T8N February 2018

February 2018 t8nmagazine.com

Tips for Having the Sex Talk…

With Your Parents!

Valentine’s Day Then & Now

HPV Vaccinations Cancer Prevention Is Here

Snackers Love Crackers Hello, Yummy Valentine!

Discover the World of Jewellery Design

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February 2018

Contents CONVERSATIONS 6 Big Shot

HPV vaccinations Cancer prevention is here

ARTS & CULTURE 9 All that Glitters Emotion and celebration meet jewellery design

12 Then & Now Valentine’s Day Then & Now 13 In the Spotlight

Mindfulness

Getting grounded in reality

The 8s Making It Work Tips for co-parenting

14

LIVING 15 FOOD & GATHERINGS

Snackers Love Crackers Hello, Yummy Valentine!

19 TRULY DEEPLY MADLY

May We Suggest…

Having the Sex Talk …

With Your Parents!

Tips for making the awkward less awkward

CITY 21 COMMUNITY CALENDAR 22 MEET YOU THERE

Good Earth Coffeehouse Coffee fuelling community and relationships

TRENDING 24 Revenge Porn (n.)

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When betrayal goes viral

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T8N February 2018

3

From the Editor

T8N MAGAZINE

VOLUME 5 ISSUE 2 February 2018

RELATIONSHIPS. As a delightfully charming person

in my life likes to say, “A relationship is like a fart.

If you have to force it, it’s probably sh*t.” Did I say charming? Perhaps I meant unapologetically blunt.

And kind of annoying… My point, however, is that forcing something—especially a relationship— won’t always yield the results you wanted. But that doesn’t mean good relationships don’t require work—they do. Much of which involves listening CARMEN D. HRYNCHUK (when you don’t want to), learning (when you’re EDITOR-IN-CHIEF afraid of what you’ll find) and getting comfortable with uncomfortable honesty. Fun! Well, maybe not. But worth it? Almost always. Welcome to our Relationships issue.

Money, food, fear, sex, information, health—we have relationships with all of them. And speaking of the last four, this month’s feature article explores the misinformation about and discomfort around the topic of HPV vaccinations. From there, we tiptoe toward another relationship, this time with our parents, to discuss… their sex lives. Yup. With Health Canada reporting a 142 percent increase in chlamydia in the 60-plus demographic, it’s time for the talk. And we’ve got tips for getting you started.

Also on this month’s relationship radar: fashion, coffee, mindfulness, television, social media and—snack food! Ready to get reading and listening and learning and comfortable with the uncomfortable? We hope so. Oh, and that charming person I was quoting?

You might have met her here before…

PUBLISHER

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Rob Lightfoot

Carmen D. Hrynchuk

ART DIRECTION

Carmen D. Hrynchuk, Brenda Lakeman PRODUCTION MANAGEMENT & DESIGN

Correna Saunders PHOTOGRAPHY

Brenda Lakeman FOOD STYLING

Little Fire Creative SALES REPRESENTATIVE

Tricia Tuchscherer EDITORIAL INTERN

Markwell Lyon CONTRIBUTORS

Shawna Dirksen, Jennie Drent, Robert Michon, Leslie Vermeer OFFICE MANAGER

Janice Lightfoot CONTRIBUTING AGENCIES Image page 2 ©RetroColoring/Adobe Stock Image page 6 ©Ruletka/Adobe Stock Image page 12 © Danussa/Adobe Stock Image page 13 ©ERNESTo/Adobe Stock Image page 14 ©pakpong pongatichat/Adobe Stock Image page 19 & 20 ©Freepik/Adobe Stock Image page 24 ©ONYXprj/Adobe Stock

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Happy February.

ISSN 2368-7088 (ONLINE)

For editorial inquiries or information, contact T8N magazine at info@t8nmagazine.com. Have something to say? Letters, suggestions or ideas can be sent to letters@t8nmagazine.com.

Feature Writers

FOR ADVERTISING INFORMATION

LESLIE VERMEER

Leslie is an Edmonton-based writer and editor. She holds a PhD in the sociology of education.

MARKWELL LYON

Mark is a writer and occasional editor who is currently studying professional communication at MacEwan University. He has mostly lived in Edmonton and Seoul, Korea.

Rob Lightfoot rob@t8nmagazine.com 780 940 6212 or visit t8nmagazine.com T8N magazine is published 12 times a year

by T8N Publishing Inc. Copyright ©2018 T8N Publishing Inc. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is strictly prohibited.

Content marked by the Sponsored Content icon was produced in partnership between content producers and T8N magazine.

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T8N February 2018  5

Conversations

BIG SHOT

HPV Vaccinations Cancer Prevention Is Here

BY LESLIE VERMEER

HAVE YOU EVER given money to help find a cure for cancer?

You probably have: according to the Canadian Cancer Society, in 2016/17 Canadians donated more than $40-million specifically to cancer research (and much more to education and support programs). But did you know that for some cancers, we have something even better than a cure? We have prevention. The HPV vaccine prevents the development of an infection that is associated with almost all cases of cervical cancer, as well as a number of other forms of cancer. The problem is, despite that we can now prevent some cancers, many young people are not being vaccinated against HPV, and the reasons are simple: misinformation and discomfort.

What Is HPV? Human papillomavirus (HPV) is, as its name suggests, a virus.

More significantly, it is an enormously common sexually transmitted infection (STI), currently believed to be the most common STI in the world. Both women and men can be infected by HPV and can transmit it to their partners of either sex. Dozens of strains of HPV have been identified; of these, nine are responsible for the majority of serious health consequences. According to the Canadian Cancer Society, HPV infection causes almost all cervical cancers; it is also associated with 80 to 90 percent of anal cancers, 40 percent of vaginal and vulvar cancers, 40 to 50 percent of penile cancers and 25 to 35 percent of cancers of the mouth and throat.

The large majority of sexually active people will have HPV at some point during their lives. For most people, the infection will be asymptomatic—that is, they won’t know that they are infected or that they could transmit the infection to a partner (Some strains of HPV cause genital warts in men and women; this is the only common sign of infection). Most people’s bodies will fight and clear an HPV infection within two to three years with no long-term concerns. But each year 6 T8Nmagazine.com

some 3,500 Canadians develop a HPV-related cancer, and a third of these patients are men.

