Ocelot January 2020

Lifestyle and Culture Magazine

Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

No: 163 January 2020

Free

Come on 2020!

Let’s be having you then!

Check out Ben’s alternative fitness guide p12 What's on Ocelot 163 January edition.indd 1

/ STYLE / EATS / BREWS / THEATRE / MUSIC 16/12/2019 12:46

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There’s Norway you wouldn’t enjoy a city break in Oslo p10 Magazine highlights 04 The Year of the Rat 06 Encyclopaedia Ocelotica 08 Alternative Fitness Guide 15 Brews and Eats 22 O2 Academy 30 Agony Girl

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The Editorial Team EDITOR - Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk DEPUTY EDITOR - Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk FEATURES - Claire Dukes - claire@theocelot.co.uk The Sales Team Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@positive-media.co.uk - 07717 501790 Main Number - 01793 320043 Positive Media Group, Old Bank House, 5 Devizes Road, Swindon SN1 4BJ PRINTED BY - Deltor, Saltash, Cornwall

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2020 The Year of The Rat

By Jamie Hill

Rats. They get a bad name don’t they?

I blame the bad press that arose after the Black Death.

For the rat population that was a PR disaster and not something that is that easy to come back - a bit like the Liberal Democrats joining the coalition to give it a modern spin.

It should be noted that it wasn’t the rats themselves who carried the plague but their fleas.

But like The Tories managing to blame everything on immigrants to push through austerity, the fleas seem to have got off scott-free. In fact they are seen as friendly creatures who tour around having circuses and markets.

Now that’s good PR. 2020 is the Year of the Rat according to the Chinese Calendar. But this is not a bad thing as rats in the Far East have enjoyed far more positive press than their western

counterparts.

In fact in Chinese culture, rats were seen as a sign of wealth and surplus. Because of their reproduction rate, married couples also prayed to them for children.

Quite the opposite view of the Western World where you get anti-ratters like The Pied Piper and Martin Scorcese (who made the anti-rat propaganda film The Departed).

The Rat is the first of all zodiac animals. According to one myth, the Jade Emperor said the order would be decided by the order in which they arrived to his party.

The Rat tricked the Ox into giving him a ride. Then, just as they arrived at the finish line, Rat jumped down and landed ahead of Ox, becoming first. The Rat is yang and represents the beginning of a new day.

So happy Rat Year one and all! Eat cheese!

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28TH & 29TH FEB 2020

THE CORN EXCHANGE THE MARKET PLACE DEVIZES Ocelot 163 January edition.indd 5

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By Ben Fitzgerald

Encyclopedia Ocelotica: In 1749, expectant crowds gathered at the New Theatre in Haymarket having paid to witness some truly bonkers sounding feats of magic.

At 6.30pm on 16 January, at the New Theatre in Haymarket, a magician named ‘The Bottle Conjuror’ had promised to demonstrate his ability to identify anyone in front of him - while wearing a mask. And as if this was not enough, he claimed that he would also be able to draw the likeness of any dead person they named - which they would be able to have a full and frank conversation with about the afterlife.

This was just for openers. The conjuror claimed that he would be able to take a walking stick from any member of the audience and use it to ‘play the music of every instrument’ while singing ‘in perfect harmony’.

The cherry on the cake was that he would finish the show by, in full view of the audience, stuffing his entire body into a small glass bottle.

The bottle would then be passed to audience members to allow them to examine it and assure

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themselves that the magician was genuinely inside it. Crazy right!

Word of the magical feat had spread like wildfire with tickets selling like hot cakes.

Among those who gathered to witness a man stuff himself into

a bottle were the Duke of Cumberland, brother to King George III. The audience were ushered into the theatre where a quart bottle stood on a table covered with green baize.

They waited… for half an hour. But still no magician turned up. The crowd began to hiss, the stage lights came up and a man walked onto the stage who tried to pacify the crowd.

But the spectators were so brassed off that they began to trash the theatre, pulling up benches, tearing down curtains and ripping out woodwork.

It later emerged that the whole thing was a hoax, cooked up by John Montagu, the 2nd Duke of Montagu who had placed a drunken bet with a group of other aristocrats that if he advertised to do “the most impossible thing in the world”, he would find fools enough in London to fill a playhouse who would think him earnest.”

He won the bet - proving the fact that if you tell a lie, you’re best off telling a whopper… be it the introduction of a four-day week, a cunningly photoshopped hand, or a Brexit windfall for the NHS. Stay cynical out there.

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Sorting the snakes fr Words by Jamie Hill

“Pay attention Hill, this is important!”

And with that a textbook was thrown at my head by an increasingly irrate teacher.

It missed by centimetres, hitting the wall behind me.

Thinking back now the teacher’s bad aim was probably by design but at the time it shocked me enough to sit up and listen. (Although if he had meant to hit me, back then, whilst corporal punishment was still legal (God, I’m old), he wouldn’t have got in trouble as I was a little shit who was always messing around in lessons.)

