009
CONTENT 002.
021.
051.
Contributors
Feyikemi Akin-Bankole &
Jamila Jones & Maya Jones
Simisola Badiru
004.
033.
013.
CC Welcome Letter
Sera Wellness
Posts We Love
005.
039.
063.
CC Playlist
Dola Posh
041.
073.
Love Defined
007. Breeanna Maree
Chanee & Fanta
009.
050.
Tomisin Oyinloye
Soulmates Defined
Nonye
BUTORS
CONTRI
COCO + CHIS
Breeanna Maree Feyikemi Akin-Bankole Simisola Badiru Tomisin Oyinloye Sera Wellness Chanee Fanta Jamila Jones Maya Jones Dola Posh Nonye
+ YOU SUTRA FAM
Hey Sutra Fam, As humans, we go through life constantly making new connections and fostering relationships with those we meet. Be it romantic, platonic, or even with family. When it comes to love, some people would say it is one of the most important human emotions. Yet despite being one of the most studied behaviors, it is still the least understood. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust. Love is dynamic, not static. It is normal for relationships to drift between different types of love, and it is possible to renew components that may have faded or been neglected over time. Love can vary in intensity and can change over time. It is associated with a range of positive emotions, including happiness, excitement, life satisfaction, and euphoria, but it can also result in negative emotions such as jealousy and stress. In this issue, we delve into the theme of love. Exploring the idea of it in various contexts such as friendships, business parters, self and family. There is no single way to practice love. Every relationship is unique, and each person brings their own history and needs. We hope that through the conversations in this issue, you are able to dig deeper and embrace love in all aspects of the word. Love Always, Coco & Chis xx
L O 05
V "Love is a dynamic interaction, lived every second of our lives, all of our lives."
E 06
BREEANNA MAREE
love is a whisper that gently glides past your eardrum but thunders in your soul, the reverb capable of drawing frowns in reverse, it’s rebirth in full bloom like bathing in the light of a new moon, or emerging from a bathtub renewed that’s love, true to self like shea butter on black skin to preserve its wealth love is light that twinkle in a lover’s eyes, a spark between fingers intertwined unconditional outpour despite disagreement love is that warm feeling carried by a mother’s touch that comes right on time and is always just enough love is a safe place it leaves no room for danger it even works its way into handshakes between strangers, see love’s body is as light as a whisper but its voice is as heavy as gold this is how it leaves an everlasting imprint on your soul love is you love is me love is the only other person i want to be
SELF-LOVE
ME, MYSELF & LOVE
W ---- TOMISIN OYINLOYE
"Love, to me, is a force. It’s more than an emotion and it extends way beyond romantic relationships. When I think about love, I think about the force that flows through everything on this planet. I think about the force that makes the seasons change, creates harmony between humans and animals, and the force that teaches us forgiveness, empathy, and kindness."
What beliefs underlie your self-love? You can be loved by a million people, but none of it will mean as much as you loving yourself. I believe that I owe it to myself to be my number 1 priority. It is easy for me to dream of success but without the right action, it means nothing. At a point in my life, I was tired of living the way I always had. Deep down I knew there was more to life and I knew that the fact that other people were peaceful and successful meant that I could do it too. I knew that, for me to become the woman I have always wanted to be, I needed to believe that it could happen for me and the only way for me to truly believe that was by constantly telling myself that I am worthy of all my hearts desires. I came to the realization that just because I had negative experiences in the past and had people who doubted my ability, does not mean that I can’t achieve. I learnt to harness all the emotions from my negative experiences into a desire to want to be better, instead of letting them continue to bring me down. I wanted to improve - not for anyone else this time, but for me. The moment I told myself that I wanted better for myself and I was ready to do what it takes, my self-love journey began.
