Spotlight Sister February Issue It's Time To Let Love In

Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 1

TCS! This is Your Life “OWN It!”

Confident & Sexy

Click Here to PREORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!

Confident & Sexy MARISSA L. BLOEDOORN CEO, TCS Consulting LLC, CEO & Founder “OWN It!” Publishing Editor in Chief “OWN It!” Magazine Executive Leadership Coach, Keynote Speaker & Author

RELEASE DATE MARCH 21st

Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 2

I’m Breaking All the Rules!

Spotlight Sister

FEBRUARY 2021

Contents Regular Feature Letter from the Editor

Article Contributors Dr. Cheryl Peavy Diahnna Nicole Baxter Sahsha Campbell-Garbutt

Yoli Tamu Beverly Likewater Jackson Jacqueline Thompson Andrea Merriman Dr. Clara Peters

Laquita Hogan Nicole Freeman-Kirkland Teresa Perkins Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 3

Special Thanks to the advertisers who support this publication!

From the Editor’s Desk

Dr. Cheryl Peavy | Editor in Chief Dr.Cheryl Peavy is an international best-selling visionary & author, transformation coach and speaker who provides women with self-development tools to smack fear in the face, step into their purpose and achieve their inner desires of their heart. Her coaching style of love, encouragement and support results in an abundance of personal growth & transformation.

As founder & CEO of Cheryl Peavy, LLC, her purpose and passion is to help women facing life-traumatic situations heal within in. Her style of coaching, guides, educates and inspires women to show up in their greatness and create the life of their dreams.

She created a social media movement, “She Is You, I Am You”, encouraging and motivating women to see themselves through God’s eyes and not the worlds.

Cheryl’s proudest moment is being a mom to her wonderful & talented son, Christian and when she’s not serving her clients, she enjoys bowling, dancing and playing Pac-man.

Spotlight Sister

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From the Editor’s Desk February the Perpetual “Month of Love” February. The perpetual “Month of Love.”

Black History shares this month with love, but I find myself asking questions such as: Why is Black History only celebrated one month out of the year?

Why is Black History only taught one month out of the year in schools? When will the world embrace that Black History has helped shape the world in which we live?

Black History is more than just slavery, racism, and deep-seated oppression. It is about the core of Black people and all they have contributed to the world.

I must say here that I was blessed to have learned more about Black History from growing up in the household of a historian. My home looked like a museum. It was filled with slavery shackles, a statue of Marcus Garvey, hot combs, historical documents, rare books, and the “Mammy” caricature—just to name a few. Admittedly, I didn’t have an appreciation for the antiques displayed all around me at the time.

As I started getting older and experienced my first bout of racism, it was then I both saw and understood the importance of the Black community knowing our heritage. If one knows their history, it will help shape their future.

They will come to realize they can truly do anything and become whomever they want to be!

Many Black communities are very familiar with household names like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, and Barack Obama. Do they know that Mercer Langston was the first Black lawyer? What about Hiram Rhodes Revels, the first Black Senator?

Let’s not forget about Hattie McDaniel, the first Black Oscar winner! Powerful!

2020—the year of clarity (20/20 vision)— has shown us racism in an up-close and often personal way. I sense a renewed urgency in the Black community to rise and know who we really are in this world.

“Whatever we believe about ourselves and our ability comes true for us.” ~ Susan L. Taylor.

We have the tools necessary to effect change in the Black community. It starts with knowing where we come from to know where we are headed.

Here’s the thing: It is NOT up to the school system to teach Black History. Far too often, it is written from a “different” perspective and not in the most favorable light. Instead, it is up to the Black community to educate everyone, from the least to the greatest. It will take tons of research and lots of time, but I promise it will be worth it!

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” ~ Barack Obama

Dr. Cheryl Peavy

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Fall in love with You, Over and over again!

Self Love When you STEP

INTO your power and YOUR true AUTHENTIC SELF you shine.

You shine so brightly that world tries to keep up!

Shannon Kaiser

Magazine January 2020 6 and Celebrating Love and friendship - The BlackSpotlight Rose is Sister the Symbol of Rebirth New Beginnings...Step into and Fall in love with the True You, the New You!

Diahnna Nicole Baxter Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 7

Diahnna Nicole Baxter shameful and painfilled experiences, which was the gateway to the transformation of her life. Today, Diahnna is joyful and purpose-driven. I enjoyed interviewing her and am overjoyed to share with you. You will discover more self-love and be encouraged, knowing that you can overcome any pain and shame you have experienced in your own life. **********

Part One

Let Love In Diahnna Nicole Baxter—an AwardWinning Actress, Writer, Director, Certified Transformational Coach, and Certified Kundalini Yoga Instructor.

Those notable professional attributes are what she “does,” but that is not who she “is.” Diahnna is known as a “ruthless storyteller who addresses trauma with an opportunity for transformation through storytelling.” Her boldness and unique ability to connect with others with the power of her words come from a place deep within her soul. She unashamedly speaks of her past

Abandonment, bullying, peoplepleasing, self-loathing, and childhood trauma are just a few things women have experienced in their lives. I know you have dealt with shame and pain.

Who was Diahnna then, and who is the real Diahnna now?

This is a great question and could be an autobiography in its answer. In short, Diahnna then (in her twenties) was a very insecure young woman who got a lot of attention because of her sensuality.

Her natural way of walking in the world oozed sensuality. The problem was she did not own the power of it. Instead, her deep abandonment wounds controlled her, and she didn’t believe in her worth.

She numbed the pains of past sexual abuse and assault with alcohol and promiscuity. She never thought she was enough, although her projected confident attitude and willingness to try new things fooled the average observer.

