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Spotting the differences since 1993


Upcoming Events 2 News 3 Opinion 6 Arts & Life 9 Feature 10 Reviews 14-15 Sports & Health 17 Fitness 19

WTF campaign reaches steps of BC legislature P. 3


p. 10 Taboo shut out; Smart speaks up P. 6

Sexual addiction: Truth and consequences P. 10

In spandex clad: semi-pro wrestling in Abby

P. 18




Do we really know what killed Taboo? Paul ESAU THE CASCADE Every Monday morning when a reporter is assigned a topic at The Cascade’s weekly writers’ meeting (8:30 in C1429), he or she becomes responsible to produce an intelligent, accurate story by the following Saturday. The distinction here between “topic” and “story” is more than the accumulation of five hundred words on one subject. It implies the creation of an underlying narrative or theme to bind those hundreds of words into a coherent “story.” Writers are not the only people who are asked to accomplish this transformation on a regular basis. Frankly, anybody who holds an opinion on anything, from walnuts to lingerie football, has taken a topic, analyzed it, and created a narrative to justify that opinion. Generally these narratives are more biased than The Cascade editorial team would accept from its writers, but the underlying action–the creation of “story”– is universal. Last week, Abbotsford was confronted with the surprise cancellation of the Taboo Naughty But Nice Show, a surprise which demanded an explanation. Some reacted with justifiable frustration (see Joel Smart’s article on pg. 6), while others, such as the outspoken Gerda Peachey, experienced a unforeseen victory. The facts were out, the decision had been made, but most observers weren’t satisfied. They wanted narrative, they wanted story, they wanted to know why the Taboo sex show had spent four years visiting the Abbotsford Tradex only to be cancelled a month before its fifth appearance.

The official stance from Canwest Productions, the company that organizes Taboo, is that the cancellation is the result of the lack of a roaming liquor license, combined with community pushback from ‘fundamentalist’ Christians led by the aforementioned Gerda Peachey. Canwest has not stated which factor was the primary influence in their decisionmaking, but the narrative which has been created within the larger community is almost unanimous in its blame of Peachey and religious conservatives in general. This “story”, encouraged by actions as simple as the ordering of nouns in The Vancouver Sun headline (“Abbotsford sex show cancelled because of Christian opposition, liquor rules”), is inspiring a general backlash against Peachey, the “Bible Belt,” and conservatives in general. Yet is the narrative that is being constructed the only interpretation of the facts? Or is it only

the most compelling? Obviously it’s more satisfying to choose a scapegoat (in this case Peachey) than blame Canwest itself for demanding a less-restrictive liquor license. By extension it is also more fulfilling to point to a fearfilled, puritanical minority (‘This is Abbotsford’ the phrase goes), and blame the cancellation upon clashing ideological perspectives rather than simple financial motivations. Yet once again, is this the only interpretation of the facts? The Abbotsford News quotes Peachey’s reaction to the cancellation as follows: “I got off the phone and I bawled, because it was so unexpected. I expected this to be a long, dreary and really, quite frankly, lonely road because I didn’t see any support coming from the Christians at all.” The Abbotsford Times, when Peachey was asked about her conservative “following,” quoted her as saying “The only one following

me is my cat Jennifer.” Both Abbotsford Mayor Bruce Banman and fellow 2011 mayoral candidate Meghann Coughlan have also expressed some reservations about championing Peachey the “victor” in the sex show cancellation, hinting that Canwest’s recognition of “Christian outrage” may have been simply politically expedient. Coughlan asserts in an article that the petition circulating in protest of the show was, first of all, not initiated by Peachey, and, secondly, asking for a measly 200 signatures. While Peachey herself has been extremely vocal in her criticism of the Taboo sex show, she simply lacks the community support and/or political influence Canwest is attributing to her. It is easy to create heroes and villains out of these situations, especially when the potential conflict fits so well with our prior grievances. It is harder to recognize the “story” being presented, and harder still to admit that maybe the conclusion we would love to reach is not the one which is ultimately accurate. Gerda Peachey and her ring of “fundamentalists” did not get Taboo cancelled. Perhaps she was a minor consideration, perhaps she was simply a way to “spin” responsibility for cancellation away from Canwest itself, but I deeply doubt she had any real influence over the decision. Thus the question of next year’s show rests not on open battle between ideological camps, but instead in the question of how profitable Canwest will consider the event to be. Money, generally, is a more potent consideration than fringe religious groups, no matter how much we love to disdain them.

February 24

February 25

February 28

March 2 and 3

Go Ag! Lecture

Indoor Soccer Tournament

Activism and engaged citizen ship in documentary film

Advocates for Equality Conference

Award-winning author and filmmaker Karsten Heuer and Leanne Allison invite you to join them on Tuesday, February 28, from 1 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. in B121 on Abbotsford campus as they discuss three great wilderness adventures through three distinct storytelling mediums: “Being Caribou” – a documentary film, “Finding Farley” – a film and “Bear 71” – an interactive documentary. This will be a master class in modern storytelling. To register, contact

Student Life will be hosting an anti-racism conference entitled “Advocates for Equality” on March 2 and 3.This is the second year that Student Life will be hosting this leadership conference which covers issues ranging from racism, multiculturalism, and self-awareness. The event will held at U-House from 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. on Friday March 2 and from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday March 3. To attend the event you must register and pay a $20 fee by February 28.

If you are the Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo of UFV come out and strut your soccer skills from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday, February 25, at the Student Activity Centre in the North Gym on Abbotsford campus. Campus recreation is hosting an indoor five-on-five play soccer tournament which is open to all staff, faculty and students. Prizes and food will be provided. There is a $5 registration fee for singles or you can register as a team for $30.

Editor-in-Chief Paul Esau Managing Editor Nick Ubels Business Manager Ali Siemens Online Editor Michael Scoular Production Manager Stewart Seymour Art Director Anthony Biondi Copy Editor Joel Smart News Editor Grace Romund Opinion Editor Dessa Bayrock Arts & Life Editor Amy Van Veen Sports Editor Sean Evans Photojournalist Rebecca Groen Staff Writers Karen Aney, Jennifer Colbourne, Joe Johnson, Sasha Moedt, Leanna Pankratz, Alexei Summers


A Farm Credit Sponsored Speaker, Dean Kreutzer, will be on the Chilliwack Campus of Friday, February 24, from 9 a.m. to 10 a.m. giving talking about “A City Boy’s Guide to Organic Fruit Farming.” Kreutzer and his wife Sylvia are the owners and operators of Over the Hill Orchards in Lumsden, Saskatchewan. Their orchard is an entirely organic operation. This event will be held in D239 in Chilliwack’s north campus.

Volume 20 · Issues 6 Room C1027 33844 King Road Abbotsford, BC V2S 7M8 604.854.4529

Contributors Jeremy Hannaford, Paige Hoblak, James Inglis, Aaron Levy, Kenneth Muir, Stephen O’Shea, Shane Potter, Tim Ubels Printed By International WebExpress

The Cascade is UFV’s autonomous student newspaper. It provides a forum for UFV students to have their journalism published. It also acts as an alternative press for the Fraser Valley. The Cascade is funded with UFV student funds. The Cascade is published every Friday with a circulation of 1500 and is distributed at UFV campuses and throughout Abbotsford, Chilliwack, and Mission. The Cascade is a member of the Canadian University Press, a national cooperative of 75 university and college newspapers from Victoria to St. John’s. The Cascade follows the CUP ethical policy concerning material of a prejudicial or oppressive nature. Submissions are preferred in electronic format through e-mail. Please send submissions in “.txt” or “.doc” format only. Articles and letters to the editor must be typed. The Cascade reserves the right to edit submissions for clarity and length. The Cascade will not print any articles that contain racist, sexist, homophobic or libellous content. The writer’s name and student number must be submitted with each submission. Letters to the editor must be under 250 words if intended for print. Only one letter to the editor per writer in any given edition. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect that of UFV, Cascade staff and collective, or associated members.




WTF campaign for greater post-secondary funding makes Valentine’s Day visit to Victoria joe johnson

The only province to not have a student grants program is BC, since it was eliminated in 2004.


Even the back steps of BC’s parliament building couldn’t remain quiet this Valentine’s Day as BC’s first legislative session resumed for the 2012 year. Making all that noise in Victoria on the first day of the legislature was the WTF (Where’s The Funding?) campaign, an independent collective of student unions from across the province with the goal of promoting the issue of student funding. They wanted to use the attention drawn by the various ceremonies planned for that day. Unfortunately, the premier shelved the Throne Speech in favour of appearing on a radio talk show, but there was still plenty of other happenings going on, such as the “Black Rod” which celebrated the Queens 60th anniversary on the throne. This particular event was organized by the University of Victoria’s Students’ Society (UVSS), and lead by their Chairperson Tara Paterson. And as the date aligned with Valentine’s Day, it was a perfect opportunity to up the dramatic impact by having students design cards addressed to Advanced Education Minister Naomi Yamamoto. So, it was with those cards and the three WTF demands of eliminating interest on student loans, the re-establishment of needs-based grants, and greater core funding for post-secondary institutions that the WTF took to those back steps. Representing UFV’s contingent there were three SUS representatives in attendance: vice president academic (and UFV’s leader on WTF) Kate Nickelchok, repat-large Mehtab Singh Rai, and president Carlos Vidal. At around 10:30 a.m., the roughly 25 representatives in total began by making use of popular social media services, particularly Twitter, to get the message out to as many people as possible. It was then Paterson who, at the microphone and behind a stack of over 6000 student-made cards, delivered the speech for WTF. “We are here today on the steps of the legislature to ask Minister

BC students pay 2.5 per cent above prime on loans, the highest rate in Canada. BC government borrows money to loan at 1 per cent below prime, receiving revenue on students. Newfoundland Labrador has eliminated student loan interest rates entirely. Cost to BC government on eliminating interest rates: $30 million. Cost of oil and gas subsidies: $127 million.

image:Joe Johnson/The Casade

SUS President Carlos Vidal (far right) looks on as university students protest cutbacks Yamamoto to show BC student a little love this Valentine’s Day,” she began. Paterson noted that Newfoundland Labrador has eliminated interest on student loans and how the federal Conservative government had already introduced a needs-based grant system. She then began to read out some of the student-made cards. “Dear Minister Yamamoto and Premier Christy Clark, I am a student who comes from a middleincome family with a single mom and the first of four kids to go to post-secondary education. With a needs-based grants program, the rest of my siblings will get the opportunity to attend postsecondary and not take on the $40,000 debt load I have already achieved. Education is a beautiful thing. Why deny it to people who can’t afford it?” said one of a few cards read by Paterson. Afterwards, Paterson commented that “We got coverage from CTV, CBC, as well as many local papers. And we’re hoping that come budget day, and within the budget consultation period, we’ll be able to see some improvement for the state of funding for

post-sec in BC.” Aside from the reporters in attendance was Advanced Education Critic Michelle Mungall, who when asked if this will have an impact on Minister Yamamoto, said “To date she hasn’t responded favourably to any of the ideas put forward by [the] Where’s The Funding? campaign, which is unfortunate and it’s in stark contrast with where the NDP is with our position, which we’ve already said that we would commit to $100 million into that. We’ve identified how we’d pay for that as well, and the Liberals just haven’t taken that idea up. So, I think that the more students speak out and make sure their voices are heard, not only by engaging in the political process between elections but at elections, they’re going to be a lot harder to ignore.” The event ended with one representative from each student union going along to Minister Yamamoto’s office to personally deliver the cards. As she was in caucus, though, the cards weren’t able to be given directly to her, but would instead be left as a surprise when she returns. Later on in the day, Nickelchok,

Rai, and Vidal struck out on their own to visit with AbbotsfordSouth MLA John Van Dongen. Van Dongen proved to be very receptive to the idea of WTF and thought that a reduction of interest rates would be the strongest case to work on. As BC has the highest interest rate on student loans in Canada, it sits on an extreme end – a place of weakness governments don’t like to be in. The WTF campaign is BC’s first truly self-organized movement. With UFV having joined in October, and most recently the University of Northern British Columbia, it now represents eight post-secondary institutions and more than 160,000 students, with the purpose of a better-funded education system. BC receives revenue on each loan given as they borrow at one per cent below prime and loan it at 2.5 per cent above. However, if the interest was eliminated, it would cost the government $30 million – a small number compared to the $600 million BC Place roof or oil and gas subsidies. Paterson made the case that establishing a needs-based grants system would actually be a ben-

While UFV operates at 105 per cent capacity, per-student operating grants from 20012009 dropped by 8 per cent. During that period, tuition fees for undergrads have increased by more than double. efit to the province. Instead of servicing loans, “There’s a lot of research that shows that students who graduate with a postsecondary degree end up making a lot more money in the long run and therefore investing a lot more money back into government in tax revenue. And so, it is a crucial investment in our economy” stated Paterson on investing in students up-front. To the goal of greater corefunding towards post-secondary education, it could be seen as necessary just to keep up with the cost of inflation. The period of 2001-2009 saw operating grants decline by eight per cent. Given UFV is operating at 105 per cent capacity, that pinch is certain to be felt and result in looking program cuts. For those interested in expressing concern, the has a form letter addressed to Minister Yamamoto, or as Van Dongen suggested strongly – take time to speak with your own MLA.

Students from Mauritius flocking to UFV GRACE ROMUND


UFV is proving to be a great education destination for a number of Mauritian students as more and more come to Abbotsford. Mauritius is a very small island country in the Indian Ocean off the coast of Africa, close to Madagascar. Mauritius is comparable to Vancouver in terms of population (approximately 1.3 million). Having been taken from the French by the British in the early 1800s the official language of Mauritius is, in fact, English. However, the majority of Mauritian media is in French due to a lasting French in-

fluence. This bilingualism is one of the reasons UFV’s International department viewed Mauritian students as ideal candidates to study in Canada. Ravi Phillips, Head of International Marketing (particularly in Asia, the Middle East, and Africa), explained that he was in charge of marketing to Mauritius and played a key role in attracting so many students from this seemingly-obscure island nation. “We started marketing UFV in Mauritius in 2008, the reason I chose Mauritius is because of its vibrant East Indian diaspora, who have been living on that island since late 1800s. We felt UFV would be a perfect fit for Mauritian students,”

said Phillips. “I have been going to Mauritius every year since 2008 and promote UFV in recruitment fairs. So far we have eight Mauritian students currently studying in various programs, the number was much higher before as some students have already graduated.” Another reason specifically that Phillips envisioned Mauritian youth fitting in well as UFV students was because of the quality of their primary education. “Mauritius has [a] very good school system,” noted Phillips. “They follow the British Cambridge model of schooling and have good skills in English and French.” Because mostly all educated

Mauritians are bilingual, The Cascade was able to interview Loic Emilie, one of the several Mauritian students studying at UFV, switching back and forth from English to French without any difficulty. “I am an international student. It’s been almost six months that I have been [in Canada]… I’m studying Business Administration currently to obtain a diploma and in two years I will work on a Business degree.” “I lived for 18 years in Mauritius without really discovering the world. I am an adventurous person so I wanted to travel and leave Mauritius for a bit. Also, I wanted to study in an English-speaking

country, and everyone speaks English in British Columbia,” said Emilie. “I hope that when I return to Mauritius I have a bit of an English accent.” Emilie noted that although English may be the official language of Mauritius, if you speak English well in Mauritius it is a sign of being highly educated. Emilie admitted that one of the principal reasons for studying at UFV as opposed to in the United States or in England is because of the fairly weak exchange rate of Mauritian currency and compared to the US dollar or the British pound. Additionally, UFV’s international rates are so low in comparison to those of universities in those countries.




