StudentsXpress Winter 2020

What do cows do at a party?

Jumping ball pit Naomi D.

While showcasing art and writing from students in Chicago Public Schools, StudentsXpress promotes creativity and literacy, encourages alternative expressions, creates positive self esteem and opens discussions.

www.studentsxpress.com Publisher Rachel Switall Magazine Group, NFP Rachel Switall Editor, Art Director, Production Manager rachel@studentsxpress.com Ethan Switall Social Media Manager

Cover by Naomi D.

Dear Readers, It’s been a tough year in many ways. We could all use a little humor. That’s why this issue of StudentsXpress is all about HUMOR. Whether it’s through a joke, a story or a funny picture, I hope you enjoy the humor on the following pages.

A big thank you to all of the students and teachers who submitted work for this issue. I know how hard it is with remote learning, and I appreciate the effort that went into making and turning in all of these pieces.

Whether or not you participated this time around, I hope you will consider doing so for our next issue—all about TRAVEL (see the prompts to the right).

One of the things I miss most during this time is live theater, and one of my favorite theaters in Chicago is Porchlight. Please check out their ad on page 5 to see what they have to offer, including youth classes, workshops and more.

I hope you enjoy this issue!

—Rachel

www.studentsxpress.com

Next issue: Travel Where is the best place you have ever traveled? Why? What did you do there?

If you could travel anywhere (on Earth or beyond) where would you go?

Why did you choose this place?

How would you get there?

Who would you bring with you?

What would you do while you are there?

How long would you stay and why?

What would you miss most about being home?

Draw a picture of you (and your traveling companions) at your destination.

Please turn in your submissions to your teacher or rachel@studentsxpress.com by March 5

Where’s the Word Search?

Since this is a digital-only issue, you can find the Printable HUMOR Word Search on our web site.

Just go to: www.studentsxpress.com > For Students > Games Students— When submitting work, please be sure to write neatly. Spell check does not check names, so I apologize if I got any names wrong!

Also, if you’re turning in artwork, unlined white paper is the best.

And please write your name on every page submitted.

Thank you!

Contact rachel@studentsxpress.com if your school would like to participate in StudentsXpress.

Sponsored by Constant Contact

Can you find these pictures throughout the magazine?

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There was once a team of FBI agents called “The Back-up Back-up Backup Back-up Back-up Back-up Back-up Back-up Back-up DO NOT CALL IN UNLESS THEY’RE YOUR LAST OPTION team.” Basically, they were the WORST team of FBI agents to ever exist. There was a total of five of them. They were named Agent Bobb, Agent Tallie, Agent Record, Agent Luxury, and Agent Linda. Don’t ask me why the last agent had a normal name. Honestly, I don’t know. Anywho, Agent Bobb would sit around and bob for apples all day and bob for apples until all the apples had been bobbed. Agent Tallie would make tally marks every day counting ALL the days they didn’t have a mission, which was all 6,728 days that they had been part of the FBI. Agent Record would play music on a record and quite literally talk like a record while Agent Luxury thought about all the luxuries he had at home. Agent Linda was clumsy, but she did office work, like clean the desks, and she had even invented a new useful (not really) tool called the Wacko-Meter (patent pending).

The tool was supposed to be a self protection device so you would know if you had wackos around you, or someone who was trying to kill you, etc. The device did work (how else would it have a patent pending?) but it wasn’t very useful because Agent Linda was surrounded by wackos all day and none of the other agents believed that it worked.

One lucky day, the Back-up Back-up Back-up Back-up Back-up Backup Back-up Back-up Back-up DO NOT CALL IN UNLESS THEY’RE YOUR LAST OPTION team was FINALLY called in for a mission to disable a bomb. The only problem? The tech person, Agent Linda had appendicitis and couldn’t go. So all the wackos had to go on a mission. And OF COURSE it was the only day that the one normal person couldn’t go.

On top of that, Agent Luxury, who only talked about himself, was their new self-appointed leader since Linda was out.

Basically, those agents that needed to be saved were doomed from the start. They took the FBI’s hover car 3000 (patent pending) and flew off to Asia, even though their mission was in the U.S. By the time they figured it out, they were three days in so they had to turn around and fly for another three days to Wilmington, North Carolina.

Once they arrived, they (somehow) found their way into the facility without leaving a fingerprint. Once they got in, Agent Luxury found weapons (made out of gold and bedazzled with diamonds, of course) that they could carry. Then, Agent Record found a radio and brought it along thinking that he could smash it on an enemy’s head (he hated radios). That was as far as they got, because as soon as they reached the kitchen Agent Bobb screamed, “APPLES!!!!!!” and started running towards them except that there were laser detectors everywhere and an enemy team had surrounded them. Agent Luxury managed to shoot his sparkly but deadly weapon and got Agent Tallie out. Agent Record stayed behind because he really wanted to smash the radio on someone’s head and Agent Bobb started throwing apples until both Agents were free and exited the building. As soon as the whole team was in the hover car, the factory blew up behind them and they realized they had forgotten their mission.

