REWIND Summer 2014

Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage SUMMER 2014

21-DAY

FINANCIAL FAST

TAKE THE RETREAT & WRITE THE VISION FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

DISASTER

PREPAREDNESS

ARE YOUR DOCUMENTS AND FILES SAFE?

16

WAYS TO DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE Avoid These

JACKIE’S STORY a story of love, loss, and faith

911 Marriage Emergency

Reader’s Questions Answered

Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage

ISSUE 9: SUMMER 2014 PUBLISHER/EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Tamara Hundley tamara@uniqdesign.org GENERAL MANAGER Terrance Hundley ASSISTANT EDITOR LaTonya Gibson MARKETING TEAM Rosalyn Hall, Derryck Fletcher CONTRIBUTING WRITERS LaTonya Gibson, Zelma Allen, Terrance Hundley, Tamara Hundley Derryck Fletcher, Pamela Bell and Keith Barney GRAPHIC DESIGNER Tamara Hundley ILLUSTRATOR Dominic Jordon, Jr. SALES info@rewindmarriage.com

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CONTRIBUTORS

Derryck Fletcher is a radio host for Morgan State University’s (WEAA 88.9 FM) Sunday Gospel Music Show. He is a loving husband and father of three.

LaTonya Gibson is the Dean of the Redeemed International Christian College. She is an author, editor and freelance writer. Read LaTonya’s blog at latonyasreturn. blogspot.com Rosalyn Hall is the Owner and CEO of RMH Marketing, a Maryland-based Marketing Company.

Terrance & Tamara Hundley Publishers & Contributors

Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage

Editor’s Corner In this covenant called marriage, sometimes couples may find themselves in positions of neutral or reverse—with no intent to do anything about it.

If your marriage has hit this common place, remember...God is the author of, and an intricate part of the marriage covenant. He is a part of the three strand cord that cannot be broken (Eccl. 4:12). As such, He has given you the keys to put your marriage back in the drive position so that you and your spouse can fulfill His intent for your union. If you know this describes your marital relationship, take action—the keys are available in His Word!

Terrance & Tamara Hundley

Zelma Allen Financial Advisor, Columnist, and Realtor. Happily Married with three children.

Keith Barney Owner of Vision Business Services, LLC, a company offereing small business and residential technical services.

We advise anyone considering marriage to seek biblical pre-marital counseling.

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contents

SUMMER 2014

features 16

JACKIE’S STORY Jacquiline Lewis shares her story of love, loss, and faith. BY DERRYCK FLETCHER & LATONYA GIBSON

24

DISASTER PREPAREDNESS Are your documents and files safe? BY KETIH BARNEY

26

16 WAYS TO DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE Avoid these at all costs.

16

www.rewindmarriage.com 6 REWIND / Summer 2014

contents

MARCH 2011

Marriage Matters 10 / TAKE THE CHALLENGE Set a12Month Vision Plan for your marriage. How to retreat and create a plan for your marriage.

BY TAMARA HUNDLEY 12 / 911 MARRIAGE EMERGENCY—ASK MINISTER BELL Licensed Therapist, Pamela Bell, answers questions submitted by readers in our new “Ask Min. Bell” column. BY PAMELA BELL

Finance & Business 21 / 21-DAY FINANCIAL FAST Change your spending habits in 21 days. BY ZELMA ALLEN & TERRANCE HUNDLEY

also inside...

34 / “I DO” TOONS (illustration by Dominic Jordon, Jr.) & PUZZLE Relax and enjoy our cartoon and a quick puzzle. Relax, Relate, Release!

21 31

hot spot Zaytinya

BY LATONYA GIBSON

in every issue 4 / EDITOR’S NOTE

7 REWIND / Summer 2014

Zelma Allen

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Marriage Matters

HOW TO RETREAT AND CREATE A 12-MONTH VISION PLAN

by Tamara Hundley

W

ould you venture out to start a business without writing the vision for that business and creating a business plan? If you answered yes, don’t waste your time — your decision not to properly prepare and plan seals your failure. It would not be wise for anyone starting or operating a business, to do so without a clear, concise business plan developed around the company’s vision.

Therefore, if you answered no, that is not only a wise decision, but a biblically sound decision. The Bible says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18, KJV).

