UNLEASH YOUR FEMININE POWER

Eva Gross

Why is it, in spite of impressive accomplishments and a wealth of experience and intelligence, that so many women lack a voice? How, in all of our progress, do we still find ourselves under the sway of oppression both personally and societally?

I watched my mother and most of the women in my family yearn for self-expression, creativity, partnership, and purpose. Nevertheless, I saw so much struggle. They had the power to marry powerful men, raise families who were admired, and have children who pursued the top of their industries, but their personal voice was eerily missing.

As a daughter who loved my mother deeply and still finds my heart with her every day, I could see her reach for connection with my father and seek purpose in aspects of her life yet never grasp those goals. It was not her fault. She was reaching much higher than the toxicity of our family life would allow. The power struggles of our home weighed my mother down, and as she lifted her family, her own sense of self was weighed down even more.

I now look back on my youth and see power-plays where nurturing from my father should have been. I see anger where gentle support would have propelled the entire family into a healthy relationship with success. I now see the urgent need for boundaries and requiring that boundaries be respected. Without this, there is no sense of safety in the one space it is required for growth.

What I later learned in my development and in my work with several young women was that my family dynamic was coming from a place of warped masculine energy and missing feminine power. Well into my adulthood, I found ways to develop the tools to awaken my power my feminine power to engage with healthy masculine energy in a way that enriches my personal and professional relationships.

Successful movement away from toxicity and into our full potential requires tapping the vast feminine power that lives inside every woman. This power brings our best life and exudes our highest selves. It is here we find our voice, speak with our power, and create impact in our world.

When you unlock your power, you tap into your own vibrant energy, disrupt your generational pattern, connect into deeper truth, and start living your higher purpose. Most importantly, you begin to show up in ways that empower your family, partner, and children so that they can also begin to flourish and thrive.

Born in Cameroon, the oldest daughter of prominent government officials, I had the privilege of spending much of my childhood in Europe. My grandfather was the president’s bodyguard, and my father was an officer in the army. Our family was a symbol of strength and safety. Our home was opulent, and I’m certain it held us all back, unsure if we could forge through life on our own. It was equally confusing to see people hold doors for my father, thank him, and beam at us since the man we saw was manipulative and cruel. From many angles, my life was perfect, yet behind closed doors, my father’s drinking and emotional distance took their toll on me. Even in my early youth, I sensed a desire to break the cycle of abuse in my family. Seeing my mother’s anxiety and feeling a deep sense of powerlessness from her and within myself pushed me to find a different way to live. Her fierce protection of me and my siblings helped me.

After immigrating to the United States, I attended Ivy League schools and married well to raise my own family. I gained a sense of curiosity and self-awareness regarding the impact of feminine power in Western society. This added to my desire to live a different life.

However, with all the desire to lead my life with freedom and strength, I found myself married into the same abuse and fear. When the tools of feminine power and the healthy avenues of being a family with balanced feminine and masculine energy are not handed down to us by our family, the challenge to find what you’ve never witnessed can feel impossible. It can feel nonexistent.

Much like my youth, in my marriage, the exterior world saw a family that seemed so safe, so strong, and so respected, and just like in my childhood, once the doors closed, I couldn’t know what each moment held. Some nights could be calm, happy, and intimate, but too many moments suddenly turned to outbursts. I couldn’t prepare myself for either because there was no rhyme or reason to which face of my husband I would see moment to moment. That fear of not knowing the next ten seconds fed my anxiety until I embodied my own mother’s anxiety and found myself being untrue to my inner wisdom, even with my own child.

Even in my darkest moment, my feminine energy was pushing to reveal itself. I was meeting enough women in my life to start visualizing positive feminine energy in me. Feminine power is not only a well of strength within each one of us, it is like a tapestry spreading over the globe connecting all of us. So, while my home life was gradually reflecting my childhood and trapping me in a cycle of fear, the tapestry was there, waiting for me to connect and tap into it.

I wasn’t living according to my values. I became deeply disconnected from my feminine energy. My loneliness and fear clouded my judgment more each day until the day I made a mistake: a mistake so large it was criminal. Surprisingly, I got a gift from that. In needing to strengthen my case, a therapist was suggested.