What was your introduction to the concept of self-love? It’s quite a funny story actually. In my junior year in university, I moved into a new building with a new girl that I did not really know. I decided to do this because I felt like I needed a fresh start. The first few months with her were kind of bumpy; we got along on a basic level but it felt like there were things between us that we still needed to work through. One day we were talking something out and she asked me, “do you even love yourself?” I remember thinking “Duh, of course I love myself. What kind of question is that?” I answered and I said “Yes, I do” and she said “no you don’t.” I’m laughing so hard as I write this because I can’t even believe she said that to me. Now, it’s obvious that I did not understand what self-love meant at the time. Her response triggered me deeply and I found myself ruminating over that question, “do you even love yourself?” I started asking myself that question more frequently and reading up about self-love. I also bought a journal and I stumbled on affirmations that I played to myself every single day. I began to consciously practice loving myself more and finally faced emotions that I had buried away for a long time. It felt like I was shedding away old skin and becoming a brand-new person and although it hurt a lot sometimes, facing the truth about who I was is the best thing that happened for me.
This journey of loving oneself can be very difficult, as you probably know. How has it been for you and what advice can you give anyone struggling with it at the moment?
It is definitely not easy. For me, the hardest part about my self-love journey has been patience and consistency. It is so easy to forget that loving oneself is a lifestyle and not a means to an end. Some days are worse than others and committing to loving yourself does not mean you won’t have any bad days. The benefit is that you will be more confident when these days come around and know that you have what it takes to get through. Your emotions will no longer define you, and you will always come out stronger and more confident than before. Understand that your life will transform for the better regardless. But on the days where you don’t feel that, give yourself the grace to just be. You don’t need to be sunshine and rainbows all the time. Allow yourself to feel every emotion and don’t beat yourself up if you fall back into any old patterns. Most importantly, be aware of yourself and stay committed to your journey. As long as you have that, everything will be okay – I promise.
What does self-love look like for you? For me, self-love is showing up for myself every day. This means, not just letting life happen to me but consciously creating the experiences I want to have. It means loving myself through the good times and bad times. It means being my biggest cheerleader and my own best friend. It means learning about what makes me feel the happiest and most loved. It means telling myself that my dreams are never too big and I can achieve whatever I set my mind to. Self-love for me is falling in love with everything that makes me who I am and prioritizing people and experiences that contribute to my growth and evolution.
In your opinion, what are the negative and positive influences on self-love in society today? I think social media is so wild because to an extent, it literally dictates who we are as a society. It reflects what people care about and what people think to be true. Taking short breaks off social media has helped me because it gives me breathing space. It allows me to form my own opinions on topics that matter to me and to see myself for who I truly am, not as a comparison to someone else. I think that’s the biggest negative impact on self-love today – the constant comparison that social media encourages. When we open up a feed, it is so easy to wish we had someone else’s life and to pay less attention to our own. One must remember that social media is not the truth and if you find that it affects your sense of self negatively, please take a break. On the other hand, I also think social media is great because now, people are more open to having conversations about so many things that were not as common before. There are so many pages to educate yourself about self-love, wellness, spirituality, even daily habits that can transform your life. It helps to remember that we are not alone on this journey and that there are always people out there willing to support and guide us through. Being open about the things we struggle with can be a superpower also and you could be a post away from changing your life forever.
How can one tend to their mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs at once? Honestly, that sounds like a LOT to do at once lol. I think a good approach is to view them as one whole thing rather than separate elements. Our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs all come down to one thing – our wellness. On a day to day, we do things that affect all these areas of our lives even without knowing. So, I believe the best way to tend to all these needs at once is to be more intentional about the actions we take, the thoughts we think, and what we consume whether it is our diet or social media. My number one recommendation would be starting the day off with a morning routine that tends to all these needs. For example, starting the day off with journaling tends to emotional and mental needs, yoga or stretching tends to physical needs, and meditation, affirmations, or prayer can tend to spiritual and emotional needs too. So, finding a routine that works for you can help to keep you balanced and to ensure that every day, you are putting in a tiny bit of effort to become the best you that you can be.
Often self-love can be mistaken for narcissism. How would you differentiate the two? Self-love extends beyond looking in the mirror and loving what you see. Yes, we should know that we are beautiful and sexy and confident. But I think one thing that people rarely realize is that self-love is every single thing we do, think, say, and believe. Saying no to an event instead of yes could be an act of self-love, going to bed an hour earlier could be an act of self-love, and forgiving someone for the way they treated you in the past could be an act of self-love. Our looks are a tiny aspect of the full picture. There is nothing wrong with being in love with who we are and what we look like – in fact, we should be. However, we should also love ourselves enough to want the best for ourselves in every situation beyond that. I think this is where the line is drawn between ‘narcissism’ and self-love.
