Awedio Codex

AWEDIO CODEX

BY TAVARUS BLACKMONSTER

©2021

Beats and Feels Beats and Feels, A Four-Part Suite for Voice and Percussion ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019 Voice, Lyrics, Improvisation, Arrangement and, Music for The Thing is Me, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019 Accompaniment, Improvisation and Music for Capitalist Americans, Pop’s Curse and Mr. Simmons, Derek Kwan, 2019 Beats and Feels, Sound Art for Voice and Percussion, 11:10 minutes, 2019 ——————————————————————————————————————— Beats and Feels, Full High Definition Video, 12:01 minutes, 2019 ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019 The Blue Room, Site Specific Installation/Performance (Headlands Center for the Arts, Building 961, Sausalito, CA), Dimensions Variable, June 2, 2019, ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019 Live Audio and Recording, Capitalist Americans, The Thing is Me, Pop’s Curse, Mr. Simmons ©Tavarus Blackmon, Derek Kwan, 2019 Camera, Tomas Yin Ernesto Montoya, Sac Centric Productions, 2019 ——————————————————————————————————————— Bedtime, Pop’s Curse (Variation), Sound Art for Hip-Hop and Nocturne, 3:35 minutes, 2019 ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019 Bedtime, Pop’s Curse, Full High Definition Video, 3: 41 minutes, 2019 ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019 ——————————————————————————————————————— Blue Room, Full High Definition Video, 1:01 minutes, 2019 ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019 ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Beats and Feels This Four-Part Suite explores themes and mood connected to the Black Experience, abandonment, critiques of celebrity Blackness, existential catharsis and empathy. Created over several years, the lyrics for voice were written between 1998 and 2019. Variations on theme have been recorded for acousmatic audio projection for Pop’s Curse; with music for The Thing is Me, written by Tavarus Blackmon and performed by Derek Kwan and, improvisation, music and accompaniment by Derek Kwan for Capitalist Americans, Pop’s Curse and Mr. Simmons, 2019.

Capitalist Americans, written in 2012, is music created just before entering the CSUS Master’s Program in Studio Art. As a direct critique of the musician and Hip-Hop Artist, Kanye West, the work projects ideas about celebrity Blackness, urban culture and themes related to misogyny within the African-American culture, the Black Family and struggles of working class and upwardly mobile society. The vocal style, contemporary Hip-Hop, uses rhyme, slant rhyme and an extended metaphor of satiation. Verbal pictures, descriptive language, references to popular music and intentionally omitted simile are formal techniques.

References to Picture Me Rolling, All Eyez on Me, 2Pac, The Fibonacci Sequence, consumer culture, classic video games and The Occupy Movement and the idiom “Eyes on the Prize,”develop the work into an alternative position or, experience, placing a listening or reading audience into a unique position of being critical of popular narratives.

The Thing is Me presents an existential catharsis. Written and composed by Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019, the work uses an introspective vocal to discuss the prevailing issue of The Other. By the rhetorical statement, “I don’t know what the Thing is supposed to be,” the listener relates to the opposite of the other, in general terms, a Master Perspective. The personae are put through paces of projected senarios: questioning, homelessness, intimacy, the interpersonal, reproduction, spectatorship and ultimately, police brutality.

Transformation occurs through the African Storytelling tradition of Call-and-Response. As the personae confide in the Maternal each verse they subsequently, arrive at the realization that the actual Thing in question is the Self.

Pop’s Curse, written in 1998, explores themes of abandonment, urban culture and loss. Improvisational accompaniment performed and written by Derek Kwan, 2019.

Variations on this theme include improvisations on Parenthood and the routine of StoryTime and have been recorded for acousmatic projection (Bedtime, Pop’s Curse) and video projection here: https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster/bedtime-popscurse; https://vimeo.com/325470668, respectively.

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Mr. Simmons, imparts the vulnerability of empathy, specifically the interpersonal codependence related to addiction. Written for voice in 2006, the work explores the relationship between the author and his friend. It is a call to action from one-to-another. The addiction to Heroine described in the music has become more poignant, as Tavarus Blackmon lost his nephew Alyis Smith, to a drug overdose shortly after Beats and Feels was filmed.

Vocal projection is achieved in the performance through the use of a circuit-bend, vintage CB radio. The clips and zaps of the DIY device introduce notions of authority and Police which, further highlights the role of authorship, power and privilege in current times.

The personae of Beats and Feels delineate critique through humor and admonishment, describe contemporary fear and acceptance through psychological investigation, discover vulnerability in part through the loss of the Black Father and, dictate empty pleas of empathetic compassion. The Radio (mic) as a device to deliver these sentiments outlines a stream of ‘flows,’ connected to the Space of Punk and Jazz and the Place of Childhood, Maturation, Discovery and finally, Death.

Live audio for Beats and Feels, was recorded in the 961 warehouse at the Headlands Center for the Arts, Sausalito, CA; camera by Tomas Yin Ernesto Montoya; video by Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019. The 961 warehouse was transformed over the course of thirty days before production. The site specific installation, The Blue Room, 2019, Tavarus Blackmonster, after The Blue Room, 1901, Pablo Picasso, is the idea and creation of the artist. Through the process of developing images, objects, time-based media, lighting, writing and sound, the work Beats and Feels is a conceptual, immersive, sound experience.

Happening on June 2, 2019, the audio recording and video serve as documentation of the actual Sound Art Performance.

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Capitalist Americans, Lyrics/Arrangement for Voice, Tavarus Blackmon, 2012-2019 Percussion and Improvisation, Derek Kwan, 2019

So what’s up with these Capitalist Americans buying up everything; all the four bedroom modular homes, all the Ferrari’s, but especially, the white bread?

You’re a self-made-man, a plastic American Put it in a package, burn it, eat out a frying pan, Never know which way to go, never know which way you can Reach upper enlightenment, your life is suburban, You drive a Suburban, your wife is a hurricane Eating through the savings cause she’s Mrs. PacMan, You eat biscuits and gravy, beef and a burger If she looks at you wrong, you know how you can hurt her, Cause you didn’t go to college and you can’t spell misogyny Can’t stand your Mom, Pop’s is gone, resent your progeny, You put some rims on it, and ride it through the culture You’re a money making darling but your lifestyle is a vulture, Yeah I’m picturing you rolling, but I’m blinded by your ego You’re a selfish little child now you’re whining about your freedom, But you step on the poor man, body-check a baby Put a message in a bottle, hoping, wishing for a maybe, But the Nike’s is clean, that’s all that seems important Get a gold chain, bling, ring, now you think you’re golden, But you got someone to blame, got a finger to point But you can’t see the mirror cause you’re choking on a joint, Boom boom boom lies, I see it in your eyes You can never know love, you’re copulating on the prize; I said bass, bass, now it’s time for bass I said bass, bass, now it’s time for bass I said bass, bass, now it’s time for bass I said cook it up, fry it up, put it in your face

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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You’re corrupt and a baby, a selfish little child Buck-wild, no smile, but your emphasis is style, Lipstick and make-up, leather and a limp You don’t respect your elders cause you just can’t learn it, Yeah the schoolin’ it was tough, so all you say is “like,” You’re a Cali’ born girl with some heels and a perm, Predicate and verb, letters and a word Never understood Lit’ cause intelligence absurd, Can’t spell, can’t write, you’re appealing to the masses You’re an opiate I guess, it’s the battle of the classes, Shoes, belt, fits, and one thousand dollar glasses Your ego is important but the purpose been subtracted, Add it, minus, a Fibonacci braid Everyone is struggling but hey, you got it made, So Occupy and lie, then omit and deny it The truth is important, so I cook it up and fry it, Buy it, sell it, commission for the cover Send a stack to the Big Box, now that’s going under I said bass, bass, now it’s time for bass I said bass, bass, now it’s time for bass I said bass, bass, now it’s time for bass I said cook it up, fry it up, put it in your face

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Thing is Me, Lyrics, Music, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019 Improvisation and Accompaniment, Derek Kwan, 2019

I don’t know what the thing’s supposed to be, I don’t know what the thing’s supposed to be now, Mama, I don’t know what the thing’s supposed to be, But I see, that the thing, the thing is me; I’ve been walking on these dirty streets, I’ve been stepping over dirty feet now, Mama, I’ve been stepping over dirty feet, But I see, that the feet, the feet belong to me; I’ve been making love to something sweet, I’ve been making love to something sweet now, Mama, I’ve been making love to something sweet, But I see, that the thing, the thing is me; I’ve been talking shit and acting mean, I’ve been talking shit and acting mean now, Mama, I’ve been talking shit and acting mean, But I see, I’ve been mean, yeah I’ve been mean to me; And I don’t know that the world’s gone crazy, But you know that I’ve been making babies, And I can’t change the world gone crazy, But I made something for the world to love…

People getting killed up on TV People getting killed up on TV now Mama, I’ve been turning off my damn TV, Cause I see, they’ve been trying, they been trying to kill me; I don’t know what the thing’s supposed to be, I don’t know what the thing’s supposed to be now, Mama, I don’t know what the thing’s supposed to be, But I see, that the thing, the thing is me ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Pop’s Curse, Lyrics, Arrangement, Variations, Tavarus Blackmonster, 1998-2019 Percussion and Improvisation, Derek Kwan, 2019

OK class, let me tell you a story about a boy who, when he was young, learned so much from his Mama that when he grew up he thought he had a phallic vagina.