Nomination period for SUS elections opens LEANNA PANKRATZ


It’s election season at UFV. The candidate nomination period began on January 31, and will wrap up at 4 p.m. sharp on February 20. The Student Union Society’s 2012 general election is an opportunity for any member of the Student Union (meaning any student enrolled in at least one credit course) to seek election to the SUS board of directors – a unique opportunity to attain a leadership position at the school, take measures towards projects that will better the student community and overall UFV experience such as the Student Union Building, and provide a mediator between the student voice and such outside figures as, for example, SUS’s involvement alongside eight university student governments in the Where’s The Funding?! campaign, and the delivery of personalized Valentine’s Day cards to BC Pre-

mier Christy Clark and Minister of Advanced Education Naomi Yamamoto. Such projects demand a competent and dedicated group of individuals, which makes it imperative that students put thought and consideration into their votes during the polling period. There are 20 positions open for election that range from executive to community representation positions – each holding in itself an integral part of the UFV community, from academics, to finances, to social issues, as well as more niche positions, such as an aboriginal rep and residency rep. As SUS states on their website, “Get involved with UFV Life.” The benefit is yours. Ashley McKay, a second year UFV student, has just begun to think about student politics. “I haven’t paid a large amount of attention throughout my time at UFV to the SUS elections, but this year I feel that there has been a significant increase in publicity

for these sorts of things, and I’m beginning to realize the importance of having a strong Student Union advocating for our rights as post-secondary students,” McKay explained. “I’ll definitely be more proactive on keeping up to date with this election, as I’m certainly more aware of how it relates to my student experience.” Students are encouraged by SUS

to attend such events as the all candidates meetings to gain optimal knowledge and understanding of candidates and their various platforms. Meetings are to take place in Abbotsford: Wednesday, February 29, 2012, as well as in Chilliwack: Thursday, March 1, 2012. Keep your eyes open, and be sure to check SUS website, as the location and time of these meetings

are still to be announced. Polling will take place through MyUFV. ca from Wednesday, March 7, to Tuesday, March 13. Get involved this election season, and take the opportunity to invest in your school’s future and exercise your right to a better UFV by choosing the right people to advocate for it.

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Image: Ahmed Jadallah

Image: Navneet Pall/The Concordian

Europe seals new Greek bailout, doubts remain

Kraft sees growth despite pruning products

Yemen vote ensures Saleh’s exit after 33 years

U of A draws fire for honouring Nestlé chairman with degree

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Euro zone finance ministers agreed a 130-billion-euro ($172 billion) rescue for Greece on Tuesday to avert an imminent chaotic default after forcing Athens to commit to unpopular cuts and private bondholders to take bigger losses. The complex deal wrought in overnight negotiations buys time to stabilize the 17-nation currency bloc and strengthen its financial firewalls, but it leaves deep doubts about Greece’s ability to recover and avoid default in the longer term. After 13 hours of talks, ministers finalized measures to cut Athens’ debt to 120.5 percent of gross domestic product by 2020, a fraction above the target, securing a second rescue in less than two years in time for a major bond repayment due in March. “We have reached a far-reaching agreement on Greece’s new program and private sector involvement that would lead to a significant debt reduction for Greece ... to secure Greece’s future in the euro area,” Jean-Claude Juncker, who chairs the Eurogroup of finance ministers, told a news conference. Greece will be placed under permanent surveillance by an increased European presence on the ground, and it will have to deposit funds to service its debt in a special account to guarantee repayments. The 5 a.m. deal (0400 GMT) was hailed as a step forward for Greece, but experts warned that Athens will need more help to bring its debts down to the level envisaged in the bailout and will remain worryingly “accident prone” in coming years.

(Reuters) - Kraft Foods Inc (KFT.N: Quote) forecast earnings growth of at least 9 per cent this year even as it prunes its portfolio of North American brands. Kraft, North America’s largest packaged food maker, will separate into two companies later this year. One will focus on snacks like Cadbury chocolate and Oreo cookies, and the other will focus on North American grocery brands including Maxwell House coffee and Oscar Mayer lunch meat. Kraft forecast 2012 net revenue growth of about 5 per cent, including a hit of up to one percentage point from “product pruning” in North America. The company said it expected operating earnings to rise at least 9 per cent on a constant-currency basis, reflecting a higher tax rate and a 4 percentage point hit from higher pension costs. Shares of Kraft were up 1.1 per cent at $38.44 in trading before the market opened. Kraft also said it would incur one-time costs of $1.6 billion to $1.8 billion as it prepares its split. It also might incur fees of between $400 million and $800 million as it migrates debt to the North American grocery company. The company also reported quarterly earnings that met Wall Street estimates. It said net income was $830 million, or 47 cents per share, in the fourth quarter, up from $540 million, or 31 cents per share, a year earlier.

ADEN/SANAA (Reuters) - Yemen ushered Ali Abdullah Saleh from power after 33 years on Tuesday, voting to endorse his deputy as president, with a mission to rescue the nation from poverty, chaos and the brink of civil war. Vice President Abd-Rabbu Mansour Hadi, the sole, consensus candidate, billed the vote as a way to move on after months of protests against Saleh’s rule, but the president’s sons and nephews still command key army units and security agencies. “Elections are the only exit route from the crisis which has buffeted Yemen for the past year,” Hadi, Saleh’s long-time right-hand and former army general, said after casting his vote. Five people were killed in violence in Yemen’s south on Tuesday, where a secessionist movement is active, a reminder of the challenges Hadi will face in taming a nation where half of the population of 23 million owns a gun. The vote will make Saleh, now in the United States for more treatment of burns suffered in an assassination attempt last June, the fourth Arab autocrat in a year to be removed from power after revolutions in Tunisia, Egypt and Libya. At stake is an economy left in shambles, where 42 percent live on less than $2 per day and runaway inflation is driving up food and fuel prices. Long queues formed early in the morning outside polling stations in the capital Sanaa amid tight security, after an explosion ripped through a voting centre in the southern port city of Aden on the eve of the vote.

EDMONTON (CUP) — The University of Alberta has sparked

MONTREAL (CUP) — Quebec students stepped up the fight

controversy with its recent decision to award three individuals

against tuition hikes this week, with tactics ranging from

honorary degrees for their groundbreaking work in the field of

vandalizing a CEGEP, declaring unlimited strikes, blocking the

water research.

Montreal Stock Exchange and preparing a petition for the Na-

Among the three awarded is Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, chairman

tional Assembly. More protests are scheduled for the upcoming

and former CEO of the Nestlé corporation, a company which has

weeks, say student representatives.

played a controversial role in global resource management.

Tuition hikes are destined to begin in fall 2012, with a total

“The Honorary Degrees Committee elected to confer an

increase of $1,625 over five years.

honorary degree on Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, along with Steve

Critics of the tuition hikes can now head online to sign a

Hrudey and Sunita Narain,” wrote university President Indira

province-wide petition to oppose them.

Samarasekera in the U of A’s blog Feb. 9.

MNA Jean-Martin Aussant filed a petition Feb. 17 at the National

“All three recipients have provided extraordinary leadership in

Assembly to call on the government to back down from the

sparking dialogue, conducting research, and pushing for major

tuition hikes. As of Friday afternoon, over 4100 signatories had

policy change in addressing critical challenges relating to the

added their names.

management and safety of water.”

The Table de concertation étudiante du Québec (TaCEQ), a

Samarasekera added that Brabeck-Letmathe was chosen in

student lobby group that is not recognized by the province,

recognition of his growing role as a global leader in water

asked Aussant, MNA for Nicolet-Yamaska, to support the petition

resource management.

during one of his cross-province tours.

“His recent advocacy and leadership calling attention to water

“Opening a dialogue with the government would be a good first

issues worldwide is challenging industry and government to

step,” said TaCEQ secretary-general Simon Gosselin. “We’ve seen

take quick action,” she wrote.

in the past that when there’s a lot of pressure from students, the

Brabeck-Letmathe leads a worldwide project on water resources

government was obligated to negotiate with students.”

as a member of the Foundational Board of the World Economic

The petition asks that the government reconsider the hikes, con-

Forum, and has co-authored a report on charting the future of

sidering that tuition has been increasing annually since 2007.

water. He has also used his position as chairman of Nestlé to

TaCEQ, founded in 2009, represents 65,000 students at three

engage government and business leaders on issues surrounding

different schools — one school shy of being recogznized as

water resource scarcity and security.

an official student group by the province — including McGill

His company was awarded the Stockholm Industry Water Award

University undergraduates, graduate students at Université de

in August 2011.

Sherbrooke and students of all levels at Université de Laval.

“The company received this award for implementation of water

Aussant, a former Parti Québécois member who split from the

management strategies put in place that include providing

party in June 2011, now serves as the sole representative of the

expert training for 300,000 farmers, resulting in a 30 per cent

party he founded, Option nationale. He said he supports free

reduction in water use and greater crop yields,” Samarasekera

education, from kindergarten to PhD.


Strikes, protests and petitions




UFV’s Continuing Studies program plants seeds in Abbotsford’s thriving city centre nick ubels

THE CASCADE One of UFV’s inaugural programs, Continuing Studies, has found a new home in the heart of Abbotsford’s flourishing downtown district. The UFV Clearbrook centre is 15,000 square feet of classroom, office, and meeting space located on the bottom floor of the Clearbrook library. The new setting boasts an additional 5000 square feet over the 35-year-old program’s former host, the Marshall annex. It also features space for UFV’s Applied Business Technology program and a number of classrooms set aside for university courses that might benefit from the Clearbrook centre’s proximity to important downtown locations such as police headquarters, City Hall, The Reach gallery and the library itself. Continuing Studies director Cheryl Isaac said that the central location—complete with transit access, ample parking and close ties to key civic sites—will help UFV fulfill its mandate to serve the Fraser Valley community. “Continuing Studies has had at its core a commitment to the communities our institution serves,” she said. “I think this will give us the opportunity to do more hands-on training.” Project planners are hopeful that a diverse variety of UFV’s programs will be able to take advantage of partnerships with establishments in related fields.

Image:Anthony Biondi/The Cascade

City of Abbotsford and UFV staff pose for a picture at the opening of the Clearbrook campus Eric Davis, VP academic and provost, said that he was excited about the potential synergies offered by the new space. “You could run an upper level geography course in city planning and have students, as part of their course work, go and work in the planning department at city hall,” explained Davis. “You could have visual arts or art history students doing coursework at the Reach gallery museum.” Speaking at the campus kickoff event on February 7, UFV director of campus planning Craig Toews praised the collaborative effort required to bring the new location to life. In addition to thanking the City of Abbotsford, the library, IT and media

services and others for their contributions, Toews made special mention of the utility crew, who worked for 48 hours to overhaul a faulty cable system and help keep the renovation on track for start of classes on January 3. “It’s a real testament to their dedication and the relationship we have with our contractor right now,” he said. Despite its underground location, the Clearbrook Centre is bright and open, accented with blond-stained wood panelling and plenty of floor-to-ceiling glass frames to allow for natural light to flood into the atrium and nearby classrooms. Eric Davis called the campus, “beautiful.” “The last time I saw it, it was

a concrete cave,” he said. “It was just empty and concrete and dark. And a basement. It didn’t even feel like a basement when I was there yesterday.” Abbotsford mayor Bruce Banman also commented on the aesthetic appeal, using the example of the friendship garden—a miniature park that served as the backdrop for the February 7 opening—to illustrate the value of cooperation between the City, the University and the private sector. “The ideals signified by the friendship garden are the ones that bring us here today,” he said. “It represents the importance of partnerships and what can be accomplished when community members come to-

gether with common interests.” Banman also acknowledged the vision of former mayor George Peary in spear-heading the project during his term. Peary received a round of applause from the crowd for his role. “I get to stand up here and say hello,” Banman said, “but George is the one who did all the hard work.” The move from the Marshall road annex resulted from a meeting between the former mayor and UFV president Mark Evered early last year about future plans for the University. According to VP Eric Davis, the library space opened up suddenly and fit well with UFV’s expansion plan, though he recognized that there are some disadvantages to a decentralized campus. “Ideally, you want one campus with everything in proximity,” Davis said. “We’ve got a multi-campus institution and a mandate to serve the region, so we’re not going to change that.” Davis said the combination of available space and an attractive location with high visibility were key factors in the decision to move forward with the Clearbrook campus. “Right now, we’re kind of on the wrong side of the highway; you could live in Abbotsford and never drive or walk by the University,” he said. “We couldn’t be in a more high visibility location than in the Clearbrook centre.”

Abbotsford’s homeless are more than a statistic JAMES INGLIS


According to the 2011 Fraser Valley Regional District Homelessness Survey, there are 117 people that are homeless in Abbotsford. The report linked homelessness to inadequate affordable housing, poverty, drug addiction, mental health issues and relational breakdown. The report defined homeless persons “as persons with no fixed address, with no regular and/or adequate nighttime residence where they can expect to stay for more than 30 days.” Is this how others see the homeless? Is this the perception of the public, or the volunteers and professionals who interact with the homeless? Deb Lowell, the Public Relations Director for the Salvation Army Community Ministries in Abbotsford believes the public perception of the homeless is somewhat different. “I believe the public in general has a misconception of the homeless population. I often hear remarks like ‘they should just get a job like the rest of us!’ or ‘why should I throw good money after bad? Nothing ever changes,’” she said. Lowell believes the misconceptions stem from ignorance. The Salvation Army’s Meal Centre, Emergency Shelter and the Food bank serve more than 3500

clients each and every month. People in need of services are not just those the report identifies as homeless. Lowell said the number of others in need, such as the working poor, seniors, mentally ill, single parent families make up the majority of the people the Salvation Army serves. According to Lowell, “Very often, our clients have multiple barriers including addiction issues and mental health issues,” and she believes that education of the public and other groups is important in changing the perception about the homeless and others in need. The Abbotsford Police Department (APD) has ongoing interaction with the homeless in Abbotsford. Constable Ian MacDonald, the police department’s Public Information Officer (PIO), said the police department “does not officially define a homeless person… there is nothing criminal about being homeless and there are no statutes that govern it. There are statutes that govern behaviors such as camping illegally and loitering but those actions are absolutely not unique to homeless persons.” Cst. MacDonald believes that, “when dealing with marginalized persons it is often best to allow people to define themselves.” Cst. MacDonald acknowledged that the police interact several times per day with individuals who classify themselves as home-

less, but he stated “most of our interactions involve either regular conversation or the offer of resources via government agencies or Good Samaritan organizations.” Cst. MacDonald noted that the APD “believes that this [homelessness] is a societal and community issue, not an issue of criminality.”

“The 2011 Fraser Valley Regional District Homelessness Survey states the first approach to addressing homelessness is prevention.” Marguerite Mitchell, an “I’m pushing 90”-year-old volunteer working with the homeless believed the public does have a negative perception of the homeless. She believes the public should talk to the homeless and hear their stories. “These are not lazy people or people with no initiative,” she said. “Very often they have a story that shakes you right to your

toes, which is what compels me to go out and feed them.” Mitchell initially volunteered with a local church to provide a weekly breakfast for the homeless at Abbotsford’s Jubilee Park, but complaints from the Abbotsford Downtown Business Association and others resulted in the church being compelled by the City of Abbotsford to stop its breakfast program. Bob Bos, the former President of Abbotsford’s Downtown Business Association is reported in The Abbotsford News as saying, “businesses are finding people sleeping in their doorways and elderly residents were too scared to get out of their cars to visit the seniors’ center. After the church volunteers clean up and leave, the homeless remain, and the problem gets worse.” Since then, Mitchell has taken it upon herself to continue to assist the homeless on her own. She travels in her car with socks and clothing to hand out. Mitchell understands how the public may be fearful of the homeless, but getting to know the homeless as people can eliminate that fear. Although Mitchell knows that some of the homeless will tell a person what ever they want to hear, she asked herself if she found herself in similar circumstances, “what would [she] have done? Would [she] behave any different?” Mitchell said that some of the older homeless have their own perceptions of other homeless.

She tells of a homeless gentleman who sees many of the young homeless as people who do drugs and he has no use for them. Mitchell’s only bad experience in helping the homeless came from a mall security guard. While she was speaking to a homeless young man she offered to buy him a coffee and sandwich. The young man’s face lit up but before she could help, a security guard appeared, confronted the young man for “panhandling” and ordered him off the property. To this day Mitchell regrets that she did not stand up to the security guard and still wonders whatever became of the hungry young man. “In this day and age we can do such great things: computers, going to the moon and digging way down in the earth for oil, yet we can’t solve our problem [of homelessness.]” “We don’t look at one another. We don’t look at what I can do for you. It’s a case of ‘is it going to make money for me? If it’s not going to make money I don’t want any part of it.’” The 2011 Fraser Valley Regional District Homelessness Survey states the first approach to addressing homelessness is prevention. Marguerite Mitchell’s almost-90 years tell her the one major thing that is needed is “compassion.”




