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THURSDAY, August 22, Spm

SOFA KING THURSDAY, August 23, Spm

GOOD GRAVY & LOW FLYING BIRDS SATURDAY, August 24, Spm

PERPETUAL DRIFTERS &MIP

FRI, Sept 6, 9pm ABJA AND THE LIONZ OF KUSH

THURSDAY, Sept 12, 9pm ACOUSTIC SHOWCASE FEATURING: DAVE ELKE, JAHNNY WALLZ, RACHELLE AND BIG MO

3 player teams. Sign up with bartender. Starts at 7 PM

8-BALL TOURNAMENT Sign-up 6PM Starts at 7PM

JAZZ BPM

9-BALL TOURNAMENT Sign-up at noon Starts at 1 PM


INSIDE THIS WEEK'S ISSUE

synthesis IMMACULATE INFECTION

SAFETY MEETING Are you a brand new student coming to Chico State or Butte College this week and you're not sure how to balance being a party animal with being away from your mum for the first time? We've put together a simple illustrated guide to not dying, going into debt, or getting the clap! Liz Coffee, illustrator for the Orion, provides the pictures for extra understanding

PUT A FORK ~~~~IN IT

COMICAL RUMINATIONS

WHY ARE YOU SMILING?

UNITING THE COMMUNITY... COLLEGE Our ever-articulate (currently Franceprancing) correspondent, Jaime O'Neill, has given us permission to reprint an article that was originally featured in the Santa Barbara Independent. O'Neill gives us an intimate look at what a community college can mean to anybody looking for a second chance to find their place in the world.

SEXYTIMES

MAKE ROOM FOR DANNY

KAZ!

ROUND ROBIN FICTION: PART III! If you're following us on this long strange trip know as the Round Robin Serial, you're going to be stoked with this intense installment from Julia Murphy. And the illustration by Taylor Davis perfectly punctuates this stupendous story. To read the previous installments check out www.synthesisweekly.com.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

REVIEWS

05

06 07 17

18 19

21 19

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net

Greetings, Synthesis readers! In an effort to spare you any fear or confusion, let me begin by handing you a cup of warm toddy, and telling you in a soft voice that Sara is taking a little time off. Shhh, shhh, take a sip of your toddy, it's OK. It's not because of anything you did, Sara just needs to spend some time with her family. I know what you're thinking: usually that means "I had a very public scandal involving my naughty parts, and in an unrelated matter I'm going over here to spend time with my family:' But no, it's just the boring version: "I need a vacation before I kill all my coworkers:' And bless her heart, she deserves it. And so it falls to me, gentle readers, to lubricate your supple minds and ready you for the pages ahead. Let me introduce myself; I'm Amy, your Entertainment Editor, and temporary Sara-surrogate. This week, we officially welcome the college students back with an issue dedicated entirely to the pleasures and pitfalls of their impending adventure. Find out whether you're a dumb Heather or a clever Amy (hey, that's my name!), and get some timeless advice on how to win at life. Gain perspective on both ends of the college experience from our resident post-post-grad Jaime O'Neill, and bushy-tailed incoming freshman Rachel Calvosa. Our Sexytimes advisor Balls McPhearson will help clarify the proper method for not raping anyone (finally), and our brilliant columnists will serve up a spread of relevant thought-snacks. We also have the third installment of our Round Robin Fiction serial. If you missed the first two-it's intense, and you should definitely go to synthesisweekly.com and search "round robin:' There's only one more part coming, so this is your perfect chance to catch up and get in on the breathless anticipation that's been gripping Chico by the nethers. In other news, I just found out that Kalico Kitchen is not only doing delicious 2-for-l Broaster• Chicken dinners on Wednesdays, but they're now doing Karaoke too. With PRIZES. Delicious Broaster• Chicken. Prizes. Every Wednesday forever is planned.

AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

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WORD PUZZLE

synthesis

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Tisha Phi lli ps Pick up yourtr ash , be ki n d & enjoy your adventure! Like • Re ply· 6 1 • 17 hours ago via mobile Jenna Batti Don't go the wrong way down ou r new one way streets have fun , leav·e this pt.ace better than wh en you first got here, volunteer and have the ti me of your rife! Like • Re ply · 6 1 · 17 hours ago via mobile

©

Kham s.ayyaphom dont start shit with people you dont know Like • Re ply · 6 1 • 17 hours ago via mobile Rachel Gray Leave early, slow down and enjoy the r ide--it'll be over before you k now it! Like • Re ply · 6 1 · 17 hours ago via mobile Mike Bl aschke Don't drop to the lowest common denominator. Like • Re ply· 6 1 · 17 hours ago via mobile Brian Anth ony Carl Nantes party like a rock star but responsibly. Like · Re ply· 6 1 · 17 hours ago via mobile Lauren Hill RUN! Like · Re ply · 6 1 • 17 hours ago via mobile Colton Kinswonhy Drink as much as possi ble to destress. Go out alot Like · Re ply· 6 1 · 17 hours ago via mobile Sandra Ken ney Stay out of the bars .. .break the stereotype and fi nd the mu ltitude of oth er ways to lhave fun! Like • Re ply · 6 1 • 17 hours ago via mobile

facebook.com/ ch icoca

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~

For 19 years Th e Synthes15 goal has remained to provide a fo rum fo r entertainment, music, humor, com mu nity awareness, opinions, and c hange.

PUBLISHER Kathy Barrett kathy@sy nmedia.net

MANAGING EDITOR Sara Calvosa sara@synthesis.net

ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Amy O lso n amy@syn thesis.net

ASSOCIATE COPY EDITOR Meagan Franklin

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Tanner Ulsh grap hics@sy nthesis. net

DESIGNERS Tanner Ulsh, M ike Valdez grap hics@sy nthesis.net

DELIVERIES Joey M urphy Jennifer Foti

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Arielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Danny Co hen, Dillon Carroll, Eri ca Koenig, Howl, Jaime O'Neill, Jen Cartier, Ke nneth Kelly. Koz McKev, Ky Junkins, Matt O lson, Tommy Dies tel

PHOTOGRAPHY

DO'S

DON'TS

buddy system

tube flotilla

condoms

financial aid bongs

emergency cab fare

credit cards

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

awareness

faming sofa

ACCOUNTING

knowledge

train track accidents

adventure

syphilis

respect women

buzz kill

Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

CALENDAR Amy O lso n calendar@synthesis.net

NERD

Ben Kir by

driving wrong way

Word Puzzle created by Bethany Johnson

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Pott er

OWNER Bill Fishkin bill@syn th esis. net The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One

5Y!Juth~!u1e~ August 19 - 25

copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law (and our law!). All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis. The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even

desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@synthesis .net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferab ly a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 info@synthesis.net

SYNTH ESISWE E KLY.COM


IMMACULATE INFECTION Bob Howard madbob@madbob.com

Big Ideas and Bad Advice It's that time of the year again when we are asked to share our collective wisdom about the benefits, trials, and tribulations of higher education. I fluctuate between roaring optimism (based on the impending and transpiring emergence of the new consciousness) and crushing nihilism (we're a doomed people, and already going over the edge). We are drifting through infinity on a teetering, over-heated planet. This life is an illusion, anyway. The corresponding advice I might give could go in one of two directions: either work on honing your intellect, your ethics, and your skills, so that you can contribute fully to the new reality we are segueing into-or party like there is no tomorrow. I'm not any good at giving advice. I'm also not good at taking advice, but I know some basic things. If you want to be good at something, you've got to work really hard at it. It will make things a lot easier for you if what you want to be good at is also something you enjoy doing. I never really thought about any of that when I was in school. I never thought about a "career" when I was young, and I still haven't spent any time on it. I don't have the prerequisite faith a career requires: faith in a self-perpetuating and constantly expanding system, faith in the righteousness of endeavor, faith in the moral rationality of taking far more than I could ever need, faith in something, anything. Sometimes I wish I had it; life without faith can be a frustrating and meandering affair. There are folks who can come to faith later on in life, but it strikes me they are primarily people who had already been exposed to it, earlier on. I never had that. My first really clear memories, my first thoughtful memories, are of world-altering chaos and confusioneverything turned upside down as soon as I had the intellect to understand some basic conditions. Who I thought I was ... it turns out I am not. But then again, I've never changed.

