Sacrifice (Hong Kong) Sophia and I walked fast hand in hand to the IFC. We were both late. She was running to catch her flight and I was running to my photo shoot and open mic at TakeOutComedy.com. At where the escalators went down, I pulled her close and kissed her. “Be careful. See you in a couple of weeks,” I said. “I miss you already,” she said and looked at me sadly. “It’s the sacrifice we must make.” I hugged her. “You need to get going, you are already late. You cannot miss the next Airport Express train – or then you will miss your flight.” “Why are you such in a hurry to get me out of Hong Kong?” she asked pointedly. I was taken back. “What do you mean?” “You are in an awful hurry to get me out of here.” I was angry. I didn’t like what she was alluding to. “Look, I am late for my photo shoot. I promised Jami I would be there before 9.” “Okay,” and she leaned in and kissed me hard. And we pulled away – felt the gravity of us – still yank us towards each other – and then I went off spinning in the opposite direction towards the SoHo escalator.
At the end, Jami finally got up to thank all of us for coming out to Open Mic. “Funny, the room is full of twelve comedians. No audience,” Jami laughed. “But don’t forget we got Macau coming up and proud to say that Singapore Take Out Comedy is also doing their Open Mic tonight.” We all clapped.
“I appreciate all the hard work everyone is doing and I will see you most of you this weekend. Or I will see you at the Corner Shop for beers in a little bit.” The crowd dissipated. Jami came up to me. “We need to do this photo shoot of you.” “Sure thing. That’s why I wore my clean clothes,” I smiled. And he went to the back to get his professional camera and tripod. Dennis, the only German born standup comedian at Take Out Comedy, was lingering around. “Where is Sophia? Will she be able to pop out of my birthday cake this weekend?” I laughed. “I am not sure if your wife would like that.” “It’s my birthday.” And he smiled to himself. “I told my wife that I get a blowjob this weekend. And she asked me ‘why?’ And I said, ‘it’s my birthday.’” We laughed. Jami returned and started setting up the tripod. “Go ahead and get on stage.” So I got up alone on the stage and started taking my comedian pose – pulling the microphone off its stand, threading the cable with my hand, and pulling the stand to the side of me. Then finally I rested the microphone on or near my chin. Jami stood close and tried to maneuver the tripod. “Don’t look at me,” he commanded. “Okay, should I look sexy or funny?” “Well I think you trying to look sexy is funny – so you choose,” Jami said through the side of his mouth. I tried to look at the camera and not look at the camera at the same time. “Don’t look at the camera. Look over my left shoulder,” he commanded pushing buttons on the camera. Dennis was behind him seeing the LCD screen. I couldn’t figure out if he meant his left or my left. So I blankly tried to focus on a photo on the back wall. “That’s good.” And I heard the camera make a digital snapshot sound. I moved around and looked over the other shoulder. This time I saw Dennis looking at the screen. He gave a thumbs-up.
I smiled without thinking. And then I heard the digital snapshot sound again. “Pretty good.” And Jami took his focus off the camera and moved the tripod somewhere else near the end of the stage. “So how is Take Out Comedy doing?” I asked. “Man, you see it. Its growing by leaps and bounds. Singapore, Macau – 2 years here – and soon to be in Manila when we do our trip in a couple of weeks. Doing great.” “I mean did you ever doubt it would work?” “You doubt yourself secretly sometimes. But not the idea. The idea was always golden. It just takes you to let go of your usual straight life and take a chance. Just jump.” He fidgeted the camera. “Also what sacrifice is it really if you are happy? Doing something you love. Others might not understand. But they will see you are happy.” He went quiet. “Stop looking at the camera.” I looked away and acted like I was talking to an imaginary audience. There was a third digital snapshot sound. He pulled away from his camera with a sideways grin and his bald head reflecting the light of the spotlight, “Hey I am doing what I love. You can’t complain about that, right?” He unfastened the camera from the tripod. “Come down and check these out.” I replaced the microphone, pulled the mic stand center stage, and stepped down. I went behind him and pushed a small arrow button on the camera a couple of times then paused on an image. Then the arrow button and paused on the next image. The final image was the best. “Wow, I like that one a lot.” “Good. Okay that’s it.” Jami said and turned the camera off and started moving between the chairs of the audience to relocate the tripod to the back. “You going to the Corner Shop?” I looked at Dennis. Dennis’ big shoulders shrugged. “I don’t think so. I haven’t eaten anything.” Dennis spoke up. “Yeah, I am starving too.” “Okay guys – see you this weekend.” And Jami disappeared in a closet. Dennis and I made the trek up the stairs to Elgin Street.
