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21 Good Ways to Live Life ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE.. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. FOUR. When you say, ‘I love you,’ mean it. FIVE. When you say, ‘I’m sorry,’ look the person in the eye. SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT.. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely. TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives. TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN! ... When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, ‘Why do you want to know?’ FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. FIFTEEN. Say ‘bless you’ when you hear someone sneeze SIXTEEN. When you lose , don’t lose the lesson. SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.. EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship. NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. LOW COST VACCINATION CLINIC COMING SOON! It’s that time again. Radar Rescue, a disaster animal response team, located here in Hunt County, will be holding a low cost vaccination clinic and fundraiser at PetSense in Greenville. PetSense is located at 8110 Wesley. We will also be taking donations for not only Radar Rescue, but other Hunt County rescue organizations and shelters. Items needed include: bleach, gently used collars, leashes, dog crates and carriers, dog food, cat food, bones, treats, towels, blankets and dog beds. Also, cotton horse halters and lead ropes, pillowcases, permanent markers, dust or surgical masks, leather gloves, zip ties, gallon sized zip lock bags, crowbars. If you would like more information about this event, please contact Janice Weldon at jweldon13@hotmail.com or 903-568-8007.
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Celebrating 2 Years!
I can’t believe this is our 24th issue! I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has been a part of putting this together and hanging in here with me all this time. First, I want to thank God. He gave me this paper on April 6th, 2007. I have no formal education that would allow me to publish Texas Twister, and I am definitely not in charge of how things are going with it. I was going through a rough patch, and asked God, “What do I do now?” And, I was actually selling ads for the Twister within the next 30 minutes! The rest is history. The next 2 people have been with me from the beginning. And, trust me, that putting this together every month is not just a simple walk in the park. It’s fun and rewarding, but it definitely takes a great deal of work. Sandee Farmer, my dearest friend and editor. She is the one who does so much of the wonderful art work you see in our publication, puts on the final touches and makes it so much fun to look at and to read. She’s is the one that we run to for.......everything! Even though she calls herself my wet blanket, she is the one that keeps me in line! Debby Mertens, my fantastic sister, also does a lot of the graphics, and has been there for anything we needed done, and there has been a lot! Whether I needed help with delivery, or something extra done right away, I’ve always been able to count on her. Not just since we started Texas Twister, but always. Ashley Bain came on board part time about May, 2007. She is a great friend first, and always doing more than her share of helping build this company. She came on full time in January, 2008 in sales. I don’t know what I would have done without her this past couple of years. If you are an advertiser, you have met her and know just how great she is. Misty Hensley has become my right arm. She is an awesome lady that I am so proud to call my friend. I had to beg her to come and work with me in January, 2008 and I would gladly beg her to stay. She keeps the office running just like is should, makes sure all the ads are in and accounted for, and anything else that needs to be done! Diane Allen has just joined us recently, but has already become a valuable member of our sales team. Her enthusiam is contagious, and I already know I have made another lifelong friend. She has already proven that she is willing to go the extra mile! A big thanks goes out to my advertisers! WOW! I have the best customers in the world, and I mean it. Thank you for your loyaty and continued business! We will continue to do the best we can in making you some great ads and getting the word out about your business! We have several people who write articles every month, and we thank you so much for helping find interesting and information things to pass on to our readers. Thank you all! Dee Ingram from Ingram Funeral Home ** Quinlan ** Ask The Director Dr. Gwendolyn Kines from Family and Cosmetic Dentistry ** Terrell ** The Tooth And Nothing But The Tooth Jean Mertens, my mom and a great cook ** Recipes From the Heart Pat Smith, my aunt and another great cook ** Aunt Pat’s Diabetic Recipes Dean and Ruth Remmers from Life of Faith Covenant Church ** Kaufman
Jesse Lane from After Hours Automotive ** Cash Ashley Bain from Texas Twister ** Time Out Sandee Farmer from Texas Twister ** Texas Tidbits ** and so much more! Quinlan ISD, Lone Oak ISD, Royse City ISD, and Caddo Mills ISD...Thanks to all involved in sending the news about students and teachers Well, after reading all of the above, you might wonder what I do here at Texas Twister. Mostly, I stand in awe at all the things everyone else does! Thanks to you all! And, God Bless! Ginger Lane
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Texas Twister
ten memorial trees may be planted to mark a loved ones grave. Some ‘greens’ have more strict rules to ensure the integrity of the land. For example, they may only allow manually dug graves instead of the use of backhoes or they may only permit the body to be manually lowered with ropes instead of the use of a lowering device. Q. My friend mentioned some place she heard about called a ‘Green Cemetery’. She said that I would really love it. Where are they located and what exactly is a ‘green burial’? A. According to my sister ( a true tree hugging hippy from way back) green burials are the greatest thing since sliced bread. In general, when someone speaks about a green burial or a green cemetery, they are referring to a field or woodlands that have been set aside for the burial ( or scattering) of mortal remains. Green burials are special because the natural look of the land is complemented by the use of a burial container made from biodegradable materials, such as cardboard, wood, or a cloth shroud ( no container at all). As generally understood, the environment of green burial grounds are kept as wild and natural as possible. Memorials and headstones are generally not permitted, though a small ground level marker my be. Of-
While embalming is usually not allowed for a green burial, the dignity of any service is not compromised by these requirements and indeed the simplicity of the service can add to it’s meaning for many. Many funeral homes frown at the idea of green burials due to the loss of fees for embalming, caskets and outside containers. While green burials may not be everyone’s cup of tea, we view these types of burials as a perfect way to honor someone who appreciates the outdoors and respects all natural land as God’s beautiful creation. Numerous rural and small-town cemeteries will also allow ecologically-friendly burials, but they do not strive to maintain the surroundings in their natural state. Another option open to families is burial on privately owned land. If you would like assistance in locating a green burial ground in
a question that you would like answered in this column,
the U.S. or have questions about private property burials,
please write to ASK THE DIRECTOR c/o Ingram Funeral
please contact our funeral home of choice- any licensed
Home P.O. Box 2218 Quinlan, Texas 75474)
establishment should be able to help you. ( If you have
CREATION A man said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ‘The wife responded, ‘Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you ! ******************************************************************** SERENITY Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, ‘How old was your husband?’ ‘98,’ she replied, ‘Two years older than me’ ‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented. She responded , ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?