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It looked like she had it all together from the outside, and she was still accomplishing a lot; however, inside, she was unhappy.

Today, I have learned to embrace all of me. I have done a lot of healing work, taken full responsibility for my life, and learned to forgive myself and others for the past. The work never stops, though.

For so long, I thought I had “daddy issues” and believed that was my deepest wound. It wasn’t until I evaluated the relationship with the person who raised me—my mother— and began to heal our relationship that I gained deeper clarity about how I saw myself as a woman. After 10+ years in transformational studies and the healing world, I now understand there is no destination we get to…no place where life’s challenges end. However, if we do the shadow work, dive deep into those parts of ourselves that we often label “bad” and listen to them, and then heal them through self-love, we get to choose joy, love, and happiness in each moment.

When we understand that we truly are the Beloved and a child of the Divine, we begin to nurture that relationship, and life gets easier and more gratifying.

Emmy Award-Winning Actress, Writer, Director, and Transformational Life Coach for Women of Color. What an impressive list of accomplishments!

What path did you take to discover selflove? In your own words, how do you define self-love?

I define self-love as a radical acceptance of one’s self—all the flaws, mistakes,

beauty, intelligence, and potentialities.

My self-love journey began on stage through acting, when I declined a full scholarship for graduate school and, instead, chose to move to NYC to pursue what I really loved to do: act. Had I known how challenging the business is, I probably would not have made that choice. However, I am so glad I did.

Acting was the first place I discovered self-love. Through putting myself in other people’s shoes (the characters), I expanded my empathy. I understood (through the characters) why they responded to life because of their past trauma and what false beliefs stood in their way and blocked them from getting what they really wanted. The art of acting saved my life. It was the channel I used to exorcise my own pain, forgive myself, and learn the human spirit's resiliency through various characters.

Why do women need to heal the child within? Why should they give the little girl inside of them what she wants, needs, and deserves?

Women need to heal their child within— their “little girl” self—because often, it is the little girl who didn’t get her needs met who is running the show as an adult.

As children, we depend on someone outside of us to source our love, security, and approval. As women, it is our responsibility to source those things from within for ourselves. We are unable to do that until we understand what our “little girl” didn’t get. We must listen to what she needs so that we can now provide those things for her. That often

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involves boundaries, radical honesty, pleasure, and play.

Why do some women believe there is something wrong with them?

Women—Black women especially—are programmed from a very young age that they are not enough…not pretty enough, smart enough, sensitive enough, and the list goes on and on. So, we learn as children that we must be ten times better in order to survive. Struggle becomes synonymous with living. We start to believe that “life is hard” and that “the grind” is a normal state of being. We find it challenging to receive and eventually experience burnout as the regular dayto-day.

Not to mention the microaggressions we experience daily in the workplace, at school, and in the media. It is no wonder that we form a subconscious belief that something is inherently wrong with us. There are varying degrees of this. For example, I am a light-skinned Black woman, and my experience is privileged compared to that of the darker-skinned Black woman.

I remember in high school, when my mother and I would go to the mall, the store clerks would greet me but follow her around the store as if she were going to steal something. As Black women, it is imperative for us to expel the lie that we are not enough and that there is not enough to go around. Systematic racism has taught us to hate ourselves in subtle ways. Often, the pain we experience comes from how we treat each other, in both comparison and competition. We MUST learn that we are the closest thing to God, and NOTHING is wrong with us.

The belief that something is wrong with us also comes from our limiting subconscious beliefs and thoughts.

Often, they were attributes adopted in childhood. They are not even ours! We must understand that we are not our thoughts. Thoughts are units of energy, and if we feed the false beliefs of “notenoughness,” they will grow. What we pay attention to expands. The first step is recognizing our thought patterns and do so without self-judgment. Only then can we begin to choose which thoughts we “feed.”

What are some ways women can practice self-love?

Women can practice self-love by speaking their truth—not to be confused with “being right.” The biggest adversaries of self-love are courageous vulnerability, having those hard conversations that have been avoided, setting boundaries with people who suck your energy, and setting boundaries with anything in one’s environment that does not contribute to their happiness and well-being (i.e., music, people, food, substances, etc.). Self-love isn’t just about long baths and spa retreats. It’s also about radical honesty with one’s self.

What is it that your heart truly desires?

Once you have that answer, take courageous action to remove anything that is not aligned with your values and vision.

As well, we need to know our top five values. When we live from our values with intention, it is easier to navigate our lives with authenticity and know what’s

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for us. It becomes easier to say no and to receive our YES! And self-love for the Black woman?

REST.

Part Two This month, we celebrate love. Let’s talk about relationships, why they sometimes fail, and how one can experience the most amazing relationship ever.

I saw one of your social media posts touching upon intimacy. I’m sharing it below. I love the acronym you used for intimacy: “INTO-ME-SEE”! Powerful!

What is intimacy?

As a highly sensual and sexual woman, I crave it.

Intimacy.

And when I was younger, I would often satiate my desire for intimacy through casual sex.

Hungry for my soul to be touched.

Yearning to be seen.

Terrified of vulnerability.

Sex was the destination, the instant gratification.

Yet, when two people show up as anything other than their whole, authentic selves, they can’t be seen.

How can you be seen if you aren’t being you?

There is no intimacy.

There is no into-me-see.

Sure, there is a quick high—human touch, stimulation, desire…

But it dissipates, and one is left again, insatiable.

We don’t get to receive true intimacy until we show up as our authentic selves.

When we show up as only parts of ourselves or projected perfections to appease the perceived desires of others, we sell ourselves—and each other— short.

