The Fates of Greek mythology: A paradigm for modern mentoring

Written by Lizzie Fowler, Relationships and Mentoring Manager, St Margaret's Anglican Girls School

The three Fates are a renown trio from Greek mythology, potentially known to most courtesy of Disney’s 1997 classic Hercules. Children’s movies aside, the Fates – Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos – are believed to be divine entities personifying the birth, life, and death of each person (Williams, n.d.).

Clotho (Klotho), the ‘Spinner’, wove together the threads of life at birth, with each thread representing an element of the soul and the pathway that individuals would take in life: their decisions, their future, and the consequences of these actions. Lachesis, the ‘Allotter’, would measure the thread of life, dictating the mortal lifetime of each person and how many trials and tribulations they would have to endure. Atropos, the ‘Un-turnable’, or ‘she who cannot be turned’, was the one who ultimately cut each thread, determining the time of death (Williams, n.d.).

Taken together, the Fates symbolise the inevitability of fate and the journeys of everyone’s life. They fundamentally determined one’s destiny, a topic of great focus in Greek mythology (Tikkanen, 2025). If we adopt an existentialist approach to the idea of fate, it is argued that individuals have both the freedom and the autonomy to work towards their potential and their destiny, even though there may be things – controlled by Fates or not – beyond their control or choice (Bargdill, 2006). The goal, according to Bargdill (2006), ‘is to acknowledge the givens of one’s life and make choices and adopt the attitudes that would allow [an] individual to live a life that is as fruitful as possible’ (p. 213-214).

We tell students each day to be autonomous and take every opportunity afforded to them in school and beyond. Yet with increased opportunity comes increased expectations, and deciding one’s path – what their fate or destiny may be, what they should or should not study – is becoming increasingly more confounding for students. Liang et al. (2016) articulate this notion clearly, stating that girls today are facing increasing expectations from parents, peers, and most critically, from within themselves, to ‘be more ambitious, smart, caring, fit, and accomplished than their peers – in effect, to become “super girls”’ (p. 849). Girls feel the need to be everything for everyone – academically gifted, sporty, artistic, intelligent, and so on –yet often, they lose track of what they want for themselves, and within this confusion, feel lost as to what their own destiny or fate is.

Mentoring teenage girls can provide the ultimate support network for helping students clearly define and understand their individual trajectories, and what their own individualised Fates may look like – not in the literal sense of their birth, trials, and death, but in an academic and future-facing focus. Helping students shape and forge their future identities is of utmost importance if they are to map for themselves an autonomous future pathway.

I recently spoke with Lucy Dunning (’24) about her experiences within the St Margaret’s Plus Mentoring Program. Her words speak to the importance of this mentoring process in preparing students for their next phase of life:

The St Margaret’s Mentoring Program has been one of the most valuable experiences in shaping my career direction. From the start, the application process was quick and easy, and I was promptly paired with a mentor who was not only in the exact field I wanted to go into—finance—but also just five years ahead of me in her career. This made her insights incredibly relevant, especially as the finance industry has evolved so much for women in the past decade.

Over the course of four thoughtfully structured sessions, I was able to send her questions in advance, and she also came prepared with her own advice and resources, ensuring each meeting was meaningful and personalised. After every session, I left glowing with inspiration and excitement for the future. This program truly helped me gain clarity and confidence, confirming that finance is the right path for me. I’m so grateful to have been part of a program that not only supported my goals but helped me define them.

Lucy’s mentoring experience is demonstrative of just how important mentoring relationships between students and adult mentors are. By helping students gain the clarity and confidence necessary to embark upon the next stage of their life with conviction and certainty, the mentoring process can help break down the expectations of academic validation (the ‘Spinner’ of the three Fates), the fear of failure (the ‘Allotter’), and replace the dread of graduation (the ‘Un-turnable’) with excitement for the future.

The ‘Spinner’ – Academic validation and success

What can be regarded as the metaphorical ‘Spinner’ in this framework is academic validation and the importance placed on high achievement as a determinant of future success. For students, the threads that seem to currently tie their sense of self and identity together include academic success and reward, proven studiousness, and being perceived as an intelligent person. It is no secret that for senior students, the goal for their final years of schooling is to succeed in all areas of school life, demonstrate high academic achievement, and gain entry to their first preference of degree and university. These goals necessitate a commitment to study and excellence during a period of key individuating changes, and a student’s motivation can be derived from not only how they conceptualise their current selves, but also who they may become in the future (Destin & Williams, 2020). Mentors can provide pivotal and necessary support to students during this complex time and bridge the gap between their current identity and their emerging future self.

Students who are intrinsically motivated by goals centred on defining their purpose, and pursing this purpose over performance or validation, do not fall as easily to the external pressures of peers or society, and, rather, thrive due to their self-assuredness (Liang et al., 2016). There is a strong body of psychological research that demonstrates that there is an undeniable connection between how adolescents think about themselves, their capabilities and their futures, and the actions they take in school to achieve their goals (Destin & Williams, 2020). When students believe in their ability to achieve highly and consistently, and that their mentor is there to support them unequivocally, there is a marked increase in their persistence and results.