Likewise, having a clear vision is essential for a healthy marriage and a happy home. It is true that marriage is more than a mere business transaction, but it is a goal oriented partnership capable of achieving great success. However, that success does not happen without proper planning. Just as one would approach any great venture, couples should have a vision and a plan for their marriage.

vision a g n i p develoarriage: f o s t i f m ne The be ent for youre opportunity toarital goals, statem oth individualsh ethach other their m

it es b 1. It giv nicate clearly w the es. ir u s toward ithin the e m d k r d o n com w a s ls e lik eness w dividua likes, dis both in es unity and on t a h t s e ot ur tay 2. It ens als. This prom ples to s unit. u o o g c . e s ip w h m s sa l/family r, it allo relation ce a yeaor their maritas opportunity marital n o t s a rovide asses. s best f ited at le 3. If vis on what work annually also po much time p d o the focuse ing the vision ation before t e about the t a ic it c n is u ifi od Re-v comm hip, for ge or m nstantlytheir relations cing the o c for chan o t s le n of ws coup nd enha aspects 4. It alloe and positive the negative a negativ e of improving purpos . positive

10 REWIND / Summer 2014

How t

o

get st 1. Talk arted: a b o u togeth er overt what you b ot the ne 2. App xt 12 mh would like r e c i ate eac onths. to acco how to h mplish your m combine th other’s idea s/desir ose ide arriage e as to s .

3. Be r et coms and focus o e a l i s mon g t ic abou reach oals fon r unnec those goals. t your abili unreal essary stress Dream and ty, as a coup every 1istic goals. R on your rel aim big, but le, to trying 2 months; s emember, yationship by don’t add to acco o o s mplish don’t overwu can revise etting 4. Kee helm y y a l l p o G f od at t your g oursel our vision vision h o e a in agre ls at on ves by c ement enter of you ce.

5. Wri with H r is plan vision and b you ca te the vision u for ma This w n read it tog down and k rriage. ild the i e e l t l e h h p e e r i l t workin p a g toget both indivi t least once in a place wh duals m or her for e aintain twice a monre the ma rriage. t their f ocus o h. n

Write the vision, and make it plain...

Habakkuk 2:2

s: the Guideline ast one weekend each isyeioanr foanrd goals.

ge v at le 1. Set aside revisiting your marria purpose of ick to it. es such erary and st in it n a portant issug and t e im S t .

2 u o b a g n in ti me for talk reers, paren 3. Include ti in-laws, intimacy, ca ges for these areas . as finances, ecific goals and chan tionship/family unit more. Set spprove the marital rela other. that will im st with each e n o h d n a inded 4. Be open-m . referably sten, listen.. s a couple (p a r 5. Listen, li e th e g to me to pray 6. Include ti ing). your couple (let a s a r in the morn e th e tog me to play 7. Include tiand have fun). . hair down ake it plain stick ision and m v e th ery effort to te v ri e e k a 8. W m y, bilit nths. st of your a 9. To the ben over the next 12 mo a month. io is ce or twice n to the v o st a le t a the vision 10. Review

While writing a vision is a standard practice for business owners, pastors and leaders, an informal survey revealed it to be an uncommon practice for married couples.

However, many couples have discovered that this simple principle employed by successful churches, Fortune 500 companies and small businesses, also works for marriages. One pastor even stated that he was ashamed to admit that he never thought about planning an annual marriage retreat and planning session for he and his wife until another pastor urged him to try it. After trying it more than 10 years ago, he and his wife have continued their one-on-one marriage retreats and have reaped the benefits in their finances, parenting, intimacy, and more.

He pointed out that setting aside this special time for this specific purpose allows he and his wife to talk about issues they had avoided in the past. For instance, prior to their first retreat, they never discussed their spending habits as a couple. They were well-off and could basically purchase whatever they wanted. Consequently, his carefree spending did not negatively impact her more conservative saving-focused stance on spending. They had a sizeable savings account, but realized after deciding to set spending guidelines as a couple, their savings increased more than 25%. If they had not decided to set the vision for their finances they would have never experienced such a significant increase in their savings. As a result, they now make an assertive effort to stick to the vision/goals they have set for their marriage — even if that means denying themselves of some individual desires in order to reach the unified vision/goals for the marriage.

Before you say, “We may not have a vision, but whatever we are doing is working, so we don’t need it”, consider trying it once. You may find, as this couple did, that good can be even better if you just take a few moments to plan for it.

11 REWIND / Summer 2014

Marriage Matters

911 e g a i r r a M

Y C N E G R E EM

Minister Pamela Bell is a Licensed Therapist and owner of Serenity Counseling in Randallstown, MD. She has Counseled couples for more than10 years - Married 26 years

Ask Minister Bell

Q: My in-laws are loud and rambunctious, however, my wife is very close to them (she [my wife] could even be considered the matriarch of the family). I hate when they visit. Please help. - In-Law Blues

