ISSUE #6

ISSUE 6

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CONTRIBUTE TO SWINE. NEWS FEATURES REVIEWS CREATIVE

DESIGN PHOTOGRAPHY ART

Contributions are open to university and college students, and alumni. news/features/reviews/creative: editor@media.ssu.org.au design/art/photography: design@media.ssu.org.au

SWINE

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A-Z: Sex Positions

Furries.

Time for Negotiable Affection.

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THE Test.

Reviews

Chains and Whips Excite Me, and Quite Possible You.

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A Period Piece.

Creative: Rosie Becker

SWINE Issue. 6 Published July 2015 www.swinemagazine.org.au 3

Team

NICHOLAS KENNEDY

PEDRO COORAY

JONATHAN BOADLE

EDITOR IN CHIEF

MANAGING EDITOR

SECRETARY/EDITOR

21 year old journalism student seeks possible employment literally anywhere. Except Grill’d.

22/m/forest. Interests: sitting down, caressing leather couches, looking up justaucorps prices on Gumtree. Looking for same.

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A ship in the harbour is safe... but that is not what ships are built for.

SWINE

ELOISE RETALLICK

Matt YOUNG

JAMEEL SARGENT

DESIGNER

DISTRIBUTION / PROMOTION

ADVERTISING MANAGER

Constantly seeking buoys in the ocean that is this world, to keep me afloat when my legs get tired of swimming.

Matt Young is a relentlessly selfimproving narcissist. He enjoys taking vitamins, writing jokes, and talking to himself. If you enjoy his work, don’t tell him it’ll go right to his head.

I am a sweedish girl currently studying abroad, looking to be shown around Melbourne by a special someone.

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Contributors

WRITing SOPHIE TEAGUE ZANE CLARK DARBY SAVAGE NICHOLAS KENNEDY PEDRO COORAY MATT YOUNG JONATHAN BOADLE INTERVIEWs ANONYMOUS SWINBURNE MEDICAL PHOTOGRAPHy SOURCED FROM FLICKR ILLUSTRATion ELOISE RETALLICK SARAH RYAN COVER ART ZOE EVERIST

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Editorial.

Welcome to SWINE #6. It was a bit of a mad rush to get this one out in time. Turns out coupling the time it takes to do six university courses with the time it takes to create the best damn university magazine you ever laid your darn eyes on creates a bit of tension in the scheduling department; but regardless, here we are, ready and rearing with some pages of taboo mysticism for you.

SWINE #6 has it all. Kink, furries, government sanctioned relationship fiction. Just turn to any page and get lost in the exceedingly honest writing we have on display here. Or, you could learn a thing or two about sexual health with help from Matilda Jessen in our SwinHealth article.

Or, you could keep reading this editorial, which is the worst decision you could have made, so bad call on that one, I suppose.

A little mention was made on Stalker-Space about the content and possible censorship of SWINE. I wanted to mention this and make clear that SWINE has never, and will never, engage in the censorship of students work that is submitted and published by us. If you have a piece of work that you think butts heads with the status quo, let us know! We love reading the work people send us, and after all, SWINE stands for student expression.

Thanks for reading.

Nicholas Kennedy, Editor in Chief.

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A - Z: Sex Positions

A-Z Sex Positions.

These positions are not drawn from any credible source. They have not been tested and we deny responsibility for any injury resulting from your actions upon reading.

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The Aeroplane

The Butt Rub

The Classroom

Dinosaur Style Similar to doggy style, but you’ve gotta do the arms.

The Elements Sex outside, mostly.

The Fossil Do it in a hole, while a friend shovels dirt on top of you.

The Goanna Intermittently lick the back of your partner’s neck.

The Harry Potter Sex standing up but with a broom.

SWINE

The Instagram Constant selfies throughout.

Jaws Swim under the sheets singing: Bum bum..

Bum bum.. BUM BUM!

The Kit Kat Take a break. This is mostly a foot-based move.

The Leprechaun Find the foot of a rainbow and go to town.

Missionary We all have to start somewhere.

The Nick Cage Everything is on fire!

The Over and Out Like phone sex but on walkie talkies and with a heck of a lot more military procedure.

Planking The Quizmaster First one to move loses. You will need a powerpoint, a pointer and a projector.

The rest is up to you.

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A - Z: Sex Positions

Reverse Sex Put a vagina inside a penis.

The Swinburne Roleplay: George and Ethel.

The Titanic Ice penetrates the hull of the ship, the cabins flood.

The Universe Orbit one another from a distance of lightyears.

The Vuvuzela

The Where’s Wally You gotta find ‘em first.

The X-ray Bring in the skeleton.

Your favourite.

The Zodiac Do your best to incorporate a crab, a goat, a scorpion and a lion.

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SWINE

“... I see it as an idealised sense of self, but for others it’s a character... or it’s just something that they think is cool.”

Interview by Pedro Cooray.

Disclosure: the subject of the interview has asked to remain anonymous.

Before we start, is using the term “furries” offensive? Is there another term you’d prefer?

Nope, it’s not. Furries are furries. Generally, it gets abbreviated to “furs”.

“Furries” is generally used within the context of selfdenigration (For example, “Furries ruin everything!” or “Ugh, furries!”), or when talking about the culture as a whole. There’re various

subsections of the furry fandom, each with their own overlap with other subcultures, but the name “furries” has stuck.

give you is that most people within the fandom enjoy the creation and expression of anthropomorphised versions of animals. These expressions can be selfSo, what is the furry created, or developed fandom? The popular versions of mainstream perception is of people media representations. Also who wear animal suits yes, furries have sex with and engage in sexual acts. each other. Just like every How does that compare to other subculture. Some of reality? them probably wear their fursuits when doing so, but Really, it’s a mixture of I don’t think those people both. If you ask twenty are in the majority. I would furries about what makes hazard a guess that it’s them a furry, you’ll get thirty different answers. The partially because you want most general answer I can a quickie and the things are 11

Furries

Tim Brockley, Furries, April 12, 2014.

