4 minute read
LOVE ME, LOVE ME NOT
from TAG 2021
by Jason Hollis
WHEN YOU'VE BEEN CRUSHED BY YOUR CRUSH
You would stare constantly in class and write love letters doomed to be undelivered, all because you were so madly in love. Sometimes your feelings were reciprocated but when they weren’t, do you remember the heart-wrenching pain of unrequited love?
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Love is an extreme emotion: few other feelings have the same effect as love does. It’s the most wonderful feeling to have… if (and that’s the biggest ‘if’ you will ever encounter, we promise you that) your love is appreciated and you are loved in return. However, if your love is not welcomed then it can be just like a stab to the heart.
UNREQUITED LOVE – FROM BOTH VIEWPOINTS
When your feelings are rejected it can be devastating because you’ve been daydreaming about the person for hours and now your fantasies have been rudely interrupted by reality.
When love is not returned at the beginning of a potential relationship, it can be a hard blow to deal with. You can spiral into a period of depression and suddenly feel like you’ll never find anyone who is going to love you. It’s really messy at times. You’re anxious and you find yourself hoping day and night for the tiniest sign that maybe the person of your obsession does love you back. So, after looking so hard for a sign that will make you happy, your worst fears are confirmed and they don’t love you back, you will feel absolutely devastated.
One student Tag asked said “You should distance yourself from the situation, because if you don’t distance yourself you are just putting yourself through a lot of mental torture.”
WHEN YOU’RE THE FOCUS OF UNWANTED ATTENTION
If, on the other hand you’re the one who has become the subject of someone’s intense feelings but find you’re not interested in that person you need to tactfully manage their expectations.
First, you need to anticipate the potential fallout of whatever their reaction is going to be. Make sure you are not cold or mean about your lack of interest in them.
Remember that we’re talking about love, and it can send people off the deep end. Put yourself in their shoes: what would it be like to be turned down by the person you loved? Awful, right? There are no two ways about it.
So, if you find yourself not interested in someone who is so very obviously interested in you, be careful to consider their feelings and let them down as gently as possible.
everybody. Even those people you might consider ‘perfect’. It is no one’s decision who they love because believe us, if we had a choice on who we could love, life would just be too easy – and where’s the fun in that?
DEALING WITH UNREQUITED LOVE
WHY DOES IT HURT SO BADLY?
Nothing stings quite like the realisation that the words, “I love you” aren’t being returned by the person that you told that you love. Not only are you dying inside because you fear that you have completely embarrassed yourself, but you have yet to realise that you have also just ruined your friendship. In a perfect world, your declaration of love would be returned, and you’d live happily ever after, but in the real world, saying “I love you” and not hearing it back is a killer. There’s only one thing you can do when it hurts so bad, and that is to…
DEAL WITH THE POTENTIAL LOSS OF FRIENDSHIP
Reconcile that you may have lost a friend, in addition to the possibility of love. Even if your love is returned, your friendship and relationship will be forever tainted by the awkward experience. In this instance, love has not been reciprocated, and you need to accept the hard truth of having lost a friendship. This will bring with it a whole new world of pain. You will need to mourn the loss of a friend while dealing with the potentially embarrassing fallout of having declared your love to someone who does not love you back. Unfortunately, the only answer to this is time. It will take a lot of time for things to roll out. Right now, you’ll need to remind yourself that you were never in the wrong for expressing your feelings. It’s not wrong to say what you feel!
ACCEPTANCE IS THE PATH TO RECOVERY
The first thing you need to do is recognise the emotions you’re feeling. There’s really no alternative since you will never be able to escape it until you deal with it. Rejection hurts and denying that you’ve been hurt will only prolong and intensify your emotional pain. Research shows that we feel an emotional wound in the same way as a physical injury. Emotional pain activates the same part of your brain as physical pain.
UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Most of us will have been there. Pretty much everyone will have suffered from unrequited love and everyone will have been rejected at some point.There will be two things causing you emotional pain: the fact that you feel so heartbroken and the fact that you feel ashamed. You feel like there’s something wrong with you because the feelings aren’t returned. Selfdoubt creeps in.
What you have to realise is this that it happens to
TALK IT OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS YOUR PERSPECTIVE
When you’ve had your heart smashed into little pieces, the last thing you need someone telling you how stupid you were for liking that person and that you should now look for someone else. Even if what they’re saying makes sense and is reasonable, this conversatiion is better for another day.
