June 2024 SOCO Magazine

SOUTH DARTMOUTH $5,525,000

Seaside masterpiece with Private Sandy Beach! Open and light, with inspirational views of Buzzards Bay from 'most every room, this unparalleled oceanfront home features understated sophistication with incredible attention to every detail! Fine craftsmanship abounds in the coffered and tray ceilings, custom millwork and wide plank beechwood flooring Located mere minutes from Padanaram Village’s charming shops, restaurants and yacht club. Contact Sarah Meehan 508-685-8926.

FAIRHAVEN $945,000

Custom built log cabin on Sconticut Neck, three bedrooms, two baths, distant views of West Island and Buzzards Bay. Contact Will Milbury 508 525 5200

SOUTH DARTMOUTH $995,000

FAIRHAVEN $845,000

Stately Federal situated on a spacious corner lot in the heart of Fairhaven. Spectacular blend of period detail with all of today’s amenities. Contact Will Milbury 508.525.5200

Bound by scenic Horseneck Road, ancient stone walls, and the Slocum River, this iconic home is set in the heart of historic Russells Mills Village The classic New England Cape style home presides over 2 5+/- acre parcel which gently rolls to the edge of the river An oversized two-car garage with storage loft and attached workshop, and storage shed complete the offering Minutes to conservation areas with miles of walking trails and several white sandy beaches a rare historic offering! Contact Will Milbury 508 525 5200

WESTPORT $795,000

Nearly 2 acres of WATERFRONT land on the coveted Westport River in the exclusive Acoaxet community! Documents in hand include Order of Conditions, Site Plan and approved Septic Plan (4 bedrooms). Enjoy beautiful sunrises from your private waterfront oasis! Contact Sarah Korolnek 774.644.9156

NEW LISTING

SOUTH DARTMOUTH $735,000

Quintessential Cape Cod style home offers on just under a half acre along Buttonwood Brook with peeks of Padanaram Harbor. Contact Kevin Quinn 774.319.3401

DARTMOUTH $475,000

WESTPORT $7,950,000

Wyndfield - a magnificent saltwater farm! Handsome estate presides over 45 pastoral acres that meander to the Westport River. Guest house, barns, dock . . . a unique waterfront offering! Contact Will Milbury 508.525.5200

Four bedroom, two bath cottage with enclosed porch, gleaming hardwood floors, fireplaced living room and bright kitchen with stainless appliances. Contact Linda Hopps 508. 965.9274

WESTPORT $2,495,000

Four-bedroom, 3.5 bath contemporary home on 4.7 acres on the ocean’s edge with a private sandy beach. Summer living at its very best! Contact Sarah Meehan 508.685.8926

PRICE ADJUSTMENT

SOUTH DARTMOUTH $995,000

Waterfront Perfection! One-bedroom, renovated cottage on Padanaram Harbor, offering dazzling sunsets and swimming from shared dock that abuts the property! Contact Liza Danforth 339.203.5710

SOUTH DARTMOUTH $2,400,000

Rarely available Meadow Shores! This tastefully renovated three-bedroom home offers stunning ocean views and deeded beach rights. Contact Will Milbury 508.525.5200

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MARION $9,750,000

2.76-acre estate with expansive lawn & views, newly constructed carriage house and deeded dock access. Spectacular sunset views!

FALMOUTH $3,295,000

Three-story waterfront sanctuary in Falmouth Heights.

ONSET $750,000

Completely renovated, open concept home with scenic waterviews.

BACK BAY $3,950,000

Newly renovated three-bedroom corner residence at Trinity Place.

DENNIS $3,600,000

Exclusive 2.6 acre retreat with private beach and boundless potential.

MARION $2,750,000

Historic charm and modern comfort in the heart of Marion Village.

TIVERTON, RI $575,000

Waterfront retreat on the picturesque South Watuppa Pond.

MATTAPOISETT $2,199,000

Stunning & panoramic ocean views define this customized home in beautiful Point Connett.

LAKEVILLE $570,000

Meticulously maintained luxury condominium overlooking the 10th hole on New Seabury’s

Primitive Folk A rt Fish Carvi ng

Spectacular Settings • Exceptional Elegance • Fascinating Families

The Gilded Age comes to life with engaging audio tours at the Newport Mansions. Hear fascinating stories of the people who lived and worked in these grand summer palaces.

Open Daily. Free Parking.

HBO’s Inside The Gilded Age Tour

Fans of HBO’s “The Gilded Age” will love this guide-led tour of locations in the Newport Mansions where the Emmy-winning series was filmed. Get the inside scoop on what it takes to host a major television production!

Tuesdays & Fridays at 1 pm, May 17 – June 28, 2024 Advance ticket purchase only.

The Elms

Nathan Lane as Ward McAllister and Carrie Coon as Bertha Russell walk up the back steps of The Elms during filming of “The Gilded Age” Season 2 by HBO. (Photograph by Barbara Nitke/HBO)

Talent Call for the Summer of 2024

If you’ve considered trying out modeling, this could be the perfect opportunity to see yourself “On the cover of a magazine!”

We have a few opportunities for a free test shoot, leading to a multi-page feature in this magazine.

REQUIREMENT:

n Motivation

n Comfortable in front of a camera

n Proficiency in doing your hair & make-up

Those selected will be paid for photos published.

For more information contact us for details.

Tired of Paying for Inferior Results?

Any person or agency can claim to be on the cutting edge of producing effective advertising and promotional campaigns, but have you noticed there’s little distinction between what you see each day?

Too often, billboard, print, television, and radio advertising resembles the same boring messages used decades ago. Unquestionably, these efforts fail to resonate with today’s consumers, causing businesses to regret their investments.

Messaging has become lifeless, lacking a reason for the public to respond, nor does the story possess what’s necessary to develop a lasting impression in the minds of consumers.

Don’t get tuned out; there’s a local alternative with exceptional talent and a record for producing results.

At Creative Mine, we bring decades of experience in producing effective branding and memorable creativity for consumption by large audiences. Through clear and concise media messaging, produced under an umbrella of proven consumer theory, memorable themes, and action imaging, our clients get noticed, leading to the cultivating of new consumer and business relationships.

