WHAT’S IN A NAME? (Episode

2)

You may remember that James and Samantha Peabody have travelled back in time to have a chat to William Shakespeare and try and find out if Sir Francis Bacon is the real playwright. You may also remember that Samantha isn’t too enamoured with the smells emanating from that period. As they walked away from the park towards the centre of London, Samantha noticed that people were starting to stare at them, and in some cases, point at them and laugh.

“We appear to be amusing the local population,” commented Samantha as a skinny, old woman dressed in what could only be described as rags, made some disparaging comment about them to her neighbour who immediately burst into a cackling fit of laughter.

“I think we’re over-dressed,” replied James, as more and more people began to stop and stare at them.

“The girl in the costume shop assured me that these clothes were authentically Elizabethan,” sniffed Samantha in annoyance.

“Perhaps for the royal court of Queen Elizabeth,” replied James as he looked around warily at the decrepit buildings lining the narrow street, “but not for the poorer parts of London. I don’t imagine that any of the toffs come down here very often.”

“These people are all so skinny,” said Samantha as she glanced at the people in the street. “There’s not a fat person to be seen.”

“That’s because fast food and labour-saving devices have yet to be invented,” replied James as he stepped cautiously around a large pile of horse dung in the middle of the muddy street. “Come on, the sooner we find the Globe Theatre, the safer I’ll feel. We’re attracting far too much attention walking around here.” He checked his map and then looked around once more. “We can either walk right around this block of streets or we can duck down this alley and save a lot of time,” he said as he indicated a narrow opening on their left.

“Do you think it’s safe?” asked Samantha as she looked dubiously at the alley.

“Is anywhere around here safe?” replied James as a couple of raggedly dressed men made several menacing gestures towards them. “They think we’re upper-class gentry come to laud it over them, and they aren’t too happy about it. Perhaps we should just return to the time machine and forget all about this adventure.”

“Oh no you don’t,” replied Samantha firmly. “I’ve come here to meet William Shakespeare and no number of ill-mannered peasants are going to stop me from doing that.” She turned and strode purposefully towards the alley and James quickly hurried to catch up to her.

Piles of rotting rubbish dotted the alley and Samantha noticed that the smell was even worse. An elderly lady peered out from a nearby window and then called out something that was intelligible to Samantha. Moments later a gush of brown putrid liquid was flung out the window and onto the muddy ground in front of them.

“What on earth!” exclaimed Samantha as she came to an abrupt stop. “Did that lady just throw out the contents of her chamber pot?” she asked incredulously.

“I think I mentioned that the poorer parts of London didn’t have any sewerage,” replied James as he stepped cautiously around the smelly mess

by John Kriesfeld

in front of them. “I think it might pay to glance up from time to time as the people on the first and second floors probably use the same method for getting rid of their waste.”

“How can these people live like this?” muttered Samantha as she hitched up her long dress and followed James.

“This is normality for them,” said James. “I expect the rain will just wash it away. You can’t judge their actions and behaviour by our current standards. This is actually a great example of the growth and evolution of society and shows just how far we have come in the last couple of hundred years. It’s the same as if we apologise for the actions and behaviour of our ancestors. What they did was normal behaviour for that period and as far as they would be concerned, any apology from a future generation would be unwarranted.”

“I agree,” replied Samantha as she glanced nervously up at the windows lining the narrow alleyway and barged straight into James’s back. He had come to halt and was staring at three large men who had emerged out of the shadows and were now blocking their way.

“Can I help you gentlemen?” James asked calmly.

The three men immediately looked at each other in surprise and then burst in loud guffaws of laughter. “Lord and Lady La-de-da Muck certainly doth speak strangely,” sneered one of the men, who appeared to be the leader. “We’re from Bulgaria, if you must know,” replied Samantha haughtily, “and our English is probably better than yours.”

The large man frowned in annoyance as he addressed James. “Why dost thou allow yon woman to speaketh thus to me? Dost she not knoweth her place?”

Samantha took a step forward and placed her hands on her hips belligerently. “I can speak however I like, now please be so kind as to step out of our way.”

The large man scowled at Samantha. “Perhaps things art different where thou come from, but here, women knoweth their place.” He turned back to James and poked a finger in his chest. “Thou must pay a toll to pass safely through our alley otherwise there will be unfortunate consequences.”

“Oh goody!” exclaimed Samantha. “I do love consequences.”

“A toll?” replied James quizzically. “I’m afraid that won’t be possible as we don’t have any money.”

“Surely you jest,” replied the thug as he suddenly reached out and attempted to snatch Samantha’s small handbag from her grasp.

Samantha easily evaded his hand and took a defensive step back. “We don’t have any money,” she said, “but I have something in here that is far more valuable.” She opened her handbag and took out a small cannister and held it out in front of her.

“What’s that?” grunted the thug suspiciously.

“Why don’t you come and have a closer look?” suggested Samantha as she passed her handbag to James with her other hand and then took up a strong defensive stance.

What does Samantha have in her hand that is so valuable? How will Samantha and James get to the Globe Theatre if they don’t have any money to pay the toll to the thugs and why does Samantha love consequences?