Dennis and I settled on saving money and grabbed Subway sandwiches to go. We sat on a bench under the SoHo / Mid-Levels escalator. “So how old are you going to be?” I asked Dennis as we took bites out of sandwiches. “Thirty.” “No way man! You are thirty!” “Yes, I know I look twenty-one.” I laughed because I knew he was joking. Because of his height and size, he looked my age or older. “And you already have kids?” “Three.” “Three! Come man don’t bullshit me.” “Not bullshitting. Two step children and a little boy who is one years old.” “Wow. That’ awesome.” “It’s a lot of work. And right now I am the stay at home dad keeping the family together. My wife is the bread winner.” “Wow, that’s cool. You are living the new family.” “Actually keeping up with the kids is hard. Harder than a corporate job. And I don’t mind it. When my little boy is napping, I do programming and play around building web applications and tools for Linux.” “Wow. Do you feel like your losing your experience as you stay at home?” “Sometimes I go stir crazy. Yes. But do I regret spending time with my family? No way man.” I pulled out my Subway bag. “You want a cookie?” “You got an extra?” “I bought two.” “Sure man,” and Dennis dug his hand into the transparent bag and pulled out the cookie wrapped in Subway sandwich paper. “Do your parents visit from Germany often?”
“They did. They came and visited right after I moved here in 2006. When my father got back to Germany, he was diagnosed with cancer. He died a year later.” “I am sorry.” “No, its okay. I flew back to spend three weeks with him before he passed away.” “That’s good.” “Yeah, but you know living so far away from your family is very hard. I am the only son…” I interrupted, “I am too.” “So yeah, it’s hard. I felt guilty living on the side of the world. And my father suffering. But I will say those three weeks we spent together were the best weeks I have ever had with my dad. I didn’t want to leave Germany.” He started balling up the paper that wrapped his sandwich and started pulling off the paper from his cookie. “Sadly, when I left, my father died a week later.” “Man. That’s horrible.” “Not really. I got to spend some great days with my dad. Sometimes though I feel bad that maybe I made him worse. We talked the whole time. I pushed him around everywhere in a wheelchair. Maybe I made him exhausted and he had no energy to fight.” “You know, that’s not true.” “Maybe.” “You know I am thinking about the same thing. You know I made a joke about my dad having surgery on his balls. But I am very worried about him. I am worried about my parents. And I feel guilty following my own life – selfishly – not considering their ailments or what’s going on with them.” Dennis took a big bite out of his peanut butter cookie. “Well let me tell you. Our parents sacrificed for us – to have us – to raise us. You will never regret sacrificing a little of your life to go and take care of them – spending time with them – now – while they are alive. But if you don’t go take care of them – spending time with them – you will spend the rest of your life regretting that.” “Yeah,” I said aloud. But the thought pierced me.
“Sacrifice. It’s all about sacrifice. The love I have for my wife. And I took her children from her previous marriage as my own. If you love someone, you sacrifice.” I was quiet and heard the crunching of the cookie in my mouth. “Does it mean if you love someone – you sacrifice loving them? Sometimes that even means you let them go so they can find a better happiness? Or one they are comfortable with?” “If you both have come to the realization that loving each other is not worth the sacrifice.” “What if one cannot make a decision about the realization? Or what if sacrifice means fear? Afraid of being happy.” Dennis was quick to answer. “You already know the answer to that, don’t you?” “What I think is - the good minutes, the good seconds – outweigh the days and days of waiting. Outweigh the days and days of nothing – just memories of those good minutes, good seconds. That’s my sacrifice. But even in the end – you still do not know if things will work out.” Dennis watched me. “No one knows.” And then he licked the tips of his fingers. “Man, this conversation took a strange turn.” That’s when I felt my phone vibrating as if it was getting an SMS. I pulled my mobile out and saw a message from Sophia. “I missed my flight. Stranded. Coming back.” I also noticed there were two missed calls. “Shit,” I said aloud. “What is it?” Dennis said balling up all this trash. “Sophia missed her flight. She doesn’t have a key to my apartment. I got to go and meet her.” Dennis laughed. “That’s great! Now she can pop out of my birthday cake!” I stood balling up my own trash. “That will be the first question I ask her.” And we shook hands. “Auf weidersen.” I said.
When I got off the elevator inside my building, Sophia was sitting on her luggage and typing on her laptop. She was using the WIFI seeping out from my apartment.
“What happened?’ She looked embarrassed. “I got there too late. They wouldn’t let me board. I am sorry.” “Don’t worry,” I said. And I helped move her luggage off the door and I unlocked the door. I opened it for her and let her enter first. “You sure? I probably screwed up your dates with other girls.” I gave a shocked look. “What are you talking about?” “I know you were trying to get me out of Hong Kong to meet up with other girls.” “Are you crazy?” She was quiet and pulled off her shoes and put them against the living room wall. “I am sorry I screwed up your plans.” “Please stop it. I am not dating other girls.” “Of course you are.” “Look, now I wish you did catch your flight. I don’t want you staying here accusing me of doing something I am not doing. Remember what I have told you – either you trust me or you don’t. If you don’t, let’s not waste our time trying to build something.” “See you already pushing me out.” I stopped from saying anything. Then I just said the first words that I thought of, “Fuck you.” And my face turned angry. She looked at me. And then she laughed hard. “Fuck you,” she said. And she leaned in and kissed me. “I love it when you get your angry face.” When Sophia pulled away, I just stood there watching her starting to pull things out of her suitcase. She was normal again. I was already emotionally drained. And I thought about my life – at that moment. And I wondered what life was I building in Hong Kong? Suddenly my home in Hong Kong didn’t seem like my home anymore.
Written by GS Jackson, Š 2009 LOL Entertainment Group, LLC (USA) Limited (HKG)