Let me bust the first verse, delineating Pop’s Curse, Explaining the game and why that it hurts, God’s gift to this earth and for all that it’s worth, I was cursed, born in pants in a land full of short skirts, Felt ashamed of my claim to fame, hittin’ whores in lace drawers, Trapped in concrete, fiending sea shores, They planted me, picked a bud up off the family tree, Trapped at three, why did Pop’s abandon me, What’s next, Rolodex for sex at six, Kickin’ it with chicks who suck dick’s for kicks, And it get’s worse, let me explain Pop’s Curse, It’s like having a dry mouth and not a quenched thirst, Ask my school nurse to describe Pop’s Curse, She let me grind from behind at nine cause I was fine, My adolescence was very depressing, I was stressing, Suicidal thoughts were compressed in, My soul; control was something that I couldn’t hold, It might have been written but the story it was never told, Without a plan, he made me the man that I am, Don’t understand, never knowing if he gave a damn, Now here I am in this land full of bastards, I have’ta, Hide my tears and fears with laughter, But after disaster, read my tombstone, He lived with Pop’s Curse, But he died without a happy home; Pop’s Curse consists of, no love, We only got hugged when our Daddies were drugged, So we became thugs; standing on the corner, talking shit, Grabbing our dick’s, became addicts, now we long to live legit…

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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I just want to fly away, spread my wings and sing, Erase the existence of a young “G,” is what I mean, It seems the game is clean, but I was born living dirty, Trapped with Niggas and Bitches who never could be worthy, Yes, of the knowledge I posses, so invest, In a Brotha’ conceived from the worst, but born the best, I cried at night, I wasn’t happy without Pappy, He left us, you’d think he’d act gladly because he had me, Indeed, Pop’s seed was left in a world of greed, His absence explains the reason that I perceive, My life, in a half-glass, so I act crass, Pissed ‘bout my past, because my Pop’s didn’t last, He smashed my wishes, now I’m swimming like fishes, In a sea full of nothing but sharks, and Player Hating Bitches, I hit no switches, you never see me rolling “D’s,” Can’t you see, living happily was not my destiny, Tank on “E,” cause I’m broke, every-time I smoke I choke, When I think about it, me and my Pop’s haven’t ever spoke, But my folks hold it down in the town, Cause his biological trace just can’t be found, Sad frown on my face, with a smile displaced, Always blink when I think, was my life a waste, It’s Pop’s Curse, I came clean up on the second verse, I live on earth but I fiend for a fucking Hearse…

Pop’s Curse consists of, no love, We only got hugged when our Daddies were drugged, So we became thugs; standing on the corner, talking shit, Grabbing our dick’s, became addicts, now we long to live legit…

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Mr. Simmons, Lyrics/Arrangement for Voice, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2006-2019 Percussion and Improvisation, Derek Kwan, 2019 Now let me tell you about a guy named Mr. Simmons. He was a real nice guy and, he liked to get high…

I said he’s falling like a rock from the sky, There aint no reason, don’t you even ask why, He does what he does, he don’t care no more, He says the normal life is just a Motherfucking bore, With a needle in hand he’ll become a man, How long ago did he realize that no one would understand, He does what he want, he does what he know, He does a little bump, he does a little blow, Oh, come on man, let me know, Come on man let me know, Come on man let me know, Are you ever gonna glow?

He’s on his hands and knees like a snake in the grass, He’s never happy cause the high won’t last, If he could only stay up for one night, And make it through then things would be all right, He grabs the spoon and now he’s gonna dance, He knows if he looses, it might be his only chance, His visions narrow, I think he’s lost his sight, The battle’s over, but he’s still willing to fight…

Oh, come on man, let me know, Come on man let me know, Come on man let me know, Are you ever gonna glow?

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Didn’t listen to his Mama, didn’t listen to his Dad, He just want to get high, it’s the only fun he ever had, Yeah he does what he wanna, Yeah he does what he choose, He don’t care if he win, he don’t care if he lose…

Oh, come on man, let me know, Come on man let me know, Come on man let me know, Are you ever gonna glow?

All Music recorded in Building 961, Headlands Center for the Arts, Sausalito, CA by Tavarus Blackmonster and Derek Kwan, June 2, 2019 ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Blue Room, Site Specific Installation (Building 961, Headlands Center for the Arts, Sausalito, CA), dimensions variable, 2019

The Blue Room, Site Specific Installation (Building 961, Headlands Center for the Arts, Sausalito, CA), dimensions variable, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Blue Room, Site Specific Installation (Building 961, Headlands Center for the Arts, Sausalito, CA), dimensions variable, 2019

Beats and Feels/The Blue Room, Live Performance/Site Specific Installation (Building 961, Headlands Center for the Arts, Sausalito, CA), dimensions variable, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Beats and Feels/The Blue Room, Live Performance/Site Specific Installation (Building 961, Headlands Center for the Arts, Sausalito, CA), dimensions variable, 2019

Beats and Feels/The Blue Room, Live Performance/Site Specific Installation (Building 961, Headlands Center for the Arts, Sausalito, CA), dimensions variable, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Bedtime, Pop’s Curse (Variation), Full High Definition Video, 3: 41 minutes, 2019

Blue Room (Promotion), Full High Definition Video, 1:01 minutes, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Beats and Feels, Vimeo, https://vimeo.com/343877507

Beats and Feels, Soundcloud, https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster/beats-and-feels

Bedtime Pop’s Curse, Vimeo, https://vimeo.com/325470668

Blue Room, Vimeo, https://vimeo.com/321657703

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Crush Them Crush Them, A Computer Music for Text, Breath, Blues, Voice and Processed Jewel Crush ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019 Composition/Arrangement, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019 Text, The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Prisoner’s Dilemma, https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/prisoner-dilemma/, Published September 4, 1997, Revised April 2, 2019 Text, Jewel Crush™ - Jewels & Gems Match 3 Legend, https://play.google.com/store/apps/details? id=com.lyoomatch.jewelscrush.princessadventure&hl=en_US, ©2019 Google Breath, Girl Breathing Sound Effects All Sounds, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOUp2ODyfns, Published February 15, 2018, Blues, Homer Harris - Atomic Bomb Blues 1947 Muddy Waters on Guitar, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeHTeMfCYWw, Published February 19, 2011, Voice, Zoyaura “The Alcea Samurai,” 2019 Processed Jewel Crush, Jewel Crush 2019. NEW. Levels 1-12.Android Gameplay, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk00Wb-XHIQ, Published October 29, 2018 Crush Them, Sound Art for Text, Breath, Blues, Voice and Processed Jewel Crush, 20:53 minutes, 2019 ———————————————————————————————————————

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Crush Them As a conceptual Sound Art Work, Crush Them is a composition made of computer music. With techniques of Music Concrete, each discrete collection of sounds has been previously recorded, uploaded, then download, processed, effected then arranged and composed using the computer. With sounds or, “Instruments,” coming from Academic Institutions, Mobile Retailers, Social Media and a paid assistant, each piece of audio is slowed-down, sped-up, stretched, back-masked, edited, abridged, altered from its original context, e.t.c., and converted into a simple, high-quality, Waveform Audio File for webbased uploading, platforming and audibly, as an acousmatic projection through loud speakers.