What’s one affirmation you tell yourself frequently in this season you’re in? It’s okay to not have it all figured out
FEYIKEMI & SIMISOLA
CC: When and how did your friendship begin? Feyikemi & Simisola: We met in 2009, at the school shop in secondary school. We didn’t really talk much that day because Simi wasn’t very happy about being ‘forced’ to go to that school. The way school was set up, we had 4 different arms of each year and we ended up in the same class. Seeing as we only knew each other because we had sort of met earlier, we gravitated towards each other and we’ve been friends ever since.
CC: When you first met, did you think you'll be friends for this long? Simisola: I don’t think I ever thought about it because I didn’t typically have long-term close friends apart from my primary school best friend. It was just a friendship I enjoyed being a part of and I was open to whatever the relationship would end up becoming. Feyikemi: I’m not the type of person to really think about my relationships in that way. I tend to go with the flow and if I feel I like you as a person, and we can relate then I’m always open to unlocking new levels of the relationship. It worked out with her so yay lol.
Feyikemi, what trait do you admire most in Simisola? Feyikemi: I admire her ability to use her social skills to enhance her brand/career. She is one of the most hard working people I have ever come across. She’s constantly working and I don’t think she really knows. Every time we go out, before I even decide if I like the people there or not, Simi has probably told about 2 people about the podcast and whatever she’s working on personally. It’s a good balance of hot and cold because I can be very anti-social, but I know Simi is doing the Lord’s work for us lol. I hope her back isn’t broken from carrying the entire F&S brand on it. Simisola, what trait do you admire most in Feyikemi? Simisola: Feyikemi is probably the kindest person I know, she’s also really calm and controlled, she tends to balance me out a lot in situations. She’s my partner in crime but I admire how she cares for people even before herself, she could be dying on the inside and you wouldn’t know if she feels like what you are dealing with is more important in that moment.
What would you say are 3 important things that make your friendship what it is?
Honesty Transparency Understanding Understanding Loyalty Love
Often people think a soulmate can only be a romantic partner. Do you agree? Would you consider each other soulmates? Feyikemi & Simisola: This is a funny one because we actually speak about this a lot. As girls, we go through a series of romantic relationships and heartbreak and we are often led to believe that we can only find happiness and love in romantic partners. Over the years, we have found that our friendship is one of our greatest support systems and honestly what more do you look for in a soulmate than someone that supports you through literally everything? We would definitely consider ourselves soulmates. In the context of friendship/sisterhood, what are your love languages? Simisola: My love language is quality time! And my friends definitely indulge me. I love having my friends over and going out to places with them, it makes me the happiest person when we’re happy in each other’s company. Feyikemi: Hm, I would definitely say quality time because who doesn’t like being around their best friend(s). I would also say acts of service and in recent times, physical touch. I really love and appreciate when my friends do things for me knowing it’ll reduce the stress in my life.
If your friendship was a song it'll be.. This was very hard! Please indulge our indecisiveness Feyikemi: I Got A Friend - Davido Simisola: No Stress - Wizkid Both: Have Fun - Bad Boy Timz
How did the idea of starting F&S Uncensored come up? It was honestly just a random idea. We’ve always been interested in music, entertainment and the industry and always had random conversations around it. A few people commented on the fact that they thought we should start a podcast and one day we bought a mic off Amazon and recorded an episode in our best friend’s flat in London. And as they say, the rest is history. We knew our conversations were important and would connect with people, we weren’t going to start a YouTube channel so the next best option was a podcast.