2. Start with a compliment. For example, “I love it when you _____

A: Dear In-law Blues, Since your wife has a close relationship with your in-laws, it is in the best interest of your marriage to let go of your judgment of her family. If you continue to hate their visits, you will bring negative energy to your marriage. Negativity towards your in-laws will drive a wedge between you and your wife because she loves them. You married into a family that has a communication style that is different from yours. You cannot change them, so ask God to help you appreciate the good things your in-laws bring to your life. Then sit down with your wife and set guidelines for entertaining family and friends. The two of you should decide if family members can consume alcohol while in your home (alcohol consumption tends to make people talk louder). Also, decide on the length of time you will entertain visitors. Shorter visits may help you to appreciate your in-laws a little more. Lastly, set the atmosphere in your household before they get there. Reduce background noise, so that no one feels that they have to talk loud in order to be heard. Turn off the TV. Play smooth instrumental music to set the tone of your household. Light scented candles and clear away clutter. Check your attitude and speak to them in a normal relaxed voice. It is important that you model the way that you want others to behave in your home. People are more likely to tone it down when they enter a peaceful, welcoming setting. I hope this helps.

been thinking about trying_____ what do you think?” “Tell me your sexiest fantasy?” Or “what would you do if I did______ to you?

Q: I am saved and I waited until marriage to have sex. We have been married for two years and we are truly enjoying the experience of being married, but now I feel that we need to add some spice to our sex life. How should I approach my husband with this? - Wanting More A: Dear Wanting More, A healthy sex life requires healthy communication. It is difficult for some couples to talk about improving their sex life without someone becoming defensive because the topic is usually presented out of frustration. If you want to take your sex life to the next level, it is important that you explain and not complain. Try these 3 easy tips.

1. Timing is important. Make sure that you start the discussion when you are both relaxed and not in the middle of a conflict.

12 REWIND / Summer 2014

while we are making love.”

3. Ask open-ended questions. “What’s your favorite position?” “I’ve

Remember, the best sex requires mutual agreement. Good communication is the key to good sex. Enjoy!

Q: My husband and I have a good marital relationship, but we seem to be losing our emotional connection. I used to be able to talk to him about anything, but now it seems like a disconnect. I talked to him about it, but he says he doesn’t feel it; however, I know what I feel.

Should I leave it alone and just feel the way I feel or address it again?

- disconnected A: Dear disconnected, First of all, you should be commended for trusting your intuition. It sounds like you are tuned into your marriage and you want the best for both of you. As a marriage counselor, I find that many people neglect the health of their marriage. They ignore the small changes in their marriage, with the hopes that time will make everything better. Eventually, these couples find themselves in a major marriage crisis because time does not heal. In fact, time can make a mountain out of a little molehill.

Even healthy marriages go through various stages and phases. It is impossible for a couple to journey through life together, without experiencing bumps and bruises along the way. Therefore, it is very important to do regular check- ups in order to keep your marriage healthy. Talk with your husband about your journey. Did you experience any recent losses or disappointments? What kind of stress are both of you under? For a more thorough check up, set up an appointment with your pastor or a marriage counselor. A trained professional can help you to identify hidden resentments and heal your marriage from unresolved conflicts.

Submit your questions to info@rewindmarriage.com

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PRAYER WORKS! Make it an integral part of your marriage

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Lessons from the Armor The first in a series of work books designed to aid in the practical appilcation of lessons from scripture

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A few Scriptures to build your prayers upon Ephesians 4:15, 25, 32 Jeremiah 32:17 2 Corinthians 12:9 1 Corinthians 13:5, 8 Matthew 18:20-21; 22:37-40; 5:7 Proverbs 3:9-10; 17:17; 5:18 Hebrews 10:25

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Marriage Matters

Jackie’sStory

FINDING SOLACE—WHEN SICKNESS AND EVEN DEATH INTERRUPTS YOUR MARRIAGE

by LaTonya Gibson & Derryck Fletcher

Jackie Lewis at the WALK FOR BLADDER CANCER Baltimore, MD

Victor Lewis

16 REWIND / Summer 2014

“That was our journey for about three and a half years: Chemo, Remission, Radiation, Remission, and so on and so forth.” This is a telling moment in Derryck Fletcher’s interview with Jacqueline Lewis. She is the widow of Victor Lewis, her husband of 17 years who lost a battle against bladder cancer on July 11, 2013. This battle began on their son Rodney’s birthday, July 8, 2008.

On that day they received Victor’s diagnosis: Stage 4 Bladder Cancer. Everything about their life changed in a moment.

Jacqueline will be the first to admit that prior to Victor’s diagnosis their marriage wasn’t perfect. In fact their marriage went through a real test in 2005 when they separated for 9 months. Victor moved in with his mother while Jacqueline remained in their marital home. Jacqueline says, “When I look back in retrospect I would have never separated. The challenges that we faced in 2005 compared to what we faced in 2008 were not worth the separation.”