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Hi! This is Aunt Pat with some goodies for a picnic. Well, it’s getting warmer and the weekends are for picnicking with family. Here are some great ideas for a great picnic with the family. Hope you enjoy them. Remember if you don’t have time to look for a recipe, just email me at auntpat@texastwister. us and I’ll do my best to find it for you. Remember it doesn’t have to tastes bad to be a diabetic recipe! Perfect Picnic Chicken Salad Prep Time: 30 min. Serves 6 Ingredients: 2 1/2 cup cooked chicken breast, diced 1/2 cup fresh chopped celery 1/4 cup fresh chopped onion 2 tbsp Relish, pickle, sweet 1/2 cup light mayonnaise Directions: 1 Combine all ingredients in a large bowl. 2 Refrigerate until ready to serve. 3 Use within 1-2 days. Chicken salad does not freeze well. Nutritional Facts: Calories: 166.4; Total Carbs 4.4g; Sugars 2.6 g; Total Fat 8.9 g Dietary Exchanges: 1 1/2 Fat, 2 1/4 very lean meat ---------------------------------------------------------------
Easy Fruit Salad
Prep Time: 15 min. Serves: 14 Ingredients: 16 oz Fruit Cocktail, canned with water, drained 2 cups Banana, fresh, slices (slice 2 bananas) 2 oranges, medium, fresh, cut into bite sized pieces 2 medium apples, cut into bite sized pieces 8 oz Yogurt, vanilla, lowfat ( or pina colada flavor) Directions: 1. Mix fruit in a large bowl. Add yogurt and mix well. 2. Chill in refrigerator before serving. Easy and tasty! Nutritional Facts: 1/2 cup Amount per serving Calories: 75.1; Total Carbs 18.6 g; Sugars 13.7 g; Total Fat 0.3 g Dietary Exchanges: 1 Fruit
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May, 2009
Texas Twister California produces two-thirds of domestic production of cut flowers. (source: US Census Bureau) • Mother’s Day is the busiest day of the year for many restaurants • Retailers report that Mother’s Day is the second highest gift-giving holiday in the United States (Christmas is the highest).
by Ginger Lane The first Mother’s Day observance was a church service in 1908 requested by Anna Jarvis, of Philadelphia, to honor her deceased mother. Jarvis, at an early age, had heard her mother express hope that a day to commemorate all mothers would be established. Her mother had also expressed the sentiment that there were many days dedicated to men but none to mothers. Two years after her mother’s death, Jarvis and friends began a letterwriting campaign to declare a national Mother’s Day observance to honor mothers. In 1914, Congress passed legislation designating the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day. • In the United States, there are about 82.5 million mothers. (source: US Census Bureau) • about 96% of American consumers take part in some way in Mother’s Day (source: Hallmark) • Mother’s Day is widely reported as the peak day of the year for long distance telephone calls. • There are more than 23,000 florists in the United States with a total of more than 125,000 employees. Colombia is the leading foreign supplier of cut flowers and fresh flower buds to the US.
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May, 2009
“Open wider.” requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. “Good God !” he said startled. “You’ve got the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen.” “OK Doc !” replied the patient. “I’m scared enough without you saying something like that twice.” “I didn’t !” said the dentist. “That was the echo.” *********************************************************** Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $200 Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like. *********************************************************** A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novacaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.” The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?” The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.” *********************************************************** Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100. Patient: Well, without pain it’s cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain. Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!! Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist *********************************************************** Dentist says to the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don’t want to miss the 4 o’clock football day game.
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Solution on Page 27
American by Birth - A Texan by the Grace of God. Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?” So the first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.” “That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. “It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the f loor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I’m here.” Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. “Picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding inside a refrigerator...”
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Academic, OAP, and Speech / Debate Teams
UIL Awards
Caddo Mills High School was recently named District 13AA UIL Academic and Speech Champions. The competition includes a One Act Play performance, a speech & debate tournament and literary & academic contests. Twenty one students will advance to the regional competion which will be held at Tarleton State University in Stephenville on April 24th & 25th. Caddo Mills won the 2008 Regional UIL Championship and the students are working hard to claim another victory this year.
2009 District UIL Results:
Accounting: 1st Trey Craig Regional Qualifier 2nd Jeremy Smith Regional Qualifier 3rd Taylor Westmoreland Regional Qualifier 4th Chris Mercer Regional Qualifier 1st place team Calculator Applications: 1st Jeremy Smith Regional Qualifier 2nd Jacob Taylor Regional Qualifier 3rd Samantha Moran Regional Qualifier 4th Angelica Van Horn Regional Qualifier 1st place team Computer Applications: 1st Jeremy Smith Regional Qualifier
2nd Jacob Taylor Regional Qualifier 5th Samantha Moran Computer Science: 5th Kory Rutherford 6th Trey Craig 2nd place team including Jonathan James & Matt Cooper CX Debate: 1st Aaron Gill & Matt Randolph State Qualifiers 2nd Lexi Tadlock & Kim Rhodes State Qualifiers Current Issues: 6th Rachel Parsons Editorial Writing: 2nd Natalie Wade Regional Qualifier 6th Kaitlyn Coker Headline Writing: 4th Michaela Sawatsky 5th Kory Rutherford Informative Speaking: 1st Rachel Parsons Regional Qualifier 2nd Kimberly Rhodes Regional Qualifier LD Debate: 1st Will White (Top Speaker) Regional Qualifier 2nd Shelby Plasek Regional Qualifier 3rd Gabby Garza Regional Qualifier
Jesse Tyler Our PTO is collecting Campbell’s Soup Can labels to raise money for our school. Jesse Tyler (3 years old) fell in love with our collection container. He just dove right in.