The lesson in this story? Don’t recruit wackos if you want them to be secret agents. Or maybe it’s don’t forget your mission. Nonetheless, NEVER do what you just read in this story. It could be dangerous for everyone around you.

—Xachell G.

Serenity J.

is my person I know st ie n n fu e Th me she can make sister Paulina, atching w , g n ti e are ea w en h w h g u la t in the st hanging ou ju r o e vi o m a d. She er let me be sa ev n e Sh l. o o p er when en I bother h h w ad m s et g in her to her friends she’s talking e sh e n o r she’s d room but afte t u o s g and han always comes ith a helps me w lin u with me. Pa the l al ay w y a funn homework in always u Paulina for time. Thank yo happy! making me so —Prince A.

The funniest person I know is my grandma.

I love her so much! She always makes me and my family laugh. In the moment I’m laughing so hard, she’s so funny. She’s funny because she makes me and my family laugh because sometimes she’s funny without even knowing it! At her house she makes me butter crumpets sometimes, she loves them so much she’ll take 5 minutes just to butter it! My grandma says so many jokes and sometimes she’s sarcastic.

I love my grandma!!!

—By Alice D. The person that makes me laugh most is my dad! He pulls really funny pranks on me, and always has a joke to say! I love it when he tells me and my brother stories. For example, once he and his friends put bubbles in the town fountain and the next day the town square was filled with bubbles! Once for Halloween he dressed up as a hot dog! Another time we were playing capture the flag and he hid in the garbage can and had his dad push him to the other side pretending that he was taking the garbage out!

—Celia K.

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

Isaac L.

Because there was a KFC on the other side.

Winter 2020

Miracle I. A funny story happened to me—once I was in a train with my brother and his friends.

We went to a beach that is called Montrose Beach and we went in the water to play with our ball. I skipped the ball too hard and it went flying and got stuck on a tree and we never got it out of there, so we left.

I’m pretty sure that the ball is still there so we never cared anymore so we just left it there since last year in summer. —Aaron D.

My Uncle Johnny is funny because he is silly and fun to play with.

I will never forget the time on spring break when I was 7 and we went to Deer Valley. One day when we were skiing I was going down on a blue trail until my brother Tad came down as fast as he could and made me crash into the snow and it hurt my face. I was mad and laughing at the same time. And then I got up and skied and laughed at the same time down the rest of the hill.

—Beau D.

My mom is probably the funniest person I know.

My mom sits with my brother and does school with him. Earlier today she was singing mandarin songs with him and I thought it was funny! She does lots of silly things. Also, when she does gymnastics with me and we do seal pose, she always makes a weird and funny face. It always makes me laugh!! I think I’m kind of funny, sometimes I make funny faces, but I’m not sure.

—Sydney K. My dogs Millie and Moose are so funny. First, Moose is a slob. He is a slob because I can hear him from across the room chewing, drinking and making a mess. It’s funny because he is 60 pounds and only 7 months old. Second, Millie always wants the attention. Every time Moose is getting attention she will try and bite him.

It is funny because she is only 40 pounds. These dogs crack me up.

—Luke R.

Winter 2020

My cat Creamsicle is one of the funniest cats. He does something silly practically every day. One night me and my dad were talking and my cat ran into the room, turned a bit too far and ran and jumped into a wall. Then he walked into another room and started crying so loud I thought he woke up the neighbors and I thought my laugh did too. He just runs into things all the time and it is so funny.

Another time was when my mom bought a laser pointer for my cats. The first thing Creamsicle noticed was the chain that was attached to it. But then he found out there was a little red dot under him which was the laser on the floor. My mom gave me the laser and I pointed it on the wall. His eyes opened wide and ran straight for the wall, and got into a pounce position.

It was high on the wall and he jumped for it and fell on the ground. He made this weird meow when he fell. Whenever I hear it, it makes me wonder what he is saying and it makes me laugh.

—Steven S.

“Freddie.”

The funniest person I know is my little brother Bryce.

He is genuinely funny and does not force it.

Sometimes he is extremely clueless and does the most funny things. When my newborn brother Ryder, came home from the hospital, Bryce’s first instinct was to take Ryder and start trying to walk with him. During my mom’s 47th birthday he sang “happy birthday to me” and the whole family busted out laughing.

He always lightens up the mood and I am glad to be his brother.

—Kaden L.

This is me being funny and jumping up and down.

Freddie has silly eyes, a snake nose and extra long stilt legs.

—Tarrieon B.

Once I was camping with my cousins and we went hiking.