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$6.9M

Joanna Dresser

Reach

Are you searching for a first, second, or third home with the uniqueness and pleasantry coastal living has to offer, or is it time to sell the family legacy?

Many of New England’s premier brokers and agents have been found on our pages for nearly two decades because we publish 12 times yearly, showcasing the newest elite properties available.

Markets

Reach buyers and sellers locally, regionally, and nationally when you explain to your real estate professional they need to advertise and sell your property through New England News + Media’s luxury lifestyle magazines.

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For a caregiver to meet state requirements, they must:

• Be at least 18 years of age

• Reside in the same home as the person they care for

• Not be the legal guardian or legally married to the person being cared for

• Provide necessary medical care and assistance that meets the needs of the person they care for

For your family member or loved one to qualify for Mass Care Link services, they must meet these eligibility points:

• Be 16 years of age or older

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• Live with the primary caregiver in the same home

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24

PRESERVATION

A failing government, violent protests, antisemitism, the loss of free speech, and new crises every day—it’s all part of an agenda to erase American History

26

LIVING WELL

June is home to a review of an estate that rivals all others; it’s a marvel farm and compound for those seeking the finest in ‘luxury’ coastal living

34

STYLE

Just when you believed we were destined for ordinary and sameness, Jeffrey Westport takes over the town with style!

INTIMACY

If you don’t protect yourself, who will? Recognizing your boundaries have been violated and the importance of saying, “No—don’t go there”

WELLBEING

This month, we investigate the power and soothing of touch

Often, the male narcissist is moderate to highly attractive; still, they devote an extraordinary amount of effort to self-conformation, frequently checking and rechecking their appearance— especially when a mirror or just about anything that offers a reflection is near.

Read, exercise, socialize, and learn something new, a hobby, or as they now say, start a ‘side gig,’ but regardless of your choices, make the decision to continue your quest for increased knowledge because that, in itself, shows how smart you really are.

45

IMPRESSIONS

Where’s the answer? We asked Peet Nourjian where we might find it

47 ON COURSE

‘Who’s the smartest one of all?’ It’s not entirely clear, so take a look at what being highly intelligent means and decide if you have all of the characteristics

SINISTER DISRUPTORS

Humankind has erected monuments since the beginning of civilizations.

The purpose of these displays is to acknowledge, praise, and celebrate events, creations, and individuals that exemplify intelligence, strength, and endurance. At the same time, memorials ensure that society continues to recognize esteemed leadership and contributions to the birth of America and our incredible way of life. For centuries, we’ve rallied and praised the achievements of mortal men and women through these thoughtful reminders, and whereas some countries tear down what they oppose, we have always protected our memories.

In some cases, statues, carvings, and the naming of buildings serve as a record, a representation of nefarious intent,

greed, and dark moments of the past—sometimes causing discomfort, but that is the point; we don’t want to forget misdeeds, and with these reminders of our flaws we’re able to remain cognizant and prevent relapse.

In every case, it is a fool who moves, defaces, or destroys the work of artists whose intent was to record history. Regardless of the message and who claims to be offended, the importance lies in the fact that each symbol serves as an educational tool for understanding our evolution and growth; two vital assets that cannot and should not be erased from view.

The sheer ignorance and vile stupidity of anarchists, fascists, and now students adrift, tackling social responsibility under the falsehood of being ‘woke’ when they, in their immaturity, create the carnage and hate they claim needs to be eliminated—they have become an enemy within a civilized society.

In the absence of reminders, not just of our past but also

of our frailty, such omissions will surely expedite our succumbing to the human condition and the repetition of flawed judgment and actions.

Without these symbolic references—records of our existence and constant reminders of the past, future societies are destined to forget and repeat horrific mistakes. An example of this is the antisemitism that has raised its ugly head among those who are ostensibly future leaders.

We are at a point of inflection with an inflexible headwind; we ask, “What will it take for you to relinquish your freedoms and abandon your destiny?” Gambling with our lives and that of those who follow is evident by the acceptance by a representative government and higher education which are abhorrently failing all citizens by planting seeds for another Civil War—but more widespread, the likes impossible to conceive.

We face a new reality, and we are not the first or only ones in the media to draw attention to this fateful premonition.

Leadership in so many facets of our lives prominently displays incompetence and inaction; politically motivated, we witness dishonesty, self-dealing, and the abdication of personal responsibilities and trust because of selfish motivations to reach a personal enriching end-game.

It’s time to ask yourself, your friends, and neighbors these hard questions:

n “Are we pleased with the direction society is moving?”

n Why are my rights to have an opinion and a voice being violated by the fringe?”

n Who’s interest is it to ignore the illegality of open borders?”

n “Am I and my children better off than previous generations?”

n “Should we be forced to witness and subjected to turmoil and destruction, left to feel threatened each day by the chaos and violence played out on the streets of our communities?”

n “Is this the government we put our faith in and the life we worked and dreamed to achieve for ourselves and our children?”

Ultimately, change is up to you, facilitated by the actions you take to re-create a country we can be proud of once again. H

Living Well

A

‘Road Less Traveled’ Sometimes Leads To Unique Opportunities

The Wyndf i eld Estate Awaits A Gentlemen or Gentlewomen Farmer With An Appreciation For Mesmerizing Opulence & Historical Prestige

BY STEVEN CHAN

Few, if any, historic homes are equated with the results achieved through the efforts and resources invested into this

45+ acre estate, lining the shores of Westport, Massachusetts, by the current owners.

Approaching from the town’s ‘Central Village,’ it’s a pleasant drive through farmlands and forests, allowing a sense of separation from the tensions of life. Unquestionably a satisfying experience, it’s further punctuated by feelings of intimacy due to the privacy and security of the surroundings. Traveling the unassuming traditional crushed-shell drive, extending close to a mile from the main road (an enjoyable ride bringing with it unusual anticipation), concludes at the opening of manicured fields where panoramic views and grassy roadways outlined by ancient stone walls, perfectly framing the woodlands and pastures; a vista resembles an artist palate, a

painting of native interconnected flora, fauna, and old growth; indeed, a testament to the area's preservation by forebearers.

