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BOUNDARIES AND PASTORAL HEALTH
John Bradosky
I offer this article from my personal experience in lessons learned in my own ministry and from my involvement in walking with other pastors when the forces of chaos have taken a toll on their lives and ministry. It is my prayer that it might also be helpful to you. In my current position serving the NALC, I have been assigned the role of helping both congregations and pastors in the midst of conflict. It is my sincere belief that a number of these situations could be readily resolved or avoided all together if healthy boundaries were in place. It is never too late to implement those boundaries as life and health are found within those parameters.
God Instituted Boundaries
From the very beginning, God created boundaries that brought order out of chaos. He separated the light from the darkness, the land from the sea, the day from the night (Genesis 1). He set boundaries for the Garden of Eden and boundaries for Adam and Eve. It didn’t take long for the first humans to transgress those boundaries and suffer the consequences of their disobedience through the chaos that followed. Scripture upholds the use of property boundaries as well as boundaries for nations, cities, farms and for the promised land. It cautions us to honor those boundaries and not to remove them.
God laid out His boundaries in the Old Testament when He took a people, made them distinct and then helped them understand who He was, how to relate to Him, and how to have healthy relationships with one another.
God gave us the Ten Commandments not so that He could control us or punish us, but so that we could better know Him and experience His protection. “Think of God’s boundaries like guardrails that go around a winding road and provide us with direction and protection. This protection is so we can have the very best relationships. Behind the boundaries of the Ten Commandments is a God who wants us to experience more abundant living. He longs for us to have the kind of relationship with Him and with one another that is deeper and better than we could ever dream! His commandments are words of love that are life-giving.1
Ever since Adam and Eve crossed that first forbidden boundary, each and every person is now born with an ancestral sin: the propensity to break moral boundaries (Romans 5:12-19). This “original sin” makes every person’s heart deceitful above all things and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). Scripture uses the word “trespass” (Matthew 6:14; Ephesians 2:1) to depict the nature of our sin. We know what it is to trespass on someone’s property and violate the legal and physical boundaries which are in place. Sin is crossing a divine moral boundary, trespassing or violating our relationship with God and one another.
The Removal of Societal Boundaries
Consider the chaos that has been unleashed in our culture when it has tried to erase every possible boundary that exists for the sake of our emotional “freedom,” causing us to become increasingly enslaved to ourselves. We have replaced the worship of God with the worship of self. Without respect for the sanctity of life, murder and violence abound. Without boundaries for sexuality, sex and all matter of perversity focus on pleasing one’s self. Boundaries of honesty and integrity in business and government are broken, producing countless scams that prey on our neighbors. Joseph Mattera writes, “The intent behind our God-given ability as “co-creators” to subdue the earth and have dominion over it was to create a God-aligned world (Gen. 1:28). Instead, our designs, inventions and creations have become increasingly antithetical to God’s original creative purpose and plan because we continue to cross ancient divine boundaries.”2
Apart from an in-depth analysis of our culture, we need not look farther than our own children or grandchildren to examine human attempts to deal with boundaries. Parents experience this with their children at an early age, the same propensity to test boundaries and transgress them hoping to avoid any consequences. This is part of our fallen nature. The parent will tell his/her child not to go past the sidewalk because the street is dangerous. The child is told, “There are cars that can hurt you, you are small and they can’t see you.” And yet the child walks down the driveway, stands on the curb, turns to see if Mom and Dad are watching and then with a devilish grin on his face puts one foot in the street. The parent runs toward him as a car approaches without any thought for his/her safety, while the child stands defiant with both feet on the street. No matter how many times you say, “no, no” and explain the reasons for this boundary, it isn’t long before you find that same child right back at the edge of the street looking to see if Mom and Dad are watching. Every parent knows that children need boundaries to be kept safe and it gives a child a great sense of security to know someone is watching... holding them accountable.
Jesus Set Boundaries for Himself and for His Disciples
We see in the life of Jesus a Lord who set boundaries for himself and his disciples. Jesus accepted his own personal limits. Jesus took the time needed to sleep and eat. He took time to relax. He spent time walking and seeking the company of friends. He withdrew from the crowds to spend time alone or with a small group of friends, enjoying those moments that strengthened the relationships with both His Father and His followers.