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Literary Criticism 4th Shelby Plasek Mathematics: 1st Jeremy Smith Regional Qualifier 2nd Jacob Taylor Regional Qualifier 3rd Trey Craig Regional Qualifier 5th Rodney Malone Regional Qualifier 1st place team News Writing: 5th Kory Rutherford Number Sense: 1st Jeremy Smith Regional Qualifier 2nd Taylor Westmoreland Regional Qualifier 3rd Israel Chavarri Regional Qualifier 4th Trey Craig Regional Qualifier 1st place team One Act Play: G. P. Ippolito Honorable Mention Aaron Gill Honorable Mention Morgan Jarvis All Star Cast Jordan Hammack All Star Cast Ben Sawatsky All Star Cast Samantha Moran Tech Award Persuasive Speaking: 2nd Ryan Turney Regional Qualifier 3rd Austin Davidson Regional Qualifier 4th Ethan Griggs Poetry: 3rd Kallie Bost Regional Qualifier 4th Caroline Summers 5th Libbey Higginbotham Prose: 2nd Aaron Gill Regional Qualifier Ready Writing: 2nd Talia Ippolito Regional Qualifier 5th Mariah Lang Science: 4th Kaitlyn Coker 6th Rodney Malone 2nd place team including Jacob Taylor & Israel Chavarri Social Studies: 4th Isaac Frazier Spelling And Vocabulary: 3rd Alisha Johnson Regional Qualifier
Under the Big Top Math Day Photo: Leslie Patterson, Sharon Woodson, Kim Isham, Jerline Swafford, Sheila Sanders Teachers had games correlated to each math objective. Students moved from room to room, objective to objective, to practice for TAKS testing next Tuesday.
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How many of these did YOU know about? A sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed. (hmmmmmm..) ********** Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to. ********** For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won’t refreeze. (wish I had known this for the last 40 years!) ********** To remove old wax from a glass candle holder, put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out. ********** Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!). ********** Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel. ********** Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads , I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves. After years of having to throw away rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical. Now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely! In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get ‘sharpened’’ this way! ********** Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works every time! ********** Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don’t wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak. ********** Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on. ********** Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen. ********** Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning . ********** To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm! Corn meal works too. ********** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top. No soap if cast iron. ********** Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won’t be any stains. ********** Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. ********** When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn’s’ natural sweetness ********** Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your
forehead. The throbbing will go away. ********** Don’t throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces ........ Left over wine? What’s that? :) ********** To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief. ********** Ants, ants, ants everywhere ... Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself. ********** Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine. ********** When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily. ********** Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer..... ... Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous China ********** Clean a vase. to remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets. ********** Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes. ********** Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary). ********** Unclog a drain.Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, and then run the hot water. ********** Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn’t it?
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QISD Education Foundation Awards $25,000 to Teachers for 2009-2010 Brick Courtyard Expansion Still Underway... The Quinlan ISD Education Foundation announces the 2009-2010 award winning grant recipients. Foundation members along with the FHS band paraded each campus today to award twentyone teachers with a total of $25,000! Foundation board members are President Dr. William Claxton; Vice President of Programs, Barbara Norris; Vice President of Administration, Melanie Kuykendall; Vice President of Fundraising, Steve Tucker; Secretary, Sharon Royal; Treasurer Stephanie Reeves, and Board Member Dale Chreene.
Foundation President Dr. William Claxton presenting $3,000 to 3rd Grade Inclusion Teachers.
Dr. William Claxton, Foundation President has this to say, “The Foundation is very excited to award these grants to teachers that will enable them to expand teaching in their classrooms. The Foundation is a solid organization whose primary goal is to enhance student learning and give more students opportunities to succeed in school that will lead to success later in life.” The Foundation is currently conducting a brick expansion campaign to be installed at the FHS courtyard adjacent to the Foundation’s founding donor monument. Customized bricks are available for as low as $50. “It is essential that we build the perpetual source of funds the Foundation has to offer QISD so that monies are made available year after year to teachers and programs that the district’s budget is not able to afford. I plea to all
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FHS - Keith Floyd - $650.00 - “Ag Science Supplies” FHS - Amber Davisson - $1,679.26 - “Science Lab Equipment & Supplies” FHS - Sandy Almon - $531.50 - “Math Whiteboard Sets” FHS - JoNeita Kelly - $200.00 - “History Department Resources” Twenty-six applications were turned into the Foundation. Programs Committee and Foundation Vice President Barbara Norris along with QISD nurses receiving a check for district health services committee members Amy Ivey, Troy Roberts, parents, community and businesses to support the Larry Buchanan, and Sherrie Burks reviewed each Foundation. The money is getting back to QISD. application and graded the applications on a rubric. All donations to the Education Foundation are tax- Curriculum Directors Sue Boone and Gail McDaniel were liaison’s to the committee to ensure the deductible as determined by the IRS.” applications met the District’s goals and strategic 2009-2010 Foundation Grant Winners are: DCC - Cynthia Curb - $750.00 - “Cannon Sound plan. System” DCC - Christy Clements - $3,000.00 - “Document Scanners - Inclusion Classrooms” DCC - Jeanna Petty - $900.00 - “LCD Projector” DCC - Lynn Kirkman - $1,500.00 - “LCD Projector & Document Camera” BIS - Julie Montgomery - $4,000.00 - “Show Me the Mobi” Campus-wide grant JMECC - Angie Burns - $646.00 - “Ipods, Itunes & Speaker Clocks” JMECC - Lisa Young - $3,000.00 - “Campus Study Island Software” TMS - Dianna Barber - $1,000.00 - “Electronic Piano” TMS - Angela Miller - $650.00 - “Fitness Gram District Programs Liaison Sue Boone presenting $3,000 Materials” to Lisa Young of Joe Martin Early Childhood Center. TMS - Cheryl Sockwell - $500.00 - “AR Reader A total of $55, 715. 65 was requested by Books & Quizzes” TMS - Scott Copeland - $1,000.00 - “Science Lab the 26 applications. “We would have loved to have given everyone the amount they requested. Equipment” TMS - Gregory Rowe - $649.75 - “Social Studies We wish this would have been possible. We thank every teacher for applying and hope that it encourResources and Supplies” TMS - Tawanna Pumphrey..... - $700.00 - “TMS ages them and others to do it year after year. It is exciting to be able to give a total of $25,000 this Dictionaries” TMS - Tawanna Pumphrey - $600 - “TMS The- year! I also want to thank my committee. It is a very difficult and hard task to read and grade each sauruses” District - Donna Hopson - $719.14 - “Health/Well- grant and to award or deny a proposal. When grant applications reach my committee, all names are reness Supplies” TMS - Stephanie Phalen - $2,120.95 - “Reading moved. We do a blind review and grade them. By not knowing any names, we feel we make every Department Elmo Projectors” FHS - Vickie Smith - $203.40 - “Spanish DVD’s” effort to be as fair and unbiased as we possibly can. Congratulations to all winners!”
