The Times of Smithtown - August 18, 2022

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August 18, 2022

Remembering O’Dwyer

Former Nissequogue resident Virginia A. O’Dwyer dies at 91

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PAGE A2 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • AUGUST 18, 2022

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AUGUST 18, 2022 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • PAGE A3

CDC relaxes COVID-19 guidelines, doctors discuss other threats

BY DANIEL DUNAIEF DESK@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM Amid

the

typical questions about returning to school, such as finding friends in their classes and navigating to the right room at the right time, students on Long Island and elsewhere are preparing for the third year of the pandemic while other health care concerns loom.

As the summer enters its final weeks, health officials have found mosquitoes that have the West Nile virus, monkeypox has become a national health emergency, and Rockland County and New York City have reported cases of polio.

With all those health concerns, however, medical officials emphasized numerous pieces of good news that they hope will provide less of a disruption to communities, parents, teachers and students.

For starters, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention last week eased some COVID-19 restrictions. In the past two years, some students had switched back and forth from in-person to remote learning after a positive test.

The CDC advises students, staff members and workers who were exposed to a person who tested positive for COVID-19 to wear face coverings for 10 days and to get tested, instead of urging them to quarantine.

At the same time, the CDC is no longer suggesting that unvaccinated students get tested regularly in order to attend school.

“Part of the reason they’re easing the

Health

restrictions is that the current strain that’s circulating is fairly non aggressive, there are not a lot of hospitalizations and there is not a lot of severe illnesses,” said Dr. Philip Nizza, chief of Infectious Disease at Mather Hospital and attending infectious disease physician at St. Charles Hospital.

The cases Nizza has seen in the hospitals are “very mild” and he hasn’t had an intensive care unit patient with a ventilator in well over a month.

Dr. Susan Donelan, medical director of the Healthcare Epidemiology Department at Stony Brook Medicine, suggested that the shift in the CDC guidance likely reflects the reality that non-pharmaceutical mitigation measures are of more limited use in an era when opportunities exist to receive effective vaccines, which are well tolerated, and safe therapeutics have become a tool to manage those people who are acutely affected.

“The shift now appears to be focused on self-assessment of risk [for self, close family members or others who may be adversely impacted if infected] and thus individual risk mitigation,” Donelan explained in an email.

Still, Nizza, among other health care providers in Suffolk County, urged people to continue to receive vaccinations and to stay up to date with their boosters.

Nizza suggested that a new booster, which could provide protection against the infectious Ba.5 omicron strain that has become the dominant variant in the county and in the United States, could be a “game changer.”

Doctors cautioned people in higher

risk groups, such as those who are immunocompromised, have chronic lung disease or are significantly overweight to be vigilant about their exposure to the SARSCoV2 virus, which causes COVID-19.

As of earlier this week, Suffolk County reported a 7.8% positive test rate on a seven-day average using lab-reported PCR tests, which doesn’t include the rapid tests.

At the same time, the number of positive cases on a seven-day average stood at 33.8 per 100,000, according to the New York State Department of Health.

“If you’re not a high-risk patient the danger zone is lower,” said Nizza.

Monkeypox

Meanwhile, monkeypox continues to be a threat to the county, the state and the nation, as the availability of vaccines against the virus lags the need for shots.

New York State continues to have the greatest number of cases of the virus, with close to 2,300 out of about 12,000 cases in the country, according to the CDC. Most of the New York State cases are in the city.

The virus has affected men who have been intimate with other men, although the virus can spread through physical contact.

Nizza described monkeypox as “generally a nonfatal infection with a high presentation rate amongst the undocumented high-risk groups,” he said. “I don’t think the general population needs to rush out and get the monkeypox vaccine, unless [you] are in a high risk group.

Nizza doesn’t anticipate that the virus will spread at anywhere near the rate that COVID did.

“There is a vaccine available, which is much different than COVID, which caught us unaware,” he added.

West Nile virus

As of earlier this month, 38 mosquitoes had tested positive for the West Nile virus, including samples in Setauket and Port Jefferson Station.

The virus was first detected in birds and mosquitoes in Suffolk County in 1999.

People who contract the virus typically experience mild or no symptoms. In a small number of cases, people can have high fever, headaches, stiff necks and may have vision loss, numbness and even paralysis.