Shortly after his baptism, he resisted the devil’s temptation to break God’s boundaries. Jesus rejected the devil’s suggestions that He turn stones into bread, that he should accept power from Satan (as if it was his to give), or that he should throw himself down from the pinnacle of the temple, tempting God to protect Him. In another memorable passage, Jesus slipped through a crowd intent upon throwing him off a cliff. In many other situations, Jesus had to handle questions from people who were trying to bait him into conflict. He dealt with cynicism and manipulation, always speaking the truth in love. He treated people equally: from the most powerful to those who were powerless, from the most religious to those who were unbelieving, from the wealthiest to the profoundly impoverished. He offered to each grace and truth according to his/her need. Jesus taught his disciples how to create important boundaries in their lives: how to take time for prayer, how to be honest and direct, how to set priorities, how to please God not people, and how to be obedient to God above all.3
Setting your Own Pastoral Boundaries
Pastors will either set healthy boundaries for themselves or others will set boundaries for them. We briefly described what is happening in our culture as boundaries are systematically removed but let me also briefly describe the “clergy culture” resulting from a failure to establish healthy boundaries. A study by the Clergy Health Initiative at Duke Divinity School found that the depression and anxiety rates among clergy are twice that of the population average. The number of clergy members experiencing both anxiety and depression simultaneously is also more than twice the national average. A number of factors were found to be powerful predictors of depression and anxiety, most notably job stress. Clergy members engage in many stressful activities, including grief counseling, navigating the competing demands of congregants, and delivering a weekly sermon that opens them up to criticism. The strain of these roles is further amplified by having to switch rapidly between them, which other studies have shown only exacerbates these stressful experiences. Furthermore, the study found that pastors' sense of guilt about not doing enough at work was a top predictor of depression, and that doubt about their call to ministry was a top predictor of anxiety. Pastors with less social support those who reported feeling socially isolated were at higher risk for both depression and anxiety.
By contrast, pastors reporting greater satisfaction with their ministry were half as likely to develop depression or anxiety. "Pastors may have created a life for themselves that is so strongly intertwined with their ministry, that their emotional health is dependent on the state of their ministry," said Jean Proeschold-Bell, the Clergy Health Initiative’s research director, and assistant research professor at the Duke Global Health Institute. "So it's possible that when pastors feel their ministry is going well, they experience positive emotions potent enough to buffer them from mental distress. Of course, the converse is also true." The rates reflected in this survey represent the percentage of individuals who reported symptoms of depression and anxiety over the previous two weeks. It is probable that a far higher percentage of clergy experience depression or anxiety at some point during a lifetime spent in ministry, Proeschold-Bell said. "It's common for public health professionals to ask pastors to offer health programming to their congregants," said ProescholdBell. "These findings tell us that we need to reverse course and consider how to attend to the mental health of pastors themselves.“4
Pastors may have created a life for themselves that is so strongly intertwined with their ministry, that their emotional health is dependent on the state of their ministry
The result is that pastors are leaving ministry at an alarming rate as a result of the following mental and emotional health issues: burnout, depression, anxiety disorders, compassion fatigue, stress, loneliness, spiritual struggles, substance use disorders, marital and family stress, identity and role confusion, guilt and shame and sleep disorders.
Eighty percent of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their roles. Eight five percent of pastors said their greatest problem is they are sick and tired of dealing with problem people, such as disgruntled elders, deacons, worship leaders, worship teams, board members, and associate pastors.5
Mental health includes emotional, psychological, spiritual, and social well-being. It affects how we think and feel, and how we experience our lives. It is a major factor in our capacity to experience joy in life, work, and relationships. Our mental health determines how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Positive mental health allows us to realize our full potential, cope effectively with the stresses of life, work productively, and make meaningful contributions to our communities and relationships. Detrimental challenges to mental health affect our thinking, mood, and behavior.
Work-related stress and burnout among clergy members have been the focus of many studies. Some research suggests that burnout results from systemic factors including bureaucracy, poor administrative support, and difficult work conditions—ministry is hard, and getting harder. Other intrapersonal-related factors that exacerbate these conditions include religious idealism, Type-A personality factors, narcissism, and perfectionism.
In addition, one research study found that clergy members more frequently experience guilt related to conflict with their birth families than do other vocations. As a group, pastors also experience social isolation, often extending even to their professional peers.6
Many of these issues can be avoided by setting healthy boundaries and by getting help at the first signs of anxiety, depression and burnout. Here are some of the most important healthy boundaries that pastors need to establish.
1. The first boundary has to do with time, because there is seldom a moment when clergy are not on call. It is critical to set reasonable work hours for office time, visitation and meetings. Most clergy members work 40-60 hours per week with 25% working more than 60 hours per week (Pew Research Center 2018).7 It is imperative to set aside time for family, exercise, healthy eating, recreation and hobbies, and time away with family and friends. My suggestion is to create a daily, weekly and monthly calendar to ensure that your boundaries are providing a healthy balance for each of your priorities. Discuss and adjust your schedule with your spouse or a trusted friend. Find ways to delegate responsibilities to other clergy members or lay leaders within the congregation. This first boundary must include limiting your time on computers or your cellphone in order to get a break from work so that you can be truly present with family and friends.
