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Diversity! Welcome to the first issue of STAND/OUT ™. Our goal is to create a magazine that shows the diversity of queer youth. We all do different things and we are proud of it! This issue we have a queer scientist studying a PhD in biology, lesbian baker, trans-man animator, and a gay web designer. A big thank you to Nathan, Angela, Kestin, Clint and everybody in Rainbow Youth, the magazine would not exist without you guys. Thank you Dawn O’Connor from New Zealand AIDS Foundation for your support. STAND/OUT is created, designed and published by Benny Chan. Printed by CMYK Signs & Digital Printing Ltd, Botany South, Auckland. © 2009 Benny Chan. For more infomation you can contact STAND/OUT at +64.(0)212650569. Choice. The model on the cover is the amazing colourful Clint Woolly, shot by amateur photographer Benny Chan.

CONTENTS Nathan Deed p4

Angela Killerby p8

Kestin Stewart p10

Clint Wooly p16

Rainbow Youth p20

HOLDING THE MAN (Review) p22

Party Pics!! p28





Nuclei stained with DAPI, a fluorescent dye that binds DNA in the nucleus. What you see are nuclei from the plant Arabidopsis. Nathan’s own images.

This is Nathan in his lab working. Managed to get in and take photos of him while he works.

Nathan is a 22-year old PhD student studying molecular biology at the University of Auckland. He is open about his sexuality and often calls himself a gay scientist. Nathan loves shopping and is also very fun to be around with. He also loves cute Japanese games like Loco Roco. Tell me a little bit about yourself Umm. I’m Nathan. I am a PhD student in University of Auckland. What are your current projects? I study plant molecular biology. My PhD is investigating how auxin triggers cell expansion in plants. Auxin is a hormone essential for plant growth and development, and plants are made up of heaps of cells. Auxin binds a protein called ABPI to induce cell expansion, and therefore plant growth, but it is not well known what signalling changes this binding causes, in order to result in cell expansion. I’m growing lots of plants, including a mutant for ABPI, and will extract proteins from cells to see what’s happening. What sort of plants are they? Arabidopsis, it’s what biologists call a ‘model’ organism because it’s used to investigate general plant processes, and is easy to work with, lots is known about it. Do you enjoy what you do?

Yes! It’s great, I love working in the lab, everyone is really nice and supportive and I like being at uni, I like academia, I like learning. Hehe, sounds like you live at uni.. Hehe, but I live at home! *laughs* How is it like to be a scientist and gay? It’s good. For me, it’s quite nice because I know quite a few other gay people at the lab that I work in. Last year, there were five gay people in my lab and everyone is very accepting. so it’s really nice. Wow! There are quite a lot of queer people in your lab, how many people are there in your lab? Umm.. Maybe 20? Five out of twenty, that is quite a lot of people, that is one quarter of people. That is quite unusual because people often depict gay people with the art and design industry. There are heaps of gay people in biology.



How do you feel about that? It’s good. What made you want to become a scientist? What inspired you? I guess I was always interested in it, I was always interested in biology at school and I was also influenced by my sister who was also studying biology and I thought it sounds very good and very interesting. I grew up very interested in science. When I was young, I was very interested in space and also dinosaurs. I was obsessed with dinosaurs. I was really interested in chemistry at school. It was my favourite subject. chemistry and art. In 7th Form, chemistry was my favourite subject. But for uni, I chose biology because I thought there were better career opportunities in biology. If you could go back in time, would you go for chemistry or would you stick with biology? I would stick with Biology. I really love Biology and I am very happy with the lab that I work in. Besides the five queer students in your lab alone, are there any queer lecturers in your Biology building? Well, I know there are two lesbians. I don’t know any gay male lecturers… Well, there was one, but he left. I guess it is quite common for biologists to be queer. Are you out? Yes. To your family also? Yes. What is the experience of coming out? It was a positive experience for me, before coming out I was in denial about my sexuality, but when I came out, my family was so supportive and didn’t consider it a big deal at all, and I feel good being gay! It’s cool to be gay! *laughs* What are your hobbies? I love playstation!! I have a PS2, PSP and Nintendo DS. I love RPGs, Final Fantasy is awesome, and games with cute characters. Japanese games! Loco Roco on PSP is really cool. I also read fantasy novels, like.. Harry Potter. Oh, and shopping! What do you shop for? I like clothes, fashion. Ooh, any particular brands? Ben Sherman, Firetrap, Diesel, Calvin Klein, Lacoste.. Ah, cool. Do you think gay guys love shopping? I think so, definitely! n



