Romance Romance

Ankur R Gupta

elf-love is a buzzing word in social media, and of late numerous individual opinions are shared splitting into factions. One group considers selflove being self-centered and selfish. However, the other group feels it islike practicing a romance with oneself to fall in love with others

As an individual, my opinion is more aligned with the latter group, romancing oneself. Selflove may often be seen as selfish because people confuse it with narcissism However, this is a misconception

Prioritizing your values and needs is not about being obsessed with yourself but about accepting, valuing, and caring for yourself It is like the safety instructions on a plane: you have to put on your oxygen mask before helping others. If you fail to take care of yourself, you will not be doing fair justice caring for anyone else Neglecting your well-being can often burn you out with resentment and frustration and you begin to feel like an empty cup. On the contrary, when you love yourself, you are more confident and happier, which makes you a better person to be around

Self-love for me means taking time to do the things that make you happy and relaxed. Maybe, that's taking a yoga class, reading a book, going for a walk in nature, talking to a trusted friend or therapist when feeling low, or taking a mental health day off from work and routine tasks. It is all about carving out time in your busy schedule to do the things that bring you simple joy and help you recharge

Signs that exhibit you are low in loving yourself-

Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to diminish your self-love It is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, which just doesn't work. You are unique and special in your way, and trying to be like someone else only takes away from your individuality Comparisons diminish your accomplishments and strengths

In the present world, we constantly are bombarded by social media with images of the perfect bodies, perfect relationships, and perfect lives of others And, drowning ourselves in the pool of comparisons, leading to stress, self-pity, and self-criticism. But those images are often far from reality So, the next time you are obsessing over Instagram reels, try to reframe from being influenced by such fake perfections Everyone has their share of ongoing struggles that you are oblivious to. The hike up suicides in the world of glamour and glitz in recent times reflects that darker secretive side that no one is perfect or has a perfect life

So, instead of focusing on what you lack, you should focus on what you have and work towards your personal growth and progress As wisely put up by Mark Twain-A man cannot be comfortable without his approval. So, by acknowledging your worth and treating yourselves with compassion, you can break free from the cycle of self-doubt, comparison, and validation

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others – Brené Brown.

Are you a people pleaser who tends to put other needs before their own? If yes, you may need to set some personal boundaries and start taking as good care of yourself as you do others This is a crucial step toward personal growth as you begin to love and respect yourself enough, to not let people use and abuse you.

I used to be under the spell of nice girl syndrome, always saying yes to everything and everyone, even when it meant sacrificing my time and well-I used to be under the spell of nice girl syndrome, always saying yes to everything and everyone, even when it meant sacrificing my time and well- being. But that all changed when I realized that my own needs and wants were just as important as anyone else's I understood that saying no is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength and selfrespect. Then onwards, I begin, to set my boundaries by communicating my limits and expectations distinctively and firmly without feeling guilty or ashamed This meant saying no to things that didn't align with my values or goals, and being assertive when others tried to cross my boundaries.

I gradually also learned to let go without any guilt, the things, people, and relationships, that were toxic in my life. Of course, there were times when I slipped up or felt uncomfortable. But instead of being a harsh self-critic, I learned to forgive myself and keep moving forward The journey required not one-time practice but an ongoing process and loads of practice and patience. But the rewards are worth it as you emerge more confident and happier

So, if you are struggling with saying no or setting personal boundaries, know that you are not alone and jump into this ongoing journey of romancing yourself, as it is worth it

Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward- Roy T. Bennett.

A river flows effortlessly forward and never takes a reverse course, despite going through numerous twists and turns It’s a constant reminder not to harp on the past but keep flowing forward. This metaphor aligns very much with a journey of selflove that requires acknowledging the downsides of the past but not dwelling on them Instead, focus on your present and future and work towards becoming the best version of yourselves.

To conclude, the mantra to self-love is to realize the importance of mindfulness. This means recognizing the signs when we need to take a step back and practice self-care This can help us to feel more grounded and centered and can lead to a greater sense of self-exploration

Learning to respect oneself is a lifelong journey that requires self-awareness, self-love, assertiveness, self-care, and positive relationships It is not always easy, but worth the effort for a happier and more fulfilling life.