When we show up as our authentic selves, we are “naked” in our courageous vulnerability to be our whole selves, “flaws” and all.

Showing up authentically lets love in.

And when you let love in and meet the sexual desires with the intimacy…well…that is the orgasmic, divine union. And multiple orgasms.

And as women, we are that—the energy of creation itself.

BE SEEN! You are worthy, deserving, and powerful. You are a unique emanation of the Source.

You are the Beloved.

Be courageous.

Be radically honest while ruthlessly compassionate.

First with yourself, and then with others.

Let Love In… Let Love In… Into Me See. Intimacy.

If intimacy is what women crave and really want, why do you believe women stay in relationships that no longer serve them? Does it tie back into selflove?

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Yes, it ties back into self-love. The most important relationships in our lives are the ones with ourselves and the Divine.

Many women fear being alone. Or, if they have been in a relationship that doesn’t serve them for a long time, usually their self-esteem is shot, and they don’t believe they are truly worthy of anything better. I also think that women believe manipulation and playing games will get them what they want. That is the death of any relationship. Honesty is intimacy. If you can’t have honest conversations with your partner, even the painful ones, then you will never have a truly intimate relationship. And if your partner isn’t able to listen and reciprocate that honesty, then it is time to go, in my opinion. Oftentimes, women aren’t intentional about the relationships in which they choose to participate. They fall into a relationship out of convenience or pure sexual chemistry, and then years later, they wake up and wonder why it isn’t working. Just like nature, the soil needs to be rich and fertilized for the plant to grow. A relationship deserves that same soil—a solid foundation that is built on honest communication and trust and rooted in values. Just because there is a connection with someone does not mean that person is compatible. I believe we need to choose consciously, with more intention aligned with our values.

Just to be clear: When I speak of values, I don’t mean they are rooted in any religion or moral “rightness.” Every person needs to define what their own values are.

Why is forgiveness so important when seeking intimacy?

If you haven’t forgiven yourself, most likely you are shaming yourself. And when shame is present, we hide. If you are hiding, then how are you allowing yourself to be fully seen so that you can receive love?

How can a woman improve her relationship?

Improvement comes by remaining curious about your partner. When we assume that we know everything about them there is to know, the relationship is dead. DON’T ASSUME. Have honest conversations about how you feel and ask for what you need. Also, don’t expect your partner to fulfill all of your needs.

Have a life of your own that nurtures your soul through the community, selfcare practices, divine communion, and play. When two people who honor their wholeness come together, striving to be their best selves, the relationship improves. Sometimes, you need to take space to do that. Fill your own cup and GIVE from your overflow. Focus on what you appreciate about your partner rather than what they are lacking. Lastly, it takes two. If your partner is unwilling to do the work on themselves for their own growth, it may be time to go.

Part Three Why is it important for women to know Black history?

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It is EVERYTHING for Black women to know their history. When I got into Duke University, I promised myself I would never read another book by a dead White man—and I didn’t. I majored in Literature and African-American Studies and minored in Women’s Studies. We are so deprived of our heroes and history in this racist educational system. We must take the initiative to learn about those who came before us. For me, I started by ravaging Black women’s literature: Toni Morrison, Bell Hooks, and Audrey Lorde, to name a few. We also begin to learn more about how our ancestors worshiped prior to the colonized form of Christianity, how women were revered as Priestesses, and how we had a deep connection with the

earth elementals and nature.

Communion with Spirit, outside of White Christianity's dogma, is imperative for Black women’s healing.

Christianity was used as a weapon to subjugate us in this country. I am not saying Christianity itself is “bad,” but it is important to understand how it has been manipulated, seek your own truth, and learn about its original purpose and roots.

You can connect with Diahnna Nicole Baxter at www.diahnnanicolebaxter.com.

Dr. Cheryl Peavy

www.diahnnanicolebaxter.com Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 13

Diahnna Nicole Baxter

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www.diahnnanicolebaxter.com

My name is Keandra Ward and I'm the Founder and President of Keystone Business Institute. KBI was birth out of my two loves; my love for entrepreneurship and my love for education. We're excited to bring our combined knowledge of over 30 plus years of business and corporate knowledge. My heart’s desire is to see every student excel in life and in business. We believe in you and we're ready to help you bring your vision to life.

Keandra Ward, President

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Healing through Honesty For those of you reading up to this point thinking to yourself, “I’m good so far. This clearly doesn’t apply to me.” Great. You can stop reading the remainder of the article. But for those of you who said that same thing last year and years before. Keep reading.

It’s time for an honest conversation.

Sahsha

Once you’ve rescinded on your resolution, have you ever asked yourself what caused the “fail”?

I’ve asked myself, and here are some of my most common responses.

Sahsa Campbell-Garbutt

Healing through Honesty How’s your New Year resolution going? No really, how easy or challenging has it been for you to adhere to the guidelines you set for yourself to ensure that 2021 is going to be different than 2020, 2019, 2018, etc.

You have the purest intentions, of course. I mean, who doesn’t desire to be better? Who doesn’t want to feel, think and look their best? Why wouldn’t one want to be so magnetic that all they desire flock to them like chicken receiving their feed? If only you could commit to your plan!

- I became bored with the routine.

- I succumbed to the temptations of my external environment (potlucks, parties, etc.)

- I didn’t see results fast enough.

- It just was too “hard”.

Then, I had the HONEST conversation with myself. Because God knows I really don’t see myself as weak and feeble minded. I asked self, “Is my resolution really boring, slow moving and hard, or is my mindset wired to experience new things as boring, slow moving and hard?”

