Cowley Magazine – Fall 2014

Volume 41 • Number 1

Fall 2014

IN THIS ISSUE FSJ Member, Peter Littlefield, Jr. shares evocative Notes in Retreat.

In his piece “Our Human Vocation,” Br. James Koester reveals the community’s hopes for the Monastic Intern Program at Emery House and the Brothers’ recently acquired Grafton House.

Life is busy inside and outside a monastery, and we all need to practice stopping. Br. Luke Ditewig offers concrete suggestions on how to stop, rest, period.

In 2015, the Brothers will celebrate SSJE’s founder, Richard Meux Benson.

In the article “Look to the Glory!” four men in the novitiate select a favorite quote from Father Benson and comment upon its meaning for them.

Br. Robert L’Esperance reflects on his journey to vowed life at the Monastery.

Letter from the Superior | Spotlight on Community Life

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Cover photo: The glory of a summer’s day at Emery House.

©2014 by The Society of Saint John the Evangelist, North America

A Letter A Letter from the from Superior the Superior Geoffrey Tristram, SSJE

Dear Members of the Fellowship of Saint John and other Friends,

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s I write this letter, we Brothers have just had our annual Community Retreat. This yearly time together gives us a chance to reflect on where we have been, as a community, over the last year, as well as to ask where God is calling us to venture in the year to come. Each year, we pick a theme that will focus our group reflections. This year’s retreat focused on “Time,” which seems to be such a preciously rare commodity in the western world today. It’s a theme that is close to my own heart, and it’s the one that I begin to tackle in the Monastic Wisdom insert in this issue of Cowley.

Though we live in a Monastery, we Brothers know first-hand how hard it can be to manage time properly, as well as how damaging it can be to our lives and well-being when our use of our precious time is disordered. In our Rule of Life we speak of the challenges of “balancing our life and husbanding our strengths.”

During the retreat, different Brothers shared in giving the daily address to the assembled community. These remarks helped us to pray about time’s many facets: the holiness of time, dis-ordered time, re-ordered time; taking time for wonder, worship, and gratitude; time for Sabbath rest and restoration; time for play, re-creation, delight, and enjoyment; time for love; friendship with one’s self, with others, with God; time for work, our work attitudes and our boundaries; and finally, death: the end of time, and the glory of God.

Grafton House, a new home for Monastic Interns.

The Society of Saint John the Evangelist

These addresses, in turn, will point us toward the main topics of the teachings that we will offer across the upcoming year. From September 2014 until May 2015, our Saturday Workshops at the Monastery, as well as our Advent and Lent teaching series, will all focus on this theme of time.

We look forward to thinking, together with you, about how important it is to take “Time to Stop, Pray, Work, Play & Love.”

This season of our life together, we marvel at how we have been blessed

by God in the past several months. On Pentecost Sunday, June 8th, we were joined by many friends at our Garden Party at the Monastery, to celebrate and pray God’s blessing on our two restored gardens. The Guesthouse Garden is a restoration of the original 1920s design by Fletcher Steele. The Cloister Garden, designed by our friend and landscape designer, Patrick Smith, 3

Brs. Jim and Geoffrey on the joyous occasion of Br. Jim’s Profession.

is now a natural garden with winding paths, a gentle berm, two fountains, and native New England trees, plants, and flowers. It is viewable by our guests year-round through the windows on the Cloister walk. We are so thankful for the many people who offered their labor, creativity, and financial support to help make these garden creations come to life.

These beautiful spaces inspire us and our guests to times of meditation and joy.

Another recent joy for which we thank God is the Initial Profession of one of our Brothers: On Sunday, June 29th, the Brothers and many friends witnessed our Br. Jim Woodrum make his Initial Vows. These vows – poverty, celibacy, and obedience – are for a period of three years. We have known Br. Jim for many years now, and we are delighted and so thankful for the many gifts he brings to us, among them his musical abilities. He is an accomplished euphonium player, and I have appointed him as our Director of Music. Br. Jim also preaches, offers spiritual direction, and leads retreats.

We’re so grateful to you all for the well-wishes and support that poured in over the internet for Br. Jim at this important step in his vocation. We hope you’ll continue with us in praying for Br. Jim’s and the community’s ongoing discernment.

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As the summer days begin to shorten and fall feels on the wing, the students return to Harvard Square, and the school year opens with vibrant energy. It is a season for celebrating fresh beginnings.

In the following pages you will read more about exciting new beginnings we are so grateful for in our life together. One of these changes stretches into our past and honors one of our monastic founders, Charles Grafton: At Emery House, we have opened Grafton House, which will be a new home for our Monastic Interns.

You can read more about this exciting new development in Br. James’ article in this Cowley, “Our Human Vocation.” We continue to pray that God will direct our stewardship of the land entrusted to us at Emery House, as well as our missions in these beautiful houses for ministry.

We look forward to sharing time together with you at Emery House and the Monastery in Cambridge over the coming months. Thank you for being a part of our life. We are so grateful for our friendship with you.

Faithfully,

Geoffrey Tristram, SSJE Superior SSJE

Letter from the FSJ Notes in Retreat

Peter Littlefield, Jr.

Tuesday

No internet here, so I thought I’d jot down some notes as they occur to me.

It’s five degrees outside, so I won’t be taking any walks. I’m locked in.