Over 100 episodes later, what has the journey of having a podcast and a platform taught you both? Over a 100 episodes later and we can say a lot has changed in our structure, the way we record and the way we handle the podcast in general. Creating isn’t easy and it’s difficult to remain consistent because even on your worst days, the fans still expect an episode. We have a connection with our listeners that I don’t even think we realize and it’s amazing to see how much it has grown over the years. We initially started off very heavily focused on music, although we’re still heavy on music, we also touch on our personal lives, our friendship, living in Lagos and generally just navigating adult life. We’ve learnt that a lot of people have similar struggles and journeys with us and this makes them feel connected to us in some way.
What accomplishment have you achieved together that you're most proud of? Feyikemi & Simisola: The fact that we are still recording every week and putting the episodes out, doing interviews, going on shows and working 9-5 is enough of an accomplishment for both of us. It is in no way an easy thing, but somehow we get through the days.
What has been your favorite episode and why? Feyikemi: Another very hard question, but to make life easy I would just pick a recent episode for both of us. I liked episode 120 - Another Day, Another Naira because we had 2 of our friends on, and the conversations felt more grown, very relatable and also very ‘free’. I think it also showed our listeners that other people besides us, can relate to some of the same things in life as well.
Showing our skin love is more than what you put on it, what other things can affect the quality of love you show your skin?
What we put in our bodies can affect the health of our skin. Inflammation is an important cause of acne.
You cannot deal with that with a skincare product. You have to go to the
root of the issue. The environment also has a role to play. In hot and humid climates like ours (Lagos, Nigeria), wearing & reapplying sunscreen is essential to maintain the skin's health.
Are there links between stress and skin conditions?
Of course! Both internal and external stressors contribute to our skin conditions. Internal stressors include an inflamed gut or a hormonal imbalance due to an underlying health condition. External stressors include dealing with school, jobs or difficult situations. Stress triggers hormones that result in stress-causing acne amongst other things. Conditions like eczema can also flare up due to stress. When we are stressed, it becomes evident on our skin, from dark under eye circles to deeper lines around the forehead and mouth.
It's almost like society is forgetting the beauty in embracing the art of ageing, specifically the ageing of skin. What are your thoughts/perspective on this?
We believe that ageing of the skin should be seen as normal and that there is beauty in all skin types at different stages in life. We need to welcome the look of our skin as we age. On the other end, we are not against the use of anti-ageing products. People often start using anti-ageing products during the early stages of their lives as a preventative measure instead of taking proactive steps to take care of their skin. Investing in skin care products and taking time out to learn about effective skincare techniques go a long way in preventing early signs of ageing. We believe that learning to embrace your skin at every stage is important. There is nothing wrong with having wrinkles and fine lines. Having airbrushed skin when you age is totally unrealistic.
How long does it take for skincare to work?
We feel like nowadays with social media and impatience, most people are purging or not waiting long enough to see the benefits of a product. Like anything else, it takes time for things to take effect. The rate at which people see changes with the products they use depends on several factors such as the type of product, the ingredients used in the products, even the skin type of the person. Products take time to work, and most times, we don't notice when we don't read up on the product. Change becomes evident when products are used consistently. Ideally, you should see changes at least one month in use. Oftentimes, fast results may seem ideal at the moment but it is causing more damage in the long run.
One thing people are always confused about is the difference between purging and reacting to a product. How do we differentiate the two?
A good tell-tale sign to know if your skin is purging or you are reacting to a product is inflammation. If the acne is inflamed and blotchy, it is most likely a reaction to the product. Purging lasts for about 4-6 weeks and appears like regular acne in different parts of the skin. A reaction usually develops on a specific area of the skin.
Glass, even, flawless skin is the standard everyone wants, but there is beauty in skin that isn't flawless. What are some things that are considered skin flaws that are beautiful to you?
Society's beauty standards are unrealistic. We are all very different, so our skin will be as well. We believe that our beauty and uniqueness lie in our wrinkles, fine lines and beauty spots. At one point in history, beauty spots were not seen as beautiful, but now it is glorified. People were made fun of for having freckles. Now we have so many products aimed at getting the faux freckle effect. It goes to show that the standards are not linear. They evolve over time. We should not allow them to define how we view ourselves. What society calls imperfections; we call beautiful. We consider our beauty spots, textured skin, hyper-pigmentation, birthmarks beautiful.
What are the links between loving our skin and controlling our minds?