Smart meters not BC Hydro’s smartest move JOE JOHNSON THE CASCADE

Everybody’s favourite crown corporation, BC Hydro, is up to no good. By now you’ve most likely heard about their antagonistic implementation of the so-called “smart meters.” These modern-day versions of the energy-usage readers attach to each home. They sure sound like a nice idea — the way BC Hydro spins them — but how they are being implemented is beyond absurd. The $1 billion smart meter program was ultimately decided on by the Liberal government. Mandated through legislation, 1.8 million meters are going to be switched to the new system by the end of the year and there is nothing that can be done to stop it – it’s the law. But this decision made with insider lobbying and little consultation, while millions of tax payer dollars were spent on ad campaigns to try and convince the public that the meters will be good for them.

Image: Anani Sikim

And you know what, maybe they will be. One main advantage is that they will be hooked into a network, allowing power outages to be tracked immediately. Most certainly that would result in power being restored faster. BC Hydro also states that the meters will save $70 million in the next three years alone. It’s not

clear how that would be used, but equates to just under $13 per meter savings each year. And over the next 20 years, $1.6 billion will be saved. BC Hydro also aims to stomp out some social problems. Grow-ops are a big concern and major leeches off the power grid. The cost due to this stolen power has to be recovered by the rate payer – so being able to instantly pinpoint high usage homes will make it simple enough to investigate, and cut power to grow-ops. But, with that said, issue can be taken with each point put forth by BC Hydro. Numbers aside (which can be inflated, manipulated, and played with to make any proposal look half-decent) the real issue is that we are being forced to accept a blanket change-over to these new meters. When the subject of smart meters comes up it’s always a heated, one-sided debate. Given that people will have access to their own power usage stats, BC Hydro has often said that people would be able see sav-

Stepping on the toes of politeness DESSA BAYROCK THE CASCADE

Canadians are famous for a few, very specific things – ironically, also things that are hideously easy to make fun of. Hockey, cold weather, currency that looks like monopoly money, mounties, and, maybe most of all, being so unendingly polite about everything. And it’s true. We are, on average, really quite nice to one another. If someone steps on my toe, I’ll apologize to them. When I order a coffee in the morning, I say “thank you,” on average, three-and-a-half times. It’s almost obscene. I think I say please and sorry more than I swear – and there’s something fucked up about that.1 I’m a student. I’m stressed. I swear a lot. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that being polite and being nice are not actually the same as being friendly. Oddly enough, I reached this conclusion after a six-day-long visit to the States. We were staying deep in the heart of Texas: Austin. Barbeque and cowboy country. Everything is bigger in Texas, and I’m not just saying that -- the University of Texas (where we were studying the manuscripts of one author in particular2) is home to half-a-dozen varsity teams, the members of which could probably easily outnumber the student population at UFV. Intimidating to say the least. Travelling in a strange country is always

a little frightening. Travelling in a country where the corner stores sell liquor3 and politeness is (supposedly) the odd man out – there is potential for downright terror. I felt like a bold, brave adventurer, armed with the word “eh” and a woeful lack of street smarts. I will have to be strong, I told myself – these are a people that use the phrases “thank you” and “I’m sorry” sparingly, if at all. Someone might be downright rude to you. Someone might step on your toe and laugh at you when you apologize. Again, this concept is basically true; the general niceties are definitely scarcer. But—and here’s the completely unexpected revelation—I would say (from what I’ve seen) that Americans are far-and-away the friendlier of the two peoples. Sure, they might not say “thank you” three-and-a-half times when they order a coffee, but — the brave (albeit dumbfounded) adventurer thinks this for the first time — for chrissakes – who needs to? In short, we Canadians might be unendingly polite about everything but what does that actually mean? In a word: nothing. These niceties spill out of our mouths in the same way that bulldogs drool. The flood soon becomes routine, and then meaningless. While fetching my morning beverage, rarely does the local coffee franchise employee do anything astounding. It’s a fairly simple job.4 So why in the world am I thanking them three-and-a-half times?5 It’s a

Apologies for the profanity. I felt I needed to make a point, which I have actually now probably negated. 2 David Foster Wallace, hence this week’s fixation on endnotes. 3 Completely unrelated to the subject at hand and really very cool once you get used to it. 4 No offence, coffee franchise employees. You perform admirably. But seriously – coffee is already hot, and you put it in a cup. Not too much going on there. 5 Coffee Franchise Employee: Hi, what can I get you. Myself: Double double, thanks. CFE: Anything else for you today? Myself: No, thanks. CFE: That’ll be $2.09. (Passes me debit machine.) Myself: Thanks. (It is approved) 1

meaningless phrase. In America, the only person to thank me thus far (aside from my fellow Canadians) was a waiter, after I tipped him exceptionally well. And this was after pretty good service. He deserved it. And since I hadn’t heard the phrase 18 times in the last four hours, his thank you actually meant something. And, like I said, this absence of social sweet-nothings doesn’t mean that Americans are unfriendly: if Austinians are any example, they are beyond nice and into the realm of likeable, amiable, conversational. In Canada, we can’t even brush into each other without apologising profoundly.6 In everything-is-bigger-in-Texas Austin, I`m going to risk the inanity of cliché and say smiles are no exception. People talk to each other on the bus here – perfect, random strangers: old men, nursing students, mothers with schoolchildren. And not just conversations but involved conversations about life and school and pickled fish eyes.7 Open, entertaining discussion. Interaction. Connection. The quintessentially Texan phrase “y’all” is by nature inclusive. Maybe I’m only just now noticing the distance our cold but everlastingly polite conversations put between us, but I’m not sure I can go back to those meaningless phrases. Maybe I’ll just snap. In the words of another brave adventurer with not nearly enough street smarts, y’all can go to hell. I’m going to Texas.

CFE: Alright, here’s your double double. Myself: Thanks. (The .5 depends on if they ask if I want a receipt (Myself: Yes, thanks [or] No, thanks) and on the occasional replacement of “thanks” with “please.”) 6 See the article Caring is creepy by Missy Spady in last week’s The Cascade. 7 Passenger 1: You ever had them pickled fish eyes? Passenger 2: They have those? P1: Yes’m. They kind of pop when you chew ‘em. I think they call ‘em caviar. P2: Naw, that’s eggs. Fish eggs. P1: Oh, yeah. I never eat those. I saw a documentary all about how they get ‘em outta the fish… I never eat those. 8 Davy Crockett.

ings in their bill if they were switch power usage to off-peak hours. However, peak hours are peak hours for a reason. Is it realistic for people to begin doing their laundry at midnight just to offset the cost? Not likely; people are busy, people have jobs, and so we have schedules that work for us. Maybe a few things can be shifted, but time will have to tell the truth on this one. Another common voice against the meters is the wireless exposure they bring. It may be negligible, but for some people it’s additional radio frequency radiation that they didn’t ask for. Sure, their home may already have wireless phones, cell phones, and wi-fi routers, but these are devices installed willingly. These are issues that spring up after the smart meters are in place, but there are also issues with their installation; startlingly, there have been stories emerging of meters locked within buildings which were broken into by a BC Hydro crew in order to make the swap. Truthfully, the real problem is

not in the quibbles over little aspects of the devices, it is in how our government is imposing a massive undertaking without adequate discussion with the public. Discourse is how our society should operate ; government bodies should be open. It shouldn’t be one of dictation and not allowing us to voice opinion and explore ideas which may develop into something that works for all of us. It’s my opinion that the advantages don’t outweigh the negatives. Although, if BC Hydro can convince you to update your meter, then that’s between you and them and is absolutely fine. But they should not be imposing change onto the people who do not see the benefit. that’s what really gets me. After all, these meters rest on our own private property. It would certainly be nice to see them back off and pursue a different path.

Preachy Peachey perfectly peachy after screwing scrutinized sex show JOEL SMART


Despite over 225 signatures urging city council to keep the Taboo Naughty But Nice Show from being axed, the anti-sex crusader and former mayoral-candidate Gerda Peachey got her way when Canwest pulled out from its contract with the Abbotsford Tradex. At an Abbotsford city council meeting, Peachey accused the sex show of violating “standards of decency” and shortly afterward, Canwest announced it was cancelling the show. The company, which produces the Taboo show, explained that they felt they needed to be “a good community partner” and the campaign by Peachey, which, according The Vancouver Sun, accused the show of harming family values and increasing the crime rate, was enough bad publicity that they wanted out. It’s a shame, because the show’s name, “Taboo,” suggested that it was willing to face the very sorts of criticism Peachey levied against it – and against sex-positivity in general. Peachey’s accusations, besides being entirely baseless, are rooted in a very fear-based, puritanical, ethnocentric religiosity that has no place in politics. It is not the purpose of the City of Abbotsford to ensure that every event fits every member’s specific moral code. If someone is scared to death of their own sexuality, and of the possibility of being struck down by an angry sky god for the sexualliberation of their neighbours, that’s an issue they should work out with a personal counsellor, not a city councilor. It would have been the fifth year the show had run in Abbotsford, and I will admit that I once attended the show out of curiosity. It was surprisingly tame, given the way certain fear-mongers paint the picture. The

show features a number of booths and demonstrations – think the PNE marketplace, only singles and couples sex toys instead of food processors. One booth had costumes, including corsets, for people to try on if they were interested. The show also featured several educational seminars, designed to teach couples new ways to please each others, and healthy ways to do it. For example, one seminar taught audience members the differences between different types of lubricant – an important lesson for new couples to learn. The general atmosphere of the show was light-hearted and positive. All sorts of people went, from young adults to those in their late 80s (and likely a couple even older). This isn’t the type of event that increases the crime rate. It just isn’t. According to The Vancouver Sun, Canwest president Peter Kiddell will engage in discussions with the city and with Peachey in order to try and address concerns. Unfortunately, that leaves my concerns unaddressed: the way Kiddell and company buckled to the nonsensical whims of a select few. I am not pleased. Not everyone in Abbotsford is a fundamentalist Christian, nor are they all ready to whip themselves the moment they have a sexual thought. Abbotsford is very multicultural and religiously diverse – and, importantly, even those who aren’t terrified of sex need to be respected – and events catered to them need to be welcomed too, even if someone would prefer not to attend themselves. What happened to the show this year is just the beginning, if we’re going to let particular religious groups overstep their bounds in overzealous attempts to turn the City of Abbotsford into fellow “believers” of their specific ideologies. These are your freedoms at stake.




The numbers game: team caucus vs. team primary

image: Stewart Seymour


Have a hard time following conversations about the American primaries? Have no fear. Sean and Nick discuss and debate American politics for the everyman, so even your cat can follow along! Soon you, too, will be able to name-drop in drunken conversations with PoliSci students. Stay smart, stay informed. It might be States politics but it affects us Canadian kids too. Nick: Despite cries of “Make it stop!” and “Just pick one, already!” from increasingly impatient onlookers, it seems as though the fight is far from over. It’s almost two months into the primary and caucus season and we’re barely any closer to deciding on a Republican candidate for President. As of February 21, CNN estimates place Mitt Romney in the lead with 127 delegates, 23 of them unpledged. This may seem like a lot of delegates until you consider the following: a nominee requires 1144 to get their name on the ticket. That’s almost 10 times what Romney has so far! At his current pace, it would take Romney another year-and-ahalf to win the nomination. But there is a finite number of available delegates, meaning that we are clearly headed to a buzzer beater decision at the GOP convention in August. This should change the way we look at the relationship between exit poll numbers and pledged delegates. Believe it or not, delegates represent individual people selected by each state’s convention to represent the voters at the national convention in Florida. “With great power...” or something. In order to make sense of the delegate numbers reported thus far, an explanation of the important differences between primaries and caucuses is in order. Sean, why don’t you start by tackling the caucuses? Sean: Yes, Nick, never say never. Just a few weeks ago many of us (who are still paying attention to

the GOP race for the nomination) concluded that Mitt Romney had all but sealed the deal. He won Florida, for crying out loud. But the realization soon came that there actually 50 states in the Union. In the span of just a few days, the race has essentially been flipped upside down. Rick Santorum is riding a wave of fresh enthusiasm after three popular-vote victories in the caucus states of Minnesota, Colorado and Missouri. In a caucus state, delegates are not awarded to a candidate by popular vote like in a primary. Instead, individual delegates are selected in private party meetings. In these meetings, delegates are nominated and voted on by any party members who are in attendance. All of this happens after the popular vote is taken, but the popular vote has absolutely no affect on the outcome of the nomination. So, in the caucus system, the elected delegates are free to support whomever they want after they have been elected. Nick: But why wouldn’t voters in private party meetings simply select the candidates that represent the popular vote? Sean: Well, it all depends on who shows up to the meetings. Candidates with less popular support, but a strong organization and committed supporters can overwhelm the caucus meetings – which many don’t bother to stick around for. It’s also common for delegates to simply state their beliefs in a general sense, making it impossible to differentiate between delegates in support of Romney and Paul, for example. Although it seems sneaky, it’s how the system works. So, in his victories, Rick Santorum didn’t win delegates, but simply the popular vote – otherwise known as straw-polls. Although the 76 delegates in Minnesota and Colorado have yet to declare their affiliation, many in the media (CNN, Fox News, etc.) are claiming they are in full support of Rick Santorum by stating that Santorum has 76 delegates, as a matter of fact. This is, in fact, impossible

to know and will be until the GOP National Convention this August. A great deal remains to be seen about how the caucus system will pan out for candidates like Rick Santorum and Ron Paul who are counting on the caucus states. Nick, perhaps you could further explain the difference between the caucus and primary states. How does this favour some candidates? Nick: Thanks for that lucid explanation, Sean. There are a number of key differences between primaries and caucuses, although no two states follow the exact same procedure: rules for Presidential primaries are determined at the state level with little federal intervention. This can make it a little difficult to explain how the whole system works, but here goes nothing: First, primaries are more tightly bound by state election laws; they are more akin to a general election than the caucuses. Delegates to the national convention are determined by the popular vote itself and in most primary states, the popular vote is legally binding: delegates who have pledged support for a particular candidate must vote for them at the national convention regardless of personal affiliation. The primary states fall into two categories: open and closed. Open states (including Alabama, Indiana, and Tennessee) allow any legally entitled American citizen to cast a vote in the primary election. That means that Republicans, Independents, even Democrats can participate. This can have a huge impact on the way candidates campaign and who receives the most votes. It tends to favour moderates, or those with some cross-party appeal. In this year’s nomination process, these states have seen greater numbers pledge their support for Mitt Romney and Ron Paul. Closed primary states, on the other hand, only allow registered party members to cast a ballot. These systems are a boon to party die-hards; traditionally conservative candidates like Newt Gingrich and Rick

Santorum have seen a major boost in these states in 2012. Republican closed primaries include Iowa, Florida and Arizona. Sean: Gee Nick, who would have thought being elected president of the United States would have been so complicated. Nick: I know, right? The road to becoming “the leader of the free world” is long and, indeed, winding. Finally (finally), primaries can award delegates proportionally or in a winner-take-all fashion. Phew. So what does this all add up to? There’s still plenty of room for things to change leading up to, and at, the national convention in August. And we haven’t even touched on superdelegates yet. I wanted to return to what you said about caucuses and sneakiness. While Paul and Santorum’s strategies of claiming delegates in caucus states without supporters declaring their affiliation may be perfectly legal, it doesn’t seem totally, I don’t know, democratic. Shouldn’t the popular vote be better represented at the national convention? And how will this strategy carry over to the general election? If a candidate can’t win the support of their own party, how can they be expected to fare in November? Sean: As for the idea that the caucus system is not democratic, I’m not too sure I agree, Nick. What is more democratic than encouraging the participation of party members in the hands-on selection of delegates. The caucus system allows for party members to go into meetings with one another and actually talk through the issues. It actually encourages people who are not merely voting on the basis of what Glenn Beck and the crack team at Fox News told them to get their voices heard in a party that has long been dominated by the elderly. In my opinion, it adds a much needed sense of possibility in an election system that is dominated by the mainstream. Just think, Mitt Romney would pretty

much have this election sealed up if it weren’t for the caucus states. Secondly, the popular vote isn’t even represented in the primary states, because it is the popular vote of those who are already registered Republicans (for the most part). So, I think that in a general election, if a candidate were to be nominated from the support of only the primaries he/she might be lacking in support from moderates and independents--who are able to have their voices heard in the caucus states. Finally, if a candidate is nominated by the Republican party, they will have the support of Republicans. To a Republican, Obama is a commie. Whoever is nominated will have the support of card-carrying Republicans, the question is whether the nominee will have the support of the independents and fringe supporters. Nick: That’s a great point about encouraging discussion between party members. I like the idea of party members hashing ideas out in person, somewhat unmediated. In many ways, these sort of opportunities better capture the spirit of democracy. It gives candidates that fall outside of the mainstream media an opportunity to make an impact and get noticed. The problem for me is the idea that certain supporters would try to conceal their affiliation in order to get elected as a delegate. It seems disingenuous: taking advantage of a loophole in an otherwise valuable system. In terms of the popular vote and primaries, it’s hardly perfect. But in many ways, it’s a lot more transparent, especially open primaries. Maybe delegates shouldn’t be bound by the popular vote, but caucus voters should at least know which candidate their delegate intends to support at the convention. Stay tuned next week, when Sean and Nick tackle more American politics and issues that you don’t understand! (But don’t worry – you will. And so will your cat.)




