Stephens Life | Fall 2022

e h T

w a R e u s Is

Contents

D E R E T UNFIL

5 Vogue 11 Skin to Skin 17 Comfort Zone 23 Parental Guidance 29 Embracing the Opposite 37 It’s Not a Dog 41 Dear Diary 45 Why does my head feel like it’s going to explode?

51 It was a GI Jane Joke!

57 11pm cooking Experiment

RAW

GET A LIFE

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Stephens Life / Fall 2022 / Issue No. 21

Letter from the Editor Dear Fellow Reader,

EWW!

When I first heard the word raw pitched as a potential theme, my mind immediately went straight to raw chicken. My deep fear of cooking and eating chicken has to be the only reason for this. There is even a phobia called mageirocophobia, which is the fear of cooking or eating undercooked food, which sums up this now not-so-secret fear of mine.

Now you’re probably wondering how this relates to our issue or if this issue be about food. However, If you’re looking for a food magazine, this is not it.

Instead, the raw issue takes a deep dive into societal issues. We explore racial and gender stereotyping. We ask the hard questions about sex education (or the lack thereof) for our youth. We cover the personal issues that everyone faces. We find solace and unity in other people’s stories about depression, imposter syndrome and overwhelming classes.

With this issue, there are no filters to hide these imperfections. So we are taking off the masks we hide behind—and ripping off the band-aid, opening up these wounds to the world.

RIP IT OFF! So again, why connect raw chicken to the raw issue? I shouldn’t let my fear of eating and cooking chicken get in the way of eating a delicious baked chicken breast. Similarly, we should not fear the imperfections in our society. The world is crude and has problems that are not easily solved.

Not everyone experiences these hardships, but understanding what others face can help us be more compassionate.

Whether it’s big problems like racial and gender stereotyping or the small ones in the kitchen with raw chicken, we shall not fear the rawness that affects us all.

Please enjoy, converse and stay curious.

And cook your chicken thoroughly!

Madison Moore

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Madison Moore

COOK YOUR CHICKEN CAUSE NO ONE WANTS SALMONELLA! SL | 2

SL STEPHENS LIFE

1200 E Broadway Columbia, MO 65215 Stephens Life is the award-winning studentrun magazine of Stephens College.

EDITORS Editor-in-Chief Madison Moore Creative Directors Savana “SJ” Johnson Morgan McCall Social Media Director Arika Smith Copy Editor Elyse Clayton

Staff

Jaedyn Colvin Jordan Davis Mia “Mage” Dozier Naya Goodman Jadyn Graves Lydia Graves Ryann Jenkins-Leflore Maggie Lowery Komachi Miyazaki

CONTRIBUTORS

Kennedy Brown Hope Daugherty Madison Green Alex Jockisch Children’s School at Stephens College Maude Vintage

ADMINISTRATION

Staff Advisor: Dr. Bethanie Irons

SPECIAL THANKS

President Dianne Lynch Jen Tolle, The Agency Opinions expressed are not necessarily the views of the college, students, administration, faculty or staff. Stephens Life strives for accuracy. To report a correction or clarification, please send an email to birons@stephens.edu.

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VOGUE THE RIGHT TO SHOW YOUR COLOR

Story by Jadyn Graves Photography by Jadyn Graves Illustrations by Madison Moore

T

he year was 1968. Drag queens from all around gathered in a cramped theater. Nervously swaying in their stilettos, they listened to the MC give out titles. Cameramen zeroed in on the faces of each queen as they accepted their placement with bright smiles. In an anticipatory tone, the MC announced the third runner up for the pageant, “Miss Crystal, ladies and gentlemen!” The cameraman follows Crystal Labeija as she walks across the stage in annoyance and continues to capture her exit from the room. Echoes of a fight between Crystal and the MC erupt in a tight room as Crystal berates the judges.

When the MC tells Crystal that her leave was in bad taste and that she’d shown her true colors, Crystal barks a statement that will forever change the world of ballroom, “I have a right to show my color, darling!”

Icon (adj.): A Ballroom History Maker The magic of ballroom was first unveiled to the masses in the year of 1990, when pop singer Madonna released her famous hit “Vogue.”

The highly stylized noir video featured several dancers, as well as Madonna herself. They displayed various elements of the Voguing genre, with the musical accompaniment of mesmerizing House beats. However, unknown to the general public, this four minute and fifty-three second video only showcases a small portion of the vast culture that is ballroom, one that has been a part of queer culture as far back as the ‘30s.

The earliest form of ballroom presented itself during the Harlem Renaissance. Drag queens and other queer people met in small gatherings that slowly grew into spectacles. Icons such as the “Odd Fellows” laid the groundwork for the later surge ballroom culture took throughout the ‘70s and ‘80s. The beginnings of ballroom

were not all prestige and allure. Instead, the culture suffered from a lack of representation for queens of color. A notable film that captured the essence of this time in ballroom culture is Frank Simon’s documentary, “The Queen.”

Simon follows various queens, showing behindthe-scenes work that goes into planning a ball.

The main focus is on Sabrina, the queen who Crystal LaBeija loses to, which prompts Crystal’s startling exit from the venue. While “The Queen” does provide its viewers with an intimate look into the inner workings of ballroom, it doesn’t spend that much time acknowledging how the world of ballroom was different for queens like Crystal Labeija, an African-American woman.

In her iconic speech, Crystal tells of how her friend Monique had warned her not to come to the event because she knew that, as a black queen, she wasn’t going to win the competition against a majority white group of girls and judges. Sadly, this was a trend common to many of the early balls hosted in the 60s. Following the atrocities of that night, Crystal and a friend

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of hers, Lottie, decided to organize their own ball and create a safe space for queer people of color — specifically black and latinx queens – to find acceptance. Thus the first “house” was created – The House of LaBeija.

With the creation of the House of LaBeija, the ballroom grew to new heights as many other houses started to form, full of people from all different backgrounds. A film that captures the essence of this treasured time in queer culture beautifully is Jennifer Livingstons’s documentary “Paris is Burning.” Shot in New York City, the film takes us through the lives of various icons and legends in the industry as they explain how ballroom has changed from “New the “Old Way” to the Way.” Although Paul Gibson – the cinematographer – is controlling the camera, it’s truly the art and charm of the performers, in the balls and interviews, that make the film such a blissful watch.

Turn It (verb): To Make a Grand Show What exactly was Gibson capturing through his lens, though? What do ballroom culture, balls and voguing really consist of? In layman’s terms, a ball is a complex event wherein “houses” gather to compete in various categories to win prizes and/or trophies. Each house consists of “mothers” and “fathers” who help their “children” prepare for the balls and also provide a sense of community for those who have been disowned by their family.

Members of the house “walk” (compete) for their house so they can gain recognition. Each ball has an overall theme that guides the type of garments the houses would wear. Fashion is a very important part of ballroom, so let’s take a quick sidebar to discuss the history of ballroom and what it means to “turn it.”

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In the early days of ballroom, queens often wore many beads and lush coats to emulate the looks of Vegas showgirls. The ‘70s ushered in a push to look like household names in Hollywood such as Marilyn Monroe and Lena Horne, while the ‘80s focused more on looking like models in magazines. The ‘90s, however, took a large shift as the fashion categories became more specific in order to make room for everyone’s styles. Categories such as “high fashion evening wear,” “luscious body,” “going to school”. and “executive realness” are just some of the different looks that walked the runway. The most renowned one being that of serving “realness.”

This is the concept of dressing and walking in such a way as to hide your queerness, which is what many of the people of early ballroom had to do in their day to day in order to survive.

The idea was to emit the aura that you were a straight cis man and/or woman and erase all the giveawas that you’re queer. The houses that did the best would win.

Fashion is such a large part of ballroom culture because it allows a group of people who otherwise aren’t allowed to have lavish things a chance to live in the fantasy of the rich and privileged. The folks from “Paris is Burning” described it as this: “By wearing these clothes we show the world that if we could get into the avenues, we would, because we can do the look.”

Ovah (adj.): Variation of “Over” Meaning “Very Impressive” Also “Sickening” The main event in the ballroom scene is voguing.

Voguing is a highly stylized form of dance that was created by Paris Dupree who, while performing at a nightclub, took a magazine from her bag and flipped through the pages, mimicking the poses the models were in to the rhythm of the music. Dupree was then challenged as another queen came up in front of her and started posing opposite of her. The two continued to battle trying to create poses more impressive than the last. Thus, the concept of voguing was created. Their are various types of voguing styles such as the “Old Way,” “New Way,” and “voguing Femme,” but for now we will be focusing on the very basics of vogue. There are effectively five elements in voguing that a contestant must perform when battling someone.

of many people’s lives right now. Especially with the recent release of Beyonce’s album “Renaissance” which seems to be almost an homage to the culture, having several songs with house beats and making shoutouts to the culture.