Wow! Once I sat back and engaged in honest reflection with myself and not the ideal of that which I was striving for, I realized that what I wanted to resolve wasn’t any more challenging than any Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 16

other humans’ venture. What was challenging for me was recognizing, reconciling and reprograming that little (well not so little if it keeps interfering with the levels of growth I desire to achieve) incessant voice that told me what I desire is a chore, not an enticing choice! I can choose to succeed at my resolutions if I recognize and realign “the voice” aka, the subconscious mind.

Reprogram the position of that little voice!

Our subconscious mind runs 90% of our life. Meaning whatever you’re trying to resolve aka New Year resolution, will continue to fizzle out until you reprogram the position of that little voice!

When it tells you its boring, declare it’s a blessing.

When it tells you it’s hard, declare to the voice it’s helping me ascend.

When it tells you its boring, declare it’s a blessing. _______________

When it tells you to succumb to your environment, tell it you’re creating a new environment!

When it tells you it’s hard, declare to the voice it’s helping me ascend.

Look, the FORCE you’ve used to try resolve your goals hasn’t work. It is now time to embrace the natural FLOW of life that will grant you the clarity to see the areas within you that need rewiring! Have an honest conversation with yourself. Tap into your subconscious to tap into success.

Repeat. Have a nice life!

_______________ When it tells you to succumb to your environment, tell it you’re creating a new environment!

www.lifeandlightwellness.com

Sahsha Campbell-Garbutt Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 17

Sahsa Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 18

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HEART

HEART toxic relationship into an unbreakable bond that stands the test of time!”

Can you share how the disconnect takes place between a mother and daughter?

Does it start when the daughter is a teenager?

Yoli Tamu Heart to Heart Relationship Between Mother’s and Daughter’s I had the amazing pleasure of interviewing Yoli Tamu. She is an inspirational speaker, author, educator, songwriter and founder of The Back to Me Project. She has this amazing album called Back to Me. I just love the song Back to Me. Make sure you check it out.

She is passionate about cultivating a stronger relationship between mothers and daughters. “It is my desire to help young women experience the power of nurturing and gift development from their mothers!”

“GENUINE HEART TO HEART RELATIONSHIP and unite in a way they may have never thought possible.

I’m excited to show you both powerful ways to communicate as you repair, maintain, and transform a mediocre or

Disconnect happens the moment the daughter feels ignored, neglected or devalued. Acknowledgement of her voice and presence is key. Usually, she starts to realize or feel she's being ignored or dismissed during her early teen years. This is a powerful time of self-discovery for her. She's discovering new things about herself and your undivided attention shows that she is valuable in your eyes.

Can you share the three mistakes moms are making to keep their daughters distant?

-Showing little interest in her point of value and simply expecting her to do as she is told -Refusing to answer tough questions that may make you both uncomfortable, such as questions about sex -Avoiding spending quality time with her will drive her away and into the embrace of someone else who is willing to listen. These listeners are not always positive role models, but they are available and make time for your daughter.

They’re some women right now that I know, who have an estranged

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relationship with their daughter and have tried everything to fix it. How can a mother fix the relationship, if the daughter is not willing?

does not budge and remains disconnected, it may be time to include a mentor, coach or professional counselor to support the two of you.

A mother can start to show her vulnerable side by openly sharing her fears and desires to simply protect her daughter. She can acknowledge that her approach may not be the best, but her intention is real. If the mother shares something personal about her life with her daughter, the ice will eventually break and she will appear human to her daughter. After that, her only job is to listen to her daughter's concerns. Show patience and offer space for her daughter to come to her on her own.

Usually, the daughter will begin to soften and open up. Space offers time and respect for both the mother and the daughter to reflect and reconnect.

What is the Back to Me Project?

Can you provide one step into how to help heal the relationship?

I can be found on IG @backtomeproject or you can visit my website at TheBackToMeProject.com.

Offering time and space is a huge step.

It may be hard for mothers to do, but it is worth it. The mother can think of a reasonable amount of time to give her daughter time to reflect. If the daughter

The Back to Me Project is an online program designed to help the college freshman woman who is nervously transitioning into the college life for the first time. She is young, independent and excited about her next chapter, but she is also full of anxiety. Our 4-week program offers these young ladies selfawareness challenge assessments of their emotional triggers to ultimately define and set boundaries for themselves in their new found existence separate from their parents and away from home.

How can others connect with you?

Dr. Cheryl Peavy

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Yoli Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 22

BLACK HISTORY Celebrating Womanhood, Celebrating Our Heritage

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Why Should Black Women Know Black History?

Do you think that Black History should be celebrated just one month out of the year?

No, I don’t so, I think every day is Black History, when a Black person does something good, it becomes the history of the Black race.

The African Princess: Sarah Forbes Bonetta

Why Should Black Women Know Black History?

I had an amazing interview with the Founder of “Black Like Me” Beverly Likewater Jackson about why Black women should know the Black history.

First, let me share with you a little more about Beverly Likewater Jackson. She is a 67 years old dancer, mother of three sons and widow of the famous record producer and musician Boyd H. Jarvis.

She and Jarvis created “Black Like Me” “Because Black people don’t get proper attention for their contributions to the world.”

Black people were Kings and Queens walking in their greatness until slavery.

Black Like Me, is a Facebook Community that is a place of knowledge and substance about the history of Black people. Beverly says; “All Black history is our history! What we do today becomes history tomorrow. History is still being written and forever will be written.”

Why is it important for Black Women to know their own heritage?