First day at the Monastery. What is praying but alignment with the Spirit?

So is yoga, meditation, and a lot of things.

Spent the afternoon in silence. (Took a nap.) Read the Gospel According to Saint John. The bread of life. There’s something about the imposed silence that is exciting to me. The only possibility for movement is down and in.

The Light the Brothers keep going by praying all day helps. (I’m not making that up!)

Lunch. I thought all the Brothers ate were poetic soups. But now it seems they also eat pork roast. We eat in silence as one of the Brothers reads from a book about building the Brooklyn Bridge. I thought that was odd. I assume they trade this job around. (He’ll go on to read at every meal.) When does he eat? An arduous task. I’ll meet with this Brother tomorrow. He’ll be serving as my retreat director while I’m here.

Compline. “Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work or watch or weep tonight...” Time for bed.

Wednesday

5 a.m. Here’s my dream in full: a voice sings, “You alone are the Holy One.

You alone are the Lord. Praise God, Heavenly King, you take away the sins of the world. Have mercy on us.”

Morning Prayer. 6 a.m. This is the service I’ve never been to, and it seems especially beautiful to me. You feel susceptible in the early morning. The liturgy becomes a kind of dream that you enter.

Midday Eucharist. In his sermon, the preacher makes the point that we come to God through our weakness because when we feel strong, we don’t bother.

4:00. Meeting with my retreat director.

A powerful experience. There is light in this man. He’s so transparent that God shines through him. I told him my story. I said I’m trying to unbury my capacity to love. He gave me the Holy Unction and then we went to Evening Prayer. I kept weeping during the service.

Compline. And time for bed. The heating system makes eerie noises, like there are unhappy spirits in there arguing with each other.

Thursday

6 a.m. Morning Prayer. I keep returning to this mystery: repeating the words of the liturgy aligns you with the Spirit.

“Hail, Mary, full of Grace. The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women. Blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.”

The Society of Saint John the Evangelist

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Letter from the FSJ: Notes in Retreat The words draw you into the creative relationship between the soul and the Spirit. I find that while repeating the liturgy, the questions that take up my mind have a way of working themselves out. The BIG ONE is how to love.

Seems that selflessness opens the door, and fear closes it. That’s a hard one, given the heavy-handedness of a certain part of my personality. Something to work on.

My retreat director told me a story about the first monastery in the Egyptian desert. A woman lived next to it her entire life without ever getting to see inside. One day, she came upon a very old monk, and she asked him what it was like in there. The monk wept for a moment and then said, “It’s all falling to your knees and getting up again!”

6 p.m. Evening Prayer. If yesterday was suffused with Light, now I come to the darkness. My limitations. The part of me that shies away from life and at the same time stares out at it longingly. I guess it was inevitable that I would bump into my shadow. With no distractions, the time passed slowly. I kept looking out the window. The world outside was frozen. But as I already mentioned,

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the liturgical rituals provide a process for working through the matters of the soul. And the outsider, wounded and defensive, somehow found its way back to me. One thing that helped, I listened to a Bach cantata: “God’s time is the best of all / In Him we live, and move and have our being ...” It’s a good one.

Friday

6 a.m. Morning Prayer. Woke up feeling that in the Holy Unction, the wholeness of the Spirit came into my brain, and now it’s rearranging my synapses.

For three days, I’ve been meditating on the power of love and what gets in the way. Something to take home with me.

7:45. Eucharist. It’s going to be very hard to go. In a lifetime of searching for wholeness, how strange to discover its energy, pulsing and luminous, here in this House of Light. I’ve only very gradually realized over the years that the Spirit is healing, and healing the soul is what returns us to God. The silence of the retreat brought me to my wound, but, praying with the Brothers, I’ve had the startling realization of what a small thing it is in the greater Light.

SSJE

Our Human Vocation Trust and Stability at Emery House and Grafton House James Koester, SSJE

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ne thing that attracts people to SSJE is the experience of community. It is one of our core values, expressed in our Rule: “In an era of fragmentation and the breakdown of family and community, our Society, though small, can be a beacon drawing others to live in communion.” For a day, a week, or even a lifetime, people can experience what it means to be in community with others and thus come to know something true, both about themselves and about God. Our human vocation to live in communion and mutuality is rooted in our creation in God’s image and likeness.

The very being of God is community; the Father, Son, and Spirit are One in reciprocal self-giving and love. The mystery of God as Trinity is one that only those living in personal communion can understand by experience. Through our common life we can begin to grasp that there is a transcendent unity that allows mutual affirmation of our distinctness as persons. Through prayer we can see that this flows from the triune life of God. If we are true to our calling as a community, our Society will be a revelation of God. Several years ago, prompted by the Spirit, we took a leap of faith. Off and

The welcoming front door of Grafton House.

The Society of Saint John the Evangelist

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Young people – as interns, liturgical participants, garden helpers, and friends – have long enriched the Brothers’ life at the Monastery and Emery House.

on for many years, we had invited people to live with us as long-term guests. Some of these long-term guests were employees, others were students at nearby colleges and universities. Some came to work on a degree, or to volunteer to help us care for guests, or our properties. Others were members of other monastic communities on sabbatical. Each of them lived in the Guesthouse and, except for doing an agreed-upon number of hours of labor in return for lodging, lived independent lives. What we did four years ago was to invite people, not simply to live with us, but to share our life in an intentional way, and the Monastic Internship was born.