Working with an assistant has given the artist distance, similar to the distance in working with Found Sounds, to deconstruct and re-configure the voice into an otherworldly, sensuous instrument with vocal subtleties such as processed, attenuation that make Game Theory feel both sexy and ominous. With text combined from The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy and Google, the concepts of reciprocation, self-preservation and play come together with underlying precepts of Nuclear Strategy and Blues songs critical of the Atomic Bomb. The moan and whimper of feminine breath underscores the fact that the examples of prisoners, Tanya and Cinque in Prisoner Dilemma are female and Jewel Crush has been, “…designed for the beautiful girls.” Which, creates a question about the games we play versus the play of games and how the plight, strategy and negotiation of the American or International Prisoner is merely a sport of theory?

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Crush Them (Image), Vector Art, dimensions variable, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Prisoner’s Dilemma, Jewel Crush™ - Jewels & Gems Match 3 Legend (Abridged, Altered, Combined), https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/prisoner-dilemma/ ; https://play.google.com/store/apps/details id=com.lyoomatch.jewelscrush.princessadventure&hl=en_US, Published September 4, 1997, Revised April 2, 2019 ; ©2019 Google, Respectively * Document created by Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019 Voice Recording by Zoyaura “The Alcea Samurai,” 2019 *Jewel Crush has been italicized

Puzzles with the structure of the prisoner's dilemma were discussed by Merrill Flood and Melvin Dresher in 1950, as part of the Rand Corporation's investigations into game theory (which Rand pursued because of possible applications to global nuclear strategy) First published Thursday Sep 4, 1997; substantive revision Tuesday Apr 2, 2019 Tanya and Cinque have been arrested for robbing the Hibernia Savings Bank and placed in separate isolation cells. Both care much more about their personal freedom than about the welfare of their accomplice. A clever prosecutor makes the following offer to each: “You may choose to confess or remain silent. If you confess and your accomplice remains silent I will drop all charges against you and use your testimony to ensure that your accomplice does serious time. Likewise, if your accomplice confesses while you remain silent, they will go free while you do the time. If you both confess I get two convictions, but I'll see to it that you both get early parole. If you both remain silent, I'll have to settle for token sentences on firearms possession charges. If you wish to confess, you must leave a note with the jailer before my return tomorrow morning.” complete the mission goals It has a beautiful and cute gamestyle, ideal for girls to play anytime and anywhere! unlock the castles in this legend game.

Designed for the beautiful girls.

Easy to control, fun to play, beautiful!

Just swap & match with your finger

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Puzzles with the structure of the prisoner's dilemma were discussed by Merrill Flood and Melvin Dresher in 1950, as part of the Rand Corporation's investigations into game theory (which Rand pursued because of possible applications to global nuclear strategy) Designed for the beautiful girls The “dilemma” faced by the prisoners here is that, whatever the other does, each is better off confessing than remaining silent. But the outcome obtained when both confess is worse for each than the outcome they would have obtained had both remained silent. A common view is that the puzzle illustrates a conflict between individual and group rationality. A group whose members pursue rational self-interest may all end up worse off than a group whose members act contrary to rational self-interest. More generally, if the payoffs are not assumed to represent self-interest, a group whose members rationally pursue any goals may all meet less success than if they had not rationally pursued their goals individually. A closely related view is that the prisoner's dilemma game and its multi-player generalizations model familiar situations in which it is difficult to get rational, selfish agents to cooperate for their common good. Much of the contemporary literature has focused on identifying conditions under which players would or should make the “cooperative” move corresponding to remaining silent. A slightly different interpretation takes the game to represent a choice between selfish behavior and socially desirable altruism. The move corresponding to confession benefits the actor, no matter what the other does, while the move corresponding to silence benefits the other player no matter what that other player does. Benefiting oneself is not always wrong, of course, and benefiting others at the expense of oneself is not always morally required, but in the prisoner's dilemma game both players prefer the outcome with the altruistic moves to that with the selfish moves. This observation has led David Gauthier and others to take the prisoner's dilemma to say something important about the nature of morality.

Puzzles with the structure of the prisoner's dilemma were discussed by Merrill Flood and Melvin Dresher in 1950, as part of the Rand Corporation's investigations into game theory (which Rand pursued because of possible applications to global nuclear strategy) Designed for the beautiful girls How to play: You have a specific list of goals in each level.

Match 3 or more in a line to crush them.

Match 4 in a row or column to create a special direction.

Match 5 in T create a special bomb.

Match 5 in a line to create special color. ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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You must have the sharpest mind. Learn to use.

If you have any difficulties passing a level you can use helpful props.

Combine to make huge chain reaction to help you pass the level.

Here is another story. Bill has a blue cap and would prefer a red one, while Rose has a red cap and would prefer a blue one. Both prefer two caps to any one and either of the caps to no cap at all. They are each given a choice between keeping the cap they have or giving it to the other. This “exchange game” has the same structure as the story about the prisoners.

Whether Rose keeps her cap or gives to Bill, Bill is better off keeping his and she is better off if he gives it to her. Whether Bill keeps his cap or gives it to Rose, Rose is better off keeping hers and he is better off if she gives it to him. But both are better off if they exchange caps than if they both keep what they have. The new story suggests that the prisoner's dilemma also occupies a place at the heart of our economic system. It would seem that any market designed to facilitate mutually beneficial exchanges will need to overcome the dilemma or avoid it.

Puzzles with the structure of the prisoner's dilemma were discussed by Merrill Flood and Melvin Dresher in 1950, as part of the Rand Corporation's investigations into game theory (which Rand pursued because of possible applications to global nuclear strategy) Special highlights it can destroy all in a line.

Bomb: it will can destroy all around it.

Color: it can destroy all with the same color.

Super value gift: Diamond and props power-ups help you pass level Less moves, More Stars, Higher scores! Crush all!

Pass the levels and try to get all stars in each level.

Try your best to make super combinations with super match!

Colorful crushing effects and well designed puzzles for you to play in anytime and anywhere!

The title “prisoner's dilemma” and the version with prison sentences as payoffs are due to Albert Tucker, who wanted to make Flood and Dresher's ideas more accessible to an audience of Stanford psychologists. More recently, it has been suggested (Peterson, p1) that Tucker may have been discussing the work of his famous graduate student John Nash, and Nash 1950 (p. 291) does indeed contain a game with the structure of the prisoner's dilemma as the second in a series of six examples illustrating his technical ideas. Although Flood and Dresher (and Nash) didn't themselves rush to publicize their ideas in external journal articles, the puzzle has since attracted widespread and increasing attention in a ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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variety of disciplines. Donninger reports that “more than a thousand articles” about it were published in the sixties and seventies. A Google Scholar search for “prisoner's dilemma” in 2018 returns 49,600 results.Match and quest jewels in fun gameplay to Puzzles with the structure of the prisoner's dilemma were discussed by Merrill Flood and Melvin Dresher in 1950, as part of the Rand Corporation's investigations into game theory (which Rand pursued because of possible applications to global nuclear strategy) Features: Designed for the beautiful girls Easy and free fun to play, challenging to master.

1500+ well-designed puzzle levels.

Daily free bonus in the games.

Helpful magical bossters to win.

Games you can play offline.

No WIFI? No Problem!

Classic match 3 game.

Let's go Matching and crushing never stop Designed for the beautiful girls Designed for the beautiful girls Designed for the beautiful girls Designed for the beautiful girls Designed for the beautiful girls Designed for the beautiful girls Puzzles with the structure of the prisoner's dilemma were discussed by Merrill Flood and Melvin Dresher in 1950, as part of the Rand Corporation's investigations into game theory (which Rand pursued because of possible applications to global nuclear strategy) Designed for the beautiful girls

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Crush Them, Soundcloud, https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster/crush-them

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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My Love is Cutting My Love is Cutting, A Rondo for Voice, Processed Piano, Text and Virtual Synthesizer ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2017-2019 Composition/Arrangement, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019 Virtual Synthesizer, Helm (Freeware), Improvisation, Arrangement; Live Mixing, Virtual DJ 8, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019 Voice, Lyrics and Improvisation, Raynie Izzy Cord-Blackmon, 2017 Processed Piano, The Turkish March Mozart - Rondo Alla Turca, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMjQygwPI1c, Published October 27, 2008 Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019 Text, The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Love, https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/love/, Published April 8, 2005, Revised August 11, 2017 My Love is Cutting, Sound Art for Voice, Processed Piano, Text and Virtual Synthesizer, 29:21 minutes, 2017-2019 ———————————————————————————————————————

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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My Love is Cutting This Rondo is heavily influenced by another piece of music, The Turkish March, Mozart. It is a Baroque affirmation of glory transformed through computer processing, into a brooding, complex and experimental wave of Contemporary Sound and emotion. In conceptual terms, the title is a double-entendre, both a direct statement of self-harm and a metaphor for impassioned intimacy.