Black Women are the backbone of who we are as people, without the guidance of a Black Women, we would not know anything. We were Queens in Africa, we have served in wars, we have invented wonders that went to the moon, WE ARE and will always be strong. But today, Black women are seen as BITTER, hateful, and can’t hold on to our Black men, this is all false or should I say BS, we are Sheros to our daughters and sons. Why are we fighting status... we have it already.

Meet England’s first Black Queen, Sophie Charlotte

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I was always told that, if you don’t know where you’re from, then you don’t know where you’re going? Why do you think that Black History is only taught once a year in schools?

Because they don’t want the children to ask too many questions. They feed them what they want them to know instead of what they should know, this makes the child not wanting to go further, once they get in college the history of the Black race is watered down.

Mary Beatrice Kenner,1956 inventor of the sanitary belt and 5 patents.

You’re the founder of Black Like Me. What is Black Like Me? Black Like Me is a group page for everything that is BLACK, Black people are all over the world since the beginning of time The First People, once a month was not working for me. So, I started it to show what the Black people

have done in this world, some people like myself never knew the history of the Moors and the contribution they did in Europe and in Spain. The Running of the Bull is the history of the Moor Empire and the war they had with Spain, the Moors ruled from 700 to 1492. That is Black History that is not taught in school.

“Potrait of a Moorish Woman” by student of the School of Paolo Veronese in Venice 1550

Many other cultures try and emulate Black culture, why do you believe this is the case?

Because Black is Beautiful. Black is a Culture, Black is Music, Black is Fashion, Black is Food and Black is Dance… we teach and we are Colorful people.

Share one or two facts that Black Women don’t know about Black Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 25

History? Or should I know about their own heritage?

Cleopatra had sex with 3 Roman men, King Tut had bad clubfeet, and he had to use a cane because he walked with a limp, there are no more Black people in Australia they were pushed off of a cliff.

This way, there will be no more Black people to make more Black people.

EVIL PEOPLE. What ways can the Black Community learn about Black History?

College 2020 revealed that racism is more prevalent more now than ever.

Racism is definitely a part of Black History.

In your opinion is there a way to end racism?

Ending racism is the job of the parent.

The kids hear what parents say, or friends. Home is where you end it.

Anything you would like to share that the readers should know?

I am an Afro Cuban Cherokee. My great great grandmother was a slave coming from the Island of St. Thomas… my great grandmother was born on the Island of Cuba, and my grandmother was born in Georgia, without those women, I would not be here today.

How can others connect with you to learn more about Black History?

For connection, you can reach me through Facebook: “BLACK LIKE ME,” BEVERLY JACKSON. Connect there... I don’t give access to my personal page, but I am on Instagram and Twitter.

Frances Ellen Watkins Harper a genuine celebrity orator was second only to Frederick Douglass as a prominent African American writer of her era. She went on speaking tours discussing slavery, civil rights and suffrage.

Proceeds from her books went to the Underground Railroad. Library of Congress

Dr. Cheryl Peavy

Black communities can find research in the Library or go online. Take a Black history course in High School and in

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Love has Everything to Do with It? tricked down to my own children. I enjoyed seeing the smiles on their faces when they came home to show off all the candy and cards they received. As I became older, those candies and cut-out cards became flowers, dinner, and now, chocolate. I still I looked at it as a way of showing how much you like or loved someone.

COACH JACQUELINE Love has Everything to Do with It? I remember being a little girl and becoming excited when Valentine’s day came around because it meant that I get to give out and receive those candy shaped hearts with the cute little words on them like: “be mine”, “kiss me”, “true love”, “you’re cool”, etc. and the cards to go with them. In my mind, that was a form of showing love for someone as in having a crush on them or just liking them a lot as a friend and when I became older, the tradition of those candies and cards

Fast forward to understanding more about Love, I became less infatuated by the candies, cards, flowers, and dinner and more interested in the underlying meaning of Love from God’s point of view. What I came to discover is that how we look at Love is so much more pleasant when we understand the word from a spiritual eye. Let’s meet seven types of Love: •

Agape — I believe that Unconditional/Selfless Love is the greatest of them all and the perfect example can be found in Matthew 22:37-39 where Jesus

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explains how he wants us to love one another.

•

Philia — An Affectionate Love that is the kind of love you would most likely experience with a best friend or circle of friends. A love where loyalty, trust and admiration are key characteristics, and a great example can be found in 1 John 3:16.

•

Pragma — I’d like to think of this Enduring Love as the ones that my parents have for one another.

They have been married for over 60 years and I honestly admire them for demonstrating what standing the test of time looks like. An inspiring example of Pragma love is the one between Abraham and Sarah. They endured years together of ups and downs before God blessed Sarah with a son in Genesis 21:1-7.

•

•

Storge — That Familiar Love that we encounter every day is with our loved ones like a spouse, child, parent, or sibling. You can find a biblical example of Storge love in Matthew 3:17.

Eros — A Romantic kind of Love that is like the sexual and passionate love we have for others. It is also known as lust sometimes and a perfect bible story example can be found in the

book of Judges, Chapter 16 when Samson met Delilah.

•

Ludus — Ohhhh, that Playful Love. Remember what it was like when you first fell in love? Those butterflies in your stomach when you see the other person or how in awe you are to hold their hands.

An example of Ludus love (mixed with eros) was with King Solomon and the maiden (his true love). Song of Solomon

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Philautia — One of my favorites is Self-Love/Self-Compassion.

How can we act on all the different types of love if we first do not love ourselves as God loves us? This kind of love reminds me of being good to our bodies by eating better, resting better and exercising better to keep from getting sick and I love the example in Daniel’s story of honoring God by eating vegetables and drinking water for ten days. Something many of us do throughout the year.