HPV is transmitted through intimate contact— skin-to-skin contact with the genitals—which doesn’t have to be penetrative. Condom use will not necessarily prevent transmission of the virus: oral sex and even mutual sexual touching can lead to infection. And HPV is so common that a person could be infected by her/his first sexual partner—in fact, research suggests that HPV infection most often occurs during the first three years that a person is sexually active.

What Is the HPV Vaccine?

The HPV vaccine is a proprietary vaccine formula (most commonly Gardasil 9, but there are others) that is effective against the most harmful strains of HPV. In Alberta, patients receive three doses of the vaccine, given as injections, over six months. Immunization provides lasting protection against HPV and reduces the development of infection from the targeted strains.

The vaccination is most effective when it is received before an individual has intimate sexual contact. The vaccine does not treat or cure infection in a person who has already been infected with a strain of HPV (although research suggests vaccination may still offer a benefit for the infected person); rather, the intention is to prevent infection in the first place. And here’s where things get complicated…

In Alberta, as part of public health policy, children in Grade 5—both boys and girls— receive the HPV vaccine at no cost, provided their parents sign a consent form. Students who miss vaccination in Grade 5 can receive it in Grade 9, and those who miss it in Grade 9 can receive it in Grade 12. But some parents are reluctant to give their consent, worried they’re sending the wrong message about sex to their kids.

Medical researcher Mariana de Castro Ribeiro Guedes and her colleagues have found that “some parents associate the vaccine with a stimulus for sexuality, what they see as precocity”—that is, that it gives adolescents and teens tacit permission to become sexually active. Research from around the world does not bear out this fear: researchers have shown that vaccinated teens do not become sexually active earlier than their peers. But frankly, talking about—or even thinking about—STIs can be uncomfortable for many people, especially for parents imagining their kids’ future behaviour.

MYTHS YOU MIGHT ENCOUNTER 1. You might hear that the HPV vaccine isn’t safe: Untrue. The vaccine has been widely demonstrated to be safe and effective. Despite online reports, credible medical research shows few side effects to the vaccine, and almost all reported side effects are minor reactions to the vaccination itself, such as sensitivity or minor swelling at the injection site. People who are immune-compromised should of course consult their doctors before being vaccinated.

2. You might hear that people don’t need to be vaccinated against an STI until they are sexually active: Untrue. The HPV vaccine works best if it’s given before a person becomes sexually active.

3. You might hear that the risk of being exposed to HPV is low: Untrue.

Current statistics indicate that more than 75 percent of sexually active men and women will be infected with HPV during their lifetimes. Most people encounter HPV infections during their first three years of sexual activity.

4. You might hear that HPV affects only women, so boys don’t need the vaccination: Untrue. HPV infects boys and men as well as girls and women, and both sexes are at risk for transmitting the virus and developing HPV-related diseases, including several forms of cancer. Prevention is a much safer strategy than treatment.

And there’s the added issue that HPV is largely (and wrongly) identified with girls and women, whose sexuality is often more carefully scrutinized and regulated than that of boys and men. The question of HPV vaccination is thus saddled with a moral dimension that most other conversations about well-being and disease prevention lack. In an article published in early 2017, nurse educator Dawn S. Stone reported that even some doctors are reluctant to discuss the vaccination with their pre-teen patients, preferring to wait until patients are in their mid-teens. Unfortunately, for some teens, by that point they’re already infected.

Alberta Health Services’ messaging is pretty direct: “HPV is easily spread by even a brief moment of skin-to skin contact in the genital area. In other words, you don’t have to have intercourse to get HPV—you can contract it through oral sex or simply touching.” That means that common teen experimentation, even when it doesn’t lead to intercourse, can still put young people at risk.

It’s Not a Women’s Issue Alberta’s school-based HPV immunization program was introduced in 2008. At that point, the vaccine was available only to girls.

In 2014 the program expanded to include boys because HPV has consequences for men as well as for women, and research showed that the vaccine was safe for boys as well as girls.

Although HPV is most commonly associated with cervical cancer, which develops only in women, men can also develop HPV-related cancers—including men in same-sex relationships.

The Canadian Cancer Society recommends that females between 9 and 45 and males between 9 and 26 be vaccinated to reduce their risk of cancer later in life. People who missed vaccination as children can arrange to be vaccinated as adults. Endorsing a strategy of prevention rather than treatment, the Canadian Cancer Society urges that HPV vaccination be easily affordable and widely accessible, although these conditions do not prevail in all parts of Canada.

T8N February 2018 7

Vaccination against HPV does not replace ongoing health care, of course. Even if women have had the vaccination, they still need regular Pap smears once they become sexually active. The vaccine is effective against the strains of HPV that cause greatest concern, but it doesn’t prevent all HPV infections, and an abnormal Pap smear may have another cause. And because there is currently no test for HPV infection in men, many men discover they are infected with HPV when their female partner has an abnormal Pap smear.

Let’s Talk About Sex The HPV vaccine is a cost-effective, forward-looking public health strategy. It’s easily administered through schools, it’s relatively low cost (especially compared to the cost of treating precancerous cells or an HPV-related cancer) and it’s highly efficacious, preventing up to 99 percent of cancers associated with the strains of HPV it targets.

The health policy and medical research communities resoundingly endorse the HPV vaccine as a cost-effective way to reduce disease and suffering. Researchers have found no evidence that shows teens become sexually active earlier or have more sexual partners as a result of the vaccination—and, yes, researchers have asked these questions, because parents have reported that fear of teens’ potential behaviour is a reason for kids not to be vaccinated.

In the United States, suspicion of vaccination, and particularly a vaccine associated with sexual behaviour, has led to lower than expected demand for the HPV vaccine (In the US, there is also the issue of health insurance, which means that vaccination can be expensive).

Canada has taken a different, pro-active approach. October 1 to 7, 2017 marked the first-ever HPV Prevention Week in Canada,

sponsored by the Federation of Medical Women in conjunction with many other organizations. This event was intended to raise awareness of HPV infection and its consequences and to make talking about prevention more comfortable.

