The Ocelot 165 March 2020 edition

Lifestyle and Culture Magazine

Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

No: 165 March 2020

Free

I’m a comedian get me out of here A chat with Andrew Maxwell p16

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Poles apart - a chat with explorer Ranulph Fiennes p18 Magazine highlights 04 The Rant 06 Encyclopaedia Ocelotica 09 Brews and Eats 14 Theatre 22 Festival announcements 30 Agony Girl

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The Editorial Team EDITOR - Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk DEPUTY EDITOR - Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk The Sales Team Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@positive-media.co.uk - 07717 501790 Main Number - 01793 320043 Positive Media Group, Old Bank House, 5 Devizes Road, Swindon SN1 4BJ PRINTED BY - Deltor, Saltash, Cornwall 19/02/2020 13:02

The Rant

By Jamie Hill Do you ever get the sense that the baddies have won?

As a ‘woke’ Generation Xer who is in touch with empathy but also has one foot in pragmatism - it definitely seems that way.

In my heyday of the Nineties where I spent my formative years gurning at raves, espousing the virtues of Tarantino to anybody who would listen and spending most of my life in the pub surrounded by like-minded people life seemed to have been a bit simpler.

We rode the waves of social change from gay rights and feminism to the mass-condemnation of any form of racism as if that was the way that society was heading and it was all for the better.

Every year that passed seemed to be more progressive.

Alright. It wasn’t perfect. We had lad mags and some pretty questionable views when it came to stand-up comedy (I’m looking at you Jethro, Roy Chubby Brown and Jim Davison) but in the main society had some kind of direction.

It all seemed to come to an end in 2001 when those planes hit the towers.

Since then, we’ve all just kind of watched as the reactionaries took their slow hold over our politics and cultural discourse leading to increasing racism and thought-

processes that we all believed had been left behind us in the wreckage of the Eighties.

And then came the culmination of all of this with Brexit and Trump. Two right wing political victories that made quite a few of us not actually recognise the society around us any more.

Even now though, there are a few of us who just see this as a blip on the road to progress not really understanding that the age of enlightenment that the Nineties represented could be well and truly behind us.

In hindsight, it’s obvious as without realising it I had been living all of my life in a bubble and that actually there was a massive proportion of society who were being left behind by the very fast progress that the nineties represented.

At the moment it really does seem that the baddies have won - especially after the landslide of the Brexit election left us all feeling tired and defeated.

But as times change and technologies keep coming (the biggest driving force of social change in our lifetimes), it is actually pretty damn hard to stop progress. It’s basically like King Canute (or his modern day equivalent Donald Trump) trying to hold back the tide. And the tide will always win.

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Encyclopedia Ocelotica:

By Ben Fitzgerald

The Doomsday Ark: humankind’s Plan B The grim spectre of events such as the Covid-19 virus and irreversible climate change means that eccentric preppers, surrounded by shelves of crunchy peanut butter in their tunnels in the middle of America, are increasingly looking like the sensible ones.

Perhaps it is we who are a couple of Scotch eggs short of a picnic?

With our reliance on fossil fuels and the ‘Just Eat’ app, are we sleepwalking into the crosshairs of forthcoming disaster?

It’s worth bearing in mind that in planning for potential riots and public disorder, MI5, the domestic security service, operates on the maxim that Britain is only ever four meals away from anarchy. This is MI5 by the way, not someone on twitter.

In most cases, I suspect it’s

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probably more like two meals - if the fridge is empty, nothing is going to stop me taking to the streets, baseball bat in hand, to source a Marks and Spencer meal deal for two.

Bearing this in mind, governments across the globe have been quietly preparing for the worst… the very worst…

Deep inside a mountain, on an isolated island in the Svalbard archipelago just south of the North Pole is the Global Seed Vault human kind’s Plan B. Inside its deep frozen depths are shelves upon shelves of seeds, representing 980,000 crop varieties - with about 500 seeds of each - originating from almost every country in the world, ranging from major African and Asian food staples such as maize, rice, wheat, cowpea and sorghum to European

and South American varieties of lettuce, barley and potato.

The idea is to safeguard as much of the world’s genetic crop material as possible - fuelled by concerns over the increasing reliance on limited varieties of crop. Whilst certain crops are found to be the most hardy and productive, this can lead to producers pushing alternatives to the margins. The concern is that if a crop disease rapidly wipes out these limited varieties, the world’s population would suddenly become heavily reliant on alternative crops which are not affected by such a disease… it’s a terrifying thought - hence the huge amounts of effort being put into the scheme that it is hoped we will never use.

Marvel at the doomsday vault here: www.croptrust.org/our-work/ svalbard-global-seed-vault/

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Birds of Prey

review By jamie hill

(And The Fantabulous Emancipation of one Harley Quinn)

It’s hard to ignore the white noise of the toxic comic fanboy (and they are usually boys) who scream in agony at any new interpretation of superheroics from page to screen. And DC in particular have had it a bit rough compared to the much shinier and popular Marvel franchises. But if recent efforts like Joker and Shazam are to be taken into account the movies coming out of the DC stable are both gaining in quality and popularity after the unfair derision that greeted Suicide Squad, Justice League and Batman Vs Superman.