I fell in the lake so when we got back to the tent I changed then me and my cousins went for a walk. When we saw other kids fishing and they asked if we wanted to fish too. We said yes they gave us fishing poles and then my cousin caught a SNAKE!!! We all ran and the snake went under a rock. Later we went to go flip the rock to see if it was still there. As soon as we lifted the rock it slithered right by where I was standing in the river, and I fell right on the snake and yeah we ran back to the tents.

—Elle R.

Miracle I.

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This picture is about me, Cielo, sending my fake dog away and my mom getting mad at me.

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Knock knock Banana Knock knock Banana Knock knock

Who’s there?

Who’s there?

Who’s there?

Orange Cielo C.

Cuando me Caí Pies Para Arriba

Un dia el 24 de diciembre en mi rancho hay fiesta porque le celebramos a la Virgen de Guadalupe. Hay una fiesta como de 5 días. El último día hay un baile donde muchas personas van. A mi me gusta mucho bailar con mis primas, pero nos da vergüenza. Yo tenía un vestido y hay es un lugar chiquito y había un agujero- cuando yo iba hacia mi mamá había unos niños jugando y corriendo. Iba pasando y por accidente me tumbaron al agujero y me caí pies arriba y toda la gente me miró.

—Sofia F.

My favorite joke is “what do little dogs eat at the movies?

Pupcorn.” That is my favorite joke because little dogs are called puppies. And pup rhymes with pop and they switched it and it was cute and catchy. That is my favorite joke.

—Andrey P.

4

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

Jocelynn B.

ideo EEavter The FuenvidneoiecaslletdV“Los er has to

The YouTub s. In the of my favorite video Gross Food” is one Klask is k. a game called Klas video, players play mate am air hockey. Each te like a mini game of e th ay ods. After they pl brings two gross fo ended bl s to eat all the food game, the loser has s wa e grossest foods together. One of th h. rice baby food pouc coconut curry and ! rd e laugh really ha The show makes m —Conrad R.

Bosco is the funniest dog I’ve ever seen. He makes me laugh ALL THE TIME! Like once when I gave him his favorite treat, instead of rolling over, he did a butt spin! He didn’t like it, but it was hilarious! I laughed so hard I cried! Another time, a long time ago, I didn’t wanna go to my swim class, and so my mom put my dress on Bosco, and I laughed really hard, and I nearly fell over! And there’s even MORE! Sometimes, he likes to sunbathe on our deck, and he looks up at you and squints! It may not sound funny, but it looks funny AND adorable! And I’m not done yet, not even close. Whenever you take a picture of Bosco normally, all you see is a giant nose sticking out, and a tiny body in the background!

Bosco also likes to sit all the way down when you play tug o war with him, and you drag him around the house!

Another time, Bosco rolled around in some blue chalk, and he had blue chalk on his butt for a week! And I’m still not done, yes, he’s THAT funny!

He also likes to knock over his food bowl, and makes a HUGE mess! And sometimes he sleeps UPSIDE DOWN! And since he’s so old, (13 years) when a puppy tries to play with him, he runs away and makes a weird face, which is him bringing his face back and has wide eyes and just wobbles away! I’m still not done yet though... Once, Bosco actually DRAGGED Michelle around the street while she was on her scooter!

And Bosco’s only 28 pounds! And that’s why Bosco is the FUNNIEST dog I’ve EVER met!

—Vidya P.

My story is when I was younger.

When my brother Kyle would always make me laugh. It was when I was a baby. He was juggling grapes and I was laughing and he dropped one on my table and I ate it.

—Nico M.

Winter 2020

My dad made me funny because he always makes me laugh all the time. Also I always laugh because my dad makes funny faces to me and I always laugh.

Brian M.

I am gonna tell a joke: knock knock who’s there? a cow moooo.

How does a cat talk with a cat?

Meeeow.

Why does a dolphin not talk with a dolphin?

Because they can not talk.

How does a bug talk with a bug?

Bzzzz.

My dad is always making me laugh at night.

—Lizbeth V. Hello, my name is Michelle! I have a bunch of funny friends and I will tell you about one of them for now! My friend’s name is Malia. She loves drawing funny comics that always make me laugh.

Plus she’s a great artist. Malia’s comics are mostly about potatoes! Potatoes are her favorite food. She even put a character that was me in one of her comics! Malia is a character that is a potato named Nah. While I am a cat named Meh! I really like her comics, they are so detailed and funny. She is a very good friend. That’s all about Malia.

I hope you enjoyed it!

—Michelle A.

e makes at I know sh never th n o rs e p st v and whe the funnie does impro lly hard. She’s e My sister is h S . e m ti rea all the s me laugh e me laugh k a er and m e sh ows She is clev s she does sh very funny T V show. . She quote ga ake a joke m to y r e sa also writin p le su es and it’s other peop s in her jok uses what o the spot e n id o v s r e o k ows, with jo p u g in movies, sh m co r. She is ’s great at sing it late u d n a e k funny. She jo I know. inking of a and also th funniest person that the definitely .

