Ocelot 161 November 2019 edition

Lifestyle and Culture Magazine

Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

No: 161 November 2019

Free

FEEL THE BYRNE

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Pic by Idil Sukan

What's on

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Oh no it isn’t! Oh yes it is - The Ocelot annual panto giude p20 Magazine highlights 04 Our Man in Japan 06 Encyclopaedia Ocelotica 12 Brews and Eats 20 Panto Guide 28 Primal Scream 30 Agony Girl

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The Editorial Team EDITOR - Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk DEPUTY EDITOR - Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk FEATURES - Claire Dukes - claire@theocelot.co.uk The Sales Team Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@positive-media.co.uk - 07717 501790 Main Number - 01793 320043 Positive Media Group, Old Bank House, 5 Devizes Road, Swindon SN1 4BJ PRINTED BY - Deltor, Saltash, Cornwall

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Our man in Japan

By Bill Hill - Our Man in Japan

Bill Hill is living in Japan for the next few months learning the language and catching some rugby on his travels. This month he’s travelling to Kobe to watch England v USA. Well... realised England v USA was on in nearby Kobe.. got enthused..

Stubhub obliged... £140.. could be worse.

Yesterday early evening was spent headless chickening around central Osaka trying to print out my golden ticket in the name of one such Olivia Richards. I was prepared to whack some lippy on and don my heels... once again, if need be.

“Tonight, Mathew... Bill is ... Olivia” (I actually played Sandy in a brief rendition of ‘You’re the one that I want’ from Grease.. my brother Mike pulled the short straw and was Danny.. such a long time ago.)

Trying to print a ticket off your phone is no easy feat when you’ve only got three years Japanese study plus a recent three week intensive course in Sapporo under your belt.

The 90 minute ordeal that followed trying to print out the ticket seemed a lot longer.

I now just needed to wend my merry way back to nearby Osaka Station (station is Eki in Japanese... which I believe equates to something akin to ‘staging post for horses or horse-drawn vehicles’.. but I digress.. something I’m *ckin good at) and hop on a train to nearby Kobe, which some of you might know is famed for

its beef. What you might not know is that the obliging cows are fed on beer, according to Danny Zuko.. I mean my brother Mike, who visited recently on a fact-finding mission.

I promptly ended up in a different station (Umeda Eki) on a train to Kobe-Sannomiya... one of a clutch with Kobe in the name... I had not researched the destination with any thoroughness... but my suddenly appearing guide named Akira, who’d enthusiastically assumed said coveted role, and who’d never heard of Migaki Stadium, filled me with confidence that I was heading to the right place.

Arrived. Tried hailing a taxi New York style, and it didn’t stop, so I bowed (O-jigi in Japanese.. what?! a bow’s nothing like a jig..?) and another suddently appeared swinging its automatic door open (yes, remember this, because you feel a bit of a donkey trying to manipulate doors that are already doing their job).

When we arrived I arigatougozaimasued (thanked a lot) the driver and scurried across the wide carriageway and disappeared in the dome. A young ticket-checker (not a chubby one) waved his scanner and I got a red light.. twice.. which was

like a Family Fortunes XX amplified tenfold to my chomping-at-the-bit but anxious state of mind. He proceeded to look at me and said ‘okay?’ as if requesting my permission to let him say I could pass ‘go’. I replied with a barely convincing ‘okay’ before slipping through the net of disaster and venturing forth to examine what this Dome could offer.

I quickly found the W7 entrance and disappeared through it like a ferret down a trouser leg (or is it up?)... and bounced up the steps to an arena buzzing with anticipation.

Found my aisle, row and seat....

ALREADY OCCUPIED BY AN ENGLAND FAN!! Knew it. He and his mates showed me their tickets, also bought last minute online, in the name of the aforementioned Olivia’B***ch’ Richards, and informed me that, shortly before, they had also been approached by a group of Welshmen claiming to have tickets for the very same row.

We’d all been had. I found a lone, spare, seat really close by, and settled down to enjoy the encounter.

And I did. It was a predictable win for England but the USA gave it their all and pulled a converted try out of the bag in the dying seconds, one man down!

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FRI 1 - SWI

SAT 2 PART

WED - GRE

THUR + GH - DEA - 8pm

FRI 8 AFTE

SAT 9 - MOD

FRI 1 - DUB + DJS

SAT 1 - 7.30

FRI 2 SHOW FLOO

FRI 2 NIGH

SAT 2 - WIT

THUR LIZZY

FRI 2 - MAN - 8.30

SAT 3 ULTIM - £8 a

NOVEMBER 2019

FRI 1st FRIDAY FRIGHT NIGHT - SWINDON PRIDE TAKEOVER - 9pm-3am - £5

FRI 1st LITTLE GENEVA - ORIGINAL BRITISH BLUES - 9pm-11.30pm

SAT 2nd ZOMBIE SCHOOL DISCO HALLOWEEN PARTY - BLACK PARADE - 11pm-3am - £4

SAT 2nd BARRELHOUSE - VINTAGE BLUES WITH A HARD EDGED GROOVE - 9pm-11.30pm

WED 6th KOCH MARSHALL TRIO - GREG KOCH - 7pm-10.30pm - £18 THUR 7th DROWN IN SULPHUR + GHOST OF MACHINES - DEATHCORE MEETS PROGRESSIVE METAL - 8pm-11.30pm - £4 adv/£6 otd FRI 8th SKA’BUCKS + SKA-REGGAE DJ AFTERPARTY - TOP SKA CLASSICS - 8.30pm-3am SAT 9th FURY INDIE CLUB NIGHT - MODERN INDIE & POP ROCK - 10pm-3am - £5

MON 4th MANIC MONDAYS GAME NIGHT - EVERY FORTNIGHT - 6pm-11.00pm FRI 8th BLACK ROSE - THE BEST OF THE 70’S AND 80’S ROCK - 9pm-11.30pm SAT 9th LOST ELEVEN - COUNTRY BLUES - 8pm-11.30pm