Tim Brockley, Furries, September 13, 2014.

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SWINE just so fucking difficult to take off.

Would you consider it a fetish?

Sure. It definitely can be.

It even overlaps with other fetishes. Those leather or rubber dog masks that BDSM shops sell?

Oftentimes you’ll have furs wearing them at the more…“adult” meetups (or at venues where that kind of attire is appropriate). But you can have people who are vehemently asexual and do not consider it a fetish in the slightest, who just think cat ears are neat and like having an idealised anthropomorphised caricature of themselves.

Experiences vary a whole bunch.

How easy is it to meet other furs?

I’ll be honest, I’m fairly certain that if you’re even slightly involved in the internet or IT, you know a furry, or have been impacted by one. I know for a fact that there is an internal newsletter within the Google offices targeted at furries. We’re currently in the time in the fandom where furries are having children, and even grandchildren. Furries who enter the fandom of their own accord are growing

up and forming their own careers and identities.

Some of them drift out of the fandom, some of them keep in touch with people that they know and form their own little sub-groups.

It’s startling how much of my own social circle are furs that I met outside the fandom or is somehow connected to it.

to animators and artists.

Could you elaborate on some of the different subsections of the fandom?

Usually, it splits along how it interacts with other subcultures. You have, for example, the gothy furs, or the electronic dance music furs, and then they split within themselves. So really, it’s not too different In the past, if you wanted to from any other collection get involved in the fandom, of people, in that you have Google searches would lead cliques form. But it’s not you to last-century social as cliquey as many other media services, where subcultures are, because you could get involved you do have an intermixing and establish an offline between those groups. presence. This is probably what caused a lot of furs to You mentioned how be technically minded; you different furry social had to be, in order to get groups differ from one involved. Nowadays, a lot another based on location. of the activity has moved How so? towards platforms such “Dif-fur from one another” – as Facebook, Twitter and ha! When you look at it from Tumblr. an international context, Oftentimes, there are social groups will be different gatherings in your local based upon the population area. These can vary, being of furs you have within the on a state level, such as area, how these people are Victoria, or on a locality organised, and just random area, such as the Northeast chance. suburbs. Usually, there’s Obviously, all social circles some sort of major furry conference held on a yearly are going to be different. I can tell you, for example, basis that covers a wide the Melbourne group is area, held at least once more focused on small a year. These can vary gatherings, with a large from being a larger-thanconference towards the usual meetup, to a full-out conference with invitations end of the year. In America, because their population 13

Furries isn’t as centralised, a lot of their interaction happens over the internet, then people travel to meet with one another. And in Japan, you tend to have an overlap with anime cultures.

But yeah, they’re everywhere. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

How does one decide on a fursuit for themselves?

I think you’re overestimating the importance of a fursuit.

thing?”

“I spent $3000 on it. No way in hell.”

That said, you’ll find most furs will take to wearing a pair of cat ears, or the like, at some point in time. It’s almost shamanistic in a way, to sound absolutely ridiculous, how it differs based on your own personal experiences and how you define it within yourself.

come to around $200.

If you’re looking for a custom suit, it can start to get up there. When you start including things like animatronics, then it does get more expensive.

If you just want to look like a wolf, it’s going to cost around $300, but if you want to look like a sparkly wolf with glowing eyes and a moving jaw, it’s going to cost more. You also have people who will simply purchase the head and make it themselves, which won’t be too expensive.

You kind of answered my next question. I was going to ask if it’s more a A fursuit is “I want to persona you adopt, or if dress up in something it’s something you feel is But once again, I think that fluffy that looks like an innately a part of you. But I the perception of how many animal character of my guess it depends based on furs actually wear fursuits own design”, and that isn’t the person? is much greater than the necessarily the essence of amount of furs that a) have how a lot of furries define For myself, I see it as an them and b) wear them. I themselves. Generally, idealised sense of self, but they define themselves as for others it’s a character; a know people who’ve tried them, because frankly, if having an anthropomorphic character that they adopt, your friend has a mascot character of their own or a character that is an costume, wouldn’t you want design, or a design that idealised sense of self. Or to try it on? they’ve taken from another they might have multiple person, or just some sort of characters, or it’s just Lastly, is there anything anthropomorphized thing… something that they think is else that you want to add, that has ears. And a tail. Or cool. It does depend based or comment on? not even that, because you on the person. have scaly sorts as well.

The community is quite I was skimming Ebay the unique in terms of who is Fursuits are actually a other day, and I saw a suit accepted within it. I can relatively minor thing within for around $200. Which guarantee that we’re going the furry fandom. It makes seemed like a lot of money, to have nutcases, and we for good television, which but you just said three always will, but all social is why you see it on CSI. I grand. circles will. But in general, think there’s a joke that if you’re someone who’s It varies. You can have goes around that goes: curious about this, then the prefabricated ones, which community’s going to be “Do you have sex in that are basic, which would 14

SWINE

Tim Brockley, Pitcture with the Furries, April 12, 2014.

very welcoming to you.

It’s startling how many transgender people come within the community, who thought they were going to be admonished for it, as they are in every single other community, who’ve gone, “No, they’re perfectly accepting of me.” But I guess if you’re the kind of person who has an idealised anthropomorphised version of yourself, you’re going to be fairly open minded when

it comes to people with other identity issues.

If you do want to become involved in the fandom, for whatever reason, there are various groups that do it. I know the major one is Melbourne Furs. And there’s actually a surprising amount of people who go to Swinburne who’re in the community; I’d say Swinburne is one of the more furry universities out there.