The purpose of the Monastic Internship has been to invite three or four women and men – having recently completed an undergraduate or graduate program – to share our life and discover for themselves what it is like to live in communion and mutuality.

This fall, thanks to the Sisterhood of the Holy Nativity, who are partnering with us in this project, we are expanding the Monastic Internship Program to Emery House. The Sisters have helped us purchase an adjacent property where 8

the Interns will live. The house will be called Grafton House, after Charles Chapman Grafton, who was both one of the original members of SSJE (along with Father Benson and Simeon Wilberforce O’Neill) and later the founder of the Sisterhood of the Holy Nativity and the Bishop of the Diocese of Fond du Lac. The focus of the Internship Program at Grafton House will be somewhat different than that at the Monastery.

In addition to living alongside the Brothers and assisting us in our ministry to guests, the Interns will help us to explore the ecological and environmental reality that is the Emery House property. They will take an active part in helping us care for the land, as well as the animals with which we share it. By helping to produce some of the food we eat, they will explore models of sustainable living.

Our hope is that the Interns will discover the same deep sense of satisfaction that we Brothers experience as we minister to guests and care for the property. My hunch is that they will also find the same frustrations: There are too few of us; not enough time; too SSJE

much to do and we don’t always get to choose what we get to do or with whom we get to live. But increasingly, for me, these frustrations are outweighed by two monastic principles: trust and stability.

In the last several years we have come to understand that the Emerys did not give us something; they entrusted us with something. This property is a tremendous gift that we delight to use and to share, but it is also something which we must pass on to the future in better condition than we received it. This idea that we have been entrusted with this property has become a guiding principle as to how we use it, and more importantly, how we care for it. We cannot simply take from it what we want, without being prepared to put back what it needs. This principle that the property has been entrusted to us is helping us make decisions today about how we garden, and tomorrow, about what kinds of buildings we need. It is also giving us the “long view.” What is it that we want to pass on to future Brothers and guests?

My hunch is that the Emerys lived like this as well. They arrived on this property in the 1640s and finally entrusted it to us in 1954. For over three-hundred years they cared for this property with not just an eye to what they needed, but to what their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren might need. While the Emerys did not take a monastic vow of stability, they certainly lived as if they did. While we Brothers do not take a vow of stability, we live as if we do. Neither the Emerys nor we Brothers are mendicant friars, moving from place to place. We and they have set down roots, both at the Monastery and here at Emery House. We renovated the Monastery, not just for us, but for all those guests and Brothers who will come after us.

One of the things which monastic communities can offer the church – especially young people as they seek their place in the church and world – is a deeper understanding of these ancient monastic principles of trust and stability.

Our hope is that after looking at life for eleven months through these two lenses, trust and stability, the Emery House Interns will have discovered the tools to look at the whole of life not as a right, but as a gift with which they have been entrusted, and that they will have the tools to set down roots in a place, a relationship, a life.

We all know how easy it is to take what we want without putting anything back, and to move on as soon as things get difficult. But those values are not the values of the Reign of God. It is the values of the Kingdom, such as trust and stability, that we hope pass on to those who share our life at Grafton House.

The Society of Saint John the Evangelist

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Stop. Rest. Period.

Luke Ditewig, SSJE

T

here’s not enough time and too much to do, with one thing after another and demands at every turn. Monks may seem serenely slow or easily wellbalanced, but we, too, struggle with busy, full lives. It takes constant intention to strive for a healthy rhythm. Here are some suggestions from what I’ve been learning about balancing time for what matters most, both inside and outside the Monastery.

Most important and most difficult: I’m learning to stop. Rest. Period. Like periods in a sentence. Like rests among notes of music, we need to stop regularly.

Without punctuation, words pile up one after another, unending, becoming meaningless. Punctuation creates limits, necessary space to separate and define coherent thoughts. Stops define clauses and sentences so one can make meaning of the words. Together, notes and rests create rhythm, making music.

We Brothers stop a few times a day to pray together. We stop all manner of necessary and important work to be still, to listen and praise, and to pray for the world. The ringing bell which calls us to Chapel can feel inconvenient, unappealing, or annoying. Still, we show up, again and again. I’m finding it’s also important to stop and give space at other 10

points, to not fill up natural gaps, but to take a short walk, have a cup of tea, or sit quietly and gaze.

Whether we feel like it or not, stopping at both set and spontaneous moments brings focus and balance.

Stopping to rest gives definition, lets one make meaning of so much action, input, and emotion. Stopping to rest daily, weekly, monthly, and annually helps puts us in rhythm, arranges jumbled activity into a song we can sing, transforms tumbling words into living poetry.

No matter how you stop or how you pray, develop a rhythm. Make breaks amid your work; plan pauses. Get your cup of tea or coffee. Rather than drinking it on the run, stop and savor.

Let your body and soul breathe. Perhaps you create a place with a special chair or nook. Perhaps you take a walk or use your commute or lunch break. Perhaps you stop alone or with others. Perhaps it’s two minutes or twenty. Adopt practices that work for you to begin the day, to sustain you through the day, and to end the day.

When introducing guests to retreat, I invite them to sleep: sleep in, take a nap, and go to bed early. The body needs more sleep than we often give it.