So this brings us to the snappily named Birds of Prey (and the fantabulous emancipation of one Harley Quinn) - only DC’s second female fronted outing after the success that was Wonder Woman.

Cumbersome title aside, this is a wholly different fish to the stern-faced Gal Gadot and her lasso of truth, as it features one Harley Quinn as its main lead.

With Margot Robbie reprising her screen-stealing role from the underwhelming Suicide Squad this is definitely not a film for those who like their superhero films with muscles and crashy bashy buildings being destroyed set pieces with earnest heroes succeeding against all the odds.

Nope. Quite the opposite in fact. Centring this movie on Harley Quinn helps inject a bit of that character’s comicbook lunacy that really shines when it is put on the screen like a glitzy glittery slap in all of your senses throughout its runtime with Margot having a gas as the character in charge of all the mayhem. Anyone who has read the Harley Quinn solo series will recognise a lot that is being thrown at them from the fourth wall quips to the audience and even a pet hyena. It’s as if you’ve entered the mind of a crazed confetti shooting mad

girl who rampages through life and Margot carries this off with aplomb.

The film is not flawless by any means but that doesn’t take away from any of the fun being thrown at you.

The plot is pretty flimsy and the rest of the Birds of Prey don’t get much character development beyond filling certain tropes (although they are all done quite well). And the reliance on flashbacks gets a bit tiresome.

But these are all minor complaints in what was one of the most madcap films you’ll see for a long time.

Ewan Mcgregor has fun as the big bad and the music is to do die for. But really this film belongs to Margot Robbie.

Like Deadpool before it, this is one film that does better for not taking itself seriously in the slightest.

More like this please DC!

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TV By Jamie Hill

The King of screaming streaming

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ith an output as an author that has been unbelievable in the last few decades the juggernaut of Stephen King’s takeover of popular culture doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon.

Some of you regular readers out there probably know that I’m a superfan when it comes to this writer. No other writer has had such a consistent impact on my life with every bit of prose written by him greedily gobbled up with every new release.

Lately he has even been passing on the baton to his children with his son Joe Hill becoming a popular horror writer in his own right in recent years (read The Fireman or the now brilliantly netflixxed Locke and Key to get an idea that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree) and his recent collaboration with

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his son Owen King with the great Sleeping Beauties.

But it is on TV, well more specifically streaming, that King’s ouevre seems to be finding its rhythm. When the author has released his work to the wider media in the past it has definitely been to mixed results as for every Shawshank Redemption you get an underwhelming Dark Tower (I’m still angry about that!).

And on television you had the disastrous Under The Dome with its plinky plonky music telling you what emotion to feel as you feast your eyes on what seems to be a King-written daytime soap.

But lately the author has been having a bit of a renaissance on the screen, helped somewhat by the fabulous It films and the Shining sequel you never knew you wanted Doctor Sleep.

And it is on the streaming platforms that you’ve really seen

the author shine. The adaptation of his Mr Mercedes series (Amazon Prime -Starzplay) was fantastic with Brendan Gleeson putting in a performance of a lifetime as gruff former police officer Bill Hodges.

There’s also the current adaptation of The Outsider on Sky which has been a super creepy slow burner that has been getting many critical nods of appreciation.

But my personal favourite has to be the anthology series Castle Rock (Amazon Prime - Starzplay) featuring a host of characters from King’s work, with Season Two having just started centring on Misery superfan Annie Wilkes.

Definitely seek this out even if it’s just for the superlative Sissy Spacek horror episode of Season One. Probably one of the scariest hours of television you’ll ever view. Long live the king.

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The wine column

By Darren Willmott of vinesight.me

Is it ever acceptable to water down wine? (yes)

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rom my monthly musings you can probably guess that I love tasting any wine that comes my way but, for a time, my wine rack held numerous bottles left to one side, virtually ignored. Not because they were valuable or old vintages waiting to reach maturity. No, it was because they had over 15% alcohol in them.

To be clear, I like powerful reds and I’m also happy to drink wine over 15% but one particular label continually seemed to crop up in mixed cases from one merchant. To my palate it seemed over the line in terms of pleasant drinkability.

No producer wants the presence of high alcohol felt in their wine. Even when constrained by external factors such as a warmer climate fully ripening the grapes, they do their best to integrate it with other elements.

To challenge/validate my view I had a quick look online for existing customer reviews which revealed that it was a wine both

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liked and loathed in seemingly equal measure.

So, what should I do with these bottles? I decided that I couldn’t consciously gift them to friends.

Many aren’t as ‘in’ to wine as I am so if I had a problem drinking them, it’s likely that they would too. I could possibly squirrel them in to raffles, or maybe take them to parties and let them get lost in the crowd, but no. It always felt like someone may be let down by getting an experience they weren’t expecting.

Searching further on the internet for an answer I came across what could possibly be the solution. Diluting them down with water.

Initially this seemed like sacrilege, a violation of all that the producer had tried to achieve but reading further, I made the connection with spiritlovers routinely adding water to things like Whisky to draw out additional flavours and complexity without getting the hit from the high alcohol.