And what was the major cause? What was this separation all about? Money. “I tell couples ‘don’t fuss about money,’” proclaims Jacqueline. “That was our issue. We would argue about money. I wanted to be right and I was going to be right. I was very opinionated and if I could take those things back . . . if I could REWIND I would do a whole lot differently. I wish I could redo.”

Those words came out with a force that makes one realize just how important it is to keep the things we deal with in marriage in the right perspective.

Jacqueline and Victor made it through that storm because their love for one another was always strong. The separation made that crystal clear. Jacqueline says that during the separation they did everything together.

The realization that their friendship was still intact caused them to come back together in a marriage that was stronger than ever.

Theirs was a strength that would be tested and found to be true in just three short years. Little did they know how important that strength would be.

On a visit to the doctor to treat what was thought to be a urinary tract infection, Jacqueline was informed that her husband had cancer. “What? They said it was a urinary tract infection.” She remembers saying to the doctor. He rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort her, but Jacqueline could no longer remain seated.

She remembers running to the bathroom and crying out to God, “I asked you not to allow his vital organs to be affected. I asked you to keep him, but he turns around and has cancer. Lord, please heal my husband.”

Jacqueline’s prayer may seem strange at the onset, but it’s because some facts have been omitted. Victor was a casual drinker and a smoker. This wasn’t the first time Jacqueline had called on God about the health of her husband. She’d been praying for years.

When Jacqueline returned to the waiting room the doctor continued. Some of what the doctor said is a blur, but she clearly remembers him saying, “Do not share this

Marriage Matters

Participants of the WALK FOR BLADDER CANCER held at Lake Montebello in Baltimore, MD­—May 2014 information with your husband. I’m going to call you back in two weeks. Then we’re going to sit down and talk about a plan.” She describes those two weeks as hellacious and horrible. She wanted to tell him, but she knew she couldn’t. When Victor asked her what the doctor shared with her.

All she could say was “Everything is going to be ok.” It was as much of the truth as she could offer.

Once Victor received the diagnosis something amazing took place in both of their hearts.

Jacqueline, already a devout Christian, found herself praying more. “I was thirty-something years old and my husband had cancer. What was I going to do? It made me cry out to the Lord harder. It made me pray more. It made me fast more. As a result I never got bitter. I never doubted God. I learned to trust Him through it all.”

Victor’s heart changed too. He stopped drinking and smoking. Before his illness he would occasionally come to church with Jacqueline, but through this he found his own relationship with God. His increased knowledge of God prompted him to start a Bible study at his job. “It made him turn his face to the wall.

It made him cry out. It made him have more conversations with the Lord,” Jacqueline says.

However, be clear that this wasn’t some death bed conversion this was real. Jacqueline recounts a time when Victor’s mom, a Jehovah’s Witness, came to stay with him while Jacqueline took her daughter, Victoria, on a mini vacation to Ohio to celebrate Victoria’s birthday. Having his mother

stay with him was a bold step because Victor and his mother did not always see eye to eye. In fact, his mother would often simply refer to Victor as “mean”. His mother only seemed to see him through the eyes of his past.

When Jacqueline left, she remembers praying, “God, touch her heart that she might really understand his change and talk to her son instead of living in the past.” With that prayer she went up the road with her daughter and a few friends for three days. She remembers calling to tell everyone she was on her way home and being told to hurry because Victor was not doing well. When she arrived her mother-in-law had Victor prepared to go to the hospital. Jacqueline recalls the date as June 17, 2013. She also recalls her mother-in-law saying to her, “I’ve witnessed a miracle before my own eyes. Victor’s spirit is so beautiful.” The change that took place in Victor was real and it affected everyone around him.

Jacqueline says, “Before cancer Victor went to church. After Cancer, Victor developed a relationship with God. That relationship brought calm into his life. He had peace. Even when he was in the hospital there was an unreal peace.

This is what upsets me when I hear myself ask God ‘Why?’ I’ve literally seen God’s peace.”

Asking God, “Why?” is a new experience for Jacqueline who has kept herself busy since Victor’s passing. She is an active advocate through a foundation called Bladder Cancer Advocacy Network. Through this foundation

she has testified on Capitol Hill about the importance of screening for bladder cancer and she and daughter Victoria have organized walks to benefit cancer research at Sinai Hospital. She has felt an urge to tell people, to warn people to be connected, to make donations, to do anything she can. However, things are slowing down. It’s the summer and she is not working. She has had time to be alone with her thoughts and suddenly, she has found herself asking “Why?” Jacqueline says, “The last two weeks have been pure hell. I couldn’t understand why He took MY husband. I’m 44 years old and a widow. Why did God feel the need to take MY husband? I have girlfriends who cheat on their husbands.