FRI 15th JUNIOR BILL + HERE COMES THE CROWS FRI 15th MIKE HODDINOTT BLUES - DUB REGGAE & RASTA ROCK N’ DIRTY BLUES ALLSTARS - TOP BLOKES PLAYING + DJS - 8.30pm-11.30pm - £3 adv BLUES AND SOUL MUSIC - 9pm-11.30pm SAT 16th LUCY SPRAGGAN - X FACTOR STAR - 7.30pm-11pm - £18

FRI 22nd ALL EARS AVOW - SINGLE RELEASE SHOW - W/SUPPORT FROM HALCYON/ELESSAR/ FLOORBOARDS - 8pm-11.30pm - £4 adv/£6 otd

SAT 16th TRIPLE JD - 100% ROCK CLASSICS - 9pm-11.30pm MON 18th MANIC MONDAYS GAME NIGHT - EVERY FORTNIGHT- 6pm-11.00pm

FRI 22nd FREAK ON A LEASH - NU-METAL CLUB NIGHT - 11.30pm-3am

FRI 22nd RAVE AGAINST THE MACHINE - NON-STOP DANCE HITS FROM THE 90S SAT 23rd SUPERNAUT - BLACK SABBATH TRIBUTE AND BEYOND - 9pm-11.30pm - WITH SUPPORT FROM WYTCH - 8.30pm-11.30pm

THUR 28th LIMEHOUSE LIZZY - THE BEST THIN LIZZY TRIBUTE - 7.30pm-10.30pm - £13 adv/£15 otd

SAT 23rd STREET OUTLAWS - STREET PUNK - 9pm-11.30pm

FRI 29th THE TOTAL STONE ROSES + OAYSIS - MANCHESTER DOUBLE-HEADER - 8.30pm-11.30pm - £15

FRI 29th COYOTE CREED - SOUTHERN COUNTRY ROCK ORIGINALS - 9pm-11.30pm

SAT 30th HOTTER THAN HELL - EUROPE’S ULTIMATE KISS TRIBUTE - 8.30pm-11.30pm - £8 adv/£10 otd

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SAT 30th FAB 208 - ULTIMATE 70’S GLAM NIGHT! - 9pm-11.30pm

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By Ben Fitzgerald

Invisibility

Encyclopedia Ocelotica:

Science is finally coming good on some of its promises - which frankly is about time - given that it’s now 2019.

And as we all know, the future was supposed to start in 2000.

Since 2010, a Canadian company has been quietly working on invisibility technology - we haven’t heard much about it… which I suppose means they are getting something right.

Hyperstealth, a camouflage design company, has been developing Quantum Stealth - a naff name for a very exciting product - and judging by the demonstration videos it’s the closest I’ve seen to a proper invisibility material.

Quantum Stealth is as thin as

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cardboard, flexible and does not need a power source.

It works by using a lenticular lens to bend visible light around any objeect behind the sheet effectively hiding it by projecting an image of whatever is behind the ‘hidden object’.

It’s a similar technology used in those birthday cards that have a disconcertingly three dimensional pug dog on the front.

The firm’s promotional videos show a man walking behind a screen made of the material which effectively blurs out his outline and replaces it with the background of the wall he is standing in front of - making him fade from view.

It’s not perfect, you can see

a slight smudge of something moving around, but then neither was the cloaking technology used by the alien in the Predator movie franchise... and he was from outa space!

Obviously the military are interested in this stuff. I’m sure it won’t be long before we see invisible US aircraft carriers sneaking up on developing countries to surprise them with some high explosive ‘humanitarian aid’ delivery.

Maybe it’s something that would be better left uninvented...?

To find out more about this amazing project see: www. hyperstealth.com and prepare to not believe your non-seeing eyes!

www.theocelot.co.uk

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The Truth, the alternative truth Words by Jamie Hill

Facts and reality are becoming things of the past.

The landscape around is wavering and the ground we walk on becoming unsteady. Be careful where you tread as irrational thought is winning the day. We are through the looking glass staring at reflections of Trumpisms, half truths and outright lies.

Facts are no longer seen as the surefire way to win any argument. No. The surefire way is now to SHOUT VERY LOUDLY and throw in a few insults just for good measure.

And if a few ‘inconvenient’ truths should get through your defences just dismiss them as ‘fake’ and carry on with your day of claiming that vaccines cause autism, man-made climate change is just a myth and that Brexit will lead to Great Britain becoming a utopia akin to the Fifties where progress was an alien concept and everybody had their proper place.

The stupid now rule the roost in our idiocracy. Skills, experience and intelligence are no longer of merit and are in fact seen as weaknesses. Strength of feeling in the face of contradictory reality is the real king here. Feeling rule over facts. They are a sheild against reality.

And in a Russian troll-farm in Nizhny Novgorod a small man in his forties is smiling as he oversees his underpaid army of pale workers who spend 16 hours a day flooding the western world with hate, rhetoric and falsehoods.

‘Solar panels cause cancer’ is the latest falsehood he is

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peddling as his army makes sure that this piece of nonsense reaches message boards across the world.

And in Utah, in a small town called Springdale, Margaret Meecham, a mother of six, who is proud of her town and of her ‘values’ finds the false ‘solar panel’ story on a mum’s forum that usually discusses recipes and the intransigence of the local council to fill in potholes in Main Street and she is incensed as her auntie only died of cancer the year before.

Without a thought she shares the story to her own timeline and to other forums she is a part of. She didn’t even read the story first but she now feels smug that she had done her duty and warned others of the dangers of solar panels.

And in a small village in Surrey called Oxshott, 35 year old Tracey Faulkner has just come in from walking her Jack Russell called Skippy and starts scrolling through her phone.

