-KhalilGibran

2022 has been a roller coaster for me Between my relationships, family members and myself, I have lost a lot In the beginning of the year, I lost my grandmother, a woman who my family and I loved dearly She was a selfless human being, who would always putothersbeforeherself Growingup,Iwouldalwaysenjoylistening to her stories in bed with her at night about how she grew up in Guyana She would tell me that she would do anything for us because that is how big her heart was She was the glue to our family and my muse to my non-profit organization, “The Shirley Foundation” A foundation that helps my community through donation drives, charity events etc It still hurts knowing that this year is going to end and I am leaving her behind. Losing my grandmotherwasthehardestthingIhaveeverexperienced There isalotofregretfornotseeingherenoughwhenillinthehospital I amstilldisappointedinmyselffornotmakingabiggerefforttosee her more It was challenging for me to see her the conditions she was in the hospital, helpless and struggling to survive everyday It wasnotamemorythatIwantedtorememberherbyespeciallymy lastmemoryofher IstillgetemotionaleverytimeIdothinkofher for,Iamstillgrievingandmissingherpresenceeverydaysincemy grandmotherandIwouldtalkeverydayandIwouldleanonherfor wisdomandadvice Forexample;therewasatimeshortlyafterher passingthatIwasinthemallandIwouldalwayscallhertoaskif she needed anything but to my realization at that moment that I could no longer contact her It was that moment that I finally realizedandacceptedshewasgoneandIcouldnotstandtobein the mall no more that day I find peace now knowing she is watchingovermeandherlovedones Knowingthatapartofheris withmeinmyheart,Istrivetodomybesttocontinuehavingher beproudofme

Half-waythroughtheyear,Iwasinalong-termedrelationshipthat throughout the year, I was losing myself and depressed I believed thatbeinginlove,youwoulddoanythingforthatperson,butatthe cost,Iwaslosingmyselfandhappinessintheprocess Ilearneda lot from that relationship as I was blinded by love and had pure intentionsandbestinterestformypartner,butunfortunatelyitwas notreciprocated Iwoulddescribemyex-boyfriendasanarcissist EverythingthathimandIhavebeenthroughtogether,Icansaythat he was not a supportive or genuine loving boyfriend towards me Forhimtoputmedownconstantlymakingyoufeelpowerlessand hopeless, can really break your self-esteem down To have someonecontrolwhattosayandactcanmakeyousecondguess yourself IfeltlikeIwaswalkingonthiniceinthatrelationshipdueto thefacthewouldgetupsetifIsaidthewrongthingandvoicedmy concerns to him a negative manner. He always had me second guesshowIwouldcommunicatetohim,forIwasfearedhewould reactnegativelytowardsmycommentsandconcernsIhaveabout therelationshipandanythingingeneral.Ourrelationshiphasgrown so sore to the point that he would not even let me grieve for my grandmother’s passing because I was not giving my attention to him and he was so selfish to just think about himself and not me andwhatIwasgoingthrough

He had severe trust issues also as he did not trust me and was always concerned with my friends that I would hang around He hadmesecondguessthefriendshipsIhadandmylovedones My mind was convinced to leave that relationship, but my unconditional love I had for him convinced me to stay which he wasawareofandtookadvantageoftheloveIhadforhim Iwas too scared to leave I stayed until it was too late and I ended up gettinghurtintheend Ifeltlikenothingmatteranymoretomeand thatwassomethingthatneededtobechangedinmylife Ididnot wantamantocontrolthewayIfeelbecausethatwasgivingthem thepowerovermyownfeelings,somethingthatIcancontroland they cannot I decided to work on myself to regain back my confidence Findingmyselfhasgottentobethebiggestjourneyto beonandcontinuing.

Thegrowthworkingwithchildrenhavegivenmetheopportunityto test myself. I have been working with school-agers for about 4 yearsnow,personallyitwasthebestjobIcouldhavedreamedof because this is my passion But I also felt like I needed to explore otheroptionsbecausethisisthetimeinmylifewhereIhadtolook atwhereItrulyneededtobeformyfuture Istartedtoexplorethe different sections working in childcare and needed to figure out whereIfitintheindustry 7monthslaterIfinallyfoundajobwhereI canbemyselfandcomfortable Ibecameapreschoolteacherto mynewgroupofchildrenthatIlovedearly

I did not realize that I develop a whole new confidence this year When I am not working, I have worked on another passion of mine which is modelling to help regain my self-esteem and self love journey. This year I started to get out of my comfort zone and began to experience other themes of photoshoots It was a differentpointofviewthatIhad.EventhoughIhavebeen in the modelling industry for about 5-6 years now, I still struggle with body image I understand that today, especially on social media, we expect to look a certain way This honestly was a challenge for me, my body image really affected me in a way where I would obsessivelycheckmyweighteverydaytomakesurethat Ididnotgain IhadacertainweightthatIlikestayingat andformetoconstantlycheckwhatmyweightwasvery unhealthytome Iwouldbarelyeatthroughouttheday because I either wanted to lose the weight or I thought that if I ate, I would gain It is something that I am still workingonslowlybutgettingbettereveryday

Favorite directions in wedding photos fashion. I shot in Germany, Italy, Greece 2 years ago I moved to Spain for living (which of course is very happy) Now i have regular customers, but I can not stand still I must always develop!

Yesterday, by the way I held the first live broadcast on Instagram on the drawing) in the new year in the plan to shoot in Italy, Morocco, France also finish writing a course on photography and start to teaching those who wish) I always approach the shooting seriously preparing in advance: inspiration, weather, script, equipment as it gives confidence in action, but! In 70% of cases it is improvisation

Believe in yourself, love what youvare doung and you will succeed

In 2008, i took the camera in my hands first time And for a long time, it was a hobby. Parallelly engaged in other businesses Time passed, I received grateful feedback. Periodically something from the technique changed something I bought by the way I started with the Canon 350 d and the lens 24-85 35f, now I use Canon r6 with different lens, technology has stepped strongly into the forward I.m from the Siberian small town in Russia and where we have almost 8 months of winter in a couple the temperature dropped to -52