I have girlfriends who don’t care about their husbands, but me and my husband literally loved one another.” Then she remembers how Victor’s life changed, the miracle that caused his mother to believe, and the peace she saw. For a moment it all makes sense. God’s silence reminds her that He is God. “I don’t want the question answered,” Jacqueline says, “I’m just being true to my feelings and that, somehow, is enough. I don’t need an answer. God did exactly what I asked Him to do. He healed him. In his sickness he became the type of man I’d always prayed for.

He became the minister, the priest of our home.

I believe our marriage was not about us. It was about him and his salvation” Now she just wishes she had more time. “We spent real quality time together, but I wish I had

17 REWIND / Summer 2014

Jackie’s Story cont... from page 17 more time,” Jacqueline says. There is a whole list of wishes she has. “I find myself thinking, God I wish I didn’t have that argument with him. God I wish I would have called when he told me to call him. He would call while I was at work and I would say ‘What do you want.

I’m at work.’ I wish I would have never rushed him off the phone. I wish I never walked out of the house thinking, ‘He just gets on my nerves.’

I wish I would have hugged him more. I wish I would have said ‘I love you’ more. That time I was in a rush and ran out of the house without giving him a kiss, I wish I would have simply taken the time to give him a kiss.”

What advice does she offer other couples?

Love a little harder, argue a little less and just be there. You’ll have your issues, but they’re usually not worth the argument.

What advice do you give to those who have sick spouses?

Don’t argue with them. We don’t know their pain or their process – especially if they are not talkers. There may be days they don’t want to take their meds or they don’t want to talk to the doctor. Do not argue with them. Simply stick beside them. Hang in there with them. Hold their hands through it. Love on them more.

Talk to them more. Ask them questions about the children. Ask, ‘What do you want me to say to the children if you leave?’

What advice do you give someone who has lost a spouse?

It gets better. There will be an emotional rollercoaster. Get counseling. Talk to someone and recognize your feelings, understand your feelings and emotions. Understand the stages of grief. Without that understanding you’ll feel like you’re losing your mind. It gets better, but you have to be true to your feelings and emotions. Talk about it. Know how things are affecting you. Know what’s holding you back.

For me it was Victor’s clothes. I needed to give them away. If that is your truth, consider giving your spouse’s clothes away in a way that honors your loved one. Do nothing hastily, but with honor.

How can others be more supportive to those who are caregivers?

Those who are caregivers have to reach out. As a result, the calls and visits were helpful and I was grateful for them.

18 REWIND / Summer 2014

How do you see life in the next few years?

I want to get married again, but I am definitely not ready for marriage or even ready to date.

Men who have tried to talk to me already are crazy. I stay focused on education and my children. I go out, but I don’t date. I don’t want to do that.

2008 was the year Victor was diagnosed. It is also the year Jacqueline began pursuing her bachelor of social work degree. She’d just begun graduate school when he passed. All of my papers were on bladder cancer for my social work degree. He was my biggest cheerleader and through his illness he became her motivation. Bladder Cancer became the topic of all of her papers. Her research also revealed that Bladder cancer is the 6th leading cause for death. It is not often tested for and most often is misdiagnosed as diabetes, prostate issues or as a urinary tract infection. Consequently, most are not diagnosed with the illness until it reaches stage 4.

For more information, to

“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”

Fawn Weaver

Donate or support log onto to

www.bcan.org Click “get involved” and “find a walk.” Under Maryland locate the link to Victor Lewis Baltimore Walk.

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

Robert Quillen

Marriage Matters

19 REWIND / Spring 2014

Finance cont. from pg. 19

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20 REWIND / December 2013

FINANCIAL FAST Take The Challenge!

by Zelma Allen / Contributor: Terrance Hundley

I

f many of us would be honest when it comes to our spending habits we would realize that we are not doing as well as we could. Many of us are spending money we don’t have and have no idea what we spent it on. Poor spending habits result from a number of factors and can imprison us to a lifestyle that will not be conducive or beneficial to the financial freedom God intended for us to have.

If you want to get out of a financial mess God’s way, I challenge you to go on a 21-Day Financial Fast. A 21-Day Financial Fast is a fast that requires you to not use your credit cards or do any unnecessary shopping for 21 days. It includes a vow of freedom from money problems and an acknowledgment of your dependence on God. Participating in such a fast will help you grow spiritually and further your desire to give freely.

Think of this 21-day fast as the money equivalent of a fatbusting juice cleanse. This fast is meant to shock you out of your financial rut and put you on a path to better spending habits that will last forever. Sunday is a good day to start your 21-Day Financial Fast. Use the weekends to tackle long-range goals, and complete doable satisfying challenges on the weekdays. At the end of the 21 days, you should have a solid budget, way less money stress, and money to put in your savings account or the reduction of bill balances. Like any cleanse, you will see results and if

you don’t, it will be because you did not follow the program.

