GABRIELA JOHNSON A Crappy High School Play

A CRAPPY HIGH SCHOOL PLAY

By Gabriela Johnson

Characters: NARRATOR- male, cheerful yet passive aggressive disembodied voice

BOY- teenage high school student, quiet and mysterious ‘bad boy’, rebel who gets outstanding grades and is a poet with great self-esteem and an interest in classical literature and extremely talented at playing guitar and writing music, wears leather jacket GIRL- teenage high school student, clumsy but only sometimes, mousey yet beautiful, great student, lots of close friends but no real self-esteem so she’s picked on by the POPULAR GIRLS even though she’s beautiful and highly successful around school

TEACHER- middle-aged woman, has both students in the class yet is so oblivious to their growing romance that she’s appalled when they end up together. MOTHER OF GIRL- sweet, understanding, fairly normal, typically interrupting a conversation or monologue midway to fit protective mom role.

FATHER OF GIRL- school principle, stoic, disapproving of relationships at all costs FRIEND OF GIRL- teenage girl, quiet sidekick of the GIRL, only present at the end of the story. THE POPULAR GUY- teenager, athlete, football quarterback star THE POPULAR GIRLS- a small group of 3 or 4, doesn’t really matter although one must be appointed leader, and they all must be blonde and adorned in pink and glitter because apparently that’s popular

Setting A high school. The present. Lights up to an empty stage. Students holding backpacks walking and chatting in groups begin to fill the stage as disembodied narration begins.

NARRATOR We set the scene in a modern high school hallway. The students lollygag and gossip before class starts. Here the story begins, an annoying stereotypical love story between a teen boy and a girl. I’m here to guide you along the way, although everything that happens from here on out is quite basic and rather predictable. So, sit back, relax, and ill wake you up when it’s over. (School bell rings out) Act 1, Scene 1. (As this is spoken, BOY is revealed to be sitting in a corner, listening to headphones, sketching in a notebook. GIRL enters holding many books though her backpack is clearly empty and walks through other students without looking up, (a.k.a a disaster is waiting to happen). As students rush off stage, BOY and GIRL bump into one another scattering books across the floor. They bend over to pick them up and their hands meet.) BOY Oh sorry. Guess I didn’t see you there. GIRL Oh, it-it’s fine. Uh-I’m used to people not seeing me.

BOY Well, that’s strange, I think, you’re beautiful. (Awkwardly pushed her hair behind her ear) GIRL (Unnecessary pause) Wow, thank you! I’ve never gotten complimented, ever. You just became the sweetest guy I’ve ever met! BOY I mean, I’ve never really noticed you until now, but that’s probably only because I’m always in corners, wearing beanies, writing poetry and music, being mysterious and whatnot. GIRL I love music! You just became the sweetest, most artistic, most talented guy I’ve ever met.

BOY Thanks. I have also never been complimented so your opinion means a whole lot to me. Maybe not as much as mine meant to you, but close. Wait, you like music? You’re so different from other girls.

GIRL Yeah, I don’t wear a whole lot of pink so I guess I’m not popular. Maybe it’s because I read a book every now and then… BOY

A girl? That reads?

Yeah, weird right? GIRL

BOY Yes, completely. Apparently teenagers in high school reading is unheard of… but I like it! You know, you like music. You must really get me. Want to go out sometime? GIRL With you? But you’re wearing a leather jacket! I’m not poplar girl.

(Enter the POPULAR GIRLS headed by their leader. They walk by the couple making comments about the girl’s attire and push her books down once again.) BOY I know you’re not popular. I also don’t mean an actual date. I was thinking of throwing pebbles at your window really late at night so maybe we could talk or something. (School bell rings. TEACHER appears across the stage.) TEACHER BOY! There you are! Typical for you to be late for class. BOY Actually, this is my first tardy this year. In my defense, it’s the first day of school

TEACHER (Sarcastically) Of Course it is! Well, you got detention young man. It’s that leather jacket! Its makes you look like you are up to trouble.

BOY Well I’m not. Just talking to this girl, (pause for effect) the most perfect girl in the world. You see I’m in love. (Turns to GIRL) I know we’ve only known each other for a short amount of time, it feels like 5 minutes, but I know you’re the one. GIRL Oh, you couldn’t possibly fall in love with a girl like me. I’m just plain old me. I read for God’s sake! BOY You’re all I’ve ever wanted! But if we’re going to elope, we’ve got to do it now!