Unfolding layers of depth in three parts, the Rondo begins with a combination of Processed Piano, with effects and back-masking applied to The Turkish March. Applause, the Definition of Love via text using the text-to-speech application, Natural Reader and the actual uterine heartbeats of the artist’s daughters are included. This movement is a conceptual metaphor presenting coupling, parenting and intimacy in the awkward position of being both vulnerable and explicit through public exposure.

The second movement tantalizes audibly through the back-masking and stretching of, TheTurkish March, becoming less triumphant and more lullaby in mood. Klaxons blare as the artist’s daughter, Raynie Izzy Cord-Blackmon’s improvised voice and lyrics bellow and wail in emphatic tones of childhood devotion. Recorded by Raynie in 2017 on a field device, her vocals have been processed and arranged into the composition by the artist, 2019. The movement is highlighted by repetition, the combination of lullaby and child in relation to Love of the Sibling and emotional valleys and plateaus.

Within the third movement the artist has improvised, processed and composed music for computer using a keyboard and the Helm, Freeware, Virtual Synthesizer. The denouement is a slow fade of phased-out, heavily echoed, processed computer music. The work is composed as an acousmatic recording for loud speakers. Additionally, elements of the Rondo have been made available as a live DJ mix and has been performed at the Brickhouse Gallery and Art Complex, Sacramento, CA as part of a Sound Art exhibition on July 5, 2019.

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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My Love is Cutting (Image), Vector Art, dimensions variable, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Love (Abridged), https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/love/, Published April 8, 2005, Revised August 11, 2017 *Natural Reader, text-to-speech application, “Karen,” Speed:-4, exported as AIFF, Processed as WAV

A person in a we might find himself coming across something interesting to read yet leaving it for the other person, not because he himself would not be interested in it but because the other would be more interested, and one of them reading it is sufficient for it to be registered by the wider identity now shared, the we. …our tendencies toward emotional self-protection from another person, tendencies to draw ourselves in and close ourselves off from being affected by him. Love disarms our emotional defenses; it makes us vulnerable to the other. …while you seem to want it to be true that, were you to become a schmuck, your lover would continue to love you,…you also want it to be the case that your lover would never love a schmuck.

Love is not just an emotion people feel toward other people, but also a complex tying together of the emotions that two or a few more people have; it is a special form of emotional interdependence.

Ultimately, there is only one reason for love. That one grand reason…is “because we bring out the best in each other.” What counts as “the best,” of course, is subject to much individual variation. …reason is not some external power which dictates how we should behave, but an internal power, integral to who we are.… Reason does not command that we love anyone. Nonetheless, reason is vital in determining whom we love and why we love them.

The intention in love is to form a we and to identify with it as an extended self, to identify one’s fortunes in large part with its fortunes. A willingness to trade up, to destroy the very we you largely identify with, would then be a willingness to destroy your self in the form of your own extended self.

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

4

My Love is Cutting, Soundcloud, https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster/my-love-is-cutting

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

5

No Pass/No Fail No Pass/No Fail, A Computer Music for Improvised Voice and Hand-Drum ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2018 Composition, Improvisation, Arrangement, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2018 No Pass/No Fail, Sound Art for Improvised Voice and Hand-Drum, 05:09 minutes, 2018 ———————————————————————————————————————

No Pass/No Fail Improvised and recorded in 2018, this Sound Art Work conceptualizes the role of the Student from the perspective of the Instructor. The idea of the non-grade is explored as if education was neither based on merit but discovery and introduction nor elite but accessible and entitled. By presenting two disparate voices as counterparts constituent to similar ends, the persona begins emoting with club-like ambiance, with hand-drums orhand-laptop, producing improvised rhythms as palms tap on the surface on the computer while being recorded simultaneously. Conceptually “finding,” lyrics through improvisation, the persona recalls projected ideas about being late, absent and the imaginary fail for general principle. With humor and satire, the voice of the Instructor proposes unreasonable expectations for pre-conceived outcomes, becoming both an authoritarian and irreverent voice.

The voice of the Student discloses intimate knowledge of the experience of a sometimes mischievous and underachieving child yet other-times vulnerable and insecure person. The honest expression of the Student dictates the awkwardness of public education from the perspective of adolescence. To, “…watch Gummy Bears all day,” as is stated, is the goal of the student with none but burgeoning knowledge, potential awakening and public enlightenment before them.

Further themes developed through the composition are critiques of popular culture and Hip-Hop Music, the authenticity of authorship in popular music and the voice as form for abstract sound. The body as an instrument of immediacy and improvisation and technology as an instrument of the body’s expression, specifically DIY Instrumentation, are also explored. It is composed as a Sound Artwork of Computer Music for acousmatic projection through loud speakers.

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

1

No Pass/No Fail (Image), Vector Art, dimensions variable, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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No Pass/No Fail, Soundcloud, https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster/no-passno-fail

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Pash Aeon The Pash Aeon, Overture to Binding Love (Installation) ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2016 Composition, Arrangement, Voice, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2016 Tiny Furniture, Lena Dunham, Tiny Ponies Production Company, 2010 Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, I Put A Spell on You, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwXai-sgM-s, Published October 15, 2008 The Knack - My Sharona (1979), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR2JtsVumFA, Published July 7, 2011 Del Shannon - Runaway (HQ STUDIO/1961), https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=wSWMJxbxj7c, Published September 8, 2015 Jackson Browne- Somebody’s Baby, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6pT_BDpnog, Published April 21, 2012 The Pash Aeon, Sound Art for the Site Specific Installation, Binding Love (Studio 1, Temporary Buiding 9, UC Davis, Davis, CA), First-Year MFA Review, December 2016 ———————————————————————————————————————

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

1

The Pash Aeon Working in the Visual and Audio Space, The Pash Aeon is the Overture to the Installation, Binding Love. The Spatial Sound Installation creates an awe and spell-binding experience as moans, wails, echoes and eery sounds blare and reverberate in the Space. The colors red and blue, plastered on every surface of the room, speak to the experience of the Virgin in Art Historical terms. However the writing on the wall, instruments bound down with embroidery thread and yarn and spider-like “webs,” of thread dangled overhead, create what is more anguished than absolute, more hindered than absolved.

Art Historical references to French Painting; inside jokes; Musical references to children’s songs and the theme from Seseme Street; Literary references to Dr. Suess and children’s books; color; paint and sound making devices adhered to the ediface, all establish the work as an Interdisciplinary, Immersive, Spatial Sound Installation with formal connections to not only differing mediums but varying Schools within the Humanities. The exquisite nature of detail, touch and materiality of the Installation are prefaced by the Overture, The Pash Aeon, as the Sound Art Work plays in looping manner, guiding viewers and listeners through what could only aptly be described as a presentation in Sight and Sound of the artist’s mind.