I decided to give it a try. On its own the wine was full of dark, sweet red cherry jam and biting spice. The initial huge fruit-bomb explosion overpowered my palate and left nowhere to go, leading in to a disappointingly hollow midpalate and a too-sweet finish.

For the second tasting I decanted the wine bottle contents mixed with 20% volume (150ml) of a leading mineral water, taking the abv down by the same 20%, ergo 15% down to 12%.

Everything now seemed more restrained. In place of the jammy fruit was smooth cherry, a touch of coffee and various other spices blending in to a warm whole.

Without the initial fruit burst the length became at least twice as long. Success!

If you’ve got some high alcohol wine sitting in the rack that you’ve written off, why not give it a try?

It’s actually a sensible way of naturally bringing down the high alcohol whilst stretching out the volume even further.

Cheers!

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Five Guys named ‘Meh’ With the recent opening of Five Guys in The Outlet Village, Swindon's media seemed to go into a tailspin of fauning adulation of the burger brand so we thought we should take a look to see if it's all it's cracked up to be.

Review by Jamie Hill

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irst of all I’ve got to say the burgers at Five Guys were delicious and the milkshakes were genuinely out of this world.

It’s a simple set up not unlike what we’ve seen before at countless other fast food restaurants. You queue to order and pay and then you go to a collection point for your food to be handed over.

One problem that became immediately apparent was that this newly opened restaurant was suffering from a few teething problems as we had to wait ten minutes longer for our milkshakes than our food. But this is understandable in a new setting whilst staff and managers find their feet.

Like the set up the menu was simple too consisting of burgers, dogs and shakes. Over the last few years the Five Guys brand has built a name for itself in the zeitgeist as a chain that offers premium quality food in a fast food environment. And this is something that I do agree with.

They are not the best burgers you’ve ever tasted (that award would go to Old Town’s Pick Up Point at The Hop) but they are definitely up there.

So all in all I shouldn’t have any complaints but it is when it comes to its pricing that my hackles are raised. My cheeseburger, Five Guys fries and strawberry milkshake came to an eye-watering £18.50. To put that into perspective that’s three times the price of McDonalds and twice the price of Burger King. But was it worth it? In a word I would say ‘no’.

The burger was gorgeous with quality beef but its squashed presentation didn’t make it the most appetising thing to look at. The fries were ‘okay’ but they didn’t set the world on fire. The only thing that really set my tastebuds racing was the milkshake but on its own that wasn’t enough to offset the exorbitant price.

I know Five Guys will do well despite the pricing as it has such strong branding and it’s good to have such a popular name in Swindon but if you’re shopping with the family and want a quick fast food fix the price you would have to pay would end up being a small fortune.

Your wallet would thank you more if you went to any one of the other food outlets that the shopping mall offers.

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A history of sushi

By Ben Fitzgerald

Sushi is inextricably linked to Japanese culture - to some, it goes beyond mere food and enters the realms of art.

If you watch a skilled sushi chef at work, it’s easy to see why.

And, the similarities to the art world don’t stop there - with investors prepared to shell out eye-watering amounts of cash to pay for prized bluefin tuna - a key component in some sushi dishes.

Last year, the owner of a well known chain of sushi restaurants, Kiyoshi Kimura, paid a record £2.5 million for a 278g bluefin tuna normally such a fish would go for a bargain £18,700.

However, the origins of the prized delacy are rooted in humble beginnings - and most shockingly are possibly not even Japanese!

Early references to sushi (or something very much like it) point to it being created at some point between the fifth and third centuries BC in the paddy fields alongside the Mekong River which runs through Laos, Thailand and Vietnam.

The abundant seafood would quickly go off in the heat before it could be eaten - but people living in the area found that the rice grown further inland could help

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preserve the fish. The fish were gutted, salted and packed with rice before being placed into wooden barrels After being weighed down with a heavy stone - the rice would ferment, with the acids being produced preventing the fish from going off.

Unsurprisingly it smelt like putrifying rice - but it tasted OK. This rudimentary form of sushi known as nare-sushi - began to be adopted in other areas, spreading towards Indonesia, Malaysia and the Philippines, eventually reaching Japan.

Sushi was still regarded as a poor person’s food - however, between the early Muromachi period (1338 - 1573) the Japanese refined the food by reducing the fermentation time making the taste tart rather than sour, meaning that the rice could be eaten with the fish rather than being thrown away. Known as han-nare it quickly became hugely popular with all classes in Japan. As an important side development, rice vinegar was also developed during this time.

By the middle of the 17th century, this led to the development of the third form of sushi, known

as haya-zushi or fast sushi - which does not require fermentation and relies on rice vinegar to add the distinctive taste.

It was then packed into a box, under slices of cooked or cured fish, and pressed with a heavy weight for no more than a couple of days.

It wasn’t long before a fourth form of sushi was developed, doing away with the need to press it under a weight which had only been used to prevent air getting to the fish while the sugars in the rice turned into acid.

Before being served, each slice was carefully steeped in vinegar or soy sauce, or else coated in a thick layer of salt, so as to ensure a consistency of taste – and to ensure that it kept fresh for at least a while.