Canadian submarine program dead in the water ALEXEI SUMMERS THE CASCADE

No one was really surprised when the HMCS Corner Brook (Formerly HMS Ursula) in the June of 2011, ran aground in Nootka Sound on Vancouver Island. Canada has been having problems with its four submarines since the day they were purchased. The Royal Canadian Navy claimed it was human error that caused the submarine to hit the wall of an inlet, and the commanding officer was dismissed from his post and assigned to work ashore. The navy told reporters in a press release that the damage was not severe, and that repairs would be quick and simple. However, in recent weeks, photographs of the dry-docked Canadian sub reveal the entire nose of the Corner Brook was scooped off – a gaping hole. It is, of course, the kind of result that’s expected when a submarine hits a rock wall at a great

“Perhaps it’s simply time to scuttle the four submarines, cut our losses, and never take Britain’s sloppy seconds again.” rate of speed. What’s really making taxpayers angry is the fact that the HMCS Corner Brook was Canada’s only operational submarine – and now it’s out of commission. Canada has four submarines, diesel-electric relics purchased from the British at the end of the Cold War. The British decided that dieselelectric submarines were antiquated pieces of junk, wanted to make the switch over to only using nuclear subs, and consequently decided to sell the subs to Canada at the low price of 700 million pounds. Canada gladly lapped up the scraps given to it by its master, and purchased the four Victoria Class submarines, claiming it was a steal of a deal. The idea was simple: Canada has

the longest coastline in the world. Maybe it would be a good idea to have some submarines to defend it. Submarines are, after all, essential to every good modern-day naval fleet. The Royal Canadian Navy wanted to put two subs on each coast - west and east. Good idea, right? It didn’t quite go that way. Since their purchase from Canada’s friends across the pond, the Canadian Royal Navy has had nothing but problems with the Victoria Class submarines. The HMCS Victoria, for example, was first commissioned in 2000. It’s been at sea only 115 days in between the years 2000 and 2010. In 2004, supposedly, the submarine’s electrical work was ruined during a

Admiral Akbar and the woes of reading break ANTHONY BIONDI THE CASCADE

I wake up every morning at the crack of dawn to the sound of chirping birds, and it’s not even spring yet. I look outside to see another dreary Vancouver day with grey skies and the promise of torrential rains. I have to take an hour-long bus ride at ungodly hours of the morning just to reach the school where I succumb to the early morning haze of mental cramming in early classes. I stock up on caffeine and candy just to keep my blood jittery enough to retain my awareness. And I don’t even have it half as bad as some. Winter semester has always been a time of long days and deep mugs. I wonder why this time of year is always the most stressful. I don’t know how the Christmas season does it, but it seems to be only just enough time to recoup from the semester just before. Winter is my long haul, with little sleep and less patience. As we emerge on the other side of spring break (a half-remembered dream of a week) our hopeful notions of gaining rest are quickly squelched. The stress of winter semester accumulates and continues to build as if the week never happened. Midterms lie in wait just around the corner. I can almost hear the voice of Admiral Ackbar shouting: “IT’S A TRAP!” into my ear the Sunday before classes began again. Whatever rest or sleep I had managed to obtain has been for naught. The shield generator is still up, and I couldn’t buy Han more time. It’s no wonder, then, why my grades tend to dip in the winter semester. The morale is low and the seasons are changing. I would love to blame the irritatingly chirping birds and the rapidly changing daylight, but I don’t think it would get me anywhere. My only hope is to fight through the dread of work, pick up my pencil with white knuckles, and force myself to do the things I have paid good money to do. The last thing I need is to bring down my GPA because of low morale.


Our weekend can’t repel homework of that magnitude! If I were marching to war I would have a commanding officer motivating me with a deeply masculine gravelly voice. I have to be my own gravelly voice, my own strike team

on the moon of Endor, and get up off my ass and stop wasting the time that I think I don’t have. Reading break was great, but reality is always a bitch.

refit program. It is apparently out of dry-dock now, running sea-trials. If all goes well, it will be put back into operation in 2012 or 2013. If not, it’s back to dry-dock for at least another two years of refitting. The HMCS Windsor also had a two-year refit program that it was to undergo in 2007. Two years became three, three became four, and so on and so on. Turned out the ship was rusting. It’s not exactly a good idea to be diving down 300 metres – AKA “crush depth” – in a rusty sub, for obvious reasons. And the HMCS Chicoutomi didn’t even make it to Canada before experiencing a fire after leaking in the wrong place. On the way from the United Kingdom to Canada, the sub was forced to radio for help off the coast of Ireland. It was towed the rest of the way to Canada, and has since been dry-docked in Halifax, with no word on how long it will be until it’s operational. After so many problems, it’s unsurprising there have been allega-

tions that the British Royal Navy did not store these submarines properly in the years preceding the sale and transportation to the Royal Canadian Navy. It is widely believed that the British Royal Navy housed the subs in poor conditions, allowing them to rust and otherwise deteriorate over time. Refits to submarines take years, and a lot of taxpayer money. When a nation has a coast as large as Canada does, it needs to defend its waters. It’s infuriating that the Royal Canadian Navy is still attempting to salvage these submarines after so many ongoing problems. Many people are of the mind that perhaps it’s simply time to scuttle the four submarines, cut our losses, and never take Britain’s sloppy seconds again – especially when it comes to equipment as expensive as submarines. From the way things look, the Royal CanadianNaval Submarine Program might simply be dead in the water.

A lesson in roundabouts SHANE POTTER CONTRIBUTOR

I know that many of you reading this are awesome drivers, so, at this point, you may disregard this article. This article is for the people who I am forced to share the road with each time I drive to UFV, for those who drive poorly and are unaware of the rules of the road – which I’m sure aren’t any of you. I understand the foolishness of trying to explain driving tips to bad drivers; driving logic may be difficult for them to understand. How can I expect people to understand driving tips when I see drivers lose any sort of driving skill the second it starts raining? (The same people have difficulty with the concept of the fast lane/slow lane on the highway. I’ll break it down simply: if there are more than five car lengths between the cars in front of you and there are cars right behind you, move over.) This article is specifically about roundabouts, so I’m going to take it upon myself to help everyone understand the rules of roundabouts. Before we start, though, let’s review some basic driving terminology so we are all on the same page. Yield sign: This sign looks like an upside down rounded red triangle and means yield. You may think that the yield sign and the stop sign are friends, but trust me on this: they are not. Yield means to yield to other traffic; this is different from a stop sign, which requires you to actually stop. If there is no other traffic to yield to, guess what: you don’t have to stop. Turn signals: Although turn signals are not installed on most cars in the lower mainland you can do a fun little test at home to see if your car has them. Look at your steering wheel it should have two levers on either side. Press down on the lever with arrows printed on it. Your car should make a strange clicking noise and there will be funny green arrows flashing in your dash. If this happens, congratulations! Your car is equipped with turn signals; use them. If you find that the lever made your windshield wipers turn on, you’ve clicked the wrong lever, but don’t fret: you can use this new-

found ability to improve your driving when it rains. Perception: Perception is a basic awareness and understanding of your environment. This is an important part of driving. Perception is not something that comes with your car but something you’ve had the power to do all along, like Dorothy’s ability to return to Kansas. With these terms in mind, let’s learn how to successfully use a roundabout. A roundabout is simply a round intersection in which you drive counterclockwise. In the middle island of roundabouts in Abbotsford, you’ll find either an overpriced piece of art or a garden, which some politician decided to spend our tax dollars on. When you approach the roundabout you’re going to notice our pal the yield sign. Listen to this very carefully; if there is no traffic in the lane you want to enter the roundabout. (You don’t have to stop, otherwise they would have put a stop sign there.) If there is traffic in the roundabout, we use perception to determine when it is safe for us to enter the roundabout. Wait until there is enough room for you—and your car!—and then enter the roundabout counterclockwise. However, you do not need to wait until every car in Abbotsford is off the road before you enter the roundabout, and please keep this in mind when you are in front of me and I am late for class. Finally when you are ready to exit the roundabout, we use our turn signals to indicate to other drivers where we are going. Easy and simple! Was that so bad? Let’s conclude with some common mistakes. Do not stop in the roundabout to let other traffic in. Cars in the roundabout have right of way, if you stop you will cause an accident. The speed limit in the roundabout is not 5km/h. You can slow down to enter the roundabout, but you should maintain the normal flow of traffic. Do not cut off traffic that is already in the roundabout: that’s why there is a yield sign. Now that we understand the basics of roundabouts get out there and tell others. Make bad roundabout driving a thing of the past.





“Let’s go toaster shopping!”

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1. Home planet of the fleet’s gangsters. (6 letters) 2. Doctor turned politician turned cult icon. (6 letters) 3. Mythical thirteenth colony. (5 letters) 7. Sleeper Cylon agent who shoots Adama. (6 letters) 9. Half-cylon, half-human offspring. (4 letters) 10. Where do we start? (7 letters) 12. Popular colonial sport. (7 letters) 13. “A dying leader...” (6 letters)

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DOWN 1. “______ cylon models.” (6 letters). 2. Ursine soundtrack composer. (4 letters, 8 letters) 4. Bill Adama’s call sign. (6 letters) 5. Adama’s amen. (2, 3, 2, 3 letters) 6. Cigar-chomping, bar-brawling, smart-ass viper jockey. (8 letters) 8. TV special set between series two and three. (5 letters) 11. The chief. (5 letters)

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Aquarius: Jan 20 - Feb 18 You were about to fall into a miry pit of decadence and immorality. Thank god the sex show was cancelled. If you had attended, you would have become a rapist and horse-luster.

Pisces: Feb 19 - March 20

This week portends ominous portents for you.

Aries: March 21 - April 19 The stones decree you should work on your dancing skillz. You don’t have moves like Jagger.

The Weekly Horoscope Gemini: May 21 - June 21 It is evident your reading break was in fact a “break from reading.” Better start cracking the books.








LAST WEEK’S Answer Key Across 1. Friendship 4. Lupercalia 8. Psyche 9. Byron 10. Sun 12. Oysters 13. Delilah 14. Babydoll 15. Claudius Down 2. Robert Burns 3. Qixi 5. Casanova 6. Babes in Arms 7. Fondue 11. Venus 13. Death

Star Signs from the Sumas Sibyl Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 22 Eat this entire newspaper. It will bring you good luck.

Cancer: June 22 - July 22

Scorpio: Oct 23 - Nov 21

Academic career? Forget it. It’s the pirate’s life for you!

Don’t listen to Elmo. You do NOT want to play with Mr. Noodle.

Leo: July 23 - Aug 22

Sagittarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21

Watch out for the honey badger. Honey badger don’t give a shit.

Tony the Tiger thinks you’re grrrrrrrreat. However, I don’t advise putting any stock in the opinions of breakfast cereal mascots.

Taurus: April 20 - May 20

Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22

Take careful note: the second night of the full moon will be terribly insignificant for you.

You have been divinely chosen to start UFV’s first Glee club. There’d better be at least one musical number taking place in the cafeteria this week, or else…!

Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19 Oh my god, shoes! Go get some shoes.

Visit us at!




SILENT BONDS Facing sex addiction Core Beliefs of a Sex Addict from Patrick Carnes’ Out of the Shadows



1. I am basically a bad, unworthy person.

Humans love sex. We’re obsessed by it. And why not? It’s one of life’s greatest joys and pleasures, the highest physical bond between lovers, the source of new life. Sex makes the human world go round.

2. No one would love me as I am.

But when is sex too much sex?

3. My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend upon others.

Drug and alcohol addiction have gained wideacceptance as mental and physical diseases, and there has been increasing recognition of behavioural problems such as gambling, work and food addiction. Yet sexual addiction remains the skeleton in society’s closet. Our sexuality is one of the deepest parts of ourselves; the thought of it being capable of raging out of control is disturbing. It is all too easy to attribute someone else’s powerlessness over their sexual behaviour as “weakness” or “decadence.” Yet sex addiction is more than a lack of self-control or immorality. Venereal diseases, jail, divorce, destroyed families, unwanted pregnancies, shame, abuse, incest, violence… the addict’s life is not a cycle of selfish wanton pleasure, but of self-hatred and self-destruction. It is time to look sex addiction in the face. Too many addicts suffer in silence, fearful and ashamed that the ones they love will never understand what they are going through. Sex addiction does in fact exist, and it may be unknowingly tearing apart someone you love.

4. Sex is my most important need.

The Addiction Cycle from Patrick Carnes’ Out of the Shadows 1. Preoccupation: a trance-like state in which the addict is completely engrossed with thoughts of sex, creating an obsessive search for sexual stimulation. 2. Ritualization: the special routines that lead up to the sexual behaviour, intensifying preoccupation and adding arousal and excitement. 3. Compulsive sexual behavior: the actual sexual act, unable to be controlled or stopped by the addict. 4. Despair: the feeling of utter hopelessness; the cycle is re-engaged as the addict seeks to soothe this feeling with sex.

Is sexual compulsion really an addiction? The topic of sexual compulsion is controversial. Currently, there are three major competing conceptualizations in the psychological field: that sexual compulsion is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD); that it is a driven behaviour of “hypersexuality;” and

that it is a behavioural addiction, much like substance addiction. Though the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders advocates that hypersexuality is a disorder, local sex therapist and registered psychologist Dr. Paul James argues that sex compulsion is in fact an addiction. As Dr. James explains: “I classify driven sexual behavior as an addiction because this view accounts best for the motivation behind driven sexual behavior. The motivation underlying obsessive-compulsive behavior is the desire to alleviate anxiety and other painful feelings… there is no pleasure or gratification… In my opinion, the weakness of the conceptualization of driven sexual behavior as a sexual disorder, called hypersexuality, is that it does not identify what motivates the driven behavior… “The motivation underlying addictive behavior is both to relieve negative emotional states (e.g., anxiety, depression, and emotional pain), and to create pleasure and euphoria… People who engage in driven sexual behavior do so because it is highly reinforcing, both negatively and positively. Following the psychiatrist, Aviel Goodman, who is a leading proponent of the view that driven sexual behavior is best classified as an addiction, the addictive process that underlies all addictive behavior involves looking to an external object (a substance or a behavior) to regulate one’s inner emotional environment (i.e., to alleviate negative emotional states and to create pleasurable states).” In this way, then, sex addiction really isn’t very different from a substance addiction. People turn to sex to alleviate painful feelings, as well as for a “high” of pleasure and euphoria. It doesn’t take long, however, for matters to get out of control.