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Pash Aeon (Image), Vector Art, dimensions variable, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

3

The Pash Aeon/Binding Love, Acousmatic Computer Music/ Site Specific Installation, Studio 1, Temporary Building 9, UC Davis, Davis, CA, December 2016

The Pash Aeon/Binding Love, Acousmatic Computer Music/ Site Specific Installation, Studio 1, Temporary Building 9, UC Davis, Davis, CA, December 2016

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Pash Aeon/Binding Love, Acousmatic Computer Music/ Site Specific Installation, Studio 1, Temporary Building 9, UC Davis, Davis, CA, December 2016

The Pash Aeon/Binding Love, Acousmatic Computer Music/ Site Specific Installation, Studio 1, Temporary Building 9, UC Davis, Davis, CA, December 2016

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Pash Aeon/Binding Love, Acousmatic Computer Music/ Site Specific Installation, Studio 1, Temporary Building 9, UC Davis, Davis, CA, December 2016

The Pash Aeon/Binding Love, Acousmatic Computer Music/ Site Specific Installation, Studio 1, Temporary Building 9, UC Davis, Davis, CA, December 2016

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Pash Aeon/Binding Love, Acousmatic Computer Music/ Site Specific Installation, Studio 1, Temporary Building 9, UC Davis, Davis, CA, December 2016

The Pash Aeon/Binding Love, Acousmatic Computer Music/ Site Specific Installation, Studio 1, Temporary Building 9, UC Davis, Davis, CA, December 2016

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Pash Aeon, Soundcloud, https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster/the-pass-aeon? in=blackaudiomonster/sets/inside-of-you

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Synthphony in I/O Synthphony in I/O, A Synthphony for Processed Voice, Virtual Percussion and Web-Based Audio ©Tavarus Blackmon, 2016 Composition, Improvisation, Arrangement, Voice, Additional Lyrics, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2016 Virtual Percussion, Hydrogen (Freeware), Tavarus Blackmonster, 2016 Synthphony in I/O, Sound Art for Voice, Virtual Percussion and Web-Based Audio, 01:04:43 minutes, 2016 ——————————————————————————————————————— Selected Audio Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made for Walkin’, https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=SbyAZQ45uww, Published March 27, 2010 Shakira - Hips Don't Lie (Official Music Video) ft. Wyclef Jean, https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=DUT5rEU6pqM, Published October 2, 2009 Blue Oyster Cult - (Don't Fear) The Reaper (Official Audio),https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=Dy4HA3vUv2c, Published June 6, 2013 Wall Of Voodoo - Mexican Radio (Official Video), https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=eyCEexG9xjw, Published April 23, 2010 Real Life - Send Me An Angel ’89, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R6WIbx8ysE, Published September 10, 2008 ———————————————————————————————————————

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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——————————————————————————————————————— Selected Film Audio Basic Instinct mémoire 2, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1F27Iv0CLw, Published October 22, 2009 Basic Instinct (MON) (STUDIO CANAL), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJDgpFLLzOA, Published January 7, 2015 Cruel Intentions - Colorblind (Official Clip), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6M-lABYTxs, Published August 13, 2014, Final Destination - Ms Lewton's death HD, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TphUQcj3szQ, Published January 24, 2016 The Warriors - Reunion en el parque, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcYODA0Cmdk, Published February 3, 2019 ——————————————————————————————————————— Eric Monte Interview Interview with Eric Monte ( the real Preach in Cooley High), https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=hrtjtMoLrX0, Published March 17, 2012

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

2

Synthphony in I/O By using sound as medium, Music Concrete, each discrete audible notion: written, recorded, published, disseminated, reproduced, uploaded, downloaded, edited, processed and finally, composed, speaks to not only Democratic Media but the power of DIY Musicianship in the hands of Gen X computing and artistry. Reagan era Rock and Roll and New Wave mix audaciously and cacophonously with Filmic dialogue in waves of reverberated, processing. It is a pan-ultimate mix; RE the sound of American discontent via the sounds of American discontentedness. And, each honest and misunderstood reflex is oft one of Self Discovery. The artist’s thought through Sound, is that this discovery is one of Danger, Hope and Romance, much paralleling the themes and currents of contemporary society.

Much like the Visual Spaces created by the artist, this Audio Space deconstructs the idea of appropriation by treating otherwise copy-written material as “medium,” and ultimately, presenting the Synthphony as a free and accessible Educational Resource on Platformed Applications. The true Web and thus true Computer Music utilizes the, not exhaustive, capabilities of computing devices: Research, Downloading, Uploading, Recording, Editing, Processing, Codec Definition and further, Image Rendering, TimeBased Media Rendering and initial and alternate Posting and Publishing. The artist believes through instrumentation, composition,writing, vocals and arrangement, that with the addition of Web-Based Media and Computer Processing, a most sincere and exquisite presentation of Music through Sound is achieved. In whole a Processed Sound, for ideas, images, moods, themes and psychologies that are processed through mental cognition and imagination. Synthphony in I/O, is Tavarus Blackmonster’s first major work for Retro Music, moreover, his premier example of a substantial Computer Music.

Movements within the work transport the listener through Sound Space into an atmosphere of sassy rifs, chattering footsteps, haunting popular melodies, Ars Nova of contemporary improvisational lyricism, interview, a dangerous, sexy and exciting filmic sound purge and closing, the vulnerability of a Black youth left Home Alone with the Internet Passwords. It is so, the artist thinks that in popular terms, this Synthphony may not be considered music. But in his brash and irreverent opinion, “…It is more music than what is not music and, the complete sound is a composition: both popular and ideosyncratic, electronic, arranged and notated with formal and conceptual connections to New Music, Spatial Sound (web-based) and Acousmatic traditions”

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

3

The Concrete nature of the work puts the artist in a most objective perspective.

Through metaphorical and formal connections, instruments (Sound(s)) are material for inclusion within the composition. And, the artist’s interpretation of the media and further development of the work has put him in the position of writing large for myriad sounds (Instruments) including his own voice and improvisation. The work is raw, sincere, vulnerable and affirmative in the triumphantism of Sound.

But finally, though New Music was never the intention of the artist, but for delicious audio and conceptual rigor, the Noise of music, voices and languages make Synthphony in I/ O a work of codices, experimentation and feeling. The Synthphony in I/O has been published online and is also made available for exhibition as an acousmatic projection through loud speakers. In promoting the large work, the artist has created a video available online which links web browsers directly to the audio file, further extending the Visual/Audio Space.

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Synthphony in I/O (Image), Vector Art, dimensions variable, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Synthphony Video, Full High Definition Video for Synthphony in I/O, https://vimeo.com/360842495

Synthphony Video, Full High Definition Video for Synthphony in I/O, https://vimeo.com/360842495

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Synthphony in I/O, Soundcloud, https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster/synthphony-in-i-o? in=blackaudiomonster/sets/redlight-greenlight

Synthphony Video, Vimeo, https://vimeo.com/360842495

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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Tavarus Blackmon 987blackmonster@gmail.com

Prospective DMA, Performer/Composer, CalArts The Politics of the Cartoon and Contemporary Art The Politics of the Cartoon and Contemporary Art, California State University, Sacramento Master’s Thesis, Published May 2015, Revised July 2016 ©Tavarus Blackmon The Politics of the Cartoon and Contemporary Art, Text and Computer Recitation for Hard Copy and Interactive Web, Dimensions Variable (25:07minutes), 2015-2019 ——————————————————————————————————————— Sacramento State Scholarworks http://csus-dspace.calstate.edu/handle/10211.3/139447?show=full, Published May 13, 2015, ©Tavarus Blackmon ——————————————————————————————————————— Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster/the-politics-of-the-cartoon?in=blackaudiomonster/sets/ articulaudible, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2016 ——————————————————————————————————————— Awedio Codex dot Commercial, Previously Embedded (2015-2016) http://awediocodex.com, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2015 ——————————————————————————————————————— Blackmonster Review dot Commercial (Second Update) http://blackmonstereview.com, Tavarus Blackmonster, 2019

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Politics of the Cartoon and Contemporary Art (Image), Digital Painting, 40 x 80 inches, 2018, http://blackmonstereview.com

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Politics of the Cartoon and Contemporary Art (previously embedded on Awediocodex dot com), Interactive Index for Awediocodex dot com, 2015-2016

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Politics of the Cartoon and Contemporary Art (previously embedded on Awediocodex dot com), Interactive Page for Awediocodex dot com, 2015-2016

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

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The Politics of the Cartoon and Contemporary Art, Text, http://blackmonstereview.com

The Politics of the Cartoon and Contemporary Art, Audio, https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster/the-politics-ofthe-cartoon?in=blackaudiomonster/sets/articulaudible

©Tavarus Blackmon, 2019

5

RapSōdie (The sound of breathing inside you)

Darling Nicky’s————————————————————————————(2-7)

Ben E. King Me——————————————————————————(8-12)

WahWah———————————————————————————(13-15)

21st C. Boy————————————————————————(16-20)

1

50 good pussies

-darling nicky’s-

We aren’t young when we meet, Twenty-seven-years-old (27) and in the back Of the class at Sacramento City College.