GIRL This is all happening so fast! I think I’m pregnant. (Pregnant pause)

NARRATOR Ahh, always my favorite part to stop the scene. Such a high intensity moment in any stereotypical teenage girl’s life: getting asked out for the first time. Although, this one seemed a bit more intense than any other occurrence would be. Moving on to the date! Or shall I say, the forbidden date? Really, no one cares, let’s just move on. I’ll set the scene, the outside of GIRL’s house, 2am, he’s right on time. (Meanwhile, a small setup is being prepared to represent a bedroom in a house, and the yard down below.)

BOY (Throwing pebbled at her window) Hey, you up? (GIRL Appears at window in pjs looking like a more accurate and realistic mess) GIRL Oh! You’re here! Uh, it might take me a minute to get ready, I guess, but I’ll be right down! Just let me- BOY No need for that! I wrote you a song! (Boy pulls out a guitar and breaks out into raspy grunge metal melody.) BOY (CONT.) “The stars, your eyes, the moon, in my dreams we fly, away. . . Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby . . .”

(Floodlights turn on and GIRL’s parents appear) FATHER OF GIRL What’s going on out here? (Looks at BOY) I know you boy! You’re that Johnson boy that hangs out at the Dairy Queen! BOY Actually, I’m lactose intolerant and gluten free. I wouldn’t be caught dead at a DG! I’m offended. FATHER OF GIRL Oh, then, pardon me. But get off my property before I call the police!

BOY But, sir, I’m in love with your daughter! MOTHER OF GIRL I remember my first romance, it seems like such a long time ago. Life was different back then… (Continues to babble)

FATHER OF GIRL (Cutting her off) There’s no time for that now! You better get going, son. By the look of that leather, you aren’t good enough to date my daughter.

GIRL (Still interjecting form the window) Mom! Dad! Enough! I love him and nothing you say can change my mind. FATHER OF GIRL

I simply won’t allow it.

GIRL Gosh, dad! I’m 16 years old you can’t tell me what to do, I’m not a child.

(Cue soft melodramatic music: lights dim)

GIRL (CONT.) I know you want me to be that little girl that used to play hop GIRL (CONT.) scotch in the yard, but I’m a woman now, dad! (Long pause, father begins to quietly sob, breaking stoic persona and revealing classic dad reaction to puberty) GIRL (CONT.) I’ve got my own ideas and emotion! I’ve got needs, dad! (Scene pauses and actors freeze.) NARRATOR Stop! Stop! Ugh, my least favorite part of the play! So dramatic. Goodnight, go to bed, its two in the morning. I don’t want to hear it. No one wants to hear it. So we move on to the third and final act: the breakup. (Resetting the stage for the school hallway. Once again, students socialize in the hallway, purposely ignoring the dramatic conversation between BOY and GIRL. Throughout unison lines the actors gesture and sob.) BOY AND GIRL UNSION It’s not you it’s me. We really rushed into things and, I don’t know. I’m just not ready for someone as great as you. I’ve got a lot of growing up to do and I don’t want to hold you back in any way. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. YOLO, you know? GIRL Wait, so we’re breaking up. It’s that easy? It’s not at all the same as things they show on TV. All those movies and plays makes everything so dramatic, it’s ridiculous!

BOY Yeah. It’s so unfortunate that we had to break up so soon. I would’ve really liked to get to know you. You inspired my music in ways I never thought possible. You read and like music! That’s amazing. Though we only knew each other briefly, you’ll always be a very important person to me. I’d love to stay friends.

GIRL Wow, yeah, me too. It’s nice to know I’ll always have someone to help pick my books up whenever I’m feeling down. BOY Well, it’s been swell meeting you. By the way, I, uh, never got your name.

GIRL How classic of me! Always so forgetful. My name is – (POPULAR BOY enters loudly and obnoxiously) POPULAR BOY Hey shawty! How’s about me and you hit up the cafeteria and I’ll buy you a soda pop? (GIRL melts immediately and follows POULAR BOY offstage, heartlessly abandoning BOY. BOY pops leather jacket collar and turns, immediately bumping into FRIEND OF GIRL. The stack of books she was carrying sprawl across the hall. When they bend over to pick them up, their hands touch.) BOY Oh, sorry. Guess I didn’t see you there.

FRIEND OF GIRL Oh, it-it’s fine. Uh-I’m used to people not seeing me. I’m usually a sidekick. I’m a friend of that girl, over there! (Points toward GIRL who stands dreamily next to POPULAR GUY who’s surrounded by POPULAR GIRLS) BOY Well, that’s strange, I think, you’re beautiful. (Awkwardly pushes her hair behind her ear) GIRL

Uhm, don’t touch me. (Actors exit stage.)

Art by: Erix Pizano