Her son died of cancer the year before. And her house is less than half a mile from a solar farm. She picks up the phone to her MP quickly followed by a call to her solicitor.

And so the erosion of western values continues unabated.

A little here. A little there. As the troll farms dish out a hate bomb here and a fear bomb there.

In this scrolling society we live in, we no longer have time to carry out rudimentary checks on sources. Who has time for that when Sharon from work has just put up some juicy pictures of her girly night out?

There’s no longer any nuance as fear and hate headlines

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dominate the landscape more and more.

Divisions are created. Huge gulfs between families, friends and neighbours. We no longer trust what the others think. We are no longer in it together but in it apart.

The truth is the quietest voice now. Drowned out in a cacophony of clickbait, a whirlwind of ‘would you look at this’.

Social media has been weaponised as a drip drip of populist propaganda enters our unquestioning brains.

Every issue that there is gets the treatment. Nothing is sacred as it’s all fair game for the troll farm in Nizhny Novgorod. It is an unrelenting machine. Never stopping.

Never ending. Like The Terminator but The Terminator of the way we think.

Brexit and Trump have been the populist staging grounds for this into Western minds. They made beach head with Brexit onto our shores and now with Trump they are only inches away from The Eagles Nest.

The ideas and thoughts burrow into our heads like parasites - ‘The Lisbon Treaty means there will be a European Army by 2020’ shouts one such headline. Another suggest Obama has been funding ISIS. Both patently false.

Both easy to prove otherwise.

But the populace who feed on these tales of fear and hate don’t want anything to get in between their beloved ‘opinion’. They only want to be proven right. (And actually

get quite angry if they are proven otherwise as no-one wants to admit they’ve been taken for a ride - hence ‘I knew exactly what I was voting for’ - urm, no you didn’t. None of us did as it was bloody complicated.

And on the Trump side it was cries of ‘Lock her up, lock her up’ except they couldn’t as she ended up being fully exonerated of any wrongdoing.)

And if a media outlet has the audacity to speak the truth, it is shouted down by those who don’t like that truth as biased and peddling fake news. The term ‘fake news’ was only coined a few years back by the Trump administration as a way of distracting from any stories that put them in a bad light. This was at the same time that the administration came up with the term ‘alternative facts’.

We’ve had the iron age. We’ve had the age of enlightenment. We have now entered the age of the moron.

But meanwhile in a palace a man sits at a mahogany desk and laughs to himself at how easy it has become to shape minds and societies by a little caress here and a little tweak there. No-one knows what his selfish agenda is. Is it more power? Is it more money?

Only he knows. Only he has a clear understanding of what will become of us all once this stirring way of falsity reaches its endgame.

And he just sits there and smiles as he more than anyone else knows the truth.

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Amsterdam: a city to deligh

W

hen you have a day to kill in Amsterdam ahead of taking part in the city’s iconic marathon - the only problem is what to leave out.

Getting around the city is a joy. If you’re a fan of multiple modes of transport, then this is the city for you. Boats, buses, bikes, cars, trams, underground trains, overground double decker trains, and pedestrians all mesh seamlessly like one big groovy set of gears.

But let’s talk about the bikes, because the ‘dammers do bicycles with a style and flair that is the envy of the world. Cycle helmets are out, as is any sense of timid health and safety. You will witness people of all ages hitching a ride on a single bicycle propelled by a pal - ripping along the dedicated lanes with careless abandon; a bouquet of flowers tucked under the pit of the steering arm while the free hand sends a text message

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to arrange a meet up at the Vondelpark, or perhaps the sex museum... Whatever.

Such casual affinity with cycling might stem from the fact that in Amsterdam, children seem to grow up on bikes - being carted around in plywood boxes attached to the front of cycles, before they can even form whatever the Dutch is for ‘We’re going to fall into a canal!’. (since you ask, it’s ‘we gaan in een kanaal vallen!’). The other nice thing is that almost every Dutch bike is a knackered looking ‘sit up and beg’ style job - I think if you showed up in Lycra with a carbon fibre cycle, you would quite rightfully have an Edam bounced off your bonce.

If you’re thinking of spending a city break in Amsterdam, seriously consider buying an iamsterdam card - offering cut price access to more than 70 museums and attractions as well as unlimited access to the

aforementioned public transport network. Prices vary from 60 euros for a 24 hour card to 115 euros for 120 hours. We flew in from Bristol to Schiphol airport on the Friday evening, with a flight time of a shade under an hour, arguably easier and cheaper than getting to your actual London.

There are any number of accommodation options available, depending on how much you are willing to shell out - from decent backpacker hostels to high end hotels.

We booked in at the Novotel, handily just around the corner from the airport. (a reasonable 80 euros a night). And happily, perhaps because the receptionist was impressed at my charmingly mangled use of attempted Dutch ‘Danke Veel’ (many thanks) we got upgraded to an executive room - all right angles and primary colours, in a nod to the pre-war De Stijl design

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elight the senses

movement. The following morning, feeling invigorated and slightly nerve-jangled at the prospect of the following day’s impending 26.2 miles of exertion, we flashed our iamsterdam card and leaped aboard a tram which barreled us into town at a rate of knots.

After picking up our race numbers and taking in the marathon expo at the amazing art deco stadium - constructed for the 1928 Summer Olympics by architect Jan WIls, it was time to turn our attention to fuelling ourselves for the race ahead.

If you visit Amsterdam and fancy a treat, book a slot at the Senses restaurant, in the heart of the city, near Rembrandtplein.

From the outside, the decor does little to set it apart from the many restaurants that line the Vijzelstraaat. It is a culinary playground where Chef Lars Bertelsen and his team set out to create unconventional food

art designed to confound the senses with their weekly alternating tasting menu.

As each artfully created new dish arrived, our waiter explained the course to us and offered a carefully chosen wine to complement it.