The politics of ballroom also have shifted over the years as we see houses like House of Ada catering to gender non-conforming peoples and House of Ninja, which consists of cis-gendered women. To further give insight to this, we talked to Lolita Leopard (Juicy -Miyake Mugler), two time contestant on HBOMax’s “Legendary” and winner of season three, with her other members

Duck-walk: A foot-sliding and scooting movement requiring balance on the balls of the feet.

Hand Performance: Illusions, or flamboyant storytelling executed through the hands.

Cat-walk: Feminine walk in which hips are pushed from side to side and hands move to the opposite direction of the legs.

Spins & Dip: Spins often performed in ballet; dips known as a ground-level stunt.

Floor Performance: Movements done on the floor using primarily the legs, knees and back.

Cunty (adj.): Ultra Feminine With the rise of shows like “Pose and Legendary,” ballroom culture is being brought to the forefront SL | 8

feelings as “WOW.” We wanted to get Leopard’s thoughts on how popular ballroom is starting to become and she said it’s been a beautiful adjustment but that it’s bittersweet. In her words, “I love the attention we’re getting, but I just want the world to know that we are not disposable. I live, eat, sleep and breathe the community and many of us have carried the scene on our backs…If you want to be apart or even pay homage, come to us directly. We are a huge, talented creative hub of endless possibilities that love the arts…Now it’s time to pour more into our rich community. We deserve more seats at the table.”

of the House of Juicy-Couture. As a cis-gendered woman, Leopard is not the usual demographic we see in these kinds of cultures. She walks in a category known as “fem queen,” one that is generally performed by trans women. When asked about how she navigated that dichotomy she says, “Me being in the community and majority of my close friends are trans women aka fem queens, they honestly have told me I give off fem queen energy. I honestly navigate this way by truly just being myself.” Leopard also gave us some insight as to how she got into ballroom, saying she was introduced to a runway modeling scene in the DMV when she was 15. She would compete in runway balls and competitions and was trained by her runway coach The Iconic Japan “Suki Woo” Mizrahi.

Once that scene died down, she was pulled into the international ballroom scene and has been in it now for nine years.

As of now Leopard’s favorite element of vogue is catwalk, but some tricks exclusive to her style of voguing are antics and sex appeal. In her opinion, what is means to be a fem queen is to have a aura, “feminine energy that oozes sex appeal, confidence, and honestly being the BADDEST B….” (she didn’t want to curse but we get her point). She says it was like a dream come true being on “Legendary” describing her

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Now that ballroom has reached the heights it has in our age of social media, it’s important to acknowledge where it all started. Modern Icons like Leiomy Maldono and Dominique Jackson were cultivated due to the feats of past Icons like Willie Ninja and Paris Dupree. Leopards gives the followingadvice to those wanting to get into the culture, even as cisgendered woman “Truly be immersed in the culture and community.

Find some balls in your hometown and just get involved. Study the category you’re

interested in walking, the classes, and come to a ball.” Ballroom is not just fancy clothes and cool dancing, it’s a culture built on the concept of survival and family. We can’t forget the harsh realities that still exist to this day concerning trans people of color and how ballroom was first and foremost a reaction to that violence and discrimination.

As the doors closed on Crystal Labeija that night back in 1968, a grand curtain opened to reveal

true glamor and beauty. A chance for queer people of color to express their truth, in the most opulent manner. The drag queens of the 70’s walked the runway of grungy, cramped stages, only to be judged by discriminatory panels. Now, queens have learned to emote; contorting their arms, throwing their bodies to the floor, strutting the runways, dripping in lavish garments. The true beauties may not have shown up that night in ‘68, but now they’re here and living in their truth. SL

“BY WEARING

THESE CLOTHES WE SHOW THE WORLD THAT IF WE COULD GET INTO THE AVENUES, WE WOULD, BECAUSE WE CAN DO THE LOOK.”

- The legendary children of Paris

is Burning

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Story by Maggie Lowery Photography by Savana “SJ” Johnson Illustrations by Madison Moore

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I

n a day and age where sex is commonly practiced, you would think that knowledge about sex would be equally common, right?

Unfortunately, that knowledge seems to be lacking, as there has been an increase in unplanned pregnancies as well as sexually transmitted diseases and infections (STDs and STIs) in the last few years. It makes you start to wonder, “Why is this happening? Where is this coming from?”

These problems stem from a combination of areas, making it a complex and multifaceted issue.

“Didn’t we learn this already?!”

The initial purpose of sex education is to educate young adults about the potential dangers of unsafe sex and how to minimize those dangers. The education primarily focuses on young adults who have hit puberty and want to try more adventurous and “mature” activities with their newly developed bodies. Over the years, many schools have strayed from this original purpose.

Instead of teaching about “safe sex,” they take their own approach, which often proves ineffective.

Because many schools have decided to take their own approach to this, many have underprepared these young adults for the sexually active world.

Riley Romeinger, a 22-yearold non-binary student at Mizzou, went to a private Lutheran high school and public junior high and elementary schools in Springfield, Illinois. R o m e i n g e r states that their public education was more in depth than their Lutheran education. Their public education covered oral, vaginal and anal sex, along with the dangers of STDs and STIs. This expanded beyond just the basic motto of “wrap before you tap.” Their Lutheran education, meanwhile, was a little lackluster in comparison to what they received previously. What Romeinger received during their high school years at a private Lutheran school was essentially teachers telling them that they should mainly practice abstinence, but if they were to have sex – even with it being looked down upon – they

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should wear a condom, along with a quick rundown of the different STDs and STIs. Delaney Alynse, a 26-year-old Saint Louis University graduate from Kansas, went to a private school between the grades of six to 12.

She was never supposed to receive a formal sex education from her school until a classmate of hers got pregnant in the seventh grade. They received this education through hour-long classes every day. These classes only included information about STDs, Alynse explained. She described the way that the information was given to them was essentially a fear tactic into not having sex. They taught Alynse and her classmates about every STD imaginable but approached the topic in a way that would scare students. Alynse describes one activity where the teacher gave them all a cup with either sugar or salt and told them to lick it. Because one can’t tell the difference between salt and sugar, the teacher related that to sleeping with men because “you don’t know what you are entangling with.” Alynse later received a more in-depth conversation with her mother about the being safe during sex part of sexual education instead of just fear tactics.

Judith Rojas, a 25-year-old student attending Stephens College from Chicago, Illinois, had her first encounter with sexual education in the fifth grade at the age of 10 while living in Dallas. This encounter was done in secrecy without the school knowing. This took place for an eight to twelve week period with consent from their parents to give them what can be closely described as classes. The teachers gave the students in-depth discussions and diagrams about sexual reproductive organs, their bodies, diseases and consent, all without the school board knowing.

Rojas describes this as the most descriptive sex education she has received. Her next encounter wouldn’t be until she was in the eighth grade. That next encounter wasn’t as in-depth as her previous one and shied away from many, if not most, topics. This time, it was sanctioned by the school district and taught information that they deemed necessary, primarily pushing abstinence over

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teaching how to have safe sex. The teacher brushed on STIs as well as STDs but didn’t dive too deep.

She also taught them that if they do have sex – but also prefaced that they shouldn’t – they should wear a condom. According to Rojas, many of the students either weren’t paying attention or giggling the whole time, and the teacher didn’t press for them to be paying attention. Her last encounter would be freshman year of high school. This last encounter is what Rojas described as the most lackluster. She describes it this way because there was no real teaching in this class because all of the work was done out of the textbook and the teacher was there to simply monitor them actually working.

Rojas states that her high school had a very high teen pregnancy rate during her time there and this class would’ve been beneficial to have been more of a teaching from teacher to student rather than the student teaching themselves through a text book.

“It feels better without.”

Even though many adults claim they are welleducated in sexual health, they have some cracks that they slip through when it comes to small things, such as condoms, that can become bigger things down the line. According to a 2017 report by Casey Copen at the CDC, “During any intercourse in the past four weeks, 18.2% of women and 23.9% of men aged 15–44 used a condom ‘100%’ of the time.” With numbers this low, it makes you think about why something as simple as putting on a condom isn’t happening. In an article done by The New York Post, when asking men why they aren’t putting one on before sex, the response that they got in return, is essentially, “It’s too tight, and sex feels more real without one.” This generalized response makes you ponder even more things, such as, “Do men know how to fit themselves for condoms properly? Do they value having more pleasurable sex over safe sex? Do men care about being sexually safe?” According to Dr. Hansa Bhargava, a WebMD medical editor and pediatrician based in Atlanta, “Many younger people, mainly millennials, aren’t wearing condoms, especially in casual relationships labeled ‘friends with benefits.’ They feel they know their partner well enough not to ask them about their previous sexual history.”