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May, 2009 Faith is a Lifestyle
By Pastors Dean & Ruth Remmers FaithisaLifestyle@yahoo.com “If you miss heaven, you miss what you were born for” is something often quoted by “Uncle” Ivan Perkins, the husband of our long-time pastor and Mother in the Lord. I recently asked some Mothers if they had a saying or “rule of thumb” that they lived by. Here’s what they told me…. Our aunt, Norma Atkinson, said that her Mother and Dad always taught them to “Treat others as we would want to be treated.” This is similar to the rod that my mother used to straighten her four saplings—“If you can’t say something good about someone, then don’t say anything at all.” I think, like most moms, there were times that she would have preferred that we didn’t say anything at all just to give her a little peace and quiet. My mother-in-law has always encouraged us to walk in love toward people because “We may be the only Bible they’ll ever read.” There have been plenty of opportunities to retaliate in haste to ignorant and/or hateful people, but if we truly believe the scripture, then we have to live like it. God doesn’t require us to be doormats, but we must live our lives to please the Father. My youngest sister, Becky Gillen, explained her rule of thumb. “There have always been and will always be debates concerning what rules we should follow concerning what to watch on TV, what books to read, or what music to listen to. I base my determination on one thing, if Jesus were sitting next to me would I be watching/reading/listening/doing what I’m doing? Jesus may not be sitting next to us but He should be in our hearts.” My oldest sister, Gloria Neel, said they have saved many hours of wondering by first finding out God’s will “when facing a better job opportunity, buying a vehicle or house, etc. If it is God’s will, we will do/buy it. But if it’s not God’s will, we will be content in the position we are in. Don’t think we just sit back and wait for God to drop it in our laps (although He sometimes does it that way).” “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) Tina Kramer, who is like a sister to me, lives by this every day, “Pray until something happens, and never give up!” Faith moves mountains, but you can’t allow doubt and unbelief to creep in and steal your peace. Faith rests in the assurance that God has already done the work. Our aunt, Judy Gillen, says that her mom taught all of her six kids that “It is better to know how and not to have to than to have to and not know how.” She also adds that the happiest people in life have these three things: a true friend, a best friend, and a best friend who is their true love, which is what she shared with our Uncle Daniel. Carolyn Morehead of deep South Texas lives by this adage: “There was a man, they called him mad. The more he gave, the more he had.” (John Bunyan, author of Pilgrim’s Progress) Carolyn is a long-time friend and Bible teacher. She has learned through the Word of God and through experience that you can’t out-give God. “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” (Luke 6:38, NLT) Our cousin, Kerri Dauzat, adds “Always, always, always, be obedient to what God is asking of you. Because someone who I thought very highly of was obedient to God and shared with me what God asked of him, it changed my life in a profound way.” “To obey is better than sacrifice.” (from I Samuel 15:22) We wish each woman who is a mother (or like a mother to someone) a Very Happy Mother’s Day! Please tell us a “rule of thumb” you live by. Contact us at FaithIsaLifestyle@yahoo.com or 903217-6988. God bless you! Here are some words to remember from two mothers who are ministers and my good friends: Philippians 4:13—“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Dana Womble) and “What would you attempt to do if you knew you wouldn’t fail?” (Cheryl Watkins).
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Lone Oak Middle School received the Elmer Watson Recognition Award at the Texas Middle School Conference in Galveston, Texas, on March 5-7. The Elmer Watson Award is given to campuses that exemplify the middle school philosophy through the implementation of the Turning Point 2000 model and other innovative educational practices.
Mrs. Jennifer Anderson received the Outstanding Teacher Award for 2009 at the Texas Middle School Conference in Galveston, Texas, on March 5-7. She has been a classroom teacher for 16 years and at LOMS for the past 6 years. Her enthusiasm for teaching and her compassion for her students is contagious. Educating her children is her passion and her gift.
Congratulations, Band!
Fifty members of the Lone Oak Middle School Band brought
home a First Division trophy on March 26 from the 39th Annual Funfest in Dallas. The event is sponsered by Sandy Lake Amusement Park, which welcomes more than 1600 Bands, Choirs, and Orchestras every year during March, April and May. All three members of the judging panel rated the band with the top score of First Division. The band will also attend the Soundpost Festival in Canton on May 8. The band is directed by Mrs. Linda Holmes.