SOME SOLID SOURCES OF INFORMATION • http://immunizealberta.ca/i-need-know-more/common-questions/hpv • http://hpvtool.albertapreventscancer.ca • http://www.cancer.ca/en/prevention-and-screening/ be-aware/viruses-and-bacteria/human-papillomavirus-hpv/?region=on Research has found that teens and young adults—particularly young men who have sex with other men—far under-estimate their likelihood of being infected with HPV. This is not only a matter of young people imagining themselves to be invincible or having confidence in their early sex partners. It’s simply that HPV is not a high-profile disease like HIV/AIDS or even chlamydia. Most young people aren’t talking about it or even thinking about it—but then again, neither are many of their parents, relatives or community leaders.

Several studies have shown that parents tend to be naïve when it comes to their own children’s sexuality, underestimating the likelihood of a child encountering an STI. It may be difficult to think about your child being sexually active, but when you give consent for your child to receive the HPV vaccine, you protect him or her from a future that might include several now-preventable cancers. The vaccine is most effective if it is received before a person has sexual contact, and parents cannot know when this will occur. So, prevention today is far better than treatment tomorrow.

Know More The best health outcomes occur when our actions are supported by talk. Conversation about the HPV vaccination with your son or daughter—a talk you may have as early as your child’s ninth birthday—may be uncomfortable, but it’s important. Yes, it involves thinking about your child one day being sexually active—and, even more uncomfortably, it involves thinking about your child potentially engaging in sexual behaviours you don’t agree with morally. But not receiving the vaccination means your daughter or son will almost inevitably be exposed to HPV and its consequences.

And if you yourself weren’t vaccinated against HPV in your youth, it’s a good idea to talk with your health practitioner about whether HPV vaccination makes sense for you now. Every year we’re learning more about the vaccine’s efficacy, and we now know that women in their thirties, forties and fifties—even those with a history of HPV-related infection—can benefit from HPV immunization.

So why does everyone need the HPV vaccination? Because receiving that vaccination will have positive consequences for our lives—and our children’s lives—decades from now. And when we give money to cure cancer, isn’t that the future we’re really wishing for? t8n 8 T8Nmagazine.com

All that

Emotion and celebration meet jewellery design PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRENDA LAKEMAN WORDS BY MARKWELL LYON

THERE’S MUCH MORE to jewellery than simple decoration.

For the wearer, the power of jewellery lies in its ability to express emotions and tell personal stories. The combination of gemstones, settings and precious metals make each piece of jewellery unique, creating an object of beauty that the wearer can attach meaning and narrative to.

It’s this expressiveness that jeweller Carmen Bokenfohr strives for in her custom designs. Bokenfohr’s interest in jewellery began as a child in Mayerthorpe, where she’d break open rocks to look at the insides. “I thought I’d find diamonds some day,” she remembers with a laugh.

“And gold!” Later, Bokenfohr’s search for glittery things led her to the jewellery industry. Though she originally aspired to be a gemologist, her artistic background and people skills steered her toward design and, eventually, to opening Concept Jewelry Design in St. Albert in 2006.

Here’s a glimpse at her journey. Take a look.

T8N February 2018 9

Much of Bokenfohr’s work begins with stones. It’s the gemstone that she falls in love with—its shape and colour giving her ideas she can visualize long before they become actual jewellery. “I’m able to express my emotions or what I see in that gemstone,” says Bokenfohr of the art of designing and making jewellery. “I find that one gem that I probably will never see again and then come up with something really interesting for it.” Since her clients sometimes lack that artistic vision, a big part of her job is to paint a picture for them to help them see what is possible. That’s important, Bokenfohr says, because jewellery is quite often closely tied to life’s celebrations and emotions. Just as experiences are deeply personal, so too should jewellery be meaningful to the wearer. It’s this uniqueness, as much as a dollar value, that makes each piece of jewellery special.

The range of Bokenfohr’s work can be seen in the collections she’s created, which speak to her interests and artistry. Her Juicy Gems collection, for one, was inspired by her long-time love of coloured gemstones. The collections also serve the more pragmatic purpose of displaying setting styles and gemstone colours and shapes. “Sometimes people come in with no ideas at all,” she explains. “But if you can give me an idea of your style and taste, I can help mould something around that.”

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Another consideration is lifestyle. A person may come in with a definite idea for a design, but it may not be entirely practical, given their day-to-day activities. As Bokenfohr puts it, “jewellery is wearable art, but it’s got to be functional as well.” In these cases, she’ll suggest setting stones lower or flusher in a ring to protect them, especially if they’re gems. Another option is to place stones in a pendant instead of a ring, where it will face more wear and tear. “I give the knowledge and the information,” Bokenfohr says of the consultation process.

“The client ends up selling themselves because they’re confident in the direction of the design.”

Carmen Bokenfohr, Jeweller & Owner, Concept Jewelry Design.

Throughout her 30-plus years in the industry, Bokenfohr has seen a few trends change. More women are buying jewellery for themselves, rather than waiting to receive it, and the styles they’re choosing are different, too. Instead of leaning towards the delicate, more “feminine” stones and bands they are often gifted, women will often choose designs that are more substantial and “powerful.” It’s an aspect of jewellery that Bokenfohr finds empowering for women, and she welcomes the change. “It’s definitely more work, working with women, because we’re so particular,” she says. “But at the end of the day, it’s gratifying because they’re extremely confident with their purchase.”

For Bokenfohr, what will probably never change is the beauty of the stones she works with. Trends and tastes may come and go, but there is something timeless about gemstones, which continue to inspire her and her designs. “It’s totally in the moment—I buy a gemstone because I love it, not because I have a piece of jewellery in mind,” she explains. “If I love it, I think somebody else is going to love it as well.” t8n

Model's clothing provided by: Who Cares? Wear.

T8N February 2018 11

Then & Now

VALENTINE’S DAY THEN & NOW

VALENTINE’S DAY CAN sometimes

seem like an invention of the modern world, designed to sell greeting cards and jewellery. But the traditions associated with Valentine’s Day actually stretch back thousands of years, almost to the beginning of Western civilization.

In fact, this annual celebration of love is one of the oldest holidays still practiced today. So, if you choose to celebrate this year, know that you’re carrying on a tradition that's almost as old as our culture itself. If you're not, you might enjoy thinking of it as an act of rebellion, 2,500 years in the making.