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“But they still do abortions.”

One company that became known as a safe space for those lacking sexual resources is Planned Parenthood. Unfortunately, in recent years, people have started to give Planned Parenthood a lousy reputation because many of them, but not all, do abortions. Many people don’t look past the abortions and lose sight of the other support they can provide. People have started to fight for them to be defunded because some do abortions, and many overlook that they provide free sexual education and many other resources.

During an interview with a Medical LMSW at a Women’s Health Hospital, who wishes to remain anonymous, they discussed their input on the topic of losing resources like Planned Parenthood.

What they stated was that with specific places like Planned Parenthood being taken away or being restricted, that many from lower income areas would no longer have access to things such as free testing and screenings for STDs, STIs, pregnancies and mammograms, as well as free birth control. Not only does Planned Parenthood provide free services for women but they also provide free services for men as well with testing and screenings for various STDs and STIs. Along with that, many people would be losing a safe place for them to go to for treatments of STDs and STIs that many other places don’t provide.

Planned Parenhood also fills many prescriptions because most other OBGYNs either cannot refill them or simply refuse to.

“So it won’t just go away on its own?”

STDs and STIs have incredibly long treatment processes, and some are even incurable. According to the CDC, some of these diseases cannot only last with h you for life and affect your sex life, but they can allso affect other aspects of your life, such as appeara ance, bathroom usage and other health issues. For exa ample, the AIDs virus is considered one of the moree deadly sexually contracted disease because, if left untreated for too long, it can kill those who have it..

During the interview with the Medical LMSW at a Women’s Health Hospital, wh ho was previously

mentioned, the topic about the unknown known dangers of STDs and STIs that many people ple either don’t know or chose not to give two thoughts about was brought up. They mentioned, ed, for example, how with a majority of diseases, s, if left untreated for too long in both men and women it can quickly lead to infertility issues that can cause issues later in trying to have children. Another life when they are tr thing that the Medical LMSW at a Women’s Health Hospita al mentioned is that HPV is one of the most common sexual diseases that many people will catch in their lives, but many people won’t realizze that they have it because either they don’t kno ow how to recognize the symptoms or some peo ople are completely asymptomatic. They highly encouraged that the only way to really know and treeat as soon as possible is by getting routine ng if you are sexually active. testin

people to avoid it forever. For the most part, that’s what we’ve been doing, and now we’re seeing what happens when you don’t well-equip the younger generations with the knowledge they need to protect themselves and their sexual partners. Especially now with “hookup culture” being more prevalent than ever with young adults who don’t even know how to put a condom on correctly. We need to make an effort towards them knowing more about proper sex and the things that tie into that. SL

“So what now?”

So o now we are left with the big question of, “What do we do now to fix it?” There is no changing the past. The only thing we can do as a society is fix things for the future. All four interviewees – Rojas, Alynes, Romminger and the Medical LMSW at a Women’s Health Hospital – agreed on the fact that schools need to stop teaching about abstinence being the only safe method and nothing else. else. Using it as a scare tactic could also cause many to not want to be sexually active because they are scared or don’t know how to be safe. Both Ms. Rojas and the Medical LMSW at a Women’s Health Hospital thought that we should start at a younger age than the high school level but make it age-appropriate. Depending on the age level, the concept of consent could also be addressed.

All four stated that they know many people don’t like talking about sex with younger people in a student-teacher relationship. However they also stated that even though it’s an uncomfortable topic it’s something that you need to grin and bear through. It would be better to have an hour of uncomfortable per day than send a young adult out into the world not knowing much besides what a condom is.

Whether it’s the 1800s or 2022, sex will be present in society. You can’t just ignore it or tell young

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Story by Jaedyn Colvin Photography by Mia “Mage” Dozier Illustrations by Savana “SJ” Johnson

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W

e find comfort in many things.

feeling was something that brought me peace and

For myself, I am comfortable in

I was okay with that.

my old sweatshirts, in my car

That Funny Feeling

and when I am with my dog. I am comfortable on Sundays, during summer and watching “New Girl.” I am comfortable in a big jacket, and I am comfortable when I am depressed. It’s a weird thing, being comfortable. For many, that means a lot of different things, but depression usually isn’t one of them. Why is it that feeling numb is pleasant? When my depression starts to take over, and it stays that way for some time, it starts to almost feel like home. I would look forward to being alone, or when I could sleep. I would spend days in my bed – and not the typical binge-watching of shows on a weekend. It would be curtains closed, phone off and silence. When I would attempt to bring myself out of the hole I buried myself in, the thought of having to feel excitement, joy or even sadness made me uncomfortable. This consistent

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I always had “episodes” in highschool where I would become unfocused, tired or anxious. I would blame it on the stress of school and extracurriculars and that was that. It wasn’t until my freshman year of college when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety that I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. This was the answer, or so I thought, to all my problems.

Through the therapy, and trial and error of different medications, my depression and I built a home and life. We were on intimate terms with each other. I would blame everything that went wrong in my life on it. It was frustrating, yes, but I thought, “This is my life now.” No matter how much I screamed at it to go away, it would always return. The only way for us to coexist was for me to get comfortable.

Looking back on it now, this isn’t unusual. Emotional

regulation or “emotional self-regulation” has been

their poor mood. This suggests that, as unusual as

defined by James J. Gross, Professor of Psychology

it may sound, depressed individuals may actually

at Stanford University, as the ability to effectively

be more inclined to feel negative emotions.

exert control over our emotions through a wide range of approaches. It involves two widely used strategies for minimizing the intensity of emotional experience. The first, reappraisal, comes early in the emotion regulation process. It consists of changing how we think about a situation in order to decrease its emotional impact. The second, suppression, comes later in the emotion-generative process. This involves suppressing outward expressions of emotion.

I became so comfortable and dependent on my depression that when I would get the excitement of something new, like the start of a new school year, meeting new people, even getting up and being productive, I would give myself reasons to go back into my hole. Any obstacle to keep myself there, I was looking for. According to Tamir’s study, “One possibility is that depressed people use emotion regulation to verify their emotional selves.” In other

Overall, it is the process of changing one’s current

words, because sorrow is a feeling that depressed

emotions into more desirable ones. It is something

individuals are more accustomed to, they are driven

we all do without really thinking and it’s not

to feel it as a method to validate who they are. If we

surprising that people suffering from depression

can view our emotions as a signal that some aspect

have difficulty managing their emotions. A study

of life needs to change, then why not take action to

performed by Hebrew University psychological

return to a better state of mind? It is always said

scientist Maya Tamir and her colleagues sought

that happiness is a choice, but it can

to see how people with depression regulate their emotions. In Tamir’s abstract she states, “We propose that deficits in emotion regulation may also be related to emotion-regulation goals. We tested this possibility by assessing the direction in which depressed people chose to regulate their emotions.” As the study progresses, it becomes clear that persons with clinical depression are successful at controlling their emotions, but they may be choosing to control them in a way that feeds into SL | 20

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be a lot more complicated than that. It comes

Stick with it, regardless of how difficult it is, and

differently for everyone. Some are miserable despite

accept that it will be a lengthy but rewarding journey.

having it all, while some people find contentment under circumstances that would discourage the most upbeat person. In contrast to those who appear to be generally happy or dissatisfied, no matter what is going on in their lives, other people’s happiness is transient and dependent on their current situation.

Where does depression fit in with happiness and how can the two balance together?

Contentment.

My depression will always come in high tides and low waves. I am comfortable with being depressed, but no longer will I run to it when I want to be comforted. Fleur, writer and publisher of “Symptoms Of Living,” writes it perfectly, “The sadness isn’t going anywhere, it will be there for you when you need it, when bad things happen or the world feels too heavy. Happiness can leave though, which is why you should grab it whilst you can. Savor the

It may be more comfortable for some to be sad

sunlight on your face, and stop questioning when

than to be happy. Happiness is unfamiliar territory,

the clouds will come again. They’re coming, and you

especially when you only know yourself as this

can’t stop that. All you can do is stand up and move

sad and numb person. While joy is a euphoric

out of the shade, as often as you can.” SL

high that leaves you feeling pleasant and light, sorrow consumes and weighs you down like a weighted blanket, bringing comfort in the midst of pain. Switching to healthy coping mechanisms and rationalizing the wave of emotions are all challenging tasks. But when that bliss truly begins to feel good, it becomes more difficult to maintain. This brand-new feeling of euphoria is accompanied by anxiety and fear that it wouldn’t continue and fear that something was wrong. Begin with tiny steps, establishing positive habits and choosing happiness wherever possible. Be gentle with yourself.