Most clergy members work 40-60 hours per week with 25% working more than 60 hours per week (Pew Research Center 2018). It is imperative to set aside time for family, exercise, healthy eating, recreation and hobbies, and time away with family and friends.
2. Emotional boundaries ensure the sanctity of our relationships. Monitoring the time spent with others, the nature of the relationship, the content of discussions and the feelings that accompany them are important items to monitor in every relationship to ensure their health. The ability to talk openly with the other person at the first sign of concern about the healthiness of the relationship is imperative. Decide on a course of action to establish more appropriate boundaries for the relationship.
3. Set limits on your counseling. My suggestion is to limit your counseling to spiritual matters and issues of confession and absolution. Most pastors are not trained as therapists or professional counselors. While I have often held an intake session with those who seek counseling, it was primarily to determine the nature of the presenting issues and to decide on the best counselors to which I would refer them. I developed a list of the best counselors, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists in the area and was always willing to make the first contact for the sake of those I was counseling.8
4. Avoid isolation by nurturing healthy friendships, participating in clergy groups, and creating a pastoral support group within the congregation’s structure. A strong sense of being a part of a team is necessary to avoid burnout and excessive anxiety. Ministry is not an individual profession. There are no healthy “lone rangers” in ministry. It is through these boundaries that mutual accountability and professional integrity are maintained.
5. Learn that the language of love includes saying “no.” It is a cowardly form of love that causes us to believe that is easier to give people what they want and just say “yes.” Generally, if you do learn to say “no,” people like you a lot more, and you won’t have to suffer the painful process of dying to self. “At times I have been guilty of thinking that if I can do what someone else asks, or if it is easier for me to do it, or if it would cause pain or hurt for me to say no, or the opportunity is there to help someone, I should say yes. But an opportunity does not always mean I am called by God to do something.” Saying no can be far more loving!9
Learn that the language of love includes saying 'no.'
Spiritual Boundaries
While this first set of practical boundaries is certainly not an exhaustive list, it is a good beginning. Perhaps even more important is the second list of spiritual boundaries that nurture your relationship with Jesus and provide strength for every other relationship in your life.
1. Personal Prayer Life - Beyond prayer groups and intercessory prayer, we each need to take time each day to express our needs and concerns and then listen for God to speak. This becomes an opportunity for communication that strengthens our relationship with Jesus.
2. God’s Word - Perhaps the most important way to listen to our Lord is through the reading, study and reflection on His Word. This spiritual discipline is indispensable for guiding and directing our lives. This daily personal commitment to God’s Word is in addition to time spent in sermon or Bible study preparation.
3. Coaching- Finding the time to be coached and to coach others as Jesus’ faithful followers means sharing the results of our time in prayer and the study of His Word. In this discipleship model we both give and receive. In this way, we participate and model the mission Jesus gave to His Church to be and to make disciples.
4. Family Devotions - We model our relationship with Jesus when we actively disciple family members. Reading and discussing Bible stories is an easy way to help children develop an interest in God’s Word. Praying with and for your children is another important and powerful witness of God’s presence and power.
5. Community Outreach - Developing a presence in the community through involvement beyond the congregation is a healthy way to meet others who may not know Jesus and are not involved with His Church. This action takes us out into the mission field and gives one great opportunities for sharing Christ’s love and proclaiming the gospel in more personal ways. This socialization beyond the congregation is both a great release and an opportunity to develop relationships that assist in maintaining a positive perspective.
It is important to note that none of these boundaries for spiritual health have to consume vast portions of our time and energy. Most can be accomplished in relatively short periods of time. Although circumstances may require more time occasionally.
Perhaps the most important spiritual boundary is that of constant protection and defense against the gods of the world that constantly attempt to exert influence in our lives and conscript us for their purposes. We live in a world in which people’s lives are either totally consumed in worshiping the gods of money, sex, power, success, education, technology, etc., or they live with the perverted understanding that following these gods, and at the same time following Jesus, is not only possible but desired! It is a way to get along with the world and yet continue the illusion of being faithful to Christ. It is easy for pastors to buy into a perversion of Christian faith when they value the success that comes from giving people what they want but not what they truly need.
The root cause of our attraction to these other gods that compete for our time and attention is the worship of 'self.'