Located across the river from the banks where historic Massachusetts and Rhode Island meet, and positioned along the shoreline of the pristine Westport River Corridor, originating at Gray’s Pond in the hamlet of Adamsville—established and settled in 1675, one of the many exuberant amenities of Wyndfield Estate is the convenience and joy of its fully-licensed, state-of-the-art pier with the inclusion of three moorings, on the West Branch. Its direct access allows the pleasure of motoring to the working docks, boatyards, and restaurants of Westport Point and Harbor or the opportunity to leisurely sail (approximately one half-mile) to ‘The Knuble’ (often referred to as ‘Elephant Rock’ by tourists), to enjoy views of the Charlton Mansion— now turned into private residences, along with open access to the Atlantic Ocean.

Located across the river from the banks where historic Massachusetts and Rhode Island meet and positioned along the shoreline of the pristine Westport River Corridor, originating at Gray’s Pond in the hamlet of Adamsville—established and settled in 1675, one of the many exuberant amenities of Wyndfield Estate is the convenience and joy of its fully-licensed, state-of-the-art pier with the inclusion of three moorings, on the West Branch.

Such an achievement of masterful renovation, restoration, and remodeling of original structures, combined with new construction complimented by antique fixtures and modifications to meet stringent replications of historically relevant design, is more than significant; it subsequently contributes to the importance of the property, the satisfaction and rewards that come with creating a once in a lifetime dream, along with the benefit of keeping the community intact by protecting its pastures and preserves.

With its solidly built structures, acres of enriched land—ideal for a vineyard due to its proximity to the sea, curated gardens, and meticulously cared for orchards, it’s an unduplicated and loving environment— a quintessential home for persons wishing to continue a distinguished legacy and add to its foundation of being a ‘trophy home,’ traced to its inevitable

charm and radiant appeal.

Adding to the desirability of locating to Wyndfield Estate is the growing recognition the seaside community enjoys. Still in its infancy but offering fantastic value, the town attracts discerning newcomers from all points on the map. With widespread attention from those familiar with luxury coastal lifestyle experiences, many from the Hamptons to Maine have recognized the categorical refinements found on the SouthCoast, most notably in Westport.

Wyndfield effortlessly rivals new construction with unsurpassed attention to detail and the quality of materials that went into this labor of love; we offer a description and various highlights for review.

Initially, the ‘antique’ home was constructed as the Allen House on Horseneck Road. The current structure was built in 1834 from the original

Such an achievement of masterful renovation, restoration, and remodeling of original structures, combined with new construction complimented by antique fixtures and modifications to meet stringent replications of historically relevant design...

1709 house. It was dismantled in May 2013 and reassembled at Wyndfield the same year; the project was completed in 2015.

There are 4,500 square-feet of living space in the primary residence, 1,200+/- square-feet found in the guest house, in addition to a 2,400 square-foot studio building.

The studio was constructed from a 1790 dairy barn in Attleboro, Massachusetts, and reassembled in 2011 using a stress skin panel system for insulation. There is a separate heat pump a/c and heating system with a propane backup. It includes a half-bath, a kitchenette, a full basement, storage, and an oversized bulkhead.

The garage with mudroom of the

primary residence was constructed from American chestnut originally from the ‘Blossom Farm Bar.’

The mudroom has an indoor-outdoor dog kennel run, washer and dryer, and antique slate floors with radiant heat.

Both the mudroom and the garage are constructed with stress skin panels; they are six inches and nine inches of insulation on the sides of the structure and roof, respectively, allowing the original planking and beams to be exposed.

Original posts and beams, wide plank flooring, and antique timbers are used throughout.

n There are seven working fireplaces with the original fireboxes.

n The home includes antique glass window panels, mahogany mullions, Allied Company storm windows, and screen system.

n Central air conditioning and heating are supplied by a heat pump system and backed by propane supplied by an 1,800-gallon underground tank powering an 18 KW generator and heating plant.

n Protection includes a Radio Signal Omni Security Alarm and Fire System.

n Six-bedroom septic system for main house and studio.

n A full basement with a 1,000-bottle temperature-controlled wine cellar.

n Three en-suite bedrooms upstairs with a finished third level.

n The reception room is upstairs, with a fireplace and an adjacent laundry.

n Title 5, three-bedroom septic system for the guest house.

n 5-acre, unrestricted building envelope, with a buildable 2-acre envelope in the field below.

n The farm has a conservation restriction on other acreage held by WLCT and TTOR.

n Six-stall shed with power and water line.

n A timber frame post and beam barn

with a large storage loft and power was built in 2005 of red oak.

All aspects of completing this project and estate were thoroughly considered and supervised to the smallest detail. While offering all modern conveniences and available comforts, it has been repeatedly recognized by a multitude of organizations tied to preservation, including the Little Compton Historical Society, which hosted a Patron Tour & Luncheon at the farm.

Many of the structures have been saved from demolition and salvaged because of the forward-thinking and commitment of the owners; it is

because of their unique perspective and appreciation of old-world craftsmanship and design that this delightful property is available for a new family to enjoy.

Wyndfield Farm, 1541 Main Road, Westport, Massachusetts, is exclusively offered by Milbury & Company, 304 Elm Street, South Dartmouth, and at 790 Main Road, Westport, for $7,950,000. H

Additional information is available by visiting Milburyre.com. To make an appointment, contact Will Milbury at 508-525-5200 or Kevin Quinn at 774-319-3401.

Original posts and beams, wide plank flooring, and antique timbers are used throughout.

There are seven working fireplaces with the original fireboxes.

The home includes antique glass window panels, mahogany mullions, Allied Company storm windows, and screen system.

“We’re here for a blip, don’t be invisible.”

BY CATHERINE HOWLEY

In the heart of Westport, Massachusetts, Jeffrey W. Cayer’s life’s work comes to fruition in the form of Jeffrey Westport—a boutique that not only showcases high-end fashion but also embodies Jeffrey’s lifelong commitment to exceptional customer service. Fashion has always been more than just a career for Jeffrey—it has been a source of refuge and inspiration since childhood. Fond memories of exploring Boston’s iconic department stores like Jordan Marsh, Filene’s, and Filene’s Basement with his grandmother kindled a passion that would shape Jeffrey’s identity and propel him into the vibrant world of fashion.

