What Does Religion Mean to Me?

By Caroline Bryant

I want religion to have meaning to me. I want it to mean finding trust in a supernatural being. I want it to mean bettering myself for others. I want it to mean a community that will have my back when I fall. I want it to mean that I will live happily ever after in a world in the clouds as I watch those below me. I want it to mean Heaven. I want it to mean Jesus. I want it to mean God.

But what I want it to mean is something I can’t have.

Religion’s followers are to blame. Christianity has evolved into a Costco-looking warehouse called the “mega-church” full of millennial-aged girls wearing the Christian-girl autumn hat in a row of pews with those who look the same. If you don’t look like you’re transported into a different universe when you hear a Gospel hymn sung by a husband-and-wife duo on a multi-color lit stage, you get guilt-tripped into being a “fake” Christian.

Toxic Christians like these manipulate the word of God to justify their actions too. They feel as if one proverb serves as an apology for their wrongs, erasing millions of memories, hardships and traumas that they’ve bestowed onto another. I feel as if they do the bare minimum because Christianity thrives on forgiveness. They need forgiveness because if there is none, what did Jesus die for?

Therefore, they feel that forgiveness is expected straight from an apology. But how can I forgive an apology that isn’t made from their own words? It doesn’t feel meaningful. And I’ve been shamed for not forgiving.

Many Christians also believe that the label of “Christian” gives them a straight shot to Heaven. But, according to German philosopher Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book Discipleship, calling oneself a Christian does not make one a Christian. Attending church does not make a Christian. Someone can not be Christian without accepting God’s vocation.

If they accept the call, the Christians must devote their life to suffering. Bonhoeffer states that suffering requires Christians to “kill” their old self– to separate their lives from the world and everything they know to become individuals. Such change is considered a costly grace.

A Christian can not answer the call without suffering because if one doesn’t become an individual, God can not create a direct relationship with the Christian. Earthly problems distract the individual from reaching the highest level with God.

The Christian should also be ready to drop anything and go. When suffering follows change, the Christian is left blinded in uncharted territory, waiting to follow God in His path. Following is simple obedience.

In return, the Christian becomes a new person. For instance, in the book of Genesis, God commanded Abraham to sacrifice his son, Issac. Instead of protesting, Abraham proceeded to sacrifice his son. God gifted Issac back as a new man in return for Abraham’s obedience, as good things come to those who suffer.

Bonhoeffer states the second component of suffering is forgiveness: forgive those who refuse to forgive. Forgiveness is a sign of “loving thy neighbor,” a theme stressed throughout the Bible. Loving for the sake of love’s existence is what sets Christianity apart from other religions.

Christians used to properly suffer when the religion was a minority. But as Christians have settled into their power over the years, many have relaxed the rules.

Bonhoeffer would consider modern Christianity “fake” Christianity. Nowadays, people expect forgiveness more than they forgive. And they expect it more from those who don’t hop on the mega-church bandwagon.

In the end, the ones who made me feel bad for being a fake Christian are fake Christians, as well. But, what sets us apart is that at least I can admit I’m one.