That was the foundation for a goddamn solid education, if you ask me. So I don't know what to tell you. The years will eventually fly by. An inventor is talking about a mode of transportation wherein we are seated in pointed crafts, and launched through pneumatic tubes, from one end of the state to another, at tremendous and terrific velocity. We seem to prize speed, who knows why? Many years ago, when I spent a substantial amount of time soused in various Southern California topless bars, I had the idea that the strip clubs ought to be fitted with a system of pneumatic tubes. This network of translucent pipes would lead from the bar, and various tables, to a central point above the stage. The purpose of the tubes would be so that, as a patron, you could sit at the bar, or at a table, and casually tip the dancers without having to make a big, awkward show of it. Those small bills would be sucked from your hand, up into the ceiling, and then they would float down onto the stage-the schwoop as the paper is collected, the whoosh as they are transported, the falling bills, all part of the show. Loose change gets your ass tossed by the management.

-

FREE

A D i'1 I S S I 0

-

FOOD

TRUCK

-

G R E E ~J S 1-1 0 VI

~J

CONVERGENCE AT

6P~-8P~

7 : 3 0 P 1,1

That's probably the best idea I've ever had, so go ask someone else for advice.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

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PUT A FORK IN IT Jen Cartier jen.l.cartier@gmail.com

Nacho Class I live in Pittsburg. I'm sure it's a Mexicanfood Mecca, I just haven't had the time to thoroughly explore my home base, what with all the commuting and extra travel and wedding planning and unpacking and such. I miss knowing where to find a good taco truck, which could be a sign that I'm getting older; I prefer comfort and routine over adventure. But I did, recently, stumble upon a great little Mexican restaurant with casual, walk-up ordering and a nice price tag. I wasn't surprised that I found it. I was just surprised by where I found it. I should have found it closer to home-instead I found it in Swanky-Swank-Town (Walnut Creek).

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For those of you unfamiliar with the Dub-C, let me inform you: the public schools ask for at least a $1,000 donation per student when you enroll your children (yes, I said public schools) and the downtown is dominated by big names like Crate and Barrel, Pottery Barn, Urban Outfitters, etc. Don't get me wrong, I really like Walnut Creek; I always like going to places where I'm acutely aware that everyone I stand next to at Starbucks is richer than I am. It's part of my spiritual practice. It promotes humility, and a serviceoriented attitude. I'm half-joking. I do, actually, really like Walnut Creek. And I love that there's a little place centered in Swanky-Swank-Town, where the nachos come piled at ridiculous heights with some damned delicious carnitas for, like, eight bucks. Oh, and they don't use squeezy-cheese. Precisely zero alien slime can be found on the nachos, and every day is a motha-effin' holiday at Cinco De Mayo.

when they're done well. And not having to explain how squeezy-cheese doesn't seem authentic is such a relief. Being able to feed my entire hungry clan for about 50 bucks whilst glamming it up in Walnut Creek feels pretty fantastic. And living close enough to make semi-frequent stops at what feels like a hidden gem in the heart of the East Bay is the best of all. When you see chefs from Walnut Creek's well-known (and oft-voted one of the top 100 restaurants in the Bay Area) Va Da Vi stopping in at Cinco De Mayo for their meals, you know you've hit a good spot. So, Chicoans, while your kids get ready to go back to school, you can be thankful for the fact that you won't be asked to donate money to your child's education-I mean, they may not learn to play the flute, and there may not be enough books to go around, but hey! At least it's free, right? You can also be thankful that there is plenty of good Mexican food at your disposal. Like I said, I sorely miss that taco truck on 8th and Pine. Stopping there made many of my dinner times quick and easy. Hold the squeezy-cheese. While my kids get ready to head back to school, and I manage my work schedule, I am thankful for my slow-cooker, because, hello, braising meat while I'm at work all day makes the house smell like a pork brothel, and also means we can pile all that deliciousness on top of chips with a bunch of ridiculously delicious toppings and have nachos in like 12 minutes flat. No taco truck? No problem. Oh my god, I've become Rachael Ray. Or worse: Sandra Lee. I apologize, I'm a busy mom. Back! Back to school with you!

Tacos al Pastor make me sigh with pleasure

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


COMICAL RUMINATIONS Zooey Mae zooeymae@synthesis.net

Truth Talk

via Skynews

I have a confession to make. Every so often I start feeling terrible. I get headaches, I feel nauseated, and I have a hard time leaving the house on account of the strong inclination I have to get punchy with everyone I see. In case you're wondering, this affliction hits me every four weeks or so ... and every single time it happens, I forget that it's just Mother Nature hocking a giant loogie in my face that smells like chronic irritability and feels like knives in my uterus. Oh menstruation, you are a cruel bitch mother. Sometimes, when you're especially lucky like me, the planets and stars will align and you'll not only be gifted your monthly disaster, but you'll also be faced with a major life change. If you're an actual adult, this might mean having a child (disgusting), or getting married (meh); but if you're me, then this probably means something along the lines of collapsing the perma-box-fort in your living room to pack up your extensive trade paperback collection and moving across town to a new house. Because I'm lucky like that, this week I was not only bestowed with my monthly inconvenience, but I got to move. I blame the convergence of these two events for the already convoluted mess that is my column this week. I can't really explain the reasons why the

LAW OFFICE

c~

following tidbit caught my eye. Suffice to say, I'm running on the fumes of exhaustion that's peppered with cramps of both the upper-back and lower-torso variety. Let's get on with it, shall we? Zhang Biqing, a man who is my new hero, has built his very own fortress of motherfucking solitude on top of a building in China. Biqing, who made his fortune by building a very successful acupuncture empire, purchased the penthouse of a twenty-six floor apartment building, and then renovated it to be a glorious, solid stone middle finger to the rest of the world. News.sky.com has reported that authorities have attempted to serve him with an eviction notice but have been unsuccessful, as they can't even find him. Apparently the Chinese government doesn't have the respect and wonderment that I do at this genius show of fanatical misanthropy. Lastly, I'd like to leave you with something disgusting. Foodbeast has reported that both testicles and anuses have taste receptors ... yup. Disgusting. According to their site, "Scientists discovered the unusual taste receptors while studying fertility

in rats, and they know that taking away male rats' testicular taste receptors rendered them permanently sterile'.' So while we don't know what the evolutionary necessity of taste buds located in the anus might be (except to bolster the flavoredcondom market), it is pretty interesting. Don't go shoving your favorite foods up your b-hole just yet though (unless you're into that type of thing-in which case, go nuts), because the taste receptors in your anus and testicles aren't anywhere as powerful as those on your tongue. That's all for this week; please excuse me while I take a handful of Tylenol and lie on my (new!) bathroom floor while I wait for these cramps to subside.

R..

Chico News & Review

FAC EBOOK.COM/S YNTH ESISCH ICO • SY NTH ESISWE EK LY.COM

AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

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BACK TO SCHOOL

written by Sara Calvosa illustrations by Liz Coffee

Congratulations! You're about to embark on the exciting adventure that is college life. But wait! Before you dive headfirst into that pool of questionable depth, consider this sage advice from the experienced pioneers who came before you.

AMY Goes HOMe WITH MOLLY IN A CAB TO MAKe SURe SHe Gers HOMe OK.