Basil ice cream, a tiny course of curry nestled within an egg, a miniature baguette made from meringue, a melt-in-the-mouth peach bellini were just some of the amazing creations that we were presented with. Absolutely stunning and confounding cookery from a chef at the top of his game.

Yes, it’s quite pricey (63 euros for a five course tasting menu) but you could argue it’s an experience that will live in the memory far longer than three visits to a regular curry house.

Fully fuelled and rested, we retired to the hotel ready for the marathon the following day.

Runners are drawn from all

By Ben Fitzgerald

over the globe to take part in the Amsterdam Marathon - first hosted in 1928 for the Olympics.

The well organised event starts and finishes in the inspiring Olympic Stadium, taking participants on a blissfully flat route past the Rijksmuseum, along the River Amstel and through the Vondelpark. It’s a great route with a good mix of urban and rural landscapes to take your mind off the pain. From a runner’s perspective, the event was well served with drinks and refreshment stations every 5k along the route.

Enthusiastic crowd support from the lovely Dutch people helped as strangers urged me around the route. It’s my new favourite city.

Senses Restaurant: www.sensesrestaurant.nl Novotel Amsterdam www.novotelamsterdamcity. com iamsterdam city card www.iamsterdam.com

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In conversation with Ellen Wray Founder and owner of Kapada Vintage www.kapadavintage.co.uk Ellen Wray, 27, has started a new business venture with the opening of Kapada Vintage in Old Town, Swindon.

The shop, which opened last month, has moved into a unit formerly occupied by Blaylocks shoe store.

Miss Wray says the vintage clothing store, which was originally set up as an online boutique in 2016, will offer shoppers in Swindon something very unique.

“I’ve always wanted to open a shop,” she said. “I feel like that’s always been at the back of my mind – and it was just finding the right unit and when this came up I thought, ‘This would be perfect’. It’s in an old building, so it’s got lots of character and I think that’s what drew me to it.

“I wanted to have a different vintage shop that’s why I’ve got at least four different brands – so hopefully a different twist on a vintage shop. I think a lot you go into are a bit full-on, or a bit smelly.

I didn’t want to shove everything in here and have too much to look at.

It also means I can rotate constantly.

But with online I add new items every week.

“There isn’t anything else like it [in Old Town] and I think it’s the same

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for Swindon. You go to other cities and there’s lots of cool independent shops but there isn’t any really here – or as many – for clothing.”

The Fashion (Design Technology) graduate says that since she announced she would be opening the store local businesses have been very supportive.

She said: “There are so many other independent businesses here and just when I announced the opening loads messaged saying, ‘Good luck’ and ‘Let me know if you need anything’ – there’s been huge support which is really nice. I think it’s great that they’re all independent and not chains – it makes them a bit more special.”

Miss Wray says she has always been a lover of vintage fashion and believes in the modern market there has been growing demand for second-hand clothing as an ecofriendly alternative which is more unique in style. “I think that’s always been my thing with wanting to sell vintage,” she explained.

“You get something that’s a lot better quality I think than on the high street, and probably cheaper than a lot of the high street shops.

And I think it’s nice because it has a

Girl bos the lad worki for themse story and no one else is going to be wearing it. With vintage stuff that I’ve worn people have always asked, ‘Where did you get that from?’ and it’s that typical response that, ‘It’s vintage’.”

Miss Wray, who is originally from Bishopstone, moved to Old Town after leaving her previous job in Portsmouth and meeting her boyfriend – from Swindon - in Ibiza.

After juggling her retail “hobby” with part-time bar work, it was in 2018 that she decided the go full-time with Kapada Vintage. She adds: “I think you just don’t put enough time into it if you’re doing it part-time – or can see if it will work. So, that’s why I decided to go full-time. Online is great but for me I felt the next step for Kapada would be to open a shop and it’s something that I’ve always wanted to do.

“Hopefully it will entice more people to buy vintage and hopefully it will bring more people to Old Town and then they’ll explore all the other bars and restaurants. At the moment people will come here to drink but not necessarily think to go to Old Town to shop – hopefully now they will.”

66 Devizes Road SN1 4BD

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bosses: ladies rking for mselves When looking for a new change in life it’s not uncommon that people will either have a ‘sort out my life day’ (aka cleaning the house) or cut/ colour their hair. It’s that moment we all encounter when we crave change in our life because we’re not entirely sure what we’re doing or where we’re going.

There are then other people, like 20-year-old Mila Stanzani from Trowbridge, who look for a new career venture – and by “career venture” I mean becoming your own boss. So, in 2018, Miss Stanzani created her own backpack business under her self-made company Arma-Mi. Why did you start Arma-Mi? What was the inspiration behind it?

I have always loved the idea of having my own business and creating something to be proud of, although after leaving school I did try a variety of courses/apprenticeships/ jobs but it didn’t quite go according to plan as it wasn’t really what I wanted to do.

How did you come up with the name ‘Arma-Mi’?

Arma-mis’ name came about from the design of the bag being shaped like an armadillo, Arma and Mi

In conversation with Mila Stanzani Founder and owner of Arma-Mi www.arma-mi.co.uk because of my name Mila.

Would it be safe to call you an entrepreneur?

I don’t feel like an entrepreneur (yet) just like someone who has started a business and is still finding her feet with it all!

What challenges have you faced in setting up your own business?

So many challenges I can’t even begin, but one of the biggest challenges right now is the marketing and growing the business. The prototyping of the bag took close to a year to get just right, and the sourcing of all the components, fabrics, zips, decals, badges etc, took longer than expected.

What have been the benefits of creating your own product?

It feels good knowing I have designed this product and it’s now being manufactured and sold online.

Benefits of selling my own product is a massive boost to myself that people like what I am creating, crazy.

Why would you recommend your bags?

My rucksack doesn’t look like the standard rucksack, as it has a concertina front panel, so it won’t flop open when you unzip it and

no spillage from the sides either, visibility to the bottom of the bag is also better as it has a wide opening.