Different identities and conceptualisations of the self are constructed and informed by the contexts that adolescents find themselves in; the way that students ‘think about themselves, feel connections to groups, and imagine their futures are all determined by every day, moment-to-moment social influences’ (Destin & Williams, 2020, p. 439). When adolescents feel that one identity is made salient or aligns with their current contexts – for example, as a high achiever – they enter a ‘state of action readiness where [they] become more prepared and likely to engage with behaviours that are linked to that identity’ (Destin & Williams, 2020, p. 439).

Of course, there is a balance that these perceptions of the self and persistence need to negate, lest the student becomes burnt out or overwhelmed from the pressure they put on themselves. As mentioned prior, there is an increasing pressure on students to be everything for everyone – achieve highly, be involved in extra-curricular activities, hold and execute leadership positions, as well as balance their social and academic requirements, and have a strong sense of what they want to accomplish both in school and beyond. These all constitute competing and often confusing identities or ideas of who or what one should be – which threads Clotho has picked out for them, and which of these are most important to their current identity. They feel that they must align with and uphold this high achiever identity but become overwhelmed with all that this entails.

A mentor, especially an adult mentor who themselves has navigated the trials and tribulations of being a senior student, can therefore provide a supportive guidepost for students to work through these competing threads or identities, and realise that academic success is only part of the whole of their personhood. Mentors encourage students to explore different conceptualisations of who they are, what they might achieve, or who they want to become – not just the high academic achiever, but perhaps the artist, the creative, the writer. When students are competing against the expectations of themselves and others, and feeling that it is their academic achievement that best defines them, a mentor can provide ‘one of the most powerful and healthy sources of student motivation to persist in pursing long-term goals,’ both within an academic sense, but also beyond grades and ATARs (Destin & Williams, 2020, p. 438).

The ‘Allotter’ – Failure and resilience

Failure is a given in adolescence – failed friendships, failed hobbies, failed assessment, or, of course, failed ideas of what career they want. A student may go through various career ideas throughout Years 10 to 12 as they start to really think about what they want and do not want to do. They will naturally consider various options, assessing if they believe this is their dream job, and change their minds. With each change, they may feel disappointed or even confused; they had begun to visualise themselves as one thing before moving onto the next when they realised that it was not quite right. With age, they will come to realise that this is a very normal – and necessary –part of growing up. But for students who are in the thick of this tumultuous journey, these alleged failures seem all consuming and defining.

This part of the journey, Lachesis’ ‘allotment’ of the trials and tribulations of figuring out one’s career and pathway, is one of the most challenging, stressful, and confusing periods of adolescence. Some students have been set on what they want to be from a very young age, and others have no certainty around their future career decisions. Especially towards senior years, students begin to explore their current and future identities – who they are now, who they want to be, what job they would like to work in, and what role they would like to play in wider society (Branje et al., 2021). During this time, they become aware of their uniqueness, and as they try to establish their identity and what they want in their future, they have to consider the various possibilities of who they may be, and understand that with trying to figure this out, will come inevitable failure, or being wrong – and that this may be unforeseeable.

If a student is not equipped with the resilience, positivity, and self-assuredness to bounce back from these failures or changes, their future identity can become uncertain, as they are unsure how to respond to this unforeseen challenge or trial. One’s identity directly influences how people can interpret and react to unexpected challenges in the face of pursing their goals; if their identity feels connected to the challenge, they can see this as an important task or obstacle rather than a failure (Destin & Williams, 2020). If they are not prepared to combat this, they may feel overwhelmed and ill-equipped for their future.

For example, if a student is dedicated to becoming a doctor and has demonstrable academic success and a strong sense of purpose or alignment with this end goal, underperforming on the UCAT will, of course, be disappointing; yet she is equipped with the resilience and self-belief to know that perhaps taking the postgraduate pathway and sitting the GAMSAT would be a better option for her. A student that is not as self-assured or resilient in the face of a disappointing result will not be able to reframe her thinking in this same way and will instead take this presumed failure as the termination of that future identity, rather than as one obstacle on the journey.

If we pair this student with a mentor who perhaps had a similar experience, or did not get the required ATAR to commence medicine at an undergraduate level, having this mentor will validate her experiences and allow her to talk to someone who has been through the same process. This validation makes this obstacle seem like a learning opportunity instead, with the mentor presenting an end-goal actualisation that proves that despite the pathway being non-linear, the desired outcome is still achievable.

To help students gain this flexible thinking and become confident in their decisions regarding their futures, it is key that they are involved in mentoring relationships characterised by mutual trust, proactive engagement, authenticity, and empowerment (Liang et al., 2016). Engaging in the mentoring process can improve one’s relationship with others, but particularly important for students, it can boost their selfesteem and conviction to face these challenges.

