Gratitude Matters

Gratitude MATTERS

Energize Your Life With Thankfulness

Zenon Arthur Siloran Udani, PhD

Gratitude MATTERS

Energize Your Life With Thankfulness

Zenon Arthur Siloran Udani, PhD Zenith Publishing

Copyright Š 2017 by Zenon Arthur Siloran Udani

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except for brief quotations in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

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To Daddy, Mommy, my siblings Jun, Delia, Rey & Maro, relatives, and friends, Thank you very much!

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Contents Foreword

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Introduction 15 What is Gratitude

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Why Be Grateful 35 Benefits of Gratefulness 43 What Should We Be Grateful for 49 How can We Be More Grateful 53 References 60

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Foreword

A POCKET BOOK on the spirit of gratitude can be a handy companion for us during these times of frenzied activities. It can spur the impulses of being thankful, and sustain that thankfulness all throughout the day. In that way, we hopefully can stay put on the right path toward our final destination, without getting lost in the twists and turns of life’s drama.

Truth is we have to be thankful always. In fact, we have to brim with thanksgiving. This is the ideal situation for us. Our hearts should overflow with gratitude. In the first place, because there are many, endless reasons to be thankful. Then, such gesture would make us simple, very human and ultimately united with God and with the others.

A heart that is not thankful is an isolated heart. It’s a lonely heart that thinks it can live 7

and do things simply by itself, in violation of our nature and what we actually feel deep in our hearts. It has no other way but to be unhappy.

A thankful heart will never be alone and sad. It recognizes the many blessings and good things that it continues to receive. And it knows where they come from, and also for what purpose they are given. It will always be happy.

We need to do everything to cultivate this abiding mentality of thanksgiving. We have to deliberately do this task, given the desensitizing effect of the flurry of activities and other concerns our modern world is bombarding us with.

Gratitude forms an essential part of our relation with God and others. It is the adequate response we give upon seeing the continuous attention and care God gives us. It makes us stick to the reality of our life. It keeps us from inventing a world unhinged from its Creator and from others.

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More, when we are thankful, we exercise our heart in one of its most spiritual modes. We bare it to God and to others, and allow it to stay vitally connected with them. It makes our heart a heart of flesh and not of stone. It keeps us simple and humble.

When we are thankful, we open our heart to the workings of grace and the innate goodness that comes with our nature, at least that part that is still unaffected by sin. In a way, gratitude is a main language of the heart. It’s a major expression of love.

This is one of the main problems we have.

We see people becoming less and less thankful.

We now seldom hear the word. And if we do, we can’t help but notice it to be simply formalistic, just an external sign of courtesy, with no soul.

It’s quite dry.

We have to make sure that thanksgiving comes pouring out from our hearts everyday. In the Gospel of St. John, there’s a little expression 9

that can serve as a spur for us to be thankful, words Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman: “If you only knew what God is offering…” (4,10).

It might be worthwhile to remember these words, if not to say it often during the day, to remind us about God’s loving providence over us. To be sure, he continues to intervene in our life. He can never be detached from us, indifferent to our needs.

This is our problem. We tend to take all the goodness of God and of the others for granted. We are notoriously short-sighted and narrow-minded, often stuck in the negatives of life. We hardly consider anything beyond what our senses can perceive, what our intelligence can understand. We fail to be guided by faith that allows us to see the spiritual and supernatural reality of our life.

We have to see to it that everyday, we are conscious that we are always thanking God and others. In fact, we need to continue lifting our heart in thanksgiving all throughout the 10

day, as a Latin phrase beautifully puts it: “Ut in gratiarum semper actione maneamus.” (May we always be giving thanks.)

A day without saying “thank you” is a bad day. It’s a clear sign we are quite self-immersed only, blind to the continuing proofs of the goodness of God and the others. We have to get out of that predicament.

In the Gospel, our Lord was always saying “thank you” to his Father. And he praised the gesture of giving thanks to high heavens as in the case of one, a Samaritan, among the ten lepers who got cured and returned to give thanks to him.