I’m sitting in a history lesson aged 12. I used to love history. All those Medieval kings and queens with their deaths and violence. But this term there had been a time jump which meant I had missed out both the 18th and 19th Century and we were now studying 20th Century history.

Bored now!

And we were studying anti-Jewish propaganda in the runup to the Second World War. Although I didn’t agree with his methods, the teacher’s sentiment that this was important in hindsight was very on the nose as it showed how the populace can be controlled through targeted messaging. A brainwashing of a nation to accept the unacceptable.

We’ve just sat through an election where propaganda was used with abandon.

In my lifetime I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a UK general election where dirty tricks were used so much to fool and desensitise a nation to the unpalatable.

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During this election there was propaganda going on from all of the main parties. So much so, that the electorate didn’t know what to think. Literally about everything.

Of course, every party uses marketing and advertising as propaganda to get their message across but in this election it was the huge rise in mendacious factually incorrect messaging that made it impossible for people to work out what was true and what was not.

And like my history lesson there are some very scary bits of propaganda that particularly resonated.

On social media it was rampant from both sides of the left and the right debate. I saw anti-semitic Jewish conspiracy memes and articles shared by the hard left and from the right side of the spectrum I saw more anti-Corbyn propaganda than I could shake a stick at (one friend managed to clog up my feed so much with anti-Corbyn rhetoric that I missed several important cute cat pictures).

But it is in the national press that the propaganda machine went into overdrive. The right-wing press went hell for leather in their drive to demonise Jeremy Corbyn. We all know Labour voters who have gone Tory because they just couldn’t bring themselves to vote for Corbyn as ‘there’s just something about him’. And with that vague feeling of disquiet that people felt about the Labour leader you could see that the propaganda machine was winning.

It was almost as if huge swathes of the press were essentially an extended arm of the Tory HQ. And on the left you only had The Guardian and The Mirror in their corner.

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During this election you even had a Tory run social media account claiming to be an independent fact-checking organisation with hardly any comeuppance from the media.

Fake news stories also abounded to confuse and distract.

A Tory aide was reportedly punched by a Labour activist before that was revealed to be a hoax.

And a fully researched and accurate Yorkshire Evening Post story of a child having to sleep in a hospital corridor was immediately claimed by ‘someone on Facebook’ to be a set-up and a hoax. The hoax claim spread like wildfire before it was debunked itself.

So where can you find news that is not tarred with the partisan brushes of propaganda?

Well in this country it would be the BBC who have the unenviable job ot impartiality. And a difficult job it is too. At the time of writing you have the remnants of Labour claiming that they too were an extension of the Tory campaign machine whilst the Tories themselves have announced that they will be reviewing the BBC license amid claims of impartiality going in the other direction. In my mind if both sides of the debate are complaining then the Beeb have got it about right.

Another source of impartial news is the local press who are seen as much more trustworthy than their national counterparts. But even with local news you now have a prolifieration of local news websites that can be from any background.

It is impossible nowadays to truly recognise the bias free

truth in stories. To sort out the snakes from the truth-tellers.

But at least with the printed press, it is properly regulated with trained journalists having to adhere to codes of practice like balance and right of reply so it is a safer bet to get your news from there but it is up to all of us to recognise when we are being fed propaganda. We need to properly research the sources of news stories and to know the difference between opinion and fact.

There are some things that need to change for us to move forward. We need proper regulation of news on the web and social media. It’s a free for all at the moment where properly resourced verified stories sit alongside blatantly made up fabrications.

But at its heart, although the press is under a lot of flak at the moment especially with some editors going to quite heinous lengths just to get the headlines, we would all be a lot poorer without it.

Its job is to hold those in power to account and to make sure that the general public is properly informed on a local and national level.

In America, Trump has been making a concerted effort to destroy the free press and it would be a sad day if Boris did the same in this country. It is especially scary that only days after his landslide election he is attacking the BBC and we need to stand up for a free press no matter what.

The free press is important and if I learnt anything from my history lesson it’s that without it the Government can really throw the book at you.

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TRAVEL

Four days in Oslo, Norway ‘You simply must go!’

Words by Claire Dukes

It took me just two days on a group trip to Oslo, Norway, to declare “I’m definitely coming back” - and I stand by this.

Before leaving in December I did wonder why we chose an even colder climate than England to holiday in, but as it turns out Oslo made me fall in love with the winter season. Wrapped up in some thermals, jeans, a roll neck and puffer jacket it was such a beautiful city to walk around.

After unpacking we stayed central and found ourselves in a cabinesque pizza parlour (Peppes Pizza) ravenous with hunger. It’s the first time we’d all holidayed together so sat in for a while with some ridiculously good pizza and beers for some bonding (it went well, for at the airport on the way home we decided that we’re heading to Indonesia in 2021). Being Christmas time and all, we then wandered around the Christmas market and - despite being a grinch - I was really impressed. The decorations around the central area were incredibly elegant and the market itself was cute and cosy. But, don’t get me wrong, we drank our obligatory mulled wines and moved on swiftly to bars where the locals hang (as stated in my Pocket Oslo guidebook - which by the way was a great investment). There we found HIMKOK (voted the World’s 20th best bar in 2017) and a buzzing assemblage of kooky bars down Young’s Gate.