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Time for Negotiable Affection

Time For Negotiable Affection The first thing we should clarify is that I have no interest in being “saved� by the well-meaning, but hopelessly naive moralisers who think my chosen line of work is due to some victimhood. The only one I turn tricks for is me.

And the (proverbial) Man, obviously.

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SWINE Words: Zane Clark

guess, in this particular line derive consistent income. of work, it’s like using your The second thing we should We kiss goodbye, not with office’s pre-paid envelopes, get into, before we discuss any particular passion, or raiding the stationery. anything else, is that I’m but not with any real not exceptional to look at.

The music in the brusqueness, either.

People tell me I have nice background is mine, but the It’s friendly, lingers for eyes, and a friendly smile. speakers are his. So is the about ten seconds, and My nose, framed between citrus-scented candle, and with slightly parted lips. high cheekbones, is a bit (in this case) the beguiling, It took me a few tries to too long, my hairline is a intricate water-colours on get the balance between bit too high, and my lips the wall above the bed. His professionalism and dominate the lower half own work, I’m told, as a familiarity right, in the of my face, resting above modest blush touches the farewell. It’s orchestrated, a jaw which juts a bit too top of his cheekbones like of course; but that doesn’t much; all of it balanced on sunburn. His face brought mean it’s disingenuous. a long neck, which is a bit endearingly to life by a With any luck, he’ll be a too slim. At 177cm, I’m of smile of enthusiasm. repeat client. a slightly above-average Speaking to these height, and predisposed to The worst part of the job fascinating men and women be slight, but meso-morphic is people who assume is the best part.

– nothing spectacular. you need saving. I don’t Of course, the money is see them again. The The effect, I’m told, isn’t the best part after the fact. condescension and the unpleasant; perhaps it For two hours of my time, infantilising tone they take might even be striking; but in a professional capacity, are enough to make me it’s hardly of vanishingly it’ll cost you more than shrivel, even when I haven’t rare beauty. a fortnight’s worth of recently had recreational It’s not my looks that butter AUStudy. sex. my bread, though. To do This hoe’s gotta eat, after They’re prevalent online, what I do, you have to be all. too. able to put people at their ease, and to find the beauty I don’t normally clockAfter their initial shock in everyone. They need to watch, and I would love to that I’m the provider, not know that you can see it, or stay speaking to him for the client (an idea founded they won’t believe it. hours. The conversation in patriarchal notions of flows naturally and easily. sexuality and the Madonna/ Rolling over and just taking He’s not-bad looking, whore complex intersecting it is a great way to find reasonably young, perhaps with the myth of constant oneself out-competed. thirty-five. He has strong male sexual availability), The money isn’t the best hands, with broad fingertips the typical response is part, during. Neither is and long digits. pity, revulsion, or lame it the thrill, nor even the attempts to shame. What’s Unfortunately, I need to release at the end. That the most anger-inducing, get to my second place of stuff’s just the perks. I though, is the pervasive employment, from which I 17

Time for Negotiable Affection assumption that what I do has any connection with slavery of any kind (usually insinuations made by women).

e-mail is unusual, for a few reasons.

offering you? Eres estupida para pasar tiempo una mayora! All I give you is excellent wine, but this...”

There’s another, from a regular client whom I haven’t seen in a while.

“Talvez.”

The main industry involved She’s an attractive I still haven’t decided if he with forced labour is the Argentine woman in her can paint me. agricultural industry, forties. She likes the same for sheer numbers. But kind of wines I do, and questioning that doesn’t provides an opportunity to have the same kind of brush up my Spanish. Time attraction or convenience of with her is always short; a moral panic around sex, she’s busy: that’s why she because it means the pearl- employs me. Sometimes, clutchers might experience we don’t have sex. She just inconvenience. wants intimacy she hasn’t time to cultivate elsewhere.

The petty part of me thinks this stems from a kind of I reply to confirm a booking jealousy – the only pearl with one, but tell the other necklace they’ll ever get is I’m unavailable for a little one they can clutch at: while. The reply comes back faster than I’d expected: “What would your mother Some other time. I enjoy think?” your company.

“She knows. She supports She swirled the syrahit. She thinks it’s great that blend in her glass, redI can do something I enjoy, brown eyes peering out and get paid for it. Cute try, from beneath dark brows, though.” breasts bare to the sun in the hotel room windows.

The pickets around their pastel suburban nightmares The view from this height is spectacular. So is she. look like prison bars, from the outside. The pitterI don’t normally discuss patter of little feet down the clients with one another, corridor belongs to their but she’s become a friend. captors.

“You should reply to him.

A few days later, a message It’s extremely flattering!” to my alias appears in the She has a deep, breathy e-mail I have set up for this voice. purpose only. It’s the artist, again. Fond recollections of “Really?” his big, firm hands on my “Si, guapo. The gift he’s sides come back to me. His 18

THE Test.

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STI Testing

An interview/article on STI testing at the Swinburne Medical Centre.

People hate seeing medical professionals, for whatever reason.

Perhaps it’s in the confronting of the fact that yes, we are indeed humans and stuff can go wrong, and when it comes to sexual health, that’s probably one of the last places young people are okay with confronting the idea that things can break, shut down, or start leaking weird substances.

So it’s also no surprise that there is plenty of misinformation and fear for people trying to understand the big bad world of sexual health, diseases, and infections.

I met up with Matilda Jessen from Swinburne’s Health Services to discuss the on sexual health services available to students at the SwinHealth Medical Clinic.