“One of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice, and he fell on his face at Jesus’ feet, giving him thanks… Then said Jesus, ‘Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?’” (Lk 17, 15-17) 11

We have to thank God for everything, including the apparently negative events in our life, because in the end, with God everything works out for the good (cf Rom 8,28).

This pocket book will help you find incisive reasons and motivations to be grateful always.

Not only does it offer and explain theories behind the importance of gratitude. It also gives practical and urging, powerful points to be thankful, thereby fostering a spirit of thanksgiving that is not only intentional but also strongly felt and externally expressed.

Zen Udani has explored the fine points of this spirit of thanksgiving which we often overlook.

It covers the different angles for being thankful, corresponding to the different situations where we can be coming from. You will enjoy reading it, leaving you always thankful.

Fr. Roy Cimagala Multi-awarded writer & spiritual coach

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You say you’ve failed! We never fail. You placed your confidence wholly in God. Nor did you neglect any human means.

Convince yourself of this truth: your success — this time, in this — was to fail. — Give thanks to our

Lord... and try again!

St. Josemaría Escrivá, The Way, 404

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ou want y o D el good? e f o t ou w a n t y o py D b e ha p ? to

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Introduction DO YOU WANT to feel good? Foster thoughts of gratitude and think of what you ought to be thankful for right now. And do you want to be happy?

Nurture the attitude and virtue of gratitude, and discover motives for being grateful. One will always find good reasons for gratefulness even when saddled with an imperfect self, a difficult life, and a complicated world. And with good reasons within us and around us, we are free to choose the path of gratitude and be happy. This is important because people often remember us for how we make them feel. As Saint Teresa of Calcutta said, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

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Ordinary life abounds with reasons for gratefulness. By being mindful and focused on what matters, we open our mind and heart to moments of gratitude and utmost care for what is valuable in life. With a gaze toward others and not just furtive glances, we learn to appreciate the goodness people have and feel blessed as well. Gratitude precludes self-centeredness and indifference towards others. It gives credence to the possibility of building bridges and breaking walls among a diverse group of individuals.

We often forget to be grateful. It is good and healthy to make a conscious effort to be always thankful. It is like learning how to breathe properly to improve our well-being. We wish we could have adopted the attitude and virtue of gratitude much more in the past. We could have reaped more benefits and gained more ground in our personal development.

Nonetheless, every moment is always a good time to cultivate gratefulness. This will give us peace of mind, make us more sensitive to others, and conscious of the gifts of life, faith, family, and friends.

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Upon waking up in the morning and before sleeping at night: Think of that

one thing that you’re most grateful for. Then pray a wholehearted act of thanksgiving to cap your day.

Remember to look around you and

appreciate the good things people have and all the good deeds they do.

Find some quiet place close to nature or a corner inside a chapel to reflect

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and contemplate on the need to be more grateful.

Draw up your gratitude list of eight which you may glance at or recall especially in moments you need most.

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I have been always edified by people who remain firmly thankful to God despite having suffered some tragedy. Remembering to be grateful is a challenge, much more so when faced with adversity. But a misfortune could reveal our blessings, and serve as the gateway to reach valuable realizations. Gratitude guru Robert Emmons says it all (2007: 9): “It is the presence of thankfulness in trying times that enables us to conclude that gratitude is not simply a form of ‘positive thinking’ or a techniques of ‘happy-ology’, but rather a deep and abiding recognition and acknowledgment that goodness exists under even the worst that life offers.’”

Nurturing a grateful heart inclines us to keep calm and joyful. Gratefulness dispels gloominess and anxiety that saps life of happiness. It keeps us resilient, joyful and hopeful amid adversity. Benedictine monk and gratitude expert Brother David Steindl-Rast (1984: 18) states that “Everywhere in the world joy is the true expression of gratefulness.” A 18

grateful heart invites the presence of God, strengthens spiritual and bodily health, and invigorates relationships. It helps us see that we are blessed, that someone cares about us, and that we are loved. Since we are prone to take our loved ones for granted, we need to reaffirm our appreciation and concern for them.