Sunday was quite a cultured day starting with a trip to Vikingskipshuset (Viking Ship Museum), followed by the Norwegian Maritime Museum,

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amazing seafood for dinner, then a small bar crawl which ended at a cool jazz bar to finish the night off.

We played around with pace on Monday with a morning walk around Sognsvann lake, - come winter you can skate on the lake and in spring/summer you can swim in it – then some fast and furious tobogganing which happily wiped out the afternoon, so went for an indulgent meal at Mantra after for the best curry I’ve ever had in my life! We then headed back to the hostel to finish off the booze we bought at the airport for highly intense rounds of table tennis and table football.

We fully intended to take a fjord boat tour, but despite having previously taken a picture of the opening times upon arrival in the city we moseyed confidently down on the Tuesday to find that the boats ran from Saturday to Monday. As an alternative we headed to the Holmenkollen Ski Museum for some spectacular views (including an insane ski jump). I enjoyed learning about the history of skiing way more than I thought I would to be fair and love that this is a casual activity Norwegians do after work in the winter, like the way Brits head to the gym. After a light lunch at the wonderful Elias mat & sånt we headed to the airport and reminisced on an incredible holiday with fabulous company.

If you’re thinking of heading to Oslo, you simply must go (and make sure you’ve got money in the bank)!

I want to head back in spring but also explore around Svalbard for those Northern Lights (and hopefully some Orca Whale watching)!

Oslo highlights Vikingskipshuset: Explore ships (Oseberg, Gokstad and Tune), treasures and possessions from the Vikings!

The burial rituals in particular were really interesting Valhalla is where I want to go after this life for sure!

Tobbogan run: Start at Frognerseteren and sledge down 2,000 meters to Midtstuen metro station - then do it all again! And wear a helmet (did not expect to pick up the pace we did). £12 for three hours - so worth it!

Frognerseteren Restaurant: After tobogganing go to this cosy lodge with full-blown Norwegian Twin Peaks vibes.

Blå: Amazing music venue with live jazz. Went on a Sunday and the vibe was still amazing!

The Grünerløkka area is like the Stokes Croft of Bristol.

HIMKOK: The place to go if you want a bloody good cocktail and excellent service.

Fiskeriet Youngstorget: Really casual fish shop vibes which serves incredible seafood.

Young’s Gate: Head down an alleyway and this place has bars within bars - something for everyone.

Citybox Oslo: Not a highlight per se but a great, cheap and central hostel to stay in.

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It’s diffic With all that festive jingle jangle out of the way - it’s now time to knuckle down and delve further into your overdraft to fund a fitness regime - to reverse the excesses of the past month.

But with such a wealth of options out there, it’s difficult to know what to do…

That’s where we can help out, by delving into the fitness machines and regimes of resolutions past to bring you the cherries on the workout cake: First up, how about embracing The ThighMaster? Because… who doesn’t want powerful inner thighs? After working with this vintage 25-year-old springy bad boy, non-stop throughout January you’ll be able to scornfully cast aside that nut cracker and detonate even the most stubborn walnut by placing them betwixt your new granite-like thighs. Boom!

Shattered nuts anyone?

Or, if you prefer something a bit more equine? Fear not, we have just the thing.

Open the stable doors of your mind to Prancercise. I’ll say that

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By Ben Fitzgerald

again, Prancercise.

It’s an inspirational form of exercise that encourages you to get outside and prance about, much like a horse tripping out on disco biscuits.

The exercise was invented by Joanne Rohrback, for reasons best known to herself. She describes Prancercise thusly: “It’s about selfexpression. It’s about non-violence.

It’s about conservation.”

No, I’m not sure what she’s talking about either.

Judge for yourself by stealing a glance at the Prancercise clip on YouTube https://www.youtube. com/watch?v=o50GjySwew You will either see an inspirational exercise programme, or a middle-aged woman

a bit ve just

our at

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apparently suffering a distressing mental breakdown - please enjoy responsibly.

If you’re into getting ‘ripped’ you will no doubt have seen people plonkering around with ‘battle ropes’ - but before this we had ‘The Bodyblade’ a large wobbly bit of wood that you hold in the middle and waggle your way to fitness.

And alternatively, there’s the highly suggestive shake weight: a dumbell with springy weights at each end which promises to give you the arms

of a butcher and raise a smirk from anyone witnessing your new workout regime.

See the shakeweight in action here https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=rwIJlEsIVZQ We all love treadmills don’t we?

Sure. But it’s frustrating, isn’t it, that all that effort has resulted in you going precisely nowhere.

Don’t you wish that you could be treadmilling (a form of simulated walking) and simultaneously moving along a bit more slowly than if you were actually walking, whilst also being outside, as if you were going for an actual walk. But instead of walking, you are atop a giant ungainly scooter looking as if you have been shrunk by a mean witch.