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SWINE Words: Nicholas Kennedy The first thing Matilda makes clear about getting a sexual health check is that usually, unless you run in with blood shooting out of your genitals, you’re going to get the same set of questions as everybody else, and chances are they’re not going to require much other than a urine sample. The questions cover things like, first and foremost, why you’ve made an appointment, your last sexual partner, if you use protection, whether you’re engaging in homosexual or heterosexual sex; that sort of thing.

a bathroom. Being gay or transgendered changes things slightly though; since those engaging in homosexual sex have generally a higher risk of blood borne viruses (BBV), and may need to give a throat, anal, or urethral swab. Again though, these swabs can be done entirely on your own (with perhaps some pantomimed instruction if you need help).

Sorry, where was I? Asking about the frequency of asymptomatic or symptomatic patients, Matilda says it’s roughly 50/50, which honestly is a good sign. The fact that people get checked out regardless of symptoms is smart, especially considering the fact that a normal person should be getting screened once a year for things like chlamydia, an STI which is represented mostly in the 15-29 age bracket, with people that age making up 80% of those infected.

Symptomatic patients are a different story though, but you’ll be surprised to know that most cases that go beyond peeing into a cup Matilda, and those like usually just involve an exam her, are a godsend to the of around 5 minutes of your The key here is student body of Swinburne, downstairs situation. deciding whether and the help she provides you are symptomatic Being concerned about is important to everybody or asymptomatic. someone like Matilda, who engaging in sexual Asymptomatic meaning literally looks at genitals for intercourse, no matter their there is a lack of evidence/ a living, checking you out partner. If you, or someone symptoms that anything so don’t lose your ability you know, is currently is actually wrong with you to have sexy fun-times is dealing with what they think in the first place. That something understandable, might be an STI, or simply said, being asymptomatic but in todays society of free something that doesn’t doesn’t mean getting a test sexual expression and the seem right, get in contact is a waste of time; what breaking down of taboos with Swinburne Health you might be hoping is just surrounding genitalia (they Services on (03) 9214 some redness or soreness really are ridiculous/great/ 8483, or you can simply from excessively tight pants funny af), Matilda is right at find more information on could be something slightly home. I imagine she views the Swinburne website, more problematic. a penis or vagina with a (swinburne.edu.au/stuserv/ sort of analytical calmness. health/).

Matilda says that if you’re Each penis is a puzzle, asymptomatic, the most each vagina an enigma, you’ll need to give is a urine and she’s gonna crack that sample which you can do code. yourself in the privacy of 21

Reviews

Reviews Music: Summertime ‘06 Vince Staples Slow Gum Fraser A. Gorman Films: Dude Bro Party Massacre III

SUMMERTIME '06 VINCE STAPLES

SLOW GUM FRASER A. GORMAN

The short time in which Vince Staple’s popularity has risen can easily be linked to his uniquely visceral rapping and wordplay. This skill is honed to a tee on the rapper’s debut LP which curiously moulds itself around puffed-chest Mafioso themes and socially conscious lyricism. But hip-hop sceptics shouldn’t be frightened off so quickly; the ambitious production is what wins the day here.

Where Staples could’ve easily tangled himself in a self-indulging knot of Wayne-esque braggadocio, the skeletal and glitchy electronics are enough to capture the listener’s attention and keep it there for the remainder of this deeply provocative record.

- Nicholas Kennedy

He looks like Dylan and goes like Nelson. Fraser A. Gorman is Melbourne’s latest musical trailblazer, whose folk-meets-country style makes for a pleasant listen on his debut, Slow Gum. Although no one’s expecting a momentous sonic assembly here, the record is still incessantly satisfying, with such gems as “Never Gonna Hold You (Like I Do)” and “Shiny Gun” ensuring no toes are left un-tapped. Slow Gum is still not without its more routine and forgettable moments, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be listened to as the solid bums-down, feet-up record that it is. Local music is good music, people.

- Nicholas Kennedy

Hot Girls Wanted Slow West Books: Very Good Lives The Silk Road Testament of Youth

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SWINE

DUDE BRO PARTY MASSACRE III TOMM JACOBSEN, MICHAEL ROUSSELET, JON SALMON ALEC OWEN, PATRICK OSWALT, PAUL PRADO

HOT GIRLS WANTED JILL BAUER, RONNA GRADUS FARRAH ABRAHAM, JOHN ANTHONY, RACHEL BERNARD

SLOW WEST JOHN MACLEAN MICHAEL FASSBENDER, KODI SMIT-MCHPEE

The first feature film by online darlings 5SecondFilms. The sequel to two (non-existent) horror films, DBPM3 sees fraternity newcomer Brent investigate the death of his brother at the hands of the brutal killer known only as Motherface. Frequent, outrageous violence aside, this is a comedy. The film is a parody of horror movies, 80s movies, college movies, all movies, and masculinity in general. Despite the competent (at best) acting, the film is a showcase of excellent writing, humour, and practical effects work.

When describing Dude Bro Party Massacre III, the words “indie” and “movie” have never been more apt.

- Pedro Cooray

This documentary follows a group of young women who have recently entered the world of amateur pornography. This is an intimate, unflinching look at the industry; exploring why people decide to get in, why they stay, and why they leave. Observations of niches (such as the prevalence of “abuse” porn) and interviews with family members attempt to provide a well-rounded view of the industry; unfortunately, the tone uncertainly flits between opinions throughout, making it unclear if the film’s ultimate message is a condemnation of specific parts of the industry, of pornography at large, or of sex positivity.

- Pedro Cooray

Slow West, a meticulous and visually vivid portrayal of a 1800s Western America, is direct and uncompromising in the way it draws its characters.

Kodi Smit-McPhee and Michael Fassbender are brought together in a blur of violence, a deal is struck, and the road stretches out before them.

Fassbender plays a gritty ex-but-perhaps-not-so-ex bounty hunter leading a perpetually naive SmitMcPhee to his lost love “somewhere out west”, but its the small interactions and conversations first time director John Maclean fosters between happenstance individuals that form Slow West into a believable and relatable world, making its bloody ending very worthwhile.