Both Brothers and guests often begin a retreat surprised at how much they are exhausted. We’re used to pushing through, existing on less. Nights when I stay up later because I’m behind or I’m trying to fit in one more thing or SSJE

something grabs my attention, I pay for it the next day. I can’t be as fully alert and present.

To balance our time and be rested, to be fully engaged, it’s important to stop and give our bodies their natural rhythm; stop for enough sleep. Try going to bed about the same time each night.

Wind down rather than crash. We can flip off the lights, but we can’t simply switch off the mind and body to sleep.

Lullabies are good for all of us, not just children. Compline, from “to complete,” is monastic bedtime prayer. Most of it is the same every night. We gently sing this service, our lullaby, to wind down, entrusting the night to God, slowing down to sleep.

A guest told me how he works long hours at the office, and then works further at home until he crashes into bed when he can do no more. Like many, he slept better here than he had in a long time. When the retreat was ending, he said the one thing he most wanted to take back into his daily life was stopping to be quiet before bed, preparing for sleep.

Stopping and sleeping are forms of surrender, letting go. Stopping to pray, we admit we can’t do it all. Stopping to settle, we say no to many good and many distracting things. Today it is all too easy and encouraged to be always available, perpetually plugged-in. Surrender by getting offline and unplugging your devices. Power-down your mind and soul with silence and stillness.

One way I do this is stopping to review the day and journaling about these questions: What am I most thankful for today? When was I most fully alive? The answers show where God was active. Recalling these prompts means trusting God will show up for tomorrow’s concerns. Remembering love received today builds trust for more love tomorrow. Trust helps surrender to sleep.

The Society of Saint John the Evangelist

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As with any practice, accept failure.

Reviewing the day, acknowledge it.

I didn’t stop to journal yesterday, but this is what I want, so I will try again.

Accept imperfection. Surrender to the One who sees us fully, loves us dearly, and holds us always. As we say in a Compline prayer: “Lord, it is night. The night is for stillness. Let us be still in your presence. It is night after a long day. What has been done has been done; what has not been done has not been done. Help us let it be.” Give yourself grace, go to sleep, and try again. The

prayer concludes: “The night heralds the dawn. Let us look expectantly to a new day, new joys, new possibilities. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.”

Life is busy inside and outside the Monastery. We all need practice stopping. Stop to rest and be still. Give thanks. Pray. Unplug and power-down.

Settle into sleep. Surrender to what is.

Ask for help to let it be. Stopping and resting creates a healthy rhythm, making sense of our life’s song, shaping life’s poetry. Stop. Rest. Period.

Upcoming Workshops & Retreats Saturday Workshops September 20, 2014: The Wisdom of the Sabbath

In this workshop we will explore the meaning of the Sabbath and consider God’s intention in commanding us to keep it. We will also discuss practical ways to incorporate Sabbath times into our busy lives. Leader: Br. David Vryhof October 18, 2014: Loving Listening

Opening the ears of our heart to someone can be absolutely transformative.

This workshop will draw on ancient wisdom and contemporary psychology to help us better listen to life. Leader: Br. Curtis Almquist November 15, 2014: Imagine Playing!

If you’re feeling constrained by life’s adult responsibilities, come relax and reconnect through reflective play. We will use imaginative exercises to rekindle childlike discovery, wonder, and trust. Leader: Br. Luke Ditewig January 17, 2015: The Holiness of Time

In the beginning, God created time, blessed time. And yet – for so many people – time seems cursed. In this workshop we will glean insight how to claim time as a gift and be really present to life. Leader: Br. Geoffrey Tristram March 14, 2015: Our Mutual Relationship with God

Learn how sound spiritual practice and discipline can open us to God, beckoning us to enter into the Divine Union and experience Jesus’ promise of a fuller and more abundant life. Leader: Br. Robert L’Esperance

Weekend Retreat at the Monastery Oct. 3-5: The Prayers of St. Francis of Assisi

St. Francis shows us, through his prayers, how to love God and the world with passion. In this weekend retreat, we allow ourselves to be instructed by his words and example. Leader: Br. David Vryhof For more information or to register visit www.SSJE.org/guest

Look to the Glory!

Richard Meux Benson (1824 -1915)

Richard Meux Benson was born in 1824 in London and studied at Christ Church, Oxford University. In 1866, together with two other Anglican priests, he founded the Society of Saint John the Evangelist, “a small body to realize and intensify the gifts and energies belonging to the whole Church.” SSJE became the first stable religious community for men in the Anglican Church since the Reformation, patterned on the missionary vision of St. Vincent de Paul, the spirituality of St. Ignatius of Loyola, and the corporate prayer of Benedictine monasticism. Father Benson was a contemplative and a mystic; he was also a tireless evangelist and retreat leader. His prolific preaching, teaching, and writing often focused on God’s glory and our life-long conversion to Christ. “We cannot bound into the depths of God at one spring; if we could we should be shattered, not filled. God draws us on.” He understood God’s revelation as continuous and ongoing. “Faithfulness to tradition does not mean mere perpetuation or copying of ways from the past, but a creative recovery of the past as a source of inspiration and guidance in our faithfulness to God’s future, the coming reign of God.” For this article, we asked four of the men in our novitiate to select a favorite quote from Father Benson and comment briefly on it.

