Issuu

Written by 傑森龍 GS Jackson Taken from soulparking.com/blogs/2010/01/2

Burn the Ships (Sydney, Australia) As the day got closer and closer it got harder and harder to sleep because a million thoughts were going through my mind – and the details for the preparation seemed endless. And the possibilities of the outcome were infinite. Maybe this is why I woke up from a nightmare of ships burning. They were like those in Pirates of the Caribbean movies – wooden naked women pointing out with their hands on the bow of the ship, large oak masts, and long, flowing sails – but with the hull broken on the shore, leaning on their side, flames licking the sky and ash being blown out to the orange sand. And I stood there and watched them burn. I was afraid. Not afraid of the fire. Not of the danger. But I was afraid of the thought that kept circling in my head, “What now?” I looked around and I was alone. I yelled out, “What now?!” I heard my own echo and the crackle of the flames. “WHAT NOW?!” And my voice was so loud that it woke me up. I sat up straight in my hotel bed with the bright, bright Australian summer sunshine beating down on me. I looked over at the digital red LED of the alarm clock and it was before 7 in the morning. I ran my hand over my face and looked over at my Blackberry and saw the red message light blinking. I let out a nervous breath trying to remind myself that I was not dreaming anymore and checked my messages. It was Isra. “Such a long day and so tired but I cannot sleep!” and the message was only a couple of minutes old. I replied, “I just woke up from a bad dream.” I then stood up and went to the bathroom to run water over my face. I stood there in the sink and looked at myself. And I said it out loud again, “What now?” I heard my Blackberry vibrate against the wood of the dresser. I went back to the table and picked it up. It was Isra again, “You okay?” I started typing something but instead I pushed the button to call her. Her voice sounded tired. “Hello.” “Hey I just thought it would be best if I called you.”

She repeated what she had typed, “You okay?” “I don’t know. I had the weirdest dream. It wasn’t scary. But it seemed so real.” “What was it?” “Burning ships.” “Like boats?” “Yeah, burning boats on the shore.” “Were you on it?” “No. I was on the shore watching them burn.” Isra said nothing. “Strange dreams right?” She yawned. “Yes.” “It woke me up.” “I think you should avoid boats that are transporting fuel,” and she laughed. “Yeah. Oil tankers will not be in my immediate future.” But then I went to the window and looked down on the street that had buses and taxis coming and going. “What do you think it means?” “Are you worried about something?” I paused. “Yes. Yes, I am.” “What?” I had promised myself I wouldn’t tell anyone but I felt my secret slipping out. “I don’t think I should tell you this over the phone. I think I should tell you face to face.” I heard her wake up and her voice get stronger, “What do you want to say? Just say it.” “Hey, hey. Don’t freak out. You are just going to think I am crazy.” “Just say it.”

“In a couple of days I am going to do something.” “Burn the ships?” she said mockingly. But I was serious when I answered. “Yeah. But only figuratively.” -To my new friends I had met while in Sydney and some co-workers I was spending all my time working with through the holidays, I sent them email invites to my last comedy show at The Laugh Garage. Unexpectedly, they all sent messages back that they were definitely coming. That’s when I got nervous. I didn’t tell them – I wasn’t really sure if I was going to get to perform. John had warned me the night before that if his local comedians showed up – they would take priority over me. I nodded and said I understood. But that’s why I showed up early. But when I arrived, so had they. The side tables and chairs off from the stage were filled and glasses with scotch, beer bottles, and Red Bull cans littered the table top. “Hey John,” I said. He looked me up and down. Then I swallowed hard. “I was going to see if you had anytime for me tonight?” Then the older gentleman beside him spoke out with a British accent, “So you think you are fucking funny? Do ya?” And the table laughed. John spoke up, “Lately, Jackson has been here more than you have.” The table yelled out and slapped the table. John wrote something down on his paper. “Sure. You got five minutes.” “Thanks, I really appreciate it.” And then turned quickly to the bar and ordered my two Coronas. That’s when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Jaime my co-worker and new friend originally from El Salvador but now a Sydney transient resident. We worked through the holidays together because his wife and child were back in El Salvador and he worked to pass the time until they returned. He and I

had gotten incredibly close because we had been the only two people in the entire office complex over Christmas and New Year’s – and as we did our job we talked about our families, our experiences in life, and hopes for the future. “You want something?” I asked quickly. “Yeah to buy you those Coronas,” and he flashed money to the bartender. “Dude you don’t have to do that.” “No man, I am here to help you get warmed up for your show.” I patted him on the back hard. “Just remember when you get famous.” “That’s not my goal. This is my therapy.” The bartender handed over the drinks to me and got him his Blonde. She put something in the cash register and then gave him his change. “Cheers.” And he held out his beer bottle to clink. “Cheers.” And I pushed down my lime into the neck of the bottle and then we took a sip together. “So what are you going to get off your chest tonight doing stand up comedy?” And he took another quick swig. “But what I am doing in a couple of days.” He laughed because I had told him when the idea first formed in my head but was too afraid to act upon it. “How you going to make it funny?” I turned up the bottle and shrugged. “Not sure yet. I am still working on it.” “How confident are you?” “Inside – not too much. But funny – on the outside – I keep seeing signs. It’s like God is pointing me in this direction.” Jaime was very active in the Catholic Church and upon our first day of working together – he turned to me and said something incredibly endearing, “God made you to touch other’s people’s lives.” He nodded. “Yeah, God will reveal himself in the craziest of ways and the smallest of signs.”