It can stand up unaided and hold its shape due to rods being inserted in the front. I have classic colours, (blue, black, green etc) all the way to burgers, leaves, and fruit designs.

Also they’re water resistant – perfect for the beautiful British weather.

Who would you sell an Arma-Mi bag to?

Seeing as we have 18 rucksacks in the range it could be for anybody really, office workers, gym-goers, festival goers, walkers (not hiking) but our main focus is on the students right now.

Would you encourage others to set out on their own business venture?

I would always encourage others to start their own business venture but be prepared for the long haul as I found everything doubled in time and money.

Aside from running Arma-Mi, what else do you like to do?

I absolutely love anything outdoors, winter time being my favourite as I am a keen snowboarder. Very much into my fitness and gym. Almost any type of art project which doesn’t burn down my parents house!

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The Wine Column

The Beaujolais Nouveau Run

By Darren Willmott of vinesight.me

Gentlemen... start your engines Two things any successful business needs are the ability to launch their product ahead of any rivals, followed by a successful marketing campaign to drive the resulting sales.

Beaujolais Nouveau, made with hand-harvested Gamay grapes from the famed Burgundy region was able to tap into both of these and yet, it’s much less popular than it used to be.

In the early 1950s Beaujolais producers set themselves the challenge of beating competitors to market by presenting a drinkable wine as early as possible. Techniques such as speeding up fermentation time were developed to give a ‘finished’ product in as little as 6–8 weeks from the grape harvest. In order to create a level playing field between all Burgundian producers, a standard release date was set as the third Thursday of November (the 21st this year), a date which also happily tied in nicely with the lucrative Thanksgiving and Christmas markets.

Restricting customers to only

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being allowed to purchase bottles at one-minute past midnight on what became known as ‘Beaujolais Nouveau Day’ turned out to be marketing genius, akin to midnight iPhone launches these days. People flocked to be one of the first to taste the new vintage.

The modern day story began in 1970 when two London based wine writers, Clement Freud and Joseph Berkmann, decided to make a bet with each other – who could be the first to pick up a case of the midnight released Beaujolais wine in France and get it back across the channel ready for dinner in London that night?

For the first two years it was a private competition (which Berkmann won both times), but as the word and novelty spread, more and more people began joining in, devising ever cleverer ways of shipping the wine. Thus the ‘Beaujolais Run’ was born, spearheading a massive sales and popularity boom.

In typical 1980s extravagance, one member of the RAF used his connections to ship the wine

across in a Harrier Jet. It might have been expensive, but he set a speed record unlikely to be broken.

Although popularity eventually slipped away from the novelty, the ‘Beaujolais Run’ is still going strong, albeit in an updated guise. Knowing that driving as fast as you can to deliver wine is likely to cause an accident, the rules have been amended from the fastest delivery to the shortest delivery by distance. You’re now as likely to find precious classic cars making the trip alongside expensive super cars, all the while collecting money for charity.

As you’d expect from a wine produced in a mere 6-8 weeks, Beaujolais Nouveau (not to be confused with the longer living wines from the wider Beaujolais region) is meant to be drunk young, a curio rather than a wine that stands up to serious critical appraisal. Uncomplicated, lively and fresh, bottles should be drunk within a year, and will benefit from a little light chilling to draw out the fresh berry fruits.

Cheers!

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The recipe

Partridge breasts with Pear Puffs

Partridge breasts with pear puffs.

Treat yourself to partridge breasts with pear puffs with this easy recipe – made with puff pastry and a pear and cider marinade: Ingredients • Pastry 127mm Squares, defrosted • 12 Partridge breasts • 6 Ripe dessert pears • 375 ml Medium dry cider • Salt and black pepper • Small bunch of fresh sage with stalks removed • 12 Strings of redcurrants, optional • 6 tbsp redcurrant jelly • Beaten egg to glaze Equipment required • Baking tray

• Shallow ovenproof pie dish • Pastry Brush Method 1. Place partridge breasts in a shallow dish with the cider, seasonings and a few of the sage leaves, roughly chopped – allow to marinade for 15 minutes.

2. Peel, halve and core two pears and cut into 24 slices, keep remaining pears to one side.

3. To assemble, lay half the pastry squares on the work surface, place two slices of pear, side by side on each then lay a partridge breast on top of each, keeping the marinade mixture.

Scatter with a little chopped sage and a few redcurrants. Make parallel cuts in the remaining

pastry squares but leave a border around edge of each.

4. Brush the borders of pastry around the partridge breasts with beaten egg, top each with a pastry square with the slits in, press edges firmly together, knock up edges and brush each with beaten egg.

5. Bake for 15 -20 minutes until pastry is risen and golden brown. Meanwhile, peel the remaining pears, core and slice.

6. Heat together the cider marinade mixture and the redcurrant jelly and gently cook the pear slices until just tender.

7. Serve the pear slices hot with the partridge puffs.

Serves 12

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The food bit

By Ben Fitzgerald

Taste trends to watch out for in 2020: ‘sour’ things, rum and... er... space meat!

A fillet of space steak, yesterday

It’s important for the food industry to keep at least one eye on developing taste trends a year or more hence - if you are ahead of the food curve you can get a greater share of the profits before the fickle general public gets bored with the latest new thing and goes in search of the even newer thing.

In 2020, expect plenty of ‘sour’...

‘Sour’ is going to be just colossal - inspired by the popularity of Korean, Filipino and Persian cuisines (and possibly also by the way politics is going). You’re going to see a whole bunch of things containing kimchee, rhubarb, lemons, tamarind, and plums - and you’re going to pretend to enjoy them.

You will also be drinking more rum than ever before - taking the place of gin (previously Prosecco

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and before that white wine) as the school run mum’s favourite tipple. This will almost certainly be rum produced in small batches in artisan conditions by men in waistcoats. You see if I’m wrong.