500s BCE to 500s CE Like many of our Western traditions, modern Valentine’s Day can be traced back to ancient Rome. Every year, from February 13th to 15th, Romans would celebrate the festival of Lupercalia. This three-day period was a fertility festival, where Romans would make sacrifices to their gods in exchange for fertility in their crops, in their livestock and yes, even in their friends and neighbours. Romance was not a high priority in ancient Rome.

Procreation was valued to a much higher degree. More children meant more soldiers and more hands to expand the empire.

One early ritual involved priests using the blood-soaked furs of sacrificial animals to hit (gently or not so gently, depending on the source) the young women of Rome, an act that was said to bless them, making them more fertile and more desirable in the year to come.

There are also accounts of a matchmaking ritual, where young men and women would be paired off for the duration of the festivities.

While not always successful, it was hoped that these matches would ultimately end in happy marriages that would produce many children.

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If the idea of being coated in blood and sent on blind dates makes you a bit uncomfortable, you’re not alone. In the 490s, Pope Gelasius I put a stop to the pagan ritual of Lupercalia, as the sexual nature of the festival was not in keeping with the beliefs of the church.

He banned the celebration and encouraged the people of Rome to spend February 14th celebrating the feast day of St. Valentine instead. While this put a stop to many of the more extreme rituals, the feast of St. Valentine never lost its association with love, though the context of this love would change as time went on.

FUN FACT The oldest Valentine card that still survives was written in 1415. It was penned by the Duke of Orléans while he was being held in the Tower of London as a prisoner of war. The card was meant for his wife and was addressed to “My very gentle Valentine.”

500s to 1700s The feast of St. Valentine remained popular throughout the middle ages, although the intent behind the holiday had shifted. Instead of a focus on fertility, the day began to celebrate the idea of romantic love. It became tradition for the literate members of the upper class to send notes and letters to their lovers, proclaiming their devotion.

Writers of the day, like Geoffrey Chaucer and William Shakespeare, referred to St. Valentine’s Day in their work as a celebration of love, and much of what we remember about courtship rituals comes from their work. In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Ophelia delivers flowers to members of the court.

DID YOU KNOW? There were two legends of St. Valentine in the Catholic Church.

One was a prisoner who was said to have fallen in love with his jailor’s daughter, sending her letters signed, “From your Valentine.”

The other was a priest who would marry young lovers in secret during a time when marriage was banned for Roman soldiers.

It may seem like an innocent act to us, but to Elizabethans, each flower was filled with meaning. Roses, for example, represented passion, while hyacinths were code for playfulness. This secret language of flowers (called floriography) became popular among young lovers, and while we no longer use floral arrangements as code, the tradition of giving bouquets as tokens of affection stays with us today.

1700s to Today As literacy improved and printing became less expensive, handcrafted Valentine’s Day cards fell out of fashion and were replaced by the pre-printed cards we use today. The colonization of the Americas brought Valentine’s Day to the European colonies, but also brought chocolate back to Europe, where the luxury good quickly became the romantic gift of choice. The first heart-shaped box of chocolates was sold by Cadbury in 1861.

In the 1900s, people began to send gifts not only to lovers but also to friends and relatives as a sign of affection. This tradition can still be seen today, as schoolchildren exchange Valentine’s Day cards with their classmates. t8n

WHEN LIFE GETS complicated and over-

whelming, one of our common defence mechanisms is to escape reality. While escapism isn’t bad in moderation, indulging in it can take us too much out of the experience of living. For those who feel they’re avoiding reality rather than really living it, mindfulness might be the answer. This ancient meditative practice has become extremely popular as a tool for reducing anxiety, improving concentration and self-control, increasing compassion, and generally making life better. But is mindfulness really everything its promoters claim it is? Read on to find out what this practice is and what it can (and can’t) do for you.

The Here & Now To put it simply, mindfulness is the practice of focusing on what’s happening in the present moment. If that sounds unimpressive, consider the following scenario: you get in your car to drive to work, the grocery store or some other familiar place. The next thing you know, you’re already there… with next to no memory of anything that happened along the way. It goes without saying that this is the opposite of mindfulness. And yet, operating on autopilot is an all too common experience for many of us. Aside from making us worse drivers, “shutting our brains off” while we’re going about our everyday routines also means we’re drifting half asleep through parts of the day. And that can’t be good.

That’s not to say that a little daydreaming now and then is a bad thing. Rather, practitioners of mindfulness believe that learning to be attentive in the moment makes us not only aware of our surroundings but also more receptive to our thoughts and feelings. This helps us manage our internal lives better, making us calmer and happier people. In other words, mindfulness is more than knowing what street you’re on; it’s about learning how to handle the emotions that come at you over the course of a normal day.

An Ancient Practice in Modern Times Mindfulness actually goes way, way back, with roots in the early days of Buddhism over 2,000 years ago. In Buddhism, mindfulness

MINDFULNESS Getting grounded in reality is considered an essential component of the path to enlightenment. Achieving mindfulness is a major goal of meditation and Buddhist practice in general, and it’s something that people spend years—even lifetimes—trying to master.

FOUR STEPS TO MINDFULNESS MEDITATION 1. Sit with a straight back and relax.

2. Focus on the sensation of breathing.

3. As thoughts distract you, acknowledge them but focus again on your breathing.

4. Practice this for a few minutes every day.

But here in the West, mindfulness has taken on a life of its own. It first gained attention in the 1970s when doctors and psychologists started looking at its potential as a stress buster. Since then, a whole movement has emerged around mindfulness meditation, turning it into a billion-dollar industry.

Unfortunately, this movement has been a little over zealous at times, promoting mindfulness as a miracle cure-all for all kinds of maladies, including arthritis, depression, diabetes, insomnia, obesity and heart disease.

For that reason, some serious practitioners have mixed feelings about seeing the spiritual practice they know turned into a commodity.

It’s Good to Be Mindful Though the benefits of mindfulness are sometimes exaggerated, research does suggest that it can help mental health and ability. Many studies have shown that it reduces stress and the tendency to ruminate on negative thoughts, while also making it easier for people to work through negative emotions. Other studies support the idea that mindfulness improves memory and concentration and boosts cognitive flexibility and adaptability. There’s evidence, too, that mindfulness correlates with stronger relationships, as practitioners can handle relationship stress better and are more skilled at communicating their emotions.