The root cause of our attraction to these other gods that compete for our time and attention is the worship of “self.” This is the spiritual battle that began in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, and that continued through Israel’s propensity to worship the gods and goddesses of the cultures that surrounded them. Jesus warned against this love of “self” as did Paul in his epistles and John in the book of Revelation. The worship of self (in any of its forms present in our culture) leads to self-destruction! While these false gods offer false promises of an abundant life, they consume us as we consume them. That is the very nature and danger of consumerism. When it infiltrates the church, it compromises its mission and ministry. The resulting confusion in the lives of the believers causes chaos in their personal lives and chaos within the organization. These congregations and church bodies honor the world and its gods but not Jesus Christ and His body, the Church. The evidence and the results are all around us and the attractions or temptations of these gods are also within us. While many agree that there are no heresies in the Church only old heresies given new expressions, perhaps there are no new false gods only new manifestations of those old gods at work in our midst. Even as God spoke to His people through the prophets to resist the influence of those other gods by banishing them from their lives, so too in Christ we must do the same.10
It is for this reason that Paul admonishes and encourages us with these words, “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil (Ephesians 6:11-12). Peter also offers us similar advice, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). These spiritual forces are real, yet I have met far too many pastors who deny their existence and power. To live in that denial allows them a place in your life, compromising your faith and ministry.
However, far more powerful than any of these forces is the power and work of the Holy Spirit. Only in Christ and through His power can we “wrestle against” these spiritual forces of evil. I encourage you to pray for insight and spiritual discernment in identifying where these false gods of money, sex, power, success, etc., are attempting to influence you. Pray against them and change your behaviors by developing healthy boundaries. Sanctification requires boundaries: embrace them, don’t avoid them. In my own life I have realized that boundaries are not just a matter of what you are saying “no” to, but rather what you are saying “yes” to. You are saying yes to Jesus Christ, yes to life, yes to your marriage, your family, your service as a pastor in Christ’s Church, yes to your relationships with others, yes to the Gospel and yes to the Kingdom of Heaven Jesus came to proclaim.11
Know When to Seek Help
If you are developing any symptoms of anxiety or depression like: changes in eating or sleeping patterns, isolation from others or your usual activities, changes in energy levels, feelings of helpless or hopeless, unhealthy patterns of smoking, drinking or drug use, experiencing confusion, forgetfulness, anger, worry, fear, or mood swings that cause problems in relationships, I encourage you to get help. Talk with your spouse or a trusted friend, seek out a professional counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist.12 Pray for protection. Utilize the power of the Holy Spirit to exorcise the spiritual dominion of any other force at work in your life. There is always help and hope in Christ Jesus. No one is beyond that help and hope – regardless of how we may feel. It is never too late to establish or reset healthy boundaries.
If you are developing any symptoms of anxiety or depression like: changes in eating or sleeping patterns, isolation from others or your usual activities, changes in energy levels, feelings of helpless or hopeless…I encourage you to get help.
Bishop John Bradosky is bishop emeritus of the North American Lutheran Church (NALC)
Footnotes:
1Chip Ingram, “Did You Know God Has Boundaries?” Living On the Edge, July 24, 2019, accessed May 16, 2024, https://livingontheedge.org/2019/07/24/did-you-know-god-hasboundaries/
2Joseph Mattera, “7 Spiritual Consequences from Breaking God’s Boundaries” Charisma, April 26, 2023, accessed May 10, 2024, https://mycharisma.com/propheticrevival/evangelism2/7spiritual-consequences-from-breaking-gods-boundaries/
3Bill Gaultiere, “Jesus Set Boundaries,” Soul Shepherding, accessed May 17, 2024, https://www.soulshepherding.org/jesus-set-boundaries/
4Duke Today Staff, "Clergy More Likely to Suffer from Depression, Anxiety,” Duke University, August 27, 2013, accessed May 18, 2024, https://today.duke.edu/2013/08/clergydepressionnewsrelease/
5Ibid.
6Israel Galindo, “Addressing Clergy Mental Health” Columbia Theological Seminary, November 17, 2022, accessed May 18, 2024, https://www.ctsnet.edu/addressing-clergy-mental-health/
7Ibid.
8Barney Self, “Six Principles for Boundaries in Pastoral Ministry” January 1, 2014, accessed May 14, 2024, https://www.lifeway.com/en/articles/principles-for-boundaries-in-a-pastors-ministry
9Janel Breitenstein, “Love Says ‘No’: How Boundaries Express True Care,” 2021, accessed May 19, 2024, https://ymi.today/2021/06/love-says-no-how-boundaries-express-true-care/
10Jonathan Cahn, The Return of The Gods (West Chester, Ohio: Frontgate Media, 2024).
11Breitenstein.
12Jean Stinnett, “Psychology and Jesus: Setting Personal Boundaries,” special to the San Angelo Standard-Times, January 21, 2021, accessed May 21,2024, https://www.gosanangelo.com/story/life/faith/2021/01/21/psychology-and-jesus-settingpersonal-boundaries/6660421002