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Story by Ryann Jenkins-Leflore Photography + Illustrations by Morgan McCall

G

oing to college is a huge transition. It’s one that most people want but are never prepared for. It’s a time in your life when you change tremendously and are immersed in an environment that forces you to become an adult. For some people, the transition allows them to break free of their parents’ control over their lives and become the person they aspire to be.

This may seem like such an easy task for those with accepting and easygoing parents, but for some of us, growing into who we’re meant to be and not the person our parents’ want us to be can mean losing stability or even your relationship with your parents.

black but is clearly uneducated though his mother was a hairdresser,” Dozier said. “I just don’t understand.”

Despite the fact that Dozier’s parents found protective styles to be unnecessary for their hair, Dozier’s hair was relaxed from the age of three until high school. A relaxer is a chemical treatment that straightens curly hair. This isn’t permanent and is something you have to continuously apply to your hair. The more you relax your hair, the more damaged your natural curl pattern will be. Most people who relax their hair end up cutting their hair off from it being extremely fine and broken due to the damage. And when their hair grows back, often their curl pattern isn’t the same.

When the people you’re closest to, the

Mia “Mage” Dozier is a senior communication design major from Kansas City, Missouri.

Though they primarily stayed with their mother growing up, Dozier was raised by both of their parents. Dozier has always had a better relationship with their father than their mother.

“I am my fathers only daughter,” they said. “I’ve always received special treatment from him and his side of the family.” The same is not said for their mother, who Dozier calls judgemental and highly opinionated. From the moment Dozier started expressing themselves as a teenager, their mom had expectations of what a “girl should look like” and didn’t allow Dozier to selfexpress. “She would hide the basketball shorts and tell me to wear makeup because ‘that’s what normal girls did,” While Dozier’s father didn’t push them to wear make-up, he did have strong opinions about their natural hair. To their dad, Dozier had naturally beautiful hair that didn’t need to be covered up by protective styles because those were for people who didn’t have hair like Dozier.

This is something Dozier’s mother and father both agreed on. “It has always been an annoying conversation, especially with my father, since he is SL | 24

“I am my own person and rarely need their input.”

-Mia “Mage” Dozier

ones who you love the most, don’t accept you for who you are, you stop communicating with that person.

What do you do when that person is your parent and you’re just starting to gain independence? You hide. “The biggest lesson my mother has taught me is that if I wanted to be myself, I had to hide that part of me from her,” Dozier said. “I am a lot of the things she hates.” This doesn’t stop Dozier from being themselves. From the pink curly hair, cargo pants and Doc Martens, to their chosen name, Mage, Dozier desires happiness over their parents’ expectations.

Moving away from home to attend college allowed Dozier to explore their identity without worrying about being scolded for simply being themselves.

“I got more piercings and tattoos and started to do more with my hair.” Though Dozier is known for their love of purple, they’re currently gracing campus with vibrant pink hair and box braids. “I am 22 years old now. I shouldn’t have to worry about what my parents think of me.” Growing up,

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Dozier’s parents had a heavy influence on their life.

As Dozier has gotten older, the impact their parents had on them has worn off. “I am my own person and rarely need their input.”

The name of the person in this next story has been changed to remain anonymous.

Growing up in a religious household with high expectations and as a child of divorce left little to no room for error for Sami. No B’s and a 10:30 p.m. curfew. Attitudes weren’t tolerated and would result in immediate grounding. Going over to someone else’s house or staying the night was only allowed if Sami’s mom knew their parents and liked them. Coming to college after being raised in a strict environment like that was life-changing. When Sami first started college, they had frequent panic attacks because they were getting B’s and C’s and thought it was failing, or Sami would go out with friends during the week and stay out until 1:30 a.m. Then, there was this realization that they don’t have to ask for permission for everything and that messing up is okay. “I could balance things on my own and make my own choices.”

Being in college also made Sami realize that, while they could make their own choices, those choices came with consequences that they’re responsible for, not their parents.

Sami grew up hating when people smoked cigarettes or marijuana because they thought those things were bad. They’ve smoked a lot of marijuana and have had a couple of cigarettes. Sami’s mom has always told them that “nothing good happens after midnight.” They’ve stayed out until the sun has come up. “Though my mom never let me stay at someone’s house unless she knew them, I’ve gotten rides home from people I don’t know and stayed at the houses of people I didn’t really know. I’ve experimented with drugs and even taken a liking to a couple.”

Sami’s dad has never been a religious person because he believes in science, and their mom and her side of the family have always been religious. They would go to church every Sunday and Bible study on Wednesday, church camp in the summer and perform in the Christmas play every December. As Sami got older, they realized how mistreated they were in church, so Sami started their own religious journey to find another church. “This turned into me finding

another belief. I’m not an atheist, and I wouldn’t say I don’t believe in a higher power, I just don’t believe one man has a say over everyone and determines whether or not they’re a good person.” Sami’s mom has always been very influential in their life. “I care about her opinion and value what she thinks.”

It’s been that way their whole life and it hasn’t changed. “What has changed is the mindset I had that my mom was this greater human being that knew everything and could do no wrong. But that isn’t the case. She is a human, just as I am, and makes mistakes, just as I do, and is still learning the same as me.” Though Sami does and believes in things their mom probably wouldn’t approve of, if they’re happy with the person they see in the mirror at the end of the day, Sami is doing okay.

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Becoming someone or something your parent(s) have taught you was bad or wrong takes a lot of courage and strength. It can cause a lot of guilt and shame simply for being the person you wish to be, the person you love. This is especially hard for people-pleasers. But there is nothing more rewarding than loving yourself and being pleased with who you are. And to that I say,

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Photo story by Naya Goodman and Elyse Clayton

OPPOSITE

EMBRACING

THE

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P

eople have differentiated gender through clothing for centuries. Parents put their little girls in pink tutus and buy the blue “RAWR” dinosaur shirts for their little boys. Women wear dresses; men wear suits.

But what if we don’t enforce the rigid lines between the women’s and men’s sections at the store? What if we don’t teach our children to conform to the stereotypes? And what if our parents hadn’t taught us that to begin with?

What if clothes were just clothes?

Join me on a journey to embrace the opposite — to tear down the constructs that society has built around clothing throughout generations.

This isn’t just about the clothes. It's about mindset.

Don't worry about how others perceive you or what section your outfit came from. Don't get caught up in toxicity. Just be.

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What does the word “androgyny” mean to you?

“When you don’t fit into one [gender] or you’re just kind of both.”

-female Mizzou student

“It’s the bending of gender roles. I guess the way I see it it’s more when women dress more masculine, traditionally.”

-female Mizzou student

“Being able to appear as in between or as either gender.”

-female Mizzou student

“It’s basically just like ‘pish-posh’ to gender roles.

Essentially, when it comes to gender expression, it’s just kind of existing either in the middle of both of them or kind of borrowing from both of them or outside of all of them entirely. I feel like the word kind of encompasses all of that.”

-female Stephens student

“For me, it’s kind of like a mix of masculine and feminine.”

-non-binary Stephens student

“It is able to be assigned to either gender, like a trait that is not necessarily associated with one or the other.”

-male Mizzou student

“You don’t really care about gender roles. You just kind of are what you are. In a more definite term, it’s actively not prescribing to either side.”

-female Stephens student (of the 14 people randomly interviewed, seven did not know the meaning of “androgyny”)

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Our journey is just getting started.

Maybe it’s not about embracing the opposite. Maybe it's about embracing yourself. Wear what makes you feel more like you, regardless of societal ideas of gendered clothing. All clothing should be “androgynous” in the sense that it just doesn’t have a gender. A piece of fabric does not dictate your masculinity or femininity. Clothes are just clothes. SL SL | 36

Story by Elyse Clayton Illustrations by Jaedyn Colvin with help from the Children’s School at Stephens College SL | 37

S

cribble, blob, scribble, blob. You look at the messy doodle as your toddler bounces up and down, so proud of her latest masterpiece. “Oh, that’s so pretty,” you tell her.

“What is it?”

“It’s a dog! It’s a dog!”

“Oh yes, of course,” you nod, pinning it to the fridge. “It’s the most beautiful dog I’ve ever seen.”

It’s not a dog.

But that’s what she sees – and telling her otherwise at the moment would dishearten her. Children develop drawing skills through a series of stages, each an integral part to that final outcome of a floppy-eared fluffball.

When reaching young adulthood and stepping into a college atmosphere, many students discover through new situations and stressors that their emotional intelligence may be lacking, to say the least. The road to learning about and improving emotional intelligence looks similar to children’s drawing development – it may be messy and chaotic and even painful to look at, but it will also be colorful and unique and necessary.

Dr. Kendra Shoge, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), has practiced as a counselor since 2014, working primarily with children.