MINDFULNESS-BASED STRESS REDUCTION (MBSR) MBSR, a program founded at the University of Massachusetts in 1979, helped popularize mindfulness in the West. The program uses meditation, relaxation and teaching to help patients improve awareness and reduce stress and stress-related conditions.

So, it seems that mindfulness can be good for you. However, as is the case with a lot of popular self-help movements, it’s often best to look past the hype and “guarantees” and instead set some meaningful and achievable skills to come away with. Sometimes, it’s enough just to remind ourselves now and then to open our eyes and take a look around. t8n T8N February 2018 13

The 8s

MAKING IT WORK Tips for co-parenting

THE IMAGE OF a typical family—two

parents and a couple of kids living under one roof—doesn’t reflect reality for many Canadians. In families where the parents don’t live together, co -pa renti ng is of ten the nor m .

Although splitting parental duties while living apart is understandably challenging, there are many success stories and teams making it work.

How do they do it? Well, there’s no foolproof guide to parenting, either for traditional or non-traditional families.

But following the tips below can help co-parents provide a stable and supportive environment, not just for their children but also for themselves.

1. Keep in touch Communication is key in any meaningful relationship. That doesn’t change when parents aren’t sharing a home. If anything, communication channels become even more important when parents are apart. The unexpected can and does come up when raising a child, and it helps greatly if co-parents can address and resolve those issues quickly. Of course, that’s not to say you need to be in constant contact with your co-parent. In fact, it’s also a good idea to set ground rules about when not to pick up the phone. Outside of emergencies, you may want to limit contact during certain times, such as meals or late at night. Making contact both regular and predictable will help keep the job of child-raising business as usual.

2. Work as a team You might remember group projects in school where the teacher chose your group members for you. Maybe you weren’t friends with, or even cared for, those people, but you still had to work together to get the job done and done well. Co-parenting is a little like

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that, but with higher stakes. Each co-parent should be ready to divide parental duties as squarely as possible. Even if your co-parent is unable (or seems unwilling) to do as much, you still need to find a way to work with them. Find some common ground and the best possible parenting arrangement, so that you can work together as one.

influence on your child. Either way, it should be something you and your co-parent discuss. The best policy is flexibility. You don’t want to be too controlling over who your child sees when he or she is not in your care.

But if you do have concerns, voice them openly and try to come to an understanding.

3. Be consistent in all things

In any family, there’s bound to be some conflict. Factor in a separation or divorce, and a person’s testiness only increases.

Even if you are on good terms with your co-parent, it’s naïve to think you’ll never have disagreements. It’s also not realistic to think you can win every battle. Be selective about when and how often you draw a line in the figurative sand. A little give-and-take in a relationship is natural and healthy, and learning to back down sometimes will make your life less stressful.

Consistency is a big part of successful co-parenting. For a child, splitting time and space between two parents takes some adjustment.

Co-parents need to keep things as stable as possible, and consistency is key to this. That means being available when you say you will be, and it also means both co-parents using a consistent set of rules in each home. If one co-parent allows the child to behave in a way that the other doesn’t, it could undermine the relationship between the parents. Kids are also likely to figure out that they can play one parent off the other.

4. Have each other’s back This one might be a little difficult, especially if there’s no love lost between the co-parents.

But for stability, it’s important that a child’s feelings for either parent aren’t influenced for the worse. In other words, don’t go airing any grievances you have about your co-parent in front of the children. In addition, if your child says something negative about the other parent, you should try to defend them if possible—even if you think your kid’s right.

Doing so helps set boundaries for a child and teaches them to respect both of you.

5. Build an extended team Co-parenting doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

Typically, you and your co-parent will have your own extended families, whose roles have to be considered as well. This could get tricky, for obvious reasons, as your co-parent may have family members who you don’t get along with or who you think may be a bad

6. Pick your battles

7. Don’t fix what isn’t broken Once you have a schedule that works, treat it seriously. Don’t change plans or suggest unnecessary revisions. Sure, things will come up, and it’s good to be flexible and accommodating when they do, but outside of rare exceptions, commit to keep the schedule you’ve agreed to, since it’s best to keep things as predictable as possible.

8. Remember quality, not quantity Having two parents in the same household doesn’t guarantee a smooth family life. By the same token, just because parents aren’t together, it doesn’t mean they can’t provide everything their children need to thrive. Far from it. Children are more resilient than we sometimes give them credit for. With stability, consistency and love, along with basic necessities, children tend to fare just fine. By providing great parenting, and not just more of it, co-parents can rest easy at knowing they’ve done their best. t8n

Food & Gatherings

Snackers

Love

Crackers Hello, Yummy Valentine!

IT’S THAT ROMANTIC time of year when one’s

thoughts and surrendered inhibitions melt indulgently into… calories. Though we kid, there really is something to be said for food being the way to one’s heart. And when it comes to savoury delights, few are more comforting than salty, crispy crackers. That recipe for love is exactly what we’re baking up and sharing. Some of the crackers are cheesy and melt in your mouth. Others are sophisticated and worthy of wine. But whether paired with a bowl of comforting soup or eaten at a lovely dinner party, we hope these delicious crackers will satisfy your cravings— and hearts, too. Happy Valentine’s Day.

T8N February 2018 15

Quinoa & Oregano Cumin Crackers These hearty and healthy, flavour-packed crackers add the perfect crunch alongside a bowl of creamy soup.

1/2 cup chia seeds 1/2 cup quinoa seeds 1/2 cup ground flaxseed 1/2 cup pumpkin seeds 1/4 cup toasted sunflower seeds

1/4 cup whole flaxseed 1/2 tsp salt 2 tbsp chopped oregano 2 tsp cumin 1 1/4 cups water

Preheat your oven to 225˚F, and line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

Next, simply mix all the dry ingredients together in large bowl, add the water, stir to combine and let stand for 5 minutes (the chia seeds will start to “gel” during this time and bind the ingredients together). Next, spread the mixture in an even layer across the prepared baking sheet, and place in the oven to slowly bake for 2 1/2 hours (or until golden and firm). Allow the slab to cool on the pan, and then break into desired sizes.

