St. Luke’s Student Voice Since 800 B.C.
Inside this tissue....
Dan Kagan’s New Event
St. Luke’s To Hold Hunger Games
Read all about it on page 4!
St. Puke’s School
Yikes, page 7.
Tennis Teams Cancelled ... see page 5 for more details.
377 South Wilton Road - New Canaan, CT - 90210
April 2012
Announcements
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C aw l e
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St. Luke’s To Launch Center For Followers After Realizing Not Everyone Can Be a Leader 5th Grade Hallway to Be Replaced With Golf Course and Full Massage Service Area
Nelson Mandela To Speak To the Middle School on the Importance of Personal Hygiene
Casually the worst photoshop job ever
College Counseling Office to Be Re-named “Cawledge Counseling Office” Rick Santorum and Herman Cain Tag-team Writing Duo
The hallways were abuzz today in light of a recent development. It has surfaced that starting on April 4th, the College Counseling Office, will be renamed the Cawledge Counseling Office. Apparently, this name-change has been in the works for months. When asked the motivations behind such a drastic change, Ms. Sonia Bell, College Counselor, and social butterfly, had the following to say, “We feel “Cawledge”, more accurately reflects the sociolinguistic norms which characterize the language of the modern student. Essentially, it’s cooler, and we’re trying to boost our image with the kids. We can get down too!” Beyond this, the administration hopes that the name change will basically trick kids into entering the office, as “cawledge” connotes the more fun -loving, party-ridden side of college life, while “college” connotes the academic and stress-ridden side of university life.
This week in news.....
Once the name change is enacted, the CCO itself will undergo a drastic renovation. The glass top table will be replaced with a ping pong table, the black chairs with foldable ones, and the sofas with two moth-infested couches which Mrs. Tregallas found on the side of the road. “The new furniture was all chosen within a fraternity theme in mind,” says Mr. Gaudet, who headed the renovation committee in the past months. In addition, the College Counseling Plaque found on the outside of the door today, will soon be replaced with a red and white banner that reads “I <3 Cawledge.” Clearly, the change would effect some students more than others, namely everyone but the seniors. Reactions to the change have spanned the gauntlet. Some students were horrified by the idea, Junior Ron Holland even exclaimed in the cafeteria, “I just... I just... HATE it!!!!!” Onlookers say that upon hearing the news, he was undoubtedly in a state of severe mental distress.
- Spring break was cancelled, we had school. Where were you? - Darmouth Aires were actually the Acafellas in diguise. - In order to have a sucessful March Madness bracket, you must not have known what basketball was when you made it.
All Classes Officially Cancelled Next Year For This Year’s Seniors Prom Boat Sinks, Titanic Comparison Inevitable Mr. Lebris: Self Professed “Number One Fan of ‘Call Me Maybe’ by Carly Rae Jepsen”
Mr. Schacht Buys Toaster Strudel; Kid Faints
Dale Griffa Finds the Secret to Eternal Youth