Like any other addiction, sex addiction is about powerlessness; the addict has no control over their behaviour. Dr. Patrick Carnes, the author of the pioneering work Out of the Shadows: Un-

rather how a person relates to the behavior and how it affects the person. Following [Aviel] Goodman, the key features that distinguish sexual addiction from other patterns of sexual behavior are: 1) the person is not reliably able to control the

Image: JoePenna/

derstanding Sexual Addiction, proposes that sex addicts are caught up in an addiction cycle. In order to escape negative feelings, they preoccupy themselves with acting out. Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) refers to this state as being in a “bubble,” a trance-like state where consequences have lost relevance and the addict is focused solely on the desired behaviour. This is soon accompanied by rituals, such as undressing or locking the door, which intensify arousal and excitement. After the compulsive behaviour is enacted, however, despair and hopelessness follow. These negative feelings then push the addict back into the cycle as they seek to once again escape the only way they know how. What identifies an addict is the inability to break the cycle. Not every person who acts out with sexually inappropriate behaviour is an addict. Dr. James explains, “It is important to distinguish healthy sexual behavior from addictive sexual behavior. What makes sexual behavior addictive is not the behavior or the object of sexual desire per se, but

sexual behavior, and 2) the sexual behavior has significant harmful consequences and continues nonetheless. So, for example, a single male who visits an escort occasionally would by this definition not be considered to have a sexual addiction. This man would only be considered to have a sexual addiction if he experienced a recurring failure to not frequent escorts (despite his predictions that he could do so) and he continued the behavior despite negative financial, legal, and relational consequences.” Therein lies the true tragedy of sexual addiction: the sex addict is obsessive to the point of self-destruction. It’s one thing if a person masturbates three or four times a day for pleasure. It’s another thing if a person masturbates until their genitals are injured, and yet continues despite the pain. Sex addiction is the opposite of selfishness, because it will continue even if it means losing everything. It is much more akin to self-hatred than selfindulgence. Continued on next page...



FEATURE What causes sex addiction? Dr. Patrick Carnes theorizes that sex addicts share a set of core beliefs, perceiving themselves as bad and unlovable people who need sex and who cannot depend on others for filling that need. These feelings generally arise from abuse, punishment, humiliation and/or abandonment in childhood, and the addict seeks to replace the lack of trust and dependency with the comfort of sex. In Out of the Shadows, Dr. Carnes describes this as “a pathological relationship in which sexual obsession replaces people.” The sex addict leads a secret double life, and prevents even their spouse from ever truly getting close to them. Another contributing factor can be repression and negativity toward sex in the household. The child, feeling isolated and ashamed for having sexual feelings, internalizes that they are bad, dirty, perverted and unworthy of their parents’ love. Unable to stop having sexual feelings, the child hides their sexuality, often

with no sense of acceptable or unacceptable sexual behavior since everything is taboo. Sex soothes their feeling of self-hatred, but at the same time fuels it. Dr. James says: “To some extent, everyone experiences painful feelings as the result of childhood trauma. Everyone also forms psychological defences in order to avoid these painful feelings. Addiction is a form of defence against feelings. Sexual addicts learn that driven sexual behavior is a powerful way of avoiding their uncomfortable feelings. “Sexual addicts have difficulty stopping their behavior because they learn, often as teenagers, that sexual behavior is a way of regulating themselves emotionally. In other words, they learn that driven sexual behavior alleviates painful feelings— such as anxiety, shame and emotional pain—and creates pleasurable feelings. During sexual behavior, dopamine, the same incentive/reward neurotransmitter that is activated by substance use, is released in the brain, creat-

ing euphoria... Sexual addicts have a hard time giving up the driven behavior that helps them to regulate themselves internally.” A sex addict cannot just simply stop, even if they want to, because they literally don’t know how to. Is there a cure for sex addiction? The first step for a sex addict, as with any addict, is to admit that they are powerless over their problem and need help. “The challenge for sexual addicts,” says Dr. James “is to learn adaptive ways to regulate themselves without resorting to their addictive behavior. The treatment recommended is a comprehensive recovery process, involving individual therapy, medication and 12-Step groups. In individual therapy, the individual learns strategies to separate from their addictive sexual behavior, to cope with urges, and to handle slips. Central to individual therapy is learning how to identify, embrace and soothe pain-

ful, negative feelings. Antidepressant medication (the SSRIs) can help to regulate mood, reduce impulsiveness and diminish sexual drive. With severe sexual addiction, medication often helps bring the sexual behavior under control in order that the person can benefit more fully from therapy. Finally, 12-Step groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous or Sex Anonymous (SA) provide a culture of honesty and support that can be vital in the recovery process.” While there is help for an addict, however, there is no magic cure. “As with substance addictions, sexual addiction has a high rate of relapse,” says Dr. James. “Once a person has separated from the addictive behavior, it is important to maintain the change through occasional ‘check-ups’ with a therapist, ongoing medication, and continued 12-Step involvement. In this sense, I think that sexual addiction is best viewed as a condition that can be managed rather than cured.” There is no easy answer for sex addiction, yet it is

imperative that not only addicts seek help, but that they have a supportive and understanding network of family and friends. The shame, humiliation and stigma associated with driven sexual behavior can keep addicts in hiding, even once they realize they need help. Yet getting help is the sex addict’s only hope, and it is up to us all to make sure they get it. “Like” Violet Hart on Facebook. Check out Violet Hart’s articles online at Are you struggling with sex addiction? Check out: Patrick Carnes’ book Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction for education, resources and screening tests for information about joining Sex Addicts Anonymous to make an appointment with Vancouver sex therapist and Registered Psychologist Paul James

Breaking the silence: A sex addict speaks out In order for privacy, the interviewee’s name has been kept anonymous. V.H: When did your sexual compulsion start? A: I guess it started about when I was 11. That’s when I started my compulsive masturbation and my addiction to porn. I started masturbating when I was nine, but it wasn’t compulsive then. V.H: Do you know why it started? What do you think were some of the factors? A: One of the contributing factors was definitely my private school and their negative view of sex, and the fact that any time I looked at porn or masturbated I felt bad or evil – felt like I was doing something sinful. I couldn’t just enjoy my sexuality without feeling immensely guilty or shameful. I also had learning disabilities in school and hated school because of struggling and not being able to keep up and I think it helped to enrage my sexual addiction. I guess it was a way of being able to control my life. It comforted me. Jesus was never capable of comforting me.

V.H: When did you realize that you were a sex addict, and that you needed help? A: I first realized I was a sex addict when my first very serious relationship was falling apart. I think that I had accepted that I had a problem with sex, but I didn’t accept that I was a full-blown addict until the day after I revealed to my girlfriend all of the things I had been keeping secret, all the times I had acted out with people or on the internet without her knowing. I felt like [saying that] I was a sex addict was just an excuse—I was just mentally fucked up—it wasn’t an addiction, it just was that I was a bad person. It was a cop-out to say “I have a disease, that’s why I did that.” It was a matter of not forgiving myself. V.H: How come you couldn’t just stop? A: It’s like any other addiction. Ask a coke addict why he can’t stop. People don’t realize that it’s an addiction to the release of chemicals in your brain. It’s not necessarily the sex. It’s a psychological cycle. You do it to make yourself better, but in the

process you make yourself worse, and to make yourself better you have to do it again. V.H: Why did you ultimately decide to fight your sexual addiction? A: Because I knew that I couldn’t be the person that I always envisioned myself being, with my addiction. So if I ever wanted to be the person who I wanted to be, I had to get rid of it. It was initially for my girlfriend, but I had to do it for myself as well. V.H: How did you overcome your addiction? A: I went and saw a psychologist – I went to see Dr. Paul James. I read some books on it, got some knowledge about my addiction. I told some people, like my parents, people who cared about me, for support. I went to SAA but I didn’t find it that helpful. I think just mainly because there was no one there in my age group, they were all in their forties. There was one girl there of my own age group, which I think made it worse because she was hot. I didn’t feel comfortable. I also didn’t

like the fact of the whole “higher power” thing. V.H: Do you still struggle? A: Yeah, I do still struggle. I don’t struggle as much with acting out in a physical sense, but I still struggle with my mental obsession with sex. V.H: What advice would you give to an undiagnosed sex addict? A: To take pity on themselves, first of all. It may not necessarily be their fault, there may be circumstances like abuse that’s out of their control that’s made them the way they are. Try and find someone you can trust that will help guide you into getting help for yourself. Try and see a specialist. Get information, read books, look up online – there are groups online for sex addiction too, which may be easier since you don’t have to talk to someone face to face. You need someone who can keep you accountable; by yourself, it’s so much easier to fall into pitfalls.

S.A.F.E. Formula – Signs of Sexually Compulsive Behaviour

from Patrick Carnes’ Out of the Shadows 1. Secret: kept from the public, creating a double life. 2. Abusive: harms yourself and/or others. 3. Feelings: avoids and/or causes painful feelings. 4. Empty: lacks a caring, committed relationship.




Dine & Dash: Little White House & Co. Salon Café 9090 Glover Road Fort Langley, BC 604.888.8386 Hours: Tuesday to Sunday 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Price: up to $14 (not including $38 Champagne Afternoon Tea for Two)


If Pinterest was a restaurant, it would be Little White House & Co.’s Salon Café. Quite literally located in a crisp white heritage house, this Salon Café offers patrons Parisian eating without the rather pricey voyage across the pond. Since it is in an old house, this particular eatery suffers the same fate as Tracycakes – it’s a little cramped. What makes it different from the cupcakery, though, is its lack of awkwardness once inside.

Image: Amy Van Veen/ The Cascade

Certainly from the outside it’s difficult to tell what is the store and what is the restaurant. There’s a sign that says “Salon Café” with a menu on the left hand side of the storefront, in front of a windowed door; however, once you step through it, the awkwardness starts to set in. There’s a tiny hallway that leads to the back of the house, but very little signage regarding where the café is and whether or not it’s

a seat-yourself situation or a waitto-be-seated. This little hiccup may cause the timid to turn back around and head to one of the other half-adozen restaurants down the street. Fear not, though, because once you seat yourself with a nod to one of the servers—so they know you’re there—the close proximity of the tables becomes unnoticeable and the adorableness takes over. With a black, white and silver

The Cascade Cookbook Trevor Carolan’s Rabbit Madrid Artist-Style

Trevor Carolan teaches English and creative writing at UFV. His latest book is The Lotus Singers: Contemporary Short Stories from South Asia. “I learned to cook this hearty dish nearly 30 years ago while living in a house full of artists in a village outside Madrid. It was as much a gipsy camp as a studio and the food was marvellous. Everyone was expected to lend a hand daily in preparing dinner for a dozen or so people; we hadn’t much money between us, of course, so this is an inexpensive dish.” Ingredients: 1 fresh rabbit*, pieces and giblets Olive oil, about 2 tbsp 4-5 big cloves garlic, sliced thick Handful dried mushrooms** (boletus, porcini, etc.) 5-6 sundried tomatoes Good pinches of dill, oregano & rosemary or bouquet garni 1 tin pitted black olives 1 small onion, sliced 1 each yam, potato, carrot, diced 1 each, small green and red sweet pepper, diced 2 small fresh tomatoes, diced 1 good-sized glass red wine Salt and pepper Directions: Select background music—Gypsy King, Segovia, what have you. Play! Uncork red dinner wine and let breathe. Image: Trevor Carolan Soak dried mushrooms and sundried tomatoes in about two cups warm water, set aside. Serve a drained tine of dolmades—stuffed vine leaves—as a tasty appetizer Skillet-braise rabbit pieces in olive oil over med-high heat until brown one side, turn. Add diced yam, potato and carrot, toss. Add salt and pepper to taste and fry five minutes. Add onion and garlic, stir; then sprinkle dill, oregano and rosemary, etc. Add mushrooms, sundried tomatoes & black olives, reserve jus; toss skillet mixture. Layer diced sweet peppers over all, then add red wine and dried-condiment jus. Allow to bubble, then reduce heat. Cover & simmer 10-15 max. while preparing pasta. Finish with layering of diced fresh tomatoes a few minutes before serving. Serve with crunchy steamed green vegetables, rotini spiral pasta or rice, good bread and a decent bottle of plonk. You’re ready to go. Hail to the Muse! *Substitute chicken if you like, but nothing has the delicious texture of a good rabbit. We find ours in local family butcher shops and have it chopped into pieces on the spot. **You can purchase dried mushrooms in the ethnic shops or pick your own if you know how and dry them at home. Our family mushrooming excursions are a highlight every autumn! Estimated cost: $15

Drink o’ the Week: Lemon Drop Martini This lemon martini means business! Don’t forget to put sugar around the rim to help take the pucker out. 1½ oz vodka ½ oz triple sec 1 tsp superfine sugar ¾ oz fresh lemon juice

Pour vodka, triple sec, superfine sugar and lemon juice into a shaker with ice. Shake well. Take a slice of lemon and trace along the rim of a chilled martini glass. Dip in sugar. Pour drink into the sugar-rimmed martini glass. Garnish with a twisted lemon peel. *If you don’t have superfine sugar,

it can be made by grinding regular granulated sugar with a food processor. Icing sugar does not work as a substitute. Ideal for: Getting smashed and sour Bad for: Mouth sores On the Cascade scale: A-

colour scheme, this little Parisian café feels a lot bigger than it actually is. Mirrors adorn tabletops, vintage frames and dainty lamps fill different wall and corners and a display of their miniature macaroons, tarts and cupcakes give customers an idea of what to expect from the menu. Their all day brunch and lunch options, as well as tea samplers, range from stuffed French toast and crepes to baked brie and macaroni au gratin (also known as macaroni and cheese). Everything about the Little White House Salon Café is adorable. From their little milk bottles that come with tea and coffee to their novelty elephant teapots, patrons are left to “ooh” and “aww” about one thing after another. What makes it even better is that all of their dishes, like the teapots and sugar and cream sets, are for sale in the shop. For lunch, I ordered the mini croissant combo which came with green salad or the soup du jour. I opted for the homemade chick-

en noodle which was served in, again, a sweet little handled bowl. The mini croissants were perfectly fluffy and buttery, filled with egg salad, which is normally a sandwich filler I avoid because of its tendency to be gummy, soggy and mushy, but this egg salad was light and refreshing – the perfect accompaniment to the flaky croissants. At the end of the meal, I was feeling full – a surprise since the meal looked on the small side, but quality ingredients have the ability to better satisfy a person’s hunger than quick meals void of substance. Little White House also offers their back coach house for private parties of up to 30 people, and in the summer their private garden— which the café overlooks—is open as well. With nothing over $14, the experience and the dainty Parisian cuisine makes the Little White House & Co. Salon Café a great place to return with girlfriends and share an afternoon out.

A night of jazzy blues: Longhand Trio live at The Reach KAREN ANEY THE CASCADE

The Reach Gallery in Abbotsford has an ongoing “Live @ the Reach” concert series in which they feature an eclectic mix of performances. The most recent performance was on Saturday, February 18, featuring the Longhand Trio. The venue is a wonderful setting for an intimate concert. The high ceilings and open areas allow for fairly good acoustics, though rattling central air that doesn’t detract from viewing art definitely didn’t add to a musical concert. The music itself began on a slightly dubious note. Russell Scholberg played the saw, while Skye Brooks set a backbeat with erratic strikes on his drum kit. Tony Wilson added to the mix with his guitar, but it wasn’t strummed in a traditional way – instead, it was plucked placidly, the metal strip twined in the strings creating a solid yet gentle sound. The soundscape created was somewhat ethereal, yet seemed to suggest an entirely different type of sound than the remainder of the concert. While the sounds certainly served to establish the fact that all three were deeply talented musicians, it’s rather stark difference from the rest of the pieces was somewhat startling and misleading. While misleading, the sound was unquestionably unique. Though it could possibly be recreated by a computer program, seeing such sounds produced live is a wonderful experience. Another truly unique aspect of the concert was Wilson’s guitar playing. He displayed a broad range of talent, from traditional jazz licks to a completely unique sound that nonetheless fit. Though it’s difficult to describe, his playing was reminiscent of a harp player. The cacophony of notes twinkled as his fingers danced over the strings, seemingly uninhibited by traditional technique or restrictions. He plays as if uninhibited by the tra-

ditional restrictions of the instrument, and that resulted in a sound beautiful in its unique nature. The bulk of the concert struck a happy medium between those who listen to jazz for the excessively long individual solos and those who listen to jazz hoping to hear something slightly more creative than contemporary sounds. The highlight for much of the audience seemed to be their take on recognizable tunes. The first of these was a take on The Beatles’ “Hide Your Love Away.” While the prospect of taking on such a beloved songbook is daunting for many musicians, the Longhand Trio approached it with a fresh view. Rather than reinventing the melody, it seemed to serve as a detailed chord progression that they expanded on at will. While chunks of the original melody were injected at key moments in the song, the artists each took the opportunity to impart their own talented voice into the piece. It was a truly unique and successful method, met with great joy by the audience. Though that and other remakes were successful, it was an original composition by Wilson that was truly the high point of the evening. It was written for Tempest Gale, a young woman and former student of his that was murdered on Hornby Island. The story of its inspiration was heart-breaking, but the song itself was contemplative and lovely. The underlying melody was reminiscent of a heartbeat, but the countermelodies took large departures from it. This, along with varying rhythms and tempos made for an extremely complex piece – one that, presumably, echoed the life of its inspiration. The Longhand Trio is a clearly talented and undeniably unique group of musicians. To hear them for yourself, check them out at For more information on the Live @ the Reach series, check out their website at




Q&A with Kevin Maher of Fake Shark Real Zombie! DESSA BAYROCK THE CASCADE


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Boyhood Boyhood Cripple Creek Fairies Devastators Blondewich BLEACHED Skeletonwitch Forever Abomination

Fanaticus Fanaticus

Pavlo Six String Blvd

First Aid Kid Universal Soldier Bry Webb Provider Marine Dreams Marine Dreams Los Campesinos! Hello Sadness

Ox Tuco

Yamantaka// Sonic Team YT//ST


The Ballantynes The Message/ The Railtown Abbey Blonde

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Coeur De Pirate Blonde

The Darcys Aja Interpreted By The Darcys


Rae Spoon I Can’t Keep All Your Secrets

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1977 So Is The Sea Grimes Visions

Dixie’s Death Pool The Man With Flowering Hands



Stephen O’Shea is a dedicated “man about town.” He’s the host of Popularity Contest on Fridays at 11 a.m. He plays bass in You Say Party! and more recently in Real Boys.