Symptoms can last several weeks and the neurological effects can be permanent.

The CDC recommends people use insect repellent to reduce the chance of getting bitten by a mosquito that harbors the virus.

Additionally, reducing any standing water around the outside of the house cuts back on the opportunity for these virus-bearing insects to breed.

Suffolk County Health Commissioner Dr. Gregson Pigott recommended that people minimize outdoor activities between dusk and dawn, make sure windows and doors have screens and, at places where mosquitoes are active, wear shoes and socks and long pants and long sleeved shirts.

As of late last week, Mather and St. Charles didn’t have any reported cases of West Nile virus.

The people who are especially vulnerable include the elderly and anyone on drugs that suppress their immune systems.

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PAGE A4 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • AUGUST 18, 2022

SBU’s School of Journalism joins Solutions Journalism Network

BY DANIEL DUNAIEF DESK@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM Amid the sound and fury signifying nothing, to borrow from William Shakespeare, Stony Brook University’s School of Communication and Journalism has joined a national solutions journalism program.

That means the journalism school will teach its students how to do much more than complain or highlight issues or problems.

Instead, the school will teach developing journalists how to use data, tell compelling stories and search for answers to problems that are as broad and challenging as climate change and institutional racism, among others.

The solutions journalism hub is “going to help attract people to the field [and provide] a sense of learning from each other,” said Laura Lindenfeld, dean of the Journalism School. “I’m really proud that we’re the hub in the northeast.”

The other journalism hubs include the University of Georgia, Northwestern University and Arizona State University.

“These new hub universities are showing a serious commitment to leading this important work in their regions and nationally,” Francine Huff, Solutions Journalism Network’s director

University

of journalism school partnerships, said in a statement. These four journalism schools have an amazing wealth of talent and resources, and the Solutions Journalism Network is excited to partner with them.”

While SJN provides no monetary gain to the schools, Lindenfeld would like to pursue fundraising around this designation.

Being a part of the solutions journalism network “signals to the community of journalism and foundations about what we care about and what we are about,” Lindenfeld said.

“A tighter focus and mission is advantageous and genuine.”

Lindenfeld plans to have ongoing interactions with the other three hubs as a part of a learning community.

To be sure, the concept of using data and sharing compelling stories as a part of a solutions driven journalism effort isn’t new to SBU’s journalism effort.

“We were already doing a chunk of this,” Lindenfeld said. The designation ensures the school is more specifically focused on this, even as Stony Brook will still teach other forms of journalism. “It marks a commitment to making sure we are doing deep, rich storytelling that’s data driven and is looking at a response to problems, rather than just pointing them out.”

Solutions journalism can help drive the

focus of stories in an increasingly complex and contentious world, the SBU dean continued.

SBU doesn’t plan to replace balance and professionalism with solutions.

“We are not talking about advocacy journalism or advocacy communications,” Lindenfeld said. “We are talking about the highest standard of ethical journalism that seeks fair, balanced perspectives.”

Lindenfeld urges students to figure out if the data supports or refutes any hypothesis they have about a story.

“You’ve got to always be open to the idea that you could be wrong,” she said. “Trust but verify.”

Solutions journalism includes an understanding of history and context.

Stony Brook has integrated a data analysis and storytelling class into the undergraduate curriculum, where the school helps students dig deeper into how to analyze and tell stories about data.

Solutions journalism will become a cornerstone of the master’s program, Lindenfeld said.

Lindenfeld believes this approach to journalism and communication, regardless of the eventual field graduates enter, should help alumni secure jobs.

“How can it hurt to have a better understanding of data analysis?” Lindenfeld asked.

Laura Lindenfeld, dean of SBU’s Journalism School discusses the Solutions Journalism Network. Photo from Stony Brook University

Down the road, she would like to have an endowed chair in solutions journalism at Stony Brook.

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AUGUST 18, 2022 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • PAGE A5

Former Nissequogue resident Virginia O’Dwyer dies at 91

BY RITA J. EGAN RITA@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM

‘She always had a love for real estate.

She found her niche.’

Virginia O’Dwyer was the founder of Virginia A. O’Dwyer Real Estate that was located across the street from the Stony Brook train station. Photos from the O’Dwyer family

Hill Cemetery in Stony Brook.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations in Virginia’s memory be made

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Virginia A. O’Dwyer died at the age of 91 on Aug. 13.