“If we are to have Jesus our friend, we must know Him to be continually near. The companionship of Jesus! It is strange how many there are who look forward to being with Him in another world, but never think of living in fellowship with him here.”

Like our founder, Richard Meux Benson, I grew up in an evangelical tradition that emphasized a ‘personal relationship’ with Jesus. The very word ‘relationship’ implies an immediate and ongoing engagement grounded in the present. As I grew older, I became aware that what I believed and professed about Jesus presently would affect my relationship with him in the future. If I worked hard now, I would be granted true relationship in heaven. Eventually, like Fr. Benson, I was heavily influenced by the mystery of the Incarnation which figures prominently in Catholic theology. I came to realize that God was not a God of reaction, waiting on me to take The Society of Saint John the Evangelist

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the initiative. Rather, God had already acted through Jesus, the Word made flesh, and my life was teeming with his presence. NOW!!!

It’s easy to get caught up in trying to transcend our human limitations in order to have a relationship with God. The good news is that we don’t have to. Jesus has already entered into our human condition and redeemed it in order that we might have life and have it abundantly. Even the bonds of death cannot sever our relationship with Jesus who walked among us in resurrection before ascending to the Father. We have been invited to join him in this abundant life, not just in the afterlife, but NOW!!! All we have to do is say ‘yes.’

- Br. Jim Woodrum, SSJE

“We are created to be social beings, as God is a social Being. And as the Three Divine Persons have no life whatsoever except in this relativity of action, so have we no life whatsoever except in relative actions towards others.”

The popular image of a monk is someone who has withdrawn from the world to practice asceticism and seek God alone.

This image derives from the Desert Fathers and Mothers, Egyptian hermits and ascetics who retreated to the desert in the third and fourth centuries to seek a deeper and more authentic encounter with God. “Go and sit in your cell, and the cell will teach you everything” runs a popular piece of Desert wisdom. But though spirituality can be discovered in solitude, the Desert Fathers and Mothers recognized that spirituality is realized and nurtured in community. “It is possible to spend a hundred years in your cell without ever learning anything,” the great desert abba Poemen advises. There has thus always been a tension in monasticism between the eremitic (solitary) and cenobitic (communal) styles of life; a tension Richard Meux Benson recognized when he founded a society of mission priests.

From the beginning, it was Father Benson’s vision that the Society be both contemplative and active, both radically theocentric and strenuously committed to evangelism and the conversion of souls. That Father Benson believed this ideal could be realized in community reflects his Trinitarian theology. Just as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit proceed from one another in acts of mutual self-giving and love, so too must our mission and ministry proceed out of a genuine encounter with God. Silence, solitude, contemplation, and fidelity to the cell are all essential to effect a genuine encounter with God; but our encounter, reflecting the triune nature of God, will have us necessarily turn outward, towards others, in acts of mutual self-giving and love. As monks we are called to both withdraw and engage, to live a life devoted to encountering God alone in a cell, but not to spend to spend our life there. We proclaim the God we discover on mission, in ministry, and through life in community for the conversion of souls, not least of which are our own.

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- Br. John Braught, n/SSJE

SSJE

“We must have love at least proportionate to our knowledge. It is by the power of love that we can come to know anything worthy of God or of Christ.”

In our world, knowledge is valued currency. It can cross boundaries. Ideas from Columbia can transverse geographical, cultural, and language boundaries to reach France or the Philippines. Knowledge can be bartered; people are employed for what they know. Intelligence agencies gather and share information. Artists make and share music, paintings, and sculptures. Doctors employ their knowledge daily, approaching patients differently based on the symptoms they present.

Gaining and sharing knowledge is one of the primary ways we relate to the world.

Love, like knowledge, can cross boundaries and it can be exchanged, but it also does something more. Love helps us transcend our current environment and ourselves, and connects us to God. What value is there in being able to recite the entire contents of an encyclopedia with our eyes closed if we cannot see Christ in each person we meet? What good is there in obtaining the highest degrees in theology if we are blind to the new and different ways God is active in the world? We do not need a theological degree to see the new ways God is active in the world. We do not need to be geniuses to be able to love. We can do and see amazing things with the knowledge we have accumulated so far. What more could we do and see if we trusted in the power of love as much as we trust the power of knowledge? - Br. Ruben Alexis, n/SSJE “The dearest of earthly ties must finally yield to death, and it is impossible that we should come to any true consciousness of the eternal Presence, without in some degree dying to the phenomena of time.”

Jesus said, “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24). On our journey of faith in Christ, we must continuously die to parts of ourselves, parts of us that may act as stumbling blocks on the path towards a more fruitful relationship with God. For example, we often find ourselves either trapped in painful memories of the past or filled with anxiety over the future, kinds of suffering that prevent us from being fully present to the reality of Christ within us and among us right now, here in the eternal present moment. Of course, some remembering and anticipating is natural and necessary, however with God’s help, we can practice letting go of the sort of dwelling on past and future that causes suffering and separation between ourselves, God, and our brothers and sisters in Christ. By allowing ourselves to sever the ties to ways of thinking that distract us from the reality of the present, we enter a new kind of consciousness, a prayerful awareness of the eternal now where God’s presence is known. Eternal Life in God’s Kingdom is our inheritance through Christ, and we can claim this precious fruit right now if we surrender to the death of those parts of ourselves that pull us away from the present moment.