- Nicholas Kennedy

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Reviews

VERY GOOD LIVES J. K. ROWLING

THE SILK ROAD EILEEN ORMSBY

TESTAMENT OF YOUTH VERA BRITTAIN

‘Very Good Lives’ is based on the 2008 commencement address author J.K. Rowling gave to Harvard University.

Rowling seeks to explore two overlooked concerns: the ‘fringe benefits of failure’ and the ‘importance of imagination’. Rowling implies that to lead a meaningful life one must risk the inevitability of failure for “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.” Strictly uplifting and powerful, her words reaffirm society that hardship prepares ordinary people for extraordinary things.

- ***

The most wanted man by the FBI, only known by his online alias ‘Dread Pirate Roberts’, controlled the largest drug trafficking empire in the world.

From the comfort of his computer chair, DPR started a movement in the ‘dark web’ that would change the way drug users bought and sold narcotics forever.

Australian author Eileen Ormsby takes you on a chronological rollercoaster of the most notorious online drug market – the journey, the triumph, the demise. The book can seem repetitive at times, with a lack of structure, but just remember it is not a novel; it is an attempt to put together a puzzle that even the best law enforcement entities in the world will never have all the pieces to.

- Jonathan Boadle

The novel is based on the confronting experiences of Vera Brittain, dedicated to those she lost in the Great War. The story itself is not only one of remembrance, but rather one that mourns the loss of youth and thus, a wasted generation. It is a chronicle of survival, utter strength and enormous courage on Brittain’s behalf to maintain a sense of self and find purpose in a meaningless world. More importantly, it is a story so compelling and authentic it will, like the war itself, leave you feeling much changed.

- ***

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Chains and whips excite me, and quite possibly you.

The first thing that comes to the forefront of many people’s minds when you discuss kink and fetishes, is either the inexperienced that think the height of kinky is a satin blindfold or that 50 Shades is anywhere near truthful. Others think of seedy old men in leather hanging out in dirty bars sporting handlebar moustaches. Whilst these things are kinky to an extent, there are literally hundreds of different kinks and fetishes that get people going; and you could be one of those people.

The largest and fastest growing sector of the Melbourne Kink Community is not the bored housewives looking for their own ‘Mister Grey’, but the 18-25 year old bracket.

Why is this? Could it be the memory of Anne Hathaway or Halle Berry in those leather cat suits? How about Indiana Jones and that big thick whip of his? Or all that tight spandex, rubber, and handcuffs all the best superheroes are sporting?

Whether you’re into piss, puppy play, or pain, there is a kink for everyone.

Sometime in your life, you’re going to come across that partner who is into the craziest shit (sometimes literally), and you’ll learn a whole new host of tricks. There is nothing wrong with that though.

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Chains and Whips Excite Me Words: Darby Savage

I have had experiences where guys have wanted to I’m a big kinkster myself. be my full time slave; which And I am not ashamed to for me is not feasible. I have admit it because it is a big a double degree to do, I part of what I do in my have a social life to keep up private life. I’m an 18-yearwith (You miss one night old Dom Master. I’m all out with the gays, and they about textiles, financial never invite you out again) domination, bondage, pain, and I just don’t have the piss, slaves, fisting, needles, time for it. Admittedly, it is human puppies, human nice to have a guy dressed objects, sensory deprivation up in a maid’s outfit and humiliation. I’ve been cleaning your house and doing this sort of stuff for bringing you food. a few years now, and I’ve dabbled in so many areas There are often guys that I’d consider myself that I’ll go out on a date relatively experienced. with and then as soon as I tell them what I did Relationships can either on my weekend (Which work really well, or not at incidentally was win a best all when you’re a kinkster. dressed prize at a leather Often, there are people that party) they will check their want to live the lifestyle full watch (Even if they don’t have one) and say that they time. For example, friends of mine who were a couple have to get going. It’s not fun. consisting of one dom and one sub. The dom wanted it You can always date to be constrained to certain other kinksters that don’t times, but the sub wanted it want that full time power to be a 24/7 agreement. relationship. Sometime its nice, but more often than They decided to try it out, not, not all your kinks will so one day the sub came line up. They might be up with the idea that he into being cocooned in a wanted the dom to piss in vacuum tight rubber suit. a water bottle so he could You might not want to have take it to work with him. to run the vacuum. They The full time sub/dom might be into intra-penile relationship did not last saline injections, but you long for them and ended just might not want to dock just before their romantic with them or have it done relationship did. to you.

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Polyamorous relationships can be a lot better for this kind of thing. Not only do you have double the support and love, but you also have all your kinks overlapping so it is rare for someone to feel like they are not being catered for. I would love to have another one of those, but they aren’t seemingly as popular here as they are in other countries.

You don’t have to be in a relationship to explore your kinks though.

I love playing with my human hand puppets. I’m all about having such good control of someone that I can have them cleaning my house. I adore having a toy pick me up and drop me off at clubs on my whim.

I’m regularly using some mad Boy Scout skills to get someone tied up. I’m more than happy to talk about it because it is something we should be talking about.

Kink shaming is as bad in wider society, as bottom shaming is in the queer community or housewife shaming among females.

However, we are beginning to see its growing acceptance in mainstream culture and the gradual dissipation of the social stigma surrounding it. This was made especially clear

SWINE to me last week when I got my nipples pierced.

I went to a very reputable parlour. My friend came to get his done with me.

I was a lot calmer about the whole process than he was. As I was lying there getting marked up and prepared, my friend was pacing around the room looking at everything and generally getting in the way. My piercer, a midforties straight man turned to me and asked “Is he one of your (submissives)?” to which I reactively replied, “No, mine are much better behaved.”

That’s the first time for me in two situations.