So, you see Love has Everything to Do with It!!!! Now, go spread some Love!

Coach Jacqueline Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 28

class bell. All the students scramble to their seats. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I can’t believe his fine self is right behind me,” she notices as she looks around. She turns around quickly

sitting stiffly in her chair, as if she is really concentrating on the teacher.

Andrea Merriman Teaching Children Self-Care Barbara sits quietly with her notebook open, as her classmates' enters the room, some moving quietly, others talking, or laughing in conversation with friends. To Barbara, it all sounds like a distant hum as she pretends to be concentrated on her drawing. As each person enters, she glances up, then exhales when it is not him. Thinking to herself, “Why am I waiting on him, he doesn’t even notice me. Besides, I am sure he likes Keshia, they all do.” Just as she starts to concentrate on her drawing, she hears his voice. Her heart beats faster, her breathing stops as she sees Keith come through the door with guys from his team.

Just as she looks up, he looks her way and smiles. Her body tingles as her heart beats faster. “Is he smiling at me? No he can’t be, it’s all in my mind,” she thinks.

Now, it seems like he is walking in slow motion to his seat. She comes back to reality as she hears the loud sound of the

The teacher takes her place in front of the room and writes on the board the next story they will be reading, “Romeo and Juliet,” by William Shakespeare. Barbara recorded this day as the longest English class in history. Once the class is over, Barbara stays behind trying to be the last one out of the class, afraid to make eye contact with Keith. Then, she feels someone behind her. She looks up, it is Michael, Keith’s best friend. He hands her a paper and walks away without a word. She carries it to the bathroom and reads…

I like you, do you like me?

(Yes or No) Circle and send back.

From Keith.

If you haven’t guessed it by now, this relationship started way back when. Back before technology took over. Now, with the onslaught of technology and almost every kid above the age of ten having in their hands… a cellphone, relationships start differently. The emotions and feelings are there as usual during puberty, and the teen years, yet expressing them has changed.

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I mothered ten children through their teenage years and listened to their stories of relationships and many of their friends.

I remember listening to my five teen-age boys talking about girls. I remember the girls that called my home looking for the boys. I wondered when did the chase change. Then, my girls came along and after having five brothers, they knew to be careful. Some had good relationships, some had very toxic ones. What I learned from all of this is that parents need to keep up with the times.

In 2015, when I started working with teens in the community on healthy relationships, I thought my ten teens had prepared me for helping others. The information I gathered the first year made me want to cry. I heard stories of sexting, gang rape, humiliation, sextortion, and learned about the rainbow party. I will spare you the explicit details of the rules for attending the party. However, I will say it involves an assortment of lipstick colors and deeds to make a grown woman blush. Oh, and I learned the details from a class of 14-year-old teens.

Teen dating has changed. Teen relationship interaction has changed.

They are experimenting with things they see on the internet and at home. The sharing of information goes out as soon as a deed is done. As parents and community leaders, we must get more involved.

There is so much more I could tell you about the things your teens are dealing with on a daily basis. We hear about domestic violence more now, but few are talking about how the violence is

changing how relationships.

our

teens

have

Across the Nation, February is designated as Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month (TDVAVM). The truth is, violence against our teens has escalated and taken new forms since technology has come into play. Am I saying kids shouldn’t have cellphones?

No, what I am saying is adults should teach safety skills as well as monitor activities. We have a responsibility to our children to keep them safe. Our intentions when giving them a phone is usually to allow them to communicate with us and family. However, what happens is, they explore social media, chatrooms, and the WORLD WIDE WEB. All the things we as parents try to shield them from in our homes are open to them once they log in to the computer in their hands. They don’t have to have much imagination anymore, just type it in a search engine, and voila, instantly it appears.

Facts recorded by cdc.gov January 2020: 1 in 11 female teens and 1 in 15 male teens have reported physical dating violence.

1 in 9 female teens and 1 in 26 male teens have reported sexual dating violence.

The keyword here is “Reported.” How many acts have gone unreported? If you will take notice of all the adults now selfdisclosing childhood abuse, you will see we are missing many.

At FLR Global Institute, LLC and our sister non-profit, Feminine Life

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Rebuilders, we are dedicated to educating teens and parents with our Jennifer Y. Merriman H.E.L.P. Program for Teens© and our monthly support group H.E.L.P. Teens Talk™. Our teen ambassadors help steer conversations about current relationship events and topics. We have had some deep conversations and brought in parents to help them understand the pressures the teens are going through.

Their biggest complaint is the parents not listening to how much times have changed and the fear of how angry they will get when they know the truth.

• Respond instead of reacting. Even if punishment is coming, breathe and respond to the situation after listening, instead of reacting to the shock of what you just heard.

• Educate yourself on topics like sexting, trafficking, sexual games, and signs of abuse. It is not all adults that are hurting and trafficking our teens. Some of it is coming from other teens.

• From one mother to another, if you are a praying family. Pray without ceasing. The battle is real.

Because of COVID-19, we are moving to an online platform this year, so you can join in on the conversation from anywhere. We are scheduling teen and parent groups and our teen program. Here are a few tips to get the conversation started.

These tips are not intended to tell you how to raise your child. They are from conversations with young adults that want to be heard. If you are interested in joining us either monthly or your teen is interested in being an ambassador for healthy relationships, reach out by email, phone or text. We are also looking to collaborate with other agencies working with teens. It still takes a village, and that village starts with you and me.

• Talk to your teen often about current relationships. Include all relationships, not just intimate partner ones.

• Work on your facial expressions.

The wrong expression will cause your teen to shut down in the middle of a conversation.