But, get this, space meat is going to be the big hitter in the near future. Most probs not next year, but some time soon, mark my words - they don’t call me the ‘Nostradamus of Food’ for nothing you know.

Sorry what…? You’ve never heard of space meat…?

Get this... Israeli food technology company Aleph Farms has successfully grown meat from harvested bovine cells on board the International Space Station - orbiting 248 miles above the Earth. Apparently the cells were grown into small-scale muscle tissue using a 3d bioprinter under microgravity conditions. No, I’m

not entirely sure how that works, but if I did, I would be giving it a go myself. The new process not only paves the way for extraterrestrial barbeques but could also provide a cruelty free way of eating delicious steak.

And the same company has also produced the death-free meat in an Earth-based lab, creating a prototype strip of meat in two weeks. According to the team, the taste needs to be worked on… but then people eat Pot Noodle don’t they?

With more people than ever proclaiming ‘I’m thinking of going a bit more vegan this year’ (whatever that means) it’s clear that there is a huge market for this freaky meat - and where there’s a market, there’s profit to be made. And profit fuels progress. I’ll bring you more as soon as I get it.

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T

The Ivy Brasserie: now open in Oxford

he Ivy Oxford Brasserie opened its doors at the start of this month.

In celebration of the opening, a fleet of Mini Coopers and the Ivy Bus - adorned in green ivy travelled through the town.

The Ivy Oxford Brasserie promises an accessible and relaxed dining environment, with a proportion of tables held back for walk-ins to allow locals and visitors to drop in throughout the day.

As well as the main restaurant and bar, guests will also be able to make use of a private dining room - The Botanical Room - seating 24

guests and offering a great location for private events.

The restaurant will be adorned with beautiful and colourful artwork referencing the local area, including pieces depicting literature, botanical gardens and academia.

The eclectic brasserie style menu offers a wide range of

options. And the kitchen, overseen by Head Chef Wojciech Niesluchowski, will serve dishes such as the Ivy’s vegetarian shepherd’s pie, roast pumpkin soup with truffle ricotta, pine nuts and crispy sage and truffled wild mushrooms with potato rosti, creamed mushroom and fried quail’s eggs.

Sitting alongside the food menus will be an extensive cocktail and wine list incorporating locally sourced ingredients and distilleries.

Reservation: 01865 416 333 or visit www. theivyoxford.com

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Theatre for the months ahead Guide by Claire Dukes

The Lovely Bones Photograph: Carlotte Beaumont

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What’s on: everything from the extraordinary to the ordinary, to the heart-wrenching and the hilarious! My must-see: The Lovely Bones and Pizza Shop Heroes!

Thunder Road

The Lovely Bones

Pizza Shop Heroes

Where: Corn Exchange, Newbury When: 7 November www.cornexchangenew.com A bold, original comedy about the power of the Heimlich manoeuvre, the call of the open road, and the kind of friendship you’d take a bullet for. Part quintessentially British First Aid training course, part Thelma and Louise - a story like no other.

Where: Oxford Playhouse When: 11 to 16 November www.oxfordplayhouse.com Alice Sebold’s novel The Lovely Bones is a unique coming-of-age tale that captured the hearts of readers throughout the world. This wonderfully creative production brings her vision to life in an exciting, emotional and uplifting theatrical experience.

Where: Swindon Arts Centre When: 23 November www.swindontheatres.co.uk Set in a pizza shop, four young men reclaim the stories they’ve told repeatedly to social workers and courts, travelling across time and continents to show how extraordinary they are. This is theatre that puts refugees centre-stage.

Dinner

Sandi Toksvig Live!

One Million Tiny Plays About Britain

Where: The Brunel, Swindon When: 29 to 30 November www.facebook.com/DTCswindon/ Paige Jansenn invites some friends over to dinner to mark the publication of a book, Beyond Belief, written by her husband, Lars. A succession of unusual courses, interrupted by the arrival of an unexpected guest, lead to something incredibly sinister...

Where: New Theatre, Oxford When: 20 January www.atgtickets.com Sandi realises some people harbour an ambition to be a National Treasure but following a misunderstanding with a friend has decided instead to become a National Trevor – half misprint, half Danish comedian, novelist, actor and broadcaster.

Where: The Watermill, Newbury When: 29 January to 15 February www.watermill.org.uk Overheard conversations from across the country form this humorous and poignant look at modern Britain.

Laugh-out-loud funny, and sometimes heartbreakingly moving, these insights into other people’s lives reveal the disasters, and joys of life.

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Oh yes, it’s p

Photograph by Anthony Hunt - Michelle Collins as the evil Carabosse for the Wyvern Theatre’s Sleeping Beauty

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’s pantomime season!

This month pantomime season officially kicks off - here’s what’s heading to a theatre near you!

Sleeping Beauty

Beauty and The Beast

Where: Wyvern Theatre, Swindon When: 7 December to 5 January Starring: Michelle Collins, Chris Jarvis and Matthew Rixon www.swindontheatres.co.uk

Where: Oxford Playhouse When: 29 November to 12 January Starring: Keep your eyes peeled, the cast is yet to be announced! www.oxfordplayhouse.com

Sleeping Beauty

Beauty and The Beast

Where: Corn Exchange, Newbury When: 29 November to 4 January Starring: Nick Read, Jay Alexandra Bennett and Katherine Bennett-Fox www.cornexchangenew.com

Where: Theatre Royal, Bath When: 12 December to 12 January Starring: Wendi Peters, Jon Monie and Nick Wilton www.theatreroyal.org.uk

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Award-winning comedian Josie Long is coming to Oxford The three-time Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee Josie Long is finally back with a brand new show and heads to Oxford’s Old Fire Station Thursday 30 to Friday 31 January.

The brand-new show explores the mind-bending intensity of new motherhood, but it is also about kindness, gentleness and joy: Tender.