Our parents’ love, care, and concern give us indelible reasons for gratefulness. We treasure the same sentiments for our family and relatives who have helped us become better persons. Learning to appreciate our gifts and blessings also helps us to be more optimistic and upbeat.

Allow yourself to be inspired and energized by watching this video clip: “A Good Day” With Brother David Steindl-Rast (https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Zl9puhwiyw).

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Set aside 15 to 20 minutes a day

reading an article or book on gratitude, or listening to inspirational talks on the topic.

Visit the website Gratefulness. org (http://gratefulness.org/) every week and spend the time to read and draw personal resolutions from the articles.

Every time you look in the mirror, remember to give thanks.

Gratefulness is a refuge for the person who is confused or anxious. To regain composure when bewildered, one should seek solace in appreciating one’s gifts and blessings.

Gratitude also serves as a compass that directs our mind and heart toward peace and serenity.

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Some people have been crushed by tragic experiences, and yet consoled by the things that they remain grateful for. Gratefulness is a magnet for positivity. It repels the whiff of negativity that depletes our sense of humor.

Clinical psychologist Charles Shelton (2010: 9) says, “A critical reason for living life gratefully is to counter and halt the alltoo-human tendency to slide into negativity.

Humans often overemphasize negative and downplay positive events.” Gratefulness is a unique way of celebrating the blessings that we have as well as those delightful things we experience each day. ​ We are born with a huge potential for gratefulness. Our human nature is endowed with a free will that is inclined toward the good. And the manner we were raised and nurtured allowed us to grow the habit and attitude of gratitude virtuously. We were taught by our parents and elders to be grateful, to say “Thank you” to those who do us favors. We flourished in our thankfulness 21

as we experienced and learned the beauty of kindness, both as recipients and benefactors.

Every goodness that we have experienced gives us firmer reasons for being grateful. Emmons (2007: 54) states that “We are receptive beings, dependent on the help of others, on their gifts and their kindness. As such, we are called to gratitude.” He explains further that “It is gratitude that enables us to receive and it is gratitude that motivates us to repay by returning the goodness that we have been given. In short, it is gratitude that enables us to be fully human” (2007: 55).

Spend your walking or running exercise filling your mind with grateful thoughts and feelings.

Find a poster or picture that will remind you often to be grateful.

Post it in a space where you can see it frequently.

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Listen regularly to a song or music that will evoke memories and feelings of gratitude.

Post or tweet regularly a message of gratitude over social media.

From a spiritual lens, Saint Thérèse of Lisieux affirms the value of being grateful: “It is the spirit of gratitude which draws down upon us the overflow of God’s grace, for no sooner have we thanked Him for one blessing than He hastens to send us ten additional favors in return. Then, when we show our gratitude for these new gifts, He multiplies His benedictions to such a degree that there seems to be a constant stream of divine grace ever coming our way.” Indeed, God cannot be outdone in generosity. A grateful attitude and prayer reward us with more of his graces and blessings.

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A grateful attitude empowers us to acknowledge gifts and blessings from others, making us potential channels of goodness to other people. This invigorates the social and emotional bond between us and others. As long as we are humble and refuse to think that the world owes us something, there will always be room for gratefulness. On the other hand, “Ungrateful people are unable (or unwilling) to partake in the cycle of giving and receiving and thus risk being alienated from society,” asserts Emmons (2007: 148). He continues, “From a personal standpoint, they are unable to experience the joy and fulfillment that grateful living brings and are instead mired in complaint and negativity.”

Gratefulness makes us more sensitive to the blessings and gifts we have received from God. There are moments when we are just amazed and utter, “What did I do to deserve this blessing?” DeMoss (2009: 82) clarifies, “A grateful heart is God-centered and othersconscious, while an ungrateful person is selfcentered and self-conscious.” There are times 24

when we are ungrateful and undeserving of merit, and yet we are truly blessed. We are like a clay vessel – easily broken and vulnerable – and yet entrusted with the treasures of life, freedom, faith and love. And for all this, we are grateful to our Creator.

Little things mean a lot to grateful hearts. Practice acts of kindness and gratitude daily.

Surprise someone with a

meaningful gift as a token of gratitude.