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May, 2009
Texas Twister include at least eight safety features, including controlled paper, a true watermark, thermochromatic ink, and toner anchorage on laser checks for business use. • Leave A Lasting Mark – Use a uni-ball 207 gel pen when signing checks. The black ink in the 207 is bold and contains color pigments that absorb into paper fibers.
My Uncle Travis and Aunt Helen come from a time when it was safe to put mail out at your house to be picked up by the mail carrier. They just walked out, and raised the red flag so the carrier would know to stop and get their outgoing mail. Well, it’s not safe to do that any more. A couple of months ago, my aunt and uncle were the victims of check washing. Check washing is a process where checks are stolen and the ink is “erased” using common household products. The valid signature can be left. The thieves rewrite the checks in the amount of their choosing or simply “make” the valid check amount and signature out to their name. A teller at my aunt and uncle’s bank was suspicious of the check and called them to confirm they had written a check to the person trying to cash it. This time, the criminals were caught. According to the National Check Fraud Center, some $815 million is lost each year in the United States to this type of fraud. I’ve heard that it happens, and you think it won’t happen to you. Helen and Travis have lived in the same great neighborhood for many years, and if it can happen to them, it can happen to anyone. Here are some tips, and my personal favorite would be: Don’t put your mail out and raise a red flag to let someone know there is mail in it. • Wrap It Up – When giving monetary gifts, avoid placing checks in the mail. If unavoidable, make sure the check is wrapped with a sheet of paper or in a card, making the check less likely to be viewed outside of the envelope. • Be Secure – Never leave mail in an unsecured mailbox. Instead, drop your outgoing mail at a post office or locked postal boxes. Approximately 99 percent of all checks that are washed are stolen out of home mailboxes. • Beware Of Too Much Stuffing – If public mailboxes are nearly full, find another secure box to drop your mail in. Thieves prey on mailboxes that fill up during the weekend because access is easy. • Check Your Checks – Using secure checks is an important component in preventing check fraud. Highly secure checks should
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May, 2009
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Royse City Health & Rehabilitation Center
Great news for our area! Royse City Health and Rehabilitation
Center’s Grand Opening was April 30th. It is a state-of-the-art senior care and rehabilitation center with 124 beds housed in a luxuriously home-like atmosphere. There is a working fireplace in the sitting area/ lobby, and you are surrounded by green plants, and beautiful furnishings. There is a private dining room for the residents to entertain their friends and family. There is also a barber/beauty salon, a licensed social worker, and activities every day.
If you are thinking that all of this must be only for the very
wealthy, you really need to call and talk with Robbi Stewart, Admissions Coordinator. The price at the beautiful new facility is no different than other facilities that offer less. Robbi says even though the building and all it has to offer is wonderful, it is the people who make it a great facility.
Greg Nelson is the administrator and he has over 20 years ex-
perience in long term card. Mr. Nelson says “We have a passion for getting people back home.”
EXPERT ADVICE
Gifted and Talented students at Miss May Vernon Elementary have been engaged in a year long investigation of different areas of study that they were always interested in and wanted to learn more about. The in depth research provided them with the knowledge they Matt Stone & Tanner Coker (back row) visit with needed to become residential Vernon Elementary Gifted & Talented 5th Grade experts on their campus, where students upon they shared their expertise with other classes. As a culmination of this research project, Royse City High School students, Tanner Coker and Matt Stone visited with the 5th grade GT students and shared their areas of expertise. Students were very impressed with Tanner’s art work and Matt’s love of basketball. Other topics touched on were Debate, One Act Play, Sports, etc. Both students answered a number of questions pertaining to how the GT program differs at each level. Pre-Advanced Placement and Advance Placement classes were highly recommended. Tanner and Matt were very resourceful and gave the students insight into what to expect and what was available for students at each school.
The Royse City Bands Compete in the UIL Region 3 Band Contest! The Concert Band competed in the Non Varsity contest and received Division 2 ratings in concert and sight reading. The Symphonic Band competed in the Varsity Contest and Received a Division 1 Rating in Concert and Sight reading. They were also awarded a Sweepstakes Trophy for Division 1 ratings in all UIL band contests.
On March 20, 2009, Royse City Cross Examination debate teams attended the 99th Annual University Interscholastic League State Tournament. Sean Smallwood and Camille Flores placed 5th out of 32 teams represented at the state level. This was our first year to compete at the 4A level and our teams made it to the state level competition. Morgan Morman and Stacy Hood also traveled to state as the 104A CX Alternate Team. Congratulations! Pictured: RCHS school bus speakers: Morgan Morman, Kaley Dusek, Camille Flores and Sean Smallwood presented their original speeches on “Big, Yellow and Built to Protect, Safety Features of My School Bus. Students were asked to compose and present an original speech based on the theme above. Only one student from each grade level per district is allowed to participate. RCHS students placed first at district and regional competition. The students will travel to Waco, Texas on April 17, 2009 for State Competition
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May, 2009
Solution on Page 27
Texas Twister
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Spring has officially made it to Texas, and summer is on its way!! With the summer comes family vacations, field trips, and other fun outings. It’s a busy time, so please remember that your child’s safety must come first. Keeping your child safe means to buckle their seatbelt, or buckle them in the appropriate child safety seat. So many times I will be driving, look over and the children in another car will be just jumping around, or riding in the front even if they’re under the specific age that the car manufacturer recommends. This aggravates me to no end. Car accidents are not planned, hence the name
May, 2009
accident. You don’t know when a vehicle is going to run into you, or the precise moment that you are going to have a tire blow out, which could cause an accident. Child safety seats and booster seats are not just smart, they are the law. According to the Texas Department of Public Safety’s website any child under 5 years of age AND less than 36” in height is required to be secured in a child safety seat according to manufacturers guidelines. If you do not do this you are breaking the law and not to mention putting your child in severe danger. Here are some interesting facts and statistics that we may not think about. Did you know that 75% of motor vehicle accidents occur within 25 miles of your home? 75%, that’s an astronomical percentage! Also, in 2005, 1,451 children from the ages of 0-15 years were killed in vehicle related crashes. 50% of children under the age of 14 that were killed in motor vehicle accidents were not properly restrained in the vehicle. If all children under the age of 5 were placed in child safety seats, approximately 50,000 serious injuries could be prevented and 455 lives saved annually. Child safety seats can be tricky to install correctly. You can go to any fire station and there should be someone who can assist you in making sure that your child’s seat is installed according to manufacturing guidelines. If they cannot help you they can direct you to the correct facility. For the safety of your children, please ensure that your child is correctly buckled up, whether it is in a child safety seat, a booster seat, or the seat belt in your vehicle. The safest place for a child under the age of 15, in a motor vehicle is in the back seat with a seat belt on. Even if you’re just running down the street, or to the store, please buckle your children correctly. Wishing you all a safe, fun-filled summer!!! www.childrenshospital. org www.txdps.state.tx.us
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Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment! ************************************ Q: What is black and white and black and white and black and white…..? A: A penguin falling down the stairs! ************************************ Q: When does a teacher carry birdseed? A: When there is a parrot-teacher conference!