She holds a master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and a doctorate in Counselor Education and Supervision. Currently she works as an Assistant Professor in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program at Stephens College.

She explains emotional intelligence as “our ability

to recognize, regulate and manage our emotions” and “recognize emotions in others.”

Emotional intelligence starts building at a young age. As Shoge explains, between three and six, children start feeling some of those more significant emotions, but it can sometimes all come out in what seems to others as a tantrum.

They express frustration, annoyance and even excitement in similar ways – yelling, screaming and kicking.

Though it may be easier to brush aside tantrums, parents should validate and assist children in identifying feelings, giving examples of how to cope at that moment. “As those emotions are validated and named for them and explored with them, they’re able to better communicate what they’re feeling,” Shoge explains. “A threeyear-old can’t put words to it, but we can say to them, ‘I know you’re feeling angry right now, so let’s talk about it, or let’s take some deep breaths together.’ And when we’re doing that, they have a clearer understanding of what it feels like when they’re mad, and at six they can tell you, ‘I’m mad,’ instead of just screaming in your face.”

In the same way, three blue scribbles in early drawings may all look the same to an adult, but each represents something different to the young artist. But as they observe the world around them, seeing dogs and how other people draw dogs, they can better express that likeness in their own drawings.

Gender role expectations and societal norms have widened the gap between men’s emotional intelligence and women’s. “There’s this idea

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that girls are supposed to be expressive and nurturing and talk more and talk about feelings more, and boys aren’t,” Shoge explains. “So we sort of coach boys out of talking about their emotions as they get older. They feel the exact same things, they’re capable of expressing the exact same things, but as a society we shut them out of feeling and doing.”

Coming into college, freshly experiencing the adult world, a lack of emotional intelligence becomes apparent, especially in friendships and romantic relationships. A low emotional intelligence can lead to a lot of conflict with others. “Often the only emotion that someone is

“There’s this idea that girls are supposed to be expressive and nurturing and talk more and talk about feelings more, and boys aren’t.”

- Dr. Kendra Shoge able to express is anger,” Shoge says. “You see people expressing that all the time in media and everywhere else. So, okay, anger makes sense to me, I know that I’m feeling something, so I’m going to express it in this way as anger or just shutting people out. And people don’t usually take that well.”

That conflict leads to recognizing the problem, and people can start taking steps to address that.

Shoge adamantly recommends therapy.

Generally speaking, therapists work with their patients to determine goals and hopes. From there, they would talk through different scenarios to identify emotions and put the vocabulary together. “If therapy isn’t an option or people want to take smaller steps, look at things like a feelings wheel, even, and just work on being able to say names for different emotions,” Shoge recommends. “It’s really hard to do that work on our own when there hasn’t been space for exploration before, so either therapy or talking SL | 39

to somebody that the person feels close to. Just saying, like, ‘Hey, what is this? How do you deal with it?’”

On the other side, the person witnessing the emotional struggles, whether a friend or a romantic partner, can give help and encouragement by “trying to be patient and naming some of their own feelings,” Shoge says.

In a relationship, going to therapy together could also be beneficial.

However, if a relationship becomes toxic, unhealthy or even abusive because of that lack of emotional intelligence, it’s essential to recognize that and safely end things. Examples from Shoge of signs of an unhealthy relationship include feeling unsafe expressing oneself, being talked down to, being dismissed or gaslit, and receiving abusive or degrading language. “If these things are making me feel bad about myself on a regular basis, that is a good indicator [of an unhealthy relationship],” Shoge says. “Talk to people that you trust and feel close to about some steps you could take. If you’re living with the person, do you have a safe place to go? If you’re not living with the person, what do you need to do to end the relationship in a clear and healthy way? If the person might continue to reach out or stalk in some ways or things like that, do you need to get involved with the police or get a restraining order?” She emphasizes the importance of knowing early signs of an emotionally unhealthy relationship, as these things can escalate quickly.

A parent can’t ignore the scribbles and pretend it’s a dog forever, especially when the child reaches a point in development where he or she should be showing improvement. But that parent also can’t just take the crayons and draw the dog for him. Allow for exploration, for mistakes, for scribbles.

That first drawing wasn’t a dog. Nor was the second. Or the third. Or the dozens after that.

But what you have now is a dog – complete with cute floppy ears, a button nose and a wagging, fluffy tail. And the journey hasn’t stopped. Details will keep filling in, skills will keep improving.

Growth doesn’t stop.

So what will you draw next? SL

A feelings wheel, or emotions wheel, can help you identify and name deeper emotions.

First, start broad. With this variation, look at the six main emotions in the center. Identify which one of those you are feeling at this moment.

Then, follow that emotion to the next ring in the circle. Out of those words, which one best describes your emotional state?

Finally, make your way to that last ring. Of the two options, which best conveys your current feelings? If neither seems quite right, look at some of the neighboring words.

Once you’ve defined what you’re feeling, you can start to ask yourself, Where is that feeling coming from? What in my environment could be causing this?

However, as Julie Nguyen, a relationship coach for MindBodyGreen, writes, “There isn’t really a right or wrong way to use the wheel. What matters more is having a vocabulary that you can lean on when you need to add more detail to your emotions beyond the basic feeling of just feeling good or bad and not knowing why.”

To view the full version of this wheel, visit feelingswheel.com.

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Dear Diary,

Story by Ryann Jenkins-LeFlore Photography + Illustrations by Savana “SJ” Johnson SL | 41

F

Date 9 / 6 / 2022

rom sixth or seventh grade until my junior year of high school, I was suicidal, and I thought about killing myself every single day. I was never diagnosed with depression because I didn’t seek out help. This was due to the fact that I grew up in a Catholic family and we didn’t talk about those things. I was also afraid of disappointing everyone if I told them. And then one day it just stopped. I was happy.

I’m not someone who loves the church anymore, but during junior year of high school, I went on this religious retreat called Luke 18 and the energy from the retreat and the people made me feel loved. I felt like they cared for me and like I had these people who supported me. It was after that that I was able to be happy, genuinely smile at people, and care about someone other than myself. It was the first time I’d looked around the room and realized people didn’t hate me and didn’t think I was ugly or stupid; they liked me. I finally became myself–this person I’d missed for years. And it just happened one day, I’m sure there was a slow build-up, but it just felt like a snap. Like suddenly, I’m fine, I’m not sad.

I’m currently back in a slump, which is always fun. But it’s just academics and stuff that tend to make me lose myself. It’s especially hard now because I genuinely care, whereas in high school I didn’t care because I didn’t care to live and wasn’t going to live past the age of 16. That’s how I know this is different from that. I’m upset, sad, stressed and in this slump because I care and I’m worried about things.

I don’t remember my childhood, but I just know it was the last time I’d felt genuine happiness, and after my suicidal thoughts ended, I felt the same happiness. Now I’m still happy, but there’s a cloud over me, and I’m not sad, I’ve just had a lot happen and it’s overwhelming I did have a panic attack recently because I didn’t want it to happen again but it isn’t something you can control and you just have to step back and realize this isn’t that, this is normal, everyone feels this way.

-Kate Stevens, Second-year communication design major.

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Date 9 / 6 / 2022 I was diagnosed with ADHD my junior year of high school. I was also put on a small dose of an antidepressant. I don’t know if the antidepressants did anything good or bad, but I pushed through junior year. Then COVID happened and my family and I moved to a rural area two hours away from home, and school was online. I stopped taking medicine at this point because when the first lockdown hit I was ecstatic–school got taken away and I was able to see who I really was. So I didn’t need them. I didn’t have the rat race that was my school schedule and always made me feel like I was failing. I was never done by the time I wanted to be. I was just always struggling, so when it all went away I felt great. That euphoria lasted for about a month before I had to go back to school online, and it was dreadful. I just didn’t care.

My values changed because I realized that I’ve been working so hard to keep up with my friends who are neurotypical or my friends who are more okay with sacrificing their health for school. I told myself that I didn’t care to sacrifice my well-being for straight-A’s so I just wasn’t going to care. That worked until it came time for my senior paper and having to graduate and visit colleges. It all was hard. I’d completely lost social skills because I didn’t go out much and being around people was weird.

Over winter break I went home to stay with my grandparents in Kansas City and things really picked up then because I was back in my hometown and able to see my friends. Right before the end of winter break, I went to stay with my parents and everything went downhill again. I think being back in that house and in the environment just took me back.