Known as Edo-mae, this sushi was named after the city of Edo (Tokyo), where it was developed in the 1820s or 1830s. According to one popular legend, it was invented by a chef named Hanaya Yohei (1799-1858) at his stall in the north-east of the metropolis in around 1824. Whatever the truth of its origins, its huge popularity led to the establishment of the first sushi emporia.

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Woman in Black

Theatre for the months ahead David Baddiel Trolls: not the dolls

Following his five-star Olivier-nominated hit My Family: Not The Sitcom and the return to number 1 of his seminal football anthem Three Lions, David Baddiel comes back to the stage with a brand new one-man show, Trolls: Not The Dolls.

Trolls – the terrible people who spend all day insulting and abusing strangers for no other reason than to fill the huge gaps in their souls. There is a common wisdom about how to deal with trolls: don’t, for goodness sake, encourage these people by replying to them.

It’s a good law. And it’s one that David Baddiel

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has consistently broken. Because David has always seen trolls as hecklers, and if a comedian gets heckled, it is their duty not to ignore the heckler, but to wittily put them down.

Over the years, David has spent a lot of time doing this, which has led him to think that there might be a show in it: a show that would say something about how we live now.

David has stories to tell, of the terrible and absurd cyber-paths that interacting with trolls has led him down. Come with him on this comedy journey into our culture’s most dank virtual underground.

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Room on the Broom

The Woman in Black

Volpone

The Band

Where: Oxford Playhouse When: 16 - 21 March www.oxfordplayhouse.com A lawyer obsessed with a curse that he believes has been cast over him and his family by the spectre of a Woman in Black engages a sceptical young actor to help him tell his terrifying story and exorcise the fear that grips his soul.

Where: Swindon Arts Centre When: 17 March www.swindontheatres.co.uk Volpone is filthy rich. For him the glory of accumulating wealth is more thrilling than its simple possession.

Inspired by Southern African Township Theatre, three multi-skilled actors perform to an enticing backdrop of jazz-fusion, delivered with dynamism.

Where: Corn Exchange, Newbury When: 18 March www.cornexchangenew.com A circus, dance and theatre production where blind devotion meets desperate ambition. The Band is a quirky and humorous production with striking visuals and a rousing soundtrack from a company which blends circus, dance and theatre with vibrant aesthetics.

Ladykiller Where: Old Fire Station, Oxford When: 20 March www.oldfirestation.org.uk A hotel room, a maid and a dead woman. It’s not what it looks like, really, it’s not. It was self-defence… and anyway, the woman was asking for it. A (gruesome) quintessential, jet-black comedy for the age of the gig economy.

An Evening with Sir Geoff Hurst

Rob Beckett

Where: Wyvern Theatre, Swindon When: 30 March www.swindontheatres.co.uk Sir Geoff comes to the Wyvern Theatre in March 2020. He will talk amusingly about his illustrious West Ham and England career.

VIP ticket holders will have a chance to meet him and have a photograph with him before the show.

Where: New Theatre, Oxford When: 21 March www.oldfirestation.org.uk Rob Beckett is back on tour with the brand new stand-up show Wallop.

It’s been a busy few years for the Mouth of the South - hosting BBC One’s All Together Now and appearing on Channel 4’s 8 Out Of 10 Cats and Live at the Apollo.

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Ross Noble

Andrew Maxwell: a dose of reality

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n a career that has achieved high praise from audiences and critics alike, Andrew Maxwell has never been short of subjects to regale us all with. As he gears up for his next tour, he’s set to give us a dose of Reality. Or reality TV, to be more precise, given that his experience of being in the back and beyond in Australia for I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here will form a significant part of his new show.

“It’s such a massive programme and it has a very special place in people’s hearts. When I started talking to my nearest and dearest about doing it, I didn’t realise how many people are so crazy about it. You get whole families wanting photos. People’s kids want a photo of me! I was living on 600 calories a day, literally sleeping with snakes, and spiders are falling onto your head as you try to wee into a bucket at night: everything else in life is then much easier.”

Making stand-up look easy has been Andrew Maxwell’s forte during a career spanning more than 25 years. A favourite at the Edinburgh Fringe with shows such as Grand Royale, Waxin’ (which earned him an Edinburgh Comedy Award nomination in 2007), Supernatural, and his most recent hour, All Talk, he has also appeared on TV shows such as Live At The Apollo, Mock The Week and Drunk History, and narrated MTV’s Ex On The Beach.

In 2004 he was crowned King Of Comedy in a Channel 4 reality show, while he also claimed victory in a 2018 episode of Celebrity Mastermind with his

specialist subject of Lebanon.

He may not be a comic you would describe as overtly political, but this mercurial Dubliner does tackle the broader issues by discussing normal people, often finding joy in the idiosyncrasies of humans. “I would say that I’m optimistic about people. I didn’t go to university, let alone a good university but I’ve got this far. You can make it. Ultimately my guiding light is love. You go around every possible chamber of human experience and the only one that works is love.”

His reluctance to talk about Trump, Brexit, Boris or any of the other current political buzzwords doesn’t mean that he’s afraid of confronting those sorts of issues.