• Listen, know when to listen and when to talk. As parents, we know more from experience, yet we don’t know the experience of our teens.

support@flrglobalinstitute.com 740-3DV-HELP (338-4357)

Andrea Merriman

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www.andreadmerriman.com

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www.sownonpurpose.com Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 33

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Live – Laugh – Love

Dr. Clara Peters

We cannot do anything about our past so we need to leave it where it is and let it go so that it will not destroy us in our future. As it is stated in Philippians 3:13-15 “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.”

Live Laugh Love

Mark 11:24 states “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

In life we play by the rules and regulations that may have been set before us by parents, grandparents or society. However when did we stop to see if that was good for self.

As humans we will live a life of regrets because there are things in life that we wish we have not done, however we will need to take those to GOD and leave them there as he wants us not to hold onto them.

What may have worked for them may or may not work for you. If that is so and it is not working, then what you can do is re-design that which they gave you or design what you know is right for you. Either way seek GOD before you do so as to Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 35

make sure you are not wasting your time.

We sometimes continue a tradition as that is what you think should be done, but why not have your own tradition. One thing is to make sure you leave lasting memories for your children and grandchildren as well as others that you meet along the way.

If you are just existing, trying to fit in, or whatever that is not right then it is time to say enough is enough I must do what I’m to be doing for me and all else will fall into place with God’s help. AMEN Remember, you only have one life so don’t let it go to waste and wait to long to enjoy it. No matter what age you are it is time to LIVE LOVE LAUGH if you have not been doing it. If you have continue like never before. LIVE as it is your last moment. GOD loves you and he wants nothing more than what’s best for you.

LIFE is not about where you are going however it is about the journey you will be on going there…GOD has you so get out of your own way.

Live – Laugh – Love

Blessings Dr. Clara L. Peters Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 36

LAQUITA HOGAN husband and risk sleeping with an empty stomach. Love may have the husband or wife sacrifice sleep to ensure the other is cared for, which is truly a sacrifice.

Does love Die, or is it ever truly there to begin with?

Let’s take a moment to this about how the human brain works related to the topic of “Love.” It’s accurate to assume that our first love never dies because the emotions attached to that person were so strong.

Strong feelings stick with us, both the good and the bad. They never die, right?

According to many people, it isn’t just their first love that holds a place in their heart and mind forever. Several have stated “true love” never dies, whether it be their first…or last.

When someone finds true love, there’s an emotional, physical, and spiritual connection made. The couple wants to spend every waking moment together and wants the best things to happen for one another. True love will never end because of that strong attraction. Someone who loves you will always bless you. They will always connect with you, even if you are far away. The intimacy that exists is unbreakable. True love may even find one risking their very life for you. Love might have a man walking on the hot sand while his wife rides on the horse. Love might have a woman provide food for her

An example of true love is God, the One who truly loves us all. Imagine: Humanity sinned, and the punishment of sin is death.

In the Book of John 3:16, it reads, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” That level of love is unmatched. Our Heavenly Father sacrificed His ONLY Son just to save us.

True love will never end for those who love God first, then man. It’s safe to say true love never ends for most who are in an intimate relationship—sexually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

However, the rest is factual. Love can also be based on material possessions, physical attraction, and body fascination, which never last when standing alone.

Love can die under heavy limitations because limits are counter to our very nature, which is growth. We can’t help but expand. We can’t help but evolve. We can’t help but change. The process of growth cannot be stopped within us, nor should it be. So, when limits and expectations are placed on us by our partners and ourselves, we instinctively want to break free from them. In those instances, we can still love another…we just may no longer “be” in love. Love comes in abundance to those who have an abundance of love within their hearts. That is why it is imperative that you learn to love yourself with all your heart and trust that in doing so, the whole world will be good to you and love you back as well.

Love conquers all, Laquita Hogan

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understanding about debt, and pay back debts on time.

What is “credit”? Credit is an agreement between a lender and a borrower who promises to pay back the lender.

Building a good credit reputation includes: ➢ ➢ ➢ ➢

How much was borrowed.

On-time payments made.

Fully repaying debts as agreed.

Utilization of available credit.

In 2020, FICO 10 Scoring was implemented. That system looks at debt levels over the last two years instead of the old system's month-to-month levels.

Nicole Freeman-Kirkland, CPA

The Power of Credit If cash is king and credit is power, why are millions of Americans living with bad credit? The average American builds credit by opening a credit card account, acquiring student loan debt, or making car payments. Those are just a few ways individuals build their financial power.

In the best-case scenario, when done correctly, they can increase their creditworthiness and buying power and subsequently control their financial future.

A few ways to escape debt escalation are to stop borrowing money that exceeds your ability to repay, increase your

The credit score ranges from low to high in determining the level of risk to lenders. A score of 300 to 579 would be considered low and less attractive to lenders. A score of 580 to 669 is considered “fair.” You may be extended credit but at a higher interest rate to offset the risk. A score of 670 to 739 is considered “good” credit, 740 to 799 is “very good” credit, and 800 -850 is considered “excellent” credit (bankrate.com).

Creditworthiness has become the determinate factor for many of our personal financial needs. The better the credit, the better the chance of getting approved and receiving reasonable interest rates. Other ways the power of establishing good credit is affected include determining rates for insurance premiums and access to utility services.

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Now more than ever, understanding credit and monitoring your credit score consistently are essential. Credit does not have to be scary or intimidating.

Listed below are some best practices to help gain more power over your credit: ➢ Make payments on time; pay off credit card balances each month before the cycle ends. ➢ If interest rates are high, request a lower rate after making timely payments for 12 months. ➢ For multiple credit cards, use the lower interest rate cards first, versus those with higher interest rates (use the latter as the last resort). ➢ Keep credit card balances below 30% of the available credit when rolling over balances cycle to cycle. Balances over 30% of the available credit can negatively impact credit scores.