M n —Owe

The funniest person I know is my brother, Shaurya. He has a great sense of humor, and he can usually make me laugh.

Shaurya is smart, so he often turns my words against me.

He also does silly things all the time that make me laugh!

For example, one time in the bus we had just sat down.

The moment the bus started, my brother started singing, “The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town.” I was laughing so hard, that people all around us started laughing too. Another time I wanted him to sit in his chair, so I told him to grab a chair.

I meant for him to sit on the chair, but he grabbed the chair and started playing with it. Based on that, I know that whenever I am around Shaurya, I will be in a good mood because he will always make me laugh!

—Riddhika G.

The funniest person I know is my brother, Carter.

Carter is so goofy an d clumsy, he can alw ays make me laugh. One time out of nowhere he we nt on the ground in my room and said “I’m a fish. Blu b blub blub” and pretended to be swimming on my floor. His mouth even opened and closed like a fish!

Sometimes he forgets easy thing s to remember, like wh en we go to our pod my mom and dad remind him 3 times to get his water bottle but sometimes he sti ll forgets it!

One time he tripped on his foot and blam ed it on the Earth for spinning! I love my brother even though he can be annoying and he can be a big klutz.

—Haylin L.

So there was a girl watching her phone not watching where she was going and there was ice cubes then she slipped on the ice cubes and her phone broke.

So one Summer I went to Arizona to visit my dad. I was six. I was there with my brother, my mom, my dad, my dad’s friend Scott, my BFF Cole, and Cole’s mom. We went to the river on Scott’s boat and we brought his dog Sweetpea with us. So Sweetpea kept jumping out of the boat trying to swim to shore and everyone kept pulling her back onto the boat. So after a while she pooped in the boat because she couldn’t hold it!

We had no idea why she kept jumping out to swim to shore but now we knew. And everyone rushed to the back of the boat expecting the dog to clean up her mess. It was so hilarious! Eventually Scott cleaned it up. But it was so funny how she wanted to swim to shore to do her business but everyone kept pulling her back onto the boat not knowing what was going on. Well now at least we know for next time!

—Katy B.

the lady

Ariyonna F.

6

the cubes

her phone

Winter 2020

What does a baby unicorn call his father? popcorn Knock knock who’s there?

Cash.

Cash who?

No thanks I prefer peanuts!

Knock knock. who’s there? the interrupting cow the interrupting cow moooooooooooooooo

If bread is put in a toaster, it says, ‘’Oh no, I’m toast,’’ and if it’s burned you say, ‘’Boy you just got roasted.’’

What did the guy say to the turkey?

You’re a little chicken.

—Andrew O.

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

Because every play has a cast.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.

Why did the bicycle collapse?

Because it was too tired.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop!

What did the buffalo say when his son left to college?

He said, “bison.”

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of socks?

Just in case they got a hole in one.

—Gabriel R.

What is fast ,crunchy, and loud?

A rocket chip.

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

Between us something smells.

What do you get from passing a vampire and a snowman?

A frostbite.

—Eduardo R.

The funniest person in my life is my sister.

I will give you some examples. Once I was in my room and she was in her room and instead of getting out of bed because she was on her computer instead she texted me because she was so sucked in to her computer. Also one time instead of wearing her practice shorts to travel soccer she wore mine and looked really weird that is why I choose my sister for this project —Oliver P.

The funniest show I know is called Brooklyn Nine-Nine. This is a comedy cop show. The main character’s name is Jake Peralta. This show is so funny to me because they tell really funny jokes.

They are always putting themselves and other people in silly situations.

Jake’s sidekick is named Charles.

Charles is very funny. Also he would literally die for Jake.

—Max O.

My favorite riddle is actually one I crea ted. Yesterday I had my first session with my tutor and I’m going to learn creative writing. As my first assignm ent/homework she wanted me to do a detailed what am I, she’s really nice and is funny. It was really fun to find something to write about, I did my mini stapler.

My mom helped me start. “I am peti te and I can fit in the palm of your hand .” I even used the vocab word “As small as I may be, I can penetrate.” Glad I remembered.

These are my two favorite sentences: “Sometimes I am hungry, so I must be fed. Although I do not eat table food.” A stapler sometimes runs out of staples so you must put some in.

I’m excited to see if she can guess wha t it is. I did not make it easy, so I don’t think she’ll gue ss it.

—Madi I.

What Makes Me Laugh What makes me laugh is when my baby cousin chases me around the house. me

My favorite joke is, “What does a cow do on Saturday ni ght?” The answer is, “They go to the moo-vies.” My brother does not believe me, but I made that joke up 2 years ago. I have told this joke to a lot of people and they always laugh.

It will always be my favorite joke!

—Ariya M.