She was the founder of Virginia A. O’Dwyer Real Estate, located across the street from the Stony Brook train station.

Many in the Three Village area remember the company’s sign featuring the colonial pineapple logo, a symbol of hospitality and friendship.

The building still stands today, filled with several agents who worked with Virginia years after Daniel Gale Sotheby’s International Realty acquired the business in 2014.

Virginia was married to William O’Dwyer and a mother of five when she returned to work in the 1960s, according to her son Michael O’Dwyer. He said his mother wanted to buy his father a boat, and her first job was with the real estate company L.C. Clarke in Stony Brook.

“She always had a love for real estate,” he said. “She found her niche.”

It was 1970 when she started her own company.

Michael O’Dwyer said when his mother In addition to real estate, he said his applied for a loan, the bank asked where her mother loved antiques and collected religious husband was, and she said, “Excuse me.”

“She was one of the first women to get a art. She left the art collection to Hope House loan solely in her name in Suffolk County,” Ministries in Port Jefferson, which she always felt was a worthwhile cause. Her son he said.

Her son, who is also a real estate agent said in addition to collecting antiques and and was his mother’s business partner, said art, his mother also enjoyed traveling.

“She had a lot of energy,” he learned a lot from her over he said. “She got energy from the years. other people. I think she truly “One thing I learned loved what she did. She loved is that it’s not always the her family, and she loved her highest offer that gets the business.” house,” he said. “It’s the best Virginia and her husband offer. There’s always a lot of were married for 58 years terms and ways you can help before his passing in 2008. your buyer to get their offer She was born in Mineola on presented better.”

Dec. 14, 1930, to Rita “Dorita His mother worked until Daniel Gale Sotheby’s —Michael O’Dwyer Court” Haeger, an opera singer.

“She was quite a character, acquired the company. While so I think my mom got a lot she had received offers of her chutzpah from her,” throughout the years, it wasn’t until Daniel Gale came along that she felt Michael O’Dwyer said, adding his mother was very dedicated to his grandmother. confident selling.

Virginia and her husband first lived in “She waited for the right company to come along,” he said, adding that she felt the Westbury before moving to Nissequogue in company held similar values as her business. 1963. About 15 or 16 years ago, the couple The son said her agents were like family to moved to Stony Brook village and restored her, and in all those years only two agents left a 200-year-old home, according to her son.

Virginia is survived by her children — but returned to work for her. When she sold the company to Daniel Gale, he said she wanted Maureen (James) Riley, William Jr. (Marguerite), Daniel (Bessie) and Michael. to make the right decision for her agents.

The son said his mother always balanced Son John preceded her in death. She also leaves behind 15 grandchildren and 18 greata career with family.

“She in her own way thought that anyone grandchildren.

A funeral Mass was held on Wednesday, could do anything if they put effort into it,” he said. “She was very dedicated, honest and Aug. 17, at Saints Philip and James R.C. fair with anyone she worked with.”

Church in St. James. Interment was at Oak

PAGE A6 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • AUGUST 18, 2022

The following incidents have been reported by Suffolk County Police: Commack St. James ■ A resident on Wheatfield Lane in ■ Bruno’s Garage on Middle Country Road

Commack reported that someone broke the window of his vehicle parked in his driveway and stole a wallet on Aug. 13. On the same day a resident on the same street reported that someone entered his unlocked vehicle and removed items and credit cards.

■ Scam alert! A woman loading groceries in her car in the parking lot of Costco Wholesale on Garet Place in Commack on Aug. 10 reported that she was approached by two men asking for directions and later realized her wallet had been stolen from her pocketbook.

Local businesses and restaurants need your support more than ever. Whether you visit stores, get delivery or shop online, keep your spending local and keep your community healthy.

Commack reported a shoplifter on Aug. 8.

A man allegedly stole three Razor scooters valued at $135 each.

■ Target on Veterans Memorial Highway

When you support your local newspaper, you support your community.