According to its creator, the Treadmill Bike is a mobile treadmill designed for outdoor use which “protects your feet from dirt and other contaminants commonly found on the Earth’s surface.”

Or alternatively, you could wear shoes.

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&

Brews

Eats

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The wine column

Dry January? I’ll drink to that!

T

By Darren Willmott of vinesight.me

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hinking of doing ‘dry-January’ this month? If so, spare a thought for our US cousins from 100 years ago who had to endure 14 full years of it! 17th January 1920 saw the implementation of the 18th amendment to the US Constitution, aka the Volstead Act, more commonly known as Prohibition.

Evolving from the Temperance movement, a vocal group of Godfearing citizens who believed that alcohol was the root cause behind theft, violence and vice, their poster campaign sold the virtues of “Total” abstinence from alcohol. With the initial T being in a larger, bolder typeface for impact, this is where we get the term ‘T-total’ from.

As one of the hotly debated topics of the day, it wasn’t long before the government intervened, agreeing to a ban on the production, distribution and sale of alcohol to curb the social ills. In reality the ban ended up having the opposite effect.

Whilst hospital admissions and arrests for disorderly behaviour did initially fall, the continued demand for alcohol pushed the production underground into the hands of criminal gangs.

The well-meaning act became the catalyst for bootlegging, smuggling and organised crime.

Despite the often-dubious quality of bootlegged liquor, blended by inexperienced people from ingredients unknown, there was no shortage of demand, so anyone willing to risk being arrested or fined made substantial gains. This put the judicial system under double pressure, chasing both those daring to produce illegal liquor, and those who dared to drink it.

The first two years of Prohibition saw more than 60,000 criminal prosecutions, swamping the police and filling the prisons.

With the money flowing in, it was only natural for bootleggers to expand their ‘business’, largely by bribing police and other officials to turn a blind-eye. Rival gangs then had to fight to keep their growing markets, adding violence and turf-wars to the negative repercussions.

To reduce conviction rates, judges began letting people off with token fines. In many cases it became a struggle for the courts to fill juries with people who didn’t drink themselves.

It took the devastating impacts of the 1929 stock market crash and the resulting Great Depression to spark the end of Prohibition.

Any positive sentiment seen in 1919 had long-since disappeared after years of rising unemployment and crippling austerity. America needed a drink.

Arguing that re-legalising alcohol would create jobs for the unemployed and thousands of dollars revenue back to the public purse, Presidential candidate Franklin D. Roosevelt used the carrot of repeal as the flagship pledge for his (successful) bid for the White House.

From a thriving pre-prohibition market to total expected abstinence, the bumper 1919 US harvest had to literally be tipped down the drain.

Producers tried to diversify with table grapes or other crops, but in many cases it was simply easier to go out of business and change track completely.

The end of Prohibition was much cause to celebrate, but so much more to mourn.

Cheers!

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Marvellous mocktails Kiwi and Ginger Cocktail Ingredients: 4tbsp icing sugar Juice of 2 limes 1tbsp freshly grated ginger 2-3 kiwi fruit, peeled and chopped Ice cubes Ginger ale, to taste Method: Lime wedges and kiwi slices, to serve Dissolve the icing sugar in 4 tbsps water in a jug. Add the lime juice and ginger and divide between the glasses.

Add the chopped kiwi and ice cubes, then top up with ginger ale, to taste.

Decorate the rim of each glass with wedges of lime to squeeze into the drink, and slices of kiwi.

The Virgin Mary Ingredients: 2 ice cubes 150ml tomato juice ½ lemon, juice only 6 dashes Worcestershire sauce 3 dashes Tabasco sauce Pinch of salt and black pepper Celery stick and lemon wedge, for garnishing.

Method: In a tall glass, pour the tomato juice over the ice, add the lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, tobacco, salt and pepper and stir. Serve with a stick of celery and wedge of lemon.

Morning Star Cocktail Ingredients: 1tsp sugar 1tsp honey 10fl oz pineapple juice 3 pineapple chunks Mineral water to top up I small piece of vanilla stick Method: Blend all the ingredients except the vanilla stick.

Pour into a chilled glass and add the vanilla.

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The recipe:

Stinging nettle pesto

When the first green shoots start to burst forth in the Spring, it’s an opportunity to literally grasp the nettle... and hey pesto!

In this recipe, from River Cottage, nettles, rapeseed oil, Cheddar and breadcrumbs replace the traditional basil, olive oil, parmesan and pine nuts. It is excellent swirled on top of creamy soups or tossed through pasta.

Ingredients: 20g breadcrumbs 100g young nettles (or the top few leaves of older ones) 20g strong Cheddar, grated ½ garlic clove, crushed to a paste with a little salt 150-200ml rapeseed oil Salt and black pepper

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Method: Preheat the oven to 180°C/Gas Mark 4. Scatter the breadcrumbs on a baking tray and bake for about 10 minutes until dry and golden, checking them frequently towards the end as they burn quite quickly.Tip on to a plate and allow to cool.