OAVID sees THAT HIS BRO-HAM AIDeN IS ALReADY 3 SHeers AND DeCIDes TO HeLP HIM Ger HOMe SAFeLY.

BAR

HeATHeR 5 HeR FRleNDS LeT MOLLY LeAve THe BARS DOWNTOWN BY HeRSeLF TO WALK HOMe ALONe.

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AUGU ST 19 - AUGU ST 25, 2013

x

ANDY KNOWS THAT HIS BRO-HAM AIDeN IS ALReADY WASTeD BUT THINKS AIDeN HASN'T CeLeBRATeD HARD eNOUGH SO He BUYS HIM A PITCHeR OF PURPLe HOOTeRS.

x

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


Y

DAVID Goes HOMe WITH A GIRL. AFTeR A NIGHT OF RAGING AND THe GIRL. IS PASSeD OUT ON THe COUCH. DAVID DOeSN'T RAPe HeR. He TReATS WOMeN WITH ResPeCT.

ANDY Goes HOMe WITH A GIRL. AFTeR A NIGHT OF RAGING AND THe GIRL. IS PASSeD OUT ON THe COUCH. ANDY HAS sex WITH HeR ANYWAY.

x

CARRY tMtRGtNCY CAB FARt. use THt BUDDY SYSTtM! 5AFtTY IN NUMBtRS. RO!..!.. YOUR BUDDltS OVtR WHtN THtY PASS OUT. CHOKING ON VOMIT SUCKS. PRACTICt SAFt sex. 5TDS AND PRtGNANCY MAKt ORGANIC CHtMISTRY tXTRA HARO. 8t AWARt OF WHO'S AT YOUR PARTY. ORUGGtD OUT ASSHO!..tS ARt SNtAKY BUZZKll..l..S.

'l!!J

FACEBOOK.COM/CHICOCA • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

AMY CARRleS CONDOMS; IT'S AL.WAYS A GOOD IDeA TO TAKe CHARGe OF YOUR OWN SAFeTY. PL.US, SYPHIL.IS Goes AROUND COL.L.eGe CAMPuses L.IKe HAIR ON FIRe.

HeATHeR THINKS THAT IT'S THe GUY'S ReSPONSIBIL.ITY TO CARRY A CONDOM.

A , ,,,,.l. """ 1

x

LIGHT SOFAS ON FIRt.

SIGN UP FOR CRtDIT CARDS. Pl..AY ON THt TRAIN TRACKS. Tit YOUR INNtR TUBtS TOGtTHtR ON THt RIVtR. 5PtND Al..!.. OF YOUR FINANCIAL. AID MONtY ON BONGS. AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

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The Second Chance by Jamie O'Neill This feature first appeared in the Santa Barbara Independent (Wednesday, July 31, 2013) and has been reprinted with permission of the author. I messed up in high school. Many kids do, for a variety of reasons. My reasons were among the most common. Things weren't good at home. Though my parents worked very hard, neither of them had completed high school, their educations truncated by war in my dad's case, and by pregnancy in my morn's case. Both of them spent their lives working low-paying jobs from which they were often laid off, going without pay for months before they were called back to work. Every time they started getting caught up on bills, another layoff at the plant would send them back into debt. The constant shortage of money created tension in the house, and that tension made it hard to study, or to stay focused on school. But I'd also entered that stage of adolescent rebellion so many kids go through, a time of self-conscious defiance of authority and a blanket rejection of grown-up rules and expectations. The culture exploited this attitude, in movies and in music, so it seemed to be loosely sanctioned. For young guys like me, it wasn't cool to be the kid with his hand up in class or the one anxious to turn in his homework on time. It's called peer pressure, it's powerful, and it's still stunting growth for countless young people each year. I graduated in the bottom third of my high school class. I also failed to acquire that lengthy resume of clubs and activities enumerated in the high school yearbook alongside the smiling pictures of the "popular" kids, nearly all of whom, not so coincidentally, came from the more prosperous homes in my small Midwestern town. Though I wasn't much interested in school during those years, I was keenly interested in learning. A couple of very influential teachers looked past my surly posturings, saw in me things not measured by tests or deference to the rules. One teacher, in particular, encouraged my love of reading, recommended books, and gave me the understanding that teachers weren't all hall monitors and second-rate cops anxious to bust kids whose parents didn't matter much in that town's social hierarchy. Much about those high school years left me embittered, and I lost no time in heading for the coast within a

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few months of my unspectacular graduation. It didn't take long for life in the real world of Los Angeles to convince me that going to college was likely to be my only escape route from the hardscrabble lives my parents had lived. But because of my dismal high school performance, there was little chance I'd ever be admitted to a four-year college. Luckily for me, the community college system offered an opportunity to change my trajectory. I was admitted, on probation, to one of California's two-year schools, offered a second chance, an opportunity to undo the damage done to the man I had the potential to become, those setbacks created by a skinny, confused, and rather frightened 17-year-old high school boy. I wasn't much beyond that kid's age, or weight, when I found myself laden with adult responsibilities. I had a wife and a child; I was working fulltime and going to classes four nights a week. Fridays and Saturdays were reserved for homework. It was grueling, but I gradually overcame that C- identity I'd acquired in high school, got my grade point average high enough to transfer to a four-year college, and ultimately managed to gain a master's degree, a community college teaching credential, and a life that would have been impossible without the second chance offered by the California community colleges. I later taught full-time at three of those two-year schools, a career that included a stint at Reedley College, which opened in 1926, one of the very first of what would become 112 such colleges throughout the state. I'm now retired after nearly 40 years of teaching, and like so many people my age, I sometimes take inventory of how my life was spent. I come away from such assessments with the certainty that teaching kids who came from backgrounds and experiences much like my own was a pretty good use of talents that would have been squandered but for the second chance made available to me, and then to them. Not every student I taught made good use of that second chance. Some threw it away for the temporary access to financial aid. Others just lacked the discipline to take advantage of what was before them. Still others had aspirations dashed by encounters with bad teachers or

unfortunate and ill-timed personal setbacks. But dozens of my former students went from two-year schools on through grad school, and countless others found skills needed to get them jobs that would have been out of their reach without the additional education they received in classes like mine. I knew hundreds of women who returned to school after rearing their kids, women looking for personal renewal and transformed identities. And finding both. John F. Kennedy was shot to death during my first semester of college, but he left behind the idea of service, of making a contribution, of being of use to others. That notion seems faded and quaint these days when all the role models project the idea that the highest attainment in life is amassing wealth and living large. Teaching never prom ised those rewards, but the rewards it did offer were rich in both challenge and satisfaction. I made a difference in some people's lives, boosted a few toward the potential that was theirs to be realized, helped some to escape the bleaker futures awaiting those who try to compete without diplomas or degrees. And though the difference I made might have been small in the scheme of things, it was not nothing. Help offered to students was help that mattered. The United States is based on the idea of starting over. We reinvented ourselves as a nation freed of colonial status, making something new and something better, mostly fashioned out of ideas and ideals. The California Community College system offered me a second chance, and I, in turn, helped extend that second chance to others. Because of the underlying philosophy that sustains the community college system, millions of people, young and old, have been given an opportunity to erase past mistakes and redream their futures. That's a pretty good government social program, and a pretty good way to have spent a life.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


Sunday, September 8th n •

12 to 4 p.m. Downtown Chico

Advanced Ticket Packages: $15, $20 & $30 Day of Event Add $4 Tickets Available on line at www.downtownchico.com and facebook.com/Downtownchico

FIVE POOLS+. SPLASH PARK WHIRLPOOLS+ SPA STEAM ROOMS + SAUNAS

A POP-UP

STORE

&FASHION & ACCESSORIES BYA

Boho, Claire Fon g, Lost Boys and Lovers Archaic Revival, Mermaid Soup, And More ! ! &FEATURING&

Bunnymilk &! Duffy's Sirens AGOINGS·ONA

DJs, Vendors, Food, Live Art, Phot o Booth, Per form ances Pr e-Burnin g Man Party!