These images show bands of genes amplified from cDNA. RNA was extracted from Arabipodsis and cDNA was made from the RNA.



This is Angela Killerby. She identifies herself as a lesbian baker. Her talent is baking and she is really good at it! Tell me a little bit about yourself I’m Angela. I am a student at MIT studying a baking course. What sorts of stuff do you bake? All sorts of cakes like cheesecakes and wedding cakes, muffins, et cetra. Nice! Sounds yum! Yeah, you should try some of the cupcakes I baked yesterday. Do you enjoy what you do? Baking? Hell yeah! I also really enjoy decorating cakes. I can make a life-like rose out of red icing, doves out of white icing, oh and during a friend’s birthday around Christmas time last year, I did a white Christmas themed cake. Basically it is a cake but it had white icing on top and the texture looks like real snow, on top of that, I’ve made an awesome snowman out of icing. He had a scarf and buttons and everything. He totally loved it!

Wow! Thats sounds amazing! I would be so afraid to cut it! Well, at the end of the day the cake would have to be eaten. True, a lot of straight guys love watching lesbians making out, do you have any views about that? I do believe lesbians making out is really hot. I guess that is much more accepting in public spaces to have lesbians making out instead of gay guys making out. It’s very stupid though, should be fine for gay guys too. If you were a crayon what colour would you be and why? Yellow, because I think yellow is a really happy colour!





Kestin identifies himself as a Trans-guy. Born a female, now a male. He uses hormonal treatment with testosterone to make him physically like a male. Tell me a little bit about yourself. I was born in Christchurch, that’s where I lived most of my life ‘til in moved up here to Auckland when I was 19 to go to animation school, which is something I really wanted to do at a young age. I started thinking about my gender identity when I was five years old, when I thought I wasn’t a girl but I didn’t have any concepts that I could magically turn into the opposite sex. The only option that I thought was to be a tomboy, so I was like that must be me and slipped into that ‘til my late teens when I started to think about it again and that is when I moved up here, when I was alone for the first time. It’s was the first time I left home, and I sat at on the computer, just started googling that “I have no gender!” and that’s when I found a community of people who identified the same way. So they call themselves “Intergendered”, like intersex but to do with gender. They also call themselves entrogens, which is androgynous-minded and bi-gendered. So that was first time I felt like I fitted in a box I guess and I was really like happy for once, physically speaking.

That is when I started researching about transgendered stuff from that point. Over the period of about eighteen months, I started reading more about transgendered topics. I also started to feel like I’m more on the masculine end of the gender spectrum. Then I indentified as ‘FTM’, which is female to male transsexual. Around that point, 18 months after first I moved up here to Auckland, ‘til about two years, when I came out to friends up here and, about that point is where I just started actively wanting to transition, so I had contact with the counsellor and specialists and did three months of counselling and went to see a psychiatrist. All this happened in the course of six months then I got the ‘OK’ to get testosterone, and I’ve been on that since August 21st 2008 and its been a year now! And you look completely like a guy! Yes! It took about four months before I passed as a guy. From three to four months, I was very ambiguous. And people at the counter were “um.. Hi Sir, no, Ma’am, um... Sir…”, you know, and I got weird looks in the women’s toilets *laughs*. It was horrible to be in the ambiguous stage, people treat you crap most of the times. They put you in an awkward spot.



