Lingers Maya has always believed that kindness cannot be wasted. She always tried to support people, to listen to them, to help them feel less lonely. For her, it was crucial to build relationships based on a sincere connection and not weighed down by what everyone could bring to the table. She did not expect everyone to treat her the same way, but she felt that if she could fulfill someone’s need, even to the tiniest degree, it would be a good deed. Among all the people she knew, one friend had a special place in her heart. They shared laughter and secrets, and every ordinary moment turned into precious memories. Maya could hardly imagine that one day the person who knew so much about her would become someone she barely spoke to. Everything changed after an argument. At first, Maya thought it was probably a misunderstanding. After all, even if they did have a fight, once they would both calm down and then have a serious talk, everything would turn back to normal. It had been that way before, so why should it change now? Maya didn't want to keep waiting for her friend to decide to do something, so finally she sent a message asking to talk. And so she waited. She kept checking her phone through the day, but the response never came. Finally, hours later, Maya got back a message from her friend. She read through the message, trying to understand his point of view. Then, it was her turn to explain her side of things. Maya made sure to tell him what she meant, so that he would understand her intentions.But they got lost in translation. Instead, her friend chose to end the friendship. Maya was left with a conversation that had, in all likelihood, ended. Her heart, however, had not. She spent days thinking about what she had done wrong, which words had cut into her friend's heart, and if there was something she could have done differently. The worst part was that, although they had stopped speaking, she would have to pursue her dream next to another person who had known everything about her once. Sitting in the same lecture hall became an exercise in quiet agony. They mastered the art of peripheral vision, dodging each other's gaze in the halls like strangers who had once memorized the map of each other's lives. She tried. She attended classes and laughed with new friends. But something deep inside her said that no matter how wonderful her life was, something was always missing. Something that she wished she had. A memory, that sometimes she almost had, but never really did. And she would always wonder what happened to the life that she almost had.
Perhaps she was not only grieving the friendship. Perhaps she was also grieving the future she had imagined for them, the memories they would never make, and the version of their friendship she had believed would last. Months passed, but Maya never got the closure that she wanted. There was no final conversation to explain everything, an apology that would have made everything okay, or a clear reason that could calm down the restless thoughts in her mind. She sometimes wondered if her friend had even missed her. One evening, after a tiring day, Maya sat by her window looking at the sky as it gradually turned dark. She thought of sending one last message, but she stopped herself. How many times could she ask a person to explain a choice they have made? For the first time, she allowed herself to consider she might never know the complete truth. It hurt to accept. A part of her still wanted an explanation, a reason, not to force the friendship to return but just to understand why it had ceased. But then it dawned on her that waiting for someone else to give her peace was tying her to the moment. She remembered the belief she had carried in her heart for so long; always be kind to everyone but never expect the same people to reciprocate. Know that Allah will show you a way out of everything. Maybe kindness wasn't a shield against hurt. Maybe forgiveness didn't require pretending the wound was never there. Trusting Allah, she realized, meant moving forward even when the why remained hidden. Maya began to pray that she can have a heart that can accept what she cannot change. That she can ask Allah to lead her back to a path that she knew. To forgive herself for the mistakes made and show her how to leave go of the anger that sometimes surfaced. Not to make her friend return, but to give her strength to not let this define her days. Slowly she learned to find peace with the memories. She learned to remember their laughter without wanting to go back there, to embrace the pain without turning it into hate. Most importantly, she learned that taking responsibility for her role didn't mean to take responsibility for their friendship as a whole. One morning Maya entered her classroom and saw her former friend sitting a few rows ahead. In her heart reawakened the old pain. It was hard to believe that they would not speak with each other any longer. She wondered whether her friend knew how much had hurt the silence, and whether it was possible that everything would have turned out otherwise if they had both made some effort.
She had no answers. Still, Maya took her seat, opened her notebook, and began her day. Her heart had not forgotten, but it no longer needed to chase every unanswered question. She would probably miss the friendship for a long time. There still would be days, when the memories of the past would prick, reminding her of choices made, and opportunities allowed to pass her by. She was to have learned, that healing meant, not necessarily erasing them from her life, but letting them take the place, which they were due to take in the chapters, she had decided to leave behind. Maya's kindness was not conditional, it seemed. She was kind because that is what she needed to be, not necessarily an expectation that others would show her similar sentiments. She decided not to control who came into or away from her life, who failed to understand her. That was not her decision to make. What she could decide, however, was the way she reacted, and she had faith that Allah would lead her towards those that she most wanted to be with. She never got the explanation she had waited for. But she was learning to move forward, even without knowing why she had to say goodbye.