Our. Palatial hpanslon Conllnuesl New Outdoor Running Track with Outdoor Cardio and Weight Machines and Parcourse Under Construdion!

A TIME A

Thursda,y, August 22nd 7pm- llpm Frida,y August 23rd 7pm- late! &LOCATION&

225 Main St. in the old Weekend Warehouse in the Garden Walk Mall

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

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synthesis

please drink responsibly! Mon-Fri happy hour 11-2PM S2.SO Dom & Sierra

MON

TUE

Food & Drink specials! 11AM-2PM 52 SO SN &

WED

11-2PM 52.SO Dom

THU

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AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

3-6PM 53.SO Dbl Wells 8-close

fries or salad

All ages until IOPM Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR 52.2S Everyday!

Mon-Fri 2-6PM Sl.SO PBR or Coors Pints 52 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL GAME NIG HT! SI PBR all nigh t All ages until IOPM

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Mon-Fri 2-6PM 51.SO PBR or Coors Pints

Full Bar in Back Room

S2 Kami Shooters

Weds, Fri & Sa! Nights! PBR 52.2S Everyday!

1/2 OFF POOL

DOLLAR DAZE 6-9pm SI Beer SI Wells 52 Doubles Chicken Strip Sand only 56 before 6 PM

Jr Grad Burger

w/ fries

8-Close Pitcher Specials

56/59/512

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR 52.2S Everyday!

Sign-up 6PM. Starts 7PM.

FREE Pool after IOPM

Mon-Fri 2-6PM 51.SO PBR or Coors Pints 52 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL

Baby Back Ribs 510.99 Philly Cheeses!eak 57 8PM-Close 54 leas !Opm 52 Red Bull Party

S3 Soccer Moms SS Smirnoff Blasters

JAZZ NIGHT- Martini

Starters

Specials

5S DBL Roaring Vodka

All ages until IOPM

53 All pints 54 Long Island Teas

53 14oz Slushies S4 20oz Slushies Add shot for 51

11-2PM 52.SO Dom &

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Mon-Fri 2-6PM 51.SO PBR or Coors Pints

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/

Sierra Nevada Drafts

S2 Kami Shooters

5 flavors to choose from

3-6PM S3.SO Dbl Wells 8-Close 52.SO Dom & SN Drafts

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sal Nights!

PBR S2.2S Everyday!

1/2 OFF POOL All ages until IOPM

Bread 58.99 8pm-Close S4 Jager 5S DBL Vodka Red Bull 10-Close

54.SO Dbl Bacardi Cck!ls

Fries or Salad & Garlic

Jr Grad Burger w/ fries or

salad S3.99 53 14oz Slushies 54 20oz Slushies Add shot for 51 5 flavors to choose from

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13


THURSDAY, AUGUST 22rH

THURSDAY, AUGUST 22rH

No Age

A Sight For Sore Eyes

Sun Foot Devin, Gary & Ross The Shimmies

Ape Machine Under Cities

CAFE CODA

DEX

I know they're the headliner, and No Age is great, but I don't want to bury the lead here: you may not have noticed, but everything everywhere mentions that Devin, Gary & Ross features "Gary Panter of Pee Wee's Playhouse!""Who?" you say, "I only remember Pee Wee and a bunch of incredible talking furniture:' Well, all that stuff was Gary's creation. He's a super weird talented guy and he also plays super weird music. $10.All ages.8pm

Ape Machine!!!!!!! Again, not technically the headliner, but nothing will convince me that anything is more badass than the hairy monstrosity of music that is Ape Machine. Nothing. Certainly not order of appearance or the size of their font. Imagine a bearded dude kicking you in the nards and then offering you a tender embrace right after-that's Ape Machine. The other bands are probably good too, but who cares. APE MACHINE! All ages. 7-lOpm

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • The Hub: Salsa Tuesdays. Intermediate 7:15-8:15pm, $8. Beginner 8:159pm, $5. Open Dancing 9pm, $2. LaSalle's: '90s night. 21+ Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-Close Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm-lam Park Avenue Pub: Hanging by a String Band. 7 -9pm The Tackle Box: Karaoke. 9pm Woodstock's: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Shigemi and Friends. 7-9pm Dex: Teen Dance Tuesday. $4.

7-9:30pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Swing Dance 1078 Gallery: Honey Noble, singer Wednesday. 8- lOpm songwriter trio from Seattle. $5. 8pm Chico Women's Club: Afro Brazilian The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Dance with Baba Kahanus. 5:30-7pm. Cafe Flo: Live Jazz Happy Hour w I Followed by Yoga Dance. $8-$15. the Carey Robinson Trio. 5-7pm 7:15pm Dex: Hip Hop Wednesday. $6. DownLo: Pool League. 3 player teams, signup with bartender. 7pm 8:30pm Last Call Lounge: Karaoke. 8pmDownLo: 8 Ball Tournament. Sign12am ups 6pm Maltese: Open Mic Night. Signups Duffy's: Dance Night! DJ Spenny at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night and Jeff Howse. 9pm. $1. 7-11:30pm Jesus Center: Derelict Voice Woodstock's: Spelling Bee for the Writing Group, everyone welcome. Grownups. 6:30-7 :30pm 9-10:30am Kalico Kitchen: Karaoke, with C lub: Game Night. 21+ prizes! 8- lOpm lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: King's Tavern: DJ Dancing. 9pm Intermediate Bellydance Class with Maltese: Smashed Spelling Bee. 9pm BellySutra. $8. 6- 7pm lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Open Sid Lewis' Acoustic College: Old Cafe Flo: Open Mic Singer-SongMic. Singers, songwriters, musicians, Time Slow Jam. Bring your bluegrass vocalists, and comedians. All ages. writer Night w/ Aaron Jaqua. 7-9pm instruments and song suggestions. Chico Women's Club: Afro Car7pm Hosted by Jim Meyers. 7 -9pm ribean Dance w/Jeanne Christopher- Avenue 9 Gallery: Chico Icons 2013, The Tackle Box: Swing Dance Wednesday, classes 7-9pm son. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm. group showing. Wednesdays-SaturFollowed by Fit Club. Arrive at VIP Ultra Lounge (Inside The days, 12-5pm 7:45pm. Free Class 8-9pm Cafe Flo: Live Jazz Happy Hour Beach): Laurie Dana. 7-9pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Karaoke. 21 + with the Carey Robinson Trio. Woodstock's: Trivia Night plus DownLo: DJ Dancing w/DJ Ron 5-7pm, then Way Out West Country Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a Dare Showcase, featuring The Blue Merles. table. Starts at 8pm

19 MONDAY

_2_Q-'--_T_U'--E_S-'__ --DA_Y___ ~i~~s~ight 21 WEDNESDAY

14

AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

22 THURSDAY The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pm Cafe Coda: No Age, Sun Foot, Devin, Gary & Ross (Feat. Gary Panter of PeeWee's Playhouse!), The Shimmies. $10. All ages. 8pm Cafe Flo: Flo 'n' the Blues with Steven Truskol and Friends. 7- lOpm Dex: Under Cities, Ape Machine, A Sight for Sore Eyes. All ages. 7 -1 Opm DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective every Thursday. Followed by Mark Sexton Trio. 8pm Downtown Chico: Thursday Night Market. 6-9pm The Graduate: Red Bull Movie Night. lOpm Grana: Live Jazz with John Seid. 5:30-8:30pm Has Beans: Open Mic Night. 7- lOpm. Signups start at 6pm The Hub: FAME Thursdays DJ Dancing. 9:30pm-1:30am. 21+.No cover. LaSalle's: Happy Hour on the patio. 6-9pm. '80s, '90s, and 2000s DJ. No cover Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close. Monstro's: Big Tree Fall Down, Icko Sicko, Violation, Slutzville. $5. All

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


FRIDAY, AUGUST 23rH

SATURDAY, AUGUST 24rH

Chico Pride The Glammys!

