CULTURE COLLISION

LEADING A DOUBLE LIFE

We all know what it’s like to live in a family: some are liberal and relaxed, some are a bit strict, but sadly some are what can only be described as authoritarian. Some of us are living in a very strict culture which causes conflicts with our friends and families. This puts a lot of pressure on children as young as eight to conform physically and mentally to cultural expectations. Tag ‘21 explores some of the issues we are dealing with regarding having strict parents: what we hide and how we cope.

We have been speaking to students affected by this issue and found that many find it difficult to separate culture and religion, which can also have a big impact on day-to-day life as a student. This is because many students have to be wary of their choices and how they act or dress around others. Anina Ri told Tag ‘21, “I had to look smart and well-mannered [at events]. I couldn’t be too noisy or dance too much in case I made others feel unwanted. It always seemed that I was the one who was unwanted at my own birthday party.”

Being brought up in a western country and having to abide by religious and cultural rules can be difficult as many of us inhabit a western culture too. This may make it hard to balance the western side of one’s daily life (without disobeying parents and upsetting them) with trying to enjoy a young teenage life. It’s a difficult one to crack and this is where lying and a sense of guilt can come in. “I feel guilty about lying to them just to live the life I want. I feel like I have two lives” Riba Begum (20) from London told us (not her real name). This could be related to the desire to be able to be honest with family with all aspects of life. We all want to know that our family is there for us no matter what. But as a teen, there is always a constant fear of messing up, “[There are] a lot of expectations on me to make them happy and to keep the community happy” Riba said. While focusing on keeping your parents happy there is always the constant thought of what the community will say or think about you. This can almost make us feel as if we must choose family or friends, yet no one should have to worry about this at a young age. “When they don’t like my friends, they tell me to choose” Riba adds.

As young adults we are already going through many complex emotions by ourselves, yet we have so much to learn on our own when strict parents do not teach us some of the most important lessons in life. “I am the only one who can get me through what I am going through” Anina Ri told Tag ‘21. This extra burden can give rise to a negative impact on children’s mental health, including depression, social anxiety and being raised as an introvert who struggles to socialise with new people. 7% of teenagers run away from their homes every year although 70% came back home within 24 hours which could show how overwhelming it is to be young at times.

"I HAVE ALWAYS FELT GUILTY TO BE A KID"

place, but their mind isn’t.” However, being brought up in such a strict way can make us headstrong independent people who hold a strong and unconditional love for our parents. Riba recognises, “We grew up differently in different countries with different traditions and mindsets.”

This shows a great understanding of generational differences. We need to understand that our parents should be learning too; how they were brought up was very different to life now. It can be harder to understand different times and environments, especially when someone has grown up in a different country.

Anina reflected on being told by a parent, “If you have emotions and you show them, people will use it against you. Emotions = weakness”. Making someone feel like they are unable to share feelings and that being upset is wrong is in itself wrong, unnatural and immoral in some sense. The parent thinks they are protecting the child, but instead they are slowly making them a stranger to the world and clueless of the big problems and issues that they will have to face and learn on their own. “Growing up in England didn’t give me the same life as my peers” TedEx Talker Jasvinda Sanghera said. This is because their relationship with their parents is toxic and it is hard for them to share feelings with their families. “My honour is their shame” Jasvinda Sanghera said, as part of her talk raising awareness about forced marriage.

Although many go through a hard time, it should be appreciated that generally parents want what is best for us, just sometimes go about it in the wrong way. At the same time, like all teens we can find it difficult to communicate with our parents. Riba understood, “their heart is in the right

Shazzida Siddika Design: Curtis Kenwright

HELPLINES AND WEBSITES THAT ARE HELPFUL AND REASSURING:

www.childline.org.uk/ 0800 1111 karmanirvana.org.uk runawayhelpline.org.uk/advice/freedombeing-controlled-and-restricted/ teenissues.co.uk/copingwithstrictparents. html

youtube.com/watch?v=0_ W0HFy9Et4&feature=youtu.be