I’M IN A LDR… WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

DESIGN BY LEAH ROMERO + GETTY IMAGES

HOW DO WE MOVE FORWARD? Words by CATY PENZA

Q: I’m 25 and I got into a relationship with a guy that just moved to another country. We’ve been friends for years but have both moved around for work - yet, for the last six months we just so happened to be in the same place for long enough time to rekindle our friendship, and also fall for each other. I’ve always told myself I would never get into a long-distance relationship because I wasn’t the ‘type’ to, but I guess I was wrong. Where do I go from here? What do I need to know to make it work? Dear reader, you’ve come to the right place. Grab a pen and paper (or your preferred digital device) and take notes. Long-distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. They’re complicated and difficult to keep up with - some of us barely manage to keep ourselves together, so imagine having to also think about someone else who’s possibly not even in the same time zone. But there’s a [major] silver lining - if a LDR works out until you have the chance

to finally join lives in the same city, it’s likely you’re set for life. You see, there’s three main areas of the relationship that now need some extra love and care; Communication, intimacy, and romance. You’d have to nurture these in an in-person relationship too, but they play an even more important role in LDRs.

Communication is about quality over quantity It would seem obvious that to keep a LDR going you’d have to be constantly talking, right? How else is your partner going to know what you’re doing at all times of the day? The issue is that LDRs often lead to partners over-sharing and over-communicating every single little detail of their lives with each other, which can actually be detrimental in the long-run. Think quality over quantity now. Texting all day long will not bring you closer; What will is a long call

“LOTS of at the end of the day. Take the time apart miscomunication during the day to focus on your individual can happen over lives and reconvene at night by spending text, when tone or fasome quality time together on the phone, cial expressions aren’t telling each other everything (the same conveyed ” way you would if you were living together). This way, both you and your partner make sure to still keep each other updated, but do so at a time that is dedicated just for you two to enjoy each other’s company.

Stay mindful when resolving a conflict virtually Another crucial aspect of communication is conflict. While often healthy to have a little spar with your significant other (as long as boundaries are not crossed), it can be harder to achieve conflict resolution when you’re not physically together. For this, my best piece of advice is to never end the conversation until it’s resolved. You know how many vouch to never go to sleep angry? The same philosophy applies here. It’s important that you don’t ignore each other, but rather take time to talk about it calmly over the phone. And I stress over the phone because lots of miscommunication can happen over text, when tone or facial expressions aren’t conveyed.

Make it a point to get sexy with each other In any relationship situation it’s important to keep passion and intimacy alive, but even more so during LDRs. For many, being long-distance with a partner can very often put sexy-time on the backburner because they’re not with their partners physically. However, thanks to things like Zoom calls, you can totally engage in some naughtiness, virtually. And if you don’t feel comfortable with a full video call, then sending each other sexy pictures to keep for whenever you do feel a little frisky is also a great option. The point is, you have to make sure that you keep that part of the relationship alive through the distance, in order to stay [sexually] intimate and satisfied.

Romance has no boundaries In an in-person relationship it’s easier to express love for one another because you can resort to physical affection. Unfortunately, people in LDRs don’t have much of that luxury. Finding ways around the physical is so important to keep the romance alive - try virtual dates, or sending each other love letters, or flowers. What I found works best, is to schedule one day a week where you and your partner have a date night. Meaning, phones are switched off and there’s no other commitments besides you two having dinner and watching a movie together over video call.

Follow these tips and you’ll see sparks flying, no matter how long your distance lasts for. ▫

“thanks to things like ZOOM calls, you can totally engage in some naughtiness, virtually”

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