We drink a bottle of Sky Vodka at night, Blood Orange, She grabs my balls hard and I lift her up, throw her across The bed.

We are making what is known as Love… with punches.

Nick Cave raps Stagger Lee. I lose myself in this moment of a reverberated Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech And whiiiiiiizzz.

Her, the punk who will Mince climax With a drug-dose of excruciating Me, Holding her Hand as she Whispers ‘Fuck,’ In my wet, ringing

pain, a confident pin cushion

EAR.

A taught line from my spine to my gland is as the hair closest to the hammer in my head is being tickled.

horripilating

Stagger Lee climbing over good Women as The Aussie croons

with Brutal ~Intimacy~ 2

Speaking of nick cave There is a moment when I hold her Listening to Murder Ballads That I feel we can last.

Is this the SssssOUND of a didjeridu on on Heroine?

I wonder later,

kissing her in the ally by the back gate.

The same small Walkway

Between the garage and the fence Where a fidgeting bum Takes a shit.

But I never shoot up like Crow Jane alone in a drug house bathroom, Between the toes, in the back of the Knee fat, voices like cacophonous CHATTER

as I think all beauty

Must die in a place Where the Wild Roses Grow.

What does she see in me, I wonder, does she see through me, I ask?

3

But we are past all of that now Smoking the wrong crank, Knowing in my later years from Videotaping Nursing courses that smoke is the Fastest way to get

high.

BUT THEN, All that matters is the sound of pornographic Puckers and SQUISH, Being wired in my studio apartment…

The one that crackkkles and sizzzles one night with the

fire

And, being somewhere safe when the cats in heat MooooaaaanN like feline devils with a MOOG synthesizer in their

I set.

throat.

My Recovered Angel Too, Detoxing somewhere quiet, alone, Like a mother who

steals off to the Howling Forrest to give Birth.

Now we make beds in the morning, Mourn the death Of parents who And escape the burden

Party of birthdays.

And we wash dishes like The Sorrowful Wife, An hours-long SplaaasssH! of water (and

the ‘mundane,’) in the tin sink.

4

Grinderman Pumps like a drug ZWWOooooom

a drug in the long vein, I think.

WaahWaahWaah

ZZRCHrrrktztttt…

The sound in my brain sends chills ice cold and then hot under my teeth…

My girlfriend is pregnant, she says, with eyes so white and wild.

In the form of a question, like Jeopardy for girls breaking complicated news to boys who sometimes like to run.

What if I was?????????????????????????????????????????????

And we just found a baggy of crank outside her Old studio apartment And I have a diagnoses of exhaustion And

she stabbed me

For lying in the wrong bed.

But people have two sides: (A / B,) Duality being an interesting conversation we have when we are high on the feeling of being listened to.

So like we were born with tar hides and pink cheeks we look to sun, We dive into what is only unfathomable For two people who are Just learning, like the green sound of new growth ZZZxxxchzzzzztssk!

to love.

~E l e c t r i c A l i c e~

And we glide into our arms Walk around J street, Stop at a church where a homeless person is encamped And begin dreaming about the Life we are Making.

5

There are two nick caves In the place where we dream.

They are distant brothers connected by s o u n d.

One comes from Down Under where the Aboriginal hand is Black on both sides no matter the

beat.

The other from Chi-raq where brothers shoot each other looking At the reflection of a VIOLENT, corrupt Police Force…

¡BANg, BANg!

In our way, my love and I dance to Nick Cave, move the furniture around the Room, sing in concert to whom is equal parts Elvis and zombie and preacher and devil Showing Up To The Birthday Party with —NnNOoOIiISsSEeE— and black hair. (noise) We also pray to Nick Cave, A Shepard of SOUND in a world——— that harms the hand of Black touch ———————————(Pretend America)———˃ And buries the embrace of LGBTQ love.

This shared caterwaaauuul of audible ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~wave~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ This shared sense of music as movement And the distance between them, Makes me listen Like a Child with reverence for the order of Chaos.

6

And in this chaos ! SOoouuuND" .

There is an Afro-Futurist suit made of

This Afro-Alien costume of COLOR

so bright,

Movement so sonic, is Dancing to cultural rhythms.

They have living hair, buoyant thread Are bound, - - -stitched- - -, sewn, made with the hand Of a Black VISUAL Artist——————I am enraptured by thrust;

shake; V i b

I Believe in this sound.

I hear with my

EYES;

The hand Is always in the noise Accorded a wretched head;

r a t o.

through the EAR a beautiful rhythm, resounding, complete. *Africa Bambaataa* (Beats and Breaks.)

X — CLAN (Spits truth,)

I share the center of my pride with my love.

This is a Funkin’ Lesson————˂ —————————————————————˃I think of Nick Cave and his Soundsuits.

Where it is not true That Boys Don’t Cry, Black boys cry in our hands and raise the funkin’

ROOOf.

7

Up on the roof

-ben e. king me-

At John Holst Elementary School which has since been turned into a Non-Public Us kids, barreling around, stomping, thinking about kissing hard and Love Bites That burn.

—— —— ——˃Fast-forward: standing on the fourth-floor of the Sacramento City College Parking Garage.

My love shares a sad story about a girl (too Young) Who dies while fooling around/falling off of a similar parking structure.

Rewind ˂- - - - - - - - - - - - : Back at John Holst, the girl I crush on steps on a plastic Sky-Light, CRUNCH! CRASH!!!

We grab her before she falls through the roof, Ohhh shittt, she says…

Zip zip zip zip zip WHirrrrrR Fast Rewind ˂˂˂- - - - - - - - - - - - : Ben E. King and the Drifters sing how ~This old world starts…getting me down~ in Mom’s car, And this second grade class at Whitney Elementary, where I am corralled for half of 2nd grade, Has got me down, too.

Here in the primary cage: Learning slavery through patriarchy, NOT PLEDGING ALLEGIANCE and getting punched in the Stomach by a fifth grader For laughing at the wrong girl.

THE OTHER

half of the year

My MOM an her abusive/dealer husband too coked out/ too out of touch/ To take/pick me up from school.

They put me in a taxi, the catholic school nuns watch Heerree’s JOHNNY!!!!

(the night my Mom doesn’t pick me up.)

∞

I am back at SAC CITY after the flashbacks: now at the top of Hughes Stadium singing songs to Sunshine Thinking I will never let Her /fall /fail /fear and that I hope she will Stand By Me… in the Holocene.

8

First to cry last to hear Wind whips around the stadium. A sharp ascending tone rises Then drops… is it the wind or my nervous system, I wonder?

Sunshine is beside me wishing I was more raw than refined, I clear my throat and then,

I’ve been staring to the stars at night !

Trying to decide how bright they shine in your I-eyes And I’ve been looking to the sun to see If anyone is shooting arrows at your heaaart…

I want to know what makes you cry!

I want to know if you want to die I - i want to vacation in loneliness To be where you are.

At the 23rd Street Light Rail Station, not long before I was singing her the song I write while dreaming about a forever we can occupy SHE wants to make a suicide pact

I want to order pizza!

I continue, at the top looking out, at the stadium…

I’ve been walking down the tracks to find!

If I could drive a train Right into your soul And I’ve been taking apart all my toys Just to see, suh-ee if my love will make them whole I want to know if you’re alive!

I want to know what you feel inside I want to take physics class in high-school To know how to move inside of you.

She laughs, Rrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippp, makes a fart sound with her soft lips And we never talk about the song again (I am listening to your music/you are the melody) 9

She must be somebody’s baby (Fast Times) I think she is sparkling among the Smell of oil and gasoline.

I walk from W Street to Broadway to buy cigarettes (to see

Sunshine.)

I’m Walking on Sunshine, past the homeless man who looks like Santa, smoking Kool’s and lying flat on the sidewalk.

——Away from the ex who eats Vienna Sausages and smokes Camels—— Into the math homework Of a beautiful woman Who plays MARS VOLTA (Weeaaoooowwwww) and KIYOHARU!!!

