Featured Family: Meet The Geddes Family

Photos by 21 Vines Photography

Bound by the sacred vows of marriage, Erin and Matt embarked on a journey that would traverse geographical and emotional landscapes. Their story began with a casual dinner at Red Robin, a meeting orchestrated by an online dating site. Erin, a San Diego native, and Matt, whose parents were officers with The Salvation Army, found themselves moving from one end of the country to the other within their first year of marriage.

When a job opportunity beckoned Erin to become a youth director, it prompted a cross-country move from the Pacific Northwest, with its lush landscapes and unpredictable weather, to central New York and its long, snowy winters. A week before their first anniversary, they were loaded up in a Penske moving truck, battling the snow that comes with moving during the dead of winter to their new home. Their first year of marriage had gone well. Erin recalled that there weren’t any surprises as they learned to know each other better now that they were under the same roof. She saw it as a testament to having gone through a lot of real-life challenges together before they were married. Little did they know that this move would mark the start of a tumultuous yet transformative chapter in their lives.

As Erin embraced her role as a youth director, she faced the additional challenge of navigating life with a recent diagnosis of ADHD accompanied by anxiety and depression. The cultural shift from the laidback West Coast to the fast-paced East was exacerbated by professional demands that seemed almost insurmountable. Despite the overwhelming nature of her job, Erin chose transparency, disclosing her mental health conditions to her new employer. The revelation, however, came at a cost — job benefits were lost, and challenges loomed on the horizon.

Amidst the chaos, Eliza and Nolan, the Geddeses’ first two children, entered the picture. Pediatrician visits during their preschool years never brought up any hint of autism spectrum disorder. Because they weren’t presenting with the easier to spot characteristics associated with autistic kids--like not responding to their name, lack of eye contact, no expressions of affection, living in their own world—Eliza and Nolan’s diagnoses were missed. “Once their speech and motor skill delays became apparent, we were able to start the journey of early intervention services, Erin said. Struggling to balance work, childcare, and the demands of her part-time job, Erin made the difficult choice to step away and focus on raising the children full-time. A year and a half later, Alden joined the family, further complicating the already intricate tapestry of early parenthood for the Geddeses.

In a surprising turn of events, Matt faced his own ADHD diagnosis. The revelation, while initially met with resistance, marked a turning point in the couple’s relationship. Struggles within their marriage that defied explanation suddenly made sense, prompting Matt to acknowledge his own challenges with executive functioning.

The couple soon encountered yet another major transition. A job promotion for Matt necessitated a move from New York to Indianapolis. Changing schools, making new friends, and acclimating to a different community became the new norm. Being a one car family made navigating all of this more difficult. “We had left some very strong friendships with other families with young children,” Erin said. “The kinds that helped you survive the long snowy winter months. Indianapolis was so much bigger, making it hard to discover new connections with others in our stage of life.” Little did they know that the pandemic, a global disruptor, would further amplify their family’s unique challenges.

As schools shifted abruptly to virtual classrooms and therapy services were paused, the Geddes children grappled with increased anxiety and dysregulation. Recognizing the need for support, Erin and Matt made the decision to put their older children on antianxiety medication during the early months of the pandemic. This decision, while met with its own set of challenges, aimed to provide stability in the face of uncertainty.

Meanwhile, Erin, grappling with her family’s mental health struggles and her own identity, delved into research that unveiled a revelation. Conversations with extended family members hinted at the intersection of her already diagnosed ADHD and the potential of autism, and how these conditions manifest differently in men and women. Pursuing an adult autism evaluation, Erin sought to understand herself better, unlocking a truth that would reshape their family narrative.

The diagnosis of autism, both for Erin and soon after for all her children, brought clarity and a newfound perspective. Eliza and Nolan’s differences became more pronounced – Eliza excelled academically while Nolan faced challenges. Alden fell somewhere in between.

Navigating the complexities of neurodiverse parenting, Erin and Matt found solace in conventional avenues. Church, a long-standing community hub, became a source of support, and introducing the kids to sports had surprising benefits. Learning to ride horses provided Eliza with a blend of social interaction and sensory awareness. Nolan embraced wrestling, finding an outlet for sensory issues. Alden joined his siblings in learning taekwondo.

Erin has always found solace in creativity. She is self taught in various mediums, including woodworking and home renovation. However, the true test came when she ventured beyond her comfort zone and extended her visual creativity from previous illustration work into the domain of writing, where the scars of past language arts education trauma resurfaced. Feedback from an editor specializing in the techniques of poetry, meter, and rhythm left her perplexed, often on the verge of tears. She struggled with moments of despair and the temptation to abandon the writing project. But she persevered, and the outcome was a children’s book, crafting a narrative that not only embraced differences but shattered stereotypes. Her transformative journey, from a girl navigating the terrain of the 80s and 90s public school system before she was diagnosed, to published author and Illustrator, was a testament to the formidable forces of resilience and self-discovery.

The ongoing challenges they face, from raising Josannah, a service dog that is now part of their family, to the continued search for meaningful friendships in their new community, remind us that, in the face of adversity, understanding and embracing differences can lead to unexpected and beautiful transformations. Erin and Matt’s journey, a tapestry woven with threads of love, challenges, and self-discovery, serves as a beacon for others facing the labyrinth of neurodiversity.

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“And That’s Okay I’m Wired Differently”