Air – “Space Maker” Just the opening two bars of this song set the simplistic mood of the entire album by Air. This French duo started out as a blissed out down-tempo electronic act in the late ‘90s but with this record they presented an album intended to be listened to as a meal instead of just a snack. These New Puritans – “We Want War” A seven minute exercise in perfect audio art, this four piece British post-punk band brings a deft understanding of the studio to a bizarre and inventive song-writing approach. My hair stood up on end the first time I had heard this song. John Maus – “Believer” John Maus’ 10-year career comes into focus with the album and this album closer sends the listener off into the world stronger and braver. Uplifting and drenched in reverb, there’s no better way to look on to what tonight will bring. Portishead – “The Rip” A hypnotic gauntlet of confusion, this Portishead track pulls the listener further down into an audio rabbit hole. The voice of Beth Gibbons begs you to follow her as the rhythm pushes you further down and reminds you there is no turning back.

Fake Shark Real Zombie!, formed in 2005, hail from the Vancouver-end of the Fraser Valley. If they have to be put in a particular genre, they still can’t; their style ranges from energetic punk to electrowave elements and back again. Their last album, Meeting People Is Terrible, was released in 2009 after a crazy-popular touring spree in Japan. First of all, what are five words you would use to describe the band? Childish. Juvenile. Elementary. Awkward. Cute. Do you see yourself “growing up” anytime soon? Or is that childish glee kind of the core of your band? I don’t like to think that far ahead, artistically. I’m writing a new record called Liar, and it’s very sarcastic in a kind of juvenile way. Like a punk rock Outkast. What other pop culture references would say have inspired you? Film is big for me. I watch at least one per day and I also read a lot. I get excited about emotional tones in film and the idea of recreating that musically. My fave film of 2011 is Drive. Looked like a long-form music video and ran the gamut of emotions. Speaking of film, did you ever regret naming the band after a Zombi 2 reference? I don’t regret it in the least. I view myself of a bit of a pop culture archivist and naming my musical project after a forgotten B movie is an extension of that. What would you say your influences are? The Internet mentions that you started the band to have somewhere to combine your favourite styles.

Image: Kris Krug

I like all styles of music. Why not take the best parts of each genre and leave the busted elements on the cutting room floor! I go through phases. I’ll obsess over one style and then find something else and obsess on that. At different times it’s been grind core, thrash metal, original hardcore, birth of cool jazz, New Orleans Nu school jazz, hip hop, funk, Motown. What phase would you say you’re in now? Right now I’m obsessed with The Weeknd, Odd Future, Bad Brains and Nirvana’s In Utero. You were on tour in Japan for a while. How was that as an experience? I love it. I find the work ethic and respect to be encouraging. I hear the Japanese groupies were somewhat... terrifying. They were just aggressive as all hell, but I’ve since met women a lot more terrifying than that. Overall, how would you say the

Japanese tour compared to playing shows in Canada? It’s just an apples and oranges question. Both are fun. Any whiteys that go over there are upgraded to at least B grade celebrity status because everyone is Japanese. Would you say it’s a pretty tightly knit music scene over here? It isn’t tight knit. But I think everyone says that about their own city. I find the visual art scene here to be motivational. And speaking of visual art, the music video for “Angel Lust” brings to mind OK Go’s low-budget but highly-choreographed music videos. What was your favourite element of the thousands of tiny parts (and who are all those people in the background that aren’t the band? // Where was this filmed?) Filmed in a church owned by the parents of the Twisted Twins. They were in the video. Steve from Hot Hot Heat and his girl were in the video. And if you look closely Waldo’s in there too.

As You Like It: UFV’s upcoming production promises you will SASHA MOEDT THE CASCADE

Shakespeare lover, theatre lover and lover of desire, disguise and dramatic fights (you are all one of the same, right?), the UFV theatre department has a play for you. This spring’s Shakespearian production As You Like It promises intrigue and excitement that you can’t miss. Rebekah Brisco, lead actress in As You Like It, said, “[It looks] pretty amazing so far. Very funny, very exciting to watch.” As You Like It is one of Shakespeare’s most popular plays. It is a comedy following the witty and lovely heroine, Rosalind, as she flees persecution in her uncle’s court with her cousin, Celia, and Touchstone, the court jester, to the Forest of Arden. Here Rosalind must disguise herself as a man to keep her identity secret for her own safety. It is in this forest that Rosalind finds the handsome Orlando, with whom she has fallen in

love with, but must interact with as a man. Rosalind is a beautifully depicted, rich character, with complexity and depth. Brisco, who plays one of Shakespeare’s most beloved heroines, said that she is focusing on Rosalind’s journey and her growth of character. “She starts off as kind of a fragile girl who has her world turned upside down but kind of decides to take control of her own destiny and not let others push her around so much.” At base level, Brisco explained that her character is “a girl finding out who she is and what she can actually do on her own, without the help of a man or anyone around her.” As simple as that sounds, the possibilities are far-reaching. As You Like It has played at UFV before. Both the 1983 and 1998 versions were very well received, as the 2012 version promises to be. “We’ve had a really great fight choreographer to come in to do some really awesome fight choreography. It has a lot of action to

it, and a lot of really heartfelt moments to it, with love and loss and the things that everyone can relate to,” Brisco said. “You have women falling in love with women who think they’re men and men falling in love with men who are playing women,” Brisco laughed. “There’s genderbending roles going on which is sort of fun for the audience who knows what the other characters don’t, so I think people are going to find that very amusing to see.” As You Like It plays from March 7-25, at the Chilliwack campus theatre. You can’t afford to miss it! If you’re checking your bank account, and you really think it’s the other way around—you can’t afford to go—ticket prices come as cheap as $9 on preview nights. There’s love at first sight, fighting and gender confusion – something for everyone. Phone the box office at 604-795-2814, or email theatre@ Tickets are selling now, so check it out!



Mini Album Reviews



Of Montreal Paralytic Stalks

The Fray Scars and Stories



Artists have a tendency to nail down their true sound early on in their career, typically within the first few albums, but this was not the case for Of Montreal. Their eleventh studio album Paralytic Stalks affirms the band’s reputation of being creatively restless and unbalanced. Front man Kevin Barnes shows that he has completely shut himself off from the charming twee and bedroom pop of his early efforts, reinventing himself as not just a glamrock artist, but also as a schizophrenic musical arranger, with Paralytic Stalks marking his greatest musical variation to date. The difference between Paralytic Stalks and some of Of Montreal’s recent releases is that while also dense, the band’s previous albums remain relatable and exciting while also showing the band’s capability to evolve both musically and lyrically. This new album surrounds Barnes’ freewheeling vocals with an overwhelming amount of chaotic dissonant sound and sweaty seduction. Barnes unwittingly replaces the poignant and fun R&B hooks of previous efforts with absurd and spastic funk rhythms of Paralytic Stalks.

The Fray does it again with the release of their new album Scars and Stories. With a new producer, Brendan O’Brien, from their previous two albums, Scars and Stories takes on a new sound and a step away from the mainstream. I was pleasantly surprised when listening to the album, finding that is focused more on the guitar and less on the catchy pop beats that are so prominent in mainstream music. This album captures the band’s journey with reflective lyrics and harmonious beats. The songs on the album represent the bands experiences whilst travelling as heard in “Heartbeat” and “Munich.” The album title suggests the bands transformation, taking their trials and turning them into communicable sounds that ease the soul. The Fray has improved tenfold since their last album and has made a fan out of me.

A lot has transpired in the career of Somali Canadian MC K’naan since the release of his last full-length album, Troubadour. His insidiously catchy 2010 World Cup anthem turned starstudded disaster relief single “Wavin’ Flag” was an international hit that elevated the rapper to the world stage. Riding high on his wave of newfound success, K’naan toured widely before hunkering down to face a serious predicament: how do you follow up such a ubiquitous hit single? More Beautiful Than Silence is a tentative step into the spotlight that finds K’naan sometimes thriving and sometimes faltering under the weight of his sudden success. Lead track “Is There Anybody Out There?” (featuring Nelly Furtado) is a case of the latter, where the duo’s ambition to create an uplifting message single is such a poorly disguised attempt at a sequel to “Wavin’ Flag” that it almost comes across as parody. The EP’s other collaboration, “Nothing to Lose” (featuring Nas), works a lot better because it’s funky, fun and different in all the places where “Is There Anybody Out There?” is stiff, severe and familiar. On More Beautiful Than Silence, K’naan shows some growing pains, but if he can work through some of his more problematic tendencies, his next LP might make good on his early promise.

The November released album Talk that Talk is prolific R&B singer Rihanna’s sixth album in her seven-year recording career, and certainly a building block in the Barbados-born songstress’ climb towards mega-stardom. Talk that Talk does not mark any significant new direction in the singer’s career, but perhaps for good reason. Sometimes no change is good – at least for the legions of fans who have fallen in love with Rihanna’s powerful, recognizable vocals that chameleon their way through nightclub-friendly, bass-heavy pounders to dramatic ballads. Talk that Talk also continues the artist’s foray into increasingly gritty subject matter. Rihanna, whose single “S&M” rose to number one when it dropped, shows fans once more that she’s not too shy to combine such elements as radio-friendly synth and sado-masochism. While the album sticks with club-happy Euro-inspired beats, Rihanna proves once again that she has what it takes to navigate the proverbial meat market that is mainstream pop. With sultry vocals and hits with an undeniable sing-along factor, the 23-year-old star shows fans and non-fans alike that she is here to stay.




Often writing about music can seem horribly inept. How can words express music, which is often remarkable for its abstractness and for its inability to be pinned down? Perhaps the greatest case of this is Grimes, whose music sheds judgments of genre at every turn, and inquires after the use of words and, more often than not, rejects them, defying description. Grimes might seem to be related to some form or combination of electronic and pop music, but Claire Boucher, the voice(s), writer, composer and producer behind the name, has a unique soundscape comprised of endlessly layered vocals that eschews pop music’s most inherent tradition: lyrics. That’s not to say there aren’t any in Visions or any of Grimes’ three previous albums, but in all cases they alternate between personal and obscured. They might be clear for a moment, but the longer they go on the more likely they become overcome by music and become music. Boucher sees no line dividing vocal performance and the electronic sounds and programs that are composing

instruments for Grimes. And so, on tracks like “Circumambient” (which as clearly as anywhere in Boucher’s lyrics presents one of the main questions that recurs throughout Grimes’ discography, beginning “Oh baby / I can’t say”) which opens under the guise of a potential radio-friendly dance hit, only to explode into four, five, six voices all contending, merging, saying nothing with words but everything in feeling, slipping in and out and becoming one with the beats that don’t drive so much as provide a floor for Boucher’s vocals, the real music, though it is sung, is made wordlessly, not in a purely instrumental vein, but in the transportive confusion of Grimes’ sound. Other ideas emerge slowly over the course of Visions in the question of identity (“Be a Body”) and a fascination with what lies outside of our knowledge of the universe (“Colour of Moonlight“), but more than heady themes stated by fading lyrics the enveloping chorus of Boucher’s compositions enters the mind. Grimes’ music exists in a perfect state of mind that constantly allows for interpretation yet guides enough that Boucher’s


More Beautiful Than Silence (EP)


Talk that Talk


Grime – Visions

sensibility is always evident. The unsustainably ecstatic “Eight,” the tonal shift in “Symphonia IX” (perhaps the closest Visions gets to Grimes’ earlier work), the whispering skepticism of “Oblivion,” – it all adds up to another triumph of musical evolution for Boucher. Despite Boucher’s recordings coming out in quick succession, just as Halfaxa was considerably changed from Geidi Primes and Darkbloom had something new in every

track, so too does Visions signify a shift. Grimes appears to have moved closest to more accepted forms of song structure with this latest album (there’s nothing near as avant-garde as Halfaxa’s “≈Ω≈Ω≈Ω≈Ω≈Ω≈Ω≈Ω≈Ω≈”) yet the sound is clearly, unmistakably that of Boucher’s, more significant for its own properties than the ones it rejects. If nothing else leaves an impression in Visions, then the song

Boucher chooses to close the album with certainly does. For someone so proficient at unconventionality, Boucher is remarkably adept at crafting a song traditional in form with verses of lyrics. “Skin” is an eye-opener, despite coming at the end of what has been an eye-opening opening of an artistic career. It still deviates from pop expectations—it’s six minutes long and perhaps most memorable for the breaths and beats between lines—but it follows the tradition of standout songs in Grimes’ discography, “My Sister Says the Saddest Things” and “Vanessa” being the precursors, that both exist as endlessly replayable on their own, and emblematic of the work surrounding them when taken in concert. The most striking thing about Grimes’ music is this: “Skin” is a six minute song, yet what is a six minute song when it neither flies by nor drags, when it seems to compress and dilate time into an inexplicably evocative and otherworldly experience? Visions is both mechanically and naturally breathtaking, and Grimes might be the best thing happening in Canadian music right now.




Book Review Haute Stuff New York Fashion Week – the seasons change The Night of the Gun by David Carr PAIGE HOBLAK


In this candid memoir about his troubled past, New York Times journalist David Carr opens up about his life before finding success. From drug and alcohol addiction, to working at one of the world’s most renowned news businesses, Carr leads us through his dark journey to recovery. He starts the book off with the story about The Night of the Gun, the story which he once thought to be true. After deciding to write a memoir, Carr goes back and investigates his own life like the journalist he is. He is surprised when an old friend gives him a different version of the story of the night of the gun. Carr makes finding the truth his main aim throughout the book, understanding that he will have to interview many people from his past to obtain this. His investigates the façade of truth and realises how it can be subjective and misleading at the best of times. His openmindedness is refreshing as we are given an exclusive look into the records of his grim past. David Carr portrays the malevolent disease of addiction. He describes nights of overindulging in alcohol and some of the most dangerous drugs. In and out of

rehab, Carr rehashes the pratfalls induced by addiction. Through his struggle he manages to maintain jobs, intimate relationships and genuine friends. The miracle of his life, which came by surprise, was the creation of his two beautiful twin girls. To achieve happiness, Carr looks to his girls who represent his purpose and desire for a normal life. Alongside his daughters, his passion for writing is what gets him through the challenges faced by an addict. Carr is aware of the fact that writing for The New York Times is what gave his story credit and with an alternate ending, his story may not have gained as much respect, if any. Carr does not shy away from what might make him appear as an undesirable character; he freely portrays himself as a junkie, a criminal and an abusive, careless person. All demons aside, his story is one that should be heard. He advocates for the power of change and is a true inspiration for anyone who has ever felt like giving up. Car’s honesty, strengthened by the brilliance of his writing, makes The Night of the Gun a meaningful read.



