OUR JOURNEY

by Cyndi McKoy

“I’ll see you later on” was a phrase I often heard as my husband would leave the house, whether going to help his mom or brother at the Funeral Home or as he left for his 3 day a week job with Amazon. But on this day, it was around 7:30 am when I heard him say those words. I stepped into the kitchen to reply, “Okay, Honey, I’ll see you later.” When he left that day, I had no idea that these would be the last words that I would hear my husband speak.

Most of us know James McKoy, Jr. by Phil McKoy, the oldest boy out of thirteen and that traditional keyboard player from St. Pauls, NC. He was a sharp dresser, and he never met a stranger. He had only started Amazon three weeks earlier, but he was already well-known by his younger co-workers as Mr. James. On this day, he would head to work, and I left to go to work as I had retired and was working with my daughter in her Real Estate Firm.

As I was working on things at my desk, my daughter’s phone rang; it was about 10:30 am, and she calmly answered and responded to the caller. Then, she calmly told us we must hurry and go to the hospital. I ask her what’s wrong – and she tells me to drive. When we finally got to the Emergency room, she jumped out of the car, took my phone, and told me to park the car and hurry in. My mind is racing, and I do not know where or what, as I am trying to gain access to the hospital – everyone who hears my name is rushing me through; I should have known something – But I never thought it was him.

As I finally got to the ER, two ladies met me and told me that they were going to have the doctor explain to me the condition of my husband. My heart dropped. It is Wednesday, March 15, 2023, around 11:00 am. Life, as I have known it until now, has changed. Is my husband alive or dead? I was waiting with my daughter and her husband when four people entered this small room and told us he was alive, but he had coded three times and was in an induced coma. Shortly afterward, we were taken to the ICU, where he was to spend seven days attached to breathing machines, tubes in his mouth and his nose. After asking what happened, I was told he did not have a stroke or heart attack. Low Magnesium and Potassium shut his heart down. Faced with decision after decision, feeling confused and alone, I wanted to give him every chance he had to live – so we opted for a tracheostomy and a feeding tube to keep him breathing and fed.

As March turned to April and complication after complication – I am reading, researching – while praying, reading, and proclaiming the Word of God over him, playing brain healing frequencies, and keeping his hands, arms, and legs rubbed constantly. I started to see some movement. Hallelujah!! Now April has turned to May – he is stable. I am told to find a suitable Nursing Home and put him in Hospice because the parts of his brain that are damaged affect his eyes and speech. With this type of Brain injury, many people never recover; they may never walk, talk, or see again. This is not how I envisioned our golden years to be. We just came home from a great trip to New Orleans with plans to travel more. Whew, want to talk about life–living? To know me, you know I am a fighter; I have been a fighter all my life – so now – let the good fight of Faith begin.

May 9, 2023, I am not sure what I expected. My daughter’s health has now taken a dive, and she is fighting to save herself. There are so many decisions and few visible resources, and I am alone. I then remember the prayer a former mentor would pray: bring the people that need to be here and PS – keep those that do not need to be here away. That was the only way I could get my mind to comprehend where I was as I was in the struggle of my life. To find out that you worked all your life to obtain stability, something like this happens, and you do not have enough to get what you need. The system says you make and have too much for us to help you. I found myself between a rock and a hard place.

I converted his keyboard/guest room and brought my husband home to a familiar place. Hard is an understatement but necessary. I had no idea what to do or where to find what I needed. But I knew what I did not need, so by the end of May, he had a heart attack, and they refused to do any corrective surgery because he was non-verbal and in a semi-conscious state. At the end of May, I had to fire Hospice. The next move was to see if his doctor would take him back as a patient - and I got a Home Health company, and within a week, they fired me, LOL – just because I knew too much. As I sought out another Home Health Company to assist us, I found one with Angels within.

In the meantime, I am borrowing wheelchairs because I know how to get him better; I must get some doctors to see him. So, nothing is easy, not even acquiring transportation to and from the appointments. But God. Everyone who sees him mentions how his skin glows, that he does not have bed sores, and that he should not be doing what he is doing. I will repeat it, “But God!” By July, he’s off oxygen, and his eyes follow me around the room. By August, he’s off the humidified air machine; in October, he is decannulated and catches pneumonia; we fight that off; we’ve been in and out of the ER because Phil is now bedridden; I must wait between 6 to 12 hours after discharge to get a ride home.

In August, we wanted to take a trip to Hawaii for our 22nd Anniversary; I themed and decorated the house as if we were going on his birthday. In November, I decorated his room for Thanksgiving. I cooked, and we celebrated alone. Christmas, I cooked, and we celebrated it with our grandson, Larry Jr., who has not missed a celebration.

This journey has been a labor of Love – many ups and downs, highs and lows. The one regret I have is that his mother did not get the chance to see him without the Tracheotomy, as she passed on October 11, the day after his father’s birthday. I get him up in his wheelchair daily as we go into this next phase of his journey. He is still non-verbal and bedridden, but I trust God that will not be the end of the story as he is making sounds and is trying to get up.

The demand and expenses are high. Our goals and expectations are also high. I could not have made it this far without the support of my children, my grandkids, family and friends. I appreciate all of you who have stepped up, and I am so thankful for the prayers that have sustained us throughout this journey. As progress continues, the need will also rise. Will you consider helping us in any way to get my husband back to as normal as God will have it?

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