WHAT’S IN A NAME?

You may remember that James and Samantha Peabody have travelled back in time to have a chat to William Shakespeare and have now been accosted by three thugs in a stinking alley, demanding that our intrepid time travellers pay them a toll.

The thug stepped forward warily and once she judged that he was close enough, Samantha sprayed him in the eyes with a quick burst of pepper spray. As he staggered back, pawing at his eyes and howling in pain, Samantha quickly stepped forward and hammered her elbow into the side of his head. The thug dropped to the ground with a wet thud as his head splattered into the stinking mess from the chamber pot.

“Who’s next?” demanded Samantha as she beckoned to the two remaining thugs. They looked at each other for a moment, then charged forward. Samantha waited on balanced feet and then when she judged the distance was just right, sent a forceful kick to the groin of the nearest man. As he slowly collapsed to the ground in agony, she pivoted and launched a round-house kick to his head, and he also collapsed to the ground. The remaining thug, slithered to a halt, glanced hastily at his two unconscious comrades lying in the mud, then turned and sprinted away down the alley.

“Good decision!” yelled Samantha at the departing thug. She turned to James. “That didn’t take much effort. I was hoping for a better workout than that.”

“Oh! Well done!” exclaimed James. “When we get back, you’ll have to teach me how to do that.”

Samantha smiled gently. “I don’t think so dear. You do the thinking and I’ll do the acting, that’s what makes us such a good team.” She twirled her arms for a moment to relax them and then bent down and began to search through the pockets of the unconscious men. “Okay then,” she muttered, “let’s see what we have here.”

“What are doing?” asked James in surprise. “You can’t be thinking of robbing these men?” Samantha turned and frowned at him. “What do you take me for? Of course I’m not robbing them. However, I taught these men a valuable lesson, and lessons such as this don’t come cheaply so I’m just collecting my payment.” She tossed James a small pouch containing a few coins and began searching the second man. “With a bit of luck, we should have enough to pay for tickets to the Globe theatre.”

The second man also had a few coins in his pocket and after collecting these, Samantha and James pushed their way past the small crowd of curious onlookers and hurried up the alley towards the main road.

“So much for fitting in inconspicuously to the local environment,” muttered James as he consulted his map once more. “The theatre is at the end of this street. With a bit of luck, we may be able to see a performance before we go.”

As they got closer, they heard loud whistling and cheering coming from the theatre and an

(Episode 3)

by John Kriesfeld

occasional roar of approval from the crowd within. “Are you sure it’s not a football stadium?” asked Samantha.

James shook his head. “It certainly sounds like it but football hasn’t been invented yet.”

There were two burly men standing outside the main entrance to the building. They watched with disinterest as Samantha and James approached. One of the men finally stepped forward to block their way. “The next play’s not until this evening,” he said. “This one doth almost over, come back then.”

Samantha held out a handful of coins. “Is this enough money for us to come in and see the end of this play?”

The man looked down at the coins and then pursed his lips before quickly snatching the coins from Samantha’s outstretched hand. “I guess so, but thou must stand at the back.” “Thanks,” replied Samantha sweetly as she stepped quickly past him. “Come on James. We don’t want to miss the entire play.”

They hurried into the theatre and stood momentarily at the back of audience as they tried to gauge their surroundings. Several men in colourful costumes were haranguing each other on the stage and the audience roared their approval at the exchange of words. Several of the women called out advice to the men which provoked loud laughter from the other members of the audience. The actors simply ignored them and carried on with their dialogue.

“I think this play is called ‘ A Comedy of Errors’,” shouted James as he struggled to make himself heard above the din of the audience. “It’s all about family loyalties, persistence, identity and coincidence.”

There was another bout of raucous laughter from the audience and Samantha shouted, “I want to get nearer to the front. I can’t really hear what the actors are saying.”

James shook his head and said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” However, Samantha was already pushing her way down one of the aisles. Even though there were bench seats in the theatre, the majority of the audience were standing up as they yelled colourful advice to the actors and they paid scant attention to Samantha and James as they pushed and jostled their way to a position halfway down the theatre. They stayed there for the remainder of the play and once it ended amid loud applause and further raucous comments from the audience, they stepped to one side and allowed the crowd to flow past them and out of the theatre.

“This wasn’t the picture I had in mind at all when I suggested coming here,” said Samantha as she collapsed onto one of the benches.

“Audience participation takes on a whole new meaning,” agreed James. He looked down at his feet and picked up a bedraggled cabbage.

“I don’t think this was brought along for a halftime snack.”

“So, they really did throw things at the actors if they didn’t like the play,” replied Samantha.

“We really have come a long way.”

Several men appeared on the stage and began moving props into position in preparation for the first scene of the play that was to be performed that evening. A tall man with a wispy beard was issuing orders and pointing to where he wanted the props placed.

James nudged Samantha with his elbow and whispered, “I think that’s William Shakespeare over there.”

“Oh, goody,” replied Samantha as she jumped to her feet. “Let’s go and meet him.”

Has Samantha exposed the world to the Butterfly Effect by knocking out the two thugs? Will Shakespeare agree to talk to them or has the whole trip been a waste of time? Would throwing cabbages at bad actors make our plays more interesting and boost audience numbers? All will be revealed in the next episode.

Singing With Both Hands

by Robyn Black

he punctuates the wash of schoolyard sound with the firm, rapid strokes of confident hands traces his story permanent as voice precise as dance on each precious minute a ballet of shadows bounces softly off red-brick walls in place of Baghdad echoes but out playing soccer he blends seamless, adept where all are fluent in one, swift language. - No Straight Lines

Christmas Jokes

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas, and she said nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace, so I gave her nothing.

The three phases of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.

I bought my son a refrigerator for Christmas. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

SUDOKU No. 77 Solution