Local businesses and restaurants need your support more than

in Commack reported that a man entered the store on Aug. 11, selected JBL earbuds, Heyday headphones and Tide Pods. He then picked out a backpack to conceal the items and allegedly walked out of the store without paying. The items were valued at approximately $240.

ever. Whether you visit stores, get delivery or shop online, keep your spending local and keep your community healthy.

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■ A resident on Alo Court in St. James reported that someone entered his backyard

robotic pool cleaner. The equipment was valued at $800.

Smithtown ■ A purple 2016 Dodge Charger SRT 392 was

stolen from the driveway of a residence on Nissequogue River Road in Smithtown on Aug. 12. The spare keys had been left inside the vehicle which was valued at $60,000.

■ A muffler was damaged and a catalytic

converter was stolen from a 2008 Honda Element parked in the street in front of a residence on Blydenburg Avenue and a catalytic converter was reported stolen from a 2008 Honda Element parked in the driveway of a residence on Estate Road in Smithtown on Aug. 11.

East Setauket ■ A resident on Brook Court in Smithtown ■ Walmart on Nesconset Highway in East reported that a catalytic converter was

stolen from his 2005 Honda Accord and a catalytic converter was stolen from a 2002 Honda Accord parked on New Mill Road in Smithtown on Aug. 12.

a 2006 Honda Accord parked in the driveway of a residence on Helen Avenue in Hauppauge on Aug. 11. The part was valued at $800.

■ A resident on Sanford Lane in Stony Brook reported that someone entered his unlocked car on Aug. 9 and stole a wallet from the center console.

Lake Grove ■ Macy’s at the Smith Haven Mall in

■ A 2021 Toyota Corolla was reported stolen from the driveway of a residence on Sheppard Lane in Stony Brook on Aug. 8.

The owner was not sure if the car, which was valued at $15,000, had been locked.

Lake Grove reported a petit larceny on Aug. 13. A man and a woman allegedly stole miscellaneous clothing items worth approximately $930.

Address State

James reported that a catalytic converter was stolen from his 2006 Honda Accord on Aug. 10. Three men were seen exiting a silver Mercedes sedan, lifting the vehicle with a car jack and cutting the converter out before fleeing.

Hauppauge ■ A catalytic converter was stolen from Stony Brook

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■ North Shore Paving on Townline Road in Commack reported that an unknown man stole a 2000 Ford F350 from the property on Aug. 12. The vehicle, valued at $12,000, had been left unlocked with the keys inside.

Setauket reported two shoplifters on Aug. 11.

Two women allegedly stole cleaning supplies, jewelry and clothing valued around $300.

00 $ 5900 $99SUPPORT 11900 LOCAL

$

■ A resident on Washington Avenue in St.

■ Target on Veterans Memorial Highway in on Aug. 12 and stole a Dolphin Premier

Newspapers are LOCAL. We are dedicated to keeping you informed, safe and connected and care about the issues that are important to our neighbors, our schools and our businesses.

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in St. James called the police on Aug. 10 to report that someone had stolen catalytic converters from two cars parked in the lot.

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— COMPILED BY HEIDI SUTTON

Suffolk County Crime Stoppers offers a cash reward for information that leads to an arrest. Anyone with information about these incidents can contact Suffolk County Crime Stoppers to submit an anonymous tip by calling 1-800-220-TIPS.

AUGUST 18, 2022 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • PAGE A7

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PAGE A8 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • AUGUST 18, 2022

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Health officials in Rockland County and New York City reported two cases of people with polio.

This disease, which spreads from contact with infected feces, has been largely eradicated after the widespread use of an effective vaccine.

“Most people have their children vaccinated as a part of a routine series,” Nizza said. “It’s a much lower risk.”

The doctor urged people to remain vigilant about other threats that might come this fall, particularly the flu.

With masks and social distancing, the incidence of the flu declined over the last few years. As people return to work and school on a full time basis, the chance for the spread of a problematic strain rises.

“The flu is always bound to rear its head in the fall and winter months,” Nizza said, as he reminded people to get their shots and to continue to wash their hands before eating.

Even if people feel healthy and are in low risk groups, they can and should help others the way they might lend a hand to their neighbors after a storm.

“We have to protect those who have a high risk of mortality,” Nizza said. “We need herd compassion, to protect those who can’t protect themselves.”