Fashion Week in New York came and went in a flash, leaving in its trail a whole new set of style philosophies to ponder. “More matter, less art,” said William Shakespeare in Hamlet. “More direction and less in-your-face glamour” is the sartorial translation. The fashion world seems to have made sincere efforts to grow up this season, leaving behind some of the glittery opulence of spring and summer for a whole new type of glamour for the coming winter 2012. Ralph Lauren, who seems to be a recurrent example I cite, took perhaps the most notable steps forward from his flower/frill-injected, Scott-andZelda-inspired spring confections into a line that is best described through very English, very aristocratic imagery – set to Edwardian period drama Downton Abbey’s soundtrack. The line included everything from British tweeds to hunting jackets, paired with argyles, fedora and cloche hats, with a few pops of purple and pink in the form of colourful mittens and scarves. It was a sight to behold in

FilmReview Twisted Metal


THE CASCADE For most people, Valentine’s Day evokes imagery of heartshaped chocolates, bouquets of red roses and lovers whispering sweet nothings to each other over romantic candlelit dinners. Yet, for nostalgic PlayStation 3 owners, the day was overwhelmingly joyful for an entirely different reason – the chance to blow up cars, run over pedestrians and otherwise enjoy the dark, demented world of a classic gaming series come back to life. Twisted Metal, released February 14, marked the first genuine release in the series in over a decade. Just over 15 years ago, Twisted Metal 2 was released on the PlayStation. It was a zany, competitive car combat video game that appealed to every part of my 11-yearold self. I saved up the money and bought myself the game system and the game, and it was over a year before I bought another game. I played it endlessly. I still know every character, every secret in every level, and every cheat code (from acceptable codes that allow your vehicle to jump or shoot a freeze-blast out of the front, to the cheap ones like the God Mode cheat that makes you invulnerable to attack). The point is, the series holds a dear place in my heart (and thus, I’m not an entirely unbiased critic of the game). Car combat is a genre that has largely died off over the last decade, but it isn’t entirely clear why; it merges the best of both the driving/racing world with that of the shooter – at least, for the type of person who would be more likely to watch Nascar highlights to see the crashes than the victor. Twisted Metal for PS3 starts with the same basic premise – contes-

greys and beiges; also to be noted was the return of the ultra structured trench coat. Marc Jacobs impressed all with a spectacle that involved stark black-and-white contrasts, and an overall somber approach that put one in mind of soot-lined Victorian streets, and a true homage to Cecil Beaton’s grand, day-at-theraces hats in the 1964 musical My Fair Lady. The Jacobs line featured swirling, stiff fabrics that called distinct, straightforward attention to feminine curves. Long, leather gloves also made their appearance, as well as clipped in coats in blacks and creams, and sleek, Night Porter-inspired hats. Are we going for Victorian dominatrix this season? Marc Jacobs seems to think so. Everything was hyper-feminine, exaggerated to an extent – yet without a hint of shine. Simple, straight and strong. The peplum (basically, “a flared or ruffled piece of fabric sprouting from the waistline of a jacket, dress, top or skirt, giving the illusion of exaggerated curves,” as described by Natalie Shukur in the March edition of Nylon magazine) has also seen an unexpected


tants battle each other in different weapon-loaded vehicles across a series of destructable levels in a last-man-standing deathmatch. The winner of the contest meets Calypso, the evil “CEO” of Calypso’s Twisted Metal Tournament, and is awarded the ultimate prize – any wish they choose will be granted. Yet, each wish is always twisted and things turn out for the worse. More important than the story, though, is the classic, chaotic gameplay. Thankfully, it plays incredibly smoothly, especially considering the amount of intense action almost always happening on-screen, and within what can often be extremely large, complex levels. Almost every structure can be destroyed, from highway barriers and trees to entire houses and churches, and more. Often this opens new areas to play or hide – one great building has an entire ice rink within. Another arena has spectators in the stands that can be run over – if it sounds gruesome, that’s because it is... this game is pretty dark, but it also doesn’t take itself too seriously. Controls for the game were always a bit hit or miss – some love them, other’s hate them. There is no denying that it takes a bit of

practice to get it right. The game sacrifices realism for the sake of gameplay. For example, in most games you require quite a bit of space to turn around, making it difficult to navigate tight corridors. In Twisted Metal, simply holding the handbrake allows the player to turn, while stopped, in any direction. It’s an arcadey, intentional throwback to the original Twisted Metal games. The game does have a few missed opportunities. The choice to focus on just three main characters, instead of the many characters from the originals really takes away from the fun of the story mode. The live-action videos also fall a bit flat with me – though better than I was expecting, to be fair. Sometimes the opposition feels a little cheap, as well, but it could be worse. The real meat of the game is the multiplayer, whether that be on or offline (up to four players can play splitscreen on the same TV). There are a ton of online modes, but classic deathmatch is where it’s at. If nothing else, rent the game and play some splitscreen with some friends – you’ll be surprised just how much fun this old-school genre still is today.


Chronicle doesn’t just propose the question, “what you would do if you were given super powers,” but also asks “who would you become?” An interesting take on modern day super heroes, Chronicle shows that even with great powers, we all are still human. Whatever affected you before, whether it be harmful or not, will still affect you the same and even great power cannot overcome it. While the whole found footage venue is becoming a recurring theme; that does not stop it from being creative. Director Josh Trank follows the action with not only one single camera but with multiple media sources dependant on the location of the scene such as other people’s cameras, phones and even security feeds. This helps build the film’s individuality as it does not concern itself with how the footage was found or documented, its primary focus is just to tell the story. There are moments in the film, however, where the camera’s placement is so still and well positioned, it verges on becoming a normal movie directive. These moments are very seldom but they run the risk breaking the norm. The camera becomes more than just a tool to document the characters lives and powers. It at first acts as a means of defence against Andrew’s (Dane DeHaan) drunken father, but it becomes a personal link to how Andrew views himself. With the camera, he sees himself how he wants to be seen and revels in the fact that only he sees what he records. As he floats the camera around himself and his friends with his powers, it not only adds additional feeling and perspective, but it also proves how important it is to him. He holds it in his mind always and is never too rash or violent with it despite his other actions.


return, perhaps a tell-tale reminder of fashion’s dive into all things stark and structured. The peplum adds a dramatic, eye-catching line to any outfit. While perhaps not the most obviously wearable of fashion pieces, the use of the peplum in 2012 designs certainly hints at a collective shift from sparkle and opulence to a more serious tone. Think Marlene Dietrich rather than Marilyn Monroe. Pearls rather than diamonds. Matte rather than gloss. Get the picture?

Chronicle There are constant underlying vibes referring to comic book heroes and the rules of good and evil. The ideology of choosing sense over power is very evident as the three teenagers begin to understand their powers and what they can and can’t do. And with every story involving super powers, there is always the risk of being consumed by the power. Chronicle addresses this, but in a unique fashion. This film shows that one’s weaknesses cannot simply be overcome with strength, no matter what the strength may be. This is one of the key points in the script that is well-expressed. It also shows that despite a deep mind and extreme power, in distress one reverts to their simple self and feels “powerless.” The performances by the main cast are realistic to the environment in which they are portrayed, even if they are a bit stereotypical. The popular class president and the reclusive loner with an abusive past feel familiar yet the third character, the deep thinker, adds interest to the trio as his powers help him see who he was and who he wants to be. He tries to better himself, but even with his new-found powers, is still afraid and uncertain at how to display a different side. While the ensuing events develop in a slightly predictable fashion, the cause-and-effect of the events is what truly develops the characters either into the better person or into the darker version of themselves. With good performances, a creative script and a new take on found footage films, Chronicle plays out like a modern day retelling of troubled heroes like Spiderman or Anakin Skywalker, all the while producing a realistic environment in which teenagers deal with everyday problems like bullies, pure pressure and defining who you are.




POSTCARD LITERATURE Lavender and Birdsong I sip my tea and wait. It is lemon ginger, and really quite nice, with that kind of flavour that truly satisfies the senses. I hold this fine china like my mother dear taught me years ago – holding my little finger out like some grand Duchess or something. I savour everything about this cup of tea, each second as some form of brilliant escapism. I pretend I am back in Bordeaux in our little garden out back. I recall days playing among the lemon trees, running along vineyards brimming with grapes that were swollen with dark juice. I remember

the sun – lying in it until my skin turned brown, and how mother scolded me for that. But I loved the sun too much to stop. I remember the scent of the lavender that grew in the fields nearby. How lovely it was. The birds in the air sang a song of purity, of life and growth that somehow promised it would never cease. When mother died, I was sent away. Sent to Paris. How glamorous it seemed, how fresh and new. I was told by my uncle that I would be working from now on. I was such a pretty girl, he told me, and other

Postcard Lit Call for Submissions Would you like to see your short fiction published? The Cascade is looking for original flash fiction to grace the pages of this fine publication. Each week, we will include a thematic prompt for writers to work with. Submissions may touch on any theme or topic.

Submission guidelines *Insert name of story, poem, or monologue here* by *Insert name of author here*.

flirtatious laughter, and the overdone moans of the other “pretty girls” all through the night. I finish my tea, and with the last piquant sip, I hear a bang downstairs. “Gigi, he’s here for you,” Madame calls. Her voice was shrill. My name isn’t really Gigi, but she thought it sounded cuter—more chic— than Rose. Mother named me Rose, but no one ever calls me that anymore. Monsier Leclerc is downstairs in the parlour waiting for me. I hear his boisterous laughter. He’s obviously had a few glasses of wine. I hope he’ll be gentle with me to-

Please attach all submissions as a Word .doc. Submissions must be under 500 words. Show us what you can do in a limited amount of space. Writers are encouraged to create new work each week to fit with the prompt. What we like: - General fiction is preferred, but humour and satire are also appreciated. - We’re not sticklers for genre. As long as it’s good, we’ll consider it.

The silent era It was ’27, I was 22. I still remember the smell of Roy’s cigars. The man was big time, in a growing town. It had been a good year for the city too. The New Orpheum opened as one of the greatest theatres in this hole of a city; I guess they figured the old one was dried up. Roy took us to one of the first shows. He said it built spirit. I didn’t care about spirit then, Roy paid me in cash. I just followed my carrot wherever it went. We saw a screening of Wise Wife, a comedy that reminded me that Hollywood was a waste of time. My funny bone was about as dry stiff concrete. I was a kid looking for his next job. I had ambition in all the wrong places. I fiddled and shuffled during the film, the piano at the front making me anxious as ever. I was never very good at staying in one place. Eventually I found myself in a different seat. The pia-

men he was certain would agree. They would buy me pretty things, and pay me money just for being pretty. I would live in a big house with a nice old lady named Madame, and many other girls who were just as pretty as I was. How exciting. How incandescently, wonderfully exciting. I was 15 and had known no sound but birdsong, known no scent but the wildflowers outside. I’ve been in this house for five years. I hardly remember what lavender smells like, but I certainly know the scent of cheap perfume. Birdsong has turned to false,

no was playing; I looked to my right. For a moment I found a new carrot to chase. She had a round face and straight dark hair tied in a bow. I never did get her name. She looked at me only once. She gave me a look of confusion and repulsion. I didn’t know dames could make faces like that. Sure I’d seen women around, talked to them, charmed them. But this one had beauty coming out her ears. I tried talking to her, but she ignored me. Her date told me get lost. When the film was nearly over and the band was winding down, Roy called me back. My eyes wandered her way to watch her leave. The theatre was my place after all. The next day, Roy staged a heist. We were to hit a jewelry store on Commercial Drive. “Here’s the plan, kids.” Roy said, a thick stub of cigar crunched between his yellowing teeth. “Ned,

Alexandria Potenza night. His money, however, will pay my way, someday, somehow, back to Bordeaux. I am sure of it. Madame yanks my bodice as I make my way down the stairs, exposing more décolletage than mother would have approved of. But oh, Leclerc will certainly approve. I catch his eyes wandering as I plaster my trademark smile and make my way over to him. My thoughts turn once again to that long lost lavender and birdsong – simple pleasures that dwindle from the memory. Lost reminders of innocence.

- Please inform us if your submission has been previously published. - Submissions can come from UFV students, faculty or community members. Response time will typically be one week. Please email all submissions to: Stories will be accepted until February 29.

Anthony Biondi Rock and I head in packing heat. I don’t have a gun for you, Frank; you wait outside and holler when you hear the bulls.” I didn’t like being the watchdog. It was a sucker’s job, and I was no sucker. Finally, we hit the street. Roy had a green Buick that he snatched from a rich couple’s house a few days back. I kept the engine warm outside as they went in, pistols tucked into their belts. I heard one gunshot as they entered the store. The warning shot. I sighed and tried to ignore it. I wanted to be earning my share. I tried to keep alert. Didn’t hear sirens yet, but it wouldn’t be long. I was watching out the front window when for a moment I saw my new carrot. There she was, still wearing the bow in her hair. I thought it would be alright if I stepped out for a second, I leapt from the car and approached her.

Art: Anthony BIondi

She was alone, carrying a paper bag. I followed her down the walk, talking to her as if she were listening. That’s when I heard the sirens. Shocked, I looked back at the shop. By the time Roy and the others had gotten out, the bull had boxed in the Buick. They tried to run, but they were subdued before long. But Roy hadn’t been cuffed. He stood, a free man, talking

with a sargeant. I knew then, we had been double crossed. I was confused and stiff, the girl with the bow next to me. I walked away and didn’t look back. I never did get the girl’s name, but by then I had forgotten to ask. Roy had given us up, and the only thing that saved me was the dame with the ribbon in her hair, perhaps then it was the girls that were my lucky charm.




Sports you’ve never heard of: bunny show jumping SASHA MOEDT THE CASCADE

The first thing that really comes to mind upon hearing the term “bunny show jumping” is, well, why not? How is this a sport we’ve never heard of? Those bunnies are famous for bouncing. The only other thing bunnies are good for is reproduction. And stew. Bunny show jumping, according to the Canadian Rabbit Hopping Club, first began as Kaninhoppning in Sweden in the late 1970s, with a club beginning to compete within their small group. But, as rabbit jumping became more and more popular, these small, disorganized groups of jumpers began to communicate, and soon merged to create the first group: the Swedish Federation of Rabbit Jumping in 1994. The early rules were initially similar to those in horse jumping, but are now tweaked to better suit bunnies. For example, in some cases, rabbit harnesses must be worn to prevent unplanned breeding on the course. You know how the saying goes: those bunnies will breed like rabbits if you let them. Other rules, stated by the Swedish Federation of Rabbit Jumping, heavily emphasize the well-being of the rabbits. The tracks are built

image: Thowra_uk/Flickr

to eliminate any risk of injury. Rabbits must never be forced to jump, or handled inappropriately, i.e., lifted by the harness rather than by hand, or beaten. If a bunny balks, the owner can lead it back and try again, and are given five minutes to complete

a jump – it doesn’t seem to be a fast paced sport at times when Thumper doesn’t have momentum. The courses are much like horse jumping, with obstacle courses, as well as official high jump and long jump contests. The world record in high-jump

is held by a Danish rabbit called Tönsen, who jumped 99.5 cm. Another Danish rabbit called Yaboo made the record for the long jump, measured at a staggering three meters. Rabbits are kind of crappy pets sometimes, if you don’t get the

right breed – they poop too much, they are high strung and have sharp teeth. Maybe no one else would call a bunny out on these things, but I say they don’t have much going for them. This doesn’t seem to be the most intense, competitive sport, but with the focus of the well-being of the rabbits, that seems to be a good thing. Training can’t be easy, but with the tight regulations on safety and treatment, and a swift follow through on consequences to breaking these regulations, bunny show jumping is something to be admired. Bunny jumping isn’t exactly sweeping the nation. But it’s steadily growing. They’re cute. The Swedish Federation of Rabbit Jumping has swept the small northern nation, with nearly 800 members from about 20 affiliated clubs. Norway and Finland also established federations in 2002 and 2004, respectively. The sport is growing in the States, Germany, Denmark and the UK. Canada even has a little club going out of a 4-H program. Like I said, bunnies are only good for two things: bouncing, and reproducing. I’m all for making a sport out of bunny show jumping, but if you think about it, they would probably do much better as a species competing in a sport for the other one.