(Emily) And I’ve Never Known A Girl Like You I think, not in the Brittish FUZZZZZZ nor the American afterglow.

I recognize the devil in myself, break one heart, fall in love with another.

I Cheat, bite my lip, Propose with a plastic ring… ¡PUNK!

She is Punk though, Enough to smile, forgive, And to make me pay…

later,

Like a girl I never knew (my love, Sunshine…) (existed…)

10

But as kids Before we meet we are attending different high-schools. Sunshine is at Florin and William Daylor and I am at El Camino Fundamental.

Mom keeps saying it is a good school, I know it isn’t, not that good.

I’m LISTENING to Black art, Songs that speak to both the rawness of my nature and the sensitivity of my emotion.

Best of Sade… she makes advances in my fantasies about the way A princess sleeps in silk to sing like fabric comforting a baby, eyes like Africa with a British twist and dancing like a cat with soul.

I want to be inside this voice, I moan, like molasses and flowers.

Tupac, All Eyes On Me… Makaveli… on repeat/taeper.

Me And My Girlfriend in school like young bunnies, Young Sisters and Brothers On my reading list, weed in the bathroom, thinking about gang VIOLENCIA, I AM. Punching in the ticket booth window after a fight, I AM. Attending a school that looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch ad.

(WHERE AM I???)

Long before I held Sunshine’s hand She is thinking about COOTER Raaaaaaaage!

Her body the hand grenade waiting To explode (BwooooooSHHHHH—————zzzzzzzccchhssxxxxxchzzzzt!

In my bed, on top of each other, all over my face when she is kissing

or fighting TO BE HEARD. 11

Within that struggle I return to that studio album, Sade bringing me back from a Place where darkness is growing (Sunshine in tears)…

I’m hating my face and covering the mirror, our fight the SSSOOOUUUNNNDDDLLLEEESSS atmosphere Surrounding my naked body.

I put on headphones:

I won't pretend that I intend to stop this is how I am living I won't pretend I'm good at I am not But I can't hate you Our kids are watching Though I have tried Mmmmmmmmmmmmm…

I still really really love you

forgiving

I do

I take off my headphones, the children are calling: Mommy!!!

They address me as non-sexual, Interchangeable, (PARENTAL.) The Music stops the feeling on

II (pause) I hold her voice in my ear (If her love is King, what does that make me?)

I wait for your

——call——

12

Beat box

-wah wah-

She taps her belly three times like a drummer…

I am fumbling bread and burning bacon like the Kid who eats Mother’s food.

Rasputina in the iPod (Weeeuuuweeahh… Rriipszzt) The electric cello in our heads Like the fire string, whine, zip and reverberating.

The Mayor on my mind—————————————-???????? /Can I father, can I parent?????

Where are my meds?

Melora Creagor is using her voice like an instrument while my love, Sunshine, looks in my EYES. I am waning, wanting, hoping like the fool ` with failure on my plate That I will be Hot Shit, High on Life.

I smell of weed, not a mechanic, but she loves the garden and I love how she has grown.

Can I be Everything she thinks I can be? I ask, When she looks through me to where My Mother Left Off

Waah Waah wahwahwah WaahWaah wahwahwah WahWah (The children need me)

13

The baby-doll dress Black and White, commingled binaries, is how we find ourselves. 01:10 The dress she wears is playful, dangerous and inviting.

Am I the wolf or the lamb?

We listen to Cabin Fever, How We Quit the Forest, Creagor blasting cello notes like an alien from a Victorian future.

I

change the music. Ziwp!

Independent Study at Sacramento State University, I make a vid.

My baby is coming home.

Six weeks in the NICU and Sunshine and I are still holding hands.

Resolute in worry, absolute in purpose, the 2 pound 5 ounce baby we see in the cradle is our answer.

Say Hi plays in the video I post to Youtube.

They flag the video but don’t delete it.

A bassy circle rrriiifff moves up and down, dada DaDaDa dada DaDaDa. Shimmers of cymbals cascade and shine like the introduction Of royal sound. This is going somewhere…

I look into her eyes, the mother / the child.

At only 30yrs old I feel like a child myself, the child who will die to become something/ worth something.

I am not my mother’s son I hope.

I am not my daddy’s boy I pray.

The music crashes, I say hi To the girls that I am sure " Every boy in town is pretty sure that he deserves to marry… (she chose me)

14

Kids with noise Like darlings with rip-cord voice boxes All the children are screamers, wailers and howl with pleasure.

The SQueeeeeeeeeeL

The Cry———————————Wah Wah,

they are in my ear, in my head and on my mind.

Cody Chesnutt in the background: The Headphone Masterpiece is where I am when the children are sleeping, noise cancelling sounds as I

Blast.

My electronic music.

Zips—-zaps—-whines and sin waves Arcing like Bent noiZe. LATER———————————————˃ Make a Better Man Chesnutt the fool, raping soulfully about Taste the honey count the cows Love a mother and her child Taste the honey count the cows And I’m counting, Counting.

Listening to the Mother, Heading the child.

Playing the notes (I hear from inside of you.)

-

- - - - - - - - - - - - - — - - - — - - — — - - - - - - — — — -listening to you breathe.

15

This is not the end

-21st c. boy-

In the 21st century there are boys.

Man Boys.

Pretty Boys.

Sweet Boys.

Pizza Boys.

This Charming Man CUTS himself shaving and gives birth to a

21st Century boy.

T.V. Star Wars.

Home Computers.

High Tech Sex. The Ultra Vixens.

Adrenaline.

Excitement!

My principal concern is getting our of jail.

I don’t know what happens or why, I suffer exhaustion.

But with US BOMBS GOING OVERHEAD How could one not want to

SHhhooot it up?

Beeeeeeeeeeep goes the button, Zappp goes the dial… I’m pressing knobs like a knobby-boy Who’s soon to turn forty but looking to be High on: Insomnia; Coffee; Espresso; Anime; He Man; Color, Grotesque Color, Cleaning up AND

the needles lining my side yard

Sigue Sigue Sputnik.

Beep, blippp, Pwaaat!

The class of 1985 wants their drugs back and my boy is born electric.

16

We come together Sunshine speaks through the jailhouse phone I would rather eat spit than touch to my ear.

What happens the night I find myself lost, abandoned In my own field of empty sound?

This is too hard————————————————take me to a better place.

We buy the house, I’m in the MFA program, my son is in the NICU and My Mom just died.

You need each other, she tells me before she drifts into silence.

I go to a memory of the last time I cry, I can not find a sad emotion Concerning my Mom. Remember Love, Remember Love That is what it takes to live. (the tears are heavy.)

Take me to where I glow: I graduate and win a Fellowship, My son comes home, The 21st C. Boy is dressed in PIZZA pajamas as I Turn on Paul DeMarinis.

Music as a Second Language what language is this?

SOUND. Says the boy, Black boy, Boy with American violence, Boy with American credit, American Debt, American love, —————————————————————————————˃ ˂———————————————————————— ——————————————————————————————˃What is Amer.

I go to the institutions that train me in puzzles.

love if not a broken heart # ?

(Art/Music/Literature, save me.)

17

Granny goose I don’t have a Dad, I have a Step-Dad. The Black He-Man the picture of muscle The scholarship recipient, The college drop out.

the rabbit running from his past.

He cries in his Granny Goose, sour cream and onion potato chips With the noise cancelling headphones connected to the stereo receiver.

Zapp!

Roger Troutman Parlament…………………..it is FUNKY funk and smooth Jazz that soothes this creature.

The man who is not my father But brings me into his life to hold me at a distance.

It is not his fault, not like the bow punctures the target.

He is no arrow but a whip turned round Cracking a beer/a bottle.

Now, I lay me down to sleep, FLASHLIGHT! Neon Light.

(I never love a man)

I tell myself.

(what is the picture of a father I keep in my dream?) I think.

I go to Soundcloud, I hold my children.

I eat chips, the crunching boy turned Munching-Man.

Sunshine grabs my fat and pinches my ass, For the children she says in song, fold yourself for the children.

I am not strong in arm but loving.