Wearing gloves, pick over the nettles, discarding all but the thinnest stalks, then wash well.

Fill a bowl with iced water. Find a pan large enough to take the nettles and half-fill it with water.

Bring to the boil and cram in the nettles, pushing them down with a wooden spoon to immerse them. Cook for just 1 minute, then drain through a sieve over a bowl to save the cooking

water. Immediately plunge the nettles into the iced water. As soon as they are cold, remove and squeeze them as dry as you can – they will not sting you once they are cooked. Put the nettles into a food processor along with the breadcrumbs, cheese and garlic. With the machine on low speed, trickle in enough rapeseed oil to make a loose paste. (Alternatively, you can grind the nettles, breadcrumbs, garlic and cheese to a paste using a pestle and mortar, then slowly incorporate the oil.)

Season your pesto with salt and pepper to taste. It is now ready to use. As for the nettle cooking water you saved, drink it – it’s too good to waste.

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A history of Haggis

Haggis, that delicious concoction of oatmeal, onions, suet, spices and sheep lungs, can trace its roots back into the dim and distant past.

But the Scottish antecedence of the globular meaty treat, which has become an indelible part of the proud nation’s cultural identity, might be as trustworthy as the Loch Ness Monster.

Traditionally, the Haggis is given pride of place at the Burns Supper which is held in honour of the Scottish poet Robert Burns, on 25 January, his birthday.

The haggis which Burns describes as the ‘great chieftain o’ the puddin’-race, is usually delivered on a silver platter by a retenue including a piper.

Then the 1786 poem ‘Address to a Haggis’ is read out before it is eaten accompanied by whisky, neeps (parsnips) and tatties (potatoes).

However, long before it was known as haggis, similar foods crop up all over the historical record, with a version of haggis even being mentioned in

By Ben Fitzgerald

Homer’s Odyssey.

And the ancient Romans were also known to have created a haggis like food to feed their army.

And most shockingly there is even a claim that the noble haggis may have even been invented by the English, with food historian Catherine Brown citing references to haggis in a book called The English Hus-Wife dated 1615 in which the author refers to a ‘small oat meal mixed with the blood and the liver of either sheep, calfe or swine, maketh that pudding.”

And the late TV chef and food writer Clarissa Dickson Wright suggests that the haggis has Nordic ancestry.

But the simple truth is, it really doesn’t matter because no-one else is laying claim to the haggis, in the same way that no one else wants to steal Scottish national weather or adopt the midge.

Let’s all agree that haggis is as Scottish as that bloke in Brave Heart and let’s hear no more about it.

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Cabaret 4 – 8 February New Theatre, Oxford It’s 1931, Berlin is a haven of divine decadence and the legendary Sally Bowles is about to take the stage at the infamous Kit Kat Klub. Directed

by National Theatre Director Rufus Norris, the production has enjoyed two smash hit West End runs at The Lyric and The Savoy theatres. www.atgtickets. com

Theatre for the months ahead

By Claire Dukes

Welcome back *she says perched upon a bar, smoking a cigarette - and definitely not being as smooth as it played out in my head*.

It’s January and already the line-ups for our regional theatres look incredible. Now that the festive merriness has died this month’s guide is looking a bit sultrier and a bit more edgy.

Yes, the next few months are offering up coquettish cabaret, political power and supernatural shenanigans (I am saying “shenanigans” purely

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to take the edge off what has been donned “The most brilliantly effective spine-chiller you will ever encounter” - I want to see it, but I also don’t).

If you haven’t noticed there’s also throw backs to some sultry jazz-inspired performances and leftfield Shakespeare. As we head into 2020, we’re seemingly journeying back to a cooler time.

My must sees: Cabaret (directed by the National Theatre’s amazing Rufus Norris), Extraordinary Wall of Silence and The Band.

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Extraordinary Wall of Silence

Elkie Brooks

The Woman in Black

Where: The North Wall, Oxford When: 30 - 31 January www.thenorthwall.com A trio are told they are impaired and need fixing.Connected through a shared past, they are transported to one pivotal moment in 1880 when a dangerous ideology was born: one that would impair the way the world views Deaf people for over a century.

Where: Wyvern Theatre, Swindon When: 20 February www.swindontheatres.co.uk Elkie does something so amazing that it leaves her audience spellbound.

It could be a particularly emotional rendition of one of her ballads, a powerhouse blues vocal or one of her trademark impossibly long notes that leaves the audience mesmerised.

Where: Oxford Playhouse When: 16 - 21 March www.oxfordplayhouse.com A lawyer obsessed with a curse that he believes has been cast over him and his family by the spectre of a Woman in Black engages a sceptical young actor to help him tell his terrifying story and exorcise the fear that grips his soul.

Volpone

The Band

Ladykiller

Where: Swindon Arts Centre When: 17 March www.swindontheatres.co.uk Volpone is filthy rich. For him the glory of accumulating wealth is more thrilling than its simple possession.

Inspired by Southern African Township Theatre, three multi-skilled actors perform to an enticing backdrop of jazz-fusion, delivered with dynamism.