It’s just that he senses people might have had their fill of it all for the time being. “My feeling is that at the moment, there’s going to be a period of ‘please stop talking about it’. I’ve talked extensively about the situations with Brexit and the IndyRef in Scotland and the constant rolling us versus them stuff in Northern Ireland: these things will always pop up but I just get the sense that people don’t want it. A period of reflection I believe it’s called. Luckily I’ve got a constant raging midlife crisis, so there’s always something to talk about.”

A veteran of the comedy circuit in the UK and at arts festivals all across the world, Andrew has spent enough time on the road to know all about the pros and cons of touring. “The con is loneliness, and there’s not a lot you can do about that. I drive around myself

and listen to Melvyn Bragg’s In Our Time. It’s 45 minutes long and they get right to the point, with three experts in anything from the East India Company or quantum mechanics.”

For a man who is constantly inquisitive about the world around him, there’s always something to learn about the places he’s appearing in. “The pros of touring are the whole days set aside to just learn something new.

There was a day on the tour last spring when I looked at the maps and it struck me that I had never realised that the Peak District is just above Sheffield. So suddenly I’m just pottering around the countryside like I’m in a Sunday evening murder-mystery.”

One of the mysteries of the entertainment industry is that people as talented in their field as Andrew Maxwell aren’t better known to a wider populace.

His newfound fame from I’m A Celebrity might attract a different kind of audience to his shows, but whoever is in the crowd, his goal will always remain the same. “You want people to laugh their bollocks off and leave the tent or the room with their chin up. It’s important to send them off armed and ready for life. I want them to feel a million dollars.” The Reality is you can pretty much put your house on that happening.

Andrew Maxwell’s Reality tour runs from 29th April to 8th June.

He will be appearing at Swindon Arts Centre on May 26.

Details at andrewmaxwellontour. com

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Ranulph Fiennes: Coming to Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre on 3rd March 2020 You’re heading out on tour, what will you be talking about?

I’ll be talking about my life: my childhood and schooling, and training with the SAS (and being chucked out of the SAS!) I’ll be talking about my very first posting with the British Army, and being the youngest captain in the British Army – even though I didn’t deserve it(!)

– and how that inspired my love of exploring. I’ll also touch upon some of my favourite expeditions, one of which was finding an Arab city with my first wife Ginny that we spent 26 years looking for, and how, in the first year after we got married, we did our first journey together: a 2000 mile long boat trip down one of the toughest rivers in the world, in a rubber dinghy. There’s so much to talk about that I can only briefly touch on being the oldest Brit up Everest and the oldest pensioner in Great Britain to go up the north face of the Eiger! I’ve tried to get a good mix of polar exploring, and my other adventures.

As a man that seems to be fearless, can you share whether there is anything that you worry about?

I don’t really worry about expeditions. I only really worry about family finances. All those horses that Ginny loved! When we moved to Exmoor, we had lots of Aberdeen Angus cows and sheep, and that was quite profitable. But the horses…!

You have achieved a great deal, are there any expeditions/challenges you would still like to conquer? Was there one that got away?

There is one thing that I wish I had tried doing earlier. At the moment, I still hold the World Record of being

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the only person to have crossed the whole of that Antarctica ice cap, the whole of the northern ice cap and to climb the highest mountain. It’s called the Global Reach Challenge and I’m the only person to ever have done it. There are two other people who have nearly done it, a Norwegian and a Belgian, both of whom I am friends with now. The record I would like to have broken is to cross all the ice caps and climb all seven of the highest mountains. Everest is the most difficult, I’ve done that. And if when I’d done Everest I had done the minor ones, that would have been no problem. It was 2009 and I was in my 60s and quite fit, but when you’re a bit older, things start to go wrong.

Your circulation heads towards your core so if you have ever gotten frost bite before, you are even more likely to get it again. The mountains that you can actually climb when you are in your 70s have to be much lower than the ones you could have climbed before. There are only 3 of them out of 7 I haven’t done, so it’s very annoying. I’m sure someone else will complete it soon.

So you are quite competitive?

I am, and it’s not a good trait. When I was first asked to climb Everest, I said no because of my extreme vertigo. Then 6 months later my wife died and I just wanted to do something, anything to distract me. So I did months and months of training and then I got a heart attack when I was 300 meters from the top and my friend got hypoxia on the way down. I told the doctor when I got down to base camp that I was never trying it again but he told me that if you go up the other side, from Nepal, it’s dead easy!

Four years after that, 2008, I did

that and nearly got to the top, didn’t get a heart attack, but the body of my Sherpa’s father appeared in the snow, as he had previously died trying to climb Everest. There hadn’t been that much snow that year so the bodies just reappear. It was awful.

The next year, 2009, by which time I was an OAP, I had worked out why I had failed twice: I was being too competitive. The next time I tried, I went with a Sherpa who was so fit, there was no point in trying to be competitive. I went very slowly that time.

What do you do to relax?

To relax, I sleep! And listen to the music of Enya. In between my lectures I run around the Serpentine a couple of times. I don’t call it jogging though – it’s more ‘shuffling’.

In many people’s minds you are already superhuman - if you could choose a super power what would it be?