At the age of 18, Jeffrey’s talent caught the attention of Benetton, marking the beginning of his wholesale career. Within a year, Benetton was flying Jeffrey to Italy and Hong Kong to curate the collection from his perspective as a New England resident. Benetton’s goal was to enhance the collection’s appeal to clients while also maintaining the image of Benetton.

Transitioning to Los Angeles, Jeffrey worked with renowned photographers like Annie Leibovitz and Michel Comte, and major publications such as Vanity Fair, ELLE, and Entertainment Weekly, cementing his status in fashion. His respected reputation led him to style celebrities, including Ellen Degeneres, Jennifer Flavin, and Sharon Stone.

In 1997, Jeffrey’s career took a transformative turn when he joined Fragments, Inc. in New York City. He fulfilled various roles, from showroom manager to design scout, and launched brands such as Chan Luu and Ippolita. In 2001, Jeffrey ascended into the role of President of Sales at Rebecca Taylor. Within five years, alongside the founders, he successfully steered the company from a six-figure to an eight-figure enterprise.

Jeffrey’s ambitions didn’t end there. In 2006, Jeffrey opened The Globe Showroom, a hub for fashion designers and retail buyers alike. Leveraging his vast network and industry insights, he propelled emerging talents like SIMKHAI, Smythe, Vanessa Bruno, and White + Warren to the spotlight. Concurrently, Jeffrey introduced his own line, TRYB212, which was picked up by retailers such as Barneys New York, Bergdorf Goodman, Net a Porter, and Neiman Marcus. Harnessing his expertise and connections, Jeffrey turned The Globe Showroom into a one-stopshop showroom, providing a range of services to meet all client needs and establishing it as a vital platform for both emerging and established fashion talents.

There isn’t a formula for success; it’s a momentum, a beat, much like a work in progress that is never complete. It just builds upon itself, improving with each day.

Today, Jeffrey’s journey has come full circle with the opening of Jeffrey Westport, a boutique that has quickly become a destination spot. Blending Hollywood glamour with New York flair, it offers more than just high-end fashion; the boutique provides a sanctuary where individuals can discover their true selves and embrace their unique essence.

Jeffrey does more than dress clients; he understands the dynamic between the mind (specifically, the ego) and the connection to presentation. He often shares his mantra with customers: “I’m more than a dress.” He reminds people that “an outfit can mess with your head, positively or negatively. You are more than the outfit you’re wearing. [Clothing] may look stunning on you, but it’s not what makes you shine— it simply optimizes your look. [Clothing] is an accessory— you are the outfit.”

It’s not uncommon for newcomers to be surprised by how differently they are approached while shopping at Jeffrey Westport. When making suggestions, Jeffrey carefully watches what clients are drawn to, using this information as a window into a client’s mindset; he then takes the person out of their comfort zone and shine a light, nudging them to see a more complex and complete version of themselves. “We’re here to boost energy and confidence and increase a sense of self-worth in a world of negativity,” Jeffrey explains.

Located at 999 Main Road, Jeffrey Westport embodies Jeffrey’s unwavering passion for fashion and his steadfast conviction in its transformative power. H

“I’m more than a dress.” He reminds people that “an outfit can mess with your head, positively or negatively. You are more than the outfit you’re wearing. [Clothing] may look stunning on you, but it’s not what makes you shin e it simply optimizes your look. [Clothing] is an accessory you are the outfit.”

BEGINS WITH SELF-CARE EMOTIONAL HEALTH

BY LINDA BERTRUM

In past issues, we've discussed a trove of topics surrounding relationships, including their benefits and tribulations. Over time, and through an exhaustive review of the research, interviews with individuals who express their dissatisfaction attempting to find intimacy, and our keeping pace with the enlightening but anecdotal findings of men and women conducted in vivo, all too often the common denominator points to various forms of manipulation, struggle, and hurt caused by another’s actions rooted in attachment styles or related to past trauma during formative years that’s been unattended to or has become deep-seated into flawed adult personality development.

We have all read about the unusually high occurrences of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) during the last twentyyears or so; it seems this ego-centric dysfunction has risen to a level well beyond previous measurements over generations, and though it is difficult to pinpoint the cause, complaints about dealing with those exhibiting the self-serving and ‘selfish’ behaviors of NPD doesn’t have an end in sight—worse, its toll scatters a long trail of emotionally damaged victims often requiring intervention.

Until now, we’ve focused precisely on the traits and hurtful actions displayed by female narcissists who secretly portray themselves as perfect partners to unsuspecting targets, referred to as ‘supplies.’ Yet, due to our oversight, we’ve not explored the more dangerous chemistry bubbling under the surface of impaired male-female and male-male relationships.

While there are differences between the ‘narcissistic sexes,’ they seldom pair, principally due to their shared predatory nature and clinical symptomology. But, when either spots a potential supply (indicated by an empathic nature)—being experts in the hunt, both will initiate a pleasant false caring relationship followed by emotional attacks (sometimes physical—predominantly by males), causing unrelenting emotional pain and turmoil to a partner's core and well-being.

Male narcissists are often viewed as captivating. They are fabulous actors who mirror others and frequently pretend to

fall in love or, within potential social or business relationships, display complimentary and mutual interests of others, who often have something they want, such as recognition or money. Following a variety of divisive and manipulative behavioral techniques, male narcissists tailor a plan to discredit and humiliate those they view as superior and a threat to the loathsome view they hold of themselves.

Both sexes with the affliction will go to the ends of the earth to protect the image they have created; it is their gold standard used to project perfection, and they do their best to manipulate, gaslight, and ruin the reputations of anyone who challenges them in all settings.

There are some, often with a foot in healthcare or human services, who are able to spot the narcissistic personality within a short time of meeting them; the grandiosity and hunger for admiration, coupled with an incessant need for validation, in contrast to a lack of empathy for others pains and difficulties, soon become transparent; visible through a few questions and astute observations.

Often, the male narcissist is moderate to highly attractive; still, they devote an extraordinary amount of effort to selfconformation, frequently checking and rechecking their appearance—especially when a mirror or just about anything that offers a reflection is near.

As mentioned, both genders present with NPD, but as unusual as it sounds, males are generally more overt in their display of projecting negative influence, while women are secretive.