One of Kestin’s commisioned works

What is a Trans-guy? Trans-guy is biologically born a female, and identified as a male. Can be used in any stage of transition. You don’t have to be on hormones to be identified as a Trans-guy. What are some of the changes that happen during transition? Basically you go through a male puberty just like any guys would have gone through, except some physical things won’t change. For example, I still have female reproductive organs and testosterone only makes my female reproductive organs dormant, it basically shuts them down, so periods stop. Is it a good thing for you that your periods stopped? Well, the periods never bothered me anyway, thankfully I don’t suffer from horrible cramps each month and I wasn’t bed-wetting or anything like that. I didn’t get huge emotional upswings. What do you do for work? I graduated from Freelance Animation School, since December last year. It is a three-year course then I’ll get a diploma in animation. The recession hit just when I graduated, that sucked. So it makes it very hard for me to get into the industry, but I have kept in good contact with my school as it is the best contact for work in this industry, and I’ve been teaching life drawing class in there since the beginning of the year, on Wednesday, Thursday evenings and Friday mornings. I have little jobs like design and drawing commissions. (You’ll find his work in Navel Family and Kamõ) Otherwise, I’ll be kept in the cleaning job, and when I haven’t been able to get enough money, that is when Work and Income come in *laughs*. What do you do in the local queer community? I’ve been volunteering at Rainbow Youth since November 2007, and this year, I was voted on the executive board for Rainbow Youth and made Secretary. So now I have an important role in Rainbow Youth, the only transgendered member on the executive board, and I represent all the transgendered related issues. I designed the posters for the 20th Anniversary for the Gala event, and the tickets, and little bits of pieces here and there. What is it like to be a Transgender within the queer community?

generation are much more open-minded and more exposed to transgendered topics than previous generations. And any difference within the heterosexualdominated community? Up here in Auckland, it’s really the Animation School community and the Rainbow Youth community. I much prefer the queer community; in terms of I’m much more comfortable with it. I am free to be myself in all ways and I do not feel the need to explain my behavior. I do act non-gender conformity. When I am around mostly straight men, I feel less at ease to mention my favourite movies like Titanic *laughs*. As I said, I like Titanic because Kate Winslet gets naked. I find myself censoring what I say a lot more around straight people. In your work place, do people know you are a transsexual? Not at all, they might think I’m gay, but a lot of the time I pass as a straight man most of the time. Which is funny *laughs*, from a butch lesbian to a straight guy. Generally, people would not know unless I told them. If people say they did know or they could tell? I don’t think they could. I think they’re just saying that because they don’t like the idea that they’ve been fooled, but it’s not just about the fooling. You said before the interview that you go around schools representing Rainbow Youth. What do you do when you go around schools? I help out as Priscilla’s education coordinator and she goes around to schools teaching them about sexuality and gender identity. So I go there with her, to give my coming out story. Were they shocked that you’re a trans. *laughs* That’s funny because it depends on the place, the location of the schools. I’ve recently just been to Mangere College, which is in South Auckland, and Epsom Girls College, which is in Epsom, which is in Central Auckland. When I say that I was born a female to kids in Mangere College, they were like in HUGE SHOCK! Like silence and just “what?!?”, and for the girls in Epsom they were just seems to “meh.”, but they generally are surprised though but not showing too much, which is quite funny. I like shocking people with it, because it’s fun to challenge people’s ideas about gender, and that it’s not fixed. If you were a crayon, what colour would it be? Red! It’s my favourite colour! n

I think I am quite fortunate because Rainbow Youth, in terms of socialising sphere, is quite open, and also the younger








Clint grew up in Papua New Guinea and Australia, now New Zealand for nearly 10 years. He is currently a co-facilitator of I.D. (Identity) as well as on the executive board members for Rainbow Youth. Clint was the president for UniQ Auckland and enjoys being a queer peer support leader. Tell me a little more about yourself.

Do you speak a lot of languages?