Chico Pride Run, Rally & Dance

CHICO WOMEN'S CLUB

EVERYWHERE (SORT OF)

Do you have an amazing red carpet gown just hanging there in your closet, mocking you with its wasted glittering opulence? How about a prom dress you still sort of fit into? Good news! You finally have a place to wear it when you kick off Chico Pride Weekend at The Glammys! It's a Mini Merna Production, guaranteed to be packed with surprises. All she would divulge was that there would be music from DJ 2K and DJ Allen Plowman, and a No Host Bar. $15 suggested donation. 8pm-12am

How many things can you fit into one day to celebrate Pride? Let's find out! Starting at 8:30am at One Mile Recreation Area, there's the AIDS walk/run. $25 entry fee. Then, on to the Downtown Plaza for the main Chico Pride Festival! 10am-5pm. Speakers, music, food, No Host Cocktail Garden, and scads of happy people. $5 suggested donation. Finish the day at the Chico Women's Club with the Chico Pride Adult Dance. DJ Becca Hogue and DJ Eyere. $5 suggested donation. 8pm-12am

Clfrze <lJininu ill the C/TraJition of8oulhem <;/talJJ

VISITING THE THURSDAY NIGHT MARKET? STOP BY FOR OUR

• • • • ••• • •• • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • •• • •• • ••• • •• • • •• • •• • • •• • •• Chico Women's Club: Chico PrideThe Glammys! Red Carpet. DJ 2K and DJ Allen Plowman. $15 suggested donation. 18+. 8pm-midnight. Crazy Horse Saloon: DJ Hot Rod and Mechanical Bull Contest. 9pm1:30am Dex: Adema. $12 presale from Blaze 'n' J's or $15 at the door. All ages. 7pm DownLo: Yi off pool. All ages until lOpm Downtown City Plaza: Friday Night Concert Series with Swamp Zen. 7-8:30pm Duffy's: Pub Scouts- Happy Hour. 1OOth Monkey Cafe & Books: 4-7pm The Hub: Chico Baile Latino: Salsa, Writing Group. 3:30-5pm The Beach: DJ 2K & Mack Morris. Merengue, Cumbia and Bachata 9pm-close. $2, $10 VIP. dance lessons followed by an open The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. social dance.$2-$4. 8pm 9pm LaSalles: DJ Emvee, DJ Steele, DJ Boys and Girls Club Teen Center: Sexual Chocolate. Chico Pride Teen Dance. 7-11 pm. Maltese: Fabulous Friday LGBTQ+ Free. Dance Party. 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Peeking Chinese Restaurant: Bogg. llam BassMint. Featuring Dubvirus.$3 ($5 Cafe Flo: Flo Sessions, featuring after lOpm). 9:30pm Chad Bushnell 7-lOpm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan's Bistro: Bellydance Chico School of Rock: Rocl<in' the Mic. Monthly open Mic open to Performance. Two soloists featured. everyone. 6-8pm 6:30-7:30pm

ages.8pm Panama's: Eclectic Nights. Buck night and DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pm Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm-lam Sierra Nevada Big Room: Jelly Bread. $15. 7:30-9:30pm The Tackle Box: DJ Thomas Young. 8pm-lam VIP Ultra Lounge (Inside The Beach): Bradley Relf. 7-9pm. No Cover. Woodstock's: Open Mic Night.

23 FRIDAY

T-Bar: Live Music. 7-8:30pm The Tackle Box: Amanda Greay & Whiskey Savage. $2. Tortilla Flats: Latin Nights. DJ El Kora de Chico.

24 SATURDAY lOOth Monkey Books & Cafe: Knitting Circle. 2-4pm 1078 Gallery: Annual Garage Sale. 12:30-5:30pm The Beach: Live DJ. 9pm-close. The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pm Cafe Flo: Bluegrass Jam with Lucy Smith, l -4pm, then The Reckoning (Dead Grass) with John Michael. 7-lOpm Cal Skate: Adults only skate night. $6. 18+.9- llpm Chico Women's Club: Chico Pride Adult Dance. 18+ dance party. DJ Becca Hogue and DJ Eyere. $5 suggested donation. 8pm-midnight Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Dancing w/DJ Hot Rod, every Saturday. 10pm-1:30am DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups noon, starts at 1pm. Live music mith

MazAzul.9pm Downtown City Plaza: Chico Pride Festival! Speakers, music and food. No Host Cocktail Garden. $5 suggested donation. 10am-5pm LaSalle's: 1980Now! 8pm

FARMER'S MARKET SPECIALI

Maltese: Live DJ One Mile Recreation Area: Chico Pride AIDS walk/run. $25 entry fee. 8:30am Park Avenue Pub: Live Music with Max Minardi. 6:30-9:30pm Quackers: Live DJ. 8:30pm- lam Scotty's Landing: Music Showcase. Open Mic. 5-9pm The Tackle Box: All Fired Up. $3.

25 SUNDAY LaSalle's: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Bogg! 4-7pm Nick's Night Club: Karaoke. 8pmmidnight. 21 + Oak Grove in Bidwell Park: Chico Pride Weekend concludes with Brunch, catered By Leon Bistro. 9am-noon. Paradise Performing Arts Center: KZFR Benefit with Jackie Greene. $32.50. doors 6pm, show at 7:30pm The Tackle Box: Karaoke. 8pm

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St OFF Pops-size Pie! Hours: Mon-Wed & Friday

1lam-8pm @Spike's Bottle Shop 1270 East 1st Avenue 530.864.2760

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- '•

<Italian.

1020 MAIN STREET CHICO "•?) 530.3LJ5.2233 (G•~ AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

ts I


ON THE TOWN

PHOTOS BY JESSICASID

Rachel Goes To College by Rachel Calvosa I'm a Southern California girl and a recent high school graduate, thoroughly enjoying my last few days of summer here in Chico while visiting my cousin, the Managing Editor of the Synthesis. She was kind enough to let me write a little something to express my thoughts before I whisk off to college and leave my childhood days behind. First off, I don't like change-I don't do well with it and from what I've heard, I'm not alone in this, which is good to know. I mean, most young adults are a little uneasy at the idea of their everyday lives changing completely, by entering into a monumental transition that represents the entirety of their new adult responsibilities. In my personal state of uneasiness for the future, there's a song that I cannot stop listening to. It's called "Wake Me Up" by Avicii. I'm obsessed because every lyric seems to resonate with me and how I'm feeling during this transitional time in my life. "So wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older" is a line in the song that almost brings me to tears in my state of vulnerability. I don't feel wise and I don't feel old; I feel young and dumb. I would love to be woken up after someone's made all the important decisions for me. I can't seem to elaborate much on the feeling of anticipation for college except that I don't know what to expect, and the only thing keeping me from not having a nervous breakdown is to just expect the unexpected. It's all I can do. I can only wonder what day-to-day life will be like on campus. From what I've heard, college professors don't care if they're lecturing to a sleepy class full of texters and gum chewers. Afterall, it is your money and effort that's being wasted, not theirs. For instanceif you receive a phone call from your cousin in Wisconsin, feel free to take it outside and chat; no one cares.

need consequences, or else I may stray. So, having the option to sleep in on a day I have a morning class, when I went to bed at 3 the night before, sounds like a beautiful thing. Only problem is, academic probation will be calling my name and there goes my future ... so there's always that. A positive thing about college that struck me, relates specifically to the socially-awkward in high school. I'm excited to see if it's true that college is a social haven. Robert Frost spoke the words, "College is a refuge from hasty judgement:' So have no fear; if you hated high school because you didn't have friends that understood you, chances are in college you will probably meet a group of your soulmates. Despite my anxieties, college is my debut to the world-it's a coming-out party into society, and I am excited. I should be; after all, I worked hard to get where I am. Instead of wanting to be woken up after it's over, I'm going to enjoy every moment (even the hard parts) and remind myself that this is just the beginning.