When full-blown acts of vengeance, screaming, and emotional cruelty are exhibited, it often takes place when a couple is in private; it’s the perfect time for a man to overreact with raw aggression and explosive outbursts, lacking an audience or evidence of the conflict. Women, on the other hand, fine-tune their ability to ignore and punish the supply by withdrawing their attention and affection. Suddenly leaving for hours, perhaps days, they will never be compelled or feel it necessary to apologize or share details. They will return as if nothing happened.

Other differences include male narcissists attempting to use

MALE NARCISSISTS ARE OFTEN VIEWED AS CAPTIVATING. THEY ARE FABULOUS ACTORS WHO MIRROR OTHERS AND FREQUENTLY PRETEND TO FALL IN LOVE OR, WITHIN POTENTIAL SOCIAL OR BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS, DISPLAY COMPLIMENTARY AND MUTUAL INTERESTS OF OTHERS, WHO OFTEN HAVE SOMETHING THEY WANT, SUCH AS RECOGNITION OR MONEY.

their limited power and influence to control others. In cases where there may be two men in social or personal interaction, and specific standards dictate an illusion of mutual respect, the narcissist will use an arsenal of subtle techniques for conducting manipulation, some of which include:

n Becoming passive-aggressive, which mimics approachavoidance behaviors to devolve responsibility

n Negative labeling or rumor building of those they feel threatened by

n Victimization, where they place themselves in the position and conjugate an imaginary attack, followed by a call for sympathy and assistance

n Stonewalling and scapegoating are used for the purpose of delaying decisions or placing blame on others; it’s a means of gaining control where they have none

n Gaslighting is a favorite; directed against others, they twist the truth into a false narrative they have created and believe

Male narcissists are deeply insecure and will do anything to hide their shame; to them, their image is paramount to their false identity; they spend an extraordinary amount of effort to protect their fragile existence. Researchers have found these men led lives as “Lost, Angry Teenagers—adult men who are developmentally immature, with an elevated sense of self.”

Often overbearing, articulate, and social, they are experts in using charm and faux affections to ignore and offend the boundaries of others; it is what powers and feeds a placid ego, and while temporary, until the next emotional fix can be found, the constant need to inflict their needs on to others remains a primary driver of their broken personalities.

Interestingly, most narcissists will privately accept the truth, ‘they are different,’ but are unable to define what explicitly drives them to the fringe of normalcy. They are resistant to admission because to do so would be to accept their flawed personality.

Tell-tale signs a male narcissist has targeted you can be relatively easy to spot; watch for the accumulation of unnecessary drama over minor details, stubbornness and themes of “It has to be my way,” triangulation; being trapped into a three-party dynamic so that an alliance can be built and used as protection against perceived threats at a future date, and complete disregard for personal boundaries at every level. They will unabashedly ignore any indication or warning of committing a personal violation.

If you find yourself in a situation where you question your sanity and experience feelings of being manipulated, used, or emotionally abused, you should seek professional help. Selfcare begins with identifying the problem, followed by steps to either minimize or eliminate the cause.

It isn’t easy to take the first step, but for your safety and sanity, get out of the relationship and begin to emotionally and physically prosper. H

Well Being

A Hands-On Approach to Life

How a loving touch can improve mental and physical health

BY ROB SAINT LAURENT, M.ED

Humans are designed to touch and be touched,” writes author Eleanor Morgan in The Guardian.1 But hugs, handshakes, and love taps all but disappeared at the height of COVID.

Living alone, Morgan missed the “groundedness” of being with another person after two months of lockdown in the U.K., and the deep longing caught her off guard despite the close companionship of her dog. This basic need for human comfort stems from the womb. Neuroscientists say our nascent brain is able to distinguish between our own body and our mother’s and that our very survival depends on that physical connectedness. Though our very essence is rooted in touch, we may still not grasp its importance, even when it’s absent for a while and we’re yearning for that missing piece.

For many, especially those of us often alone, the life we lived during the pandemic isn’t much different than our day-today in 2024, with remote and hybrid work still prevalent and smartphone and social media use as ingrained as ever.

That physical disconnectedness can have a negative impact on our minds and bodies.

THE PRICE OF POOR CONNECTION

In a depersonalized online world, human elements of communication have been inexorably altered. Tone and intent are often overlooked or misconstrued; body language is either a non-factor or can be tricky to express on camera; facial expression in our messaging has been replaced by any number of cheap symbols, and attention spans have diminished.

As it’s full steam ahead into uncharted technological waters,

our world is becoming an increasingly lonesome place for alotof our neighbors. Though the World Wide Web was initially imagined as a utopic medium for bringing us all closer, it has instead enabled many of us to become islands, spending significantly more of our time interacting and observing from afar.

Lonely people abound. A February 2023 Gallup survey revealed that 17 percent of U.S. adults—about 44 million people—reported feeling lonely “a lot of the day yesterday,” based on a sample of over 5,000 individuals. While the number of lonely people has been declining since it peaked at 25 percent in March 2021, the U.S. Surgeon General warned in 2023 that we’re still in the midst of a loneliness and isolation “epidemic.” Even before COVID, about half of Americans reported measurable levels of loneliness, and this trend continues. 2, 4

A telling 2010 analysis of 148 studies (over 300,000 participants) showed that lonely people have a 50 percent greater risk of early death than those with strong social connections. Their health risk is equal to consuming more than six drinks or smoking nearly a pack of cigarettes a day and greater than being obese or physically inactive.5

According to the Surgeon General's warning, loneliness can increase the risk of heart disease by 29 percent, stroke by 32 percent, and dementia in older adults by 50 percent.3, 4

U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, M.D., MBA, summed up the cost of loneliness in a recent interview with NPR’s All Things Considered:

“It’s hard to put a price tag, if you will, on the amount of human suffering that people are experiencing right now. In the last few decades, we’ve just lived through a dramatic pace of change. We move more, we change jobs more often, we are living with technology that has profoundly changed how we interact with each other and how we talk to each other.”4

WHAT’S IN A TOUCH?

With this continually evolving shift in how we live, inperson socializing becomes essential to maintaining health and should include the communicative element of physical contact.