Umm.. I don’t know where to begin! I grew up in Papua New Guinea, I have lived in New Zealand for ten years now and my parents are mixed race, so I’m very mixed race. Have a lot of cultural heritage that I cherish. And for example, whenever I have to do a census and they ask you what ethnicity you are, I have no idea, I tick all the boxes that apply because I don’t identify with one specific race.

I speak two fluently, and I can understand two others. At the university I was learning Spanish and French. And I’ve learnt a little of Te Reo Maori.

Some people just tick New Zealander. But then I’m not really a New Zealander, because I was born in Australia. I’ve studied web site design, I’ve worked for a bank, looking after their website, do a lot of promo sort of charity website design stuff, as well as a few paid sites that I get every once in a while when I have some spare time. I do a lot of volunteer work, a lot of charity work. I love helping youth and, in particular, queer youth and helping them come to terms with who they are. Helping them through that journey. Yeah. I love to travel. I love languages and, I love cultures.

How do you describe your orientation? So, sexual orientation, I suppose would be gay. No real attraction towards females in that regard. Gender identity, I consider myself gender queer. I mainly identify with masculine gender identity, at the same time I do like exploring my female gender identity so just sort of fluid in between for right now. You called yourself gender queer earlier before the interview, what is Gender Queer? So, gender queer, or sort of gender ambiguous, it is like a middle ground between the masculine and the feminine. You’re quite comfortable expressing the two genders, or one or the other, depending on the situation. There is a different one, another term called, gender neutral, which is like almost androgynous. Not exhibiting, any one particular gender or any gender at all. Just a general blank slate which is definitely not me, because I like to



show myself off I suppose.

What is it like to come out?

Do you get offended if someone goes That’s gay! If they don’t like something?

Well,.. really long, painful process.

Personally, no, I don’t get offended by it. If people do get offended, I understand why they are feeling it. It all ties into bullying. Like verbal bullying, sexual harassment is a really painful issue for youth, using terms like “that’s gay!” reinforces that verbal harassment. If it is okay to say that “its so gay!” then what is not okay?

It was. It was a big struggle for me because for me I come from a big family, and family is the key thing.

What is Rainbow Youth and what do you do at Rainbow Youth? I volunteer primarily for Rainbow Youth and Rainbow Youth is a Auckland based organisation and we do things around queer youth like, providing education in secondary schools primarily, about the queer identity and gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, all of those things.. fa’afafine, and takataapui.. and just educating the youth that all these other labels do exist, identities do exist and if you are not sure what you are, than there are things out there you may not realised and feel more closer identifying with Rainbow Youth. We go out to schools and have work shops that we present. We also do advocacy from time to time with many things that are youth related, queer youth in particular, with Government or Government Departments that support queer youth. We have youth groups we run to support our youth as they are going through their identity journey. What sort of groups is there? Currently running, we have three groups. Two are just general queer youth groups, one is sort of for high school age youth called Generation Queer (GQ), and there is I.D. that is university aged and older youth that is for 18 to 27. They are social peer support groups. Our third group is Gender Quest, which is our gender questioning and trans youth group. We have a North Shore group we are trying to start up again and we are currently training new facilitators for that. We are looking to start up a West Auckland group, South Auckland group and East Auckland group to be out there and provide safe spaces for youth to meet, explore who they are and be comfortable and safe. What is it like working for Rainbow Youth? It is a really fun environment, there are people from all walks of life, and you don’t have to be lesbian, bisexual, transgender and et cetera to go. We have straight people that are there and they love to help out.



Very hard wasn’t it?