The first, openly discussing kink in a non-kink situation (for me at least, I’m not sure about him) with the second being the first time I have talked about kink with someone that isn’t part of the queer community.

It was at this point I was forced to remember that Melbourne is easily the kinkiest city in Australia.

I swear that half of the population here must be on FetLife. We have clubs like Chains and HookedUp, shops like Eagle Leather, and kink parties happening every other weekend. You don’t have to go more than

15 minutes from Inner Melbourne to see a group of people dangling from trees by a set of hooks in their back. Kinks and fetishes are not just for queers and those that love us.

Out at these places mentioned above, there are often a lot of newcomers.

If you are that newcomer expect people to be a little cautious of you.

It’s not you, it’s us.

The kink community is often very insular.

There is a long history of persecution of the community and even inappropriate behavior within our own ranks which has led to the mantra that governs most people involved in kink; Safe. Sane. Consensual.

This is a concept that I believe should be spread everywhere. No matter what kind of sex or interpersonal interaction you are having, make sure it follows all three of those golden rules.

We have come into an age where it’s becoming more and more acceptable to talk about sex. It’s time to spread that to kink.

Ladies, it’s time to let the world know you’re a fiery

dominatrix that loves nothing more than having that special someone chained to that bed with a ball gag in.

Fellas, It’s ok to give up your internal need to be in control.

Everyone else, it’s ok to be you. If you just happen to love being encased in a rubber cocoon with only a tiny breathing hole, then you better start saving up.

Think about all the people that could be reading this.

You could be a submissive and not know it. You could really enjoy being shocked by electrodes. Ever thought of being chained up and hoisted halfway to the ceiling? Yes? You might enjoy being tied down to the bed and left alone in a dark room for seven hours.

Being kinky is fun, and the people reading this are the fastest growing demographic of that.

However you must remember that whatever you are doing, it must be what everyone involved wants to do. Be safe. Stay sane. There is nothing hotter than consent and only doing the legal things (pretty much everything).

Don’t just stay sexy, stay kinky.

Or both.

27

A Period Piece

A Period Piece.

Words: Matt Young When I was younger, I would get spontaneous nosebleeds. For no apparent reason blood would gush from my snout, shocking any nearby children unaccustomed to the sight of gore. But their surprise would quickly abate – “Why is your nose bleeding?” they would ask, handing me a tissue. Then they would continue about their business.

Week, surfing the crimson wave, a bloody waste of fucking time, on the rag, Communists in the funhouse, that time of the month.

Women loathe it, men fear it: the dreaded period.

The female loathing of menstruation is reasonable – from all accounts, the week-or-so of a period is an uncomfortable and often painful part of a woman’s monthly routine. The male It seems a reasonable fear, on the other hand, response to an unusual doubtlessly stems from incident: ensure the person the same root as most is okay, aid them if possible, other fears: we just don’t and resume your day as understand it. usual. And yet, relocate the So, what is a period? blood from nose to crotch Ask Barry, my fictional and its mere mention will representative of half the find the burliest of blokes population, and he’ll tell whimpering their way to the you, “It’s when a chick’s nearest pub. business bleeds once a A visit from Aunt Flo, Shark month. You shouldn’t bleed 28

unless ya’ve been cut.”

Nice try, Barry. There is blood involved, but it’s not just a pointless spew of plasma and hemoglobin like my aforementioned nosebleeds – menstruation serves an important biological purpose. I’ll put it this way; chickens have periods too, we take them with bacon.

Every month, females ovulate – they get one egg ready for baby-makin’.

If that egg fails to make baby, it’s excreted – that’s a period. Before you ask, Barry, women do not lay eggs.

Stigma has long abounded over menstruation, stretching back to biblical times. The Book of Leviticus – that wise tome that also finds time to promote slavery, rail against

SWINE homosexuality, and forbid the weaving of multiple cloths – is especially fond of declaring women on their period in a state of contagious “menstrual impurity”.

Nowadays, no-one’s going to be stoned to death for having their period, but that doesn’t render it a comfortable subject.

Luckily, uncomfortable subject matter is the bread and butter of great art.

reproductive material while men routinely do the same thing for pleasure. I know guys that masturbate twelve times a day – that’s fucking insane.

Imagine a world where, instead of choosing when to ejaculate, those guys just blew their load over and over again, at random, during a week each month.

It’d be like that Lonely Island song, except way less hilarious.

That doesn’t mean secrecy; it means ownership – the ability to do what you want with it. If someone wishes to speak about, or express something with their body, that’s their prerogative.

It is the rest of the world’s prerogative to act out of sympathy or antipathy, and either is justifiable.

No person has the authority to force their opinion on someone else, and no person has the responsibility to agree with Jen Lewis, self-proclaimed But if it happened to it. If you feel uncomfortable ‘conceptual artist & everyone, it’d be normal. talking about international menstrual designer’ creates It’d be status quo – “Why trade agreements and eerily beautiful pictures was Jim bucking and someone starts talking to out of her own period writhing in his chair at the you about international discharge, in a collection morning meeting?” “Oh, trade agreements, you can titled “Beauty in Blood”. must be his visit from Uncle acknowledge your feelings Swinburne film student Ali Buster.” “No dramas.” and change the subject.

Adriano’s short Dirty Girl If you feel uncomfortable “Best to avoid Greg for is based on the avoidance talking about periods, you the week, he’s surfing the and consequent acceptance can do the same. whitish wave.” of getting one’s period in public.

Men fear periods. It’s “A bloke could never lead something unknown; this country, they’d blow Stand-up comedienne the budget on Kleenex once something we don’t Chelsea Peretti argues understand and fear a month.” in her Netflix special One questioning thanks to of the Greats that men There’d be men that spoke the period’s mythological complain about female openly about it, men who reputation for breeding comics’ over-reliance on would rather keep it to fury. But really, this – the period for comedic themselves. Some men and any other source of fodder, while failing would crack wise, others discomfort – ought to be to recognise that they would condemn them, and treated like a spontaneous probably wouldn’t shut up a select few would probably nosebleed; if someone about it if blood spewed out make art from their own wants help, provide it. of their penis. cum.