My super power would be to not have extreme vertigo! When I was in Dubai recently, they wanted me to go on the World’s Highest Zip Wire and break the record of going 160 mph, and I said yes(!) because I didn’t want to be unpopular with the client.

I sort of opened my eyes as we left the platform, but I then kept them shut for the rest of the ride! When I did the north face of the Eiger, I was being led by this guy who has done Everest 11 times. He is very clever at teaching his climbers how not to get vertigo temporarily. It’s pretty simple – don’t allow yourself to think below your feet at all. It seems obvious but don’t look down! Last August at home, the gutters got full of leaves, and I was too scared so I sent my wife up

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Living Dangerously and I held the ladder. The north face of the Eiger has killed off 80 people but I could only do it because of that guy.

Can I have two super powers? I have pre-diabetes, and if I don’t behave myself, I could get Type 2 diabetes, meaning that I could never have sugar again. My favourite food in the world is vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce, so my super power would be that the I could eat all the sugar I wanted and still be healthy!

Who would you like to play you in the film of your life?

Ralph Fiennes or Joe Fiennes.

Which person do you most admire, living or dead and why?

One of the people I admire the most is the polar explorer Captain Robert Falcon Scott. I’ve just written a book on him that tries to get to the truth of his wonderful career, as there are a lot of lies and rumours about him. He first discovered that Antarctica was a continent! But he had bad luck with the weather on his expeditions, and died in his tent. I also really admire the explorer Wilfred Thesiger, who carried out lots of expeditions in intense heat.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?

Honestly, I would invite my wife to my dream dinner party. Although I would also like to invite Jesus to make sure I haven’t wasted my time in believing in him. And maybe Stalin, Hitler and Mao so that I could poison them before they had done all their damage.

I would travel back to 1415. I would have preferred to live in the predigital age.

The Gift

doing next. You’ll just have to wait and see…!

With the threat of climate change more apparent than ever, what would you urge the younger generation to change?

Sorting out the plastic in the ocean is a good start, rather than trying to tackle things you can’t even see. Everyone can do something about that, whereas something complicated like tackling carbon monoxide is more difficult to get the public interested in. If the whole of the motor industry had to switch to electric vehicles that would be good – then we would be heading in the right direction.

What is your next adventure?

Ah! The trouble with this question is that the enemy are constantly listening to what we are planning.

If it’s a first, you don’t want to let anyone know, so unfortunately, I can’t divulge as to what I am

If you could go back in time, what time period would you travel to?

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By Tyler Ody

Announcements galore fr It’s that time of year when Ocelotshire’s glut of festivals start to reveal how they will be entertaining the crowds for the summer ahead.

We’ve rounded up the ones that we’ve heard of so far....

Lechlade Festival - May 22 - 24 Lechlade Festival is celebrating a decade of good times, great music and funky food. The multi-award winning family friendly festival, alongside the River Thames, takes place over three days (and nights) and promises a wealth of uplifting cultural offerings. Expect to see street dance, storytelling, music workshops, yoga, pilates, circus skills workshops... that sort of thing. Oh and there’s music... including an appearance by Sunday night headliners The Boomtown Rats headed by the legendary Bob Geldof. Other announced bands on the line-up include the Bleedin’ Noses and IDestroy with more surprise announcements yet to come. www.lechladefestival.co.uk Wychwood Festival - May 29 - 31 Starting out as a World & Blues Music Festival, Wychwood which takes place at Cheltenham Racecourse has grown to embrace the spectrum of music genres that appeal to the whole family. This year they have a packed line-up including The Divine Comedy and The Christians.

And more is due to be announced in the next few weeks. www.wychwoodfestival.com

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Readipop Festival - July 10 - 12 Readipop Festival celebrate its 5th anniversary this Summer and takes place by the banks of the River Thames in Christchurch Meadows (10 mins walk from Reading Station). All money raised by the festival helps support Readipop’s charity work providing access to music for vulnerable young people and other underrepresented communities locally.

Hip hop legends Sugarhill Gang (with Melle Mel and Scorpio from Furious 5), Mercury Music Prize winner Badly Drawn Boy and Bristol dance favourites Kosheen head up their first line-up announcement. www.readipop.co.uk Cornbury Festival - July 10 - 12 At Cornbury they constantly strive to deliver a line-up overflowing with talent and in this, their 17th year, they promise to do just that…. with announcements coming thick and fast. Already they’ve revealed Dido and Van Morrison for the Friday night and then on Saturday there’s Kid Creole and The Coconuts, The Waterboys and the brilliant Jack Savoretti. More announcements to come as the organisers drip feed us the good news. www.cornburyfestival.com Larmer Tree Festival - July 16 - 19 For Larmer Tree’s 30th anniversary bash. They’ve got James, Jack Savoretti, and Frank Turner and The Sleeping Souls as the headliners announced so far.

Joining them are Queen of British soul and twice MOBO Award winner Beverley Knight, Leeds natives Gentleman’s Dub Club, and highlife pioneers Pat Thomas & Kwashibu

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Area Band. Elsewhere a whole host of on-the-rise artists can be found including London based rock group The Big Moon, Katy J Pearson, and Franc Moody.