Where: Corn Exchange, Newbury When: 18 March www.cornexchangenew.com A circus, dance and theatre production where blind devotion meets desperate ambition. The Band is a quirky and humorous production with striking visuals and a rousing soundtrack from a company which blends circus, dance and theatre with vibrant aesthetics.

Where: Old Fire Station, Oxford When: 20 March www.oldfirestation.org.uk A hotel room, a maid and a dead woman. It’s not what it looks like, really, it’s not. It was self-defence… and anyway, the woman was asking for it. A (gruesome) quintessential, jet-black comedy for the age of the gig economy.

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Words by Claire Dukes Photograph by @anthonyhuntphotography

REVIEW: Moira Buffini’s ‘Dinner’ by DTC – ‘marvellous entertainment’ Dinner parties tend to go one of two ways. Or, so I thought…

The first is that you’ve somehow managed to axe out all the people you dislike and end up having a marvellous time with amazing food, good wine and fabulous company.

The second is that you end up awkwardly trying to not give eye contact to the boring couple for fear of being locked in drab conversation, whilst trying to avoid causing a huge argument because your ex is sat at the other end of the table with their new partner. At the end, you say your fake goodbyes and hope to hell that’s it for another year.

Then, as I found out on Friday, there’s a third way.

You know, the one with Primordial Soup for starters, Apocalypse of Lobster for the main, Frozen Waste for dessert and for the evening entertainment - instead of Trivial Pursuit and some After Eights - think about how you would murder someone, how you would commit suicide and be forced to speak the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Yes, Darkroom Theatre Company played out their version of Moira Buffini’s ‘Dinner’.

The environment and tone were set perfectly from the off. The former C&A store in the Brunel Centre was transformed into a middle class Macbethian-style cold manor, in which this black comedy slowly unravels.

Think of a really slow car crash that you can’t help but watch. It’s sharp, satirical and gloriously entertaining (if you’re into drama over dinner that’s served with dry mockery and tension you wish you could cut with a knife there and then).

The dinner party is held by the most sinister and pedantic of hostesses - Paige (Laura James) - to celebrate her husband’s - Lars’ (Kevin Bray) - bestselling self-help book. It would become evidently clear that the book could have proved quite useful to all dinner guests including the eco-warrior/free spirited

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artist - Wynne (Ella Thomas) who has her own thing with Lars - the know-it-all and sensitive intellect - Hal (Paul Marks) - and his new girlfriend/’newsbabe’ - Sian (Cerys Hodgkin). But that’s not all. As it turns out Wynne’s politician boyfriend left her and much to Paige’s dismay there’s an empty seat. But it just so happens that what this dinner of horrors needs is a van driver - Mike (Harry Freeman) - who crashes in the fog and is in need of a telephone (and – because why not – some passive aggressive table talk). The final character is not a guest, but the silent waiter whom Paige is having on the side (when she’s not barking orders at him).

I won’t lie, it was a long play indeed. But, how fitting.

Yes, our hostess Paige (Laura James’ savagely hilarious bitch of character) drags the guests through one of her infamous dinner parties to reveal the grotesque nature of the bourgeoisie - a table so consumed by themselves that they don’t understand the irony of the dishes. Until, of course, our not-so-silent waiter reveals his grim true purpose to serve the coldest course: revenge.

‘Dinner’ rang to me as ‘The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie’ (Luis Buñuel) meets ‘Weekend’ (JeanLuc Godard) - a complete dishevelment of the bourgeoisie, with all the favourable stereotypes who played their part to a tee. Laura James made a stellar impression, and was ricocheted off splendidly by Ella Thomas, combined with the polar opposites that were Cerys Hodgkin and Paul Marks. It had everything you wanted: scandal, fake happiness, murder and allegorical meals. Indeed, a terrible dinner party but marvellous entertainment.

What I love about Darkroom Theatre Company is that I always want to see what they’re doing next and where it will be. For further information visit www.facebook.com/DTCswindon/

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Wyvern Panto is a winner...

Oh yes it is!

You can’t have a decent pantomime without a convincingly evil villain.

And when the evil fairy Carabosse takes to the stage, this is what you get!

In a puff of smoke and shimmering green lights EastEnders and Coronation Street favourite Michelle Collins egged on the crowd to the point of hysteria with a scenerychewing performance that raised the roof. Sleeping Beauty at the Wyvern Theatre, with a script written by CBBC star Chris Jarvis, who also stars in the show, contains all the essential ingredients that you would expect in a cracking Christmas show with a few extra quality extras.

Into the mix go… cheesy jokes

(for the children), double entendres (nicely aimed above the heads of the younger members of the audience), a frustratingly hilarious ‘it’s behind you!’ section, a host of catchy songs and some brilliant dancing from the supporting cast.

As well as someone to hiss at, you simply have to have a brassy dame.