If not, go about your business.

It’s somewhat unfair that What it comes down to, women suffer during the regardless of gender, is a monthly release of unspent matter of personal privacy.

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Creative: Rosie Becker

Rosie Becker

By Sophie Teague

30

SWINE

Rosie felt the earth beneath her feet; the grass worked its way between her toes and her soles darkened. As she walked she thought of Walter, a cold shiver jerking her back to consciousness. Today could mark the end of their three-year relationship.

Mabel spotted Rosie in the distance and beckoned her to put her shoes back on and follow. She knew she must go.

She recalled the newspaper headlines; ‘Divorce = No Children’ and ‘End Of The Human Race?’ It was obvious, fewer children were being born as a result of the epidemic of failing relationships, but no one bothered to listen, until they had no choice. Overnight a decision was made and implemented. It came in the form of a technological algorithm that could predict the romantic partners of each individual. This wasn’t brief flings or one-night stands, but rather long-term relationships.

On one cold winter night, Walter and Rosie had huddled on the couch to watch the broadcast. It appeared as with all things, harmless at first, until it was revealed that each person must pursue a relationship with one of the ‘desirables’ off their list.

The catch being, that your current partner may or may not appear as one of the so-called ‘desirables’. Rosie remembered this moment well, looking across at Walter and imagining another set of features upon his face. It was decided that on the first Saturday of the month, each person would collect their envelope, read their list, and make the appropriate arrangements.

At work there had been whispers of scepticism, but Rosie found that one day these voices disappeared and were replaced with words of anticipation, even one woman confessing her excitement at leaving her husband in pursuit of her ‘list lover’. It had begun.

Rosie gathered her thoughts, how long had she been standing here for? It felt as if she had barely moved, but as she looked behind her she saw how the line had grown, faces unrecognisable in the distance. Mabel was fidgeting in front of her, turning her necklace over and over in her right hand. It would become tangled, she would let it unravel and she would begin the process again.

The murmurs in the crowd grew; mundane conversations about the weather and work weaved amongst individual chatter. One tall man quietly spoke of rebelling and refusing to open his envelope, he said he didn’t want to know; it wasn’t something that was supposed to be known. Rosie agreed, but when she thought of her own list she couldn’t help but be curious and excited. Walter, she would remind herself, Walter.

‘Rosie,’ Mabel said.

‘Yes?’ ‘Jonathon told me this morning he actually wants to open his envelope,’ ‘Really?’ Rosie said, adding curiously, ‘Do you?’

‘No, of course not,’ Mabel drew in a sharp breath, ‘we’re married.’

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Creative: Rosie Becker ‘It’ll be okay,’ Rosie said, attempting to ease Mabel’s mind.

‘You don’t understand, you didn’t see his face.’

They stood there; she took Mabel’s hand in her own and gave it a squeeze. It seemed to comfort Mabel, this human contact, and for Rosie that was all she could offer.

Rosie’s head throbbed rhythmically; she had lain awake for most of the night with Walter beside her. There had been no familiar snores or ambiguous sounds, their minds too active to rest. Walter couldn’t retrieve his envelope until well past six that night.

He had been scheduled to work the entire day and had lingered in the apartment that morning, delaying the inevitable. She knew this would be killing him.

Fallen leaves had begun to catch in the wind and were now floating aimlessly in the atmosphere. The line had shortened and Mabel’s interjections were less frequent. Rosie concentrated, attempting to rid her mind of the image of her potential ‘perfect’ faceless man. She wanted to remember the time before all of this. The moment she fell in love with Walter.

They had only been together for a few short weeks and were sitting on the balcony at Mabel and Jonathon’s engagement party. Mabel insisted Rosie bring him to the event, as she was desperate to meet the man that occupied so much of her time. Walter was drinking red wine and the colour had begun to show on his teeth. What usually drove Rosie wild with anger was now endearing. They sat outside for a while, laughing nervously.

‘Do you think everyone has only one love?’ Walter asked.

‘Jeez, that’s heavy,’ Rosie said.

‘Yeah, you’re right, it kinda is,’ She cleared her throat, answering anyway, ‘well, most of the time I’d say no.’

He raised his brow, prompting her to continue.

‘But, I don’t know, I think that once you experience a certain kind of love, you know how to tell the difference.’

Walter ran his index finger around the rim of his wine glass and a soft sound began to hum. She watched him curiously, observing the hair growing beneath his chin and the sharp lines that formed around his mouth when he smiled. Her stare was broken as she felt Walter’s hand in her own; he tightened his grip.

‘I like that idea,’ he said.

He kissed her gently on the lips and lingered momentarily, inches from her face. They sat together, watching the drunken dancing fools, neither wanting to move an inch.

‘Mabel Stephens,’ the woman called.

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SWINE Mabel turned back to look at Rosie, eyes wide, she traced her way over to the desk. The woman found the letter, ruled a line through Mabel’s name and passed it casually over to her. Mabel turned and walked away, making a soft clicking sound as her heels met the linoleum floor.

Rosie could see the woman sorting through the envelopes, using her manicured fingernails to flick between each one. She chose to forget the musings she had heard over the past weeks, the punishments if one was to rebel. When someone had mentioned brainwashing she felt sick. The woman’s hand hovered over the letters and withdrew one single envelope.

‘Rosie Becker,’ she said.

She took a few steps forward. The woman handed the envelope over to her and marked her name off the list. The envelope was crisp and white. She opened the door and hurried over to a nearby seat. Staring at the envelope a soft thud could be heard from her chest. Mabel came over to her, interrupting. Her fingers flew from the seal and Mabel began to speak.