In an interview with Morgan, U.K.-based neuroscientist Francis McGlone, Ph.D., says that when discussing loneliness, “we often ignore the obvious: what lonely people aren’t getting is touch.”1

So important is touch; McGlone’s research has shown that a mother or father’s stroking touch enhanced an infant’s heart and lung regulation, whereas a non-stroking touch either depressed or had no impact on function.6, 7 Even as adults, our brains can be positively stimulated just by watching others receive a slow, gentle stroking touch. 8

According to another U.K. researcher, Robin Dunbar, Ph.D., D.Sc. (Hons.), as adults, we touch one another more than we’re aware of, and we have an average of five core friends in whom we can confide. This same behavior is observed in primates, where groups of five best friends will groom each other in a form of social touch. In both cases, these bonds help to protect us against threats to our peace and security.1

People have ascribed terms such as “warm” and “comforting” to the feeling of being touched. Yet, when it was absent for many during the pandemic, a physical sensation known as “skin hunger” often arose as single shut-ins, like Morgan, yearned to be touched by another human.1

Psychologist and cognitive neuroscientist Katerina Fotopoulou, Ph.D., explains that a person’s touch can mitigate stressful feelings and physical and emotional pain, helping us cope and reduce anxiety. If we don’t get that needed comfort, someone to hold us, skin hunger can arise.1

The skin harbors an enormous network of nerve endings that sense temperature, itch, and texture. At the root of skin hunger and touch are nerve endings called C tactile afferents (CTs), first found in humans in 1995. McGlone, who studies nerve cells, explains that they transmit slow electrical impulses from gentle stroking to the emotional part of the brain and are critical for social development and withstanding stress.1

McGlone says we have the highest volume of CTs in areas of our body that we can’t reach, such as the shoulders and back. When someone gently stimulates these areas, the brain releases the pleasure chemicals dopamine and oxytocin, which modulates cortisol and makes us feel less stressed.

But even petting an animal can activate these systems when a human isn’t available, says McGlone, since the brain interprets the stroking as the animal petting us.

HEALING HANDS

States Dunbar, “Touch has a huge impact on our psychological and physical wellbeing.”1 A large analysis of touch intervention studies by the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience and Germany’s University Hospital Essen supports this.9, 10

Just released in April, the analysis in Nature Human Behavior examined more than 200 studies of touch interventions

involving nearly 13,000 individuals. The researchers confirm the positive brain and body effects of touch, saying it “substantially improves both physical and mental well-being, for example, via reduction of pain, anxiety, depression, and stress in adults.” It’s even more beneficial for people with physical or mental health issues, which is especially important since touch is often overlooked in therapy, they say.

It turns out that who does the touching (a friend versus a masseur, for example), how it’s done, and for how long doesn’t matter. However, frequency does matter. So, while a friend’s quick hug or a therapist’s massage could offer the same benefit, a series of hugs could prove more effective than a single massage.

They found that while touch from a human, robot, or object (a weighted blanket, for instance) was equally effective for improving physical well-being, human touch was needed to improve mental health.

And if you’re the parent of an infant, it’s better that you stroke your baby rather than a healthcare worker.

PHYSICAL BENEFITS OF TOUCH 11 (FIRM, PROLONGED HUGGING; MASSAGE; ETC.)

Improved growth in preterm infants

Reduced pain in conditions such as fibromyalgia, HIV, and burns

Reduced autoimmunity, as in better lung function in asthmatics and lower glucose in diabetics

Better alertness, as measured by EEG brain scanning

Less aggression in children

Better sleep

KEEPING IN TOUCH

Though we’re only beginning to understand the healing power of touch, science writer Michael Gross, Ph.D., believes we’re in danger of losing it as we become more physically disconnected from each other, nature, and objects. He aptly describes the history of technology “as a history of reducing the importance of touching things,” where we can now just verbalize our requests to robotic assistants. At the same time, he notes how many Western societies are now becoming more averse to touch as abuse cases burgeon.12

Yet, research by Fotopoulou in Scientific Reports showed the powerful impact a gentle touch can have on even a stranger.13

Mammals have an inherent need for closeness, attachment, and belonging, which helps ensure survival. Feeling ostracized is the antithesis of social bonding and “one of the most emotionally painful human experiences,” says Fotopoulou and colleagues at the University College London. Slow, gentle

touch versus fast, neutral touch has been shown to assuage physical pain. But Fotopoulou’s team found among 84 females that after feeling rejected during a team-oriented video game, slow, gentle stroking by a soft-bristle brush to the forearm reduced negative feelings while blindfolded, whereas fast, neutral touching did not.13, 14

Not everyone needs or wants to be touched, of course. “Touch can only be effective if it is consensual,” notes the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience.9 Respecting someone’s personal space is essential, especially in American society, where a degree of “social distancing” has always seemed the

norm compared to other cultures.

We only need gentle touch intermittently, McGlone says, as when someone’s visibly stressed or feeling isolated.1 Gross writes that the optimum speed of a gentle caress is about three centimeters per second.

For people who don’t like being touched by others, alternative methods like self-massage using one’s hand or a ball, selfhugging, brushing one’s body or massaging one’s scalp in the shower, and massaging a pet are recommended.11

In a dystopic evolution of human behavior, Gross believes it’s inevitable that regular touch will be left to machines and monetized at luxury prices. He warns, “Before we lose touch with our world, now may be the last chance to remember that our sense of touch is not only natural and human but also one of our most important interfaces with other humans and with the real world.” H

1. Morgan, E. (2021, January 24). Lost touch: how a year without hugs affects our mental health. The Guardian.

2. Witters, D. (2023, April 4). Loneliness in U.S. Subsides From Pandemic High. Gallup.

3. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of the U.S. Surgeon General. (n.d.). Advisory: The Healing Effects of Social Connection.

4. Summers, J., Acovino, V. & Intagliata, C. (2023, May 2). America has a loneliness epidemic. Here are 6 steps to address it [Radio broadcast]. All Things Considered. NPR.

5. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010, July 27). Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.

6. Van Puyvelde, M., Collette, L., Gorissen, A.S., Pattyn, N. & McGlone, F. (2019). Infants’ Autonomic Cardio-Respiratory Responses to Nurturing Stroking Touch Delivered by the Mother or the Father. Frontiers in Physiology, 10, 1117.