I'm the kind of person who needs structure. I

I

t6

AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


WHY ARE YOU SMILING? Kenneth Kelly kenneth.kellyl2@gmail.com

Major in English Let's say you're an incoming freshman who just happened to walk into Aca Taco and you saw the Synthesis sitting there-all neat and proper if it's Monday, disheveled and askew if it's Thursdayand you thought to yourself, "Neato! A hip local 'zine. I must read this instantly so as to establish my street cred in my brand new homestead'.' If that's the case, good for you. Reading is awesome. You could be spending this time reading Shakespeare or Hemingway or Game of Thrones ,

but you're reading this, so I'll try to make it worth your while with all the sagely wisdom that a Chico State Alumni/Chico ex-pat can bestow. Now, if you're anything like I was as a college freshman, you have no idea what you want to major in. You might be thinking to yourself, "I always got top marks in my English classes in high school. Maybe I'll become an English major, and I'll spend the rest of my days sipping scotch, smoking tobacco from a pipe, and wearing tweed jackets with the little elbow patches on them'.' As someone who majored in English Literature, let me tell you, it's not all glitz and glam. In fact, it's no glitz and glam. It's a lot of being locked in your room decoding Quentin Compson's stream of consciousness and writing papers on the divine androgyny in The Color Purple. If you major in English you're going to spend a lot of time reading and rereading books, all so that you won't be able to find a job

because the only thing you know how to do is read. There's an article floating around arguing that everyone should consider a degree in English because reading makes you a better person. That's totally true. Reading enables you to live a thousand different lives, and because of that, you'll wind up a more caring, compassionate person. That article is still hella dumb though. It doesn't address that a degree in English will never get you a job outside academia. Also, you don't have to be an English major to read. There are such things as well-read engineers. Another article listed 24 highly successful people who majored in English. This list included Conan O'Brien, Mitt Romney, and a bunch of other rich, white people. However, every single one of the people on the list went on to grad school and got their Master's in something else-usually business. If you want to make money, English is a great major. But only if you want to go to grad school. That being said, I majored in English, and I don't regret it. I'm one of those weird people who doesn't really care how much money I make as long as I can pay rent and bills and have enough left over to eat decently. My degree in English hasn't gotten me a job (I'm currently working in a tapas restaurant) but I'm happy. And I can always go back to grad school.

FAC EBOOK.COM/SY NTH ES ISCH ICO â&#x20AC;˘ SY NTH ESISWE EKLY.COM

AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

11

I


SEXYTIMES Balls McPhearson balls@synthesis.net

Students! Allow myself to introduce ... myself.

What if we 're in a relationship? My needs matter too; couldn 't she just let me do it really quick?

I am Balls McPhearson, and I am somehow the love/sex/life advice columnist. I assure you I have ZERO formal training in social work and as such, I often feel most of you are a bunch of whiny milquetoasts who could all use a swift kick in the pants and some common sense. I'm not even paid for this shit.

MY NEEDS, MY NEEDS. Shut the fuck up, you coercive ass. Still rape. If she says no and you say yes, that's rape. Are you getting it yet? Oh, same goes if you're married. Check CA Penal Code 262. No means no means no.

You can send me correspondence at balls@ synthesis.net

What if I bought her an expensive dinner, put on some Barry White, and really laid down the romance-but then shes all frigid and awkward when I whip it out?

To the inbox we go! Dear Balls, Obviously I would never want to be a rapist, but I do want to get laid. How can I tell when it's OK to put my penis in someone?

OK. What the fuck is the matter with you? You obviously would be better off frenchkissing a bottle of Jager and jerking off alone than attempting sexxin' up on some poor soul. But in the public interest, let's all play a game together. It does not involve anyone getting naked or dressing up as Little Bo Peep. It will be a simple exercise in "Rape/ Not Rape": What if a girl is all over me at a party, downs a whole bottle of Jack, and is throwing up in the trashcan next to my bed?

Yeah. That's totally hot times. You're better than that. Oh, by the way, RAPE. What if we 've done it before, but shes playing hard to get? All "I'm tired, "or "I'm not in the mood, " or ''your wiener smells like gym socks."

Your wiener is not a gift-it smells like old cat food, and due to excessive alcohol use, it's probably a half-chub at best. If you're that fucking amazing and great, go try your luck on a new person who may be receptive to your advances. Better yet, go take a shower.

Let's pretend you treated your best bro to tacos and beer for his birthday, and he whipped it out toward you. Yeah. Thought so. Keep it in your trousers. What if we've been making out and I go down on her for like 20 minutes, but then she doesn t want to go any further? Jsn 't that some kind oforal contract?

You're an idiot. Please go stand on the train tracks. There is entirely too much talk about classifying types of rape---date rape, spousal rape, statutory rape, gang rape, rapey rape, grape rape--caused by suggestive clothing, suggestive actions, dirty music and film, mob mentality, walking alone, too much to drink, ad nauseam. Let's simplify things (because it really is a simple distinction): ANY sexual penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the crime. Period. [CA SECTION 261-269 PC] Causes? RAPISTS. Not clothes, actions, music or alcohol. Rape happens at the hands of a rapist. Don't be a rapist. Nobody likes a rapist. Now, go forth and have lots of deliciously super-filthy sex! (Consensual and with condoms!) -Balls, out

18

AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


I MAKE ROOM FOR DANNY Danny Cohen

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

Although Ya Don't Know Who I Am ... Won't Ya Listen To Me In 1973, it was $73.00 per semester to attend a California state college, and $225.00 per quarter at UC. Berkeley (where they smoked pipes in tweed and played chess). went to three schools, contingent on a proffered couch or artistic collaboration. I was escaping my insane father, and staving off the workforce. Like today's youth, I had no attention span, and would have been put on Ritalin if they had it-but I had a high GPA due to a photographic memory and analytical cerebral powers, thereby circumventing the need to study or do homework. I graduated with honors, but forgot everything (another quirk of my trick brain).

true wisdom of my alcoholic lit teachers was derived through lecture asides, office flask sessions and off-campus class parties (tear gas and dummy bullets on-campus). I was exposed to free spirits, radicals, artists and intellectuals; at Granola State, a topless quad and nude dorm swimming pool showed how barriers could be broken. Starvation could be countered by "grace" (vis-a-vis free dorm buffets, pavement money and mysterious commissions). Visiting gums instilled focus through meditation and bestowed "Samadhi." It all permeated my music, art, films, and writing (I had 5 minors), and my fear of elders and peers was placated.

I began a Master 's program (again, "employophobia"), but dropped out the first day. I still dream of academic truancy. I'll suddenly appear in a class at the end of the semester, forgetting its day and time (or very existence). I go to the administration building for a catalog, to recall other courses I emolled in, and get lost en route. I would have opted for the shorter credential, but would've also had to live at my folks ' house and teach in South Central L.A. with a nervous disorder and agoraphobia.