Baby Cousin Winter 2020

Pharris T.

7

I took the garbage out and I slipped on a banana.

The Funny Life A funny/fake story

By Stephanie L.

With my brother One day we were at the house, he said he was going to tell me a joke and the joke was, “is your refrigerator running” yes “then you better go catch it!’’ We started to laugh then we were tired I went to sleep and he pranked me. He put cream in my hand and he tickled me in my face with something and then I scratched my face then my face was full of cream.

Aaron J.

One time in preschool, my mom was at work so my dad had to dress me. When my mom came to pick me up she realized that all I was wearing were tights and a shirt.

My mom was so confused, so she asked my dad why he sent me in tights he said he didn’t know what the difference was between leggings and tights.

—Jayleigh J.

Prank time Before my brother pranked me he told me a joke the joke was “is your refrigerator running” me: yes “then you better go ketchup to it” we laughed then I took a shower and I came out of the shower and then I looked in the mirror and my hair was blue. My brother told me before I went in the shower he put blue hair dye in my shampoo and it was going to stay for a week.

—Kai G.

This is an English muffin because the muffin is English.

I think it’s funny.

—Jo D.

8

I have a very funny friend Polina from second grade. She always says something funny, even some funny words that don’t exist. She sometimes even says some expressions that even her mom is surprised about. When me and my sister are playing with her she invents some strange and funny names and always laughs. She is very creative and her favorite word is passion fruit which is so funny so this became her nickname also she invented words like “ullalandra” and many other funny things and words. She always makes me and my sister laugh. We think that she is the funniest person in the world!!

—Elina B.

My Revenge The next day it was my chance to prank him and get my revenge on him. I did not know any pranks but then I got an idea: I was going to get an old fake phone that looked just like his phone and I was going to hide his phone in my pocket and when he tried to find it I would have the fake one and throw it. He was trying to find his phone, he came to me and I threw the phone, but then I showed him his real phone.

Part 2 of my revenge After I had more ideas of how to prank him the first one was to get a fake spider and rat and put it outside and the other prank was to get a fake phone and throw the phone into the pool. First, I put the fake rat and spider outside where he always sits. And when he came outside he saw the spider and rat he got on top of a chair and then I told him it was a prank.

Last part of my revenge After I told him it was a prank, he said where is my phone and I told him I have it and I threw it into the pool. He went in to get it and he was wet and I told him it was a prank that I have his real phone and he was mad. And he told my mom but my mom laughed and she was not mad at me.

Winter 2020

A Collection Of Stories

My brother Luke has these two enormous bunnies whose

names are Bonó and Pontíki. Yes Pontíki means mouse in Greek so technically speaking Luke has a bunny named mouse. Wondering how this bunny got her name, in our apartment building we have a neighbor, we call her Miss K. She is one of the first people that met me when I came back from the hospital. She is Greek and taught us how to say mouse so when Luke’s bunny arrived in the mail, Luke was like her name is Pontíki, the first person that Pontíki met was indeed Miss K, and she was like aww she is so soft and now whenever we see her she also gets to see Pontíki.

Bonó on the other hand came about 6 months before Pontíki.

Luke couldn’t figure out for the life of him what he wanted to name him, so for a while Luke just called him bunny, then one day Luke was like bonny is so cute, yes I spelled that just how he said it. That then turned into Bonó.

The bunnies now are all important and are super funny, here is one of the best things that Luke makes them do. So Bonó drives his remote control car (remember these are stuffed animals) and drives it down the street and he is collecting wheat for him to eat somehow. Then Luke starts going ahh bunny watch out (they are sitting on the couch and Luke is helping bunny “drive”) and then Luke is like nooooo and apparently bunny crashed into a building and turned around and is now about to crash into another one. Our mom is on a work call right now and is trying to figure out what in the world is going on without turning away from the camera. This was so funny.

Pontíki on the other hand likes to do parkour off the walls and do flips so Pontíki was doing whatever Luke makes her do and she flew over and knocks over our mom’s water bottle over right onto her computer, then Luke runs over and is like oooo Pontíki is wet now and he doesn’t care at all that someone’s computer is probably broken. (Luckily her computer was okay.)

—Madeleine B.

Why was 6 afra id of

7?

‘Cause 7, 8, 9

—Brayden S.

My favorite funny movie is Instant Family. It’s about a family who adopts three kids, Lizzy, a sassy teen Jaun, an over-sensitive boy and Lita little girl who always wants chips. After they adopt the three they realize that they are a pain to deal with. Skipping a bit in the movie once they start to have a good relationship with the three kids, they ask the foster parents to meet their biological mother (who was in jail) after their first visit and the kids become crazy again. And they’re crazier each visit. BAD news comes: the mom can get the custody of the kids again if she wins in court. The biological mom gets the custody but when the kids were supposed to go back to their biological mother’s house she didn’t show up and she started doing drugs again. The oldest Lizzy is really upset (as she is the only one who lived with her biological mother for longer than a year). But the foster parents convinced Lizzy to come back and she realizes they cared about her and she came back. They have to go back to court one more time to verify if they want to stay and they all say yes.