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PAGE A10 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • AUGUST 18, 2022

WE ARE:

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The Village TIMES HERALD The Village BEACON RECORD The Port TIMES RECORD The TIMES of Smithtown The TIMES of Middle Country The TIMES of Huntington, Northport & East Northport tbrnewsmedia.com

631–751–7744 Fax 631–751–4165 This Publication is Subject to All Fair Housing Acts OFFICE HOURS Monday–Friday 10:00 am–4:00 pm

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The Classifieds Section is published by TIMES BEACON RECORD NEWS MEDIA every Thursday. Leah S. Dunaief, Publisher, Sheila Murray, Classifieds Director. We welcome your comments and ads.

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PT/FT RETAIL SHOWROOM POSITION Are you an upbeat people person? Do you enjoy a fast paced environment? It so, Old Country Tile would like to talk to you.

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PUBLISHER’S EMPLOYMENT NOTICE: All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to section 296 of the human rights law which makes it illegal to advertise any preference, limitation or discrimination based on race, color, creed, national origin, disability, marital status, sex, age or arrest conviction record or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination. Title 29, U.S. Code Chap 630, excludes the Federal Gov’t. from the age discrimination provisions. This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for employment which is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that employment offerings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal opportunity basis.

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PAGE A12 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • AUGUST 18, 2022

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Landscape Materials LAMPS FIXED, $65.

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Masonry CARL BONGIORNO LANDSCAPE/MASON CONTRACTOR All phases Masonry Work:Stone Walls, Patios, Poolscapes. All phases of Landscaping Design.

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AUGUST 18, 2022 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • PAGE A13

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PAGE A14 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • AUGUST 18, 2022

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PAGE A18 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • AUGUST 18, 2022

Editorial

Let liberty lead

As citizens of a free nation, we have the right to make our voices heard at the ballot box.

This coming Tuesday, Aug. 23, we will cast our votes for congressional and state senatorial primary elections.

But democracy doesn’t end when we leave the polling place. In fact, that is only where it starts.

Recently, TBR News Media has witnessed a flurry of popular energy within our coverage area. Look no further than Port Jefferson Station/Terryville to learn what democracy looks like while in motion.

Since the inception of councilmanic districts in the Town of Brookhaven in 2002, Port Jefferson Station/Terryville has fallen within Council District 1. However, two maps on the Brookhaven Redistricting Committee’s website propose dividing that community across separate council districts.

For three weeks running, the people of the united hamlet of Port Jefferson Station/ Terryville have turned out in numbers, eager to keep their community intact under a single council district. In the face of uncertainty, the Greater Comsewogue community has stood up to power, spoken out and may make a difference.

While the redistricting process remains ongoing, Port Jefferson Station/Terryville has illustrated the power of a united public.

Through their mobilized efforts, the people have demonstrated what democracy can and should be.

Politicians are in office to carry out the will of the people. When they defy the popular will in favor of their own agendas, it is the right and obligation of the people to correct course.

Though democracy may die in darkness, it shines brightest when ordinary citizens light the way. In their moment of history, the people of Port Jefferson Station/Terryville remind us that there is no greater force in nature than a united people.

Communities across Long Island should learn from this example.

Through their actions, we uncover the formula for positive change in our own communities. If we all take a page out of their playbook, then there is no end to what we can achieve together. The redistricting commission and Town Board should take careful note of the wishes of We the People.

WRITE TO US … We

welcome your letters. They should be no longer than 400 words and may be edited for length, libel, style and good taste. We do not publish anonymous letters. Please include a phone number and address for confirmation.

Email letters to: rita@tbrnewsmedia.com or mail them to TBR News Media, P.O. Box 707, Setauket, NY 11733

Cartoon by Kyle Horne: kylehorneart.com @kylehorneart

Letters to the Editor

Trump gave more ‘inflationary giveaways’ than Biden

An Aug. 4 letter written by George Altemose (“Biden administration has encouraged current economy”) contains some serious misstatements of fact.

Mr. Altemose claims inflation has been caused by “profligate giveaways of trillions of dollars” for COVID relief under the Biden administration. This is false.