Consider taking this PLEDGE: During the next twenty-one days, I will be on a spending diet. I will not shop for anything except necessities. I will not use my credit card. I will limit or eliminate the use of my debit card. I will use cash for purchases I make during the fast. I will work hard to break the chains that keep me from achieving financial freedom.

All of us need to be set free from the bondage of bad spending habits that hold our lives captive. Read this scripture every day: Is not this the fast that I have chosen? To loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Isaiah 58:6 KJV For those use to spending freely, this 21-day fast is not going to be easy. It will take a lot of discipline as it forces you to turn your focus away from the things of the world (such as unnecessary spending and credit usage) and reach out to God. It is also about self-denial. For many who are in financial ruin, pursuing wants and desires have caused significant financial pain. This fast is definitely for all who are at their wits end, living from paycheck to paycheck, and unable meet day to day responsibilities.

The 21-day fast is a perfectly reasonable period of time to cut back on your wants and focus only on your needs. If you shorten this fast time, you may not really absorb the benefits of this fast

21 REWIND / Summer 2014

Finance 21-Day Financial Fast cont...

and the transformative effects it can have on your financial habits.

LISTED BELOW ARE THE ITEMS YOU CAN BUY AND THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO: List of items you can buy on the 21Day Financial Fast: 1. Necessary items such as food and medications.

2. Necessary personal hygiene items.

3. Necessary items for the family, such as school supplies.

4. Necessary items for your home, such as cleaning products. This does not include buying new linen, window treatments, kitchen items and furniture unless the old ones are completely worn out or broken.

5. Clothing items that would be required for your job such as work shoes, or work clothes (do not purchase new clothing because you think you need a new outfit that is a no, no).

6. Brown bag your lunch and abstain from buying your lunch out. Get into the brown bag habit and you will be less compelled to eat out every day 7. Do your own hair and nails List of what you should not do while you are on the 21-day financial fast: 1. You and your children should not go to the mall or hang out there. Encourage your spouse to participate in the fast and ask him/her to avoid the mall too.

2. No window shopping. One of the reasons for this fast is to stop using shopping as a form of entertainment.

3. No online shopping. Avoid browsing through retail catalogs. Put them away for the twenty-one day fast so they will not tempt you.

4. Do not buy meals outside (restaurants).

5. Do not go to the movies, plays, shows or spend money on entertainment.

6. Do not use your credit cards, but use cash instead. The importance of this fast is to become connected with your cash. You will be more conscious of the spending process when you actually pay in cash.

7. If a holiday falls within the 21 day fast (i.e. Valentine’s Day) you should not buy anything.

22 REWIND / Summer 2014

Consider this list of additional PLEDGES. Read them while you are on the 21-Day Financial Fast as a type of daily confession/devotional: 1. Before I can find the key to wealth, I must understand that prosperity comes with conditions, and I must follow God’s will and Word for my life. Read Deuteronomy 8:18.

2. I will commit to tithing or recommit to continue to tithe. Read Proverbs 3:9-10.

3. I will not complain about what I do not have. Read 1Timothy 6:6-8.

4. I will develop a budget for every penny that God blesses me to have. Read Proverbs 13:18.

5. I will set aside a certain amount of every paycheck to put into my savings account.

Read Proverbs 21:5.

6. My spouse and I will work together to develop a set of rules for how we will handle our money. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 7. I will teach my children what it means to be good stewards over God’s money. Read Proverbs 13:22.

8. I will look at everything that I own so that I can guard against wanting more. I will make sure I am not pulled into things that will cause me to have greed in my life.

9. I will look at my finances and decide to stop stressing about it. My prayers are that God will bring me peace in that area. Read Job 22:21.

10. I will stop complaining about not having enough money because God has so richly blessed me. Read Proverbs 10:22.

11. I will make a proclamation, acknowledging that everything I have belongs to God. Read Luke 16:10-11.

KEYS TO REMEMBER: •

While you are making these financial sacrifices, please take a moment to reflect on all that God has blessed you with and learn to be content with what you have.

•

Don’t complain about what you cannot buy during the 21-Day Financial Fast, but be thankful for all the things that God has already blessed you to possess.

•

Fasting should be a time of prayer to seek God’s will and his direction in your life. Therefore; engage with God as much as possible throughout your 21-Day Financial Fast. This will make

prayer the cornerstone of all your decisions.

•

The 21-Day Financial Fast is your declaration of freedom from money problems and acknowledgement of your dependence on God. The 21Day Financial Fast will help you grow spiritually, trust God and further your desire to give freely.

•

When you complete the 21-Day Financial Fast, celebrate your achievement. Do not over spend, but treat yourself to a small gift. Deposit the rest of your money into a savings account, or use the extra money to pay off a bill. The true celebration of the fast is in taking advantage of the fast’s benefits.

