MINDFUL PARENTING

by Ronica O’Hara

Lo Bannerman, a Tucson nutritionist, was making homemade cookies with her toddler. “Or rather, making a mess while stirring cookies,” she recalls. “Something in me snapped. I wanted to take control, kick her out of the kitchen and do everything the ‘right’ way.”

As Bannerman took a deep breath, a memory arose. “As a child, I was only allowed to count scoops of flour or teaspoons of vanilla. I was never allowed to fully, actively participate in the kitchen. Everything had to be perfect, and I was not ‘good enough’ to make it so. I felt this in my core. Was I passing this on to my daughter?” Bannerman recalls that, after taking a moment to reset, she and her daughter “happily made a mess, a memory and a foundation for a brighter future together.”

Bannerman, who blogs at NourishingFamilies.org, was practicing an increasingly popular approach in raising children known as either conscious, mindful, soulful, awake or peaceful parenting. Instead of focusing on shaping a child’s behavior through rules and discipline, which can bring up contentious issues of fear, ego and control, the focus is on connecting deeply with a child through love, authenticity and acceptance of the child’s innate nature.

“It’s crucial we realize that we aren’t raising a ‘mini-me’, but a spirit, throbbing with its own signature,” says psychologist Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., author of The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children. “Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor their raising to their needs rather than molding them to fit our needs.”

The transformation starts with—and hinges upon—parents understanding themselves deeply and realizing how their upbringing shapes their parenting actions. It’s not always easy, especially during housebound pandemic months. “Our children have the capacity to trigger us more than anyone else. So, when they exhibit childish behavior—which is, of course, part of their job description—it’s often hard for parents to stay calm,” says Laura Markham, Ph.D., a Brooklyn clinical psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.

“We see our child’s behavior (He hit her again!), and we draw a conclusion (He’s going to be a psychopath!) which triggers other conclusions (I’ve failed as a mother!). This cascade of thoughts creates a runaway train of emotions—in this case, fear, dismay, guilt. We can’t bear those feelings. The best defense is a good offense, so we lash out at our child in anger. The whole process takes all of two seconds, and later we wonder why we overreacted.”

The answer often lies in our past, Markham says. “Any issue that makes you feel like lashing out has roots in your own early years. We know this because we lose our ability to think clearly at those moments, and we start acting like children ourselves, throwing our own tantrums.”

The more deeply we know our-

selves—whether through therapy, reading, journaling, meditation, mindfulness practices or simply facing head-on the hard knocks of life—the more open we are to forging a deep relationship with our children and the easier it is to calm ourselves in the moment of a trigger, psychologists say.

Correcting a child becomes then a matter of being a guide or coach, rather than a law enforcer. “Disciplining from a place of presence or awakened consciousness means having the willingness to pause, refl ect, course-correct as needed in the moment, apologize, take ownership, ask for help and to drop history and reset as needed,” says Renée Peterson Trudeau, the Brevard, North Carolina, author of Nurturing the Soul of Your Family and Th e Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal. “Most of all, practice self-compassion. You will make mistakes. Forgive yourself and move on; this is beautiful modeling for your kids.”

Jessica Speer, a family-book author in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, lives that process. Raised in a home “where anger wasn’t managed well,” she had no tools to draw on when she got triggered by her toddler’s tantrums. It was, she says, “a wake-up call that I needed help.” Diving deeply into books, mindfulness and meditation helped her to understand herself better. “Fast forward 10 years, and I still meditate regularly,” she says. “Now, when my daughter experiences big emotions, I try to ground myself so I can be there by her side. Th is has been so healing for both of us.”

Ronica O'Hara is a Denver-based health writer. Connect at OHaraRonica@gmail.com.

