Cutting out all the words from Connecticut

"You walk around downtown Houston, which is butt ugly, not much there..." said Connecticut Gov. Ned Lamont. He was speaking on a local morning radio program in, obviously, Connecticut, commenting on Houston, host of the Final Four which UConn’s Huskies won. "Except for the UConn fans," he said, "everywhere you'd hear bouncing off of those big, empty walls, 'Let's go UConn, UConn Huskies.'" On yet another radio program Gov. Lamont said:

"You're walking around downtown Houston, it's kind of godforsaken, not very pretty…” Gee, and we spent so much time and effort behind those big, empty walls to make our visitors welcome. At such times we might be defensive and fight back, with comments like: “No one ever said, “Hartford, the Eagle has landed.” Or even, “New Haven, we have a problem.” Such retorts would be childish. So would, “What about Benghazi, Hillary?” That accusation is still ripe in some GOP circles. We must look at these uncalled for and gratuitous insults in a typical Texas way. No, don’t shoot him, reason with him. First, we need to note all the good points about Connecticut. It is the nation’s third smallest state, hence its license plate logo: “We’re Bigger than Rhodes Island and Delaware.” The name Connecticut is derived from the Mohegan-Pequot word that has been translated as “Boorish Yankee.” Actually it means “long tidal river" and "upon the long river." The state is 5,543 square miles, which would easily fit into our Brewster County (6,193 square miles). Its state song is “Yankee Doodle.” Ours is “The Eyes of Texas,” or should be. State nickname: “The Nutmeg State.” Connecticut residents have the second highest rate in the nation of combined state and local taxes (after California). Connecticut’s population: 3.6 million, a bit more than one-tenth Texas’. It has Yale University, established in 1701. The school produced Nathan Hale and William Buckley, the latter being the last sane Republican and the quintessential Ivy Leaguer. Little known fact: Buckley’s grandfather was the high sheriff of Duval County, Texas. That’s all we need to know about the Nutmeg State. Insulting Houston and Texas is nothing new. We get put down all the time. You can chalk it up to jealousy. “Buc-ees is too damn big,” wrote Gerrett Martin of Atlanta-based “Paste Magazine. I don’t even think it’s fair to call Buc-ees a gas station; Buc-ees is basically a KMart that only sells junk food and Buc-ees shirts. It’s overwhelming, and not really in a good way – especially when the store is packed.” Other observations: “Galveston is destroyed beyond its ability to recover." U.S. Army Quartermaster after the flood of 1900 in a report to the War Department. John James Audubon visited Houston in the 1840s and later wrote, “We ap - proached the President's mansion, wading in water above our ankles." He noted that the mansion was a dirty and muddy hut and that the Capitol roof leaked. The mansion’s inhabitant didn’t fare much better. Alexis de Toqueville, French author of “Democracy in America,” after meeting Sam Houston, said, "He is one of the unpleasant consequences of popular sovereignty.”

Consider a fellow named Charles Hedenberg who persuaded an uncle living in New Jersey (not Connecticut) to come to Houston in the late 1830s.

The uncle arrived one morning and transferred his bags to his nephew's business, Hedenberg and Vedder. Charles suggested that his uncle go over to the Capitol and watch Congress in action. The uncle agreed and went to the Capitol, whereupon he heard gunshots. He rushed to a hallway just in time to see Algernon Thompson, a Senate clerk, being carted off. Thompson had been severely wounded by another clerk. The uncle left the Capitol and walked down the west side of Main Street. As he passed the

Round Tent Saloon, inside, one Texian soldier shot another. The wounded soldier staggered out and almost fell on the New Jerseyian. He ran across the street and arrived at John Carlos' Saloon. Just then a man fell out of the saloon with his bowels protruding from a huge wound made by a Bowie knife. The newcomer raced back to his nephew's store and said, “Get me a dray so I can at once go to the boat that leaves for Galveston this afternoon." "Why, Uncle, what do you mean? You have seen nothing; have not had time to look at the town." "Charley," said the uncle, "I have seen enough. I wish to return home immediately. I do not wish to see any more of Texas." He left.

“If I owned Texas and hell, I would rent Texas and live in Hell.” That famed quote came from Gen. Philip Henry Sheridan. He later explained, “In all my life, gentlemen, I will never forget my first visit to the State of Texas. I had been bumped over its sterile plains for a week in an ambulance. I was tired, dusty and worn out. When

I reached my destination (Galveston), I found some people there who wanted me to talk and be received and all that sort of thing, before I had a chance to get the sand out of my eyes and ears. One fellow was persistent. He asked me with pure American curiosity what I thought of Texas. In a moment of worry and annoyance I said if I owned hell and Texas, I would live in the former and rent out the latter. The fellow who asked me the question proved to be a reporter. The next day, what I had said was in print and I never could stop it.”

One last slap from Connecticut Gov. Ned Lamont. He said the Huskies' victory "is enormous for UConn, and it's enormous for the state of Connecticut," noting that "for one brief and shining moment everyone was talking about the state of Connecticut." Yes, one brief moment. Enjoy your 15 minutes of fame. Connecticut's victory over San Diego State ended up being the lowest TV-viewed final on record.

Ashby trades insults at ashby2@comcast.net