‘I’m not opening it,’ Mabel said, holding the envelope at a distance.

‘You have to,’ ‘Just take it for me, I don’t want it.’

Rosie saw that Mabel was desperate and she grabbed the envelope.

‘I’ll take care of it,’ Mabel nodded and left. They would find her tomorrow but Rosie knew she needed today. She watched as Mabel approached the corner, increasing her pace and running home.

She looked back at the envelope. Her name printed in cursive font on its face. She felt the paper that lay inside and ran her fingers along the sharp edges, testing the lists flexibility. Everything would change after she broke the seal.

It was a warm January night and the heat was still bearable. In the company of friends a card game was started at Rosie’s’ apartment. When the women were suitably intoxicated they felt an urge to do something exciting. This urge resulted in a long taxi ride into town, to a nearby bar. Rosie sat conservatively, hands together on her knees, politely watching the crowds of people she had never met before. At heart she desired to be torn away silently, leaving questions hanging in the air as to her disappearance.

Although, she knew no one would note her absence.

At half past ten a man entered the room, stealing her away from her daydreams. He removed his hands from his coat pockets and detached his outer layers, leaving a shirt, tie and pants to distract the eye. He was divine. He had a strong jawline with somewhat 33

Creative: Rosie Becker full cheeks that blew up like balloons when he laughed. She liked how he laughed. Rosie noted that her gaze was returned frequently and with this a sharp pain struck her right hand each and every time their eyes connected. He walked over. He said something that Rosie could not quite hear, not because of noise but because of astonishment. He tried again.

‘Can I sit?’ he said motioning to the seat beside her.

‘Sure,’ she said slowly.

‘I’m Walter, by the way,’ ‘I’m Rosie,’ They sat at the bar with the light flickering above them; a soft melody filled the air. She spoke and he listened. She always felt like she spoke too much, but he assured her this was not the case. Rosie knew that it was, she was nervous.

‘Where are your friends?’ Walter asked, looking around the room.

They had all slowly left as the night drew on, none bothering to say goodbye. Rosie could not bring herself to care; she loved her friends as equally as she enjoyed their distance.

Walter fiddled with his watch, it was now well past three in the morning. Rosie wished she were more courageous; she fingered the bottom of her wine glass and emptied the contents into her mouth.

Walter walked her out of the bar, holding her hand as she tried to step gracefully across the pavement.

‘I want to show you something,’ he said.

They crossed the street and walked together slowly. She followed his every move and laughed too feverishly at his jokes. There was a park in the distance and they walked towards it, eventually taking their places on a wooden bench. Walter bent over and untied his laces, placing his shoes side by side on the seat. Rosie shadowed his movements.

Walter motioned towards the thick cut grass, ‘feel it,’ he said.

She stood, still unsteady, and touched her feet against the earth.

‘How does it feel?’ he pressed.

‘Soft.’

Walter laughed, filling his balloon cheeks and delicately stepping on the grass as if it were an expensive fur rug.

‘It’s simple and relaxing,’ Walter suggested, ‘I suppose it’s hard to describe, to me…it’s comfort.’

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SWINE Rosie smiled, still not quite understanding. They circled each other on the grass and Rosie fell back onto the bench, the champagne catching up with her.

‘You’re fantastic,’ she said.

Taking his place beside her, Walter paused their conversation. He laid a soft kiss on her mouth, and then kissed her forehead, which oddly, felt more intimate. She could not believe her luck.

Rosie smiled, her anxiety still present, but dulled by the faint recollection of a better time. She ran her finger underneath the seal of the envelope. It broke unevenly and she had to rip it apart. The paper lay inside and she could see the faint ink markings. It was upside down and she rotated it carefully. She glanced at the font from the corner of her eye, not wanting to look directly at it, as if it were the wrong name she could pretend she had never seen it. There were several names, but only one stood out to her. Walter.

Her Walter. She tore up her paper with the remaining names still unidentified and placed it in the nearby bin along with Mabel’s letter. She walked home, on the way removing her shoes and walking barefoot on the grass.

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Squirrels can fall over 70 feet and survive.

The medical term for ice cream headaches is sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia.

Google hired a camel to create the Street View of a desert.

Mobile phones have 18 times more bacteria than toilet handles.

A ‘butt’ was a unit of measure for wine in Medieval England.

Beer and Marijuana are cousins: beer hops are in the same family of flowering plants as marijuana.

All porcupines float in water.

All the swans in England are the property of the Queen.

A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of the second.

Dreamt is the only English word to finish with the letters mt.

An average human loses about 200 head hairs a day.

In ‘Silence of the Lambs’, Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.

Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

Two of the many words Shakespeare invented were ‘bump’ and ‘assassination’.

Approximately 1.35 trillion bottles of wine are produced in Australia per year.

Elvis Presley got a ‘C’ in his 8th grade music class.

It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it.

“Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

A broken clock is right two times a day.

Over 21, 0000 years of music have been played on Facebook.

Vending machines kill 4 times as many people as sharks per year.

Fredric Baur invented the Pringles can. When he died his ashes were buried in

The average four year old child asks over four hundred questions a day.

The population of Ireland is still 2 million less than it was before the potato famine 160 years ago.

There is a garbage swirl in the Pacific Ocean the size of Texas.

You have a 1 in 200 chance of being related to Genghis Khan.

Of all the people in History to reach 65 years of age, half of them are living right now.

Nike pays Michael Jordan more annually than all the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas .

Dolphins have names for each other and can call out for each other specifically.

Otters sleep holding hands.

You’re more likely to become the President of America than you are to win the lottery there.

All the clocks in the movie ‘Pulp Fiction’ are stuck at 4:20.