2 minute read
Ugly aunt self-doubt vs smokin’ aunt confidence
There she is again, knocking on the door of my mind. Ugh, why can’t she just leave me alone! Ugly Aunt Self-Doubt is always trying to visit, and she makes me feel like I can’t trust myself, even in little ways. When Smokin’ Aunt Confidence wants to visit, I welcome her with open arms. She always makes me feel good about myself and feel like I can achieve what I set out to do, even if I make mistakes.
We all struggle with this internal battle from time to time, it is part of the human condition. Whether it be about making a Thirst Trap on TikTok, standing up to a manager, or asking someone out on a date. And let’s face it, the list of reasons NOT to do the things that scare or intimidate us can be endless if we listen to it.
Confidence is built one brick at a time, layer upon layer. You can absolutely create and re-create confidence, over and over again. If you’re feeling stuck or in a lull, remind yourself that self-doubt can be moved and shifted, that it is malleable.
Here are some starter tips. What would you like to experiment with? • Avoid excuses. It’s too damn easy. • Ask yourself, to choose one thing/person/ task to commit to focussing on today. Just one small thing. That’s it. Don’t overdo it. • Focus on your desires, values and purpose.
Or at least remind yourself of what they are. Dig them out, dust them off, write them on around the house, get up close and personal with them. Make your dreams bigger than your fears. • Conversely, make a list of all the things self-doubt is holding you back from. • Don’t completely demonise self-doubt.
It has crept in from some past story or experience and still needs some time to heal. Treat it with care and curiosity rather than frustration, loathing or suppression. • Doubt your doubts. They are not the truth.
Practise challenging them. Call out your inner critic. • Praise your efforts, no matter how small. • Have a good laugh at yourself. Invite a friend who is goofy and silly like this, who doesn’t take themselves too seriously.
They will certainly help you out with this one. • Like sports (or anything you want to be better at), train daily. Practice and exercise these internal-world muscles.
Van Gogh reportedly said, “If you hear a voice within you say, ‘You cannot paint’, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”
So go ahead. Do that thing. Do the thing your self-doubt says you cannot do. See what happens.
Reach out if you need to: www.wildcalmtherapies.com.au By Jen Wiedman, Mental Health Social Worker, Wild Calm Therapies
