A MESSAGE FROM THE Rabbi

Of late, I have been receiving a significant number of queries around Jewish ritual practices. Thank you! These kinds of questions make a Rabbi’s heart skip a beat!

For the next few issues of the Kol Tikvah, I will use this space to respond to TBT partner questions. Welcome to Ask the Rabbi.

Many people are curious about the act of reciting Mourner’s Kaddish. Specifically, over whom is one responsible for reciting mourner’s Kaddish? If someone converts to Judaism, are they permitted to say Kaddish for non-Jewish family members? And may one recite kaddish over a beloved and devote family pet?

These are all extremely important questions, so let’s jump in!

We need to begin with What is the Kaddish? The mourner’s kaddish is a prayer, and there are five Kaddish prayers found in our liturgy. [Half, Whole, Mourner’s, Scholar’s & an extended graveside version recited by some, also used at the conclusion of a tractate of Talmud.] The word “kaddish” comes from the root {K-D-SH} which means Sanctification or Holy as in Kedoshim T’heyu! Ya’ll be holy! (Leviticus 19:2). These roots are shared with other familiar words such as kiddush (wine blessing); “Hey it’s Shabbat, let’s say Kiddish over this beautiful bottle of Baron Herzog Merlot!” and Kodesh (holy); “The Torahs live in the Aron HaKodesh (Holy Ark) in the sanctuary.”

All five Kaddishes are ostensibly the same prayer, with verses that focus upon the greatness and the sanctity of G!d. That great Source of Life, who orchestrates the movement of time and space. Who loves and cares for their most favored creation, Us, each and every individual human being.

It is written in Aramaic (spoken language of the ancient Near East, but concludes in the Holy language of Hebrew with the statement, Oseh Shalom bemromav…) but really the statement is a request: for us to know peace in all its forms peace in the world, peace in our families, our homes, and ultimately peace and wholeness in our lives. To say this when we are grieving the loss of someone we loved and cared for means that we are asking for G!d to fill the brokenness that we feel.

For whom and how long do we recite Kaddish? What if I am a Jew-By-Choice, what do I do? Kaddish is meant for mourners to say for parents (biological and adopted), spouses, siblings, and children. Traditionally, Kaddish was said for only 30 days for a child, spouse or sibling, and 11 months plus a day for a parent. Kaddish is also said each year on the Yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) at Yizkor service during the holidays of Passover, Shavuot, Yom Kippur and Sukkot. Jews-by-Choice are absolutely permitted, and lovingly encouraged, to say Kaddish for their Gentile deceased parents. What about grandparents and other relations? Traditionally, one is not required, but the recitation of Kaddish on their Yahrtzeit is an act of love and respect, and that is always a good thing.

Finally, I get lots of questions about rituals for beloved pets, including, can we say Kaddish for our dog? For so many people, myself included, our pets are beloved members of the family. They bring comfort, friendship, and unconditional love. No matter how hard the day, a pet can often mitigate the stresses of the day simply with their joyful presence. Grief and sadness can run extremely deep following the passing of a pet. So what does the tradition say?

Our tradition does not offer an ancient ritual for this because it is only in contemporary times that humans have formed the type of close emotional attachment to our pets that we find natural. Thus, when it comes to the Kaddish, it is reserved solely for humans.

So what can we do to honor the life of our pets? That’s where creativity comes in. There are many beautiful modern prayers and rituals available that can help us navigate this type of a loss. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me, or Cantor Kassel if you find yourself in need.

If you have a question or are curious about Jewish religious practices, send me a note, we will talk and perhaps your question will be in the next edition of Ask the Rabbi!