How big is the family? Quite big, because it is a Pacific family *giggles* so it’s a big family. Cousins and aunties and uncles and more cousins! The biggest fear for me was coming out and everyone disowning me because my family is very important to me. My family is sort of a rock, security and if I don’t have my family, I would be all depressed and confused, anything could happen. It was a long process for me so I come to terms with myself to be confident of who I am to approach them. Rainbow Youth helped me in that regard because I have so many friends, that is like my secondary rock. A base that I could stand on steady and approach my family and tell them. Thankfully and luckily, they were quite fine with it and no issues at all. My parents said to me that “It’s your life; if this makes you happy then we support you.” They were very supportive. Are you out at work? What is it like? Yes. My current job I am out, that is people are aware that I am gay. More recently, during Dancing with the Stars, I sent an email out to our floor administration person asking her if she could circulate a letter, an email on my behalf, where I asked if people could send a vote for Tamati (a contestant on Dancing with the Stars), to help Rainbow Youth win, and she basically forwarded my email that I wrote to her to the whole division that I am a part of... something like five hundred people, and I went a bit in depth about my involvement in Rainbow Youth and why I am so involved in Rainbow Youth and all that. So... Everyone knows I am gay now. *laughs* Oh dear… But I was already comfortable with it at work and my immediate team that I work with, they all know and have known since I started working there and it’s not an issue thankfully. I don’t regard it as an issue. I have had people in the past say ‘stuff’ and I’m like, “yeah, I’m gay”, and then just move on, it doesn’t matter because there are people who are straight and people that are gay. As long I get my job done, what should it matter? Thankfully, it doesn’t happen in my job. n



Daniel Corey in the Rainbow Youth stall - Big Gay Out 2009

Rainbow Youth’s drop-in centre in central Auckland is open every weekday. Come along, hang out, meet new people, surf the web, check out our library of books and DVDs, and talk to our friendly staff. More Information 281 Karangahape Road, Newton, Auckland (Opposite NZ Post Shop/Artspace, between Heroes Comics & Newton Pharmacy) 10am ‘til 5pm, Monday to Friday The drop-in centre is sometimes closed during these hours if staff have to leave the building. If you’re making a special trip, call us first on (09) 376 4155 to make sure we’ll be open. The Rainbow Youth drop-in centre is smoke, alcohol and drug-free. It’s for queer youth, their friends and whanau, and anyone else interested in learning more about the queer community. Come to our support groups! :) Rainbow Youth has four social support groups in Auckland, offering people aged between 13 and 27 a chance to meet and hang out in an unpressured environment. Anyone can come over, whether you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, takataapui, fa’afafine, questioning or curious. We have people coming along from all parts of Auckland, from as far south as Manukau, up to as far north as Orewa.

GQ (Generation Queer) Under 20 year olds. GQ is a social support group for 20 year olds and under. Most people who come are at high school, but some are at uni and others are working. GQ meet very second Friday, 6pm ‘til 8.30pm. GQ is held at the Rainbow Youth Centre. I.D. (Identity) 18 - 27 Year olds. I.D. is a social support group for 18 to 27 year olds. Most people who come are at university and others are working. I.D. meet every Sunday 5pm onwards. We alternate between two venues: Kamo Cafe, 382 Karangahape Road and the Rainbow Youth Centre. If we’re meeting at the Rainbow Youth Centre there will be a sign at Kamo letting you know, and vice versa. Gender Quest Gender Quest is a social support group for youth questioning their gender identity or those who are not sure but would like to be in a supportive environment that affirms them regardless of how they identify. The meetings are every fourth Sunday of the month at the Rainbow Youth Centre. Queer4Shore (North Shore-based) Queer4Shore is a new social support group based in North Shore. Every Friday 3.30-5.30pm at Columbus Cafe, Smales Park, Takapuna.





Holding The Man is a story about Tim Conigrave’s life and the fifteen year relationship between him and John Caleo. This play is a stage version of the memoir published in 1995 by Penguin Books in Australia just a few months after Conigrave’s death. The book can be found in Rainbow Youth Centre’s library collection. The New Zealand cast for Holding The Man

The story recalls the love and loss, humour of life, in the perspective of a homosexual in 80’s and 90’s Sydney.