Pepper Jack “Everything” Crackers Move over, bagels. You’ve got delicious competition.

3/4 cup grated pepper-jack cheese 1/2 cup grated sharp cheddar cheese 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 cup butter, cut into small cubes 1/2 tsp onion powder 1/4 tsp smoked, hot paprika 4 tbsp 2% milk

1 egg (for egg wash) 2 tsp water (for egg wash) For the “everything” topping 1 tbsp poppy seeds 1 tbsp toasted sesame seeds 1 tbsp dried onion flakes 1 tbsp dried garlic flakes 1 tsp freshly cracked black pepper 1 tsp sea salt

Preheat your oven to 350˚F, and line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, combine the grated cheese, flour, butter, onion powder and smoked paprika. Mix with your fingertips until the mixture resembles a crumb topping. Drizzle in the milk, and use a fork to toss the mixture until combined (it will still be crumbly).

Divide the mixture into 2 mounds, and roll out each to 1/4-inch thickness on a floured work surface (it will become easier to roll as it warms). Cut into crackers with a 1 1/2 inch cookie cutter, and space the crackers 1 inch apart on the prepared baking sheet.

Whisk the egg and water together in a small bowl. Brush the top of each cracker with the egg wash, and sprinkle with the topping mixture.

Bake in the preheated oven for 18 minutes, and then remove the crackers to a rack to cool. Serve as a snack or alongside your favourite soup or dip.

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Parmesan Wonton Crackers Fast, crispy, addictive and—quite possibly— your new favourite snack.

Olive-oil cooking spray 25 to 30 wonton wrappers (prepackaged) 1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese 1/2 cup fresh parsley, finely chopped Salt and freshly cracked pepper, to taste

Preheat your oven to 375˚F, and line a large baking sheet with parchment.

Open the pack of wonton wrappers, and remove a stack of 25 to 30. With a sharp knife, slice through the stack to create two stacks of rectangles. Place each piece on the prepared baking sheet, in a single layer.

Generously spray each wonton wrapper with olive-oil cooking spray, and sprinkle with the Parmesan and chopped parsley. Top with a sprinkle of salt and pepper, and place in the preheated oven. Bake for 5 minutes, or until golden and crispy. Serve while warm.

T8N February 2018 17

Walnut Raisin Rosemary Toasts They look like melba toast but taste like indulgence. Sweet, savoury and the star of any cheese platter.

2 cups flour 2 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 cup brown sugar 1 cup buttermilk

1 cup plain yogurt 1/4 cup honey 2 tsp freshly chopped rosemary 1 tsp freshly grated orange zest 1/2 cup raisins

1/4 cup dried sour cherries 1/4 cup chopped, dried apricots 1/2 cup chopped walnuts 1/4 cup pumpkin seeds

Preheat your oven to 350˚F, and grease two loaf pans.

In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, baking soda, salt and brown sugar. Add the buttermilk, yogurt, honey, rosemary and orange zest. Fold in the dried fruit and nuts. Pour into prepared pans, and bake in preheated oven for 35 minutes. When baked, remove the pans to a cooling rack, and reduce the oven temperature to 300˚F. Cool on a rack for 15 minutes, then remove the loaves from the pans and with a serrated knife, cut them into thin slices (try for 1/8 inch). Place the slices in a single layer on a baking sheet, and bake them for 15 to 20 more minutes, flipping them at the 10-minute mark.

Allow the toasts to cool on the baking sheet, and enjoy.

Goldfish Crackers In this pond, it’s go big or go home. And these jumbo goldfish deliver.

1 cup flour 3/4 cup (6 ounces) sharp cheddar cheese, grated

1/4 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese 1/4 cup unsalted butter, cut into small cubes

1/2 tsp celery salt 1/2 tsp onion powder 2 1/2 tbsp cold water

Place the flour, cheeses, butter, celery salt and onion powder in a food processor, secure the lid, and pulse until the mixture resembles coarse sand. Next, add the water, and pulse again just to combine. Tip the crumbly dough onto a work surface, form it into a ball, wrap it in plastic wrap and place in the fridge to chill for 1 hour.

When the dough is chilled, preheat your oven to 350˚F, and line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. Next, divide the dough into 2 mounds, and roll out each to 1/4-inch thickness on a floured work surface (it will become easier to roll as it warms). Cut into crackers with a fish-shaped, 2-inch cookie cutter, and space the crackers 1 inch apart on the prepared baking sheet. Bake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes or until golden and crispy.

Remove the crackers to a cooling rack, and devour. t8n

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Truly, Deeply, Madly

May We SUGGEST...

HAVING THE SEX TALK …

WITH YOUR PARENTS! Tips for making the awkward less awkward

OH, THE GOOD old days, when having “the talk” only

Understand the Issue

required eye-rolling and righteous indignation on your part. Well, welcome to Part Deux, the uncomfortable sequel where you sit down with Mom or Dad to explain to them what they need to know to stay healthy and “active” in today’s world. Eeep! Why, oh why, is this something you’d volunteer to do, you may be asking? Well, STIs (sexually transmitted infections) are skyrocketing among the 60-plus demographic. In fact, Health Canada reported that between 2005 and 2015, this demographic experienced a 142 percent increase in chlamydia, an 87 percent increase in gonorrhoea and a 5 percent increase in syphilis. Here are a few tips to get the conversation started.

There are several reasons why STI rates are on the rise among seniors.

For starters, people are living longer and staying healthier than they used to. In fact, with so many treatments for sexual dysfunction on the market, more and more people are having active sex lives well into their 80s.

Late-life divorce rates are also higher than ever, which means people are finding themselves back on the dating scene in their 60s—armed with outdated information. Case in point, many seniors are not using condoms because they associate them with birth control, rather than protection against STIs.

Start with a Plan All things considered, talking with your parent about staying safe T8N February 2018 19

while dating is important, but that doesn’t make the task any easier. Your best bet is to go in with a plan. Start by setting some goals for the conversation, such as letting your parent know that sex and dating has changed over the last few decades and that STIs are a growing reality in all age groups. By stressing that anyone can contract an STI, no matter their age, you’ll be able help them understand that using condoms and getting tested for STIs regularly is a standard health practice.