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by Lisa Marlene

With 20 years of experience under his massage belt and a wide variety of certifi cations in modalities such as deep tissue massage and myofascial fascial release therapy for post-op joint replacements, sports injuries, motion and fl exibility diffi culties, back and neck problems, Anthony Hansen’s expertly trained hands have brought relief to more than 30,000 people of all ages, in addition to dogs and horses. Also trained in CranioSacral Th erapy, which can provide relief for headaches and migraines, pelvic and spinal issues, anxiety and depression, Hansen previously owned and operated Absolute Health Th erapeutic Massage from 2000 to 2008 prior to assuming the same roles at Th erapy on the Gulf. Hansen is also a certifi ed lymphedema therapist, treating patients with cancer, lymphedema problems, toxicity, edema and post-cosmetic surgeries. Th e reiki master, qigong practitioner and Juice Plus distributor has been expanding Th erapy on the Gulf since 2008. “To meet the demand, I have added two additional massage therapists, Candace Van Ree and Teresa Kennedy, who are knowledgeable with extensive experience, as well as certifi ed in a wide variety of modalities and techniques,” advises the Naples resident. Candace Van Ree’s client-oriented approach of one-onone conversations to assess expectations and ailments results in off ering the client a range of several therapeutic options that meet specifi c needs. “If a client doesn’t know where to start, I can individualize a session with diff erent therapies combined so they can pick which method suits,” says Van Ree, who has also been certifi ed in many of the same modalities as Hansen, in addition to MPS Pain therapy, prenatal and postnatal massage, hot stone massage, meridian tapping, refl exology and Raindrop aromatherapy. Upon graduating from the fi rst medical massage class at the Connecticut Center for Massage Th erapy in 2004, Teresa Kennedy entered an orthopedic certifi cation program while working in a rehabilitation facility and in chiropractic. Eventually, the Naples resident added massage therapy instructor to her resume, teaching massage therapy courses that include deep tissue for orthopedic conditions. Kennedy believes that continuing education is very important, continuing to study modalities such as myofascial release, microcurrent point stimulation, lymph drainage, CranioSacral Th erapy, Neuromuscular and trigger point therapy. “I believe in a healing partnership with the client that encompasses mind, body and soul. Each of my sessions includes a variety of modalities, depending the client and constant assessments that provide feedback,” she notes.

Th erapy on the Gulf is located at 824 Anchor Rode Dr. For more information or to make an appointment, call 239-262-8722 or email totgmassage@gmail.com. See ad, page 14.

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by Linda Sechrist

Whether ed practices of washing we are hands, using a hand apartment sanitizer and social dwellers or live in new distancing. or old single-family Th e latest technolhomes, the quality of ogy in personal proour indoor air is es- tection, which can be sential to our health, worn as a necklace or particularly as we all clipped to a shirt or recently are spending apron, is an ion-based a great deal of time active air technology indoors lately. Our known as SHIELD Aer. bodies, particularly our “Th e device creates lungs, are bombarded a four-foot clean-air by major indoor air zone, or bubble, which pollutants such as repels and reduces asbestos, biological pol- my personal exposure lutants, carbon monox- to pathogens such as ide, formaldehyde from mold spores, bacteria, pressed wood products, viruses and volatile aclead, nitrogen dioxide, tive compounds,” says radon, indoor particu- Caroline Th onon, owner late matter, pesticides, of Beautiful Health, in secondhand smoke Naples. “It was a psyand volatile organic chological and physical compounds. comfort to me during During South- my recent air travel to west Florida’s hot and humid months of Europe and back, and I felt that it reduced summer, spring and early fall, inadequate my risks while being amongst crowds ventilation can increase indoor pollutant in the airports and other indoor spaces. levels by failing to bring in enough fresh While it didn’t interfere with my breathoutdoor air to dilute emissions from in- ing, it did eliminate the negative eff ects door sources and carrying indoor air pol- of others’ perfumes, colognes or lotions, lutants out of the home. High tempera- which I don’t normally tolerate well. I felt ture and humidity levels can also increase that it was a support to my mask, increasconcentrations of some pollutants. ing the effi ciency exponentially,” says Today, it’s not just the indoor air Th onon, who also uses the device in her that we need to be concerned about. retail space. As we travel outside for long or short SHIELD Aer has a rechargeable distances to visit family or friends, to lithium battery, providing more than 24 work or shop or to take care of personal hours of use per charge. It includes a micro business such as doctor appointments or USB charging cable and a breakaway neck beauty services, most people are con- cord for comfort and convenience. cerned about personal safety. Wearing a mask may be mandatory in some places Beautiful Health is located at 4947 Tamiami of business. For others where it is not, Tr. N. Ste. 105, in Naples. For more there may be other precautionary mea- information, call 239-241-5111 or visit sures other than the CDC-recommend- BeautifulHealth.biz. See ad, page 23.

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by Jack Kornfield

Ioffer this meditation that opens our hearts to gratitude and joy this holiday season.