Though the torch I pass was lit in another millennium, you can show your appreciation by following " Cohen's Chico Top 10 List of Don'ts" :

My Alternative Liberal Arts degree (3 units for punting decapitated heads during a rock concert) led to a series of grunt jobs, but 35 years later I made a CD and repaid the defaulted federal loans (three-quarters interest) out of fear and kibitzing, as I was secretly disabled. I credit my collegiate experience, however, with obtaining and securing those low-paying (yet often glamorous) gigs (though I quit every time), as I had sophisticated charm and wherewithal. I also got to put the best years of my lives (I've led many, and ditto for the personalities) on a colossal tab.

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1) Don't yahoo yelp ("OWWWW") from moving vehicles (or throw Slurpees), nor at "hotties" or singer/songwriters. 2) Don't skateboard on the sidewalk or on campus. 3) Don't talk in the library (this includes to the personnel). 4) Don't read books on smartphones. 5) Don't bum furniture. 6) Don't antagonize transients, felons or "bangers." 7) Don't vomit by parking meters. 8) Don't subject residents to a "Get Off of My Cloud" scenario. 9) Don't run the light in front of the 7-11. 10) Don't drink 11 shots of vodka like John Bonham and my bassist.

For the benefit of you new and returning students, I shall expound on this "trickledown" of subconscious and subcutaneous knowledge. My vital outside reading was funneled through "required reading"-the

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AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

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ROUND ROBIN FICTION

RR The woman-hardly more than a girl, really-attended to the business of swaddling the baby with a length of soft clean fabric, hardly displacing it as it nursed, and installing the wrap as a carry at the front of her torso. The room swam with motes of dust that danced curlicues across panes of incandescence in the derelict space; the contrast between the darkness and the piercing light made Sean dizzy. With one hand holding the woman's offering, he held the package in the other and felt his mind disjoint and float, as it did more often than not. "Logic and proportion": those were measuring sticks from someone else's toolbox. His contained only the road, the angry buzz of the tattoo machine, painful illuminations; a stop-motion treasure hunt. Strobe flashes burning in isolation as he threw himself bonelessly into the dark strange waters-his life now. Maybe it had been forever. The package seemed to alternate between feeling leadenheavy and floating, weightless, out of his hand. He looked across the room at the woman again. With her head down, her dark hair and skinny arms suddenly reminded him of the whore he'd left some hours ago. But this one was burning with purpose; in what was almost certainly a state of shock, she radiated calm and attended to herself and her child with a preternatural air of confidence. "The father's dead:' She spoke as she finished drawing her pants up with one hand, balancing on one leg while cradling the infant in the carry with the opposite arm. "It's all right, though. There's uncles. And I'm not afraid:' This last phrase spoken as she turned her eyes on him, the full truth in her stare. "You have the object:' He held it aloft, heard her sharp intake of breath. The baby caught her excitement and let out a choppy, fitful cry. Sean's meal finished, he walked slowly to her and bowed to set the package at her feet, aware of his gesture of supplication as he bent before her. She in turn made obeisance to him as she picked up the package, unwrapping it with reverence. Three figures of diminishing size: whisper-dry, made out of some ancient plant fiber reminiscent of cornhusk. The dizzying air seemed to swim and dip around them.

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Round One, Part III by Julia Murphy "Now I can put these back. It's been a long time since things were right this way:' She gently wrapped the figures back up and stowed them among the folds of the carry. Once finished, she turned her unsettling eyes back to his. "Do you know the Dry Fella? He killed my man:' "Why?" "Well, all this:' She waved her hand at the baby, the package, him-a sweeping gesture to indicate the totality of the morning's characters and events. "He doesn't sweat. Or bleed. Now he's a homebum with a swastika on his neck. Sometime he's a white man in a suit. Sometimes he's black. But he never sweats and he only drinks his own, from an army canteen. I think he's afraid of the unsifted village, 'cause he won't drink with the park rats by the Amphitheater or the creek there. What do you call him?" Some things exist out past the rim of language, the comfort of human tongues. "Dry Fella's as good a name as any:' The chain that wrapped around his heart tightened, links forged by cigarettes on flesh, the visions. Yes: that one was dry, the driest; a dessicated thing with an endless thirst for life in all its forms. A vacuum, and Nature abhorred it. Had he sought it his entire life? Had there ever been a childhood, a process? Introspection was impossible now. At the periphery of his insect-like single-mindedness, he was almost conscious of being closer than he'd ever been. She said a word he didn't know, then. "Wetigo. A cannibal:' "You have to be human to be a cannibal:' The words came out before he could stop them and they hung in the air, strung on his discomfort. "Anyway, he has something that belongs to me:' He stretched, his back popping like firecrackers. He thought of the man who had traded Omar Khayyam's Rubaiyat with him, and the words that the old man spoke to himself-words Sean had heard as he moved inexorably towards his next assignation. TrainDoc didn't have the right of it, though: it wasn't his storm that blew him from town to town, collapsing lives and leaving ruin. It was the Dry Fella, destroying his backtrail with a monstrous joy. And that this road should end in one place on his life's and body's map, and not the next-why not Hemet? Or

Turlock? Or Ridgecrest? Perhaps things came to a head here, was all. The dance of the cigarettes and hearts, like a bomb exploding to suddenly illuminate a landscape-this time all the lights were green, all the arcane locks were yielding to the keys he'd tried in other doors with insistent, fruitless desperation. Who would he be when the final door opened? Could he stand that pitiless truth? He became aware of eyes at his back and turned to face the boy, who held the clarinet down and slightly out from his side, thumb forward, wrist loose enough to whip the instrument off whatever threatened to trouble him. Sean raised his hand in a Hey-Buddy! gesture and the boy-who was striving for as much badassery as a ten-year-old could muster-sensing no threat, broke and ran to the woman and the baby. Sean moved to the doorway to look back outside at the verdant path he'd come down, the blown flowers and fecund nightshades. He heard the woman talking quietly with the boy; he fancied he heard her saying that she'd given the stranger the gift of victory with her blood, as he'd returned something stolen that would strengthen and protect their family, their people. Well, that was all right. Cradling the baby in its wrap, she walked slowly and carefully to Sean as he stood in the doorway. The smell of dry rot, of lavender, of attics, was sharp in his nose as she stood to his side, looking out with him. Presently the coppery smell of her blood joined them there. "My man died, but my family has been dying here for a thousand years. I've got people going back for a thousand years up in the Buttes, and the Dry Fella has no one. But now he has you. I don't think he wants you much:'

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REVIEWS

KAZ! by Kaz!

KAZ MATAZ

Inside The

Eyewall Bear & Moose by Tommy Diestel cryptic vocals hide nuggets of knowledge and life lessons in lyrics shrouded with reverb and effects. If you 're looking for From the opening tones of droning feedback, to spastic drum beats and driving more of a "nothing to do about anything" guitar, it's apparent Portland-based rock duo just-for-fun song, then check out "Days of Bear & Moose are onto something. Upbeat the Week," a nonsensical song about (you guessed it) the days of the week. Whether and downtempo tracks create an eerie juxtaposition between songs, like a trek singing about life 's deepest mysteries, or through a dark psychedelic bog followed for lighter laughs, Bear & Moose find new ways to keep their music interesting. And by a trip to the clouds. Bright melodies, while mainstream commercial success may crunchy surf-punk guitar riffs, and catchy be light-years away, Bear & Moose have synth lines combined with fat garage-rock struck indie-rock gold with their album beats creates the sonic atmosphere of Bear & Moose-all the more impressive Inside the Eyewall. Be sure to keep your when taken into account that it's only eyewalls peeled for this Portland rock duo two dudes making all this noise. Spacey, in the future.

Hi, I'm Kaz! You might remember me from a few weeks ago, but I don't remember you because we never met. This is just a column where I write and you read it, not an actual conversation. I didn't go to college, because I'm a cat, but I still have advice to give you.