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May, 2009
Texas Twister
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May, 2009
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NATE
I got a message on my cell phone last week. “Ginger, I need your help.� was all she said. My dear friend, Lana Carlisle of Point, Tx. was calling. I immediately returned her call. It had been a while since I had talked with her, and the message had a dark sense of urgency to it. She told me a tragic story of her grandson, Nate Oxford, now 3 years old and how he had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, Medulloblastoma, in December, 2008. We made plans to visit the next day. Lana told me how it all began with Nate throwing up. His parents, Wes and Jackie Oxford (he is a Rockwall insurance agent, and she teaches 4th grade) took him to his pediatrician. The pediatrician sent them to the hospital for tests. An MRI found a tumor at the back of his brain, another at the front, and tumors that had also spread along his spine. Two days later, they preformed an operation to remove as much of one tumor as they could The cancer spread quickly, and soon Nate could no longer speak. Lana cried, and I cried with her. Nate is one of 13 children across the nation undergoing a unique clinical trial that uses a strong cocktail of chemotherapy drugs to fight the disease. He takes chemo treatments everyday. He got to go home in April, though
he is having to learn to walk and speak again. Nate will be taking chemo treatments at least until Dec. Friends, family, and co-workers have rallied together to donate their time, money, and prayers for Nate. Medulloblastoma is a rare form of cancer with a 10 to 15% chance of survival. Nate is fighting for his life, along with hundreds of others. They are working on a treatment, a cure. Please dig deep in your hearts with prayer and your pocket for money! You can go to www.prayfornateoxford.com to find a way to help, call 903-268-0133 or write Lana Carlisle P O Box 85 Emory, Tx. 75440.
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May, 2009
Texas Twister
You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.�
~~~~~ Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931
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1-877-FOOD-MINISTRY SIGNATURE BOX $30.00 Balanced nutrition and variety with enough food to feed a family of four for a week. 2.5 lb. Lean Chopped Beef Steaks (5 x 8 oz.) 5 lb. Leg Quarters 2 lb. Chicken and Corn Bread Stuffing Casserole (Ready to Cook) 28 oz. Salisbury Steak Dinner Entrée 1 lb. Boneless Pork Chops (4 x 4 oz.) 1 lb. Corn Dogs (6 ct.) 12 oz. Deli Sliced Ham 5 oz. Chunk Light Tuna in Water 32 oz. French Fries 1 lb. Sweet Corn 15 oz. Musselman’s Apple Sauce 15 oz. Pears (Product of U.S.A.) 8 oz. Dinner Roll Mix (Makes 8 Nice Rolls) 7.5 oz. Mac ’n Cheese 32 oz. 2% Shelf Stable Milk Dozen Eggs Dessert SENIOR & CONVENIENCE MEALS $28.00 For Seniors or People on the Go! Ten perfectly seasoned, nutritionally balanced, fully cooked meals—just heat and serve. Each meal has been developed with the dietary needs of senior citizens in mind, and contains 3 oz. of protein, a starch & two vegetables or fruit. Creamy Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo with Corn and Capri Blend Vegetables Beef Chili Macaroni Casserole with Diced Carrots and Green Beans Grilled Chicken Strips & Penne Pasta with Creamy Tomato Basil Sauce, Capri Blend Vegetables and Green Beans with Onions and Red Peppers Three Cheese Ravioli with Garlic Tomato Meat Sauce, Rosemary Roasted Potatoes with Zucchini and Tomatoes New Orleans Style Chicken over Savory Rice with Okra & Tomatoes and Diced Sweet Potatoes Flame Broiled BBQ Chicken Breast with Diced Sweet Potatoes and Broccoli Seasoned Beef Meatballs & Shell Pasta with Creamy Alfredo Sauce, Green Bean Casserole and Squash Medley Pot Roast and Gravy with Vegetables, Diced Potatoes and Green Peas Home-Style Meatloaf with Zesty Tomato Sauce, Diced Rutabagas and Lima Beans Breaded Chicken Patty with Baked Beans and Mixed Vegetables 10 2-pack, individually-wrapped cookies ALLERGEN-FREE FOOD BOX $25.00 Processed to eliminate the eight top serious allergens: Peanuts, Soybeans, Milk, Eggs, Fish, Crustacea, Tree Nuts and Gluten (wheat, rye and barley). Great for children and adults! 1 lb. Coated Chicken Tenders 1 lb. Coated Breast Filet 1 lb. Coated Chicken Nuggets 1 lb. Coated Chicken Wings 1 lb. Coated Cubed Steak (Chicken Fried Steak) Battered with water, white rice, brown rice, modified tapioca starch, flax seed, sugar, salt, spices, dehydrated garlic, spice extractives and oleoresin paprika. Breaded with white rice, brown rice, modified tapioca starch, flax seed, sugar, dextrose, salt, spices, dehydrated garlic, spice
May, 2009 extractives and oleoresin paprika. SEAFOOD BOX The Long-Awaited Seafood Box is Here! 2 lb. Boneless/Skinless Ocean Perch Fillets (6 oz.-8oz. Fillets) 2 lb. IQF Boneless/Skinless Tilapia (4 oz.