Let yourself sit quietly and at ease. Allow your body to be relaxed and open, your breath natural, your heart easy. Begin the practice of gratitude by feeling how that, year after year, you have cared for your own life. Now let yourself begin to acknowledge all that has supported you in this care:

With gratitude, I remember the people, animals, plants, insects, creatures of the sky and sea, air and water, fire and earth, all whose joyful exertion blesses my life every day.

With gratitude, I remember the care and labor of a thousand generations of elders and ancestors who came before me.

I offer my gratitude for the safety and well-being I have been given.

I offer my gratitude for the blessing of this Earth I have been given.

I offer my gratitude for the measure of health I have been given.

I offer my gratitude for the family and friends I have been given.

I offer my gratitude for the community I have been given.

I offer my gratitude for the teachings and lessons I have been given.

I offer my gratitude for the life I have been given.

Just as we are grateful for our blessings, so we can be grateful for the blessings of others.

Continue to breathe gently. Bring to mind someone you care about; someone it is easy to rejoice for. Picture them and feel the natural joy you have for their well-being, for their happiness and success. With each breath, offer them your grateful, heartfelt wishes:

May you be joyful.

May your happiness increase.

May you not be separated from great happiness.

May your good fortune and the causes for your joy and happiness increase.

Sense the sympathetic joy and caring in each phrase. When you feel some degree of natural gratitude for the happiness of this loved one, extend this practice to another person you care about. Recite the same simple phrases that express your heart’s intention.

Then, gradually open the meditation to include neutral people, difficult people and even enemies, until you extend sympathetic joy to all beings everywhere, young and old, near and far.

Practice dwelling in joy until the deliberate effort of practice drops away and the intentions of joy blend into the natural joy of your own wise heart.

Jack Kornfield is a bestselling author, Buddhist practitioner and a key teacher in introducing and spreading mindfulness practices in the West. For more information about his teachings, podcasts and books, visit JackKornfield.com.

by Lee Walker

When tional or physical. Melanie Adding extensions Nick- or tightly braidels, owner of Raw ing the hair puts Hair Organic Salon, stress on the hair,” in North Naples, advises Nickels. begins noticing hair Other issues loss in a regular that can cause hair client, her fi rst loss are medicainclination is to ask tions and viruses. the individual if “Any time an they have had their individual has a thyroid checked high fever, surgery by a physician. with anesthesia, “Hair loss is oft en Melanie Nickels the fl u or any type a sign that thyroid of infection, there hormones may be out of balance. Both is hair loss. Sometimes there is a delayed hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism can reaction of several months. Th yroid and cause hair to fall out. In most cases, the heart medications are also hard on the hair will grow back once the thyroid disor- hair,” clarifi es Nickels. der is treated,” says Nickels. While Nickels has long off ered her While the loss of 75 to 100 strands clients treatments for hair loss, she wanted of hair a day is normal in the spring and something beyond only topical treatments. fall, there are a number of factors that She found what she was looking for at a contribute to excessive hair loss. “Gener- conference she attended. Th e hair and scalp ally, it’s a hormonal issue, illness-related, analysis using a specially designed magnior stress-related. Th e stress can be emo- fying microscope, known as a trichoscope, allows her to recommend suitable treatments and products based on the analysis. Nickels keeps the trichoscope before-andaft er treatment photos so that she and the client can fully appreciate the diff erence. “One of the innovative treatments I off er is the NouriTress Oxygen Scalp Th erapy. Th is is the ultimate technology in scalp treatments to assist with hair growth, hair loss prevention and scalp conditions such as dandruff and fl aking, excess sebum (oily), and sensitivity. Th e therapy system cleanses, moisturizes, deeply oxygenates the scalp and also promotes hair regrowth. It strengthens hair roots, improves scalp circulation, promotes follicle stimulation and reduces scalp infl ammation. Th e process involves a 90-day program,” she advises. Nickels is certifi ed in tricology, the study of hair and scalp. Th e founder of Raw Hair Organics, Raw Curls, Rodz Grooming for Men and Raw Paws, Raw Hair Organics Skincare and RawganX, she is also the go to expert and leader in customized specialty curly cutting (Deva, Ouidad, Curlisto and Raw Curls), as well as board certifi ed in organic hair color and precision haircuts.

Raw Hair Organic Salon is located in Winterview Court Offi ce Park, 2940 Immokalee Rd., Ste. 4, in Naples. For more information call 239-597-0939 or visit RawHairOrganicSalon.com. See ad, page 29.