The beloved Village Inn stage is also filling up well with the return of the kings of cowpunk Pronghorn, Dorset based multi-instrumentalist Louise Jordan, Gypsy punkers Buffo’s Wake and many more. It’s going to be quite a party! www.larmertreefestival.co.uk MFor Festival - July 25 Chart topping Craig David is the latest act to confirm for Mfor 2020 with his much celebrated TS5 set. He will join Rudimental DJ and Ella Henderson at Mfor 2020 at Swindon’s Lydiard Park. Running from 11am to 10.30pm the one-day festival – a family fun day meets music festival – will offer even more music and entertainment in 2020, whilst supporting veteran, military and mental health charities. www.mforfestival.co.uk Truck Festival - July 30 - August 2 Truck Festival will once again return to its Hill Farm in Steventon for the 23rd edition of the UK’s longest running and most cherished small festival.

This year Truck has Bombay Bicycle Club gracing the main stage on the Friday evening. The Mercury Prize nominees recently returned for the first time in three years.

Headlining the Market Stage on the opening Thursday night are Truck festival favourites Blossoms. Also featuring are indie-rock turned psychedelic-pop outfit Swim Deep and up-and-comers The Lathums. Saturday will see The

Kooks headline the main stage, performing tracks that span over their 16-year career. Closing the festival are Catfish and the Bottlemen. Over the past six years they’ve picked up a BRIT Award, had a no.1 album with their second release The Ride, had The Balcony go platinum and travelled all over the world for shows and festivals. www.truckfestival.com Wilderness Festival - July 30 - August 2 The ever fresh and progressive Wilderness Festival comes in blazing for Season Ten. Highlights include Loyle Carner, Foals, Supergrass, Kelis, BICEP live, Elder Island, David Rodigan & The Outlook Orchestra, Jayda G, Letters Live, Chefs Richard Corrigan, Skye Gyngell, Fergus Henderson, Trevor Gulliver plus many more…

An idyllic nature reserve in Oxfordshire is the backdrop for a headline bill of stunning proportions. Studding the topline on The Main Stage Mercury-nominated South London rapper Loyle Carner lays down his earnest poetry bedded on acid jazz, experimental electronic giants, Foals, provide the seismic Saturday night cornerstone and one of the most important bands of the 90s: the legendary Supergrass close the show on Sunday. www.wildernessfestival.com Reading Festival - August 28 - 30 Reading Festival has revealed Rage Against The Machine and Stormzy as its 2020 headliners alongside already announced Liam Gallagher – plus over 90 names set to play at Reading’s famous Richfield Avenue this August Bank Holiday weekend. www.readingfestival.com

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By Jamie Hill

Level 3 rocks out this Spring Level 3 Commercial Road Swindon

Anvil Tuesday March 17

Canadian metal legends Anvil are coming to Swindon’s Level 3 on 17 March as part of their UK tour.

The band, from Toronto, were formed in 1978 and still features Steve ‘Lips’ Kudlow (vocals, guitar), Robb Reiner (drums), and Chris Robertson (bass). As of early 2019, the band has released seventeen studio albums, and has been cited as having influenced many notable heavy metal groups, including Megadeth, Slayer, Anthrax and Metallica.

In 2008 they were the subject of awardwinning rockumentary Anvil! The Story of Anvil.

Tickets on sale via seetickets and available at The Rolleston Arms, Swindon, The Vic, Holmes Music and Swindon library. Tickets cost £18 in advance and £25 on the door. www.level3swindon.com

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Syteria featuring Jackie Chambers (Girlschool)

Saturday March 7

Syteria are a band formed by Jackie ‘Jax’ Chambers Lead Guitarist of the Legendary Girlschool and are based in Yorkshire, England. They first came on to the scene with an introductory video for Christmas late in 2015 called Santa’s Harley. Then kick started a full on campaign in 2016 self releasing their EP ‘Wake UP’ featuring Mike Kenworthy formerly of Raven playing drums, Keira’s (Bass) dad, who helped out whilst they secured a permanent drummer. They added the final member of the band with Pablo Calvo, Julia’s (Vocals) little brother, shortly afterwards playing gigs they were noticed and added to play the Main Stages at major festivals all over the UK. In 2017 after a successful Pledge campaign, they recorded their Debut album Rantobot and received rave reviews from magazines and on line here in the UK and abroad. In 2018 Syteria were nominated for an Independent Music Award for the Album reaching the final 5. Syteria continued to play and promote Rantobot playing Major Festivals, Thailand, Corfu, Europe, headline and support shows throughout 2018 and are currently about to record their follow up album called Reflection.

Tickets £6 www.level3swindon.com

The Quireboys

Friday May 15

Level 3 welcome this legendary British rock band back to Level 3 but this time for a full band performance.

The Quireboys have always remained true to their roots from the start.

The boy’s mission is simply to keep the spirit of good time rock ‘n’ roll alive and kicking into the 21st century.

Support comes from Motorcycle Display Team Tickets £18.50 www.level3swindon.com

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O2 Academy: w

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Goldfrapp: warm up show Goldfrapp: a warmup show ahead of their upcoming UK tour.