Letters of gratitude inspire, especially if written by children.

Start writing an online blog on your gratitude journey.

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Gratitude prompts us to reciprocate and improve ourselves in order to preserve the trust of our family, friends, and benefactors.

We correspond to good deeds by returning favors, without expecting anything in return.

We retain the trust of people by living up to their expectations and going beyond them.

Emmons (2016: 72) avers, “The motivation for giving back the good resides in the grateful appreciation that we have lived by the grace of others. Gratitude makes those who receive grace long to give it back.”

Habits of gratitude trigger a virtuous cycle. Newmark and Norville (2016) affirm that “Being grateful puts you in a positive frame of mind. Psychologists call it the ‘upward spiral’...

One positive thought prompts another positive thought, which is followed by a pleasant memory and so on. Each thought spirals upward into another happy moment and your mood climbs along with your thoughts.”

Gratefulness multiplies our joys, keeping us calm and upbeat amid the cumbersome pressures of life.

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Consider a delightful memory that evokes deep feelings of gratitude. Recall this often during the day or week ahead.

Think how you may pay it forward for all the favors you have received.

Do something nice for someone every day.

Strive to give more thanks and complain less every day.

In appreciation for the gift of life, eat healthier food, and stick to a regular exercise that will help you live a much healthier and happier life.

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WHAT IS

Gratitude GRATITUDE HAS BEEN referred to as a feeling, emotion, mood, thought, attitude, intention, deed, habit or virtue that is evoked from receiving or recognizing a good, gift or blessing from a benefactor. It appears more profound and meaningful when the gift received is intangible and spiritual, and the giver expects no recompense. Gratefulness is a marvelous thing to have and experience. It is a state we would want to last forever.

Emmons and Hill (2001: 15) affirm that “Gratitude is a sense of thankfulness and joy in response to receiving a gift – whether the gift is deserved or not, whether it is a concrete 29

object or an abstract gesture of kindness.” They also highlight gratitude as a chosen attitude: “Gratitude can also be a conscious, rational choice to focus on life’s blessings rather than on its shortcomings; it can be developed into a spiritual practice to create a positive outlook on life.” Emmons (2007) elucidates further that gratitude consists of two stages: “the acknowledgment of goodness in one’s life” and “recognizing that the source(s) of this goodness lie at least partially outside the self ”. Thus, gratitude inclines us to be others-centered and less self-focused.

Genuine gratitude is always positive. It is an essential part of human nature. It is a basic human courtesy. It impels us to be good and to do good to others. Being grateful enhances our spirit of solidarity and sense of belongingness to our community. We take more notice of others and find means and ways to help those in need.

Ancient Roman politician Cicero considered gratitude as “not only the greatest 30

of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

Acquiring the habit of gratefulness means growth in a host of other moral and social virtues. It nurtures our personal development, and by osmosis, those of others that we influence positively. In short, practicing gratefulness turns us into better persons.

G.K. Chesterton attests, “I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” Whatever circumstances we may be in right now, it is worthwhile to remember concrete reasons for being thankful.

It feels good to be grateful. And it is even better and nobler to sow peace, joy, and kindness among others without expecting gratitude in return. Being such kind of person, we become a veritable blessing to other people.

The yearly celebration of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day abounds in grateful homage to parents. Children recognize that they owe to their parents who they are and what they have achieved. They honestly admit that they 31

will not be able to thank their parents enough, no matter how much they try, for all the love, sacrifices and care given to them.

Russell Westbrook’s eight-minute speech as the NBA’s 2016-2017 Most Valuable Player (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEgjp8vkT4), after a phenomenal performance during the season, exuded with gratitude especially to his parents, brother, and spouse. As in most cases, people attribute their success to the sacrifices of their family. They also humbly admit that none of such achievements would have been possible without the blessings of God.

Albert Einstein confessed, “A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depends on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the measure as I have received and am still receiving.” Genuine humility helps us realize how much we owe other people. We live in fellowship with the others. The good that we and others do contribute to the common good that we all partake from.