Tatura Hill Top Bowls

Tatura Hilltop entered state events in the Men's and Ladies Goulburn Valley Fours, reached the finals with the championship games to be played at Shepparton Park. The Ladies team of Dot Best, Jeanette Overall, Robyn Downs and Maria Warner found their opponents in the crack Rushworth side too much of a challenge on the day and lost by quite a margin.

The Men's foursome of Brendon Boyd(S), Nick Boyd, Peter LeSueur and Mitch Reeves had a cracker of a game when together with their Shepparton Park opponents, they went into the last end locked on 17 shots each. The scoring was close throughout the match with often only single shots separating the two teams. Shepparton Park were holding the game winning shot on the last end when Brendon Boyd with his last bowl re-established their lead by removing the shot bowl. Shep Park skipper Jost Warren, with the last bowl to be played for the day, was unable to alter the head to his advantage. Boyd's rink home by the barest of margins 18 to 17.

Rotary Scholarship For Local Education Student

The Rotary Club of Tatura awarded the Bruce Anderson Scholarship to Alyson Phillips to assist with her first-year studies for a Bachelor of Education at LaTrobe University in Bendigo. The presentation was made during a regular Rotary social club meeting where Alyson gave an interesting talk about where she has come from, where she is now and where she hopes to go with her career in the future.

After successfully completing primary school in Tatura and secondary school in Shepparton Alyson decided to take a GAP year in 2021. She said “As COVID was disrupting my education pathways I decided to take a GAP year to gain some real-life experience before entering tertiary education.” She signed-up for a traineeship with Notre Dame College to complete a Certificate III in Education Support. Alyson said “This opportunity allowed me to experience education from the teacher’s perspective. I was able to support students with disabilities and impairments to learning and help them gain confidence in the mainstream learning environment. This year spent working confirmed that I had picked the right tertiary pathway to pursue a career as a teacher.” She said she is currently not receiving Government support and the scholarship funds will help to cover some of her accommodation expenses.

While growing up in Tatura Alyson was actively involved with local sport and a dance group. She also supported fund-raising through the Good Friday Appeal and helped with the Blue Light Disco.

The scholarship is administered by the Rotary Club of Tatura and is a result of a bequest made by the late former member Dr Bruce Anderson (1936 to 2009) who was a vet in the Tatura district for thirty-five years, serving the rural communities in both private practice and in the public service. It provides one thousand dollars for first year tertiary students from Tatura and surrounding districts. The selection criteria are based equally on academic merit, social service and financial need. For more information on how to apply for the 2023 scholarship contact sj.lolicato@gmail.com or 04 0092 0467.

Cow Jokes

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It's pasture bedtime. I'm looking now but I can't see the cows at the moment.

They must be camooflaged.

Where do cows eat lunch?, In the calf-eteria.

Why was the cow so afraid of messing up?

Because the steaks were high.

CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? by Ma

Merle

“Come on Merle, come for a walk you know you need it,” Agnes said to me.

“What do you mean I need it, Agnes? Are you saying I am fat and lazy?” I replied indignantly. “Oh, heavens no,” she said with a nervous giggle, “of course not. But you know they tell us move it or lose it, so we need to keep moving. I can tell you I do feel a lot better now that I walk most days. I especially love it when Fred has the time to walk with me.” She now had a big smile on her face like a lovesick teenager.

I finally gave in, even if it was just to stop Agnes from nagging. I had recently purchased a pair of brand new walking shoes and made sure my laces were correctly tied as I did not want any repeat injuries, not after the last time I went walking and fell. That memory was still very vivid for me. However, I did know that Agnes was right and I probably do need to do a bit of walking.

Off the two of us went, all covered in sunscreen and hats, long sleeves and long pants. I found the whole ordeal to be exhausting before I even left the jolly house.

Agnes was a bit of a fuddy-duddy about this sort of thing. “We need to be careful at our age Merle, as our skin is very sensitive and with global warming and all, oh wait, I think it is climate change now, anyway, I have had enough spots removed from my body to make a whole new me.” She then laughed and laughed and carried on about how the new her would look.

“Not very flattering I would imagine, since it would be made up of all the nasty spots you have had removed,” I replied. What a dreadful thought. And anyway, one Agnes was more than enough.

We strolled around and I kept my pace at a speed I could cope with, Agnes kept leaping ahead and then waiting a bit for me.

“Is this as fast as you can go Merle? We need to get our hearts pumping you know. They say it is good cardiovascular work.”

By this stage I was feeling hot and sweaty, out of condition and over Agnese’s sharing of wisdom. Especially about what they say. Who are they anyway?

I kept quiet to keep the peace. After a minute I said, “I am doing my best Agnes.” I marched on but it was coming to my attention that there was an awful lot of dog droppings on the ground. I wondered why we had been mostly walking on the road, but now I was grateful for it. “Why is there so much dog poo on the ground Agnes?” I was sure she would have an answer about what they would say about that.

“You know I really don’t know Merle, but I can tell you there seems to be more and more every time I go for a walk. Lazy dog owners just don’t pick it up or they let their dogs roam free in the morning to get it out of their system, if you know what I mean?”