-6 oz. Fillets) 3 lb. Ocean Haddock Fillets (3-1 lb. bags)Breading is prebrowned in Canola oil. ***One or More Specials Available Only With the Purchase of Any of the Standard Boxes Above *** MAY SPECIAL #1 6 lb. Assorted Meat Box $22.00 1.5 lb. Bone-in Strip Steaks (2 x 12 oz.) 2 lb. Thick-Cut Pork Chops (4 x 8 oz.) 1.5 lb. Bacon-Wrapped Beef Patties (4 x 6 oz.) 1 lb. Bratwurst with Cheese MAY SPECIAL #2 4 lb. Sirloin Strip Box $21.00 4 lb. Sirloin Strip Steaks (8 x 8 oz.) MAY SPECIAL #3 Super Value Fajita Kit (5+ lbs.) $21.00 2 lb. Steak Fajita Strip Packs (2 x 1 lb.) 2 lb. Chicken Breast Fajita Strip Packs (2 x 1 lb.) 1 lb. Onions & Bell Peppers 20 ct. 8” Flour Tortillas MAY SPECIAL #4 Chicken Tenders Box $23.00 10 lb. IQF Ready-to-Cook Unbreaded Chicken Tenders (80 pieces per box avg.) MAY SPECIAL #5 Fresh Fruit and Veggie Box $22.00 1 head Premium Fresh California Iceberg Lettuce 1 head Premium Fresh California Romaine Lettuce 1 5 oz. Package Fresh Gourmet Classic Caesar Croutons 1 Package Wiley’s Citrus Garlic Salad Seasoning 1 lb. California CelloPack Carrots 2 each Premium Jumbo Vidalia Sweet Onions 1 each Premium Jumbo Red Onion 1 6 oz. Bag Premium Fresh Florida Red Radishes 1 head Premium Fresh Green Cabbage 3 lb. Premium Idaho Baking Potatoes 3 lb. Premium TreeRipened Valencia Oranges 3 lb. Premium Washington State Red Delicious Apples 1 each Premium Large Vine Ripened Honeydew Melon AFM May 2009 Fruit and Veggie Recipe Sheet MAY SPECIAL #6 “Latin Flavors” Fresh Fruit and Veggie Box $22.00 6 Large Roma Tomatoes (Pink Color) 4 pack Premium California Hass Avocados 1 head Premium Fresh Green Cabbage 2 lb. Premium Fresh Key Limes 1 lb. Premium Fresh Jalapeno Peppers 2 lb. Premium Fresh
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New Crop B Size Red Potatoes 1 lb. Premium Fresh California Cello-Pack Carrots 1 5 ct. Premium Fresh Garlic 2 lb. Premium Fresh Large-Medium White Onions 2 each Premium Fresh Chayote Squash 4 each Premium Calabacita Squash 1 each Premium Fresh Celery-Sleeve 1 each Premium Sweet Red Seedless Watermelon AFM May 2009 “Latin Flavors” Recipe Sheet Orders Due: Contact Your Local Host Site* Distribution Day: Contact Your Local Host Site* *Please note that some host sites have earlier order deadlines. Please contact your local host site for information. Visit our website to locate a host site near you www.angelfoodministries.com Angel Food Ministries Reserves the Right to Substitute Any of the Above Items Due to Availability, Cost and Quality. We Accept Food Stamps (EBT). Angel Food Ministries is an equal opportunity provider and employer. Complaints of discrimination should be sent to USDA, Director, Office of Civil Rights, Washington, DC 20250-9410
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May, 2009
Texas Twister
BEAUTY, ETC.
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Deal direct with the Roofer. 30 yrs exAVON WANTED perience call for Free Lowest estimate! Avon Representatives for my new Rickey Casey 903-356-5001 cell 903-850unit. $10 Sign Up. Great Extra 0463 Income or just buy products at deep discount for yourself. Call Cindy SEWING Johnson @ 903-268-6271 or email Repairs * Alterations * Custom Work ceejaysAVON@ aol.com Hems * Quilts * ReStyles Affordable Prices * Fast Turn-around CLEANING SERVICE 8709 Wesley Suite C Immaculate Cleaning Greenville, Tx Cleaning services at your convenience 682-554-4550 You have tried them all; now try the 38 Years Experience best! THE STUDIO For a free estimate, please call “Let Us Sew It For You!” 972-974-5363
EMPLOYMENT WANTED
TRANSMISSIONS
Looking for work in the Kaufman Complete rebuilt 4L60E or 4L65E Cnty area. I have worked in the truss Expert Rebuilder 40yrs Experience design industry for 10 years. Also Written warranty. Can be installed in have experience in Accounts Payable 1193-2005 G.M. or 4 wheel drive & Admin. Assist. I am very dependFREE ESTIMATE! Call 903-372able, and a hard worker. Call 2141373 415-8599 or email jmt1014@embarqWAITRESS APRONS mail.com to have resume faxed. Solid, personality pockets 3-5 Pockets - Very Serviceable ~ SpeINSURANCE cial Orders Available Free auto, home, life or business quotes Over 100 Personality at www.slaughteragency.com also enter Pockets Available to win a 25.00 Walmart Gift card ! 903-560-1947 Bill Slaughter 903-356-4830 903-641-8220 PLUMBING
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May, 2009
If I had one wish...it would be that all people would believe. ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’( Jeremiah 33:3) Starting as a small child I learned that God answers prayers. The “Faith” that I have found came without seeing God, but seeing Him meet my needs as I called out to Him in times of need when no one else could be there to help. So many times in my life, I felt there was no where else to turn. Not knowing that I did not have to be in such desperate need to call out to God. Not knowing that He wants us to communicate with us through our prayers large and small, simple or big. Starting around the age of 8 is the first time I remember calling to God in desperate need of help. A family member that I loved most in the world was very intoxicated, to the point of trying to jump out of a moving car. After being there through the whole experience and getting them home and safely in bed, I began to pray with all the sincerity of my heart to God. My feelings consisted of hurt, sadness, and anger all at the same time. I prayed to God asking Him to help this person I loved, but at the same time I prayed that they become so sick from drinking that they would think they were dying. My hopes were if they felt like they were truly dying, they would stop getting drunk. The very next morning when I went to this most loved person, all they could say was “Oh God, I feel like I am going to die !”. This is where I first remember a light bulb going off in my head that this is what I prayed! It lasted for days, the sickness and pain. I would like to tell you my loved one stopped drinking. As a result of the drinking not being a part of their life, our life became very good. Answered Prayers! I want to continue this column. I have so many more stories to tell of the prayers God has answered for me. I would also like to hear and publish others stories about how God answered your prayers. If you have a testimony you would like to share in the Texas Twister please send it to misty@texastwister.us.