And, just as importantly, that treatments for STIs are better today than ever, especially when diagnosed early.

Feel It Out Although it may be tempting to get the conversation over with by blurting out everything you need to say at once, it’s probably wiser to take a slower approach. Try introducing a less awkward, but related topic (like dating in general) and gauge their response. Do they seem open? Do they seem defensive? Can you hear them mentally counting the doors and windows? How they respond will give you some insight on how to proceed.

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DID YOU KNOW? According to Canadian Public Health Associates, more than half of seniors aged 65 to 74 and more than a quarter of seniors aged 75 to 85 are sexually active. This information is based on a sample of 3,005 Americans between 57 and 85 years old.

Keep Communication Open & Respectful The last thing you want is for your parent to feel spoken down to. Remember, they do have more life experience than you and have likely earned your respect. It’s not your job to tell them how to live, but it’s okay to express concern and to be available to help them navigate this new chapter in life.

Keep your conversation on track by staying positive and genuinely listening to their point of view. On that note, keep in mind that people’s views about sex have changed a lot over the years and that your parent’s views on

dating could be generational. It’s important to keep calm and not to get frustrated if their views are more traditional than yours or if they simply aren’t open to having “the talk” with you.

If they won’t talk, consider leaving some brochures or printouts around the house or sending them some information in the mail.

Point Them to a Professional Once you’ve gotten your key points across, leave the rest to a medical professional. Make sure your parent has access to a doctor they trust, and then give them the privacy to discuss their sexual health with that person.

It’s up to a doctor to determine the tests or screening needed and to give professional advice about protection.

Follow Up Talking to your parent about sex isn’t necessarily just one conversation; it’s likely a series of them. By checking in with your parent and remaining open to new conversations about sex and dating, you are doing your part to keep them healthy and safe in today’s dating landscape. Just like they did for you. t8n

EXHIBIT

Date: February 1

Emerging From Ignorance

Location: Arden Theatre, 5 St. Anne Street

Alena Valova, originally from the former Czechoslovakia, has lived in Colombia, Houston and now calls Canada home. Her art is influenced by her life, her travels and her need to experiment with her medium. This is a solo artist exhibit. Opening reception is February 1.

Date: Until February 24 Location: VASA, 25 Sir Winston Churchill Avenue For more info visit: vasa-art.com

For more info visit: stalbert.ca/exp/arden/events EVENT

A Little Piece of Heaven The St. Albert Dinner Theatre presents a play by Matthew Carlin. It tells the story of a tourist shop called A Little Piece of Heaven, its odd owners Elizabeth and Henry, and an unlikely friendship between a biker and a sassy elderly woman.

Date: February 8 to 24 Location: Kinsmen Hall, 47 Riel Drive

One and Many, by Alena Valova

For more info visit: stalberttheatre.com

EVENT

Magic Pirate Ship Starring The Purple Pirate Dustin Anderson, award-winning children’s performer, brings his all-ages show where there will be magic, dancing, storytelling and special effects. Anderson will help the kids explore Life’s Big C’s: courage, compassion, curiosity—and a cannon. There’ll be a pre-show activity.

EVENT

Meet Me at Lovers’ Lane Part of the Silver Skate Festival, this event is for the sweethearts out there. There’ll be horse-drawn cutter sleigh rides, hot chocolate, an ice castle and more. The Silver Skate Festival is an annual event—now in its 28th year— that promotes outdoor winter fun for the whole family.

Dates: February 9, 10, 14, 16, 17, 18 Location: Hawrelak Park, 9330 Groat Road For more info visit: silverskatefestival.org

COMMUNITY

CALENDAR

Things to do, watch, hear and see this February.

EVENT

Dead Cold Run Like running in the cold? Enter either the “Frozen 5 km Run” or the “Icey 10 km Race.” Both routes will take runners along the snowy trails of the North Saskatchewan River. When you register, you’ll receive a chip timer, a Silver Skate Festival donation and an official Dead Cold Finisher Medal (first 200).

Location: St. Albert Place, 5 St. Anne Street For more info visit: artgalleryofstalbert.ca

Date: February 18 Location: Hawrelak Park, 9330 Groat Road For more info visit: deadcoldrun.ca EVENT

Light Up the Night The 28th annual fundraiser for the Art Gallery of St. Albert is a fun-filled evening with hands-on activities, appetizers and silent auctions. This fundraiser helps supports AGSA’s programs, exhibitions and upcoming projects.

Tickets available on-line Date: February 24

EVENT

Freedom to Read Week An annual week-long event that reminds us to think about Canada’s commitment to intellectual freedom, the right to read, listen, write and speak about our beliefs. There’ll be various events each day, including a bannedbook trivia contest and displays.

Date: February 25 to March 3 Location: St. Albert Public Library, 5 St. Anne Street For more info visit: sapl.ca t8n

T8N February 2018 21

Meet You There

GOOD EARTH COFFEEHOUSE Coffee fuelling community and relationships

FOR MANY PEOPLE, coffee shops serve an important

communal need in our culture: they’re a place to gather—a go-to spot for work meetings, intimate chats and caffeinefuelled study sessions; a place where new relationships begin and others end. It’s that personal, social appeal that Good Earth Coffeehouse has been capturing since it opened in the Shops at Boudreau three years ago.

“For me, it feels like your home coffee shop,” says owner David Hole.

“It’s got that atmosphere where everybody knows everybody, and there’s a lot of conversation that happens between the baristas and our incredible clients.” Hole’s brother Patrick opened the coffee shop in 22 T8Nmagazine.com 22 T8Nmagazine.com

early 2015, and David, who had previously worked as a flight paramedic, came on-board over a year ago to help with back-end operations.

It was meant to be a temporary move but became a permanent one when Patrick moved on and David took the helm.

The Calgary-based chain opened in 1991 with the goal of providing a comfortable place for people to meet over great coffee and food.

Communal tables, reclaimed furniture and entertainment are all part of the vibe at Good Earth locations. In recent years, the company has been rapidly spreading that concept, with new locations popping up from Victoria to Ottawa. One day soon, Good Earth also hopes to set up shop in the Maritimes and become a nationwide presence.