•

The 21-Day Financial Fast may sound extreme to you, but it is surprisingly doable. Understanding the rules and incorporating the guidelines makes it possible to go cold turkey and see seriously amazing results. The fast is not a cure all solution for out of control spending, but it can be a step in the right direction. It can set you on a path toward better financial responsibility.

I will leave you with this verse to guide your financial fast:

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

Hebrews 13:5 KJV

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PREPAREDNESS: Are your Documents and Files safe?

Are you prepared for a disaster? Recent world-wide natural disasters that have left people homeless, unemployed and scrambling to recover make assessing disaster preparedness essential.

M

ost people don’t give much thought to safeguarding documentation as they devise disaster plans. Sadly, this increases the possibility of losing everything! When homes or businesses are destroyed, rebuilding is possible especially with insurance. However, if important documents are destroyed (identification, diplomas, degrees, marriage and other licenses) how do you prove who you are or where you live(d)? How do you prove your loss of assets if you can’t produce documentation to verify ownership of those assets?

DOCUMENT ARCHIVING

Consider document archiving. Document archiving consists of creating digital copies of your documents and implementing a comprehensive digital back-up plan.

This could save you a lot of headache and heartache in the event of a disaster. Create high resolution scans of all your important documents and memorable (paper) photos.

24 REWIND / Summer 2014

Save your important files on multiple types of digital media (DVD, CD, flash drive) and on your computer to have a solid backup. Then store the digital media in a safe place (cool, dry and out of the way) in your home. Most people don’t give much thought to backing-up their data and, of those that do, most will make a back-up to one “location”. They will back-up their data to a disc, their home computer or external hard drive, but rarely in multiple places. Now, if your computer is lost or if your hard drive dies you can retrieve the same data from your separate digital media forms. Redundancy is key!

Further, you want your digital documents and files saved in more than one locality. If your originals, computer, discs or external hard drives are destroyed by some natural disaster, it is likely that they will all be destroyed or damaged at the same time. Security issues and unauthorized access makes storing data backup media outside of your home

seem impractical, but if the whole house is destroyed, your data and the backups will be as well.

A good data back-up plan also includes having files saved on a medium that is not in the same place (physically) as the primary back-up. Online data storage is a great place to back-up your data files. Online storage is very affordable and is the perfect solution for off-site data storage needs. Good offsite data storage accounts offer high-level encryption to secure your data from hackers.

Along with your online storage account password, data transfer encryption and data storage encryption of your files, your data is protected with three levels of security. You can rest easy and be confident that your data is safely stored in an online vault.

Online storage also affords you the ability to access your documents from anywhere in the world with internet access. Files can be retrieved via any internet capable device. This is a huge plus when considering disaster recovery. In the unfortunate event of mandatory evacuations such as those experienced because of hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, the California wildfires, or the Colorado mudslides, important documents are still easily accessible.

I suggest that, even if you forgo creating multiple backups on different media, at the very least, you get an online data backup and storage account. The online data backup and storage account will give you some data redundancy and it is off-site (outside of your home) so it will be preserved in the event that your home is destroyed or you are forced to leave. When evaluating online backup accounts consider these things:

Amount of storage space required

Rewind Feature

I advise clients to get at least a hard drive, worth of space (at least 300 gigabytes of space). This allows you to freely back up your files and provides enough space to backup and store pictures, documents, music and videos.

Auto backup features

This is important because most of us don’t remember to perform backup tasks just as we often forget to update and run our antivirus programs. Automated backups are worry free.

Security

It is very important to keep your files safe during transferring and storage. You want to be sure your online backup service provides account access security (your password) and strong data encryption.

Number of computers to be backed up You want an account that can accommodate multiple computers.

Mobile Device access

Many services provide secure apps that allow you to access your stored file with your mobile device.

There are several online data storage companies that can provide you with great online backup solutions. I refer many of my clients to iDrive (http://bit.ly/idrivestorage) because they meet all the basic requirements and they have great pricing.

They even offer a free account (limited to 5 gigabytes of space and limited features).

In disasters, you can lose everything!

Being prepared is the best way to avoid the loss of your important documents and files. Create a comprehensive data backup plan and be sure it includes an online or cloud-based backup component. You need redundancy to increase the odds that your data can survive a catastrophe.

You can then be more confident that if the originals are destroyed you still have your digital back-up. Preserving, storing and having access to your important documents, images, music and videos gives you a huge advantage if disaster strikes by increasing your ability to restore your life quickly.

for more information contact Keith Barney, Owner, Visions Business Services, LLC kbarney@visionsbiz-online.com www.visionsbiz-online.com 25 REWIND / December 2013 25 REWIND / Summer 2014

Convince your spouse that your children are far more important to you than he (she) is.