The end of senior year was dreadful, but summer was good. I finished everything, I had everything planned out, and I was feeling good. Then, a couple of weeks before school started everything changed. It was Friday, August 6, and President Dianne [Lynch] sent out an email about everyone being assigned to single dorm rooms due to the COVID-19 Delta variant. And I was bummed because I felt like I was going to have a roommate and the college experience, like I was going to have my “Book Smart” moment. September, October and November went by and I absolutely hated it. I hated Stephens and my classes, and I felt I picked the wrong major. I would try so hard to think of anything else and do anything, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to. I couldn’t move on from it–I was so stuck. Hanging out with friends or working on assignments distracted me for a while, but when I was alone or didn’t have anything to do it got difficult to ignore. And then much like Kate said, one day, I was fine. I was excited about things, and it was great.

I would do anything to not feel miserable again, and that’s such a bad mindset to have because it’s a part of life and it doesn’t last forever, but it’s so hard.

Even when I accept that it’s something that happens and tell myself it’s going to be okay, I expect it to just magically go away then. It doesn’t; it’s a process.

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Coming back to school was awful, and it got so bad that I called my psychiatrist to put me back on my medication, and by March it was so much better. I was able to enjoy films, write, read and just enjoy things. It’s funny because my grades were so good freshman year because I was lost, and I was doing anything I could to distract myself from that feeling, which meant I did all my assignments, and second semester I got a D in one of my classes, but I didn’t care because it felt so freeing. I had better things to do like living, because I hadn’t been.

I learned that I hate being up in the morning, so I don’t do it. I made my schedule so that all of my classes are in the afternoon, I stay up late to work on assignments, watch movies and chill. Being more clearheaded allowed me to find these things out about myself. Now there isn’t this void to fill.

- Sofia Dadkhah, Second-year creative writing major.

Date 11 / 7/ 2022

Dear Diary, this past summer was shit. On July 14, I was sitting in my dark room at home under a mountain of blankets in my bed. After hours spent in deep thought about my feelings and life, I sent a text to my friends: “I just feel so out of whack. I feel like I’m just existing, and boring in my appearance and in general. I haven’t been taking care of myself lately, I’m angry often and I just don’t enjoy living. I feel like life is missing. Like there’s no life in my life if that makes sense.” At the time I needed to admit this to someone so that all those feelings would start to make sense to me.

It’s not unusual for my seasonal depression to hit in the summertime, but this was the worst it’s been.

Accompanied by my seasonal depression, I lost myself

some point we look up and realize it’ll be okay, or it is okay. This wasn’t a how-to, but I hope it was relatable or brought you some sense of hope if you’re currently feeling down or lost. SL

Sincerely, Ryann

After working my shifts at Target, the only thing I wanted to do was sit in my room and escape to a book. I didn’t have the desire to socialize or be present. This took a toll on my self-esteem and impacted every aspect of my life from my career to my relationships. But even after I realized I was completely lost, I didn’t know what to do. The motivational videos annoyed me; journaling did nothing; I didn’t have a social life; the only hobby I enjoyed was reading but I refused to buy a self-help book. I didn’t know how to “fix” myself.

At the beginning of this semester, I was still lost. I couldn’t create, and calling myself a writer felt like a lie. Things that were once a fun task for me felt like a chore, such as picking out outfits for the next day. I understood what was happening to me, but I didn’t know what to do about losing myself or how to come back from it and create again. I was a mystery to myself and still am.

Sometimes we don’t have the answer, sometimes shit feels awful and then at SL | 44

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Story by Komachi Miyazaki Photography by Mia ‘‘Mage’’ Dozier Illustrations by Morgan McCall

I

have no idea how I can finish this project. There are too many things going on in my life right now. I have three homework assignments due by tomorrow, one job interview tonight and two big projects due next week.

Literally, my head feels like it’s going to explode. Should I move to New York City, and never come back here?

Here’s the thing: every college student feels this way at least once during their college experience. I’ve been seeing it a lot on campus, and I need to accept that this is not something I can avoid. Going to class and working on homework is necessary for a student. I constantly ask myself, “Why am I in this position?” My answer: “I want to find my passion and have more opportunities in the future.” To sum everything up, I have to figure out how to sort through everything before my head explodes.

When do we feel a burnout or become overwhelmed in our daily life? Vogue writer Lauren Valenti writes, “We’re burnt out on being burnt out.” How many times have we experienced this before? It happens pretty often for most people.

tasks and have no idea where to start. Even with careful planning, the unexpected happens and sometimes you cannot finish everything that you planned. Then, you’re probably saying, “I don’t care about anything at this moment and I have no energy to do all of these tasks.”

According to the World Health Organization, burnout is “understood as a condition that is the result of chronic stress in the workplace that hasn’t been successfully managed.” Managing all the tasks you have sounds easy, but it’s not when you have so many

Psychotherapist Bryan Robinson says, “Once burnout gets its hooks into you, you can’t cure it by taking a long vacation, slowing down, or working fewer hours.”

So, how can we avoid this?

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Setting boundaries There are a few ways that you can avoid it. First is setting boundaries. Setting boundaries is harder than you think. Some distractions that can keep you from setting these boundaries are your phone and your mind.

Even though you are lying on the bed trying to take a break, you can easily access the task on your phone.

Also, you can think about all that you need to do in your head while trying to rest. These boundaries mean you have to impose yourself on all of your to-do lists, telling yourself that you are not allowed to think about that while you are taking a break. The easiest way to do this is to take a nap because you don’t have to think about anything while you are sleeping. Everyone has a different way of setting boundaries, and it is beneficial to find your own method.

Flip your perspective The second is to flip your perspective. When you are stressed and overwhelmed, you tend to think about SL | 47

everything negatively. Robinson suggested flipping your negative mind to a positive mind.

For instance, you may think, “Why is my life so hard?

Why do I have to do all of these things?” Instead of doing that, flip it, and ask yourself, “How can I find something positive in this situation? What is the way I can overcome or manage this situation?”

This way of thinking will help you know your inner self and better manage stress.

Being honest with yourself Third is being honest with yourself and seeking support when needed. When it gets to be too much and you feel too overwhelmed, you are not alone. Please be careful, it is a sign that your head is going to explode.

In this case, you can not keep pushing yourself. You need to be honest to others, tell them that you will not be able to finish your work. Ask for help. If you speak up, people will notice your limitations, and they will support you.

Interview with Grace Bailey “I’ve gotten pretty good at managing feeling overwhelmed,” said Grace Bailey, a senior communication design student. She is a full-time student and owner of a jewelry apparel shop called Chicory. She is interning 25 hours a week for Veterans United.

As you probably notice, her schedule is pretty much packed every day. Grace gave us an example of Wednesday. “My day started at 8:30 am and ended at 11 pm,” Bailey said. She uses her weekend to be either working more and getting more things done or using it as a break and catching up.

Having busy weekdays and saving the weekends for resting and catching up is how she manages this busy schedule.

Grace said, “Sometimes, it’s fantastic because I feel fully alive in all the things I’m doing, but if I’m not careful then it can very quickly become very toxic, the way in which I operate, and so it’s about sometimes I love it and it’s great and other times I wish I gave myself more time to sit and relax.”

It is important to use your time as much as you can. However, if you have too many tasks on your plate, you might not be able to work to your full potential.

“I’ll just braindump on a white piece of paper. I’ll put all the different things in the different categories of my life on there. Then, I just plop everything down on the list. If it’s on the list it means it’s not in my head, and I can actually sit down and start to organize the things that happen to you rather than just running on it without an agenda, which is very helpful.”

-Grace Bailey Lastly, she gave us a tip for managing a lot of tasks: “I’ll just braindump on a white piece of paper. I’ll put all the different things in the different categories of my life on there. Then, I just plop everything down on the list. If it’s on the list it means it’s not in my head, and I can actually sit down and start to organize the things that happen to you rather than just running on it without an agenda, which is very helpful.”

As she mentioned, organizing the tasks will help you to focus on one thing at a time.

If you don’t exactly know what you need to do, you could be distracted by other things that you also need to do. In this case, you ended up not finishing up any tasks. Break down, prioritize and schedule the tasks. This process will help you to work on your task without worrying about other things.

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NANKUR NA NKURUN UNAI AISA SA

Have you ever heard the Japanese word ‘Nankurunaisa’? A digital newspaper called Ryukyushimpo defines the word, “Even though you had a hard time, if you make effort for your path, the time will come to you.”

put this word into our life now? This way of thinking will help you not to overthink because there is always a point where you feel like you cannot do anything anymore. In this case, all you can do is to believe in what you have accomplished.

This word is originally from Okinawa, Japan. Okinawa is a southern part of Japan with a deep history. During World War II, a fierce battle was fought on the mainland of Okinawa. At that time, many civilians were forced to participate in this war. When they couldn’t do anything in such a situation, it was the word that they told themselves with a positive mind. Japanese people still use this word in different iterations, such as Nantokanaru. How can we

When you have done everything that you could have done, and you still worry about the future with questions such as, “What is it going to look like?