How you treat yourself stems from how you think of yourself. It is not different when it comes to our skin. Due to all the content we consume, from the shows we watch to the people we follow, we are sold this idea that perfect skin is all that matters. People end up with low selfesteem for something that cannot be achieved. It becomes hard to love their skin when they are constantly told that their skin is a problem they need to fix. Skincare becomes results-oriented instead of a form of self-love/care. Recognizing that your skin is what makes you unique and beautiful is a good place to start when it comes to loving your skin.
What are some of your favorite skincare brands that embrace diversity in skin types? Some of our favorite brands include MyTopicals, Hanahana beauty, Arami Essentials and Fenty skin. All these brands model diversity excellently, they embrace different skin types for what they are; plus we love supporting black-owned brands.
How can we love the skin we're in more? By first understanding who you are. We need to choose ourselves; not what people have told us that we are, not what the world defines us to be. Then, we need to believe in the truth of who we are. You are a temple, and a temple must be cared for. We can love our bodies more by letting go of people's opinions, society's beauty standards and understanding that we are perfect just the way we are. We need to see ourselves as perfection unflawed.
CC PLAYLIST Roddy Ricch - Late At Night
Nicki Minaj & Skillibeng - Crocodile Teeth (Remix)
Skillibeng - Slow Motion
Doja Cat & The Weeknd - You Right
Lil Baby & Lil Durk - Medical
Polo G - Bloody Canvas
Buju - Outside
Snoh Aalegra - Lost You
H.E.R. ft Yung Bleu - Paradise
Maverick Sabre - I need
The compozers & Mr Eazi - Problem
AJ Tracey - Little More Love
Jacquees ft. Queen Naija - Bed friend
Lojay & Sarz ft. Wizkid - LV N ATTN
King Promise - Slow Down
Olamide ft. Phyno - Somebody
Blaqbones ft. Amaarae & Buju - Bling
Mapara A Jazz ft. Ntosh Gazi & Colano - John Vuli Gate
CC PLAYLIST
Chanee & Fanta.
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How did you two meet? We both grew up in New Jersey and met through a mutual friend in high school. Our relationship blossomed throughout college and only got stronger from there! We spent holidays together, traveled the world, and went through life moments with each other on our side.
Would you both consider yourselves partners, or more like friends?
CH: Definitely friends if not sisters; I think that’s what makes running a brand together a seamless experience. We know when it’s time to work, and we know when it’s time to play. FD: I would say both! We easily know when to turn on business partner mode and when to go back into best friend mode. When it’s time to talk business, we don’t take anything personal and that’s the beauty of our professional relationship. There’s been many times when we had productive meetings to happy hours and outings together.
CH: It’s actually really hard to answer this, which is why I value our relationship so much. There’s a lot to value! I would say our bond is one of my favorite things. We just get each other. It’s refreshing having someone who just understands. FD: I can list hundreds of things, but to sum it up, we truly understand and get each other. We know how each other likes to show and receive love, we know what will make each other smile, we know each other's strengths and weaknesses, and we know each other’s biggest dreams and goals. We even know what songs each other will end up falling in love with.
What do you value the most about your relationship with one another?
Tell us about the birth of the brand you both created, Melanin Moi
CH: I came on in the early stages, but Fanta actually started the brand! I would send her a bunch of ideas for the brand, not thinking much of it. But looking back, it made perfect sense for me to join the team. She asked me to hop on board while we were together one day. Of course I said yes. Since then, we’ve built a solid community of Black Women that share our interests. While also producing content that we’re proud of. FD: I created MELANIN MOI a few months after graduating from college. During that time of my life, I began my natural hair journey and it was so frustrating trying to find natural hair products that worked for my type of hair. After watching hundreds of YouTube videos, and countless searches online, I realized there was a problem -- There wasn’t a platform that I could rely on that showcased people who looked like me. I wanted to build a onestop shop for Black women to go to and get tips, resources, and genuine reviews.