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All Star Wrestling vs. Abbotsford the rituals, the ring, and this reporter PAUL ESAU


There are nine of us here, outside the Abby Arts Center, waiting in the dark. Robert, with his wide grin and Irish cheer. Janet, his wife, dwarfed by her walker. A young girl, whose mother claims to know all the wrestlers on the ticket personally. Others. Me. I’ve accidentally arrived an hour early, but my companions are worried. It might get cancelled, they say, if there isn’t a proper audience. They fuss a bit and remember the golden days, when even semi-pro events like this drew long lines. I tell them not to worry, that I was at a ballet once in the same theatre that only drew eight people. They stare at me, silent. I was with a girl, I stammer, it’s the only reason I came. Silence. Welcome to wrestling, I think, welcome to a different world. The hour passes, the crowd builds. I’m handed a brochure advertising Body by Vi protein shakes, and finally, reluctantly, am allowed entrance. The doors swing open and I see that place of suffering, that fount of glory: the wrestling ring. It seems vaguely plain, sagging dusty towards the concrete–an artifact under fluorescent lights. Four posts, three ropes, the phantasmic roar of a timeless crowd. Will it rise again? I wonder, remembering the fanaticism of my fifth-grade classmates. Will it be as brutal, as ugly, as real as they claimed? A table holds a dated collection of T-shirts, WWE figures, and hideous photography. Robert, Janet, and I sit down in the front row on the far side of the ring and watch the crowd filter between the promotions to their seats. A hundred people give or take. Better than eight, but not enough to make any real money. The announcer, when he comes onstage, is wearing a sweater vest. Comments are voiced from the crowd at this small, bald man who seems too

Art: Anthony Biondi

friendly to be associated with wrestling. He smiles, like a friendly pastor, and then announces that the first match is about to begin. I have never seen a wrestling match; the tides of religion swept this opportunity from my childhood. Therefore, I am surprised when a fat man in a mask sweeps into the room and immediately threatens to lynch Janet. He is twirling a gaudy yellow noose around one pudgy arm. His name is The Texecutioner. I learn later, on Wikipedia, that every scripted wrestling match has both a “heel” (villain) and a “babyface” (hero), which are established early for the benefit of the audience. The hero here is Toga Boy, whose Ceasar-esque laurels and draped attire clash with the ‘80s rock music played during his

entrance. “You know where you are?” he shouts, pummeling the Texan, “You’re in the jungle, baby!” He might as well have been talking to me. I almost leave, already sick of this “kayfabe,” this pathetic slap of flesh, this showmanship in spandex clad. Robert is cheering happily and Janet is shouting, “You suck!” at the top of her fragile voice. She has already threatened to take her walker to The Texecutioner, and, even through my discomfort, I am proud of her bravery. She and her husband understand this spectacle, they believe in it, and thus they are part of it. Every wrestler this night will be forced to run Janet’s gauntlet of abuse on his or her entry to the ring. She is the crowd. The next match “Old School vs.

New School” is far better. The wrestlers use their intros to establish distinctive personalities: the arrogant, anxious veteran and the exuberant, yet naive challenger. This match is funny, a comedy sketch spiced with an occasional floor-vibrating smackdown. I can sense the chemistry, the ingenuity, although I still detest the medium. Is this art? Yes. No. It’s being held in an art centre, so maybe. I imagine being one of the men (or women) behind the gaudy costumes and cheesy pseudonyms. What would motivate someone to bare themselves to the crowd, to the fickle jeers or cheers of the masses? I think of the hours of training, then the brutal, final vigil before the ring entrance. I think of The Great Kasaki and his painted samurai face, and wonder

what financial compensation, if any, he receives for the spectacle he creates. The main and final event of the night is the “Blizzard Battle Royale,” a twelve-man contest for a shot at the All Star Wrestling championship. By the time the cheers begin I’m already striding across the parking lot, back towards my car, and my life, and my sanity. I recommend this experience, as most things, once, and I know there are individuals like Robert and Janet who will always find great joy in the gladiatorial echo of the wrestling ring. But it’s not for me.

What ever happened to…? that Owens can’t even get a spot on a roster in the NFL. Now in desperate need of cash flow, Owens has been reduced to signing a contract to play Arena football, the equivalent of Alex Ovechkin agreeing to play professional ball-hockey. Owens move is a financial one, but it is also fitting into his chronic need to be the center of attention. As ESPN writer, Jeffri Chadiha noted, his only other option would be to start dating Kim Kardashian.


Terrell Owens: T.O. is the definition of the old saying, “pride comes before the fall.” Owens was once the center of the football world. Owens played 15 seasons in the NFL, scoring 153 touchdowns, receiving 1078 passes, and taking the ball a whopping 15,935 yards. Owens was king of the league for a while. Over the years, Owens brought home the bacon in a big way – over $80 million in contracts and sponsorship deals. Owens was set to retire with a bank account stuffed full of cash and surrounded by his friends. Things were not as they seemed. Following a number of bad investments and child support lawsuits, Owens is currently out of money. At

Steve Moore: image: Tammy Ferrufino

just 38-years-old, Owens had made and lost a fortune. As fast as the money disappeared, so too did any friends. Owens made the mistake of believing in his own hype – he was the best of the best. He didn’t need anyone. The sad truth, however, is

Steve Moore, for those of you who forgot, played 69 games for the Colorado Avalanche between 2001 and 2004. Moores career came to an abrupt end on March 8, 2004 at General Motors Place in Vancouver, BC. It all started a month earlier, when on February 16, 2004, Moore took out then captain of the Vancouver Ca-


nucks, Markus Naslund with a hit to head with the elbow. No penalty was called on the play, nor was there any subsequent discipline dolled out by the league. Vancouver players threatened to retaliate. The next time the two teams met was on March 8. The rest is history: Todd Bertuzzi of the

Vancouver Canucks sucker-punched Moore from behind, and then fell on top of him, after Moore refused to fight. The results were brutal: three broken vertebrae and a concussion. Moore would never play again. Following “the incident,” as it has become known as in Vancouver, Moore worked on his recovery but faced numerous challenges, including reoccurring concussion symptoms. Moore filed a civil lawsuit against Todd Bertuzzi, the Canucks and Orca Bay Sports and Entertainment on February 16, 2006. He sought a total of $38 million. The issue has yet to be settled. In the mean time, Moore has been waiting. In 2006, Moore told CBC News that: “I think I have missed about 184-185 games up until this point and he has been playing for two years and I am still sitting here.” To date, Moore has simply been in lawsuit mode, counting the number of games he may have missed.




To rest or not to rest: Canucks contemplate push for the President JOEL SMART


With little more than 20 games left in the season (and thus little more than 40 possible points to be gained or lost), it’s starting to become clear who the major contenders are this year: the New York Rangers seem to be running away with the East, while the Vancouver Canucks and Detroit Red Wings battle it out for the West. Currently, both the Canucks and the Red Wings are on pace for a 114-point season, while the Rangers are on pace for a 117-point season – although such stats rarely hold true. It will likely be a tight race for the President’s Trophy this year, but one the Canucks still have a great shot at winning if they play great down the stretch. But do they want to? As Gallagher wrote about in The Province a few days ago, it might be a smarter choice to simply focus on staying healthy and rested for the playoffs, rather than going all out to secure home-ice advantage. It’s a fair argument, especially considering how much of a grind the team now realizes the two-month postseason can be. It may be a smarter choice to simply ensure the team wins its comparativelyeasy division (with their nearest rivals currently over 15 points behind). With such a focus, they could guarantee themselves at least a third-place finish in the West, and hopefully a

healthier, more adept roster. With the league reaching such a high level of parity, at least among the playoffbound teams, this might be the season to consider such an approach. It isn’t like the suggestion is to throw games, or take a night off. The question comes down to, how much ice time do you want to give to your most important players down the stretch? Do you want to be putting someone like Sami Salo on the ice as much as you can in pursuit of the President’s Trophy, or would it be smarter to limit his ice time if possible? It’s a fun topic for an armchair GM to discuss, but Mike Gillis and Alain Vigneault will have to consider such a topic as the regular season hits its final stretch. It might not be worth it to roll the dice on losing too many points, or heading into the playoffs in a slump. It might not be good to play the last 20 games differently than you want to be playing come the first

round. Cory Schneider made his 19th start in Edmonton last Sunday, and his increased play actually does signal the Canucks are employing a strategy of rest. The aim is to keep Luongo from fatiguing come playoff time, when the travel and intensity can really wear out a player, especially a goaltender. Personally, I remain conflicted. I think that winning home ice advantage and superior matchups is still worth the effort of pushing for the President’s trophy – it’s certainly within reach if the Canucks can keep going at the rate they are. However, it might be worth cutting down on someone like Dan Hamhuis or Henrik Sedin’s ice time just a bit, considering they’ve played in every game so far this season, and provide invaluable services to the team. For Gallagher, giving the team a few more days off, instead of hard practices, might payoff in the end. To Henrik’s credit, he saw the wisdom in such a strategy. As he told Gallagher, “I think over the last two months especially it’s been a lot of travel and it mounted up and you have to realize as you get older in this league maybe you need a few more days off.” If the Canucks can manage to rest their players without losing games, it would be the best of both worlds. Regardless of how it turns out, though, it is sure to be an exciting finish to the season.

Three reasons trade rumours suck and three rumours you haven’t heard KAREN ANEY THE CASCADE

As every member of every clique learned in high school, rumours aren’t cool. This applies to NHL trade rumours, as well. However, it’s pretty apparent from the current standings in the NHL that for a few key teams (cough, Columbus, cough) some trading is going to happen. Where will Nash end up? Will the Oilers be willing to part with one of their young forwards in order to finally find someone who can skate backwards well enough to play defence? We’d ask ourselves if Luongo is going to be traded, but it’s so obvious that he’s the only problem facing the Canucks that it’s not even worth questioning – clearly he’s going to be offloaded in exchange for a feckless nobody. It’s obvious that some trades are going to happen, that much is true. However, the perpetual rumour mill surrounding said trades should really stop, and here’s why. First, there’s absolutely no way to substantiate them. The trading game in the NHL is tricky: as we learned from a certain bitter easterndwelling general manager, it’s easy to ruin a player’s trading prospects with a few well-placed rumours. So, in reality, even if a couple puck bunnies take up residence under the bed and desk of every general manager in the NHL, fans won’t necessarily

learn anything that’s actually true. Also, bunnies have a way of reproducing, and screeching is obnoxious come game-time, so it’s probably not a great idea to encourage this. Second, the focus should be what’s happening on ice; this is an interesting point in the season. There’s plenty to focus on – can’t we all just get along and rag on the speedily sinking ship that is the Chicago Blackhawks? Whoops, guess they’re currently being exposed for what they really are. See? Isn’t that more fun than bringing up the idea that Patrick Kane will ever be traded for Sabres goaltender Ryan Miller? Thought so. Third, none of it really matters. It’s even possible that a team’s general manager could be dismissed, their arch nemesis could be hired in his stead, a newly-traded player could take over as team captain and proceed to “flail” in every sense of the word, and the previous captain could be traded away. Then, birds could sing, double rainbows could shoot out of the ice, and the captain could return just three years later. Oh, wait... that already happened, didn’t it? Exactly. It may take a few seasons, but anything major that happens could be reversed. Eventually. Keeping those three reasons that rumours suck in mind, here’s three highly substantiated and completely viable rumours that will

likely come true by February 27: 1.) The NHL will instate a rule that makes it possible for Toronto to draft a new player at any point during the season, provided it’s a female player. They will subsequently sign what Don Cherry will call the league’s first Good Canadian Girl, Elisha Cuthbert. The Leafs will then trade a rookie to the New York Rangers in return for Sean Avery. This will ensure that the Avery-Cuthbert-Phaneuf love triangle is reignited, and the Bachelor will quickly be taken over by a new reality show tentatively titled When Sloppy Seconds Lace Up. 2.) The Phoenix Coyotes will trade captain Shane Doan for San Jose Shark Logan Couture, because they’re expecting to experience some pretty heavy rainfall next season and they really need someone who knows how to swim. Sharks can swim, right? 3.) Someone will figure out that Sydney Crosby is so damn good because he’s actually a magically regenerating robot. In quick succession, someone will kill him, he will regenerate as good as new, and the Canucks will trade not just Raymond, but Kesler, both Sedins, Burrows, Bieksa – screw it, they’ll trade everyone except Schneider for Crosby, ensuring that they will successfully “win da turd” attempt at a Stanley Cup in franchise history.

Health kick: stay hydrated, folks




Whenever people look for new ways to improve their fitness or health, there are two broad categories to which they immediately spring. The first, annoyingly, is diet. Unfortunately eating healthily is not the same as dieting, which most people confuse: diets are a set of guidelines or rules to follow when eating meals. The confines of a diet promote feelings of rigidity, imprisonment, and worst of all, impermanence. The unsaid implication of dieting is that they can be abandoned after the health or weight-loss goal is met. This, of course, is decidedly false. Furthermore, diets expect you to follow a plan that gives you little in the way of useful knowledge, of not only how the diet works but also how to practically apply the diet to different situations. It’s like teaching someone to fish without explaining what the rod is for. As a result, diets ask for a lot of faith, as the sellers either don’t explain how the diet works, or they explain it in some form of pseudoscience. In contrast, eating healthily requires an amount of explanatory knowledge that just covers what’s good for you and what isn’t, and at what quantities are the tipping points. After that, it’s just a matter of tailoring your intake and doing some math. It also promotes permanent solutions to eating right. The second category people jump to is regular exercise. Ideally, good nutrition can be combined with exercise to promote the greatest possible results, and therefore should succeed as the shortest path to meeting fitness goals. Right? Actually, no. Creating the shortest path to successful fitness goals depends on a variety of different categories. Unfortunately one of the most important categories is often overlooked; it is also one of the easiest to maintain: hydration. It’s so simple and easy to add to your daily routine, you’ll wonder why you never did it before, especially considering the substantial benefits it can provide. Water has multiple roles in the body, be it lubricating joints, getting blood cells to where they need to go, or regulating body temperature. As a result, if you are markedly dehydrated,

the proficiency of water to promote wellbeing diminishes significantly, and it doesn’t take much for things to go downhill in a hurry. In Aaron Ralston’s novel Between a Rock and a Hard Place, he details the onset of dehydration through to its extremes. When dehydration first sets in, sufferers experience a marked increase in heart rate, an inability to regulate body temperature, and great feelings of fatigue. A near-fatal amount of dehydration caused Ralston to lose over 20 lbs of body weight, have a higherpitched voice due to his vocal cords being stretched so thin (his tissues were losing their elasticity), and also caused him to experience hallucinations. So what does this have to do with staying healthy? Researchers from the University of Alabama discovered that by losing just three per cent of one’s body weight by induced dehydration, subjects’ heart rates were significantly higher; they could not perform nearly as well in the weight room; and their perceived effort was significantly higher. Meaning, of course, that their bodies were doing more effort for less gain. Basically, this means that by being even slightly dehydrated, you can’t approach the right levels of performance that need to be achieved for your workout. Your workouts will, in turn, become less effective, essentially slowing your path to your goals. This can easily be avoided by simply drinking more fluids throughout the day, generally between 2-3 liters or more. A specific amount depends on gender, body weight and daily exertion, and scientists can’t seem to agree which specific amount could be considered “adequate” based on these factors. In any case, having a slight excess of water intake won’t hurt you. It’s especially important to drink lots during and after your workout to stop your body from losing its performance potential via dehydration. An interesting if slightly gross method for monitoring your hydration level is to survey the color of your own urine. Optimally it should be only slightly yellow, or almost clear. If it’s a dark yellow, than you should definitely be drinking more. Hopefully this information will further optimize your path to success, and keep you well-hydrated in order to tackle your workouts in your prime.






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The Cascade Vol. 20 No. 6 - February 22, 2012  
The Cascade Vol. 20 No. 6 - February 22, 2012  

The Cascade is the University of the Fraser Valley's autonomous student newspaper, and has been since 1993.