GOOSEY GOOSEY GANDER WITHER SHALL I WANDER UP THE STAIRS AND DOWN THE STAIRS INSIDE MY LADIES CHAMBER THERE I MET AN OLD MAN WHO WOULDN’T SAY HIS PRAYERS I TOOK HIM BY THE LEFT LEG AND THROUGH HIM DOWN THE (fucking)

STAIRS…

(dad.)

18

Climax (echo in the holocene) It is not to music we have sex.

Between Sunshine and myself we foster a presence, A silence in the moment touch.

But before the family planning is complete, before we are quiet at night there is

THE BERBERIAN SOUND STUDIO

Aaaahhhhghghghgu

uupt.

The Sreeeeaaaam in Italiano.

The Waaaiill! Of fear in the cold sound booth.

The overdub of a duet MOAN as two women remove The sound of their voice from themself.

Sunshine wants tenderness/I want affection; what she gets is male fantasy while I get to rub feet.

I Scraaaaaaaatch at her back like the cat on a dove.

She rubs at my back with waxing puuulls and tuuugs.

She cries hurry, hurry, you can do it (is there a doubt?) I think, questioning more myself than her.

SSSHHHHHHhhhhhh SSSSSHHHHHHhhhhhh, We have to wait until the kids are asleep.

She reassures me as my length grows long.

I tap my fingers on the hardwood to the syllables of Camptown Races.

I wait for her in a small space of being.

Doo dah Doo dah …All night… …All Day… …Oh, Doo dah day…

Until she comes with an inaudible moan And, I sound like I’ve been

shot!

19

The Family Stone The nights are long. I plug myself into a digital interface coding the cypher of binary knowledge (information of /information /of information.)

Kids have put their heads to soft pillows, the cries of the young boy have QUIeTED to a gentle snore (Bztt Bztt Bztt Bztt Bztt Bztt The girls are dreaming about cupcakes and dolls with sprinkles they say, with pink hair they tell me.

sound.

Bztt.)

My love tells me I snore, too, but I don’t hear.

I am in a dream. Running after the kids I can catch. Listening to Sunshine tell me she has cheated but I did that years ago. (and paid/bled.)

There is CCCRRRYYYing

in the mornings, hyperventilating Over the wrong waffles/with squares the wrong cereal/with spheres and the c o r r e c t way siblings should talk to each other,

(You’re garbage/I love you,) they say.

Life outside the house is complicated/(inside too.)

There are the same puzzles/traps and corruption, Gentrification/Capitalism/economic growth amidst working-class struggles/ and/ the same/ patriarchal/ bullshit /that comes with a/ ¿Presidency?

But there is no MUSIC in that violence.

Only allegiance/rhythmless choreography.

But when I am longing Like a child with a sliver I look at the side of my palm and think of Sunshine.

The sound of her voice breathing, aauhhh, in our bed; How I used-to hold my black hands to her white belly and press around, feeling for a response as the father without words.

Your Daddy

But they hear, they

listen,

all

humming. Singing you

scruff and

wwwhhisssspering your name,

s o n g s, come home.

20

Tavarus Blackmon © 2020

Do you love me?

She is listening to a song and I know the lyrics. Inside my head I imagine she will sing to me one day with her pretty voice. The same voice I hear every-other-day at the gas station.

I walk down Broadway to buy cigarettes and visit her at work. With slender, long fingers, she gathers the Marlboro’s as the Classic Rock radio station provides a rusty atmosphere. I am making ash outside attempting to flirt in my best portly way, more blush than confident and getting hand-outs though I am not pan-handling. A very awkward negotiation ensues.

What kind of music do you like?

I ask, as if having the emotional intelligence and communication skills of a hard-up Freshman. I visit her often with church-like devotion, wanting to give myself to her in a true and selfless way; she shows me pitty during the vulnerability of wedding season.

At her apartment in the afterglow of mucus and tugging, she plays Stagger Lee. The Nick Cave version blares in my head like a chainsaw, her voice the last to call me lover, the first to direct my hand and question my aim.

For several weeks we hold-up in her small studio apartment. It is on an old futon mattress, folded into quarters, we play Nick Cave, Rasputina, The Mars Volta and smoke the most green, marijuana. One night we watch a movie she finds at Beers Books, Electric Dragon: 80,000 Volts.

“This is the last movie I ever want to watch, over-and-over,” I tell her.

I beam in the other-ness of the character, his lonely sessions of electro-convulsive shock therapy and fighting way. She, impressed with my creative impulse and I, with her artful life, make love for hours punching, biting lips into cold-sores and taking turns holding each other down. We drink a bottle of Vodka until there are drips stuck to the glass like condensation.

“That’s mine,” she jokes about the last shot, grabbing the bottle before it is quite empty.

She works the night shift at AMPM, is a paid intern at the children’s center at Sac City College, studies as an ECE major, volunteers for Food Not Bombs and exercises every day. I’m just a fat guy working at a tattoo shop, drawing flash and trying to find a way out of a bad relationship with a dead-end-ex. Sunshine shows me a colorful way forward. Into her fit arms, into boozy, romantic, nights with semi-rough sex and out of my past where I try hard to die. There is alot to live for, I find, with a beautiful woman who empathizes my delsuion.

Not long after we take a reluctant plunge into dating one another, we sign a lease for an apartment on J Street. I think I can wake up next to this creature every day. Except that when I wake she is gone, quietly each night, she makes a nest for herself on the hardwood floor.

I walk carrying two large, black, garbage bags full of laundry a few blocks around the corner. It’s my clothes, her clothes, at Love Laundry. I am dutiful and watching people walk, ride and drive down K Street. I think, looking at her collection of decorative hankerchiefs, Isn’t this a strange and interesting woman?

We keep to the night with drinks, joints and Gregg Araki films. There is something dangerous about these movies, violence in The Doom Generation, and it reminds me of my violent past, a knife like a corsage in a blood-smudged lapel.

The night we watch Pearls Before Swine, I have a psychotic episode. Sunshine escapes into darkness after I release my hands from her throat. I stagger down the Artwalk naked, singing loudly, and pluck a discordant melody on an old jangly guitar.

A vicious tape plays in my head. It is a theatre of absolution and persecution, thoughts of a collective unconscious. How so, for an atheist? How so, for a believer in the individual’s will? In Sunshine, she sees me free of these burdens, smart like a sharp nail, sensitive and caring.

I swallow my house key in the ER, shuffle in a gown like a mumu then make my tender way home to her. She assesses the cuts I’ve made on my wrist, checks the eye I almost pop out of my head and, makes love to me, forgives, a blushing nurse to mother my wounds and chaperone my worry with metered resolve.

I listen to In Reverie, by Saves the Day. I play “Tomorrow Too Late,” on repeat. The music fills me with a feeling that seems known. This is anguish. I fold the clothes she piles next to the closet. I do her math homework and make all the phone calls.

“Can you do that for me?” She asks, but she is guiding.

A mother in my head and the woman of my dreams, she folds my anxiety into meditation. Sunshine tells me something; a whisper soft and fine. Her voice is in my head, calling me in the wane of the night. And I am like gossamer, flitting weightless in the silver of moonlight. Away from a web where, out of design, danger is born in the dark cry of oblivion. But I find fortune to be caught in her repose, nurtured like a child, wet and raw.

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a i Vi a A

Tavarus Blackmonster, b. 1979 https://tavarusblackmonart.com https://soundcloud.com/blackaudiomonster

2018 MFA, Studio Art, Provost Fellow, University of California Davis, Davis, CA 2015 MA, Studio Art, California State University, Sacramento, Sacramento, CA Part-Time Faculty, Sacramento State University, (Art 20A, Beginning Drawing, Fall 2021) Part-Time Faculty, Folsom Lake College, (Art 300, Prison Ed Program, Beginning Drawing, Fall 2021) 2021 Caldera Arts, Winter AiR, Sisters, OR 2020-21 Root Division Curatorial Fellowship, San Francisco, CA 2020-21 Kala Art Institute Fellowship, Berkeley, CA 2019 Sustainable Art Foundation, Parent Artist Fellowship, Kala Art Institute, Berkeley, CA 2018 Headlands Center for the Arts, Graduate Fellow, Sausalito, CA (2018-2019) Axis Gallery, Sacramento, CA, Vice President/Member Artist Root Division, San Francisco, CA, Community Advisor, Co-Chair Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Committee

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Tavarus Blackmon Art LLC