The Society of Saint John the Evangelist

- Br. Nicholas Bartoli, n/SSJE

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Advent Calendar

Starts November 30, 2104

Subscribe: SSJE.org/adventword A daily word and meditation, accompanied by a stunning image, delivered daily to your inbox. Invite friends and members of your congregation to subscribe to a daily email so they can tune into the true meaning of this season. See congregation resources for Educators & Clergy. (For individuals who already receive “Brother, Give Us a Word,” there is no need to re-subscribe.)

GIFts to deepen the spIRIt: www.SSJE.org/store Advent Calendar 2014 30

1

Imagine

Remember

Look

7

14

Expand

9

Encourage

15

Focus

21

3

Thrive

8

Respond

Show Up

2

Experience

Abide

10

Wake Up

16

22

4

Notice

11

Breathe

17

Become

23

5

Watch

12

Act

18

Beautify

24

13

Risk

19

Heal

25

6

20

Thank

Advent Calendar Starts November 30

Ask

Relate

Delight

Love

Receive

Subscribe: www.SSJE.org/adventword

Printed Advent Calendar: A beautiful folded card featuring a special Advent word, meditation, and accompanying image for each day, along with instructions for how to connect online to additional meditations. Give this Advent Calendar to friends and members of your congregation so they can tune into the true meaning of this season. Available in packs of 25.

2015 Calendar and New Year’s Resolution Planner: Journey through the year with the Brothers of SSJE in this Calendar featuring twelve stunning images from the Monasteries in Cambridge and West Newbury, MA. This year, in celebration of the life of SSJE’s founder, Richard Meux Benson (1824-1915), each month will Catch the Life!

Play & Love feature inspiring words from Fr. Benson. Also new T S It’s timeSto Stop,J Pray, Work, e 2015 this year is a Resolution Planner to help us be more intentional in 2015.

Christmastide Meditation Cards: Celebrate the joy of the Twelve Days of Christmas with our beautiful minimeditation cards. For each of the Twelve Days, a card will include a stunning image on one side, and on the other, a brief meditation on Reverence, Incarnation, Light, and nine other seasonal themes. (Clergy: Give these cards to parishioners as gifts as they depart your Christmas services.) Available in packs of 25.

2015 Calendar

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SSJE

Vocation is the Journey A Conversation about Vocation with Br. Robert L’Esperance

There probably were about seventy monks at the time, so there were a lot of these white bodies down at the end. And I just remember having the thought, “That’s what I want to be when I grow up.”

Q: When did you first have a sense of your own vocation?

Q: What drew you to that scene?

I grew up in the age of cheap gasoline.

There was a gas station down the street from where I lived, and I have a distinct memory that the gas was twenty-nine cents a gallon. When gasoline was cheap, a favorite family pastime was to go for rides. Sometimes our rides took us to attend Vespers at St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts, which was about forty miles from where I grew up. This was still in the day when the Roman Catholic liturgy was in Latin, and there was an area in the chapel that was screened in with curtains, because the monks were still under strict cloister.

I remember that, from the extern area, you had a view of the altar but couldn’t see the choir monks. I was fairly small; I could peer through the opening in the curtain.

When I had my first thought about being a monk, I was probably about seven years old. I remember looking through the curtain down the nave of the abbey church, which seemed huge to me, to where I could see the monks at the far end of the choir in their white robes.

I have no idea where that thought came from, or why it occurred to me, but I just remember being fascinated by the church and the sound that they were making – the sound of the chanting.

I can also remember that the day was ending, so the church was in semidarkness. It seemed very beautiful to me. Because I went to Catholic schools, there was heavy influence from my teachers that, of course, like all good Catholic boys, I should want to be a priest. I held onto that belief until I went to college, when things began to change for me.

In the course of my twenties, I began to drift away from the Catholic Church toward the Episcopal Church. I’d go to the Episcopal Church for a time, and then I’d feel guilty about it, so I’d go to confession and start going to the Catholic Church, but then I’d start to slip away. Finally, when I was about thirty years old, I decided that I was going to become an Episcopalian At that point, I dropped the idea of religious life. It seemed like an

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impossibility to me. I had no idea that the religious life was really even available in the Episcopal Church.

In the 1990s, when I was living in San Diego and attending the Cathedral, I saw advertised a retreat for men at the Monastery of the Holy Cross in Santa Barbara. I went back into the coffee hour and said to the dean in a joking kind of way, “Why are you advertising retreats for Catholics here?” I meant it as a joke. And he said, “They’re not Catholic they’re Episcopalians.” I had completely missed that information. I still can’t quite wrap my head around that. Anyway, I went to the retreat, and the weekend I was there, I sought out the Brothers there and started having conversations with them.

Around the same time, I moved back to Charleston and went back to my old church, Grace Church. The rector there was Donald McPhail. I told Donald that I was having conversations with the Order of the Holy Cross.

Donald asked if I had ever considered the Cowley Fathers. He said, “I don’t want to discourage you on the Order of the Holy Cross. But I think you should look at SSJE before you commit yourself.” He was something of a spiritual director for me and he was certainly encouraging me to pursue this, so I made arrangements to visit the Monastery.

Q: How was that visit to SSJE for the first time?