At first, I was reticent since I was raised to not believe in therapy. When she suggested I suffered from depression, I rejected it. “To be honest,” I told her, “I just want to help my case.” As therapists do, she patiently waited a few sessions until I saw what she saw. In that moment of seeing my life truly as it was and its hold on my ability to find joy, I admitted I was in a bad place, and I wanted to learn the tools to heal. In that moment, I realized I had a problem, and I wanted to change.

I thought about my children and how I wanted to be there for them, but I also felt so alone. There was nobody to share my thoughts with. My partner was not supportive, and my mother had too much anxiety to deal with mine. I was completely in my head and isolated, but in that darkness, I could hear a voice say, “I’m here for you.” Until I could find that voice, I trusted this voice was with me, and until I could see that she was my inner power, I went on a journey of healing and empowerment, thinking only of my love for my children. Much like my mother, who even in the darkest moments fiercely tried to protect my siblings and me, I created shields around my child until I could be a true mother, protector, and support.

It is a painful moment in our journey to feel the oppression of a toxic relationship but want to stay for the sake of a child, not knowing if leaving would make life better. Every quiet day, every happy moment, makes us wonder if we are overreacting or somehow to blame for the last blowup or the most recent manipulation. The conflicting emotions plagued me, but I did take a leap of faith and left.

My story may start in West Africa, but the heart of this story is universal. So many of us are born with our power and our voice fully developed and ready to receive and provide in the world, but an obstacle like the cycle of abuse or the pressure of assimilation can push our power to collapse inside of our souls. Our journey to find our voice and power is strengthened with every woman who connects to her inner wisdom.

If you are in a toxic relationship at home or at work and unable to hear your inner wisdom, new tools are necessary at this new beginning.

Leave Toxic Environments and Find Safe Space

Our home needs to be a space where we can feel nurtured, a place where we heal from the day, but often, we are stuck in a dangerous home, terrified more of the unknown outside. This is the hardest part of breaking free from cycles of abuse: leaving. It is hard to leave perceived safety even though we know the façade is a lie. Staying endorses the cycle of abuse, and nothing is worth enduring the way a toxic family life steals your comfort.

While you create a safe home life, find a support group, ideally with other women. My first strong ally in my growth was my therapist, but therapy is one of many options for support. Many women turn to support groups, churches, or other community spaces.

Find Your Value

When I broke free from the cycle of abuse, I had to recreate my definition of love. The most important part of this redefinition was to see love as a force that included me. Finding value in myself was truly making space for myself.

Take heart. We were born knowing our value and knowing the value of those around us. When I was seven, I remember very clearly one of the many times my father came home drunk. Mother was screaming. Even though I was scared, I couldn’t bear seeing my mother suffer, so I stood up to him. I said with my hands clenched, “You are not my father! A father would not treat my mother that way.” I knew my mother’s worth. I knew my worth, and even though I lost that power somewhere along the way, it was still inside of me waiting patiently for me to return.

Find Your Voice and Assert Your Feminine Power

That voice I heard at my lowest point is now my constant companion. I listen to her when I meditate, when I work, and when I am parenting. Finding our voice and listening to her is not just for times of trouble. It is for every moment of our day. I hear that voice strongest when I look at my children. Especially in those early, formative years, the wisdom that comes so easily out of their mouths has often left me stunned. One of many gifts we receive is to see our own children connected to their inner power so purely that they lift us up.

You can also embrace your power more effectively in stillness. For many, that stillness is in meditation or prayer. I cultivate my divine feminine power by silently walking in nature. When you’re in your quiet moments, listen carefully. Do not listen to your worrying brain but the quiet wisdom inside of you instead.

Feminine energy is truly powerful. It is not weaker or stronger than masculine energy. It is complete and whole within us. You do not need to find it or cultivate it. You simply need to unleash it, and the only requirement is to hear your voice and allow it speak your truth.

Document Your Journey

Write down as much as you can. You will refer to it. Record your dreams when you wake up. Write in your gratitude journal daily, and record your growth. Journal in different places. Find what you connect with when you watch the sunrise or while in nature as opposed to journaling at home.

Share Your Gift

Remember that feminine power is a tapestry connecting all women with our life force. By connecting to our power in healthy ways, we not only heal ourselves, but we also heal other women: our daughters, our mothers, family, friends, and everyone we meet.

Share your gift of power and peace as I now do with you.