And Matt Rixon, the son of ‘Stars in their Eyes’ presenter Matthew Kelly, throws himself into the role with full-on bosom-hitching sassy attitude, bouncing off Chris Jarvis in a hilarious comedy partnership that had the whole of the Wyvern Theatre rocking with laughter.

There were cheeky topical jokes aplenty, along the lines of… I’m

going to have a Brexit Christmas dinner this time around… Just like a normal Christmas dinner but without Brussels.

The young cast of professional polished performers playing the prince, princess and supporting dancers were brilliant and ensured that the whole show romped along at breakneck speed in a haze of silly, colourful and wonderful drama.

Oh and keep an eye out for the spectacularly realised dragon. A show not to be missed!

Sleeping Beauty runs at the Wyvern Theatre from 7th December to 5th January.

For tickets and information see: www.swindontheatres.co.uk

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JANUARY 2020

FRI 3rd FALLS ON DEAF EARS & FALL FROM RUIN TUE 31st DEC-1st JAN NYE WITH KOVA ME - ORIGINAL HARD ROCK - 9pm - 11.30pm BADD - SWINDON’S #1 PARODY BAND - FANCY DRESS NYE - 9pm-4am (Jan 1st) - £5

FRI 3rd BASS LOUNGE: STRICTLY DNB LAUNCH NIGHT - 9pm - 3am SAT 4th PRIVATE PARTY - VENUE CLOSED FOR PRIVATE FUNCTION BUT THE ROLLY OPEN AS USUAL FRI 10th PRIVATE PARTY - VENUE CLOSED FOR PRIVATE FUNCTION BUT THE ROLLY OPEN AS USUAL

SAT 4th THE SOUL STRUTTERS - FUNK/SOUL/PARTY COLLECTIVE NOT TO BE MISSED - 9pm - 11.30pm

FRI 10th BLACK TREE VULTURES/7EVEN WORDS/ NEW DEPTH - METAL & ALT-ROCK ORIGINALS - 9pm - 11.30pm SAT 11th THE HAMSTERS FROM HELL PLAYING A MIX OF BLUES & ROCK WITH REGGAE & SKA INFLUENCES AND PUNK ATTITUDE - 9pm - 11.30pm

SAT 11th JOSH HEATHER (GETRZ), STEVE HENSBY (AUS TOURING ACT), JONNY SIMPSON, MIKE BARHAM - 8.30pm - 11.30pm - £3 ADV £5 OTD

MON 13th MANIC MONDAYS GAME NIGHT EVERY FORTNIGHT - 6pm - 11pm

SAT 11th THE RAPTURE - THE BEST ALT-ROCK CLUB NIGHT - 10pm - 3am

SAT 18th THE TIN SHACK BAND POPULAR COVERS FROM THE 1960’S UP TO THE PRESENT DAY - 9pm - 11.30pm

FRI 17th PRIVATE PARTY - VENUE CLOSED FOR PRIVATE FUNCTION BUT THE ROLLY OPEN AS USUAL

FRI 17th INNES SIBUN THE BEST KEPT SECRET IN BRITISH BLUES - 9pm - 11.30pm

FRI 24th SIX O’CLOCK CIRCUS BRIT POP AND INDIE ROCK COVERS - 9pm - 11.30pm

SAT 18th ONE STEP BEYOND - SKA/2-TONE/ PUNK/REGGAE CLUB NIGHT - 10pm - 3am

SAT 25th THE SKANDALS SKA & 2-TONE COVERS - 9pm - 11.30pm

FRI 24th FREAK ON A LEASH NU-METAL CLUB NIGHT - 10pm - 3am

SUN 26th - 31st CLOTHES SWAP AN OPPORTUNITY TO EXCHANGE ITEMS IN YOUR WARDROBE - 4pm - 7pm

SAT 25th HERIOT - BANDIT MUSIC PRESENTS - 8.30pm - 11.30pm

MON 27th MANIC MONDAYS GAME NIGHT EVERY FORTNIGHT - 6pm - 11pm

FRI 31st RXPTRS - BANDIT MUSIC PRESENTS - 8.30pm - 11.30pm

FRI 31st ROTTEN ACES OLD SCHOOL PUNK & NEW WAVE COVERS - 9pm - 11.30pm

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REVIEW: Riotous fun at the Playhouse panto Words by Jamie Hill Photography by Geraint Lewis

There’s not going to be many occasions in life where an orangutan and a tea-cup have a dance-off or a fox and assorted other creatures (woodland and otherwise) launch into a big song and dance number that gets the entire audience on their feet.

But Oxford Playhouse’s production of Beauty and the Beast does just that in a gloriously chaotic and hilarious panto that grabs you by the first dance number and doesn’t let go until you’re smiling from ear to ear.

Last year’s production of Dick Whittington earnt the Playhouse rave reviews and this year’s production should definitely achieve the same. As a panto it was the most fun you can have in a theatre for two hours.

The production was directed by Steve Marmion and it showed that Steve definitely has a passion for panto. The scenery and costumes were awash with colour and The Beast himself was mind-bogglingly huge and beastly. A definite sight to behold.