How you love yourself is How you teach others to love you.

—Rupi Kaur

Ankur R Gupta - I'm a blogger, an author, and a certified content creator My writings revolve around the simple motto “Write to bring Smile” I believe in understanding behavioral aspects of human life linked with their different phases and then ink my words about them in a simplified way to spin out positivity and purpose associated with them.

A hardcore history enthusiast and traveler I love to read & explore our ancient cultures and civilizations

My reading page is inkmyword -the reader community

@writingstomakeyousmile

What inspired you to write the book, "A Dismantled State: The Untold Story of Kashmir after Article 370"?

In one stroke, on August 5, 2019, the geographical and political map of India’s most troubled and complex state was changed amidst a brutal and militarized lockdown that lasted months This was followed by massive restructuring of laws bringing radical legal changes, with a momentous impact on the lives of the residents of the region But there was silence in the region The only dominant narrative was the official version But none of this reflected the ground reality. Residents of Jammu and Kashmir were reeling under a sense of dispossession and living with an acute sense of fear As a journalist, I was dealing with a huge information desert The book which began as a quest to make sense of what was happening actually started as a journey to write a series of articles My attempt was to piece together whatever information was available in the public domain, scrutinise it, authenticate it and dig out more information wherever possible. But as I began to collect information, I realized there was a bigger picture to present than just a series of articles This book is a humble attempt to bring to the public domain alternative voices and perspectives that have been less heard or unheard. It is also an attempt to analyze the impact of the Indian government’s engagement with the region on the people’s lives, to understand the deafening silence in Kashmir and to see where we are headed. In doing so, I have been able to bring in only a very small fraction of the many stories that continue to be unheard

The Government's decision to amend Article 370 has created a sense of silence among the people of Kashmir Can you describe it more?

It is very difficult to understand the sudden silence that descended on Kashmir where a small incident could trigger a volatile reaction But the silence was so eerie and deafening that it clearly did not look like the calm that the Indian state was describing it as. The silence was an outcome of acute suppression of the people. This suppression was far more sophisticated than the previous violent strategies used in the past

It was less bloody and yet more brutal Physical violence was less but there was more psychological violence. The heavy militarization, the massive scale of continuing arrests, and the communication shutdowns created an unprecedented level of psychological terror which I have explained in chapters 4 to 6 of the book

Could you share any specific incidents or experiences that highlight the humiliation faced by ordinary Kashmiris while documenting the book?

People including top brass of politicians were picked up and taken to police stations and jails in the middle of the night from their homes, hours before the legal changes were made If this was the fate of the most powerful people of Kashmir, one could well imagine the fate of commoners. People were picked up randomly but the detained people included a crosssection of people – politicians, journalists, lawyers, businessmen, activists, academics, mohalla committee members, and ordinary people. Many of them were taken to jails outside the state and their families were not informed There were people who were very poor and had to sell their assets to find out the whereabouts of their jailed kin and travel to distant locations like Agra to meet them. For instance, there was the case of Mushtaq, who spent nine months in a prison in Bareilly in UP before he was released in May 2020 His family did not know of his whereabouts till his brother was informed ‘shortly before my release’. He neither had an extra pair of clothes nor any money One officer in the jail was sympathetic to him and offered him a set of clothes that helped him survive through those months with dignity.

As I quote in my book: “Many family members of the detainees who visited these jails were poor and illiterate and could speak only Kashmiri; and, thus, they were horrified to find that inside the jails, the security guards would insist that they could only speak ‘Hindi’. One mother of a detainee said that during her visit to a jail in Bareilly, all that she and her jailed son could do was stare at each other’s faces The visit was allowed for a few minutes under surveillance, and though her son could speak Urdu and tried to, she could not understand They looked at each other, communicating with moist eyes and tears.” The detentions were a continuous process. The security forces raided homes of people without a pretext and snatching their ATM cards, I-cards, mobile phones, laptops and forcing people to approach them in camps – where they were in for a more excessive bout of harassment. Sometimes, they would be detained, sometimes, they would be handed back to their families after subjecting them to torture.