Join synth-pop icons, Goldfrapp, for a very special, intimate

warm-up show ahead of their tour celebrating the 20th anniversary of their seminal debut album, Felt Mountain.

Monday 23 March

Joanne Shaw Taylor Following the release of her acclaimed seventh album, Reckless Heart, and a sold-out tour in early 2019, Joanne Shaw Taylor is back with her most unique tour to date. Playing Reckless Heart in its entirety, Joanne – known as one of Britain’s most celebrated and exciting blues-rock artists – will then let fans curate the rest of her set for the live shows.

Friday 27 March

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: what’s goin’on?

Lee Scratch Perry

One of reggae’s undisputed pioneers, Lee “Scratch” Perry, continues to break new ground with his rebel Rasta tunes and riveting live performances. At 83 years old he’s charging forward with new music and will follow the release of new album, Heavy Rain, with a collection of headline shows that’ll see the legend back doing what he does best.

Thursday 19 March

Hayseed Dixie

Bluesgrass heroes, Hayseed Dixie, may have just wrapped up a touring stint around the UK, but they’ll be back in the spring with a new album full of banjo bangers.

Thursday 2 April For more information or to book tickets see www. academymusicgroup. com/o2academyoxford/ events/or call Ticketmaster 08444772000

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Look who’s never going to give you up!

Rick Astley

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80’s icon Rick Astley has announced he will be visiting Newbury Racecourse for the first time as headliner for the Party In The Paddock stage at the Dubai Duty Free International Weekend, taking to the stage on Saturday 19th September 2020.

His era-defining classic ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ topped charts the world over and catapulted the 80s icon on a journey that would encompass 8 consecutive UK Top 10 hits and 40 million sales.

After stepping aside to focus on his family, he shot back to #1 almost 30 years later with his platinum-selling album ‘50’.

Selling over 100,000 tickets to his own UK headline shows since releasing ‘50’, his forthcoming tour dates include gigs in Australia and Japan as well as his first ever show in New Zealand, before arriving at Newbury Racecourse on 19th September. For more details and tickets visit newburyracecourse. co.uk or call 01635 40015.

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Twin Atlantic make a fierce return Twin Atlantic return with aplomb on new album ‘Power’ - their charged-up fourth LP and their first release on Virgin EMI - out January 24th.

The record’s first taste arrives in the shape of the addictive ‘Novocaine’ - a racing, adrenalised synth-rock anthem.

Tapping into their LCD Soundsystem fandom, and acknowledging the influence of Depeche Mode, POWER is eight punchy tracks and two compelling interludes. No fat, no fuss, all fire, made by a band plugging in, turning it up and taking charge. The message: here are their new songs, take them – and the band – as you find them.

After ten years, Twin Atlantic got their Glasgow

studio fully up-and-running. They gigged for thrills, and used the money to fund the album they wanted to make. They took charge of production.

And only then, when all that was done and dusted, did they sign a new record deal. Yes, they had to do everything themselves – and they’d have had it no other way.

Following a blistering main stage performance at Reading & Leeds Festival, as well as supporting The 1975 in Glasgow, Twin make their full live return with the announcement of a March underplay tour, including an intimate night at London’s Electric Ballroom.

Twin Atlantic are set to take to the stage at Oxford’s O2 Academy on Saturday 14 March,

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Agony Girl Seven-year-old Amy wants to be a cat when she grows up.

We read her the questions and these are her answers...

Dear Amy, I hear you like eating sweets. If you could make up a sweet what would it be?

Jamie Dodger I don’t know. I would like to make gummie bears come to life and grow like in Goosebumps. I would eat most of them but keep one as a pet.

with him or should I take the leap into loneliness by dumping him?

Bryony, Swindon I guess it would be nice if you stay with him as he’s nice. If you don’t love him just be friends with him.

Friends are better anyway as you don’t have to do any kissing. I hate kissing. It’s yucky.

Dear Amy, What’s more important. Daddy or homework?

Daddy Daddy because daddy is my family and homework is just a boring thing that you have to do.

Dear Amy, Would you prefer to fly like a bird, climb trees like a spider monkey or run as fast as a cheetah?

David, Oxford If I fly like a bird would I fly really fast? If yes I would fly like a bird but I would also like to run like a cheetah and climb trees. I would be a bird monkey cheetah.

Dear Amy, You are now seven. Is seven better than being six? Are you grown up now?

Chad Wick It doesn’t feel any different. Most of the time I feel like I’m six.

I don’t feel grown up.

I want to be a kid forever.

Dear Amy, I feel like a rabbit in the headlights. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t love my current boyfriend even though he is nice enough. He’s very thoughtful but there’s just no chemistry and I must admit I’m getting a bit bored. Should I just stay

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Dear Amy, Can you become our next Prime Minister please and run the country? Our current guy doesn’t seem to care about anyone except him and his mates and I’m worried that we’ll all be eventually destitute with no NHS or no services at all but still have to pay the same tax.

Quentin, Newbury No. I’m not brave enough. I’m too shy and I would shiver a bit and that would make me run off stage. I don’t want to be like Theresa May.

Amy

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