How important is it to both of you to be friends with, and create sisterhoods with other Black Women? CH: So important. That’s why our entire platform prioritizes the aspect of community. Black Women are able to connect on such a deep level. We understand how to make one another feel loved, welcomed, heard, and appreciated. FD: It’s crucial. Black women have been the blueprint for so many things. We make it a mission to consistently share content, resources, and stories of Black women on MELANIN MOI.
What’s an immediate friendship turn off for you? CH: Dishonesty and a sense of competition are big no-no’s for me. My friendships with Black women mean a lot to me, I enjoy those genuine moments of bonding and letting my guard down. It’s impossible to do that when dealing with a dishonest or constantly competitive person. FD: Competition. All of my close friends are genuinely happy for my wins and vice versa. We also thrive when we see each other win, whenever there’s an opportunity my friends comes across and thinks of me, they share it with me and I do the same. My friends understand that we motivate each other and that's why we want us all to win. When one of us rises, we all do.
A perfect day spent together looks like what for the both of you?
CH: Good food/drinks, a great playlist, and a fun activity that allows us to get dressed and have a good time! FD: Lots of laughs. The types of laughs where it hurts your stomach and you can’t breathe.
Is it often hard to say no to each other without feeling guilty?
CH: Hmmm, not for me. If it’s MELANIN MOI related, we both know that it’s in the best interest of the brand. FD: Agreed. As mentioned earlier, one of the things I value about our professional relationship is that we do not take anything personal and we trust each other’s judgments. Chanee has strengths in area where I lack, and vice versa.
Do you struggle with developing and keeping healthy boundaries?
CH: The older I get, the easier it becomes to develop and keep boundaries. Making sure your needs are heard and respected is really the foundation of a flourishing relationship/friendship. FD: It’s definitely been a learning experience for me. However, each day I find myself choosing my self-care even more, which leads to keeping healthy boundaries. When my mind and body is in the right headspace, all is well.
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strong connection with, who gives you a sense of peace and rightness and yet challenges you to grow and be the best version of yourself
setamluos
someone you have a
Jamila & Maya SISTERS
What is the earliest memory together that you each remember? Maya: Great question as I'm not 100% sure! I remember best what I see in pictures but I think it may be a trip with our parents when we were maybe 7 or 8 and made a visit to DisneyLand. We went on a Jurassic Park ride and Mila lost her glasses. I felt so bad for her but then we found the glasses and enjoyed the rest of the trip. I just remember the most feeling stressed for her as something pretty scary had happened to my twin and I wanted her to be okay. Jamila: My earliest memory with Maya would be playing around the neighborhood back at our childhood home in Ohio. We always watched the older kids ride bikes before we knew how to and teach us new things. One day Maya learned how to tie her shoes and she ended up teaching me how, I was so excited and I always get excited to learn new things from her to this day.
How often are you guys around each other? How blended are your lives? Maya: We are together all day every day. We are roommates and are really only ever apart when we are at work. Our lives are very much blended and work is the biggest difference between our daily routines. Our hobbies are the same as well as our friend group except for our work colleagues. My career path is focused on sales and styling while Jamila's career is solely dedicated to fashion design. Jamila: Pretty much everyday! We live together and are really close, so we’re around each other a lot. We went to the same college, moved to NYC together and always travel together, so our lives are very in sync. How has your relationship as twins changed from when you were young up until now? Maya: Our relationship is very much still the same. We prioritize our relationship as much as we can before others, even our own parents. We are each other's secret keepers and best friend. Although we argue from time to time, we've done a much better job at owning up to our behaviors, apologizing and not holding grudges.
Outside the context of romantic relationships, what are your love languages? Maya: Our love language between each other is definitely discovering new things together whether it be a park, trying a new food or meeting and bonding with a new friend together. We've lived almost the exact same lives as each other so we absolutely love finding new things and bonding together through them. Jamila: Being patient with each other! We’re together so often, almost too often sometimes, and end up stepping on each other’s toes sometimes. What are your favourite ways to show that you love your twin? Maya: Surprising each other! We love sneaking a gift or decorating for a birthday/special occasion. It's very hard to do as we know each other very well and live together. So when we are able to pull it off it's very exciting. Jamila: We love planning sister dates with each other! We’re always planning fun things to do and new restaurants to try. We always joke we don’t need boyfriends to take us on dates because we always do everything together.