7. Van Puyvelde, M., Gorissen, A.-S., Pattyn, N. & McGlone, F. (2019, August). Does touch matter: The impact of stroking versus non-stroking maternal touch on cardio-respiratory processes in mothers and infants. Physiology & Behavior, 207, 55-63.

8. Haggarty, C. J., Makdani, A., & McGlone, F. (2023, March 29). Affective Touch: Psychophysics, Physiology and Vicarious Touch Perception. In: Holmes N.P. (eds) Somatosensory Research Methods. Neuromethods, 196. Humana, New York, NY.

9. Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience. (2024, April 8). New study highlights the benefit of touch on mental and physical health. Medical Xpress.

10. Packheiser, J., Hartmann, H., Fredriksen, K., et al. (2024). A systematic review and multivariate meta-analysis of the physical and mental health benefits of touch interventions. Nature Human Behavior.

11. University of Miami Health System. (2023, November 15). The Healing Power of Human Touch.

12. Gross, M. (2019, April 22). Are we losing touch with our world? Current Biology, 29(8), R265-68.

13. von Mohr, M., Kirsch, L. P., & Fotopoulou, A. (2017, October 18). The soothing function of touch: affective touch reduces feelings of social exclusion. Scientific Reports, 13516 (2017).

14. University College London. (2017, October 18). Gentle touch soothes the pain of social rejection. UCL News.

BY PEET NOURJIAN

IT’S SPRING, AND THERE’S NO BETTER WAY FOR COLLEGE KIDS TO SPEND THE DAY OUT IN THE SUN FOR MEET AND GREET WHILE BLOCKING TRAFFIC IN THE STREET

THEY CARRY SIGNS TO STATE THEIR CASE LOUD VOICES GETTING IN THE FACE OF THOSE WITH AN OPPOSING VIEW FOR SOME OF US, IT’S DÉJÀ VU

IT WASN’T THAT MUCH DIFFERENT WHEN THE GOVERNMENT WAS DRAFTING MEN TO FIGHT A WAR THAT MADE NO SENSE WE LOCKED ARMS IN A HUMAN FENCE

THE CAMPUS COPS WOULD PUSH AND SHOVE OUR RESISTANCE WAS “PEACE & LOVE” EMOTIONS STARTED TO WEAR THIN UNTIL WE BROUGHT FOLKSINGERS IN. H

WHO’S SMATA?

BY JAMES HOLDEN

Suppose you’re appalled by the mayhem, verbal assaults, and battery by ‘woke’ crowd radicals on fellow students taking place on campuses across the country.

In that case, you’re undoubtedly poised to receive an ‘Honorary Doctorate’ and should be invited to apply for a leadership role at one of these universities. The reason being, you have proven yourself to not only be of good character and overflow with common sense—something few have a grasp of, less the ability for its use when making decisions, you’ve also shown a remarkable Intelligence Quotient (IQ) as well as towering Social Intelligence (SI); with this combination, you clearly rise to the rank of the one-percentile of intellectual acuity.

In our never-ending search for news, topics, and opinions that highlight people, places, and events (and often, poor decisions), this month, we review the literature on IQ. Although we don’t offer a test, we do share valuable insight to allow you to determine where on the bellshaped curve you stand, sit, or lie based on your level of ambition or maybe your Intelligence Quotient. Have fun.

To determine just how bright you are and allow you to realize your standing, we’d like you to review our “Ten Signs You’re Above Average.”

Let’s begin. Any search will come up with a plethora (8-12) of types of intelligence, but few divulge what we reference in this inventory. To be clear, for our purposes, we are defining two specific forms of intelligence: Crystallized, the ability to process new information and use critical thinking as a tool for problem-solving, and Fluid, which many display, that being the accumulated storage of facts and information for decision making. Both are important and work together, allowing us to stay in a single lane when presenting these findings.

1. LESS SAID

It seems the more brilliant people are, the less they say or at least share with others. At the same time, they don’t always believe they’re brighter than others; quite often, they consider themselves ‘average.’ However, one must ask who they make the comparison to. In every group of society— regardless of its origination, a population’s IQ can be measured by a rank-order yardstick. If we were to transpose one list over another, we would glean evidence demonstrating the lower order of one list, ranking above the top of another. For example, if you take the best and brightest

doctors and compare the lowest ranking to the highest ranking insurance salesperson (just a sample-not an insult), the possibility that the bottom of one list would be equal if not above the first position of the other. It’s not a hard-fast rule but more a theoretical explanation as to how brain power reaches its own level and is often cordoned off by education, testing, and rigorous training.

One clue to understanding a person’s actual intelligence is to listen to them; those of high IQ will downplay or underestimate their cognitive abilities, while a lesser intelligent person will overestimate and attempt to more publically present their belief they are the most competent person in the room.

2. AT THE READY

Are you inquisitive, thirsty for knowledge, or perhaps always interested in knowing the ‘why’ about everything? These are some of the telltale signs you constantly shower in information and have the capacity to understand conceptual interfaces and the development of revolutionary products, services, or theories. Think about it: how did AI get discovered?

Being curious is exercising the brain, opening new pathways, and causing neurons to fire, over and over, in search of solutions while increasing mental storage capacity.

3.

READ, READ, READ

According to researchers and from personal experiences, children who were avid readers during their early years developed good study habits, which carried through to adulthood. Starting young and forcing their brains to organize and compartmentalize information and data gave them a head start on their contemporaries who refrained from the written word. Even today, book sales are strong, with reading being a favorite pastime that creates comfort and relaxation along

with learning and forming opinions based on fact rather than fiction or ‘hearsay.’

In a survey, this magazine looked at the level of education, career, income, zip code, wealth, and other finely tuned variables of its readers. We discovered an amazing number of profiles that perfectly match our demographic thesis. It seems that we reached our objective when discovering significant correlations between educational accomplishments, higher income levels, career performance, and a fondness and appreciation for reading. Today, while print has competition with digital media, long ago, we recognized this dilemma and added an online readership option to ensure the continuation of reaching a wide channel of educated consumers.

4. DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

The title above references what is known as ‘active listening.’ Learning takes all forms and shapes, and with the prolific consumption of visual messages and the media flooding us with hours upon hours of copious auditory distraction, it’s a challenge not to tune out or filter questions asked of us or to pay attention when spoken to.