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Emmons (2016: 18), states that “the capacity for gratitude is deeply woven into the fabric of the human species, and without gratitude it is impossible to flourish�. It is unthinkable to live peacefully with others and work collaboratively without gratitude.

Gratefulness nourishes our relationships which enhance our personal growth and development. Indeed, we develop more by association and not by isolation.

Delight your family and friends with a lunch or dinner treat as a gesture of gratitude.

Consider celebrating a day of gratitude or recognition day in your office, school or organization. Let people know, especially the unsung heroes, that they are appreciated.

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Create a set of collage

defining and explaining gratitude.

Grow an indoor plant that

will remind you of cultivating

gratefulness.

Shelton (2010: 21) explains, “The dynamic of gratitude lies in the fact that goodness has come to us, and it is goodness we give back.�

The attitude, habits, and deeds of gratitude we express are concrete expressions of thinking and being positive. Simply telling someone who is experiencing a bout of sadness or depression to think positive or be positive is not enough. It will be helpful to encourage him or her to recognize personal blessings that call for gratefulness.

There is always something to be thankful for.

We have been recipients of various good things from known or anonymous benefactors. For this matter, we need to be thankful, show our sincere appreciation, and do good in return.

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​WHY BE

Grateful THERE ARE LOTS of reasons for being grateful. Good experiences, and sometimes even the bad ones, trigger feelings and thoughts of gratitude. Time and again, I have heard people coming out of an adversity utter words of thanks to God. They are grateful for what they still have.

They are thankful and hopeful for the good that could come out from their experience.

Emmons (2007: 11) asserts, “Grateful people experience higher levels of positive emotions such as joy, enthusiasm, love, happiness, and optimism, and that the practice of gratitude as a discipline protects a person from the destructive impulses of envy, resentment, greed, and bitterness.”

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Gratefulness blows away depressive moods and swings. Charles Dickens wrote, “Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”

Gratefulness shields our mind of worries and allows us to sift through the essential things in daily life. Albert Einstein also pokes us into admitting the existence of miracles in our daily life: “There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Emmons (2013: vii) affirms that “Gratitude is important not only because it helps us feel good but also because it inspires us to do good. Gratitude heals, energizes, and transforms lives in myriad ways consistent with the notion that virtue is its own reward and produces other rewards.” Gratitude, then, is a treasure which we can harness for the common good of people.

Gratefulness has been intrinsically linked to happiness. Being content with what we have, 36

without giving up on our aspirations, helps us to appreciate the good things that we possess and the pleasant moments of each day. Tal Ben-Shahar (2010: 2) notes, “When we make a habit of gratitude, we no longer require a special event to make us happy. We become more aware of good things that happen to us during the day‌.â€? We need to be more thankful for what we have to appreciate better the blessings that are yet to come. thank you...

Spend a few minutes of deep breathing exercise daily.

Whisper words of thanksgiving as you relax and breathe deeply.

Identify a trigger that would set you in gratitude mode.

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Start or renew the habit of saying grace before meals.

Read and reflect on what the Bible says about gratitude.

A grateful attitude restrains us from being envious of other people. We learn to be content with what we have and not obsessed with what we lack. Friar (2017) explains that “If we consciously practice gratitude every day, our focus is turned to the abundance of things and people that we already have in our loves, that are so easily overlooked and forgotten.

The impact of such a daily practice is a natural increase in happiness and contentment with who we are and what we have.”

Being grateful also spurs a virtuous cycle of generosity. McMahon (2016) relates that “Research has shown that this frequently 38

activates reciprocal generosity – so the person you have shown your gratitude to becomes more inclined to want to help you, or to perform better. It’s a win-win situation.” It is also a fact that there are kind-hearted people who help others without expecting anything in return. The ingratitude of some beneficiaries will not change their generous disposition.

The advantages of personal gratefulness also redound to organizations. The virtue adds value to the culture that is nurtured by human relations and facilitated by grateful leaders. Grateful leadership authority Judith Umlas (2013: 199) asserts, “By creating a culture of acknowledgment and appreciation in their organization, in which people truly feel valued, these leaders motivate their followers to strive for continuous improvement and always greater results. This in turn promotes a positive environment and the overall wellbeing of both the leaders and their followers.”

