MadeinChina Written by 傑森龍 GS Jackson © 2009 LOL Entertainment Group Limited
Prelude MW’sConception My daddy told me I was conceived in a bar. Not actually. But the idea of me was conceived in a bar. He told me he was trying to talk to this blonde woman with huge hooters. Hooters are my daddy’s word for breasts. Some people call them tits. Anyway both were very strange – because he lived in Hong Kong. And my daddy told me that beautiful blonde woman were rare in Hong Kong – especially ones with huge tits. My daddy was a very good looking man back then – he says. So its odd that this woman wouldn’t sleep with him. But he tried and tried to get her to go back with him to his flat. And she refused. That’s when he said he suddenly had an epiphany. My daddy explained to me that epiphany’s are “oh shit” moments. Where your entire life comes to a screeching halt. You don’t know who you are anymore. You don’t know why you do what you do. And you suddenly want to be a different person. That’s also when he said he discovered what love was. And it didn’t involve having all his clothes off. Uncle Bob told me later, that the words my daddy used to tell him that he was changed was this, “I am tired of searching for the woman of my dreams. I want to adopt her.” Uncle Bob thought daddy was a pervert. Daddy explained to me that a pervert is someone who likes to have sex with sheep like people from New Zealand. “So you are going to adopt a girl to have sex with? That’s fucking sick…” Bob’s face was all turned up and sour. “What are you going all Woody Allen on me?” Jason shook his head profusely. “No, no, no, man! Not like that. I mean, I am tired of having a life of no meaning. I am making good money. I travel the world. But I feel empty. Just completely empty. All the sex in the world can’t fill the void of my life.” “What are you saying?” And Bob took another swig of his San Miguel. “I want to learn to be unselfish. I want to give unconditional love.” “Sounds like you want to learn to be gay.” “No, dude, I am serious. I want to start a family.”
“So you are going to Manila to order a wife?” “No, no, man. Not like that. I want a family. But I don’t want a wife.” “What?!’ “My company has a benefit that pays for adoption. I am adopted. I know what it feels like to be unwanted. I want to go to China and adopt a little girl.” Bob choked on his beer. Foam covered his face and then he wiped it off with the back of his hand. “What the fuck are you talking about dude? You don’t even know how to feed or clothe yourself? I have to remind you to buy condoms and toilet paper once a week. And you want to raise a kid?’ “Women do it all the time. They are professional. Want a family but do not want the drama of an unhealthy marriage. Look at Murphy Brown and Angelina Jolie. Why can’t men want that too?” “Murphy Brown is a television series. And Angelina has Brad Pitt. Men do the impregnanting We are the hunters. Women are the gatherers. Dude this ain’t a goldfish or a god damn dog. It’s a living breathing person. A little girl! Do you know anything about little girls? What about when she becomes a teenager? How are you going to explain about her period? How about sex with boys? Dude, you are crazy. Insane.” Jason Teah stopped and suddenly he saw the rest of his life – now and after this decision. “Dude, I am empty. And I want to give back. Or at least I want to learn ho w to truly love something.” “You need to get some pussy man. All that backed up semen is affecting your thinking.” Jason shook his head again. “No, no, man. I want to adopt a little girl from China. I want to give her a better life. And I think in turn – she will show me how…” “…how what? How to change diapers? How to breast feed? They do not come with instruction booklets.” “…how to love man. For thirty years I have been chasing tail, deluding myself that I am looking for the one. Maybe the one for me was not born yet. And my purpose in life is to raise her.” Bob stared at him for a long time. He looked in Jason’s eyes – tried to find the sense he was making. But he knew his friend was completely off his rocker. He was fucked. And sadly, he knew Jason was stubborn. He was going to do this whether he liked it or not.
“Okay, okay. If you are serious, there is one more thing I want you to think about. That little girl is going to become baggage. Do you know how hard it is for women to date you? Or how it will be to accept her – this little girl of yours? If you think its hard now – its going to be harder later. How many women – either Asian or Western who will want to date an American guy with an adopted Chinese little girl? They are going to think you knocked up some Asian chick and are stuck with the baby. Or they are going to be jealous of the love you have for her. I don’t think you have thought all this through.” Jason stared off into space. Again, he saw his life. Saw this little girl already. And he loved her more than life. “No problem.” So if I was born when daddy tried to knock up the blonde chick. He named me when he told my Uncle Bob what he was going to do. I am May Wan Teah. But my friends call me MW.