how to compliment women without objectifying them

In the typical process of complimenting people, something may go wrong - the possibly well-intentioned compliment has an undesirable effect of objectifying someone, usually the woman. I’m all for positive self statements but I’d much rather hear those statements address other than physical parts of who women are. A lot of us love getting compliments but it’s the intent behind the compliment that can be problematic. The idea of sexual entitlement is wrong - when the person feels entitled to that sexual desire being reciprocated - it infringes on the other person’s boundaries and turns creepy.

Please compliment women on something other than their appearance. Women are evaluated overwhelmingly on their physical appearance. Some women appreciate being recognized for what they do or who they are more so than for what they look like. Please avoid Sexually-Charged ‘Compliments’, if you do decide to say something nice about her appearance avoid using sexual overtones, that is just sexual objectification. You are reducing the woman to nothing but the sum of their parts to be used for another’s pleasure. People’s bodies belong to them, and trespassing into that personal space can make some people really uncomfortable.

According to author and psychologist Patricia A O’Gorman, “The struggle women have with compliments is that these acknowledgments of their ‘desirability’ hit what I’ve named ‘girly thoughts.’ Girly thoughts are how women internalize societal messages that inundate them with information about how they should act, should look, and what they should want, turning this into an inner toxic self-talk that misdirects their energies. This is what women need to learn to fight against.”

An article titled ‘The Transformative Power Of Feminist Compliments’ by Teresa Newsome suggests the although ‘feminism can be complicated in practice

… getting this stuff right matters’. They advise to use empowering image-based compliments and to check your motivations in complimenting others. If you are not giving a compliment for the sake of giving a compliment, don’t give a compliment.

When complimenting women you must understand and reflect on your compliment on the male gaze - the idea that women only exist to be pleasing to men, that men look at us and see our bodies and nothing else and you must not treat people (specifically women) that looking good is a requirement. Don’t put yourself down In the process of making a complement. You don’t have to use yourself as a bridge to make others feel better. Please don’t make comments about people’s size, you never know how they’re going to be received and it’s problematic on so many levels. All bodies are good bodies and there’s no need to attach a size-based element to the compliments unless you know you’re in a body positive space.

We must learn to teach girls and women their worth. We carry internalized beliefs about our place, worth and role in society as dependent on acting and looking typically feminine. This only further reinforces gender stereotypes. Make sure women know they are more than their appearance: praise them for their intelligence, strength, or leadership. Show them their thoughts and actions matter by asking their opinions and listening when they speak.

The idea of compliments as a world-improving feminist act may seem like a stretch but compliments, language and the way that we interact with each-other holds enormous power. Remember to be kind to others and to attempt to educate yourself about what makes others feel safe and respected.