Insight into the power of listening

On the shelf Insight into the power of listening

Have you ever engaged in a political “In today’s world, to associate with Silence, too, can be a part of listening. In argument where instead of listening to someone who holds opposing views is seen one of my favorite scenes from this book, we your opponent your mind is furiously as an almost traitorous act. A landscape meet Greg Hopf of Houston’s Gallery creating counterpoints to your adversary? Furniture, a top Have you ever listened to someone talking, salesman who and then you wander away to think of some allows for long extraneous matter, silences in his and when you return conversations to the conversation, with clients and you realize you have who has learned lost the thread of that “when you your friend’s point? hear people’s stoHave you ever pretended to listen to someone, muttering the appropriate “Hmmm” and “Yes, Jeff Minick Writer ries, you tend to want to do right by them.” According to Murphy, who sat yes,” while all the in on at least one while you’re thinking what you might pre- of his sales, Hopf pare for supper that evening? “doesn’t inter-

As for me, guilty, guilty, and guilty as rupt, wheedle, charged. cajole, correct, or

I believe I am a reasonably good listener. interject.” I frequently interview people by phone, for Instead, he lisexample, and have learned to let them talk tens to his to their heart’s content rather than inter- clients, allows rupt. One of my pet peeves about talk radio them time to is that the hosts so frequently cut off their ponder what callers just when they are making their main they need and points, butting in with their opinions before want, and only the callers have finished speaking. The talk then steps back show hosts may have valid arguments of into the convertheir own, but they clearly aren’t listening at sation. times to the people they’ve invited to their Murphy conshows. cludes her book

Yet after reading Kate Murphy’s You’re at the Basilica of Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Our Lady of San Why It Matters (Celadon Books, 2019, 279 Juan Del Valle in pages), I realized how much more I might San Juan, Texas, improve my own listening skills. where thousands

You’re Not Listening is crammed full of of people daily statistical data, academic studies, and anec- stream into the dotal tales of the poor state of listening designer who leans left politically told me church. Though many come to make offertoday. Many of us are great at talking, at she would never speak to a childhood friend ings, “the longest lines are for the confesdropping our opinions into a conversation again after she saw on Facebook that he had sionals ….” Priests man these six confessionat a moment’s notice, but not so hot on attended a Trump rally. ‘He can’t take that al booths, often for three-hour shifts. As hearing, really hearing, what others have to back,’ she said. ‘There is no explanation he Father Jorge Gomez tells Murphy, “When say. can give me that would make that okay.’ the people come here, it’s like they are going

All too often we like to do the talking. Likewise, a corporate pilot told me he will to a field hospital. They so badly need to be The funniest example of this tendency in not fly with copilots who are supporters of heard, it’s like a wound; they are in a critical Murphy’s book has to do with “the late Dick far left politicians like Bernie Sanders or state.” Later he says, “There are a lot of peoBass,” a wealthy man “known for ambitious Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. ‘Shows they have ple who want to talk but very few who want mountain-climbing expeditions and talking poor judgment and lack basic analytical to listen, and we are seeing people suffer about them, at length to anyone within skills,’ he said.” from it.” earshot ….” Once on an airplane Bass Throughout You’re Not Listening, Listening, Murphy says in her regaled his seat companion with his tales of Murphy offers numerous tips on how to “Conclusion,” “is actually the more powerful climbing Mount McKinley, Everest, and the improve our listening skills. Besides telling position in communication. You learn when Himalayas. us that we must be in the moment, that we you listen … how one responds is the meas-

“As they were about to land, Bass real- actually need to try and hear what others are ure of a good listener, and arguably, the ized he hadn’t properly introduced himself. saying, our responses need to be measured measure of a good person.” ‘That’s OK,’ the man said, extending his and on target regarding the speaker’s prob- Enough said in this review. Maybe it’s hand. ‘I’m Neil Armstrong. Nice to meet lem. An example: If a friend tells us he’s just time to listen. you.’” lost his job and isn’t sure how his wife is (Jeff Minick reviews books and has written four

This failure to listen, or even to try to lis- going to take that news, we should avoid of his own: two novels, Amanda Bell and Dust ten, is a part of our present corrosive poli- “Gee, that’s tough,” and ask him instead On Their Wings, and two works of nonfiction, tics. In her chapter “Listening To Opposing how he’s going to break that news to his Learning As I Go and Movies Make the Man. Views,” Murphy writes, spouse and family. minick0301@gmail.com)

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