According to the respected, nonpartisan Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget, this is what the actual figures are. The first round of “giveaways,” the CARES Act, was signed by President Donald Trump [R] in March 2020. Its total cost was $1.9 trillion. Also in March 2020 Trump signed into law the Families First Coronavirus Response Act. It cost $225 billion. The second round of “giveaways,” called the Paycheck Protection and Health Care Enhancement Act, signed by Trump in April 2020, cost $315 billion. Another round of “giveaways,” the Response & Relief Act was again signed

by Trump in December of 2020. The cost of that was $915 billion. So the total cost of all the “giveaways” signed by Trump was about $3.4 trillion.

Which dwarfs the $1.9 trillion cost of the COVID relief bill signed by President Joe Biden [D] in March 2021.

Maybe Mr. Altemose can explain why Biden “giveaways” are inflationary but Trump “giveaways” of almost twice that amount all within the space of a year are not? I doubt it, though, because it’s simply not true.

Another false claim made by Mr. Altemose is Biden and “his people” have intentionally jacked up the price of gas to $5 per gallon to “promote electric vehicles and do away with fossil fuels.” Sounds like the kind of dark conspiratorial claim all too often pitched on the internet or cable news. There’s no evidence for it. Incidentally, I don’t know where he fills up, but last time I filled up gas was $4.09.

Elsewhere in his letter Mr. Altemose invokes the “basic rules of supply and demand.” Maybe he ought to apply these rules to the increasing popularity of electric vehicles, which are far less expensive now than just a few years ago. Could it be because they largely free their owners from the whims of petrostate dictators and the investment decisions of oil and gas companies?

Mr. Altemose continually derides solar power and what he terms “windmills.” I don’t know exactly what’s behind his irrational hatred of renewable, nonpolluting energy.

As far as nuclear power plants, I would agree with him about its potential, except for three big problems he doesn’t mention: • They produce radioactive nuclear waste.

• They can, and have, failed with catastrophic results.

• They can be seized by terrorists or enemies with even more catastrophic results. (The biggest nuclear plant in Europe, located in Ukraine, is currently occupied by Russian artillery units firing at Ukrainian population centers.)

Mr. Altemose jokes that “Manhattan Island is not yet under water and polar bears have not run out of ice.” I guess he’s forgotten about what happened to the Battery Tunnel during Hurricane Sandy. As Al Jolson used to say, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.” It’s actually nothing to joke about.

David Friedman St. James

AUGUST 18, 2022 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • PAGE A19

Opinion

Better is preferable to perfect

H

ave you seen images of the Greek gods on Mt. Olympus?

Sure, some of them looked like they were having fun, like Dionysus, while others were out hunting or frolicking, annoying their spouses and causing all kinds of havoc on the Earth below.

But when they weren’t getting ready for an intractable war with each other or with the Titans, they seemed bored.

Perfection wasn’t D. None all that inspirational, of the above peaceful or enjoyable.

BY DANIEL DUNAIEF Maybe the Greeks knew a thing or two about perfection. Maybe we shouldn’t crave or want perfection from our kids, particularly on the verge of the new academic year.

Mistakes provide an opportunity to learn, while adversity also offers a chance to grow and develop resilience.

Failing, striking out, falling down, biting our lips or tongue, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and getting a question or two wrong on a test provide opportunities to learn.

Your kids and mine are bound to get something wrong. The question doesn’t need to be a reflexive, “why did you get that wrong?” The better question is: “how will you respond to that moment?”

I have been at baseball games where parents are at their worst when their children don’t perform as they (the parents) would like. One parent, who coached with me when his child was around 11 years old, screamed at him for not swinging at a called third strike.

The other kids on the bench looked horrified, while the child sat off by himself at the corner of the bench.

The error didn’t happen between the lines. It happened on the bench when the father made a potential learning experience

uncomfortable.

Change and growth can be painful. Parents, teachers and friends shouldn’t compound the discomfort.

I definitely live in a glass house. When I evaluate my parenting skills, I recognize deficiencies and have tried to improve.

I have told my children that I recognize that I made mistakes when I’ve said the wrong thing to them.

Maybe, before the new academic year begins, it’d help to have a conversation with our kids about the role they would like us to play. This may turn into something of a negotiation, as interactions with children often are, but at least we can have an idea before we repeat patterns that may not work for our children, of what they’d prefer.

It took me a long time to ask my daughter what she’d like me to say in response to moments of adversity.