A cult-optimist herself, Josie wants her audiences to feel optimistic about the future, although in this current day and age, that’s a big ask. But at the very least there will be some silly voices. Of course, its Josie Long: society’s biggest issues that we’re facing today, from climate change to Boris Johnson, cannot be ignored, but Tender’s main focus is about bringing new

life into this ever-changing world.

Having started performing comedy at just 14, Josie went on to win the BBC New Comedy Award, Chortle Best Newcomer, Best Newcomer at the 2006 Edinburgh Comedy Awards and then was nominated for Best Show at the Edinburgh Comedy Awards three years running. She has since sold out West End runs, performed at the most prestigious comedy festivals in the world, written five solo tours and sold out shows in LA and New York.

On screen, Josie has been seen on 8 Out of 10 Cats (Channel 4), Never Mind the Buzzcocks (BBC2), You Have Been Watching (Channel 4) and Skins (Channel 4), for which she also wrote. She has presented on BBC 6Music, was nominated for a Radio Academy Award for her adventurous short documentaries Short Cuts on Radio 4 and earned a BAFTA Scotland New Talent Award nomination for her two short feature films, Let’s Go Swimming and Romance and Adventure and her recent feature film, Super November, was nominated for a BIFA Discovery Award.

For further information visit www.josielong.com

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INTERVIEW: Ed Byrne on his latest show ‘If I’m Honest’ Words by Jason Barlow

A household name teetering on the brink of national treasure status, award-winning comedian Ed Byrne enjoys worldwide acclaim for his stand-up.

With 25 years under his belt, Ed has parlayed his on-stage success into a variety of notable television appearances. A regular on Mock The Week and The Graham Norton Show, Ed has recently co-presented Dara & Ed’s Big Adventure and its follow-up Dara & Ed’s Road To Mandalay, and managed not to disgrace himself on Top Gear or whilst tackling one of The World’s Most Dangerous Roads. As a semi-professional hill-walker himself and fully paidup humanist, he also brought a refreshing warmth and honesty to BBC2’s recent hit The Pilgrimage.

But the Irishman is still bestknown and best appreciated for his stand-up performances.

A quarter of a century at the comedic coal-face has equipped Ed with a highly evolved storytelling ability and a silky mastery of his craft. Yet his wit, charm and self-deprecatory observational humour is often underpinned by a consistently hilarious vitriol and sense of injustice at a world that seems to be spinning ever more rapidly out of control.

Having recently hit a new peak with shows such as the sublime Spoiler Alert and reflective Outside, Looking In, which explored the minefield that is modern parenting and a generational sense of entitlement,

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Ed’s new show If I’m Honest digs ever deeper into a father’s sense of responsibility, what it means to be a man in 2019, and whether he possesses any qualities whatsoever worth passing on to his two sons. Occasionally accused of whimsy, If I’m Honest is a show with a seriously steely core.

Gender politics, for example, is something Ed readily engages with – deploying his customary comedic zeal. ‘I’ll admit that there are things where men get a raw deal,’ he says. ‘We have higher suicide rates, and we tend not to do well in divorces, but representation in action movies is not something we have an issue with. It was Mad Max: Fury Road that kicked it all off, even though nobody complained about Ripley in Alien or Sarah Connor in Terminator 2. Of course, social media means this stuff gets broadcast far and wide in an instant, which emboldens people.

‘The problem with men’s rights activists is that it’s not about speaking up for men’s rights, it’s about hating women. If you’re a men’s rights activist, you’re not going to care about the fact that there’s an all-female Ghostbusters remake. That’s nothing to do with men’s rights or female entitlement. That’s everything to do with being, well, a whiny baby.’

As ever, Ed manages to provoke without being overly polemical, a balancing act that only someone of his

huge experience can really pull off.

‘I did stuff about Trump and the Pizzagate right wing conspiracy,’ he says, ‘and a couple of the reviewers said, “Oh, I would have liked to have watched a whole show of this”. And I think, ‘well you might have, but the average person who comes to see me would not like to see that’. I like to make a point or get something off my chest, or perhaps I’m talking about something that’s been on my

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mind, but the majority of stuff is just to get laughs.

‘People who come to see me are not political activists necessarily, they’re regular folk. If you can make a point to them, in between talking about your struggles with aging, or discussing your hernia operation or whatever it is, you can toss in something that does give people pause as regards to how men should share the household chores.’

He continues, ‘It’s not that I feel a responsibility, I think it just feels more satisfying when you’re doing it, and it feels more satisfying when people hear it. When a joke makes a good point, I think people enjoy it. It’s the difference between having a steak and eating a chocolate bar.’

Ed, who broke through in the mid-1990s when the New Lad

became a genuine cultural phenomenon, doesn’t want to submit to any unnecessary revisionism, but admits that if the times have changed, he has changed with them. He reflects a little ruefully on one of his most famous jokes. ‘There’s an attitude towards Alanis Morrisette in the opening of that routine that I’m no longer comfortable with, where I call her a moaning cow and a whiny bint… slagging off the lyrics of the song is fine, but there’s a tone in the preamble that I wouldn’t write today.’

The new show also takes his natural tendency towards self-deprecation to unexpected extremes. ‘I do genuinely annoy myself,’ Ed concedes. ‘But the thing of your children being a reflection of you, gives you an opportunity to build something out of the best of yourself only for you to then see flashes of the worst of yourself in them. It’s a wake-up call about your own behaviour.’

When I challenge him over the degree of self-loathing he displays, he disagrees. ‘Selfaggrandising humour is a lot harder to pull off than selfdeprecating humour,’ he insists. ‘A lot of people get really annoyed when Ricky Gervais is selfcongratulatory. I always find it very funny when he accepts awards and does so in the most big-headed way possible.

I think it’s a trickier type of humour to pull off, talking yourself up in that way.

