Things

I’m about to turn 35, and …let me check my ring finger… yep, still single. Some days I struggle a lot with this, and other days I feel endlessly grateful for everything that has happened to bring me exactly where I am right now. I’ve made so many mistakes, hurt others, and endured my fair share of heartache. I’ve also loved hard, taken risks, and learned a ton about myself and about people in general. Now I have the endlessly interesting, frustrating, and entertaining role of working as a matchmaker and coaching others in their love lives. Don’t worry, the irony isn’t lost on me! Here are some of the most important lessons I’ve learned along the way.

1. If someone cheats on you, it’s not about you. It’s about them.

2. It is much harder to leave a bad relationship than to stay in it.

3. If your partner puts you down, RUN. It’s not a misunderstanding and you’re not too sensitive.

4. If someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, it’s because they are not capable of holding space for your emotions and they don’t care how you feel. This, again, says much more about them than it does about you.

5. The person of your dreams will NOT be what you expect. Stay open.

6. Intuition is a powerful thing. If you feel that you’re unsafe or that someone can’t be trusted, you’re probably right.

7. You should be the protagonist in your own life, not the best supporting actor. Go after what you want and the right partner will stand by your side.

8. You will never fully understand someone else’s relationship. Don’t assume you do.

9. No relationship is 100% good or 100% bad. Just like people, they come in shades of gray.

10. You cannot live your life based on timelines that come from society or other people. External pressure is the absolute worst reason to enter a relationship, get married, or have a baby.

11. The second worst reason is the fear of being lonely.

12. If they wanted to be with you, they would be. “He’s Just Not That Into You” is basically a documentary, and you can’t change my mind.

13. Unpopular opinion: I’d argue that we all deserve a second chance 99% of the time. But no one deserves a third chance with your heart.

14. When someone does something that hurts your feelings, tell them. They probably aren’t a mind reader.

15. Timing is everything.

16. No one will ever respect you more than you respect yourself. If you don’t love yourself, that will be reflected back to you in relationship after relationship.

17. When someone shows you the type of person they are, believe them.

18. Don’t fall in love with potential or with your projection of who someone is. Refer back to #17.

19. It’s worth it to take risks in love. You’ll never know if you don’t try. Yes, despite everything, I’m still a romantic!

20. You NEVER owe anyone your body or any kind of sexual act. Be more prepared to say ‘no’ than to say ‘yes’, even if it’s awkward or they are unkind about it.

21. Take responsibility for the times that you mess up in a relationship, which we all do. Hear the other person out, put yourself in their shoes, and say sorry. If you feel that wave of defensiveness rise up in you, wait until it passes and respond from a place of humility and compassion.

22. It takes two to tango. While it may be tempting to point fingers when things go sour, both people are at fault in a toxic or failed relationship -- even if you’re only guilty of staying too long or not standing up for yourself.

23. If you’re looking for someone to complete you, you have more work to do on yourself before entering a relationship. It’s just not fair to the other person.

24.

If someone tells you they aren’t looking for something serious, it’s because they mean it (or because they don’t want it with you). Don’t waste your time waiting it out. I’ve been on both sides of this situation.

25.

Your relationship should be comfortable without frills (a.k.a. distractions). Are you happy sitting on the couch with them alone, sober, and doing absolutely nothing? If so, everything else is a bonus.

26.

Ghosting is extremely unkind, cowardly, and childish. We can all do better than that and treat others with more respect. I say this as someone who is definitely guilty of doing this in the past.

27.

If you’re feeling lonely, sex with someone who doesn’t care about you will make it infinitely worse. Sex with an ex will also make it worse (and will mess with your head more than LITERALLY anything else in the world).

28.

If they don’t bring out the best in you, they aren’t your person. You should also be able to be your silliest, most honest, most tattered-sweatpants-and-glasses-wearing/dirty hair/no makeup version of yourself …and be loved for it.

29.

Don’t make assumptions. In any situation, there’s what actually happened, and then there’s the story you tell yourself about what happened, why, and what it meant. Pay attention to the “story” your mind creates and fact-check with your partner.

30. All of your emotions and other people’s emotions are valid, even if they are irrational.

31. No amount of wanting or trying can make an unhealthy relationship work if the other person isn’t willing to put in the effort.

32.

It’s okay to walk away when you know it’s not right, as soon as you know it’s not right. That doesn’t make you the bad guy.

33. If your heart is breaking and you feel like you might not survive, know that you will be okay. One day soon, an hour will pass without you thinking of them. And then later a few hours. And then a whole day. Eventually you will feel happy again. This I know and can promise you with 100% certainty.

34. You will keep facing the same lesson over and over again in relationships until you learn how to heal yourself and move on. Don’t believe me? Ask your best friend about your dating pattern.

35. Learn from the obstacles. Look back at those cringey relationships and exes and the things that have happened to you, and know that all along, they were preparing you for something better.

Downtown style in a desert city.

Welcome to Hotel Indigo, located in the heart of downtown El Paso. Our boutique hotel offers our guests a comfortable home away from home. Our 5th floor has an amazing heated pool & rooftop bar, Circa 1963. Mamacitas, our cafe on the 1st floor, provides exquisite food, drinks & service.