Number one: Be a cat. It's pretty easy, just have fur and paws and sleep a lot. Sometimes you wake up and eat, but usually you don't. Number two: Things can be confusing, so it's a good idea to be a cat. When you're a cat you can just stare into space with really big eyes until stuff gets blurry, and then you just close them and go to sleep. Number three: Don't accept paradigms of good and evil. Life is a blur of multi-faceted morality; what is good in one circumstance can be bad in another, or maybe there's just no harm or good in it at all. Consider the usefulness of any given decision to your personal greater goals, and judge the "rightness" of that decision for yourself. Don't forget that your community is your support system, and what affects them will shape your environment. I like to eat flies, and that is right for me.

Number four: I have four toes on each paw. I don't count the dew claw.

Big Sur Bill Frisell by Jamie O'Neill

Number five: Be careful with catnip. Sometimes I really, really like catnip, and I get so crazy I rub my face all over everything and freak out, but then I fall down off my cat tree and look really stupid. People laugh and it hurts my feelings. Number six: Eat your feelings. If you get sad just eat and eat and eat. When people call you fat and say you shouldn't eat so much, they are just jealous, because you will be walking around wearing a comfy pillow of fat to sleep on. Number seven: Get some sleep. If you don't sleep enough you will be tired, and then you might fall asleep by accident. Number eight: Be nice. People like it when you're nice. Don't ride your bike on the sidewalk. It's a sidewalk, not a sidebike! I can't ride a bike, so I just drive.

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help but think how nice it would have been to hear it there on a warm, late summer's evening where so much good music has graced my ears. But hearing it at home on a gorgeous early-summer morning was the More than two decades ago, one of my next best thing; watching the hummingbirds daughter's boyfriends gave me a Bill Frisell at the feeder provided a visual accent to the CD in an attempt to ingratiate himself with loveliness of these compositions (written his girlfriend's old man. I didn't like the by guitarist Frisell when he was staying kid much, and that may have influenced my at Glen Deven Ranch in Big Sur). The reaction to the album, which I also didn't beauty of that place surely helped inspire like much. That unfair, negative reaction the beauty found in these songs, and in may have kept me from appreciating a lot the performance of them by the Big Sur of good music-and it surely made me less Quintet. All 19 of these compositions make enthusiastic about reviewing this current reference to the place where they were Bill Frisell release-but damn me ifl written, and anyone planning to drive down didn't overcome my irrational prejudices to the coastal highway this summer would be find myself really liking this album. All the crazy not to have this album playing in the music on it was first performed last year at car as they took that ride. the Monterey Jazz Festival, and I couldn't AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

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ARIES

GEMINI

LEO

LIBRA

SAGITTARIUS

AQUARIUS

A changing of the guard takes place this week. The sun moves out of your fifth house of creativity into your sixth house of service work, health issues, and working with others. Pace yourself, as it's easy to overwork and to become overwhelmed. The full moon on Tuesday may be a good excuse for a spontaneous party. Helpful friends are in contact with you towards the beginning of the week. Venus in your seventh house is making you easier to love. The moon is in Aries on Friday and Saturday.

We begin the week with a full moon vibe on both Monday and Tuesday, giving you a sense of wanderlust and a desire to get out of Dodge. Wednesday and Thursday have more to to with your career happenings. There is knowledge, and then there is higher know!edge. Let's face it; some things are not worth knowing. Be more aware of the needs in your own family. Be happy to help, slow to judge, and respectful of what your ancestors went through to bring you to this place.

You have three and a half days left in your season. The full moon will be in your seventh house, stimulating romance, partnerships, contracts, and open enemies. By mid-week you'll be feeling the shift where money, food, and self-image seem to take precedence over your latest ambition. Friday and Saturday are the highlights, with the moon in your ninth house stimulating good fortune, education, and a knack for seeing things in the highest light Traveling is encouraged

Enjoy what you have while you have it. You'll find the heights of love, creativity, and playfulness to be escalated by the full moon. Your social life eventually leads to your karmic life. Things you wish to keep secret become more evident to you. Friday and Saturday look romantic with the moon in your seventh house, giving you a sense of balance. Venus in your first house is making you more desirable to others. Pay more attention to your subconscious and pay your debts.

The thrill of learning continues. Realize that everything we own is essentially borrowed for the short time we are on earth. It's best to be debt -free. In reality, we owe our parents for much of what we have. The full moon emphasizes environment, communication, and neighborhood happenings. Career possibilities begin to open up for you. You are more likely to be in the public eye. Be methodical and don't skip steps. Friday and Saturday look like your best days for creative work.

On Monday and Tuesday the moon will be in your sign, becoming full late Tuesday afternoon. You are good at encouraging others to do things differently. You are more equipped to address challenges. Your intuition is up as the sun heads into your eighth house. Sexual fantasies are just easier to come by. The weekend looks good for travel. Be sure to scan the want-ads on Sunday as new career opportunities are more likely to come up.

TAURUS

CANCER

VIRGO

SCORPIO

CAPRICORN

PISCES

Things begin to be fun once again. Focus on work and performance for the first couple of days this week-you're most likely to manifest something then. Family issues are still in the news, however the

Confidence will be restored as long as you keep on trying, and you keep on being ready to grow. It's back to learning and back to school. You have enough drive and backbone to make it. Get the word "can't'' out of your vocabu-

Just when life seems like it's becoming too hard to take, a light dawns; your wit and wisdom are needed once again. Look for the good and praise it. Try to manifest more than just dust in the wind. The full moon tests your health as well as your ability to work with others. Mid-week, things could turn into romance. By the weekend, the breathing could get hot and heavy. Sunday will feel uplifting, prompting an excursion into the wild or simply someplace that is new to you.

This week's shift is from responsibility to positive social contacts. We begin with the full moon prompting family issues. Your memory is sharp and you see how history helps to create the present. Your sense of curiosity about things remains high. Keep on exploring. Wednesday and Thursday have a creative and open-hearted vibe. Friday and Saturday are good for getting organized. Sunday is the best day for romance, negotiations and facing challenges.

Things are about to get interesting. You can no longer play the victim role and get away with it. It's time to take an intelligent and well-researched approach to your challenges. On the bright side, you have positive people in your corner who are willing to help you. Try to love those who seem hardest to love. When you seek out people's good qualities, your own self-esteem goes up. The full moon is about money and self image. By Sunday you'll have a better game plan.

The full moon may have much to do with personal karma Do some inner work and clean out the cob-

focus is more on children. Sunday will surely be your fun-day with the moon in Taurus. People begin to relax and get real. Creative expression will be easier to come by. Find a purpose through loving and serving others. Love and forgiveness can work magic.

lary. Enjoyworkingwith your hands. The full moon combines desire-and letting go-with an exotic experience. Financial issues become less and learning to get along with the neighbors becomes more. Your communication skills improve.

webs of unforgiving resentment and bitterness. Forgive yourself for putting yourself in those situations. A new life is coming your way. Partnership, romance, a new job, or a contract will be more likely. The moon is in Pisces on Wednesday and Thursday. Your sense of direction is keen, and you are ready for new challenges that will ultimately lead to more opportunities.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Michael Leitner 8/24/56, Dan Robles 8/25/49 Koz McKev is on You Tube, on cable 11 BCTV, is heard on 90.lFM KZFR Chico, and also available by appointment for personal horoscopes. Call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net

GREAT SUMMER READ Winter Melon, written by local writer Bill Wong Foey A defiant and passionate young woman survives the Rape of Nanking in this debut novel. Voted Book of the Month for July by Lyons Books "Lives of Asia" book group.

FE I

In paperback online at Amazon.com and Lyons Book Store, 135 Main Street, or as an e-book from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple iTunes and DirectMusicCafe.

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AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2013

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Synthesis Weekly Aug 19-25, 2013