These are only some of the humiliating experiences The very fact that a democratic country had decided to switch off the internet, mobile phones of an entire population leaving them without even the basic health care facilities that are digitally accessible or be able to call for an ambulance was extremely humiliating It was nothing short of reducing people to second-rate citizens. People trekked miles to access the government set up phone booths for a oneminute call to their children studying and working outside and all they did was cry out Journalists were compelled to work out of a small government set-up shack with poor facilities and their entire work under surveillance. These were the daily indignities that people suffered for a long time and much more

Regarding Article 370 and the government decision-making process, do you have any concerns or criticisms?

Article 370 was the constitutional link between India and Jammu & Kashmir which acceded to India under exceptional circumstances. Though it was already hollowed down by previous governments, it protected the rights and privileges of the residents of J&K with respect to land, jobs, college admissions etc. A large section of the population of J&K felt that accession was not final and that their fate should be decided as per the UN resolutions and the promise of a plebiscite made to them by India’s first prime minister. They already felt betrayed by the way New Delhi had for years manipulated the politics of Jammu and Kashmir and undemocratically removed leaders, even thrown them in jails. Yet despite these betrayals, there was space for civilized dialogue. By removing that, by taking away the privileges and rights of the people they cared most about, a monumental damage has been made. The government of India has not resolved Kashmir but shut all doors for resolution of Kashmir Political issues cannot be resolved without the involvement of people In fact, the disproportionate use of force and suppression may in the long-term have an adverse impact not only for Kashmir but also rest of India

Could you elaborate on the implications of reimagining of Kashmir as "Naya Kashmir"?

Naya Kashmir is an act of completely dismantling a state – one that was the most complex, volatile and a nuclear flashpoint Nothing good can be imagined of a vision, even if well-intentioned, that is built by suppressing local populations, instead of involving them And here you see that an entire architecture of existing laws has been brought down and new laws have come in place reversing the gains of the land to the tiller. Besides, local people are being marginalized and threatened by influx of outsiders who will easily monopolize the job industry and businesses Then there is also the threat of environmental impact

Article 370 is surrounded by many myths. How far does “A Dismantled State” debunk these?

I have tried my best to debunk many of these. But this book is more about the impact of what happened on the lives of the people I will leave it to the legal experts to shed more light

Can you highlight any notable quotes or passages from your book that encapsulate the essence of the situation in Kashmir after August 5, 2019?

For me, every word does. I’ll leave that to the reader. But I could describe the situation using keywords like humiliation, fear, psychological trauma, dispossession and hopelessness Of course, that is not true of the entire population There are people who benefit in some situations. But I am talking about the overwhelming feeling which exists today – not only in Kashmir but also in Ladakh and Jammu, though in lesser degrees in the latter two

The focus on criticizing various players including politicians and anti-social forces while exploring the history of Kashmir is noticeable in the book. Can you further clarify?

Kashmir has been complex and volatile for years It was been mishandled for years by governments in New Delhi and also by local politicians and other stakeholders. The Modi government has added another layer but one that is extremely destructive It is important to see this historic moment in its perspective and see that there are many others who are responsible for reducing Kashmir to a mess.

Is “A Dismantled State” a historical analysis or a day-by-chronicle of what happened in Jammu, Kashmir, and Ladakh?

As a journalist, I am a day-to-day chronicler of events But it is the daily chronicles that makeup history Historians look at different kinds of sources and use a different lens to research and analyze things. It is more thorough. It looks at a wider range of things. This is more a journalistic work

As the editor of Kashmir Times, did your experience and role in the media influenced your perspective on the events unfolding in Kashmir after the amendment of Article 370?

I have worked as a journalist for over three decades. I have seen the many ups and downs of Kashmir’s politics and situation. I have a fair understanding of how people would be impacted by certain actions and events My experiences and the stories and narratives that have been a part of my life-long work were indeed instructive in understanding Kashmir after Article 370 revocation