DAN MUSGROVE: Timothy Conigrave CHARLIE McDERMOTT: John Caleo and Houston Mission Control MICHELLE BLUNDELL: Phoebe, Eric, Bartender, Philip, Candidate, Voice Tutor and Valerie Bader ALISON BRUCE: Neil Armstrong, Mary-Gert Conigrave, Juliet, Rhys, Rose, Queen, Lois Caleo, Harry, NIDA Director, Actor, Doctor, Gia Carides and Doctor Shepherd ANDREW LAING: Neil Armstrong, Scarecrow, Dick Conigrave, Bob Caleo, Derge, Woody, Queen, Franco, Actor, Doctor and Peter Kingston MATT WHELAN: Kevin, Marie, Biscuit, Lee, Door Bitch, Peter Craig, Candidate, Fuck Actor, Paul, Richard, Ben Franklin and Waiter

My expectations for the play were high as the stage play had won numerous awards in Australia and always selling out in Sydney. When the play ended I was very satisfied and it greatly exceeded my expectations. The play is made up of two parts. Part one is humorous and had its laugh out loud moments, introducing the audience to how Tim and John meet. Tim falls in love with John, who is the leader of the school’s football team. Part two changed the entire atmosphere, engaging into the more serious issues. Both Tim and John were tested HIV positive, and John’s strong body quickly deteriorates, suffering lymphoma. Tim looks after him while having problems of his own. The audience is helplessly looking at the story moving into a tragic and devastating conclusion. The play is much more depressing and moving when you know this is a true story. Great play. Hopes it will come back again.




HIV Much more serious than you think.

What is the difference between HIV and AIDS? HIV stands for human immunodeficiency virus, HIV is a retrovirus which can infect the body and causes AIDS, which stands for aquired immune deficiency syndrome. There is no cure for HIV at the moment, and treatments can only delay the onset of AIDS. AIDS is when the virus becomes active and destroys the infected person’s immune system, which may occur many years after initial infection. AIDS results in a high risk of catching other infections, cancer and ultimately causes death How is HIV transmitted? HIV is only transmitted from infected person’s body fluids such as cum, pre-cum, breast milk, blood and mucous found in the rectum. Other fluids like saliva, sweat and urine do not have sufficient amounts of virus to infect a another person, Therefore, HIV can only be spread by having sex with another person, by breast-feeding babies, from a pregnant mother to child in the womb, and from blood to blood. What are the signs and symptoms? Initial infection with HIV will shows the same signs as people with weak a immune system. HIV destroys a type of white blood cells called CD4 T-cells. HIV causes a glandular fever-like disease that lasts a few days to weeks. Symptoms include unintentional weight loss, chronic diarrhoea, rashes particularly on face and genitals, night sweating, unusual tiredness, nausea, and swollen lymph glands in the neck, groin or armpits. These symptoms can be caused by conditions other than HIV, but you should get an HIV test if you experience some or all of these symptoms and especially you know you may been at risk from infection. After these early symptoms, the infection causes no symptoms often for many years or even decades. Therefore, no symptoms after the initial stage does not mean no infection. What is a HIV test? An HIV tests looks for the antibodies to HIV in the blood, which the body produces in response to HIV infection. Even though the test does not look for the virus, it is still very accurate. Please note that it can take up to three months after HIV infection for the body to produce enough antibodies to show up in the blood. This is known as ‘window period’. Tests done during this period may detect no antibodies, and you may appear free of HIV. Therefore, you should take the test three months after you think you may have run the risk of contracting HIV. Where can I get free HIV tests? Here are some Auckland-based centres that offer free HIV tests: Ponsonby - Burnett Centre (NZ Aids Foundation Centre) 35 Hargreaves Street, Ponsonby, Auckland. Ph (09) 309 5560 - Fax (09) 302 2338 Email: North Shore City 418 Glenfield Rd Glenfield (09) 443 2544

Auckland City Greenlane Clinical Centre Building 7, Level 3 Greenlane West Road (09) 307 2885 Mangere Mangere Health Centre 12 Waddon Place (09) 263 7604

West Auckland 362 Great North Road Henderson (09) 836 0838





HIV has no cure!

Kestin’s T-Party @ Kamo - One year of testosterone



Family Bar’s Fourth Birthday Party




Queer magazine for New Zealand queer youth