The ‘Un-turnable’ – What comes next?

The most daunting element about being in Year 12 is the dreaded question everyone is asked: ‘What do you want to do when you leave school?’ It is a question asked often without consideration for the gravity behind it and how scary this decision is for students. This is the stage of Atropos, where the thread between their current identity – a Year 12 student – is cut in alignment with their emerging self. One identity ends as they move closer towards the transition to their next stage of life and learning.

In Year 12, students are working within the salient identity domains of education and vocation: what level of qualification they hope to achieve, and with this, what career they hope to pursue (Branje et al., 2021). Within this context, they begin to consider their various possible selves, who they could be, and who they should be, providing ‘a rich collection of thoughts about the self and provid[ing] an inherent connection between the self, goals, and actions’ (Destin & Williams, 2020, p. 441).

There are many different factors at play during this time; the expectations of friends, family, peers, and teachers become ever more prominent, but students also begin to question themselves, and what they really are passionate about or want to do with their next steps. Are their QTAC preferences correct? Do they really want to pursue one thing over the other? For students who may not feel that this path is clearly defined or clear about where they want to go, this can be an incredibly isolating experience. Thus, they need a mentor who they can turn to for genuine advice and guidance, and who can make the end of this thread – their one as a school student – an exciting rather than scary time.

When students do not have a mentor who has been in their shoes before or who can relate to them emotionally, it makes their ability to conceptualise their future identity much harder. If they do not have someone who they can see themselves reflected in, their own journey can seem implausible and that life after Year 12 is full of too many unknowns. This can leave students feeling that the thread of their time as a student is coming at too abrupt an end, finishing before they can finalise the next. When students can work with a mentor in a space where they can ‘articulate possible selves that are plausible, cognitively accessible, and linked concrete strategies,’ they are much more likely to feel prepared and motivated to make their next step (Destin & Williams, 2020, p. 441). They see their mentor as a possible self and can turn to them for guidance about their own experiences, challenges, and how they overcame these.

By providing students with a mentor, students can feel more connected to their future selves and see that their goals are indeed achievable. Future identity formation can be supported in a school context by providing strong mentor-mentee relationships between adults and students, whether that be with teachers, coaches, or alumni mentors. By encouraging intrinsic motivation, mentors motivate students to persist in achieving their goals despite challenges and obstacles, serving as an actualisation of a possible future self that helps students see that their goals are achievable.

Taking Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos as framework for understanding the stages of adolescent identity formation, particularly regarding the formation of future identities and preparing students to leave school, it is evident that a mentoring relationship is pivotal in helping students navigate these challenges and uncertain times.

A mentor can help dismantle the ‘Spinner,’ or the need for academic validation to create a meaningful current identity. Mentors help students move towards intrinsic motivation as opposed to performative achievement for others and help them define their own goals and aspirations beyond academic confines. Additionally, mentors help deal with the ‘Allotter’ of failure and disappointment by helping students change the narrative; mentors can help students reframe their perceived shortcomings as lessons of resilience and learning instead. Finally, and most importantly, mentors help students navigate the ‘Un-turnable,’ the decision making around their next steps. Mentors allow students to freely explore and consider all their options in a safe, supportive environment that makes the end of one thread – their days a school student – less daunting. Instead, mentors can help students consider their future selves and articulate their ideas for the future in meaningful discussions. Mentors act as mirrors for students, helping them see a future version of themselves.

Mentors, therefore, help break down the Fates’ supposed inevitability or the certainty of everyone’s journey, and instead help students foster genuine, complex, and individualised future identities imperative for a thriving, happy future in which they are autonomous and confident.

References

Bargdill, R. W. (2006). Fate and destiny: Some historical distinctions between the concepts. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, 26(1-2), 205-220. https://doi.org/10.1037/ h0091275

Branje, S., de Moor, E. L., Spitzer, J., & Becht, A. I. (2021). Dynamics of Identity Development in Adolescence: A Decade in Review. Journal of research on adolescence: the official journal of the Society for Research on Adolescence, 31(4): 908-927. https://doi. org/10.1111/jora.12678

Destin, M., & Williams, J. L. (2020). The Connection Between Student Identities and Outcomes Related to Academic Persistence. Annual Review of Developmental Psychology, 2, 437-460. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-devpsych-040920-042107

Liang, B., Lund, T., Mosseau, A., & Spencer R. (2016). The Mediating Role of Engagement in Mentoring Relationships and SelfEsteem Among Affluent Adolescent Girls. Psychology in the Schools, 53(8), 848-860. https://doi.org/10.1002/pits.21949

Tikkanen, A. (2025, April 17). Fate | Destiny, Predestination, Free Will. Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Fate-Greekand-Roman-mythology

Williams, B. (n.d.). The Fates in Greek Mythology: Hanging by a Thread. The Collector. https://www.thecollector.com/fates-greekmythology/.