SRETSIS
LOVE
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Maya: We are both very similar in many ways but outside of appearance we are very friendly, sensitive, creative, hard working and easy going. Jamila: Our love for fashion is one of our strongest similarities besides our physical appearance! In what ways are you two different? Maya: Tough question - we are so similar! Our closest friends normally say that my style is a little sportier, I can be a bit more spontaneous, and a little more calm. While Mila isn't necessarily the polar opposite of all those traits and neither am I, she can be a bit more focused and her style is more feminine than mine. Jamila always knows exactly what she wants while I tend to slightly wonder at times. I admire that about her! Jamila: We’re both creative but I’m definitely more hands on with my creativity being in fashion design. Who is the more shy twin? Maya: Neither one of us are shy, but I'm a bit more sociable. Not that Mila doesn't go out but it's definitely harder to keep me at home lol. Jamila: Neither one of us are necessarily shy, but Maya is definitely more of the outgoing twin!
?tnereffid tub emas
In what ways are you two similar?
When was the last time, if any, that you took advantage of the fact that you can easily pass for each other? Jamila: It’s been a really long time, but I tricked one of my old managers and had Maya sit in on a meeting with him that was meant for me. We switched clothes and everything so we got him really good! It’s a little harder to trick people as we’ve gotten order, especially since we have different hairstyles now Maya: In 27 years we've only tried to pass for each other really once. When we first moved to NYC I showed up at Mila's internship and sat in her boss's office without notice. We fooled him for maybe 5 minutes before he figured it out but it was so much fun. We don't think we look enough alike to really play tricks on anyone so it's not something we think of often. :
Looking back, what things did your parents implement or say to ensure they raised two sisters that love and care for each other?
What advice would you give other sisters to encourage a more loving relationship? Jamila: Always always but each other first, and treat each other with respect! Maya: The biggest piece of advice I'd give is always always try to put the other sister's feelings into perspective. Put yourself in her shoes. Sometimes we don't realize how our body language or tone can come across. Very often Mila and I will argue over the way things were said but not actually the words themselves.
Jamila: Our parents hate when we argue, even if it’s over the smallest things. They’ve always told us to treat each other the way we want to be treated no matter what, and to always be there for each other. Maya: My parents are amazing, they constantly remind us how lucky we are to have each other. They always remind us to take care of each other. During this pandemic especially, we've realized how blessed we are to have constant company and security within each other. We're forever grateful for each other.
POSTS WE LOVE
POSTS WE LOVE
DOLA POSH
motherhood
Ibidola, also known as “Dola Posh”, is a Nigerian portrait photographer based in the United Kingdom. She works from the landscape of her imaginations and focuses on telling the stories of everyday life. She is also a mom to a ten months old daughter.
How have your notions of what it means to be a woman changed over your lifetime? My perception of what it means to be a woman has changed over time. Being a woman is to stay true to my identity, share my stories, and stand on what I desire to be. Womanhood is beyond the ability to carry a child. It is confidently training my daughter to have a voice in the society we have today. To follow the steps she wants to take in life without being afraid. To dream and accomplish as a Black Woman without worrying about her background, colour or if the world will love her. As a woman, I identify as a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a friend, a teacher, a photographer and at times, these identities overlap. Sometimes being a sister is all I can be, and other times being a mother triumph above all. Women are powerful, strong and beautiful beings. Now I feel connected to more women than ever before.
How did you spend your first mothers day this year? How did it make you feel? On my first mother’s day, I made plans like it was my birthday. That morning, my daughter started teething, her body was so hot, and she was very uncomfortable. So I cancelled my spa day; I had lunch in bed and watched Merlin (an old British fantasy programme) with her on my chest. I also ordered the wrong dessert (alcohol-filled tiramisu) from being so exhausted. Ugh, it was a day to remember that life has changed completely. My husband saw how crawled up I was in bed, sad about my tiramisu and bought me more flowers, super malt and a slice of red velvet cake. That made me smile. Lol. Since having your daughter, what has she taught you about love? My daughter has taught me that love is eternal and straightforward. Most days, she just needs me to hold her hand while she sleeps or read her favourite book to her or hold her while I work. To her, Love is looking into my eyes and me smiling at her. Other days, love is just unexplainable.