Moreover, Emmons (2016: 84) adds, “Gratitude lets us see ourselves as part of a larger, intricate 39

network of sustaining reciprocal relationships.

As the emotional force behind reciprocity, gratitude serves as a key link in the dynamic between receiving and giving.” Melody Beattie (2007: 86) also insists that “Being grateful for whatever we have always turns what we have into more.”

Watch and learn from Brother David Steindl-Rast’s TED Talk “Want to be happy? Be grateful” (https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtBsl3j0YRQ)

Identify and drop those personal habits that trigger bitterness and ingratitude.

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In your next team building activity, consider adopting the name “Team Gratitude� for your group.

Learn about what your friends are grateful for.

Gratitude is a lifelong matter we need to live with. It could be an elixir of life when hopelessness and pessimism warp our vision.

It could serve as an anchor to keep our moral moorings and stave off floating to nowhere.

Gratefulness will keep us from pettiness and help us train our sights on the essentials of life.

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BENEFITS OF

Gratefulness GRATEFULNESS HELPS US to perceive the good things that are present in our life. It prevents us from overlooking the obvious blessings, enabling us to refocus on the gifts of the moment. It makes the positive more concrete, allowing us to behold the value of little things. Thus, there will be less complaining and more thanksgiving happening in our daily life.

A grateful heart steers clear of useless worries and anxieties. It disposes us to reciprocate kindness with good deeds. A grateful conduct enhances our well-being.

Ben-Shahar (2010: 81) asserts, “Expressing gratitude to others – to our parents, teachers, 43

friends, students – is among the most effective ways of raising others’, as well as our own, levels of well-being.”

Self-help author, Melody Beattie, affirms in her book entitled Gratitude (2007) that, “A sense of gratitude immediately gives us a sense of perspective when facing problems. Gratitude helps us make the most of the resources at hand. And above all else, a sense of gratitude helps us truly recognize the presence of a Higher Power in our lives.” Gratitude affords us the supernatural lens to look inside ourselves and discover God’s presence. It opens our mind to perceive and discern the goodness of people and the delightful creation around us.

In return, we strive to requite people’s goodwill with benevolence, transforming ourselves into better persons.

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Get the three-minute

habit of stopping at various times

during the day to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Then dwell on the blessings God has given you. Close these moments with acts of thanksgiving.

Meditate on St. Josemaría’s writings on “gratitude” and “thanksgiving”. (Visit http://www.escrivaworks.org/)

Open your window. Or look out from where you are. Identify two to three delightful things that merit your gratitude.

Smile more often out of gratefulness.

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A grateful disposition affords us the following benefits: A bad mood improves into something comfortably good. We become more relaxed and cordial. High blood pressure gradually goes down. We sleep better with more peace of mind. We retain our sense of humor. We smile and laugh more. We become physically and psychologically stronger. We become more approachable. Interpersonal relationships improve. We have greater chances of winning more friends. We broaden our social network. We work better with others.

We help motivate others. We become an inspiration to people. We serve others gladly.

We become more helpful and less hurtful. We do business better with customers, and they help grow our business in return.

Gratefulness builds social bridges and breaks relational walls between us and our fellowmen. It encourages us to be otherscentered and manifest care and concern for people. Steindl-Rast (1984: 15) relates, “Gratefulness always goes beyond myself. For what makes something a gift is precisely that 46

it is given. And the receiver depends on the giver.” He adds, “Gift giving is the celebration of the bond that unites the giver and receiver.

That bond is gratefulness.”

Write a gratitude card to

your parents and siblings.

Relish fond memories with your parents and siblings, and together give thanks.

Prepare your family’s favorite dish as a gesture of thanksgiving.

Do an act of service to a stranger as a way of paying it forward.

Figure out reasons to be grateful for not having what you want.