➢ Do not apply and reapply for credit when denied. Multiple credit checks and denials can decrease your credit score. ➢ Diversity credit types; a credit card (revolving), car loans, or other financings (installment accounts) provide a nice credit mix, giving your credit score a boost. ➢ Do not fall for making “just the minimum payment” each month. The longer the balance remains unpaid, the more interest, finance charges, and late fees accrue. ➢ Obtain a free credit report annually at www.freecreditreport.com from all three reporting agencies. Monitor and dispute inaccurate transactions.

Nicole Freeman-Kirkland, CPA

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At Home with LaYerz Interiors luxury. Take a look below to find out more.

Where interior design is concerned, there is no set formula for how to produce luxurious surroundings. It’s more about creating a certain feel for space than following a few hard, and fast rules.

Keep these thoughts in mind as you look at your own interiors. How do they match up to your own personal definition of luxury? If you are considering working with an interior designer for your next project, make sure to ask them the same question. It’s a quick but effective way to get a sense of how well your design styles match up.

TERESA PERKINS The Luxury Edition This phrase feels nice rolling off your tongue, doesn’t it? There’s something fabulous about it. Maybe, it’s the mention of the word that automatically sends us mental images of elegant mansions, designer shoe collections, vacation homes, and sleek cars.

The truth of the matter is that everyone loves lavish merchandise, especially when it comes to interiors— the proof is all around us. Why else would we have television shows that take peaks into celebrity homes, which causes magazines to fly off the shelves? And we love tips on how to give our own home interiors a luxurious feel?

As it turns out, there’s something interesting about how our brains perceive

Does Luxury Items Feel SelfIndulgent We often associate particular feelings with the concept of luxury, lounging on a plush, sofa after a hard day at work, soaking in a hot bath in your elegant Jacuzzi tub, or cooking on a marble kitchen island, or walking on a Persian rug all describe luxury to me.

It would seem that we are not alone in these feelings. I read a study where they found evidence to suggest a link between luxury brands and the area of the brain that controls self-interest. In it, they asked participants to look at images of cars. Half of the group was given highend brands, while the others were given more pragmatic choices.

The researchers found the luxury group experienced brain activity in their medial prefrontal cortexes, which is related to self-reflection and self-relevant

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processing, while the pragmatic group did not.

Who said that a little Luxe was a bad thing?

Your home should feel like an oasis from the outside world in which, you’re constantly catering to others’ needs.

Close your eyes and consider which aspects of home design will make you feel pampered. If you’re not sure, take some time to browse design magazines and websites. Take note of anything that catches your eye, especially if it happens more than once. Then, try to work something similar into your spaces in order to create a luxurious space.

Easy breezy is one of my favorite phrases Convenience and self-indulgence go hand-in-hand. After all, what’s more, selfindulgent than getting the results you want without investing a lot of time? As you go through your day, think about the areas where you notice yourself spending extra time. Could it be in your favorite tufted chair or your silk robe?

Keep in mind that all lux items aren’t always expensive, there are many hidden treasures out there. Here’s a great example, Are you a movie buff with no home theater? Think about Investing in a universal remote that lets you dim the lights and adjust the surround sound from the comfort of your favorite seat. If you enjoy an evening cocktail, put together an outdoor bar area or add a cart to transform your backyard into a patio bar.

Don’t hesitate to keep an eye out for luxurious trends. Who knows? You may end up stumbling upon an extravagance you never thought possible. Creating a small coffee station for your master

bedroom was once unheard of outside of hotels, but is quickly gaining popularity.

As diverse as the particular aspects of the luxury design may be, one statement holds true: Every style has a luxury option. Whether your tastes are ultramodern or tend to veer more towards a comfortable country aesthetic, there are ways to ensure a luxe feel. Follow these tips: Once you have the main components in place, infuse your own style into the room with things like fabrics, accessories, and décor in your design, or if you can’t stop dreaming about chic interiors, work in a few marble, or glass elements. Whatever items you end up choosing, your luxurious foundation will be sure to shine through.

Lux interiors will never go out of style.

Regardless of what fads come and go, we’re always going to feel drawn toward spaces that make us feel amazing, and the funny thing is, it’s only natural. Our brains are wired that way. Take these tips into account as you consider rooms in your home.

What is your definition of luxury?

What have you dreamed about? Which luxe item leaves you in awe? Have you tried to create a lux version in your home? We would love to know, however, if you get stuck or just don’t have time, give us a call, and we would love to create a luxe space just for you. You can give us a call at 972.674.8888 or online at www.LaYerzinteriors.com IG-FB @LaYerzinteriors.

Be Well, Teresa Perkins Interior Design Extraordinaire TPcompany.co – Our Brand

Spotlight Sister Magazine January 2020 41 Contact a member of our staff directly at 972-674-8888 or info@layerzinteriors.com.

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You’re safe here.

Deborah’s Place is a nonprofit for battered women and children.

We offer the following services: ❖ Rental assistance ❖ Educational assistance ❖ Food vouchers and clothing vouchers ❖ Job Readiness & Customer Service Training

OUR MISSION “He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.”

-Psalm 107:20 (kjv) Deborah’s Place and our associated programs seek to prevent domestic and sexual violence by advocating for positive changes in the societal systems that may lead to oppression, fostering a better understanding of domestic and sexual violence through community education, and providing culturally relevant direct services that empower victims of abuse and their children.

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