Did I do the right thing?,” you will be in an endless loop. That will make you feel more overwhelmed.

Trust everything will be okay because you have already done all that you could have done.

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When your head feels like it is going to explode, remember the concept of ‘Nankurunaisa’. Even though you feel overwhelmed, and almost burn out, you will be fine if you do all that you can do. Center yourself by reaffirming who you are, who you want to be, what you are working toward and what is most important.

Every day is a small step. When you look back, you will be surprised how much you progressed. Each task that you accomplish will connect, and it creates a line. The line creates your journey.

That journey becomes your life. SL

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IT WAS A GI JANE

JOKE! Story by Jordan Davis Photography by Jadyn Graves Illustrations by Mia “Mage” Dozier

“W

ow, it was a ‘G.I. Jane’ joke!” Chris Rock clarified moments after receiving an infamous slap, which actually sparked notice for the 94th Academy Awards. Before this night, no one cared for the Oscars or the film “G.I. Jane.” The 1997 movie starring Demi Moore was deemed a flop. This action-packed female lead film centers around Jordan O’ Niel — the first woman to undergo Navy Seal training. “G.I. Jane” highlights several obstacles women and non-binary people face when occupying “traditional male roles,” reaching a demographic often dehumanized and underrepresented.

Marginalized & Muted “Why are you so angry?” is often a question asked to silence a demographic subjected to mistreatment by the majority. Mainstream American culture uses the hypermasculinization of black people for entertainment. In the movie “G.I. Jane”, Jordan O’Neal shaves her brown locks, proving that she’s “one of the guys” and negating what’s perceived

as feminine. In attempts to combat harmful preconceptions, black women often silence their pleas — falling into the trap that repels them from rising toward the top. Defying the odds, Betherny Williams is the first black woman to earn Director of Streets for the city of St. Louis, Missouri. In the words of Williams, “There have been times where I felt the need to silence my voice. I found myself in the male-dominated world of civil engineering, questioning myself. Will they respect me? Will they hear what I am saying? There are times when I want to silence myself but if you want to see a change you have to speak up.” As a woman of color with the status of authority, Williams is affected by racism and sexism. “When you set standards for people, have boundaries and expectations people label you as the ‘angry black woman,” Williams said. “As the first African-American female in this role, it is different. It is unfriendly territory I am stepping into.” Williams is a vital voice for women and people of color. Williams resisted what people perceived her to be, positioning herself to succeed.

As she said, “It’s important that black women see

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are Black women

Angry.

other black women in these roles to feel encouraged. My former boss said I wasn’t going to the top if I was stuck in that lab. He was right. I was complacent in my position. Instead of staying in my complacency, I challenged myself.” Black women are angry. The reason is apparent without explanation. While their white female counterparts rise to the top, black women have to applaud while left with a halfempty justice. Black women have to shout for their voices to be considered. Black women continuously fight a battle without armor granted.

Black women are objectified as women and people of color. Instead of resisting “the angry black woman,” she needs to be embraced.

Don’t Listen To G.I. Joe “G.I. Jane” showcases a woman who refused society’s perception and bias. The film highlights an argument that women who internalize misogyny can blind themselves from their skills. Dianne Lynch, president of Stephens College, grew up in an era where gender roles were an integral part of society.

Those forced norms constructed a being denying the natural inclination of the social norm. “I was in the third grade and went to Catholic school,” Lynch explained. “The nun came into the classroom and said the boys would be leaving in a couple of weeks to serve mass. I raised my hand and said, ‘I want to do that.’ My teacher said I could not and explained that there are only alter boys, not alter girls. I was sent over to Father Gary, which was terrifying. He explained to me very kindly, ‘Boys serve mass and girls get to clean and vacuum the chapel.’ I said back to Father Gary, ‘I don’t want to vacuum for Jesus. I want to be an altar boy.’” This defining moment compelled President Lynch to not limit herself based on the assertions of others. She continued, “I grew up in an era where girls had specific lanes that they were supposed to stay in. There was bias and the whole notion that girls could not do certain things, but for whatever reason, I never believed it.” As president of a historical women’s college and previous journalist for USA Today and ABCNews, Lynch

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refuses to see herself through the lenses of those who possess preconceived beliefs of what women can and cannot do — making her the remarkable woman she is today. Combating misogyny and sexism starts with the people afflicted by it.

Women and non-binary people have to silence the voices that are amplified and not risk falling into the belief of a false perception.

Non-binary People at War With The Patriarchy The voices of gender non-conforming people go unnoticed. Non-binary people’s independence from societal standards causes ostracization and dismissal for their experiences with misogyny.

In the film “G.I. Jane,” Jordan O’Neil refuses the conformity of societal regulations that dictate how men and women behave. The audience witnesses the hostility Jordan undergoes — highlighting the idea that people hate what’s not understood. “G.I. Jane” is by no means a representation of non-binary people. Yet, the film unveils a small portion of the neglect concerning their suffering. Jadyn Graves is a sophomore majoring in digital filmmaking

at Stephens College and identifies as nonbinary. Graves speaks on their experiences with misogyny. “In relationships, people categorize me as a girl and use ‘she/her pronouns. I take note of it and if someone has a heteronormative view of me. A part of me still identifies as a black woman because that is a part of me I can’t let go of and the world will always view me as a black woman.”

Graves notices the neglect non-binary people face in American mainstream media. Graves states, “Entertainment media is still working on even attempting to portray non-binary people.

Once minorities get representation, it’s like the representation solely exists for representation.

A lot of non-binary characters have no depth outside of them being non-binary.” Graves expects to bring a narrative to mainstream media that’s neglected and overlooked. Graves states, “ I just want to create stories. I want to be able to put people of color and minorities in the same situations as white and cisgender people. Media is an escape from reality. But for people of color and minorities, entertainment is uber-realistic and trauma-induced. We do not have the luxury to escape.”

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My Assertiveness Should Not Be Sexualized The “spicy Latina” is a trope that plays into the fetishization of Latin women. Expressing assertiveness as a woman or person of color entails stigmatization and sexualization. The spicy Latina trope dates back to the 1920s with actress Lupe Velez and persists today with Sofia Vergara, in “Modern Family.” These women play a vital role in the representation of minorities, but their characters center around racial stereotypes. Bitter success is an ideal term for the several minorities who have to personify the media’s perception of them to be seen. Judith Rojas,a senior majoring in digital filmmaking, serves as president of Stephens Organization for Latina Students (SOLS) at Stephens College. Rojas is a reconnecting indigenous Mexican and firstgeneration American-born.

Rojas has undergone societal prejudice and is a victim of American media’s false portrayal of Latinx

people. “It’s frustrating,” Rojas said. “We are narrowed down to these two-dimensional people.

For example, the spicy Latina creates a prototype of how the model minority should look and act.

‘You sure you are a Latina?’ Some people do not realize that we all do not look like Sofia Vergara, Eva Longoria, or Salma Hayek.” Rojas cultivated a passion for filmmaking — amplifying the voices of those unheard. “I want to start my own production company, where I only hire people who come from marginalized communities,” Rojas explained. “I am tired of seeing misrepresentation. I want to focus on Latin Americans — a demographic that consumes media, but is vastly underrepresented.

They interchange us. They put white characters in the roles made for us. They think that they can flip us around.” The spicy Latina is not a promiscuous woman with anger issues but a person of color whose justified distress is sexualized. She is the victim of mainstream media’s attempts to make her into a punchline.

“You sure you ” ? a n i t a L a are

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While the 94th Academy Awards sparked global outrage, it also called attention to a movie that displayed a woman who rejected what the general public wanted her to be. G.I. Jane is angry. G.I. Jane is not going to silence her voice. G.I. Jane’s rage is not for others to objectify. G.I. Jane is not a

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COOKING

11 P PM

hank you for joining us for dinner this evening.

Please enjoy the tasting.

Course 1 | Savorless with Age

tedious / stuck in a slump / daydreaming of better possibilities Course 2 | Noshes and Yule-Holes

trapped indoors / binging diets / mind-altering experience Course 3 | Finger Bowl change / becoming anew / transformation Course 4 | Mid Simmer

blossoming development / discovering techniques / growing Course 5 | Ambrosial Existence

close relationship with your body / healthy in your own terms / “you”

Story by Lydia Graves Photography by Morgan McCall Illustrations by Madison Moore

EXPERIMENT

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10mg Precooked: Food is essential. That’s a given. But something we also take for granted is the way we nourish our body. Today, so many people find the word “diet” unfavorable. “Diet” and “healthy” are vocab that have been minced and baked into a recipe with unappetizing connotations. Stephens College senior, Madison Moore suggests that “health” has been carved into her as the idea of measuring exact portions for each meal like “My Plate” or the food pyramid suggests. Health should not be this intimidating. To a degree, the word does mean greens and proteins, yes, but true healthful eating is more about supplying the body with the nutrients it craves than anything else.