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ofLife t f i G

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WHAT SHOULD WE BE

Grateful For

THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING to be grateful for – the gift of life and presently being alive; our health though we may ​be afflicted with some illness​; our family and relatives, with all the ​joys that we share and sorrows​that we experience; our loyal friends, ​including those who may have forgotten us;​our work and leisure; our talents and abilities; our education and abundant learning experiences; the food on our table and water that is available; the clothes that we wear and the shelter of our home; and many more. The intangible goods that we are thankful for, such us love and affection from our family and friends, cost us nothing.

What we should strive for is to be more aware of 49

these blessings, sincerely appreciate those who care for us, and act generously in paying it forward. We are grateful for all the heartfelt service rendered to us by others. And by being more thankful, we feel much more blessed and fortunate.

By keeping an open mind and fostering a sensitivity to gifts and blessings, we discover profound motives for gratitude. Theologian Henri Nouwen says, “Everything is, is freely given by the God of love. All is grace. Light and water, shelter and food, work and free time, children, parents, grandparents, life and death – it is all given to us.

Why? So that we can say thanks: thanks to God, thanks to each other, thanks to all and everyone.”

Think of the people close to you.

Reflect on the reasons for being grateful for each of them.

Make a collection of inspirational short video clips on gratitude. Find time to watch them especially when you need a spiritual boost.

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Compose a short prayer of thanksgiving that you may recite at the beginning and end of each day.

Listen to the song “Give Thanks (With a Grateful Heart)” [https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=Bk_7wUR2Wdg] and relish the lyrics. Then formulate resolutions on gratitude.

Oprah Winfrey gives this advice about being grateful: “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” We need an objective and honest idea of the blessings and gifts we have. This will save us from being overwhelmed by a flurry of interior complaints and painful discontent. Thus, we will feel more blessed.

We feel grateful for the blessings other people enjoy. We ​know that joys and blessings are multiplied when shared. We are happy seeing others happy. Our thankful heart shields us from noxious envy and pride. We are grateful seeing 51

others: ​enjoy their family life and gatherings; happy with their circle of good friends; flourish in their professional life and careers; help strangers without expecting anything in return; do a lot of good using their talents; render great service to God, family, and country.

One of the best pieces of advice I have received is “to live each day one at a time.” The past, with its anxieties and painful memories, is gone. But surely happy memories are motives for being grateful. And the future, which is yet to come, may bring some worries and uncertainties. But most of the anguish and distress are probably unfounded. Thus, living in the present moment, mindful of the opportunities and blessings, is what needs to be done.

Emmons (2013: ix) highlights the value of memory in living the virtue of gratitude. He asserts, “Gratitude is about remembering. If there is a crisis of gratitude in contemporary life, as some have claimed, it is because we are collectively forgetful.”

He adds, “Grateful people draw on positive memories of being the recipients of benevolence, a giftedness that is neither earned nor deserved.”

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HOW CAN WE BE

More Grateful Deeds of gratitude

GRATITUDE ENERGIZES our personal and social life, while ingratitude enervates it. Deeds of gratitude habitually done each day transform us into grateful and better persons. Consider practicing the following resolutions daily. And before calling it a day, check whether you have fulfilled most of them. Employ suitable alerts to help you remember these resolutions at specific moments of the day, week or month.

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​1.

Begin each day with prayers of

2.

Recall the gifts you have at the

3.

Thank God in advance for the blessings that will come

petition and thanksgiving.

start of a new day, such as the life you behold and the family you have.

your way.

4.

Think of two or three concrete deeds of kindness you can do for others.

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5.

Set alerts throughout the day as reminders for counting your

blessings.

6. At any given moment, recall something that you are grateful

for.

7.

Write gratitude notes or letters, or send short text messages, to people you owe a great deal, especially to your parents, siblings, relatives, and dear friends.

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8.

Start a gratitude blog or journal.

9.

Draw inspirations from watching video clips in this

YouTube channel “A Network of Grateful Living (https://www. youtube.com/user/Gratefulness).

10.

Read and learn from the

life journey of gratitude guru Brother David Steindl-Rast.

Check his website at http:// gratefulness.org/brother-david/ about-brother-david/.

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11.

Watch, listen and reflect on

12.

Pray for blessings for your

13.