Letting our children make every decision won’t always lead to the best outcome. They might, for example, prefer to eat cookies for

breakfast and cake for dinner.

Giving them a chance, however, to suggest ways we can do exactly what we’re trying to accomplish, by supporting them, encouraging them, and helping them improve, may create a better and healthier dynamic for them.

The pursuit of perfection is tiring and is bound to lead to disappointment. Chasing ways to be better, however, and seeing growth opportunities can be rewarding.

We as parents made countless mistakes when we were our children’s age. We can’t prevent them from making mistakes. While we might also share stories about the discomfort brought on by our errors, we can’t even prevent them from doing the same stupid, inappropriate, ill-advised and awkward things we did, no matter how much we plead with them to learn from us.

What made those Greek gods so compelling were the stories of their imperfections. I’m not sure they learned from their mistakes, but, as the Greek chorus suggests in tragedies, maybe we can.

The world is a better place for those with Down syndrome. They help make it better.

“

Born to Sparkle” is a book written, to my surprise, by a young woman with Down syndrome. The rest of the book title is “A Story About Achieving Your Dreams.” A review of the book appears in our Arts and Lifestyles section on page B23 in this issue, and it tells a heartwarming story about the author, Megan Bomgaars, who is 29 and lives in Denver. In the words of our reviewer, Melissa Arnold, the book “teaches kids that all of us are unique and have something special to Between share with the world, you and me and if you dream big

BY LEAH S. DUNAIEF and work hard, you can achieve anything.”

Why am I surprised? Because my sister, who was two years younger than I, also was

born with Down syndrome, and like Megan, on Thanksgiving Day but 50 years earlier in 1942. While she was clever and wonderful in many ways, Maxine could never have written a book, in part because she would never have been imagined to do so. What a difference that half-century makes.

There is a broad spectrum of Down diagnoses, and Maxine was pronounced “profoundly retarded,” which surely limited expectations for her life. While Megan’s motto is, “Don’t Limit Me!”, and she has become a motivational speaker and the owner of a business, the professionals who examined my sister Maxine told my parents to institutionalize her “because she won’t live very long anyway with that condition.” She lived to be 65.

It was my sister’s bad luck to be born five decades earlier, when mental retardation was considered a stigma for a family, and the response to such a birth was to hide the innocent person. Megan Bomgaars, by comparison, shared her life’s story on television with six others in the A&E docuseries “Born This Way.”

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The show went on to win an Emmy in 2016.

It was my sister’s good luck to have two parents who recognized her as a fully entitled member of our family and tried to give her every advantage that existed then, which were very few. When the principal of the elementary school that I attended refused to accept her into first grade, my mother asked for the “Dick & Jane” series with which first graders were taught to read and patiently worked with my sister at home for many hours a day. Eventually, Maxine could proudly read that primer. She could also do simple arithmetic, adding and subtracting, and she was very verbal.

In fact, that was the only difficult part of life with Maxine. She talked constantly and in a loud voice, as if she were on one side of a telephone conversation. Only two things could make her quiet down: music and baseball.

Maxine would sit quietly in the back of the room while I took piano lessons from a teacher who came to the apartment. After he left and I got up, she would slide onto the piano stool and play the melodies of the different pieces I

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had gone over with the teacher. We’re talking here Bach, Czerny and Mendelsohn. She also adored music that she would hear on the radio, especially show tunes that she could sing. And sing she did, in a Jimmy Durante voice. One of her favorites was “Oklahoma!”

Also, she loved to listen to baseball games on the radio and watch them played on our Sunday outings with our dad to Central Park. I don’t know if she followed the intricacies of the game, but she knew when to cheer and probably loved being part of the crowd.

Megan Bomgaars loved going to school and was a cheerleader in high school. My sister also attended a school in Brooklyn that was operated

by Catholic Services. A bus would pick her up, along with my mother, each day and drive them to Brooklyn. Incidentally, my mother never let her out of her sight. My parents protected Maxine from a world that could not always be kind and safe. But for Megan, a person who incidentally has Down syndrome, today society learns from her.

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AwardWinning Newspapers 1978 1979 1980 1981 1982 1983 1984 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989 1990 1991 1992 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021

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PAGE A20 • TIMES OF SMITHTOWN • AUGUST 18, 2022

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