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May, 2009
Texas Twister
God and the Preacher
A Baptist preacher loved to fish. It was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn’t had a chance to get his beloved waders on or get his favorite lures out of their box. Strangely though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work. The weather forecast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow preacher claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon. The preacher drove fifty miles to a lake so that no one would recognize him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the preacher was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it. With the first cast of his line a huge bass swallow the lure. For over an hour the preacher ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster, and it turned out to be a world record bass. Confused the angel asked God, “Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson.” God replied “I did. Who do you think he’s going to tell?”
Bass-A lot of people thought the spawn was ending but we are getting lots of customers that are still catching the fish on the beds. So, there are still fish in shallow water. Crappie-There are a lot of crappie being caught under the bridges, and the boat docks but people are still catching them in deep water too. So right now they’re being caught all over. Catfish- We are getting word that there are some catfish beginning to move up getting ready to spawn. So they are deep and shallow right now. A lot of fish are being caught this week. Some big Bass, and some big catfish. So whatever fish you prefer fishing for this week if the time to get out there on the water. Good luck to all of you, and if you do catch a big one out there bring it in to the store and let us get some pictures before you release it.
Bass----Caught by- Ken Richardson of Burleson, TX Weight- 11 lb. 4 oz. Caught with- Froggy D’s Water dog in 4 to 5 ft. of water with a 4/0 eagle claw weedless keeper hook
Catfish-----Caught by- Paul Duvall, from Alba, TX Weight- 54 lb. Caught with- live bait on a trotline in 25 ft. of water.
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Walking on Water?
Three priests were fishing on a boat when
they ran out of bait. The first priest got up and walked across the water to get some more bait. After 2 hours they ran out of bait again and the second priest said he would go get more bait... so he got up and walked across the water. After 3 hours of fishing they ran out of bait again and the third priest said he would get more bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom. The first priest turned to the second priest and asked, “Should we have told him where the rocks were? “
May, 2009
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, ‘If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?’
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his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, ‘You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.’ ‘That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,’ says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, ‘Sure, Why not?’
Then the Bud says to the young man, ‘Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?’
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, ‘Okay, why not?’
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on
‘You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government’, says Bud. ‘Wow! That’s correct,’ says the yuppie, ‘but how did you guess that?’ ‘No guessing required.’ answered the cowboy. ‘You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . Now give me back my dog.
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May, 2009
Texas Twister
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello.’ ‘Mrs. Sanders, please.’ ‘Speaking.’ ‘Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.’
‘What do you mean?’ Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
‘Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the
other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.’
‘That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?’ questioned Mrs. Sand-
ers.
‘Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive
tests one time.’ ‘Well, what am I supposed to do now?’ ‘The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.’
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May, 2009
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by Ashley Bain Okay folks, just a fair warning I don’t normally write this column. I feel the extreme urge to write it this month due to a recent experience of mine! I love how when a woman needs mechanical work done on a vehicle, a dishonest shop might say, “Here comes our paycheck guys”! And, after years of reading Car Talk, I should know that. This is crazy! I may be a woman, but I am not stupid. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a used tire shop. (I know used tires are not the best, but in a pinch, they’ll work.) I bought two tires, one on a Thursday and one on Friday. The next week I had problems. Severe vibration. I went back to the shop. I had the receipt for one tire, but not the other. I asked the man if he remembered me buying the tires, he says tells me that he does. I’m thinking, “Ok, we’re making progress”. But then, not so much. He tells me if I have no receipt, no guarantee. He will replace the one I have a receipt for, but not the other one. Ok, so I called a friend of mine, who happens to be a male. In the meantime, I am pumping gas and looking at the tire, I notice he put the wrong size tire on the front. I am driving with two different size tires on the front of my car! I’m a woman and even I know that’s really bad! So, I inform my trusty friend who happens to be local mechanic shop owner. He meets me back down at the tire shop, and all of the sudden, it’s a whole different story. After some words, loudness, and haggle from my friend, the tire shop owner regretfully changes both of the front tires. I know that you are all thinking I should be glad he fixed the problem. And, I am. However, you would think in the year 2009, women would be treated fairly without having to call in the big guns. I don’t know what the answer is, except to be very careful of where you take you vehicles to get the worked on, maintained, or to make a purchase. Get references. And, find a shop you can trust, and stay with them! (By the way, the hero of this story is J D Murray from JD’s Garage!)
Puzzle on Page 16
Puzzle on Page 8