I arrived on a Monday afternoon, and the Guesthouse was still closed, so I found my way into the Chapel and sat there, just overwhelmed by the space. I was really drawn to the place, not in a way that I can really articulate – I just felt drawn. I had some initial conversations at that time with Curtis, who was the novice guardian then. And I got an application – this was in 1997 – but it 18

took me three years to really move on the application.

There was something else that happened at this time that is important to my coming here. In 1998, my mother became very ill. She was hospitalized and in a coma. My siblings and I really were preparing ourselves psychologically for our mother dying. I remember sitting in the hospital room alone with her, and the thought occurred to me – the impulse occurred to me – in a question that sounded like, “Robert, are you going to be lying where your mother is lying now someday and have missed the boat in your life? Has your life gone by you? Have you not taken hold of your life and grasped your life?” That was a big impetus to get moving and test my vocation.

I was actually two years beyond the statutory age when I applied to come to the community. After going through the entire screening process, I received a letter from Curtis that said that they weren’t going to take me. I took the letter to Donald McPhail, who had been walking with me through this process.

And he said, “Leave the letter with me and let me see what I can do.” A couple of days later I got a phone call from Curtis inviting me to come. This was at the end of 1998. I came on April 1st.

Q: Do you recall what especially drew you to SSJE?

I was attracted to the Rule. It seemed very grounded in reality to me. It wasn’t pious; it wasn’t sanctimonious. I think it’s a pretty authentic, albeit idealized, version of what this life is: because that’s what the Rule is, the ideal. But I thought the Rule was very, very honest, and I appreciated that. It didn’t try to paper over or whitewash the reality of this life. It said that the life was demanding and difficult, and it recognized the fact that there would be good days and that there would be bad days; that there would be periods SSJE

of light and there would be periods of darkness. The fact that the Rule is willing to acknowledge those realties, I found attractive. And the food was great, too, so that certainly had its advantages.

Q: How was it when you finally arrived?

I found myself in shock, asking myself what I had gotten into. Everybody who comes here talks about this: Time slows to a crawl. I remember waiting from one Sunday to the next Sunday, and I just could not believe that only a week had gone by. It seemed like a year.

I remember printing out the daily schedule and posting it on the back of my door in my cell, because I just could not remember where I was supposed to be and when I was supposed to be there. It was a complete sense of disorientation.

I was in no way prepared for what it would be like to live in community.

When I had thought about what was going to be hard about this life, I had thought the lack of my own possessions and not having sex: I thought those were going to be the two things that would drive me crazy. What turned out to be most difficult was living with a group of people that I did not choose.

Furthermore, I had been independent, I’d had my own home, I’d been used to running my own life. And now I was in an environment where everything that happened during the course of my day was netted out. It was a total shock to my system, and the postulancy just seemed like it lasted for years.

Q: Did it get easier the further you went?

Once I was clothed, well, I had a very difficult time with the whole thing. I was lonely, and there were times when I thought I would walk out. I thought: “I’m not going to do this, I can’t do this.” I’d say that the reason I’m here, the reason I stayed, is largely due to one individual The Society of Saint John the Evangelist

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who had a great influence on my life here and who really convinced me to stay: Br. Paul Wessinger. He was my mentor. He took me under his wing and steadied me when I needed to be steadied. He kept me from bolting. Back in the late 1940s, Paul left the community and became a Roman Catholic, and then a couple of years after that discovered that he had made a mistake and came back. So he had had a lot of questioning and a lot of doubts; and I had a lot of questioning and a lot of doubts. By sharing his experience with me, and by helping me to realize that part of the monastic vocation is being able to hold on for the ride and not let go when things start to fall apart, Paul helped me to stay. It is a spiritual rollercoaster; or in spiritual language, it’s consolation and it’s desolation. It’s like life.

Q: How did you finally decide to take your vows?

I just barely did! It took me seven years.

After I had completed my five-anda-half years of novitiate and initial profession, I thought I was ready. I went and I did a thirty-day Ignatian retreat in Wernersville and told the community I was ready, but the community said “No.” So I wasn’t professed the first time around. Then at that the end of that year, Curtis came to me and said, “Well, the community is now ready to profess you. Are you ready to be professed?”

And I said, “No, I’m not.” So I extended another year. After that additional year, I was ready to make the decision.

Now, I have to tell you this story because it is true, and it’s just another moment of craziness. So, it’s my life profession day, and we come to the place in the Eucharist where the profession is going to take place. And the Brothers make this semi-circle with the Superior in the center. I come to the center of the semi-circle, and Curtis begins to read his 20

script. And I’m standing there thinking to myself, “What am I doing?” Really, truly, I’m having this debate with myself – and of course my family is there, you know, everyone is there – and I’m thinking, “What, am I nuts? Am I really going to do this? This is crazy! This is crazy. What am I doing here? Okay, I’ve got to leave. I’m just going to walk out. I’m just going to walk off.” And this is going on and on.

And Curtis is droning on, and I’m sure I’m not listening to anything he’s saying to me, because I’m going around and around and around. And he goes up to the altar and he takes the book in which I’ve written my profession. And he comes back to me and puts the book in my hand. I look at the book and see my handwriting there, and I just look at it.

I’m just kneeling there looking at it – and I’m supposed to be reading the vows – but I’m not reading the vows. I looked at him, and he’s kind of looking at me with this quizzical look on his face like, “What are you doing?” or “What is going on?”

