Dealing with challenging participants

This is a skill-based practical approach to dealing with people who challenge you.

There are three main topics: 1. Recognizing your own response to a person who challenges you. 2. Understanding the other person’s perspective. 3. Strategies for dealing with the difficult situation.

1. People respond emotionally to situations when they are • afraid and feel threatened • frustrated because their needs are not being met. 2. Although the primary emotions are fear and frustration, people most often will react with anger as the secondary emotion. Part of your skill in dealing with these people is to discover the underlying cause of their anger. 3. Anger may be demonstrated overtly and aggressively or covertly and passively. Either behaviour can be equally difficult to deal with. 4. Communication is the key to discovering the cause of the person’s difficulties. 5. Curiosity is key in trying to understand another person. Judging the person will hamper your ability to understand.

We can respond to anger in three ways: • Passively—may defuse anger temporarily but will probably continue later • Aggressively—will increase the conflict • Assertively—this is the only response which allows both people a chance at resolving the conflict.

Defusing anger assertively: • self-awareness • constructive rapport • building rapport • communication—empathic response, open-ended questions, validating, summarizing, reframing, and silence • “I” messages • Disengagement.

“I can see how frustrated you are with the quality of my report.” “I want to work this situation out to our mutual satisfaction.”

“I believe that we can find a solution that we can both support.” “Everything will be OK.” “It’s not my intent to… What I’m trying to do is…” “My assumption was that…” “You have the right to be angry about…”

Ask open-ended questions “What…?” or “How…?” Give empathic responses “So you feel …about…” Summarize “What I’ve heard from you so far is…”

“So you value…” “We’re both getting defensive and not listening to each other.”

“I apologize for …” “I feel confused about…” or “It worries me that…”

“This is too important to rush. Give me a minute to think about…”

1. Remain calm yourself • coping self-talk • ensure physical safety. 2. Non-verbally reassure • adequate personal space • supportive stance. 3. Encourage talk • attending body language • don’t interrupt • minimal encouragers. 4. Show understanding • empathic response (reflecting) • open-ended questions • reframe summarize

• match intensity of the other person’s speech and gradually lower your voice intensity • use individual’s name with frequency • be prepared to repeat yourself. 5. Commit to resolve issue • emphasize willingness to resolve acknowledge importance. 6. Help others save face • reassure re: outburst • offer options to pursue issue now or later refrain from verbalizing judgments regarding behaviour.

• be aware of own triggers • be aware of unrealistic expectations • change negative self-talk • think before responding • manage body stress.

• listen openly • convey understanding/empathy • take your share of the responsibility • don’t judge/criticize/negate/put down • explore/validate/show respect for other’s experience • seek to equalize power, don’t use “power over” • try to understand and address other’s fears and assumptions.

• take action, if needed • be aware of change in environmental stressors (i.e., onlookers, location, noise level, etc.) • set limits on behaviours if required • disengage.

Problem

Domination by a highly verbal member

Low participation by the whole group

Many people interrupting one another in competition for airtime

Two people locking horns

Goofing around in the middle of a discussion

Side conversations and whispered chuckles.

Try to control the person: “Excuse me, can we let someone else take a turn?”

Assume, without verifying, that everyone understands the key issues and agrees with what is being said. Indicate frustration with the group. Take control. Interrupt conversations to ask people to be more respectful. Randomly call on one person at a time to speak.

Put the focus on the interaction between the two disputing parties, as though no one else in the room has an opinion. Treat the two like children: “Can’t you get along?” Try to “organize” people by getting into a power struggle. Raise your voice and single out the apparent ringleaders. Ignore the behaviour and hope it will go away. Chastise the whisperers in the belief that humiliation is an excellent deterrent.

Use a talking stick to give each participant the opportunity to speak. Change to partner or small group work. Shift to an alternate activity that lowers anxiety levels. Create a safe space for input by working in partners or small groups. Revisit the focus and goals. Acknowledge the dominant members’ ideas, then invite input from other participants. Determine whether another issue is distracting the group and allow time to acknowledge it before asking permission to move on.

Explain the need to intervene. Allow the current speaker to finish. Then use a tool to structure speaking, or change the grouping and/or type of activity. Use a talking stick to encourage other members’ participation and input so you can focus your attention on them. Identify the perspectives provided by the two disputing people and invite others to contribute additional perspectives.

Change the activity and/or grouping to allow participants to become more positively engaged. Change the activity and/or grouping to allow participants to become more actively engaged. Ask participants to revisit the goals they wish to accomplish during the session.

Determine whether another issue is distracting the group and allow time to acknowledge it before asking permission to move on.

Ask the group to indicate their energy level with a hand signal. Carry out an energizer or take a break if needed.

Use humour to describe the lack of functioning within the group and seek a solution.

Model calm and respectful interaction.

Ask the group to indicate their energy level with a hand signal. Carry out an energizer or take a break if needed. Use warmth and humour to make an appeal for decorum.

Adapted from Facilitator’s Guide to Participatory Decision-Making, Sam Kaner, 2007, and The Alchemy of Group Facilitation, Dovetail Consulting Group

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Change the strategy and or tools to allow the group to better meet their goals.

• Change the grouping: o individual o partner work o small group work o fishbowl o large group • Change the activity o reflection o journaling o free discussion o brainstorm o turn taking o see the Workshop on Workshops for more ideas • Use a tool to structure conversations o talking stick o parking lot o visual timer o 3-finger rule.

Clarify or modify the focus of an activity to allow the group to function better.

• Acknowledge outside distractions and unfinished business o start with a check-in o stop activity if necessary to o acknowledge distractions o ask permission to move on • Redirect participants’ focus o restate/clarify the topic o identify the purpose o find another time to address the unrelated issues that arise o encourage acceptance of a variety of perspectives and interpretations • Move to another item if necessary.

Modify the tone or feeling of the group by changing communication style or activities. • Use humour • Model a change in behaviour o tone of voice o body language • Add an energizer o movement break o game • Review group norms • Take a break.

1. Communicate confidence in your ability to intervene. 2. Be positive and respectful. Address the issue and not the person. 3. Clearly identify the issue before proposing an intervention. Where appropriate, involve the group in identifying possible solutions. 4. Avoid spending too much time. Come to a quick solution when possible.

Adapted from Facilitator’s Guide to Participatory Decision Making, Sam Kaner, 2007, and The Alchemy of Group Facilitation, Dovetail Consulting Group

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