Overall the movie was really good and I didn’t even mention half of what happens you should watch it.

—Chan Yu K.

I have a big sister her name is Taniya. I love my sister.

My sister always play with me and she help me get online and she smile at me she play Uno with me.

—Joselle

My cousin, Kosta, is one of the funniest people I know. When he comes to our grandparents’ house with us, he will make jokes and make us laugh when we are in bad moods. On Christmas of 2019, he said “Ho, ho, ho!” and all of us (all of my cousins) chased him into a corner of the living room, asking for presents, and he yelled so much it made us all laugh so hard. Another time, on the 2020 Easter, he pretended to be the Easter Bunny. We all laugh so hard. He is also a nice guy. He helps us when we need help in our crazy Minecraft world, and rides his bike with us. I will be in a good mood most of the time when he is around.

—Evan B.

cream?? ’s favorite flavor of ice What’s a chimpanzee that make es jok e m These are so p! im ch te ola oc ch Mint u open the you knock before yo ld ou sh hy W . gh lau me g! Why is see the salad dressin t igh m u Yo r? ato er refrig e runs away from sketball? Because sh ba at d ba la rel de Cin usic? Pop! What’s on’s least favorite m llo ba a is t ha W ll! ba the ? The space bar! key on the keyboard ite or fav ’s ut na tro as an pe you like them. y favorite jokes. I ho m of e m so are e os Th —Zoey P.

These are the bunnies Winter 2020

One time I was riding my bike in Mexico and I fell and my brother ran my head over with his bike. This is funny because when I got up after he ran me over, he then he hit me in the head with his brakes.

—Alexander M.

9

The top 5 jokes

that have everybody cracking like glass 1. A jumper cable goes in a restaurant, the waiter comes and says, “I’ll serve ya but you better not start anything.”

2. A skeleton walks into a music shop, the store owner says, “Hey, wanna tromBONE?” 3. A boy is trying to get a bird. The shopkeeper says, “What are you going to name it?” “Ari,” said the boy.

“Why?” The shopkeeper says. “Because we live in ARIzona.”

4. Two muffins are sitting in a oven, one says, “Man it’s hot in here” the other muffin says, “Yeah you live in Arizona what did you expect?”

5. How does a squid go into battle? He goes in well ARMED. —Isaiah R. Serenity C.

The Haunted House

By Ja’Mari F.

One Saturday afternoon, me and my aunt, and my cousin, and my brother went to the haunted house. When we got there, I was shaking. I had butterflies in my stomach. Then, we walked into it.

It was dark.

The first monster said, “ROAR!” I said in my head, “That’s not scary.”

The next monster was laughing while he was sneaking. He laughed like, “Hee hee hee hee!”

I screamed, “AHHH!” I was running, and I pulled my hat down over my eyes. That’s when I ran into an invisible door.

I thought that something was going to grab me, so I ran back out the invisible door. Then, I stopped running and pulled the hat from over my eyes. That’s when I saw a monster in the window, and felt something touching my arm. I hit my arm very hard.

I ran forward until I saw light, but I had to go through another creepy creepy monster. When I saw it, I screamed, “AHHH!” because I thought it was going to jump through the cage and get me.

My heart was beating very fast. Finally, I saw light.

I escaped the haunted house.

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She is mad because she fell in some mud.

—Jaylin M.

One day I was at my house while my mom was asleep. My sister and I were playing around, and while we were playing I threw a fit. My doll flew out of my hand. I wasn’t tall enough to get it so I asked my sister. She was being mean about it so I said, “Please.”

Then she rolled her eyes and said, “Fine!”

When she was trying to grab the doll, she grabbed scissors instead. We both looked at each other. I was confused at first. Then when she looked in the mirror and started to cut her hair I was shocked! When I saw another pair of scissors, I grabbed them and started to cut my hair because I wanted to do what she was doing. Little did I know.

I would regret it. I didn’t know how I was cutting my hair. All I knew was I was freestyling it. As soon as I saw it I hated it so much I cut bangs even though I already had bangs. I just kept cutting my bangs.

When my mom found out she laughed so hard, but I was crying. I didn’t know what to do. When I went to school I made up a lie so nobody would be rude to me. I told them my mom did it, but they were all still laughing at me. Now it’s been five years and I even laugh at it.

—Olivia C.

My Dad’s friend once told me a joke about going through immigration. He said, so somebody who is trying to cross the border has to use three words in a sentence in order to come into the United States.