It has been found that the most highly intelligent are able and willing to focus on

a conversation with others; not only do they show a willingness to engage, but they also listen for what isn’t said, the subtleties presented during a verbal exchange. It is often more than words that the brightest focus on; they read body language and eye contact while assessing pitch, inflection, and tenor of speech. They take in more than a scribbled script; instead, they listen for the plot and learn about the heroes and villains; they try to understand the causation of the interpersonal interaction. It’s because of this set of skills that they not only supplement their fluid intelligence but are also viewed as caring, engaging, and a pleasure to be around.

5. FACING CHALLENGES

A day doesn’t pass without making hundreds if not thousands of decisions, from what to eat to the launch of a website, even more difficult ones when facing peril.

It’s here when all cylinders need to fire, absent of distractions or brain fog. Everyone has an approach and problemsolving skills, but they are not all the same. Assessing a challenge using analytics, critical thinking, past experiences, value-determined outcomes, personal

preference, and viewing problems from a different perspective isn’t readily available to everyone. Due to limited capacity or experience, each person relies on a different stack of abilities. An intellectual will not hesitate to see all options available, even knowing they may not be adequate. By being skeptical, a person is able to run through a multitude of possible solutions to a problem. Logic is also an essential factor.

6. MEMORIES AREN’T FOREVER

As we age, short-term memory fades while long-term recall remains intact. Intellectual acumen and a good memory are near-perfect partners when functioning; the amount of information from recall enhances IQ by adding knowledge. If memory is impaired, the ability to problem-solve is grossly affected.

Those with the ability to quickly and accurately remember specific details of people, events, locations, and conversations are often proven to be of higher intellectual capabilities. Furthermore, their observational and perceptual skills are enhanced. It’s been said that no amount of incoming information is useless, so don’t worry; there’s always room for more.

7. BORING

The brighter you are, the less you enjoy trivial matters or discussions. Chatter and unnecessary small talk is like a skunk in the garage; you want to get away as soon as possible. What we mean by such

conversations is having to listen to updates about a favorite television show, the weather—which you just experienced, or gossip that has little to no relevance and is a sign of toxicity. More staggering is when you can’t avoid the ‘armchair quarterbacks’ who don’t look like they’ve lifted anything that resembles a ball or stick in decades.

Conversely, intelligent people are always in search of healthy and productive conversations that add to their body of knowledge. Here, an exchange of ideas takes place, and it is mutually beneficial.

8. BODY-TALK

Known as bodily kinesthetics, simply shared, it amounts to the interaction between the cognitive intention of physical movements and the execution of the task. Even though flexibility is a component, other factors, such as coordination, quick reflexes, and manual dexterity, are integral components that complete a circuit. Quick mind and body action indicates a hot-wire connection that not only shows intelligence but extends to youthfulness, which is also related to, you guessed it, intelligence.

9. POLYSEMY

If you’re familiar with this word, go no further; there is nothing we can teach you that you don’t already know; as for everyone else, read on.

Some walking the earth are comfortable only faced with binary choices: good-evil, happy-sad, beautiful-ugly; easy decisions are had by eliminating the need to flex that

lazy muscle in the skull and think about alternatives or contemplate questions or constructs of existential abstractions, where the spectrum of grey permeates theory and philosophy; many will run from the complexities of deep thought, while others are indulged with curiosity. An inquisitive mind approaches difficult, unanswered questions, with more questions coming from the depths of crystallized intelligence; they find intrigue in opportunities to address meaningful questions regarding life and our existence.

10. EMOTIONAL FLEXIBILITY

We don’t live in a static world; the unexpected should always be expected, but it’s adaptation that determines our resilience and ability to cope with adversity. Being prepared, not with an immediate solution for all situations, but with the ability to react and face challenges both physically and emotionally, is often part of being intelligent. Comparable to a skier moving down a bumped-up mogul field, there are always two choices: get bounced around and quickly be demolished because you allowed the terrain to make choices for you, or take control of your speed, approach, and make measured turns while acknowledging a deviation could appear at any moment, but you’ll be fine because you know what recovery looks like and have it as a back-up plan. Life is the same.

Keep in mind that few, if any, will hit all 10 of these behaviors or skill sets; intelligence floats and is subjected to metabolic, physiologic, and psychological changes we all experience throughout life. It is far better to use these suggestions coming from experts as guard rails rather than instructions for achievement. In simpler terms, be aware of your surroundings and open to new experiences. Read, exercise, socialize, and learn something new, a hobby, or as they now say, start a ‘side gig;’ but regardless of your choices, make the decision to continue your quest for increased knowledge because that, in itself, shows how smart you really are. H

DAY TRIPPING!

Catch a fast, fun, safe trip to beautiful Cuttyhunk Island on board the M/V Cuttyhunk!

• Depart from New Bedford’s historic waterfront; a short walk to downtown New Bedford’s many restaurants, boutique shops, museums & galleries.

• Enjoy the gorgeous views of Buzzards Bay as you make your way to the laid back island of Cuttyhunk.

• Friday Night Sunset Cruises! Breathtaking scenery, comfortable accommodations, not to be missed excursion.

EARLY SUMMER: MAY 24, 2024-JUNE 20, 2024

Depart New Bedford *Additional trips Memorial Day Weekend-Monday, May

SUMMER: JUNE 21, 2024-SEPTEMBER 2, 2024

Depart Cuttyhunk **Additional trips Memorial Day Weekend-Monday, September 2 at 11 AM

WEATHER NOTE: IF SEVERE WEATHER IS PREDICTED, IT IS ADVISABLE TO CALL IN ADVANCE OF DEPARTURE FOR POSSIBLE SCHEDULING CHANGES. 508.992.0200

RESERVATIONS ARE REQUIRED FOR ALL PASSENGERS AND FREIGHT

To get a ticket you must have a reservation through our online reservation system. No charge for children 2 years and younger. The office must be notified at the time of ticket purchase about each child 2 years and under that will be traveling with you, in order to accurately count all persons on board the vessel. Dogs, on leash, are welcome at no charge. For non-web or special group payments and for check, cash or different form of payment, please email reservations@cuttyhunkferryco.com or call 508.992.0200. You can leave a message and your reservation will be held.

COMING SOON!

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