5 minute read
The Adoption Journey
BY CHRISTINA MCGAIRK
Andrea Mae of Muncie, Indiana, is an extraordinary woman whose story is a testament to the fact that families come in all shapes, sizes, and abilities As we celebrate World Adoption Month, Andrea’s journey through adoption, parenthood, and ultimately divorce, serves as a powerful narrative of love, strength, and new beginnings
Andrea’s journey into motherhood began with the adoption of her oldest daughter, Abigail. At the time, Andrea and her husband decided to adopt their first child after several years of trying to get pregnant They later adopted Shilo when Abigail was 3 Both were born with exceptional needs.
Andrea knew she wanted to adopt children as long as she could remember, “I’ve always been interested in adoption, especially kids with disabilities because they were less likely to be adopted and more likely to be abused in the foster care system.”
Abigail was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis type 1 when she was 9 months old. This led to having a tumor removed from her leg She also has a tumor in her optic nerve that is monitored but has never needed any sort of treatment According to the Mayo Clinic website neurofibromatosis type 1, also known as NF1, is a genetic disorder that can cause skin pigment changes and tumors in the nervous system NF1 is also linked to learning disorders, ADHD, and speech delays
Shilo, who was adopted through the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network, was born with heart defects, epilepsy, and hypothyroidism, all of which are associated with Down syndrome. She had her first heart surgery shortly after birth and her second at 3 months old after contracting a virus She is g-tube fed and uses a wheelchair to get around.
Then came Asher, Andrea’s biological child, who was born 10 years into her marriage. Andrea developed preeclampsia during her pregnancy, and Asher was born at 36 weeks, weighing 3 pounds 13 ounces He had a string of birth defects, including congenital scoliosis and a tethered spinal cord. Recently he had a brain tumor removed from his cerebellum. “His tumor didn’t metastasize,” said Andrea “The surgery was curative with no chemo or radiation needed.”
Despite his health challenges, Asher was the perfect little addition to their family However, Andrea’s marriage took an unexpected turn that led to divorce after 16 years of marriage. “It’s been a struggle as a single parent now balancing appointments and a job, but I think we’re getting there most days,” she said
Andrea has found strength in her children, who have distinct personalities.
Abigail, 16, is a kind and funny teen who believes in fighting the injustices of the world She also loves horror movies and wants to be a forensic scientist. Shilo, 12, is a spicy preteen who has a smile that brightens up the room. Asher, 9, is a fierce protector of those he loves, especially his sister Shilo. He loves coding and gaming and wants to be a video game creator when he grows up.
Andrea’s faith has also strengthened since the divorce and her church family at Urban Light Community Church has been a huge support in her life She serves on the church board and is involved in special education and disability advocacy Part of her advocacy included co-authoring a book with Jody Michele and Pastor Andrew T. Draper entitled “Disabling Leadership: A Practical Theology of the Broken Body of Christ ”
Andrea has been working as a special education instructional aide, but after she graduates from Ball State University in December, she will be an intensive intervention special education teacher We asked her a few pertinent questions about adoption
1.) How has adoption changed you as aperson andasa parent?
It has pushed me to really think about what being selfless means Pushing my feelings aside and not making it about me Parenting [these children] made me realize how important biological connections to our families are. It’s the natural order of things and what we need
2 ) What strategies have you found effective in helping your adopted children feel secureand loved?
I think that’s one of the biggest things about adoption. You have to go into it knowing that love doesn’t fix things Adoption is trauma because they don’t get to experience being raised by their family. You have to sit in their pain It’s painful because it’s not the way the world is supposed to work. We’ve been intentional by reading books by adoptees, joining adoptee Facebook groups,
approaching it from the source. Abigail wants to learn more about the civil rights movement. I will probably find books by black writers because it makes it more personal for her. I think that’s important
3.) What do you wish more people understood aboutadoption?
4 ) If you could dispel one myth about adoption, what woulditbe?
5.) How do you plan to continue supporting adoption awareness and advocacy in your community?
When people come up to me and ask about adoption, I try to be a bit raw and honest. I let them know it’s not an easy path, especially if you go into it just because you want to be a parent. I share books that have important information from birth moms I share more of the hard things now about adoption in general because that wasn’t readily available when we went through the adoption process For instance, I focus more on how to walk through adopted children’s trauma with them
Andrea Mae of Muncie, Indiana, is an extraordinary woman whose story is a testament to the fact that families come in all shapes, sizes, and abilities.