The people from immigration told him that he had to use the words pink, yellow, and green in a sentence. The guy said, “When the phone goes green green, I pink it up, and say yellow.” I think this is funny because he’s using different words to mean something different,and it does sound as if you’re saying the correct thing but you’re not. Another reason why I think it is funny is because the person who told me is a real comedian!

—Charlie C.

Winter 2020

The Clumsy Day

So my dad fell down the attic stairs and slipped over my car.

I, my dad and my sis are crying laughing.

Sincere G.

The funniest person I know is my sister Elise. She is funny because she has funny stories. One time she told a story where this girl broke a computer by spilling coffee on it and it was very funny. Elise is also funny because she is very dramatic when she plays. For example one time we were playing a game where we were breaking the elevator door and she was screaming. I was laughing because of the way she was screaming. She also hates bugs and acts crazy around them. She once thought that a fly was a bee and she jumped in a pool to escape it and thought she was drowning. Then she was crying and then she started to laugh and I did too.

Elise will probably make up more funny stories —Audrey M.

My brother is the funniest.

My bother is the funniest person I know. He tells the best jokes. He will come up with the crazy jokes it cracks me up.

Kimia L.

Winter 2020

BOOM!!! I fell down and hurt myself. It was the day I was clumsy. Also my brother was too but I’m going to tell you how clumsy I was. Have you ever wondered being in a life like mine well it sucks.

Most of the time usually when I’m with my dad yeah it hurts but my mom no my life was AWESOME! Probably it was because she babied me a lot but I still love you dad.

One day I went to Six Flags Great America with basically my whole entire family. It was fun. So my shoe laces were untied and when I was younger I just hated tying my shoes so much I would ask my mom to buy me the shoes with the straps but no she would never. Well you know how I said that I like my mom better than my dad well she can be a little cranky a lot of times. It’s those times where you go to the store with your parents especially your mom don’t forget and you see something you like and mom says the magic word n-o no and then you start crying. I would too but back to the shoe store when I asked my mom can I get the strapped Puma shoes guess what she said she said yes for the first time that was beautiful but then I lost them and then she told me she would never buy me anything anymore ever again.

So back to Six Flags I tied my shoe and we started walking to this ride called the Wizard. The Wizard was my favorite ride of all. Forgot to mention it was like 8:00 in the night time and it was Fright Fest. So I saw one of the monsters run up to me and 1) I peed on myself and 2) I tripped and fell and threw my brother down. While I was getting up I tripped again but on my shoelace. So then my mom thought I sprained my ankle and put me into a wheel chair. The End —Elizabeth C.

The funniest person is my brother and even though he is only 2 years old. He is really funny and whenever I am with him I know I am going to laugh. For example I was telling a joke then Javier came in and he heard everybody laugh so he started laughing. He is really funny and when he was 1 year old he would crawl on my dad and sit on his face. We felt bad but it was funny in the moment and still funny up to today. Javier is clever so I know he will twist words around and when he is trying to say something he will mix up all of the words and we will all laugh!!!

Thanks for reading!

—Alexa I.

I will never forget the time I got chased by a wild sea turtle in Hawaii. I went to Hawaii for summer vacation when I was 9 years old. One day we went to a beach called Turtle Beach when I was swimming I bumped into a guy and then he pointed in the water then I looked where he pointed and saw a turtle! Then I started swimming away to tell my parents but then I looked back and saw the turtle swimming after me so I swam as fast as I could to my parents.

—Tad D.

Playing my video games and reading make me happy.

I like how the games are made. Also I like the game Fortnite.

I like to read messages from my friends.

Storyline online helps me relax.

—Ian W.

banana logo

xbox banana chair

PC

desk

MY GAME SETUP

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2020 Memes Today’s newspaper is about memes...

Mexican memes. The first ever meme was a computer-animated baby. Baby Cha-Cha-Cha, also known as Dancing Baby, was the first meme to go viral on the internet. The meme was created in 1996 to showcase the amazing abilities of the new CGI software by Kinetix Character.

Now let’s start with the memes.

This one doesn’t need an explanation, this is an everyday struggle for a Mexican kid.

I have been told this many times by my mom and that would always make me angry, but you never want to argue with your mom.

NEVER.

This is so true.

My aunts do this and say, “PAL FEISBUK MIJA!”

So when our moms are cooking chile we are always coughing and our eyes get watery.

One day I was going to the park but I forgot something in the car. I came back. I went to see something because I heard something that the park is closed due to monkeys in the park but I didn’t believe until when I went to the park I saw monkeys in the park! I don’t know why but most of them were sitting everywhere eating bananas and then I said to myself (why are there monkeys in the park I thought they were supposed to be in the zoo and am I crazy or what) so what I did is tell them to go but they said “no” so I called the zookeeper and one of them came to the park with a yellow bus so I called the monkeys to see the bus but they still said ”no no NO!” so for one minute I was about to give up but I know monkeys love bananas so I got bananas and took them to the bus and that was it the monkeys went back to the zoo and someone ask me “how did you get the monkeys to go” and I said well it was bananas doing it so when I went back home I went to the news and in the news THE MONKEYS WERE THERE I said ”well today was bananas.” —Ana N.