Katie Funk, a Virginia-based nurse practitioner, finds that many of her adult patients’ chronic medical conditions stem from poor diet. “They were often 100% unwilling to discuss changing their diet and took a ‘just give me a pill instead’ mindset. Many of them would understand that their diets contribute to their overall poor health but simply not care to change it. ‘You have to die of something’ is a phrase I’ve heard too many times. I would attempt to counsel them on ways to adjust their diets, but every suggestion is met with an excuse as to why this wasn’t possible or they were unwilling.”

Why are we so hesitant to make the change for improvement? Our modern-day connotation simmers down heavily to teaching. Most everyone has had the health class that instructs food to be guarded or calculated. Many times it’s the same teachings at home, with parents or guardians restricting their children’s meals until they complete homework, kneading it into a reward rather than a necessity. Some of us have even experienced a drastic opposite with home life with parental figures often drilling their children to eat everything off of the plate before being excused from the dinner table. “‘Healthy’ doesn’t mean much to healthy children. They haven’t ever known or seen anything different so it’s an assumed baseline,” says Funk, who is a mother of two. Childhood

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development is crucial to an individual’s relationship with food. Those taught to restrict or force eating could very well face disorders later in life, whereas a child taught choice and benefits of various foods will grow with a much more successful outlook and habits.

“[Health is] understanding what you’re taking in and being conscious of [what you consume]. Being able to enjoy things, and not be restrictive, is good.”

- Madison Moore Then, enter the second course. We have all these jumbled feelings and preconceived ideas in our stand mixer, then we add in a generous pinch of isolation. The pandemic was hectic, but it taught us a lot. Many of us relearned ourselves.

In a portion of this development, food was on the mind. Many thoughts sprouted: how we eat, how much we consume, where we eat from, and–bottom line–what are we eating?

Moore mentioned that as COVID-19 dragged on, she began to cook. She retaught herself to be healthy. “[Health is] understanding what you’re taking in and being conscious of [what you consume]. Being able to enjoy things, and not be restrictive, is good,” she says.

Rather than forcing preconceived notions down the throat, it became nourishment. She learned her likes and dislikes more thoroughly, making time for a proper meal within the confinement of quarantine. “[There also comes some] acceptance that there’s no perfect way to be healthy,” she says.

The experience was like the quintessential appetizer at a nice restaurant–shared. An abundance of people found their life dredged in the idea of food. For a majority, this became a wave of self-taught home-cooks.

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63g Scrambled: Schuedules can be crazy. I’m literally in between classes, sitting in my car writing this while thinking onward about the rest of my jam-packed day.

Dax Driskill understands as well. He knows firsthand it can be difficult to live a healthful life, but emphasizes that “you have to prioritize your time.” As a police officer for the city of Des Moines, his schedule can range from steady night shifts or a series of 12-hour days. He lives by his own advice: “Every day is a series of small decisions.”

That being said, his daily schedule always mixes in a trip to the gym and grazing healthy snacks–reaching for greek yogurt or protein shakes–throughout the day.

Meal prep, as mundane as it might sound, can be very beneficial. This doesn’t have to be boring or involve the same meal every day. Rather, it can be utilizing one or two ingredients in several

dishes that are prepped and ready for the week.

Take apples, for instance, in a more snack-friendly example. The one ingredient can be used with peanut butter, on its own, or in a salad.

It is a common misconception that eating well means eating less. Many believe it is cutting things out of the daily diet. However, this large lifestyle alteration can be chopped into relatively small changes. As Bamboo Nutrition owner and nutritionist Isabelle Bouchard suggests, a person could drizzle in lifestyle adjustments such as “thinking of foods they can add to their repertoire of food rather, than cutting things out, improving mindfulness around meal and snack times, and paying attention (and honoring) your hunger and fullness cues.”

There are so many misconceptions of nutritious eating. Many of these boil over to overuse and misuse of wording. “‘Healthy’ has become an overused word in the diet culture world.

“Professionally when I describe a food as healthy, I mean nutritious—this food provides my body with a variety of nutrients and helps meet my energy needs. I do not use the word healthy very often, rather I describe food as nutritionally adequate or not. For example, eating carrots alone for a meal is not nutritionally adequate, although someone may describe carrots as ‘healthy,’’’ Bouchard says.

97% DV Sapid, (in the best way): It sounds cheesy (no pun intended), but food should be your friend. Choose to be around those that aid, nourish and strengthen you.

Occasionally, of course, you might want to hang out with that friend who is a little adventurous and you love despite knowing you will wake up with a headache the next day. This is perfectly OK. Eating healthy is not restrictive. But it is not over-indulgent either. Every day, decide to make choices that will improve your mind, body and overall happiness. Put your health and self first. SL

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*Consuming less than or more than you actually desire in or der to please other s may be, in tur n, disrespecting your self and your needs. A busy schedule can pose potential har m. However, it is possible to treat your self well and listen to your body. We hope all tasted delectable and appreciate your time and attention this evening.

A l l i n g r e d i e n t s we r e e t h i c a l l y s o u r c e d a n d prepared for your enjoyment. T he cour se pair s well with utilization, a wealth of appetite, or the approachable mer lot, if you please.

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issue credits Cover Photography: Morgan McCall Illustrations: Morgan McCall Model: Arika Smith Color Pages First: Jaedyn Colvin Last: Mia “Mage” Dozier Letter From the Editor and Table of Contents Copy: Madison Moore Layout: Madison Moore Staff Lineup Photography: Savana “SJ” Johnson + Morgan McCall Editing: Savana “SJ” Johnson Layout: Elyse Clayton Vogue Photography: Jadyn Graves Editing: Jadyn Graves Layout: Jadyn Graves Models: Komachi Miyazaki, + Marie Olear Styling: Kennedy Brown + Jadyn Graves Assistant: Morgan McCall Illustrations: Madison Moore Skin to Skin Photography: Savana “SJ” Johnson Editing: Savana “SJ” Johnson Layout: Savana “SJ” Johnson Models: Madison Green Styling: Madison Green Assistant: Maggie Lowery Illustrations: Madison Moore Comfort Zone Photography: Mia “Mage” Dozier Editing: Mia “Mage” Dozier Layout: Jaedyn Colvin Models: Ryann Jenkins-LeFlore Styling: Mia “Mage” Dozier Illustrations: Savana “SJ” Johnson Parental Guidance Photography: Morgan McCall Editing: Morgan McCall Layout: Morgan McCall Models: Arika Smith, Jadyn Graves + Lydia Graves Styling: Arika Smith, Jadyn Graves + Lydia Graves Assistant: Hope Daugherty Illustrations: Morgan McCall

Embracing the Opposite Photography: Naya Goodman Editing: Naya Goodman + Elyse Clayton Layout: Elyse Clayton Models: Duncan Elder, Emilee Frasier, Devin Leming, Morgan McCall + Nylah Strong Styling: Alex Jockisch Assistant: Elyse Clayton + Morgan McCall It’s Not a Dog Layout: Elyse Clayton Illustrations: Jaedyn Colvin + Assistance from the Children’s School at Stephens College Dear Diary Photography: Savana “SJ” Johnson Editing: Savana “SJ” Johnson Layout: Ryann Jenkins-LeFlore Models: Elani McClaire + Sina Schmidt Assistant: Ryann Jenkins-LeFlore Illustrations: Savana “SJ” Johnson Why Does My Head Feel Like It’s Going to Explode?

Photography: Mia “Mage” Dozier Editing: Mia “Mage” Dozier Layout: Komachi Miyazaki Models: Hannah Salee Styling: Mia “Mage” Dozier + Komachi Miyazaki Illustrations: Morgan McCall + Komachi Miyazaki It was a GI Jane Joke!

Photography: Jadyn Graves Editing: Jadyn Graves Layout: Jadyn Graves Models: Vivienne Matsoukas, Syd Bolden, Melissa Martinez + Sofia Ramos Styling: Mia “Mage” Dozier Illustrations: Mia “Mage” Dozier 11pm Cooking Experiment Photography: Morgan McCall Editing: Morgan McCall Layout: Morgan McCall Models: Jaedyn Colvin, Madison Moore, + Naya Goodman Styling: Morgan McCall, Jaedyn Colvin, Madison Moore, Naya Goodman + Lydia Graves Assistant: Savana “SJ” Johnson Illustrations: Madison Moore

Stephens Life / Fall 2022 / Issue No. 21

Callow [cal-low] (adj.)

Lacking adult sophistication.

t o n d n a Young . e f i l n i d e c n e i r e exp

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