Be consistently lazy and refuse to do much around the house or on your job.

Spend money foolishly and continually run up great debt.

WAYS

TO DESTROY YOUR

MARRIAGE! AVOID THESE AT ALL COSTS!

Stop communicating openly and honestly.

Refuse to forgive your spouse of any offense, no matter how small.

Be consistently angry, selfish, rude, and abusive.

Stay depressed and negative as much as possible.

26 REWIND / Summer 2014

Give place to addictions or annoying habits and defend your right to have them.

Don’t care about what your spouse needs sexually as long as you get what you want.

Habitually look at explicit films, magazines, or advertising and compare your husband (wife) to the glorified images you see there, and expecially mention others whom you find attractive.

Allow your heart to grow hard toward your husband (wife) and refuse to ever say “I’m sorry,” “Forgive me,” or “I forgive you.”

find more powerful tools for your marriage in this book

Make something other than God and your spouse your top priority.

Threaten to get a divorce every time something comes up between you and your spouse that needs to be worked out.

Have an affair or entertain an obesession of the heart over someone other than your husband (wife).

Move out of the home and don’t try to reconcile your differences.

Give up and refuse to believe that God is a God of miracles who can restore love and hope.

Taken from The Power of Prayer™ to Change Your Marriage. Copyright © 2007 by Stormie Omartian. Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon. www. harvesthousepublishers.com. Used by Permission.

The Power of Prayer To Change Your Marriage cover image: ©Yuri Arcurs

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t o p S t Ho E

njoying an evening at dinner should be about more than merely fulfilling some weekly date night quota. It should be about reconnecting and sharing an experience.

I can think of no place better to have a shared experience than Zaytinya. Zaytinya is part of a conglomerate of restaurants created by José Andrés and his Think Food Group. This company and its leader are passionate about food. In fact, the cover of Zatinya’s menu quotes José Andrés as saying, “Food is about making an interaction with ingredients. If you talk to them, they will always tell you a story.” Head Chef Michael Costas has definitely mastered the language of ingredients.

A restaurant that specializes in Turkish, Greek and Lebanese food, Zatinya sits in the heart of Chinatown on the corner of 9th and G streets in the North West sector of Washington, DC. Floor to ceiling windows bring outside in, making the beauty and energy of the city as much a part of the experience as the food. Once seated, it is difficult not to notice the simplistic design and décor of the restaurant. It is a simplicity that will soon be balanced by the complicated variations of tastes and flavors a visit to Zaytinya guarantees.

Zaytinya’s menu is mezze focused. These small plates remove the intimidation factor for those unfamiliar with Mediterranean food. Additionally, the menu provides great descriptions empowering those unfamiliar with terms such as Kolokithokedtedes with the knowledge that they are ordering zucchini and cheese patties with a caperyogurt sauce. And while we are mentioning sauces, let me say I had my reservations about yogurt sauces. Whatever

701 9th Street NW Washington, DC 20011 Corner of 9th & G Streets

202.638.0800 http://www.zaytinya.com

reservations I had melted away the minute I experienced Zaytinya’s. A garlic yogurt sauce was applied to a food I hate and its application turned it into a dish I love – brussels sprouts. Determined to try something new one of the few mezze I ordered was the Crispy Brussels Afelia.

This dish consisted of brussels sprouts, coriander seed, barberries and garlic yogurt. With hesitation I lifted it to my lips and with great delight enjoyed every moment of it from the texture to the flavor.

As you would expect from an establishment of this caliber, the wait staff was impeccable – as was the hot bread they ensured was at our table continually. The bread was a perfect complement to the other dishes and, in many cases, used as a tasty utensil. Capitalizing on the small plate concept, I had the privilege of enjoying several dishes that night. Those dishes included the aforementioned Crispy Brussels Afelia, Grape-Leaves Dolmades, Spanakopita, Seared Skuna Bay Salmon, Garides Me Anitho, Sea Scallops, Lamb Bahar, and Shish Tauok. Because food is served as it is prepared, it often felt like food was continually coming. This is a great concept with small plates. There is never an overwhelming number of plates on the table and there is always some new flavor arriving. I found myself becoming eager about what I may taste next.

This anticipation became my table’s topic of conversation and consequently elevated a dinner into a shared experience we’ll be talking about for some time.

by LaTonya Gibson

HOURS Sun, Mon: 11:30-10 Tuesday-Thursday: 11:30-11:00 Friday, Saturday: 11:30-12:00 31 REWIND /

Summer 2014

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33 REWIND / December 2013

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Proverbs 12:15 Marriage Counseling is nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, be proud that you care enough about your marriage to seek help!

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