“Well he is doing it in a major way. Or either I am just perceiving everything through what I am about to do.” “To what you are going to do.” And Jaime clinked his beer bottle against mine. “To what I am going to do.” We were quiet and listened to the other comedians sitting next to us laughing at one of their own jokes. Jaime then coughed as he drank something the wrong way. “Hey, man. What’s wrong with your phone? I tried calling you before I got her but it went straight to voice mail.” I pulled my phone out and the screen was glowing white with the message in a very, very small font, “JVM Error” and on the next line with an underline “Reset”. I moved my thumbwheel over the “Reset” link and clicked down on it. The Blackberry rebooted. But then suddenly, the white screen with the very, very small font returned. “I don’t know.” Jaime saw it. “Man, that’s not a good sign. I think it’s dead.” I took out the battery out and reset the SIM card. Then when I turned the power back on – the white screen with the very, very small black letters, “JVM Error” returned. But suddenly I looked up at Jaime. “Funny that my phone would die now.” “Why?” Jaime asked. “Well all my old girlfriends – hook ups – my past is on this phone – including the SMS’s. But if this phone is dead – then I lost it all.” “I think that’s God showing you something.” And he winked. I laughed. “Don’t look back?” “Yeah. Burn the ships.” And Jaime saw me tense up. “What?” “I had a nightmare about that last night.” “Burning the ships?” he asked. “Yeah.” “Maybe that was your burning bush.”

“Yeah, I guess burning the ships is what I am supposed to do. Go forward. Not back. Burning the ships is good right?” “Well if you were originally from Latin America nearly five hundred years ago, the Spanish burning their ships sucked for us.” We laughed. -After my set and during the intermission I returned to the bar and the other comedian that went after me, named Ray, came up and hit me on the shoulder. “Great set man.” “Thanks. You killed as well.” I said humbly. Because I knew I hadn’t done great. It was a tough crowd but Ray who went up after me ripped the crowd into pieces. “So you really from Hong Kong?” “Yeah. And you?” “My family is from Hong Kong but I have never been there. So you can call me a banana. Yellow on the outside but white on the inside. And I guess you are an egg? White on the outside and yellow on the inside.” I laughed. “Are you really going to do what you joked about on stage?” he said motioning to the stage which was lit now with the house lights. “Yeah. And I am scared as hell.” He put out his fist like President Obama. “Put it here.” And we fist bumped. “That kicks ass.” -I got back to the hotel close to 1 am and went straight to Facebook. Upon logging in I noticed that I had a message from Sophia. We were trying to keep our communication and break up amicable. Before answering her message, I clicked on her profile. That’s when I saw him. Her new boyfriend.

And worse yet, he was very good looking. She had a huge crush on Enrique Iglesias – and this guy could have been his brother or a first cousin. And even though we were not dating anymore, I was so filled with jealously. And then I felt stupid. Because I really wanted her to find happiness. But I couldn’t shake the jealousy. I went back to her message and she was asking me politely to remove some of the pictures I had taken of her from my Facebook photo albums. She said it was because she was starting a new business venture and was afraid her new partners would think less of her. But I knew why she wanted me to delete them. She was moving on. And she wanted no remnants of her past. And she didn’t want them to cause any issues in her new relationship. I totally understood. But I couldn’t stop feeling jealous. Without waiting, I went straight to my photo albums and she was right. My picture albums looked like a shrine to Sophia and our trips together around Asia and South Africa. And without going inside them to sulk about love lost – I hit delete. One photo album after the other photo album – I hit delete. And in five minutes or less, a year and half of memories were gone. I sent her a reply. “Pictures deleted. Shouldn’t cause you any problems anymore.” And I took one last look at her profile picture beside her message and my dream came back to me. Then I said quietly, “Burn the ships.” I went to my friends listing and beside her profile I deleted her as a friend. Not in spite or anger but I knew that seeing the new pictures of her new love and her statuses would destroy me. And she deserved to be happy. Just then my internet time ran out. I stood up and turned around and looked at myself in the full length mirror in the hall and I asked myself, “What now?” But I knew the answer already. Mount Everest.