QUIZ answers

CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? by Ma Merle

1c – Tony Lockett

2a – Andes, South America

3b – Ottawa

4d – George Orwell

5a – Emerald

“I think I might sell my washing machine Agnes, and get a smaller one. Really, it’s just me living here and mine is way too big for my needs. It takes up a lot of space in my laundry too and I feed the little doggy in there.”

6b – Vines

7c – Tchaikovsky

8c – Signs and Symbols

“What about when Garry moves in Merle, won’t you need a big washing machine then?” asked Agnes as she laughed hysterically at her own bad joke.

9c – 2 (Phobos and Deimos)

10b – Baby

I could not be bothered responding to her absolute nonsense. She gets a kick out of it so I just let her go. That’s what good friends do, but how her little mind works, I will never know.

Scoring.

0–2. Struggle Street. Don’t feel too bad. In order for people to live on Bland Street, somebody has to be worse than that and I’m sorry to say that’s you. On the other hand, if you had guessed (c) for every answer you would have gotten four correct so perhaps you were just unlucky.

“And how is Barney?” Agnes enquired once she regained her composure, still sniffing up her happy, bad joke tears. “I suppose he is not a puppy anymore? You’ve had him for about eighteen months now so I am guessing he is all grown up and not so naughty anymore, you know, chewing your shoes and that sort of thing, like he used to do.”

“Yes Agnes, Barney and I lead a quiet life now. He follows me around all day and sits by my feet at night. He is lovely company. I can’t really complain about him at all. I taught him to behave with my firm, fair and consistent approach early on in our relationship and now all the hard work has been done and we understand each other very well. I actually enjoy having him around.”

3-5. Bland Street. The majority of the population fall into this category. After all, average is both normal and safe. If you stand out from the crowd you become a tall poppy and we know what happens to them so rejoice in your ordinariness.

6-7. Above Average (sort of). Well done on another abnormal performance. If you were normal you would have been living on Bland Street and being called unexceptional. So, according to the Oxford dictionary, you are exceptional, irregular and deviating from type. Ask your friends if that sounds like you.

“So, he’s like a substitute husband Merle,” remarked Agnes as she began her ridiculous laughing yet again. I just waited it out patiently but, oh boy, she really does love her own jokes, if you can call them that.

I moved the conversation on while she once again regained her decorum.

8-9. Smarty Pants. Excellent. Congratulations! You’re smarter than 95% of the population. Whether you choose to believe statistic is up to you. Oh, you do believe it. I thought you might. However, it also means you’re not as smart as 5%. Oh, I see. You don’t believe that particular statistic. 10. Genius. Every question correct! Go you! Lucky for you it was multiple choice because there were a couple you weren’t too sure about, weren’t there? However, you now have a month to bask in the glory by asking other people how they did on the quiz.

“I tell you though, there is this cat that keeps coming around my yard and that does get on Barney’s goat. He is forever chasing it out and it is forever coming back the minute he turns his back. I don’t even know where it lives. It just seems to be here most days getting chased out. I am pretty sure it wants Barney’s food but there will be no feeding stray cats, I can tell you.”

“I could not agree more Merle,” replied Agnes, as she struggled to hide a wide grin. “Look what happened when you started to feed Garry?” Off she went again. Laughing, crying, sniffing, snorting, giggling, jiggling, it was quite unpleasant to watch, and I’d just about had enough of her silliness. “Honestly Agnes, have you been drinking today? You are in a very silly mood.”

Agnes took a deep breath as she wiped a tear off her cheek. “Merle, you know me better than that. I never drink through the week and barely even on the weekends. No, I am just in a good mood that’s all.”

“Alright, enough about you Agnes,” I said as I steered the conversation back to more important subjects. “How do I go about selling my washing machine?”

“Hmmm, well, you need to sell it on Facebook Marketplace, Merle,” Agnes replied in a matter-of-fact tone as though she knew everything about everything.

“Out at the market?” I almost yelled in surprise. “Good heavens Agnes, don’t be so ridiculous I can’t cart the jolly thing to a market.”

“It’s not a real market Merle. It’s on Facebook,” replied Agnes calmly with all the composure and confidence of an all knowing, all seeing, up-to-date, saleswoman.