Honoring Our LGBTQ Heroes

Our LGBTQ Heroes

WHEN I THINK OF THE WORD “HERO” ➺ I think of someone who places their values and the welfare of others before their own security.

In other words, someone willing to make a personal sacrifi ce for the good of others and the many.

The dictionary defi nes a “hero” as someone who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.

Heroes range from one’s family and friends to persons in the public eye, and come in many forms in life. Most people select a hero who inspires them to become a better person.

This is especially true in the

LGBTQ community where in the beginning we often feel isolated, unsure where to fi nd others like ourselves, so we search for someone to identify with. For me, my fi rst LGBTQ hero was a fellow law student when

I attended law school in Washington DC in the early 1990s. I describe the time period as “pre-Ellen” before Ellen DeGeneres came out of the closet ushering an onslaught of personalities, some fi ctional, some real, coming out on television and fi lm. It was also right after the HIV/AIDS epidemic of the 1980s, which made every gay person, but mostly men, fearful of coming out concerned of public backlash and ostracism. Then along came

Adam.

Adam attended another law school than mine.

We met at a gay bar in Dupont Circle. Being both law students and from New York City, we became instant friends. What I admired most about

Adam was his confi dence. Intelligent and insanely attractive, confi dence would be easy for him.

Yet what stood out was his confi dence to be out with his straight friends. Being comfortable with who he was as a gay man who passed for straight

Pre-Ellen during the AIDS crisis was utterly irresistible. I was still in the closet living a double life and hating it. The idea of being myself with everyone was so enticing but frightening. Adam taught me how I could be myself and live as a proud gay man with everyone. It wasn’t an overnight change. I still hesitated. That hesitation left me open for abuse. In my case, fellow law students at my school attempted to blackmail me. The result was overwhelming shame and confusion that led to me to drop out of law school. I returned home to NYC. That’s when I met my second LGBTQ hero. His name is Guy, and we dated. He was the complete package: smart and handsome, and most hard to come by – stable. He was a lawyer and was close to his family, which included an exwife and daughter. I was close to mine. He taught me that you can be openly gay combining your family life with your gay life. The thought of introducing my parents to my gay friends or someone I was dating was entirely foreign to me, and something I thought at the time I would never do. To be welcomed, not only by his parents and siblings, but by his ex-wife, who was the mother of his child, was an eye-opening experience that altered my view of LGBTQ and straight relations forever. It was no longer us and them; rather just us. Breaking free of my fear opened more opportunity and brought my family closer than ever. No more sneaking around. No more lies to cover my tracks. I was free.

If anyone would have suggested to me back then that someday I would be the founder and publisher of an LGBTQ publication, I would have thought them crazy. I could never imagine myself to become that visible in the public eye. Yet here we are – and I could not be happier. Hopefully, my work will inspire others. Maybe not to come out, but to live their life free to explore the endless possibilities so that they may live life to the fullest.

There is a sense of peace, of relief, to be free of your fear. For that, Adam and Guy are forever my heroes.

John Sotomayor

Publisher and Editor-in-Chief