Did this change from when you were pregnant? Or was your idea of love the same during your pregnancy and now that you’ve had her? My idea of love changed after she was born. Having her in my hands felt like I was holding my heart. Her birth is a blessing, and I will continue to treat it as such. The love I have for my daughter increases every day. I cannot explain it. We are grateful and so blessed to have her. There’s something so special about her being. Whew. I love her so much.
Watching the love between one’s parents influences how one grows up to love. What do you want your daughter to learn from the relationship between both her parents? I want her to learn that our love involves patience, tolerance, hard work and companionship. It is opening up our heart to communicate how we feel to one another. I also want her to know that she is enough. To also embrace her individuality, as we have done and know she will forever have us to call home. What’s your favourite way to bond with your daughter? Everything we do is a bonding moment, from bathing to breastfeeding, reading to her and our mini playtimes or a little trip to the nearby farm market, park and gardens. To be honest, I don’t have a favourite. I just look forward to seeing my daughter smile and explore each day with her. Soulmates come in different types of relationships. For example, would you say you’ve found a soulmate in your daughter? I don’t think my daughter is my soul mate. Her father is. She is precious, and we both love her deeply.
Is there something / a tradition your parents did with you that you’re going to make sure you do with your daughter? I was born and raised in Nigeria, and my parents were so full of life. My mom and dad would take me on road trips around Nigeria to see nature like Ekiti ikogosi warm spring, Osun river, Abeokuta olumo rocks etc. I remember those precious moments, that summer my parents gave me my first camera ever.—a little pink sony camera. I took pictures of everything I saw. I guess that why I am a photographer today. I want to carry on that tradition with my daughter and tell her our traditional stories as my parents did. I find myself reconnected to my heritage, searching for different resources here in the UK to help us feel connected to our home. Making new memories is my favourite thing. I document them all. What’s the one lesson or principle you want your daughter to always remember? It more like lessons for me. I want my little daisy to be kind, courageous and to live life beautifully.
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On loving your hair.
Have you always had natural hair? I have not always had natural hair. I had relaxed hair as a child until I finished secondary school. In secondary school, I had short hair which I would relax sometimes just for fun but I was never completely natural. Was it a conscious decision to keep your hair natural? No it was not. It was more like my big sister’s decision for me. At that time, the natural hair movement just started in Nigeria so she told me not to relax my short hair that I was trying to grow out for a year & relax again. I went along with it and came to love my hair with time, I would say it’s one of the best decisions ever.
Have you ever experienced any form of discrimination because of your hair when you have it out? Yes, I have a lot actually. The two that have stuck with me was the first time I went to a departmental meeting with my course adviser and he pointed my hair out in the midst of everyone and told me to cut it or do a hairstyle (updo with extension). The other time was a road side bread retailer who called me an African native doctor (traditionalist) because of my hair. In both cases, I was wearing my hair in a big high puff. I wished I was with my phone, I would have caught her on camera. I think she would have gone viral haha.
What's your favourite protective hairstyle and why? It’s twists. It’s super versatile easy to install and loosen. Gives me access to my hair & scalp, that way I can still maintain moisture, take care of my scalp & retain length. Haircare days, would you say they're a love language you show yourself? Honestly, it goes both ways. Sometimes I don’t want to do it and other times I’m looking forward to doing my hair, it’s a big part of my lifestyle. What is your favourite part of wash day? Deep conditioning. Especially when I’m just using a good penetrative conditioner that has a ton of slip. It’s just awesome.
Some people think that people who wear weaves/wigs don't love their hair. What do you think about this? Is loving your hair only acknowledged when it's embracing and wearing one's natural hair? In my opinion you can rock your hair in any way you want to as long as you are taking care of your hair beneath the weave or extension. Loving your hair has nothing to do with the hairstyle, even though wearing it often can help appreciate its beauty more. As well as teach you how to manage and take care of it better.
The End.