And I’m thinking, “Am I really going to do this?” I’m still debating this. I’m still SSJE

have been done to me, they’re all part of something that moved me in this direction to bring me to the moment that I’m at right now. That’s a major shift in my spirituality from where it was at one time, before I came here.

I remember coming here with a deep sense of having missed the boat and having wasted my life. I wondered then, “Why did I do all that other stuff when I always knew that this is where and what I should be doing,” but I don’t think that any more. I think that’s a false view of reality. Everything, good and bad, comes together to bring us to this moment, here and now.

Vocation is the journey. It really is.

I never thought I’d be able to say that authentically. But it really is about the walk. It’s like a pilgrimage. having this conversation.

I look down at the book again and I start speaking the words of the vow.

I mean, I’m not trying to be dramatic – this is really what happened! So I finish reading the vow, and then he says something and he extends his hands out to me, and I stand up. And when I stood up, everything – all the doubts that I was wrestling with up to that moment – evaporated. In that moment, they just all went away and I have never, ever had the slightest doubt that I did what God was calling me to do.

Q: Do you believe that everyone has one clear vocation?

You know, before I came here I had a vocation. My life was not empty; it was not without shape; it was not without God. But those things were expressed in a different way and in a different form. I think everything in my life has been vocational. Everything that has happened in my life, all the good things and all the not-so-good things, both things that I have done and things that

Q: What has been your greatest reward in following this path?

The greatest reward is a growing awareness of oneness with God. I always thought that God was out there and that I had to reach Him, or He had to reach me. But there seemed to be a wide gulf between myself and the divinity. The realization that the divine union is real and is present to me now, that is the greatest realization of this life: the discovery of God within; the knowing of the presence of God within.

I think the essence of Jesus’ message is that union is possible in the here and now, and that’s what the reality of the Kingdom is. That gap is a figment of our imagining.

This realization is at the heart of our message as Brothers. This is your reality, too. All you have to do is discover it for yourself. It’s certainly not the preserve of monks. It’s what it means to be human. We Brothers devote our time to making other people aware that this is their reality and helping them to discover that for themselves.

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SPOTLIGHT ON

Fr. Monodeep (left) and Br. Geoffrey with a friend at a leprosy colony.

The Delhi Brotherhood Society In October 2013, we had the pleasure of welcoming Fr. Raju George to the Monastery. He came bearing a question: Would we explore a friendship for our two communities’ mutual support and encouragement? The Delhi Brotherhood Society (DBS) was begun in 1877 by a small number of priests from Cambridge, England, under the inspiration of Bishop Brooke Westcott. The impact of their ministry today is vast: offering shelter and meals and a Help Hotline to street children; education, from primary, vocational, and technical training, to their St. Stephen’s College, a leading university in India. They also provide advocacy and empowerment for women, care of the elderly, and the building of community for those affected by leprosy. This past April, I had the privilege of visiting the Delhi Brothers, and am in awe of their faithfulness and resourcefulness. I also had quite a personal “coming together” of my own life: my current life as a Brother in an SSJE Monastery in Cambridge, Massachusetts, having prepared for Holy Orders in a theological college, Westcott House in Cambridge, England, and visiting these dear Brothers in India, a land so important in SSJE’s own history and ministry. This coming December we look forward to Fr. Monodeep Daniel visiting us at our Monastery. Fr. Monodeep is the Superior of the DBS, and he is an authority on the plight and needs of the Dalits, the “untouchables,” about whom he has written several volumes in the Dalit Bible Commentary series. We are very excited about Fr. Monodeep’s visit and exploring together how God may be calling us to deepen our friendship with the Delhi Brothers.

– Br. Geoffrey Tristram

Furnishing Grafton House

– Br. Mark Brown

Br. Mark with furniture friends generously donated to furnish Grafton House.

COMMUNITY LIFE

Getting Grafton House – built in 1724 and added to over the centuries, – ready for the incoming interns (see Br. James Koester’s piece, “Our Human Vocation” on p. 7 of this Cowley) has been a delightful project for the Brothers, staff, and numerous volunteers. The summer was spent painting, refinishing floors, sprucing up kitchen and baths, and maintaining the lovely gardens already in place.

In early July, an appeal went out via email for help in furnishing Grafton House. The response was nearly overwhelming and the Brothers – once again! – were reminded of the extraordinary generosity of so many friends. Offers of kitchen equipment, tables, chairs, mirrors, lamps, rugs, bed frames, desks, and many more items poured in. Some offered to help fill in the gaps with purchases when contributions had been received; some offered to come to Grafton House and help arrange rooms and give decorating advice. The goal was to furnish Grafton House with the kind of easy-going, eclectic mix typical of New England farm houses and with the “simple beauty” called for in the SSJE Rule of Life.

One of the rooms in Grafton House has been set aside as a chapel.

In recognition of the help of the Sisters of the Holy Nativity, it is being dedicated as the Chapel of the Holy Nativity. An icon of the Nativity was acquired for the chapel on my recent trip to Bethlehem. In contrast to the light, neutral color scheme and painted woodwork of the rest of the house, the chapel room has extensive original 18 th century wood paneling, restored to a natural finish, and vibrant “Irish Clover” green walls. It is furnished simply as a place for meditative prayer.

We Brothers are profoundly grateful for the many ways friends have helped to make Grafton House a reality, and are reminded again of how much we depend on our many partners in ministry.

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