‘So no, I

don’t think I’m being massively hard on myself. The fact is when you’re the bloke who is standing on the stage with the microphone, commanding an audience’s attention, you’re in a very elevated position anyway.’

That said, If I’m Honest brilliantly elucidates the frustration that arrives in middle age – and lives up to its title.

‘I’m bored looking for things, I’m bored of trying to find stuff, because I can never find it, and it is entirely my fault,’ Ed says. ‘Nobody’s hiding my stuff from me. Although my wife did actually move my passport on one occasion’.

He insists that, while the show might have mordant and occasionally morbid aspects, it’s also not without its quietly triumphant moments. ‘I thought I was being quite upbeat talking about the small victories,’ he says.

‘You know, finding positivity in being able to spot when a cramp was about to happen in your leg and dealing with it before it does. I was very happy with myself about that.’

Age, it seems, has not withered him. Especially now that he’s figured out how to head off ailments before they become a problem. ‘You see comics who are my age and older but are still retaining a level of “cool” and drawing a young crowd. I can’t deny that I’m quite envious of that. But there’s also something very satisfying about your audience growing old with you.’ www.edbyrne.com Tour dates: aReading’s Hexagon, 15 November aCheltenham’s Town Hall, 29 November aWyvern Theatre, Swindon, 13 March 2020 aBath Forum, 19 March 2020

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Yonaka O2 Academy, Oxford Tuesday 12 November www.academymusicgroup.com

Music for the months ahead Words by Claire Dukes

Gracing the main page is of course Brighton four-piece Yonaka.

Naturally they were on my mustsee list at Truck Festival in July and they did not disappoint. Vocals, instrumentals and performace were so on point, it was such a bold and impressive set - so I can only imagine what their headline set at the Oxford’s O2 will be like!

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Meanwhile things are turning more hard-core in Swindon with the likes of Mother Vulture and Palm Reader. It would seem that the town’s music scene has finally got its edge back!

The biggest and best news (obviously) is Nick Cave heading out on a huge UK tour next year!

Yes, the give-no-fucks, dark king

is coming to Cardiff - a trip I very much hope to be making in May! Seeing him and Patti Smith perform in Dublin earlier this year was such a life-time highlight! He is truly a majestic presence to behold. *Tickets for Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds went on sale after The Ocelot went to print.

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Shakespears Sister

Deaf Havana

Mother Vulture

New Theatre, Oxford Friday 1 November Tickets: From £38.65 www.atgtickets.com

O2 Academy, Oxford Thursday 7 November Tickets: From £22 www.academymusicgroup.com

The Victoria, Swindon Thursday 14 November Tickets: £3 www.thevicswindon.com

JAWS

Palm Reader

Bombay Bicycle Club

The Bullingdon, Oxford Monday 18 November Tickets: £13.20 www.thebullingdon.co.uk

The Victoria, Swindon Friday 29 November Tickets: £7.50 adv www.thevicswindon.com

Great Hall, Cardiff University Friday 24 January 2020 Tickets: From £29.50 www.bombaybicycle.club

Smoke Fairies

Martin Kemp

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

The Bullingdon, Oxford Wednesday 5 February 2020 Tickets: £13.20 www.thebullingdon.co.uk

Sub89, Reading Friday 10 April 2020 Tickets: From £16 www.sub89.com

Motorpoint Arena Cardiff Sunday 3 May 2020 *Tickets: On sale October 25 www.nickcave.com

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Primal Scream are gonna

rock your world!

Fancy a bit of jailbird pie?

Then get your bad self down to the O2 Academy Oxford later this month to see the most sullen men in rock, Bobby Gillespie, prance around the stage like a purple peacock.

Primal Scream will be dishing out extra helpings of their dirty swaggering rock and roll at the O2 Academy in Oxford on Tuesday 19th November at 7pm.

Tickets ÂŁ31. www.seetickets.com Should be fun.

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All Ears Avow All Ears Avow will be taking to the stage at Level III on November 22 for their first Swindon performance since April and their first headline show in their hometown since January.

It’s been a big year for the band: a headline performance at the O2 Academy in Oxford, and appearances at major festivals such as 2000 Trees and Camden Rocks. The band also released their EP ‘Skin & Bones’ which was praised in Kerrang! Magazine and received more than 100,000 total plays in Spotify.

Also, Ears fans should take note that the band will be releasing their new single ‘Pressure’ on November 29.

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Agony Girl

Six-year-old Amy is looking forward to seeing the fireworks this year, but she’s still got time to answer your questions. We read her the questions and these are her answers... honest.

Dear Amy, I keep having tantrums. The other day 21 friends didn’t want to do what I wanted to do any more. So I had a tantrum and now they’re not my friends any more.

Then I was trying to get a toy but because the shopkeeper asked for a bit more time I stormed out the shop and I didn’t get the toy.

Why’s everyone so stupid?

Boris, Westminster You should sit in your room and think about what you’ve done. You shouldn’t be able to play until you stop having tantrums.

up?

Rachel, Devizes I want to teach at cat school. I would teach them how to play nicely as you can’t teach cats maths as they don’t have any thumbs.

Dear Amy, If you had to choose would you choose daddy or chips?

Daddy, Swindon Daddy. Because he’s my dadda. I like chips but they can’t give me cuddles like daddy.

A bird just flew into the window.

Dear Amy, I’m a boy but I like wearing dresses.

Can you give me any dress and hair recommendations?

Dave, Oxford He should just make his hair long and have a blue dress. Maybe purple shoes and a pink streak in his hair.

Dear Amy, With climate change and everything, what do you think will happen in the future?

Linda, Newbury If we don’t do something about it we will die basically. We should all stop building houses and be vegetarian. Otherwise we die.

Dear Amy, What do you want to be when you grow

To write into Agony Girl send in your questions to editorial@theocelot.co.uk

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