Everything to do with panto was all present and correct from audience participation, a panto dame (this year as a teacup), an ‘it’s behind you’ section and jokes aplenty. In fact there were so many jokes

that it seemed like the audience was constantly bombarded with innuendo and wordplay with only a few falling flat (a weird Mexican scene comes to mind) which is a real credit to the writers with punchlines coming every few seconds.

As with all pantos the storyline itself came second place as fun took precedent over everything else.

But, that is no bad thing. We all know the story of Beauty and the Beast so we would much prefer having another joke or dance number shoehorned in.

Special mention needs to go to the aforementioned orangutan who was the glue that held the show together.

But it was the song and dance numbers that made Beauty and The Beast really shine. Choreographed to perfection they were all toe-tapping numbers that were a treat for the audience.

And by the end of the show the entire audience were on their feet as they sang and danced along to the fantastic number being performed. It was fab stuff.

Beauty and the Beast will run at Oxford Playhouse until Sunday 12 Jan. www.oxfordplayhouse.com

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You knows it.

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Goldie Lookin Chain at Oxford O2 Friday 17 April 2020 www.academymusicgroup.com Coming straight out of Newport, Goldie Lookin’ Chain are one of Britain’s biggest rap groups with 18 albums to their name and an army of hits, including ‘Guns Don’t Kill People, Rappers Do’.

Following their world tour of Wales, the boys are getting back in the van and hitting the rest of the UK to continue celebrating the 15th anniversary of their Greatest Hits album.

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Angel Olsen SWX, Bristol Monday 10 February Tickets: £20.20 www.swxbristol.com

Music for the months ahead Words by Claire Dukes

January. That time of year where bands and artists head back into the studio.

It’s a good time of year - but maybe not so much for venues in this dry month. Then again deadline for this edition was in December, so there’s a high chance that in that time a flurry of live dates across our region’s

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venues have been announced and I am talking utter bollocks (and I hope I am).

Nevertheless, we’re not starved of gigs.

Gracing the front page is Angel Olson. I’ve only seen her live once (Green Man Festival, 2017) and I hope to see her again. Her album ‘My Woman’

was a huge game changer for me and thus my fan girl feelings sparked off.

My [other] must-sees: The Big Moon, Thumper and The Night Cafe. I want Aldous Harding to come back.

Annoyingly (not, really) I was in Oslo when she hit Bristol in December.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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The White Lakes

The Calling

Larkham & Hall

O2 Academy, Oxford Saturday 18 January Tickets: £7.90 www.academymusicgroup.com

Level III, Swindon Tuesday, 18 February Tickets: £27.50 www.level3swindon.com

The Tuppenny, Swindon Thursday, 20 February Tickets: free www.thetuppenny.com

The Mission

The Big Moon

Thumper

Cheese & Grain, Frome Sunday 1 March Tickets: £33 www.cheeseandgrain.com

O2 Academy, Oxford Tuesday 3 March Tickets: £14.10 www.academymusicgroup.com

Crofter’s Rights, Bristol Wednesday 4 March Tickets: from £8 www.croftersrights.co.uk

Palace

The Night Café

The Lovely Eggs

Komedia, Bath Wednesday 18 March Tickets: from £14 www.komedia.co.uk

Sub89, Reading Sunday 5 April Tickets: from £14 www.sub89.com

The Bullingdon, Oxford Sunday 12 April Tickets: from £25 www.thebullingdon.co.uk

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Agony Girl Six-year-old Amy is as wise as an owl. We read her the questions and these are her answers...

Dear Amy, It’s now a whole new year. It’s been a bit depressing for the last year. What do you think will make us smile in 2020?

Gavin, Oxford Birthdays. Lots of them with lots of presents. I like presents.

Dear Amy, Do you like playing with girl toys or boys toys? In fact what is your favourite toy and why?

Gus, Lyneham Neither. I only like decorating houses.

Dear Amy, I’m thinking of turning vegan. Do you have any advice?

Ben, Swindon No. I’m a chickertarian which means I only eat fish and chicken.

Dear Amy, The silicon chip inside her head Gets switched to overload And nobody’s gonna go to school today She’s going to make them stay at home And daddy doesn’t understand it He always said she was as good as gold And he can see no reason

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‘Cause there are no reasons What reason do you need to be sure Oh, oh, oh tell me why I don’t like Mondays?

Bob, Boomtown I like Mondays because I get to not do maths.

Dear Amy, I’ve just had an argument with an American fella about guns. I say get rid of them and he says we need them. Do guns protect people or kill people?

Shirley, Marlborough Kill people but protect too from other guns. If there were no guns we wouldn’t need guns to protect ourselves from guns.

Dear Amy, I’ve got this great new coffee machine that says good morning to me every day. Will robots take over the world in the future?

Belinda, Carlisle No. Because robots are our friends. Well the ones I know are.

Dear Amy, Would this world be better or be worse without teachers and formal education?

Derek, Newbury Worse because school helps you know everything.

Well some things not every thing. Schools can’t teach you how to play and how to climb trees.

Amy

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