Prof. Robert Emmons’ talks on gratitude in YouTube. And draw personal insights and resolutions on acquiring the virtue of gratitude.

benefactors as well as those who need these blessings most.

Give back to the community through a volunteer work of your choice.

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14.

Start an online community

of gratefulness, growing it into a support group.

15.

Gratefulness itself must be a gift. Ask it frequently from God.

16.

Share gratitude messages

17.

Smile more as an outward

18.

Read daily available literature

via social media.

gesture of gratefulness. on gratitude.

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19.

Include gratitude cards in all

20.

Treat someone for lunch, snacks or dinner as a gesture

your gifts.

of gratitude.

21.

Celebrate gratitude days and excursions with family, relatives and friends.

22.

Always end your day giving thanks to God.

Tal Ben-Shahar (2010: 83) notes, “A single letter of gratitude boosts our levels of well-being, but for the writer this spike is usually temporary. For letters of gratitude and gratitude visits to have a more lasting effect, they would have to become a ritual.�

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By being more grateful by choice, we could possibly stave off sickness, depression and even temptations. Authors Lesowitz and Sammons (2009: 2) put it succinctly: “Gratitude promotes healing, harmony, peace, and joy. It encourages forgiveness, patience, and goodwill. It is a path that opens the opportunity for us to act on the good in our lives.” And illustrious basketball coach John Wooden attests: “Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

Being one more grateful person is like lighting a candle in the dark. The choice lies in our hands. It is never too late to be grateful.

We can a make a difference by initiating one grateful moment at a time.

Let me conclude with these powerful words from Pope Benedict XVI: “Life is beautiful; it is a gift even when it is lived in difficult circumstances. It is always a gift.”

Thank you very much!

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The author wishes to thank the University of Macau for funding his research on gratitude.

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REFERENCES Beattie, M. (2007). Gratitude: Inspirations by Melody Beattie. Minnesota: Hazelden Publishing.

Ben-Shahar, T. (2010). Even Happier: A Gratitude Journal for Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. New York: McGraw-Hill.

DeMoss, N.L. (2009). Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy. Chicago: Moody Publishers.

Emmons, R.A. (2016). The Little Book of Gratitude: Create a Life of Happiness and Wellbeing by Giving Thanks. Great Britain: Gaia Books.

Emmons, R.A. (2013). Gratitude Works!: a 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity. New Jersey: Jossey-Bass.

Emmons, R.A. (2007). Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier. New York: Houghton Mifflin.

Emmons, R.A. & Hill, J. (2001). Words of Gratitude for Mind, Body, and Soul. Pennsylvania: Templeton Press.

Friar, J. (2017). The Gratitude Attitude: the First “How to be Happy� Key. Imaginal Publishing.

Lesowitz, N. & M.B. Sammons (2009). Living Life as a Thank You: The Transformative Power of Daily Gratitude. San Francisco: Viva Editions.

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McMahon, M. (2016). A Pocketful of Thank You: 9 key areas to bring joy, harmony, health, wealth & happiness into your life. Draft2digital.

Newmark, A. & Norville, D. (2016). Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Power of Gratitude. Simon & Schuster.

Shelton, C.M. (2010). The Gratitude Factor: Enhancing Your Life through Grateful Living. New Jersey: HiddenSpring.

Steindl-Rast, D. (1984). Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer: an Approach to Life in Fullness. New York: Paulist Press.

Umlas, J.W. (2013). Grateful Leadership: Using the Power of Acknowledgment to Engage All Your People and Achieve Superior Results. New York: McGraw-Hill.

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About the Author ZENON ARTHUR SILORAN UDANI, PhD, teaches Training & Development, Business Management and Leadership at the University of Macau. He is also a personal coach and a learning and development professional. He has designed and conducted workshops on grateful leadership and leadership skills development, values orientation and work attitudes, selfempowerment and personal development, corporate vision, mission and values. He is author of Investing in People: Reflections on Values & Virtue-Friendly Enterprises and various academic journal articles on training & development, human resources development, continuing professional education, servant leadership, and management spirituality. He holds a PhD in education from the University of Navarre (Spain) and an MBA from the University of the Philippines.

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