My sister is funny because she tell jokes that are funny so she can make me laugh and our mom laugh.

Lylah C.

The funniest book I’ve read is the “Diary of Wimpy Kid” series. It’s about these two brothers, the younger one named Greg Heffaly and the older one Rodrick Heffaly that hate each other on the outside but deep inside they love each other, it has funny jokes and a lot of interesting mini stories.

They had a funny time together when Greg was in the hot tub and then Rodrick put Cheetos in the hot tub. And Rodrick said oompa loompa that made me laugh a lot. So whenever I want to get into it I watch one of the Diary of A Wimpy Kid movies. I know it will always make me laugh!

—Sebastian S.

My dad made me laugh and he is funny with jokes.

Iriz L.

One time, I was playing football with some of my friends and I was running after the ball. When I got the ball and I punted it really hard, one of my shoes went with it high in the sky. My shoe eventually landed in a garbage can nearby and all my friends started laughing hysterically. I went home in one shoe :) —Codrin A. Azaria H.

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Winter 2020

My mom is funny. Sometimes she tells funny jokes. My big ma is funny. Sometimes she tells jokes. My sisters are funny. Sometimes they tell jokes. My five brothers are funny. Sometimes they tell jokes. My dad is funny.

He tells jokes sometimes.

Nyesha

My first burger at Portillos

One time my mom and I went to Portillos and I ordered a burger and it was sooooo good. I couldn’t describe how good it was. It just had this yummy, delicious, INCREDIBLE taste! The cheese and the steak on it was sooooooooooo delicious! And the bread was nice too. And how it looked was just UNBELIEVABLE! —Gabriela M.

Lily (my cat) is the silliest cat ever. One time she was chasing her tail for a whole five minutes! She finally caught it and bit her own tail!

Suddenly she stopped running realizing she just bit herself and then she automatically fell asleep. One time she was running so fast she tried to stop herself but ended up slamming into the door! (she was perfectly fine) She also likes to eat my dog’s food for some reason and drink his water! Then my dog gets really mad and she runs away. She also is absolutely terrified of small children. She will hide inside my closet deep inside so no one can see her. Then as soon as they leave she comes right out of the closet and acts crazy because the whole time she was sleeping!! So then she starts running around the whole house like a crazy person!! I love Lily but she is one crazy cat!

—Emily M.

The funniest person I know is my brother Gabriel. When I’m sad he can always make me laugh. Once I was having a bad day at school he started making random and funny noises out of nowhere. He can make anyone happy just by smiling. He plays video games all the time and when he rages it’s so funny because he screams out of nowhere. He loves football. We go outside every day just to play football and play with my dog Harley. If you are sad or mad just find my brother!

—Sophie A.

Winter 2020

The funniest experience of my life was when my family tried the Hot Ones Challenge. The Hot Ones Challenge is when you have chicken wings with different spicy sauces and eat them while answering questions.

Our mouths were all on fire and it was terrible to answer the questions because our mouth was not working right.

Our eyes were gushing water and our mouths were red and fiery. The sauce was super spicy and at the end I needed to chug 3 gallons of water out of my bathroom sink. My mom would not do it because she does not eat chicken wings so she video taped it.

—Ethan S.

This is a story about how my uncle’s dog, named Truman, ruined my chance of getting a dog. This past summer I went to Colorado to see family and get out of the city. For my whole life I have wanted a dog, so when we got to Colorado I tried to use my uncle’s dog to show my dad how getting a dog would make my family more fun. This backfired badly! My uncle has a golden doodle that is still a puppy, and he’s so cute! On the other hand, my dad, who does not care about dogs, thought Truman was annoying, but I thought there was still hope! One day, me and my family went fishing and we brought Truman. All was going well and as my family and I were fishing, and Truman was on a hike with my aunt. When Truman and my aunt got back from the hike Truman jumped in the dirty and muddy water and started to roll around and play. Then, Truman got out and went right next to my dad and started to shake the water off, spattering my dad with mud. Once he was done, Truman jumped on my dad! I started to laugh as my dad was trying to get Truman off. After I was done laughing, I realized that I would not be able to convince my dad to get a dog. His expression changed but he didn’t burst out into anger he held it inside. After that day I still tried to convince him to get a dog, but Truman kept on messing my chances up by annoying my dad with his behavior. I did not get mad at Truman because he is cute and I still want a dog. Even when I returned home, I still couldn’t get my dad to say yes to get a dog. I’m still asking even to this day, but I don’t think I will be getting one anytime soon.

—Maximus C.

Nobody in the world: Teacher on a test: “The test is so easy”

Alondra M.

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