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Making sense of male suicide.
THE DIVERSITY OF MEN. There is no single way to be a man. No uniform male experience. And no universal story that explains how men come to suicidal crisis.
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SUICIDE CAN AFFECT MEN FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE. Men who are financially rich and men who are struggling. Men who are loved and men who feel alone. Men whose pain is visible - and men whose pain is hidden. Men of different ethnicities, sexualities, religions, class, and abilities.
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Suicidal pain can affect men whose lives look very different. In a study from Brazil, a man who died by suicide was described as: “a womanizer who wanted to seem challenging and unattainable. He used to walk around carrying a knife on his waist as a symbol of his masculinity.”
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Another man from the same study was described as: “loved and admired by those who surrounded him; everyone came to him for advice.” Here we see descriptions of two very different men - both died by suicide.
Meneghel, S. N., Gutierrez, D. M., Silva, R. M., Grubits, S., Hesler, L. Z., & Ceccon, R. F. (2012). [Suicide in the elderly from a gender perspective]. Ciencia & Saude Coletiva, 17, 1983–1992.
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To increase our understanding of male suicide we have to avoid stereotypes about men’s lives.
Simplified narratives about men’s pain, emotional lives, helpseeking, and coping can obscure profound differences in how distress is experienced, expressed, and endured.
SEEKING HELP
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For example, in our research, there is huge diversity when it comes to seeking help. Some men are resistant to the idea of getting help because they think it would be a sign of weakness. Other men are desperate for help, but can not afford it, or have been for help multiple times and not found it effective.
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“It’s pathetic. If a guy goes to therapy he’s weak. Men are meant to be strong any guy who goes to therapy is admitting that he’s weak” British man, 19, thoughts of suicide in the last week
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“I would encourage men to go to therapy or get any other help because I would never judge them for that but I could never go myself.” Australian man, 19, who has made multiple suicide attempts
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“I have tried this nonsense (professional support) in the past for the best part of a decade and none of it does anything for me. The problem is not with me, it is the so-called “support” offered and how shit it is.” British man, 27, thoughts of suicide in the past week
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EMOTIONS Likewise, there is huge diversity in how men relate to their emotions and cope with pain. For some men, silence and suppression may feel protective and calming in moments of crisis. For others, silence can feel dangerous.
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Coping strategies that offer relief for one man may not work for others. And these strategies are not fixed; they can shift over time as men grow, change, and move through different life circumstances.
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“I don’t like talking and it makes the pain so much worse so i rather bottle it up since that makes me feel a bit better” Swedish man, 20, thoughts of suicide in the past week, over 5 previous attempts
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“Emotions are there for a reason. If you bottle it up it is still there and it will take its toll on you, it just will. It’s just not good for you; it’s just not good for you at all (...) because you’re cutting part of yourself off.” British man, 27, who has attempted suicide
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CHILDHOOD Experiencing adversity in childhood can be a suicide risk factor, but again men can experience very different upbringings. Some men leave childhood carrying anger toward those who harmed them. Others leave feeling indebted to those who loved them. Suicidal pain does not emerge from one single kind of childhood.
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“I would like to out-live my abusive parents. I plan to desecrate their graves, if possible.” American man, 38, attempted suicide
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“My mother has sacrificed too much to drag me this far in life. I don’t want to cause her that pain, because she has done nothing to deserve it.” American man, 31, thoughts of suicide in the last week
LONELINESS
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Loneliness and isolation are often a feature of men’s suicidal pain, but these feelings can present very differently. Some men are surrounded by family, friends, or colleagues - yet feel deeply alone and compelled to conceal their distress. Their isolation may be difficult to detect. Other men experience prolonged social disconnection, where their isolation is more outwardly visible to others.
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“I’m not adding to anybody else’s life. I can go for months and years without talking to family members, so you know, if I’m here or if I’m not here, what difference does it make …” A Canadian man, aged 40–49 years who has been suicidal
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“With my closest friends it was, “I don’t want you to know how I feel.” I’m a dad of three kids and a husband. I’ve got a good job. I don’t want you to know that I’m so sad that I cry at red lights.” Australian man, 36, who has attempted suicide
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Seeking to understand male suicide means walking a tightrope... ... on one side, we must respect the wide variation in men’s lives, stories, and pain...
... while also looking for patterns that can help us better understand risk.
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In this quest, we have to resist That’s why one-size-fits-all explanations so simple stories about who men are. often fall short - because every man who
is suicidal carries hisrecognise own symphony of We need to the diversity of men’s lives and the complexity of their experiences. Patterns can A more compassionate society begins exist - but they never tell the whole when men’s pain is allowed to be heard, story. and met in its full complexity. Real understanding depends holding Find on out more:individuality and commonality at once - and malesuicideresearch.com/resources remaining deeply curious about the complex life each man is living. Find out more: actiononmalesuicide.org/resources