For now, though, the chain is concentrated in the west, with the St. Albert location being one of five in the Edmonton area. With its mix of boutique shops, unique dining options and location next to the Botanica residential development, the Shops at Boudreau has proven to be an ideal spot for Good Earth.

“With the way that Boudreau was set up to encourage walking traffic, we thought it would be a perfect scenario where people are walking and it would become a big stop,” says Hole. He also credits the patio area and the fireplace for attracting customers, many of whom have become familiar faces.

Good Earth’s engagement with its customers goes beyond simply serving up coffee and nibbles, though. The café also hosts live entertainment, often featuring local talent.

High-school students do slam poetry a few times a month, and the St. Albert Public Library comes in for poetry and amateur jam sessions. Even the baristas get in on the act at these events, something that Hole encourages.

On a larger scale, the Good Earth chain also gives back to the communities where it’s located. Its annual Gingerbread Family campaign runs late in the year and sees the corporate office donate money to local food banks, based on sales of gingerbread cookie packages.

COFFEE IN CANADA • Among Canadians over 16 years old, coffee is more popular than any other beverage, including tap water.

• On average, Canadian adults drink three cups of coffee a day.

• Canada imports coffee from over 30 developing countries.

Much to the company’s delight, the response from customers continues to be very positive.

“They’ve been really responsive coming in,” says Hole, who believes it’s more than just the location and entertainment that has made Good Earth a popular stop. Besides providing a place for customers to hang out and socialize, the coffee shop has been able to make a connection with the larger community. “It’s really dependent on that community bond,” Hole explains. “And that’s where Good Earth’s concept has always been.” t8n

GOOD EARTH COFFEEHOUSE AT A GLANCE Location: #115, 130 Bellerose Drive, St. Albert, in the Shops at Boudreau Franchise Owner: David Hole Specialties: Great, ethically sourced coffee and a variety of fresh food, including soups, sandwiches and baked goods made in-house Interesting Fact: The Shops at Boudreau and the neighbouring Botanica community are located at the site of the original Hole’s Greenhouses & Gardens, co-owned by Hole’s great aunt (and 15th Lieutenant Governor of Alberta) Lois Hole.

Knowledgeable, Personalized and Professional Service

Are your rates going up? Call us today!

#108-10423 178 Street, Edmonton • Ph: 780-455-1727 Fx: 780-452-4427

www.plainsinsurance.ca

AUTO • HOME • LIFE • COMMERCIAL T8N February 2018 23

REVENGE PORN (n.)

C EN S O

RED

When betrayal goes viral WE ALL KNOW that heartbreak and

Some Stats

the Internet can be a dangerous mix.

But what happens when a former flame goes online for payback? It’s called revenge porn, and becoming a victim of it is the stuff nightmares are made of. Unfortunately, in today’s digital world, more and more people are living this horrific reality. Here we define revenge porn, explore why it’s so prevalent in today’s society and discuss what’s being done about it.

A 2013 survey conducted by US Internet security company, McAffe, found that 1 in 10 adults between the ages of 18 and 54 had a partner threaten to post intimate photos of them online. In 2017, company documents were leaked from Facebook that stated the social media site had received more than 51,000 reports of revenge porn in the month of January alone. That’s more than one report every minute.

What Is It & How Is It Defined?

Revenge porn, also known as non-consensual pornography, refers to digitally distributing nude or sexually explicit photos or videos of someone without his or her consent. These photos or videos are often shared to “get even” after a breakup or are used to blackmail a current or former romantic partner.

Under Canadian law, revenge porn is a form of sexual abuse—plain and simple. Like any kind of abuse, revenge porn is about the abuser’s need for power and control over the victim. The ultimate goal is to shame and manipulate.

In some cases, the victim has willingly shared intimate images with his or her partner while they were together. In other cases, the victim was coerced into creating this material or was unknowingly photographed or recorded. No matter how the images came to be, even in cases where the victim willingly created or shared the material with his or her partner, it’s still a crime to share the images without consent.

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PROTECT YOURSELF Avoid sharing or storing nude or sexually explicit images of yourself.

However, if you find an X-rated image of yourself online, immediately report the crime to the police.

Contact the website directly and ask them to take down the image.

Why Is It So Common?

Revenge porn and the Internet go hand in hand. With practically everyone carrying a smartphone, creating and sharing sexually explicit material has never been easier, and the Internet gives perpetrators a sense of anonymity, so many feel emboldened to take this kind of digital revenge. Perpetrators can create an account within minutes, instantly reaching a global audience and gaining direct access to their victim’s family, friends and colleagues. Once that content is online, it’s very difficult to remove.

Also, because so many revenge porn victims blame themselves or don’t know where to go for help, many cases go unreported. And

in cases that involve minors, victims are even less likely to report the crime, fearing they will end up in trouble at home or risk retaliation from their peers. Therefore, many perpetrators go unpunished. Fortunately, victims of this crime now have more support and recourse than ever before, and more and more perpetrators are facing criminal charges and jail time.

DID YOU KNOW? Revenge porn isn’t the only form of online sexual abuse. Sextortion is a fast-growing Internet crime where someone threatens to digitally distribute your intimate images if you don’t send them more explicit photos or video, or perform sexual favours.

What Is Our Legal System Doing About It? Revenge porn has been a growing issue in Canadian communities for several years, and our legislation is finally catching up. In 2015, Canada introduced a federal law called the Protecting Canadians from Online Crime Act. The law addresses many forms of online crimes, including revenge porn, cyberbullying and related offenses. This means revenge porn is now a punishable crime and offenders can spend up to five years in prison.

In August of 2017, Alberta followed Canada’s lead with its Protecting Victims of Non-Consensual Distribution of Intimate Images Act (or Bill 202). According to the bill, anyone who “distributes an intimate image” by knowingly “publishing, transmitting, selling, advertising or otherwise making the image available to a person other than the person depicted in the image” is in violation of the law. Unlike the federal law, Bill 202 allows victims of revenge porn to claim monetary damages. Victims should contact a lawyer to discuss their options for civil recourse.

Alberta police are also becoming better equipped to catch these cybercriminals.

Edmonton and Calgary each have units with technically trained officers dedicated to investigating online crimes, including revenge porn. Victims should visit a police station in their community or call their local police dispatch line to report the crime. t8n