“Yuk, an awful thought, and aren’t they obligated to pick it up? It’s disgusting Agnes and smelly too.”

“I don’t really know the laws, but I do think they are meant to pick it up but also should pick it up. I don’t like it one bit either. You have to be really careful where you walk.”

We chatted about the weather, people and goings on in the town until we finally arrived back at my house. I went in and decided to put the kettle on before I took off my shoes, which were not as comfortable as I had hoped they would be for the money I spent on them. I turned around to go back into the lounge room and looked down, only to see what appeared to be muddy footprints.

“Agnes!” I bellowed indignantly. “Have you traipsed mud into my house? You will be cleaning it up if you have, that’s for sure.”

“I’m still outside,” Agnes yelled back. “I’m just taking off my shoes in case I stepped in something.”

My heart sunk through my stomach as an awful, revolting smell hit my nostrils. I slowly undid my shoes right there in the kitchen, while I leaned against the benchtop for support. I removed my shoes, held my breath and then looked underneath them. Much to my relief my first shoe was clean except a couple of small stones stuck in the grooves. However, to my utter shock and revulsion, my second shoe was covered in squashed, stinky, atrocious dog poo. I dropped the shoe and almost lost my breakfast. “Agnes!” I screamed out. “Agnes come quick, but don’t come in.”

“How can I do that Merle?” exclaimed Agnes as she hurried into the house. “I am either coming in or I’m not. What on earth is wrong?”

“I have dog poo all over my shoe and now it’s all over my floor,” I replied exasperatedly. I was hot, flustered, sweating even more and feeling very nauseous.

Agnes nodded wisely. “Oh heavens, yes you always need to check your shoes, Merle. That’s what I was just doing.”

“Well, you could have told me that before you let me walk through the house,” I growled angrily as I fought back my tears.

“I just thought you would check,” replied Agnes calmly. “I mean you did notice the amount of dog droppings around so naturally I thought you would watch where you walked and then check when you got home. I thought it was the obvious thing to do.”

“Clearly, it was not and now look at my floor! And these are my brand-new runners. Oh, Agnes I am so upset right now and I never want to go walking ever again. In fact, I am quite furious and feel like making a complaint to the council.”

“That sounds like a very good idea Merle.” Agnes was obviously placating me, but I certainly needed it. “Let me come in and help you clean. We can mop the floor and I will even clean your shoes for you, then we can sit outside while the floor dries.”

Agnes did all of that for me and I thought what a kind friend she is. I am not sure I could have cleaned my shoes and would probably have thrown them in the bin, in a plastic bag.

“When the floor is dry, I will make us a nice cup of tea, Merle. Don’t let this ruin our walking from here on,” said Agnes soothingly.

“We’ll see,” I replied grumpily. Why on earth would any sane person think it is okay for their dog to poo on the ground and just leave it there? Can someone please explain? Anyone?

MELBOURNE CUP WORD SEARCH

MELBOURNE CUP WORD SEARCH

Find and circle all of the hidden words about the Melbourne Cup The names include horses, jockeys and trainers . There are no left -over letters.

Find and circle all of the hidden words about the Melbourne Cup

The names include horses, jockeys and trainers There are no left -over

DOLLIE LORD FURY SAINTLY

EMPIRE ROSE MAKYBE DIVA STAR BOY

ETHEREAL MALUA STICK

FIORENTE OBRIEN TARCOOLA

FLEMINGTON OCCULT THE QUACK

FREEDMAN OLIVER WALLER

GALILEE PATRON WINDBAG

GOLD AND BLACK PAYNE WOTAN

GOUGH PHAR LAP VIEWED

GURNERS LANE PIKE ZULU

HAYES

See page 25 for answers a. Lance Armstrong b. Neil Armstrong. c. Louis Armstrong d. Alexander Armstrong a. Phar Lap b. Kingston Rule c. Might and Power d. Comic Court a. South America b. Asia c. Europe d. Africa a. Kakadu b. Katharine c. Palmerston d. Arafura a. Emily Bronte b. Charlotte Bronte c. Jane Eyre d. Mary Shelley a. The Congo River b. The Nile River c. The Amazon River d. The Yangtse River a. 8 b. 10 c. 12 d. 14 a. Copernicus b. Kepler c. Galileo d. Ptolemy a. Austria b. Croatia c. Romania d. Bulgaria a. Pup b. Calf c. Fry d. Hatchling

1. Who was the first man on the moon?

2. Which horse has the fastest winning time in a Melbourne Cup?

3.On what continent is Zambia located?

4. When the city of Darwin was founded in 1869, it was given what name?

5. Who wrote Jane Eyre An Autobiography?

6. What is the deepest river in the world?

7. How many Melbourne Cups did Bart Cummings win?

8. Who first showed that the Earth revolves around the sun?

9. Sofia is the capital city of which country?

10. What is a baby shark called?

SERPENT’S TALE

Colours shimmering in the gliding –mountains moving, making tides.

Legends etched in clapping sticks tapping stories in a language fractured by the conquering.

Riches not of gold dust-dry scattering on the burning wind.

by Robyn Black, No Straight Lines